Rotisserie Chicken

New Years Eve plans were to go to a friends house for drinks with a bunch of couples! WHOO HOO! There would be no random hook up, there would be no midnight kiss, there will be no semi-flirtatious banter with a cute single guy (who will probably end up with someone else anyway) & there would be no love story starting in the new year for me.

So I searched online to find someone to hook up with before I went out, Rotisserie Chicken was available, cute & we exchanged phone numbers. We were texting for a bit & I stressed the urgency of his visit since I was getting picked up at 6:00pm, however I told him it was actually 5:00pm so I would have time to get ready again.

He said he’d bring some drinks over, so brought a can or two of something & we just stood in my kitchen & talked. He looked out into my backyard & talked about bullshit, I don’t really remember how but we ended up in my lounge room, standing by the TV cabinet & I saw the clock & thought this is going to have to happen soon or it won’t happen at all. So I stood on my tippy toes (cos I’m short!) & kissed him.

He kisses me back & I lead him into my bedroom undressing as we go. We have sex but it’s not that good, he changes positions so often that it means that I am never going to get to climax, it never gets close to feeling good before he turns me a little bit, he pounds me a few more times then turns me again. I’m sure you’ve all had sex like this before, it has the potential to be good but it never gets there. I feel like I am spinning like a rotisserie chicken in the oven, getting hot but never achieving anything else.

Once he’s done, we just get up & get dressed. I know I am never going to see him again but he talks about texting me tomorrow to catch up. I say yeah, thinking I’ll never hear from him again. Which is exactly how this story ends. I don’t text him either, but with bad sex the first time, usually doesn’t get any better, no matter how hard you try.

I’m not sure if I am happy I got a New Years Eve root or depressed that it was so bad & there was no way to erase it with another guy at the party. I settle for being happy that I had sex & try to forget that it wasn’t that good, I mean it certainly wasn’t the worst sex I’ve ever had but it was no where near even reasonable sex.

#IBD4U