So I want to do an unusual post, not actually about dating but to tell you that I have actually found the love of my life. How have I found the love of my life without dating? Well everyone with the stupid cliches were right, it happened when I least expected it. It happened when I wasn’t thinking it would.
It’s very strange me to actually, I know that I was in love with Marvel & that was absolutely epic at the time so it is so strange to me that there’s something that I love even more than him, something that gives me so much joy, something that actually provides me with love, with loyalty, with no thought of themselves. Something that loves me back, I can actually see the love in their eyes, I can feel it when they touch me.
I didn’t & still don’t think that there is only one love for us. That there is just one perfect person, I think that people can come & go in our lives. That we have some loves that change us & some loves that rock your world spinning it off its axis, if you’re very lucky you’ll get both from the same love.
It’s surprising to me that it actually took me so long to admit this or realise who the love of my life actually is, after all the dating, after all the heartaches & the heartbreak. I also didn’t realise it’s the only reason I ‘well up’ when something happens, I think about life ending together or think about them dying or think about anything happening, I think of them & I can actually feel myself getting too sad.
I can’t even put into words exactly how I feel & exactly how much my life has changed. They came into my life about 2 years ago, after being fired from my job, a job that I loved, that I was good at but was being bullied & harassed on a daily basis, that I started my little business, to kind of escape that & to stop taking to boys online due to not texting anyone. I was basically trying to keep busy, working really hard at everything I was doing, including looking after my health. I was writing my blog consistently back then too because I was dating so many people all who dicked me over in some way…
Then, my whole world is spun on it’s axis, it was love at first sight, I’ve never experienced anything like it before… I get the call that there are two puppies available for me, I always wanted a brother & sister pair but most breeders won’t let you have two… This was an accidental litter of a breed that I wanted so badly too… This was meant to be! I met them when they were just 36 hours old. I had spoken to the breeder the day they were born & arranged a visit to meet her & the little as soon as I could.
They were only tiny, tiny little puppies. Both of them fit in one hand. There were like little rats… I met their Mum & dad, I met their human breeder mum but I was about to be their real mum… A dream is coming true. I was smitten immediately. I wasn’t working at that time, so I was able to go out to their property & see them every week, I was so lucky that I was able to watch them grow, watch them learn to walk, learn to bark, learn to play & eat, turning into the beautiful little 8 week old puppies that I was able to bring home with me.
Now, I know this sounds ridiculous to some of you. I have never really been an animal person at all. I’ve got a almost 16 year old cat, who I got as a rebound from Boyfriend but she’s a bitch & we really don’t get along. I personally think the RSPCA fucked up giving her to me, she almost didn’t pass the test to be rehomed (this was back in the time when they euthanised animals that didn’t pass this test to be rehomed, I think.) I was a first time cat owner, also a first time pet owner. She shouldn’t have been given to me! She’s recently bit my finger so badly that I had to get a tetanus shot, my hand was so bruised & battered, that I can’t bend that finger, even almost a week later!
But…
My dogs.
My God, my dogs have changed my life. They have changed my life like you wouldn’t believe. In my house it’s usually completely spotless, something Marvel used to say to me – that my house is too clean. Well it certainly isn’t clean now, with their hair & their freaking toys, the bones, the scraps of beds all over my lounge room but they have genuinely changed everything about me. They have made me feel so safe, let’s not pretend, when they were puppies & I was adjusting to them & toilet training, especially when you’ve got two the same age, from the same litter & one pisses over there & one pisses over here, at the same time can be so frustrating, considering I still had carpet.
I genuinely think that I’m able to be single now & completely content with not chatting to boys because it doesn’t matter anymore, I’ve got two things in my life that I literally adore, things that I take to doggy daycare, that I take the dog park, that I take to the dog beach, that come with me on Christmas day to my sisters… They are spoilt rotten! They get everything that they ever could possibly want.
My boy dog looks at me like he adores me, my girl dog loves me, I know that, but she just does not have that same look. But they are always happy to see me, their tails always wagging & they do this thing where it looks like they are smiling at you. It’s so fucking cute. They groan in their sleep when they are content, they both like to touch me when they are sleeping…
I just love them so fucking much… I recently went away for work, I was chatting to M8 consistently then, then he just went quiet. The dogs were staying a someone’s house who I didn’t know, but I’d found on the Facebook page for the breed. I was home late two night & because I am doing a renovation, I decide that they can stay there two nights. I have to come home without them being here. The house is empty. The house feels broken.
It makes me realise, having being dicked over by yet another guys this year… That they are the love of my life! I genuinely think now that I don’t need to worry about finding a man because I’ve been loved. As you all know that was my biggest fear – dying without being loved. I’ve feared that I was never going to be loved by anyone & I know that regardless of what people say Marvel loves me, I can see it… I still see that, not quite like it used to be but I still see it. I feel like a weight on my shoulders has been lifted… I don’t want to be talking to any boys, I don’t want to be investing my time with someone who is just going to waste it.
It makes me sad that I am not going to have a partner in my life, it makes me sad that my puppies are the love of my life, but I am ok with it, I now feel like I can have a life without a partner. I always knew that I could, I have done for basically 16 years, the only thing that will destroy me now, is the death of a family member or the death of my dogs.
Since this realisation, I booked I for a tattoo… I didnt know what I wanted but now I do. I want 3 little paw prints on my wedding ring finger. I’m now well into my 40’s. I’m 100% never having kids, I’m clearly never getting married so my reminder everyday that I am loved & that I am loveable is on my finger. A finger I expected a diamond to be on, is now tattooed with the cat & dogs paw prints. This is also my reminder not to download a dating app when I feel sad… So far – it’s worked.
This is probably the weirdest post I’ve ever done, I would say mainly because who has the love of her life as a pet. As two pets in fact. There’s no one else, these two don’t ghost me, they don’t act like they’re too busy for me. They always want to see me, they always want to be touching me or be near me… which lets face it can be annoying, but they are the cutest! So from now on, they are the loves of my life – I have great friends but to be honest I am wanting to spend more time with my dogs than with friends. I’ve still got Marvel for sex, for now. So this is it for me.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 