British #3

The next day, Monday, back to work but for the first time in a long time I wake up & my first thought isn’t Noodle, my second thought isn’t Noddy either. It’s all about British. I expect to hear from him on the way to work on through out the day but nothing. I can’t help but grin thinking about him & the weekend. I know we only met on Saturday but I do feel a little something & don’t think he would be messaging me so much on the weekend if he wasn’t interested too. Surely?!

I don’t hear from him all day & of course I refuse to message him. When I’m talking excitedly to a friend over lunch, she asks me to show her his photo. She agrees he’s cute. I go out for dinner with another friend who sees my glow of excitement of having met a man that I may like & could possible date seriously… He’s talked about seeing me again so I’m certain he will. Out for dinner, my friend wants to see what this guy looks like, maybe I’m talking him up too much… I click on the dating app & notice that he is 10000kms away… WTF?! My jaw must drop open because my friend gasps “What?” I can’t stop staring at the 10000kms away, at lunch it still said 4kms away! FUCK… I show my friend my phone & explain that he was 4kms away & now he’s 10000kms away. She googles ‘What is 10000kms from Adelaide?’ the number one answer is Dubai…. OH HOLY FUCK. This is next level. He’s gone back to the UK. Jesus fucking Christ… My friend tells me to calm down that maybe something happened, an emergency & he’s had to go home. I literally sit there laughing my head off… I am not so optimistic, I mean this is my life after all. As if there will be any other explanation besides he was here on a holiday & fucking lied his ass off… Jesus. I’m so stupid.

Later that night I check the app again & he’s now 16000kms away. I google & that is London. I literally burst out laughing at home alone… I look at my cat & say like the crazy cat lady that I am becoming “What the Actual Fuck Peppa!” She’s looking at me like a nutcase since I just burst out laughing while the whole house is silent – so much so she jumps. I literally cannot believe this is happening to me. I mean I thought that a guy ending things with via snapchat only a couple of weeks earlier would be the highlight of my dating life in 2019, here we are not even halfway though & I have a guy flying to another country to get away from me! Fucking hell… I know I’m hard to date, I mean clearly I am or I wouldn’t have a fucking blog, however, a guy travelling 16000kms just to get away from me, it’s just fucking hilarious!

I decide to send him a message, knowing that he is back in the UK, but I just send “Hey how’s your day been.” He sends back when I’m asleep later that night “Hello scrumptious, not bad, yours?” I have to laugh at the scrumptious comment, I just write back that I was in bed early & asked what he got up too. I don’t get a reply but I find out another interesting part to this story…

So get this…. When I tell J-Lo, he asks me to send him a picture of this guy, I ask him why because it’s not like J-Lo to just ask for a picture of a random dude… He says just send me one, which I do & he says that it’s not the guy he thought it was, it’s ok. Later in that day J-Lo messages me again & says on second thought he actually knows someone living 4kms from me in that suburb, who is sleeping in his spare room as he just broke up with his mrs & they’re selling the house so she was house sitting & he was away from work & had his friend staying with him from the UK. J-Lo also confirms that the Netflix name is his friends name… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK… So my thoughts are confirmed, British is a liar! What are the fucking odds, J-Lo built the fence of the house I just fucked on the kitchen bench at… Hahaha… I ask J-Lo if he’s going to tell his friend & he says no because he’d then have to explain where he knows me from! What a fucking complicated life I lead…

So I send British a message, I know from what my friend says that I don’t have the full story, but I know in my gut that this guy has lied to me… J-Lo has confirmed what I already knew… There is too much weird stuff here, to keep justifying that he hasn’t. Noodle made me feel like a fool, I hate feeling foolish & right now I feel even more foolish!

