Motocross #24

Ok so lets jump ahead a little bit in the timeline & give you an update what is going on with Motocross. I have met & fucked Silverlining, WOW, I’ve fucked him & it was 1000 times better than the sex I’ve had with Motocross. They don’t even compare.

Motocross still in the background putting in a bit of effort, seeing me still, & he’s said that he’s coming to Brisbane to surprise me, that I make the decision that if he does come to Brisbane to see me, then I will put all my eggs back in his basket & I will stop fucking Silverlining. He’s not single, he’s not leaving her despite how much he tells me he loves me, he won’t leave, so I need to focus on a man that is single (as far as I know!) & that I like, regardless of if he likes me or not, I have to focus on something else, other than the partnered ex boyfriend I’m still in love with.

I’m also reminded of what my sister said to me one Sunday night when I was confessing to her that I was chatting to Silverlining & considering meeting up with him for lunch. When I first told her that I was seeing Motocross & that he is living in California, she said to me that I am absolutely not moving overseas, she will not allow it! (We have this thing about not seeing each other!) But when I said I want to meet Silverlining – that I am going to see him again, she tells me “If it’s between Motocross & Silverlining, then you’re moving to California.” DOUBLE FUCK. She’s right, but at this point with Motocross, is there a choice? Silverlining has told that I need to forget about him & focus on Motocross, but Silverling tells me that he doesn’t think that Motocross is that into me & I deserve better – how confusing! Of course when my sister plants the seed of me moving to California, I actually start to think about a life there with Motocross, could I do that? I could get away from all the Silverlining bullshit once & for all. I could actually move on. He could move on. I could be truly happy overseas for a few years then come back to Adelaide to live in that ridiculous house he was looking at buying, I would get the wedding of my dreams & I would be blissfully happy with Motocross. -OMG it’s scary where my head goes sometimes!

Anyway as you all know I am a planner. I plan, I overthink the plans I try to work out every issue that may arise in any scenario. It’s probably why I am so good at the job I have too. Assessing the risks & scenarios. I am always thinking one step ahead. But this is probably to the detriment of my relationships, because I also live out little fantasy scenarios! Usually that never come true. I am excited that Motocross might be coming to Brisbane to see me – it was supposed to be a surprise, but he told me because I cracked it about being the only one making plans.

So I’m busy planning this trip in my head, so much so that I forget to think about Silverlining as much when we’re not chatting, though I’m still chatting to him daily & every spare moment he has, but he logs off at night to be with his family & so now I have something else to look forward too & something that I finally say is mine, Motocross isn’t fucking anyone else, even though I now have – it won’t happen again when he comes to Brisbane, I won’t be able to cut Silverlining off but I won’t meet him again for sex. Like I said, I will put all my eggs in his motocross helmet! Hahaha.

Also something I forgot to tell you too, which is hilarious so you need to know. One night with Motocross we were watching YouTube & he tells me about a film clip that he was in. OMG that’s super exciting & easily verified, I ask him to put it on, because then I will have some verified information about his career & put my mind at ease about all the other bullshit. He uses the remote to click on the song, literally the most hilarious song ever, I know a lot of songs but I haven’t ever heard this one before, but it’s but Bec Cartwright who used to be on Home & Away, then married Leighton Hewitt the Adelaide tennis player… Anyway when we watch the film clip I am laughing my head off. I feel bad for Motocross but he said he got paid for it so who cares. Watch the video then read what I have to say about it because it’s literally fucking hilarious.

So if you didn’t watch the film clip, but were thinking that you would see Motocross’ face & it will reveal him to the world, you are sadly mistaken… What you will see that every dude on a motorbike has a fucking helmet on! A full head covering helmet with dark mask. The guys could literally be any guy on the fucking bike! However I will give him snaps for knowing the most obscure song with motocross riders in the film clip! I have no reason not to believe him but fuck this is farfetched, I bet it was someone he knows perhaps, or maybe he did ride in the film clip but no one will ever know… Jesus, I hope you’re laughing as much as I did. I gave him so much shit!

