“I’m just leaving rope now” I text Noddy to let him know I’m on my way he says “See you soon” & I drive to his house, thinking from what he was saying that he lives in the ghetto. But he doesn’t, his house is fairly nice. He gets in the car after I text to says I’m there & he says that I can come in, but I say that we should go for a drive, I don’t want to go into his house & meet his housemates, who seem to know lots about me – then we won’t resolve anything. I haven’t told that many people in my real life about him, mainly just people on the chat app. Everyone on the chat app knows because Noddy sent that picture of us in bed together, but other than that, I haven’t said much to anyone – I am cautious of everyone knowing & now that it’s shit, I’m glad I was smart enough not to tell people.
I figure if we go inside we won’t talk because we’ll either sit with his housemates awkwardly or end up having sex. So I suggest a drive, he starts giving me directions & I tell him that he’s better off pointing left & right because I will probably turn the wrong way. What is it about left & right’s when someone is giving you directions? Does anyone else do that, when someone says turn left, you turn right? Hahaha. Anyway we have a laugh about it & I kind of relax a little, he’s not being that standoffish with me, though he didn’t kiss me hello – every time Noddy has seen me, he kisses me hello & goodbye. We drive for about 10 minutes before he says to pull into the parking space on the side of a dark road, I do, turn the lights off & turn to him to say “So what’s been happening?” I hold my breath…. He tells me that his ex-girlfriend has been in contact with him again, mainly about the cats, he said he it’s stressing him out because he doesn’t think she’s living there as she’s with the guy she cheated with, so he’s worried about their well being. He talks about the car accident & now how fucked his car is, that he’s been so busy… (Fucking hell, I hate when men say that they’re so busy! WTF does it even mean?! So insulting, like I’m not busy.) He then asks me what’s been happening with me & I say “Well I’m confused” I explain that he was seeing me like 3 times a week & chatting to me constantly, then he just disappeared. He says again that his ex girlfriend has stressed him out & he’s busy but I know that’s not it… I say “That’s not completely true though is it?” He says no & chuckles a little like there is more to the story than he wants to share… but he says that he panicked, his housemates were giving him shit about how much he was seeing me & had actually asked if he was in love with me, which he started to think he was… WOHA! But because he just got out of a relationship he doesn’t want to get into another one, but he really really likes me. I ask why we have to label it & he says that that’s just who he is, he would’ve been asking me to label it with him. I mean I’m not 100% there yet, but I am pissed that he would just back off instead of talking to me. How old is this guy? I know he’s 10 years younger than me, but I thought he was more mature than this. I ask him if we can just keep going on how we are, seeing where it goes & having fun… (This is never something I thought I would ever have to say to a guy) he agrees that he can do that & I ask him to kiss me, which he does… I do consider fucking him but I didn’t bring a condom. We talk a bit more about all sorts of shit, he makes me laugh a lot, I am happy that I’ve had this talk with him, this week away will be bearable & Switch will be fun on Friday night. We’re going together, things are back on track & we don’t have to label it! I am planning the sort of exclusivity talk when I get my pap smear & STI check in a couple of weeks, but even that seems now to be too much if he’s freaking out about falling for me. But that’s my aim, then from there see if the boyfriend/girlfriend thing evolves.
I drop him home about 11:00 pm, kissing him goodbye in the car. He says that he has a present inside for me, the jumper he owes me for the debt, I’m not sure if he’s asking me inside for sex or what, but I just say to bring it on Friday. I say goodbye, feeling much better about this… Finally an adult conversation.
I chat in the group the next day about my terrible flight but refuse to message him. Seriously, WTF is wrong with me? I am so stubborn, it’s fucking dumb, I know! He falls asleep on me when we’re chatting & then I’m asleep when he wakes up to message so the next morning, it’s easy, I just reply in the morning & keep the conversation going, none of this who will say hello first…. This is why I need the stupid agreement Noodle & I had. However I remember Max telling me he didn’t want me to be an obligation, which is not what I want either, I feel like if I had that agreement with Noddy, I would be an obligation. I tell him that I am watching Game of Thrones, starting from the beginning & I need someone to help me through it. He says we should watch it together, which I agree but then he tells me that he’s downloading it… How confusing, does he want to watch with me or by myself?
I tell him that I’ve been out for dinner & been writing as I have a deadline… Why the fuck do I tell him that? I mean, I have been told to take the blog to the grave, never tell a guy I’m with that I have it… So I just say that I haven’t told him the entire truth about my writing, that I’m shy & don’t want to share it with him, he doesn’t pry which I am thankful for but says that I shouldn’t be shy about it, that he’s sure it’s amazing work.
We chat though out the week & I tell Noddy that I am going to be home early Friday night for Switch, he says that he’ll be at mine by 6:30 pm so he can make it up to me before we go to Switch. I tell Noddy he can pick out my lingerie for Switch. I try out a costume, but I look like shit, so I end up wearing my lingerie body suit with a skirt. I figure when he gets here, we’ll have sex & he can pick out some lingerie & maybe a toy to take with us or that I have to wear all night…
I ask him if it’s ok if I ask my sister to drop us into town which he says it’s ok. I asked my sister because I can explain who he is to her. But my dad ends up doing it… FUCK Noddy is going to meet my dad… But this is good perhaps, my dad is a big bogan, beer gut, missing teeth… Shows a bit of a different side of me, like my house is perfect & styled, I always am dressed nice with hair done, make up on, this will show him that I am not from a prim & proper background… I come from the lower to middle class… I would’ve been rowing with the other slaves if I was on the titanic.
It’s something Noodle never saw & didn’t get about me, he saw the super clean house, the uncluttered living space, he never saw the hoarding that my parents do or the 5 cars for 2 of them on their overgrown front lawn… Guys don’t really understand me fully I think because of the persona I show them. I should be proud that I come from a low social-economic background & that I have made something of myself.
I start to order pizza & wait for Noddy to come over, but he tells me he won’t be there till 7:00 pm, how long does it take to get ready FFS? I get a little pissed off… I mean really… This is fucked… I still haven’t heard from him that he’s left his house, when he messages to say he won’t be here till 7:30 pm… FUCKING HELL, this guy is going to bail? My friend has bailed as she’s sick… I bet he bails… I am angry now, I don’t want to be angry, but nothing annoys me more than people running late or bailing… I order the pizza thinking fuck you, then he says he’s on his way… PHEW.
I am walking around doing shit when I see him running up behind me & I jump like a manic… I must’ve left the front door unlocked & with the music loud, I didn’t hear him come in. He laughs his head off, thinking it’s the funniest thing seeing me jump. We kiss hello & I tell him I ordered the pizza ages ago because I was hungry. He eats & I lay on the ground in front of the heater, he leans down & kisses me, I wish he got here earlier…
He goes out to smoke & I finish getting ready, I’m in the bathroom minding my own business when I turn to walk out & he’s at the door watching me, I jump a mile again & he laughs his head off again, grabbing me & kissing me saying he was there for ages. I have the music loud so I didn’t hear him. We stand there kissing so much so that I say “You should’ve got here earlier” He nods in a way that reminds me of Max & says that he should’ve. I say that my dad is going to be here soon, so we can’t. We break apart & he goes one way, I go the other, then he comes to tell me that my dad just pulled up. I introduce them, they stand outside having a smoke together as I lock up the house & we get in the car to go to Switch.