I tell Silverlining about the Doppelganger at my gym. But I realise now that I would know Silverlining from a mile away, that my body reacts, he asks how. I tell him that my tummy churns, my hairs stand up on the back of my neck, I shake & then I can’t eat. He says “You need to eat bitch” I tell him though that my pussy would probably start dripping if he was closer. He says my name like I shouldn’t be flirting with him & I giggle, but I tell him that I have eaten some showbag goodies. He replies “Fuck me I love how wet your pussy gets for me.”
He’s also asking if my sister knows about us chatting – we’re still on the day that we admit it to each other that we’re who we are, by the way. We’ve been messaging all day, so much so that I almost cancelled my appointment because I didn’t want to stop talking to him. It’s going to end soon, I know. I am not stupid, he is with her, he’s made no attempts to leave her. He’s not going too. However for now, for today, I need to chat to him. He asks me what my sister has said, she’s said what half of you are thinking, what I already know, what I don’t need her to say “STOP TALKING TO HIM” & he says that I should probably listen to her, that she knows what’s best for me. But does she? Does he? I reply “Like I said before… No one can understand this. It doesn’t make sense. While it seems counterproductive, it’s actually helping me…. No one will ever understand our connection Silverlining. Nor will they understand our love. Why after a year of not talking, we’re still in love.” It’s almost like Rose in Titanic, getting off the boat with Jack. It doesn’t make sense but the excitement she felt with him in the few short days she knew him, she knew he was what she wanted. He says that Sweetie understood it, she witnessed it. I agree, but I don’t think she would understand why I am talking to him now after everything that happened post break up.
We talk about some people on the chat app & I am reminded of when he came back online with the matching user name as her, something we used to laugh at other people for doing, something I used to joke to him about changing his user name to SiliverliningLovesIBD4U. I don’t know why I spend this short time that I have probably left chatting to him, bringing this stuff up, but I do “Remember when you said to me I needed kink, that you weren’t that kinky or good at it. Then told me all about your kink stuff you were doing with your partner… yeah that was also fun!” He says that they haven’t done much together, which I am not surprised. He says sorry for hurting me with those comments but I taught him somethings he liked about sex. I mean he taught me so much that I didn’t realise that I would like about sex. I tell him that he apologised the next day “But not before telling me she rimmed you & you choked her… Someone else told me you had a 3sum… But yeah… We weren’t always kinky so hurt me that you thought I needed it, using it as an excuse to not be good enough for me…” It’s true but he won’t admit it. “The trouble with us is we both have an open and honest thing going. Sometimes we overshare. And it hurts. Hence why this is not a good thing” I know he’s preparing me to ghost me again, I need to be ok with it, I don’t want it after the fact I’ve not been chatting to him for 2 weeks none stop & today is Saturday & we’ve been chatting since I woke up at 7am.
I remind him that I was hurt because I was thinking she was withholding sex & being a bitch to him when in fact she was giving him the kinky sex I had given him. It was like a stab in the heart for me, I was still in love with him & he was already back to having sex with her when I couldn’t fuck anyone. He says that he never intended on hurting me & that he was just over sharing, I was his best friend, he didn’t think. He says that I taught him so much when I ask what, then he says something else that is meant to me a compliment but catches my breath “The sex never ever compared to ours lol” He says that I made him a better lover. I fucking hate that comment. “Yeah, I made you better for someone else.” He says sorry. But also that I bought out his dom side, he never had that until me.
He says that he has to go soon – it’s almost 11 hours of talking & that this isn’t healthy. No it’s not, but I can’t help but ask “You want to stop talking?” & I wait, not very long for his reply. “No I don’t …” So I say as casually as I can, that he should just talk to me when he can & he says that he will, he says “I’m so sorry for hurting you so much. Chat to you again soon” & with that he goes, but I reply saying thank you for saying that.
While this isn’t healthy, for either of us. I wonder what will happen tomorrow. It’s Sunday, I know he’ll be at work again, so he’ll be able to message if he wants too. I’ve had so much stress at work that I haven’t been sleeping, only getting a couple of hours per night, but tonight when I snuggle down expecting to toss & turn, I drift off to sleep. I am finally content. I feel like while he’s not mine, he somehow centres me. This shit going on in my life goes away & I can finally relax. I sleep the whole night, not great cos my nephew is over but better than I have in months. Waking up at 6:40am – shoot me now, I can’t help but look at the app before I check anything else on my phone as I don’t get notifications for the app we’re using, so I never know if he’s messaged. I am wildly optimistic that he will message but I just don’t know… It’s not a good idea if he does, will I message him if there is nothing from him when I look? I don’t know if I should, but he said he didn’t want to stop talking so at least he’s feeling what I am too…
This is a perfect time for a cliff-hanger, but at only 1100 words, it doesn’t seem enough since we’re only up to the second day of us admitting our identities – but up to #12 & we have Motocross to catch up too, I need to get the Silverlining story moving! So I’ll put you all out of your misery! I never hear from Silverlining again… WHAT?!
