So talking to Dom & J-Lo about how Noddy has backed right off, J-Lo tells me to do what is right for me, (what is that?) & Dom just tells me to message him, send him nudes & get him interested. My stubborn mind tells me to not do anything & he can message me, I mean he read my last message & never wrote back, it’s his turn! Hahaha, I’m so childish! But honestly I feel like this dude just isn’t that keen anymore.
However Dom tells me that maybe he’s waiting for me to message & I think that maybe, just maybe my stubbornness has made me lose contact with some guys in the past, because we’re both thinking “I wish they’d message me!” I know I have a problem, so I decide that Dom is right, I’m 37 years old, I don’t have time for games, this is just stupid! I like this guy, I need to know what is going on. So I message him & just say “Hey how was the video shoot yesterday” because he was apparently shooting a music video for his song. He takes a while to write back but says that he just woke up, sends me a picture of him in bed & tells me that he won’t go into details but he had a hectic night. My mind automatically thinks he’s fucked someone else, I guess I can’t be mad, we’re not exclusive, he hasn’t seen me for a week & I’ve fucked someone else – Orbit, plus I’ve had text sex with Dom.
I reply without thinking “Hahaha, when you say you won’t go into details, that’s not a good sign” but he says “Nah, not like that, drugs” I know he smokes weed all the time, but assuming he did other stuff last night. When he says he’s annoyed they didn’t shoot the video but will make him heaps busy next weekend I bite the bullet & say “Was hoping to see you sometime soon, since I go away Tuesday morning for the whole week” he replies & I almost don’t want to read it in case it’s an excuse why he can’t see me over the next 2 days. “Yeah I would of liked to of caught up already… Sorry I’m heaps scattered. I couldn’t make it tonight but hopefully tomorrow night if you are free?” Finally, he’s asking me out I have rope but I explain that I can leave at 9:00 pm so that I’m home by 9:30 pm. However my gut is telling me he’s going to bail. I feel like he gets home from work, wants to smoke cones so makes up some excuse… But he says “Yeah I’d love to see you, it sounds like a plan.” Maybe my gut is wrong; maybe I don’t know what is going on. I did tell him through the week that we need to talk face to face because I don’t want to chat to him about this over text, because clearly I am not as easy going when people bail on me for sex. I get so grumpy! Even Noodle noticed it that if I don’t get sex, I get grumpy, well of course I do, especially when I know they are free & can fuck me!
We talk into the night, he sends me a song he’s been working on, maybe I do have it all wrong? Maybe I’m sending out a vibe of desperado? But it’s not because I want him to be my boyfriend, it’s because I want good sex with a guy I like & knows my body – I am working towards not having to use a condom with someone, then the boyfriend thing maybe. Not random sex with strangers.
He tells me that he’s going to try to sleep & he’ll chat tomorrow. I say goodnight but it’s just that he calls me “hun” not gorgeous or any winky or kissing face. I try not to read into it being that he’s coming down from a big night on drugs.
The next day, I am definitely not going to message him, but I wake up to nothing from him to say good morning, I wait till lunch time, when he’s always online for his lunch break & still nothing. He said “I’ll chat tomorrow” so I am not messaging first again! At least he’s not chatting in the groups too…
Dom tells me to message him but I will wait till later this afternoon. I feel like this is Origin all over again! Why start off so keen, messaging every day, seeing me 3 times a week & then once I finally let my guard down a little, they back off?!
I am also worried because I know he is coming to Switch on Friday & me getting angry again, then ruining my night again. We had already arranged for him to stay at my house, but we all know how that turned out with Max that time… Maybe I’m over thinking it, maybe I should stop thinking about it, I mean this guy wasn’t going to be anything anyway, so why do I care?! But I always start out as I intend to go on, so why don’t guys do the same?
I post something in the group & then Noddy does too, but doesn’t say hello to me privately. I don’t know if it’s because I’m chatting in the group what but what is up with this guy? I don’t know what to do & I don’t want to play a stupid game but fucking hell he doesn’t make sense. I’m an adult, if I want this guy to fuck me, then I need to take matters into my own hands obviously, I message him because I’m an idiot! “Hey, how are you today? Still on for tonight? Thought you might even want to come to rope, do the class?” He takes almost an hour to read it then doesn’t respond straight away… I ask our friend Doddy if he understands what’s going on but he just says you have to get him in a room & chat to him, believe me I am trying!!! Fuck!
Noddy replies saying he should be good for tonight but won’t be home till late so won’t come to rope. No worries. I am sitting at home when I see a message pop up on my phone, all I can see is “Hey Beautiful……… Don’t hate me” I think fucking hell, I knew he was going to bail. I fucking knew it… Ok I have to read it to find out why & I also know I have to respond carefully. “I can’t go anywhere… my transmission is fucked in my car… I literally just went to leave work & I can’t fucking move it… I’m heaps sorry I really wanted to come see you tonight.” FUCKING HELL… I just knew he was going to bail, I just knew it… This guy clearly isn’t in to me! I’m flying out to Port Lincoln tomorrow morning & the next time I will see him will be Switch… If I wait till then I know I won’t have a good time, so I carefully word my response. “Oh no, that really sucks… Can I come see you after rope? We can just go for a drive in my car… I have to be at the airport at 8:00 am, so won’t be late…” He says that’s no problem & will be good to see me. I tell him I don’t mind that he lives north & that he doesn’t always have to come to my house, I can come to his – I mean I don’t really want to go inside or stay at his frat house, but I don’t always expect him to come to my side of town. Then I see him typing for ages… I try not to overthink what the fuck he writing. “TBH I didn’t even think of it. Because my housemates are here all the time & people (buying weed) come & go. Just not what I’d like to show you about my life… I feel it would scare you way too much too quickly….” Hmmm, maybe he is interested in me? He doesn’t want to scare me off… “I gotta admit… I’m kinda embarrassed about how I live ATM…” What does this guy think of me that he seriously think of me? As if I would be judgmental, I mean you just have to read this blog to know that I am never in a place to judge others! I tell him that I am not judgmental & couldn’t careless where he lives, but I need to talk to him face to face before I go away or my head will explode. He says he knows I’m not judgmental but its him being judgmental of himself – remind you of someone?! I’ve been here before with Noodle. But he says “Well yeah I definitely think we need to chat before you go away, haha I hope it doesn’t explode, that would be messy.” I make him send me his address before I walk into rope so that I am not preoccupied with him & if he’s going to bail out of this chat! He sends me his address & I relax – yaye for relaxed rope time…