“So I worked something out about you… Saturday night there were a few weird things about your story but I didn’t think too much into it…
First it was your name on Netflix, I just assumed people use fake names to protect their identity… No big deal
I didn’t think much of the white wine you talked about a lot & it not being in the fridge prior to my visit…
You sleeping in the spare room & telling me it was the master bedroom (knew that was a lie but didn’t think much of it)
The next day swapping to a chat app, but your UK number is still being used after being in Aust for 5 months?
At 12pm you were going to catch an Uber to my house after drinking the leftover wine… How drunk could you have been? Thought it a bit strange but could’ve been legit….
I also thought it was a bit weird you had so many sauces & spices being you’d only been here a short time (I saw while you were fingering me on the kitchen bench)

Telling my friend about you over dinner last night, I look at your dating profile to see that you’re 100009kms away… She googled & that’s Dubai… That’s when I realised you were lying to me… Fuck you lied alot!!

So I messaged you to see if you’d lie some more… Because this is next level for me…

So… I was telling my best guy friend about the lies & he says “I know a guy called (Insert Netflix fake name here) who’s sleeping in his spare room, show me his pic” I did & he said you’re not his friend. Phew.
This morning he tells me that he’s thought about it & the story matches his friend…
His friend called (Insert Netflix fake name here) has just broken up with his GF, but who is in the master bedroom while he sleeps in the spare room, but is away for work at the moment & she’s housesitting…

Also Adelaide is like a small country town… Everyone knows everyone..

I seriously can’t believe how many lies you told me… You do realise you could’ve been honest with me! Why would you talk about future times you’d see me if you’re never going see me again?!”

Fuck I feel like a fucking idiot right now! How did I not see this coming?!

Of course when he reads it he apologises & says that he didn’t want it to just be a weekend thing & he was already thinking of ways in which he could come back to see me (yeah right!). I ask if he was going to tell me & he says no. I ask what he would’ve said when I asked to see him again & he said he would’ve made some excuse. Fucking hell men are so lucky I’m not crazy, what if I went back to his house & found his friend there?! Like some people are just so stupid…

“I guess I have been caught out. I figured if I said I was going home, we maybe wouldn’t of never met. I apologise. It’s all shit & I got carried away. I’m not proud of that, but am still glad we have met.” Well I am fucking annoyed now, I get that he lied to get me to meet him, but he sat there & lied to my face as I asked question after question about his move here & him building his house – he answered every question without batting an eyelid. He even told me about how he catches the train & how long it takes, what road he works on & when we talked about foxtel, he even told me how much “he” pays for it… He offered up so much info, that it’s just fucking nuts how many lies he told to get fucked… I mean he could’ve said that he was going home to my face… I didn’t realise that when he said he was going for curry on Sunday night, he was going to be getting it on Emirates. Hahaha.

He says “I didn’t want to leave as it is & already thinking & plotting for when I come back. I am genuinely sorry. I was making it worse for myself in the end. I actually like you, I think we clicked & everything other than the bullshit was deadly true & I’m sure you believe at least one thing, I enjoyed our time together a lot xx” Fucking hell, why are men such smooth talkers…

I ask him if he ever comes back here or travel here for work, & what was real? “I don’t but I am seriously thinking about coming out again x. I love the way of life out there & I also felt like we did connect. Something unusual for me too. I really had a lot of fun making you cum #IBD4U. Sorry for all the bullshit” I ask him what was actually true, he tells me his name, age & sends me a link to a website where he is listed as a buyer in London on. His picture is up there with a profile, but I am not sure what I even believe now.

We continue to chat & he sends me voice messages with his sexy dripping British accent, fuck I hate it makes me melt… JERK! Hahaha. We messages for a few weeks, sending pictures & voice messages, He sends me the worst every dick picture I have ever seen, he’s sitting on the toilet with his cock poking into the toilet… LIKE DUDE!!!!

Because of the time difference, when I am in bed, he’s getting up & driving to work hard at things I send him, it’s kinda fun. He sends me pictures of him at a wedding & we just chat, mostly just turning each other on, 16000kms apart!

The chatting becomes more & more sporadic, but it did go on pretty regularly for a month or so & we eventually stop, I then seen he’s changed his profile picture to him & a chick, so assuming he’s got a girlfriend… Well that’s another one that gets a girlfriend straight after sort of dating me…

Why am I always the fluffer?!

#IBD4U