DUM DUM DUM! Just kidding, hahaha.
As I check the app, I notice there is a message, my heart jumps as I click to see it’s him at 6:07 am saying “So yeah morning for when you get up. I lasted a day … lol” I can’t help but smile like a fuckwit! I use his line on him “Pfft. You barely last 12 hours.” I laugh & tell him that I had a dream about him too. He replies “Pfft.” As I knew he would. He asks how I normally take my drug “Do you inject it? Inhale it? Pretty sure you take it orally. Maybe you insert it?” I laugh at him, knowing I’m he’s drug too, this song fits so well here….
I tell him the dream was weird because he walked past me at the supermarket while I was picking out tomatoes. I tell him that I didn’t sleep well, but better than I have been sleeping because of my nephew sleeping diagonally in my king sized bed. Silverlining tells me to go back to sleep, but I say that my nephew is awake now. He says that kids should be banned from the bed & he’s cheeky saying he can help me with my tomatoes, then he says actually he’ll help me with my melons.
I remind him about the time he bought me the milk & pizza base that I couldn’t get one time, I said something to him that day & he brought it out when he was meeting me for a lunch time fuck. “You are so fucking thoughtful & sweet” He really was sweet & thoughtful, I didn’t ask for it, I just said I was pissed my store didn’t have them & when I picked him up for lunch, I knew he felt weird as he sort of just threw them in the back seat, didn’t really say anything to me. It was the sweetest thing ever. He says “Pfft, I’m really a dick. Asshole apparently. Big asshole. Let’s not give your ex too much credit” I say “I always loved how much you loved when I popped my melons out of my dress in the back of the car… FUCK… Just remembering that look on your face when ever you saw me in lingerie or just naked…” He always made me feel like the sexiest thing alive, no one else has ever done that before or since. He tells me that I look fucking hot in lingerie.
I’m still on the asshole thing too “I get why you were an asshole. You felt backed into a corner. However you could’ve made different choices…. You were just stupid & manipulated… I guess because how much of a dick you were in groups etc, I never thought you’d be manipulated like that… At my expense.” He doesn’t reply to that but says that he’s at the gym & can’t get hard, I need to stop putting sexy thoughts in his head. I tell him that I still look hot in lingerie with a winky face… Fuck, why is it so easy to flirt with him? “Such an amazing sight when your tits were poking out in a dress …” He also says that any guy is missing out that isn’t admiring my hotness and lingerie. He says that his eyes couldn’t hide how he felt when I wore lingerie. He definitely tried not too show me that face but like he says that he’d be shit at poker. Neither of us have a poker face.
I show him the lingerie I was wearing the night Motocross & I didn’t fuck, I tell him that I want to show him me in it & he says that I’m a fucking tease. I tell him “I would. I want too. Remind you what you’re missing. You refused to look at me at the show… I couldn’t not look at you.” He says that he was scared to look at me – I guess cos he didn’t want her to see him looking at me. He says he’s not looking good but at the gym now. I wonder how he knew it was me at the show if he didn’t look then, I mean I know he’s said that he felt me, but how did he know. I felt him with every fibre of my being, but I honestly didn’t think he’d feel it too. He just he felt me, he even felt me before she said anything.
I ask him if he has a tattoo on his forearm & he says yes he has tattoos… Because of the way he replies, I think fuck they got stupid matching tattoos, but he says no, but got a couple on his arm, exactly like the Doppleganger. OMG they’re more alike every second! He talks about how he’s put on weight in the last 2 months but he’s been doing keto & trying to lose the weight. He then sends me pictures of his tattoos, I send him a picture of my new one that I got after we ended too, that’s on my side, I look skinny in the picture & I feel good about my tattoo. He just says looks nice & suits me. I tell him that he probably looks sexier with tattoos, I always wondered if he’d get some, I remember talking about it & I didn’t think he liked them but now he’s saying he wants a sleeve. OMG, what a turn around!
He says that he’s been told he looks sexier with tattoos, I almost roll my eyes, of course his partner now someone else wanted him, she’s telling him he looks good… She should’ve done that for the last 10 years! I get pissed off, I mean I used to tell him all the time he was sexy, had a big cock but he never believed me, she tells him & he believes her. “Why do you always do that? Believe others over me? I talked to you every day for over 14 months, Fucked you every week for over a year & yet, you always believe everyone else over me?!” Wouldn’t you believe the person who loves you the most? “BTW I’d just assumed you’d be happy and all moved on and have some fucking amazing guy for an amazing chick and you’d be long taken and no where on the app so yeah didn’t think I’d bump into you again. I believe you found me hot … I really do. I just thought I wasn’t good enough for you so kinda down played it ? I still don’t think I’m cool enough for you. I’m more than a self-confessed geek, I’m a fucking geek. Lol” Not this old chestnut.