At Rope, I was introduced to a few people that I knew were going to Sleezeball on Saturday night. Sleezeball is an event (or creepy dude… Hahaha), not a play party for sex but people do other types of play, such as rope or spanking, perhaps candle wax. I knew that the guy from Rope, let’s call him Ripples, was going to be there & I asked him to tie me up – he said he would. I thought this would be a good opportunity to try this out again. I was hoping there would be a few people from the chat app there too that I could hang out with & get to know in real life. I am trying to expand my friendship group & translate those friendships that I’ve made online to a real life setting. I honestly want to get off the chat apps at this point, I mean they seem to do more damage than good, but I also want to make new friendships & get away from anything online.
I had planned on going with a friend anyway, so even if Ripples wasn’t there, then it didn’t matter, I’d still just have a night out with some friends & it’d be fun. I got my dad to drop my friend & I into the city that night to save us money on taxi’s. We walk into the the venue, which I’d never been to before & it turns out that it is a teeny tiny venue, there aren’t many people there & I wonder if this was going to be a good night, since this will be the first experience of any sort of kink for my friend. She had mentioned she might want to come to a play party with me, but she was mainly vanilla from what I had heard from this relatively new friend.
I’m definitely no expert but I guess I’ve been getting more involved in this kind of thing to expand my life & also because I am still trying to fill the void, so many months later… Again mainly to fill my mind with thoughts other than Noodle fucking his now kinky partner & him fucking women alone… Fuck that hurts to think about… Why do I keep thinking about it? FUCK…
Anyway, I see a couple of people who run the Rope class & chat to them, most people are very welcoming to a new people, we have a few drinks & look around this tiny club. It’s a lot smaller than I expect so it doesn’t take us long to have a look at everything & find Ripples, who is going to tie me.
I introduce him to my friend & I feel a bit weird just hanging around waiting for him to tie me but he doesn’t know me really so I don’t want him to forget that he said he would tie me, so I feel a bit weird to be honest. I assume that there are so many people that want to be tied & are into this more than I am, plus people that he knows, so I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t tie me at all.
I must have a lot of trust in this guy, because now we’re in a setting with loud music & I can’t say much to him if I feel uncomfortable. But when he starts tying me, I automatically start to relax & it’s like my mind completely switches off, I can’t really hear the music either, all I can feel is the rope & the slight tugging & pulling as the rope caresses my skin. I will admit that this is the only time I really switch off, I actually imagine that this is Noodle tying me up (I know he would never learn to tie like this, but I imagine him doing it instead of this guy in front of me.) I have a moment, where I am just me. Not heartbroken, not really thinking about Noodle, just in the moment of feeling free of any thoughts.
I’ve seen other couples do this type of Rope, which I learn is called Shibari, & the bunnies seem to go into this ‘space’ where they are unaware of what is going on around them, I try to find this space, what they call ‘subspace’ but I can’t quite get there – I sort of do in a way, but not quite like I have seen. I mean I don’t really know this man, so yeah there are some trust issues, but I think when I see those bunnies go to that space, they are with someone they love & trust. I wish I had someone I love & trusted. It makes me realise, that I’m not scared to love again… I mean I know it’s not been long since Noodle shattered my heart twice & then we stopped talking, but I was so worried about becoming bitter again. After Boyfriend, I became so bitter & it has taken a long time for me to get out of the head space. I was so worried I would be bitter this time, but if you recall, the only reason I was bitter after Boyfriend was because we weren’t in love with each other & I guess I always thought we should. Paired with my fear of dying without being loved, I because a bitter old bitch… I am not scared of not being loved nor of dying alone, there are worse things in life, so I know now that I am open to something more. (Which is a good place to be!)
I enjoy the night, I don’t do anything else as in kink play at the nightclub, we dance a bit, we drink a lot & my friend tries to ‘pick up’ the bartender, getting his number before I organise for Blogger to pick us up – we all know how that night turned out.
I will admit that I did enjoy my first sleezeball, I would go again, they are on every year (The 2019 one is coming up!) It was something new, something fun, something I never would have done if I was with Noodle – not that that’s a bad thing, but I am glad for the new experiences. However, I still miss him like fucking crazy!