After the phone call from Motocross to say that he was thinking of coming to Brisbane, I realise that I told him the wrong dates – I do not want to text him, I want find out if he will message me. But my friend J-Lo says it’s kind of rude if I don’t correct my mistake in case he really does book flights. I am highly doubtful that Motocross will rock up in Brisbane & I’ll just get an ‘I’m so sorry I was so busy’ type message before I come home but because I fucked up the dates, I message him with the correct ones, he says he’ll see what he can do & I leave it with him.

I have about 6 days in Brisbane staying with my friend to meet her new baby & then I visit some family too. The whole time I’m away, I’m messaging Silverlining daily – trying not to message too much because fuck it’s annoying but OMG, I also can’t stop myself. I spill the beans with my friend obviously, telling her everything as we shop & are ladies who lunch but that doesn’t change the way I feel, she doesn’t tell me I’m an idiot but I know that’s what she thinks, I know that’s probably what I would be thinking if someone were telling me this story. But I want to messaging Silverlining but I am also willing Motocross to message me – I want him to make some effort with me, Silverlining is making the effort, why can’t Motocross? I am so hopeful that he will message & even just say ‘how’s your trip’ but I never hear from Motocross again… YEP! You all guessed it, he’s a dud…

Motocross boy she likes makes you put your head through a wall

So I knew in my heart that Motocross wasn’t ever coming to Brisbane, I just knew that he wouldn’t, but I honestly didn’t think he would just never message me again! Like, what the fuck. He didn’t even message to say sorry he wasn’t coming. Who does that?

Lets wrap this up, so a little while later – weeks maybe months, I can’t remember, he is still on the dating app when I go back on there to have a look, I don’t delete him but when I update my profile he deletes me – no love lost there. However, as much as his story made him sound like a right fuckwit, I think about him a lot.  Was is because he was potentially single?

Even a few months later, things have progressed in my life (No spoilers!) but I am surprised when I see Motocrosses name come up in my snapchat, he’s added me as a friend. But when I go to click on it, it’s not there. When I search him, it comes up with a friend requested button… WHAT THE FUCK. I decide to click to add him to see what the fuck he has to say. To be honest, I barely ever use snapchat. He sends me one of a race track (An indoor one, I forget if that is supercross or motocross) I ask him if he won, he says yes of course & just sent an bitmoji of me looking at him as a trophy, hard to explain but it fitted it perfect. I get nothing back & so I just think that is that.

However a few hours later I get a message from him “Hey so I gotta say I’m sorry for not talking or anything kinda went mia Back home for a couple of weeks before Supercross started here cause me dog past away unexpectedly so that obviously wrecked be and just didn’t wanna talk or see anyone for a bit” OMG, that’s so sad – however, his dog was here with him? He made a point of telling me he’d brought his dog with him this trip & was potentially planning on leaving it here when he went home?! I say that I’m sorry to hear that & just figured he wasn’t interested, so didn’t push it with him. He says that the dog passed away on his birthday & that’s why he didn’t talk much – UM, dude, he stopped talking to me in early September, his birthday was early October? How can he even say his dog dying is an excuse for not talking to me?! He says that he was in Paris racing also, I say that I’m not trying to give him a hard time but he said he was planning on coming to Brisbane then never messages me again, excuses don’t matter, it’s not hard to fucking text someone. He says that he did want to talk to me but wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to him & also didn’t really know what to say to me. I tell him it pissed me off not that he didn’t come to Brisbane, but the fact that he didn’t even message to say he wasn’t coming, or to even ask how my trip was going. He just says that he has poor communication skills & that he’s sorry he didn’t… Yeah I’ll fucking say he has poor communication skills, like fucking hell!!!

I tell him I gave up & he said that he failed on his end & I say it’s good he can accept that, he says “I always expect when I’m wrong”  I ask if he means accept, then write #true. He writes back # correct & I laugh saying that if he ever wants to make it up to me, he knows where I am. He says “Make it up to you hows that. Yeah true I do.”  I ask if he’s asking me how he can make it up to me, because that sentence isn’t even a sentence, but he just sends back an emoji with its hands in the air. What the fuck does that mean?! Whatever dude… Again I don’t hear from him after that.

#IBD4U

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