Guest Blog: 13 Things To Try If You’re New to BDSM

So, I’ve been doing some research for you all, as I am no expert! Some of my guest blogs, they’ve been articles abut the kink community, not actual other dating stories from my readers…

A friend shared this one & I thought it was perfect for those thinking they may want to try this kink world but are too scared at how to go about it. I started off slow & if you keep reading you’ll find out a lot more of this kink world I get into, however this article has some great ways to start exploring with your partner.

I will always suggest that you have a conversation with your partner before trying anything with them, consent even for a simple light spank is very important. Communication is the key, I was missing that with some of my exploration & now I am deeper in to kink, I understand how much communication can be required with a new partner!


13 Things To Try If You’re New To BDSM

OK, so you know you’re turned on by BDSM and kink. You’ve thought a lot about it and maybe you’ve even done some of the things that the experts recommend you do before you get started with BDSM. (Sign up for that FetLife account yet?) You’re ready to start thinking about and planning your first “session” but… You’re not totally sure where to start. Perhaps your fantasies are more varsity level than JV and you want to start slow or maybe you’re just at a loss for ideas because, well, you’re a newbie!

Before we even get into activities, though, I want to take a minute and reassure you a little bit. I know that BDSM and kink can get kind of a bad rap in the media, like it’s some kind of deviant activity that only messed up people are into. Like a lot of things we see in mainstream media, though, that’s a total load of BS. BDSM and kink are practiced by all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds — and they play a huge role in the fantasy lives for a large proportion of women. There is nothing wrong with being into kinky sex play and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. All it means, in the end, is that you’re into kinky sex play!

Now that we have that out of the way, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty. I have a million kinky friends (well, maybe not a million, but quite a few) who are happy to share their expertise on great entry level kink and BDSM activities for those of you who are 100 percent new to the game. I decide to focus specifically on suggestions made by Miette Rouge, 43, and Jenna, 26, both of whom are active members of their respective kink scenes. One more thing before we get started, though: they both wanted me to remind all of you that communication — before and after — is essential if you’re going to try any of these BDSM 1.0 things. Other than that? Enjoy!

10 lesson of my local kink scene sex dating

1. Hair Pulling

Miette suggests hair pulling as a good way to start getting into kinky play. It’s easy, doesn’t require any toys, and can be as gentle or as rough as you want it to be.

2. Light Spanking

Spanking is definitely a common fantasy and starting lightly is a good idea, with the option of ramping it up as you go, of course. Start with hands and then incorporate toys as you and your partner(s) become more experienced.

“I found it really exciting as a beginner to be told I had to count the number of blows I was going to receive because it was not only a pain thing, but a power thing,” Jenna tells Bustle.

3. Aggressive Language

Miette suggests incorporating aggressive language into your play. Words like “slut,” “whore,” “jerk,” “wimp,” and “f*ck” are all good places to start. Name calling, however, should definitely be pre-negotiated, as one slut’s turn on may be another jerk’s major turn off.

4. Tying Up With A Scarf

A lot of people fantasize about bondage and scarves a good place to start because they’re soft and it’s hard to do real damage with them — unlike, you know, rope and handcuffs. Miette’s main tip is to make sure that two fingers can be slipped between the tie and the skin in order to avoid cutting off circulation, which definitely can do damage.

5. Under The Bed Restraints

Once you’re ready to move on from scarves, Jenna recommends trying out under the bed restraints or “just canvas strap restraints.”

“Even if you don’t do anything else besides fool around, if you’ve never done it before giving up control over your body is an exciting intro to BDSM for beginners,” says Jenna.

6. Incorporating “Sir” Or “Madam”

In addition to aggressive language, Miette advises that a “sir” or “madam” can do wonder to set the stage. It’s a simple way to establish roles in a dom/sub scene and keep you both involved in the fantasy.

7. Biting

Biting is a great entry-level way to play, but Miette warns that talking about it beforehand is again essential — and part of that talk should be about marks. Some people are into them and some people really aren’t, so make sure you know where your partner stands before you start chomping down.

8. Subbing/Topping Role Playing

Jenna suggests that “something as simple as having your arms tied behind your back while performing oral sex” can be a really hot entry level activity for people who are just getting started. Other suggestions might include begging (for sex or punishment) as well as being put in or putting someone in a submissive physical position.

9. Play With “Pervertables”

Miette is really into what she calls “pervertables,” which are basically every day objects that can be transformed into toys. She recommends things like wooden spoons, brushes, spatulas and narrow things like canes, thin belts, and rulers with the metal guide on them if you want to make a mark. The best thing about these toys, according to Miette, is that no one but other kinksters will recognize them for what they are. They’re like a kinky secret signal!

10. Sensation Play With A Blindfold.

Both Miette and Jenna recommend blindfolded sensation play. What does that mean, you ask? Basically, you lightly restrain someone (or are restrained yourself, depending on your preference), blindfold them, and then introduce various sensations with various objects. So maybe you run a feather over them or you pinch them or you give them a spank or tease them to edge of orgasm. The idea is allow the non-blindfolded person to have control of everything that’s happening and for the blindfolded person to surrender control to them.

11. Floggers

A flogger is more like a BDSM 1.1 step rather than a BDSM 1.0 step, according to Jenna. She recommends to newbies, though, because the pain it provides isn’t very intense but it looks scary, which can heighten your enjoyment of it. Her second tip when it comes to this kind of pain play? “Leave the cane for once you’ve experienced a little more, because that sh*t hurts.”

12. Clothespins

Jenna also thinks that clothespins — which can be adjusted and removed quickly, if need be — are a good way to start exploring pain thresholds. She recommends trying them out on nipples, stomach, and inner thigh at first as you start to understand your or your partner’s limits. Once you’ve mastered these,

13. Candle wax

Candle wax is another way to play that Jenna tells Bustle “seems scary but isn’t, isn’t that painful, and is an exciting way to intro/explore pain.” Her only warning is that you do some research beforehand about different types of candles, as certain kinds burn hotter than others and those are the ones you don’t want.

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