FUCK ME HARD!
Strong language warning in this post! Hahaha…
I walk in to my small independent gym, for my favourite class, I have been going to this gym for about 4 years now & it’s mainly women that go here. I wish I could tag it sometimes so you can all enjoy it too, but I can’t give away too much about my real life & where I live. Hahaha. (Besides all the kinky sex!)
As I walk into the gym tonight, nothing is unusual, I walk in but I stop dead when I see him…. There is a tall guy with dark hair & beard, he has his back to me but I can tell he has a beard. It can’t be… No way would he come here! WHAT THE FUCK.
This guy is standing next to a small blondeish woman, is that fucking Noodle & his partner? What the actual factual fuck is he doing here? He knows this is my gym! I know it’s close to his partners work, but fuck he wouldn’t be so stupid to bring her here?! He knows this is my gym. But I mean he did bring his partner to my house when he said he wouldn’t, so fuck!
But this woman doesn’t look like Noodle’s partner, she was quite a bit bigger than me, even though it’s been a year & a half since all that drama, I doubt she could get that tiny that quick – it’s not her… Is it?!
Noodle has done really stupid things before, for someone so smart, he can be really dumb like showing his partner where I live right after she tried to “kill” herself… So I guess I can’t be surprised if he bloody starts coming to my gym with her! Is he fucking kidding me!?
Jesus Christ, the way this guy stands, his shoes, even his fucking gym clothes is just like Noodle. His dark hair, which is a bit shorter than Noodle’s as his was longer on top & the full beard… Could he seriously be here?! My heart pounding, I’m sure everyone will be able to see it beating out my chest, maybe it is Noodle but that’s his sister? No, I also know what his sister looks like, it’s not her. FUCK.
I used to imagine Noodle going to the gym with me – it was one of the reasons I joined his gym because I wanted to work out with him. I know how awkward Noodle would be here, how he’d feel stupid doing a class where there is a routine involved, but he would put in some effort to impress me & we would enjoy it together… I loved working out with him at his gym, I know he would enjoy my gym, eventually when he didn’t feel like an idiot.
But right now, I am paralyzed, I don’t know what to do, I want to turn & run out the class, but people have seen me & I’ve said hello to people. FUCK. I can’t be melodramatic… I have to just do it. If it’s him, he’s here for a reason, he knows this is my gym, there is no other gym like it. He knows… I just have to get through this, I walk over to the equipment & get everything I need. As I turn, I can’t help but look at the guy, I finally see his face… My heart still beats fast but it’s not Noodle! Thank fuck for that! While it’s not Noodle, this guy looks almost exactly the fucking same. Brown short hair & a full beard. He has a tattoo on his arm, Noodle was a clean skin but I guess it’s been a year, I got another tattoo after we ended, so he could’ve got one too. But thankfully it’s not Noodle. However the likeliness is fucking unsettling – I think this post has a record number of fucks in it! Sorry about that… Hahaha… You have no idea how this feels unless you’ve experienced it. If I didn’t know any better, I would think this guy is Noodle’s older brother… I know Noodle is the oldest, so they’re not related, but fucking hell they look so similar.
Ok so crisis averted for tonight, but now I have the issue of how am I going to get through this?! He stands in front of me, I usually always go to the back of the class by the air conditioner, he is there with his partner, they are new to the gym & haven’t joined yet. Good, well hopefully they won’t join!
I cannot take my eyes off him the whole class… So much so he probably catches me looking at him a lot. He even exercises like Noodle would, I can’t even cope with this at all. I’m sure his partner notices how much I look at him too… How could she not, I am acting like a fucking weirdo!
Ironically though, I work out harder than I ever have before, hoping that he notices… WTF! This guy doesn’t even know me! Hahaha. But right now it’s about what he represents!
WHY is the higher power (who ever that may be – God or spiritual?) such a asshole to me?! This guy & his partner are at almost every session that I go to – I go to these sessions because of the time slot – the only ones I can make with work commute & the hardness of the class – I avoid dance type routine classes for weights & bootcamps. FUCK. I can’t stop looking at him & while I do work out harder than ever, I think about Noodle a lot… I am also at this time in real life, posting the Noodle story for you all so I’ve been reliving the relationship (I think I am posting about us saying we have feelings!) & thinking about him a lot anyway, but this is making it so hard to get over. This guy looking exactly like him, talking like him, acting like him… FUCK. I cannot cope. I see on the Facebook gym page that this couple have joined, as they post to welcome new people. DOUBLE FUCK.
I find out that they are getting married later in the year, it’s only a few months away, I assume he’s getting into shape for the photos (just like Noodle did for his brother’s wedding!) so hopefully once they’re married they go back to their previous lifestyle of not going to my gym! Yes, only a few months & they’ll be gone! Phew.
One of the bootcamp sessions, we have to kick people off their station, once we’re kicked off, like a snowball effect or something. I refuse to kick him off or go anywhere near him, but somehow I seem to end up opposite him or close to him & I can’t help but watch him. It really fucks me off because while I know I am not really over Noodle, I thought I was moving on, I thought I had moved on. This is bringing up all these feelings & all I want to do is message Noodle & see if he’s ok. I miss him a lot. I miss his friendship! FUCK!
I notice what car Doppelganger has so when I drive in to my favourite class & their car isn’t there, I am relieved, I can relax – good I can have the gym to myself (not really to myself but I don’t have to think about Noodle or look at this poor guy who knows nothing!) But then sometimes they come running in after me. FUCK.
The most annoying thing about this guy being at my gym with his partner, is that they are fucking lovely people! I really like them but I just can’t look at him & not have my heart break a little or think about their wedding & then imagine Noodle & his partners wedding… or worse imagine my wedding with Noodle.
I got partnered with Doppelgangers partner one day at bootcamp, she was lovely & we’re about at the same fitness level so it was good to push myself because I didn’t want her to think I am weak. To be honest though it makes me work a little harder when he is in the class, thinking me might be looking at me – which let’s face it, he probably isn’t watching me or even looking in my direction however, it really pushes me harder! But if he is looking at me, it’s probably because he’s wondering why I keep looking at him!
Another bootcamp, we’re doing shuttle runs & I somehow get behind him a lot. He does his run but as he turns he pulls a face as he walks off to the side & I think FUCK that’s exactly the fucking face Noodle would’ve pulled at me too! I cannot help but think about Noodle when I am around this guy!
As predicted, they get married in October 2019 & they don’t come to the gym as often as they used too, which makes me happy! Ironically I find out about 4 months after they got married, that someone else significant to me got married on the same day… Story to come! (Ooooh intrigue!)
Later in the year, I sit opposite them at the Christmas dinner & chat to him more. They’re so fucking lovely that it kills me. I don’t know what is worse though, the fact that I don’t have Noodle anymore or the fact that this guy is exactly like him & married to someone else or the fact that I am still fucking single!!
As predicted though, 5 months after their wedding, I hardly ever see them anymore, which is weird but great since I am now at the gym a lot more that I ever was before! However, I do get disappointed when I don’t see them or him there…
4 thoughts on “Doppleganger”