Oh good fucking god, what am I doing this for!
Well let me tell you why… T**y is a fucking wanker, Noodle is married… I am so fucking alone & I want someone in my life, I deserve someone in my life. Don’t I? Despite some of the shit things I have done in my dating life, I am surely not the worst person in the world & I should have a partner… Right? So when I get a text from the company who I haven’t used in years, asking if I’d like to come along to a speed dating event for free with a friend, I think why the hell not. I ask a friend to come with me who I’d casually thrown the idea around with no long before this & she decides to come along too.
It’s a bit out of my (& hers) usual age bracket, men 35-53 so there will be people I am 100% not interested in – I am not into older men at all, ironically because when I was younger I was obsessed with the man being older than me, but pretty much no one besides Boyfriend has really been older than me! Hahaha. But I am sure that there will be people that I will not be attracted too in this age bracket, but there could be the one I want to date too. The diamond in the rough!
Remember I know a couple who met at speed dating & I are still together 15+ years later, who have just had their third kid together, so I guess this is why I keep going back, you know I may just find that one spark!? All you need is one mutual spark right?!
I’m going again with a skinny, very pretty friend – who’s recently single but prefers women, who has the same niche job as me but we work for different organisations. We met at our old job a few years back & we haven’t ever really been out socially before so I am looking forward to it. I am not sure why I thought speed dating was a good idea for a girls night out, but here we are!
I feel like I look good, I am feeling super confident. The outfit has gone together well, my hair is playing nice… I am really confident – something that I am not often. My friend arrives & looks amazing – annoyingly effortlessly amazing when I have tried so hard. It bursts my confident bubble a little bit… But I intend to keep this confident stride for this evening.
Anyway we get to the venue, no one immediately catches my eye of someone I want to chat too or can’t wait to get the five minute date with. We grab a drink & head outside to scope out the competition. I reckon we’re in the top percentage out of the women, which also makes me feel confident but no man really catches my eye at all. FUCK.
As we settle in for date after date after date after fucking date, I realise that there probably isn’t anyone here for me… I have good banter with some, good chats with others, but there is no real chemistry at all. I tick a few friends but no one for relationship but you never know outside this setting it may click in place.
I had instant chemistry with Noodle online & in person, I can’t ever expect that again. I believe that is rare, so I must take that into consideration & give these guys a fair go.
As we have a break, I scoff some food & drink another wine, I have more fun talking to my friend than I do having a million mini dates with random men. But the night continues & doesn’t for me get any better!
I tick a few men as friends but walk away deflated… FUCK yet another waste of time… Well not a waste of time – I got a blog out of it… But in the interest of finding a partner, it was a waste of time… Even though I don’t really care about these men, I still wait impatiently by my emails the next day, constantly checking, even checking my junk box & waiting for the email that tells me who I actually matched with.
Waiting for the email always sucks – it’s torture… Absolute torture! It comes just before 5:00 pm & I have to say, I am so fucking shocked that there are NO matches at all… WOW… As if my self-esteem wasn’t low enough already, this is another blow. Why the fuck did I even go to this stupid event?!
I only ticked friend to 5 guys so I wasn’t expecting a lot of matches anyway, I mean the max I could get would be 5 anyway right but fucking hell, not one of the guys I ticked friend even saw me as a friend!? Not one guy?! Fuck me… I must be a complete dud!
My friend only ticked date to one guy who she matched with. Right then… I guess it’s not all bad, I did have 5 men say yes to me, she had 11 say yes to her… This is worse than I thought…. Why did I go?! OMG… I feel like shit. Only 5 out of 20 men liked me! OMG. I don’t even know what to say anymore… Perfect strangers with pixie ears are hurting my feelings now! (Disclaimer – I wrote that sentence with “pixie ears” right after I went speed dating & now almost a year later, I do not get the reference, but it made me giggle so I left it in! I’m assuming a guy had weird ears?! I don’t really know.)
I try to laugh it off with my friend as we chat about it, I make jokes, but I am actually hurt about this… Am I seriously that ugly? Or make that bad of a first impression!?
I need to go back to 2020 of no sex…
This is soul destroying!
2020 can only get better…
HOW FUCKING WRONG WAS I?!