Silverlining #28

I love my readers comments on my posts, I never expected Marvel to be such intrigue! As I wrote about it last blog, I didn’t think it meant as much as it does. Or that you would all be guessing who it is…  All will be revealed! Read on to find out…

So I land in Brisbane, as soon as we’re allowed to turn on our phones as we’re taxing, I do & I check the app. I expect there to be nothing from Silverlining because I said goodbye & I love you expecting him to be offline when I land & that I’ll just send him a quick message that I have arrived safe. I have thought of our sexy afternoon the whole flight, I have thought about him the entire time. I can’t wait to get to Brisbane & message him. I also hope that somehow Motocross has sent me a message too. (However we all know how that turns out!)

To my surprise there are over 15 messages from Silverlining after I logged out, probably about an hour into my flight, he knows I wouldn’t have been able to read it until he was done… “Okay confession time.” My gut wrenches – this can’t be good “Pretty sure you suspected it” WHAT? “And I gave it away today.” OMG, what is he talking about “But I rejoined the chat app in an attempt work out if this stranger I was talking too was you.” Are you freaking kidding me? “I had my suspicions before you even talked about your Epic love. So like some kind of stalking loser. I rejoined the chat app, joined your group.” He’s even in my group?! Fucking hell “Then worked out it was you 100% as you would post in your group any time you messaged me while you were working. Well was like 90% sure at that point. Then some how accidental got some gossip on Cowboy today and told you stupidly by accident lol.” We talked about Cowboy briefly today before I shut it down “Can’t believe the douche wanted to speak to my partner about my cheating ways yet the wanker is married , with kids my age and cheating himself !!!!! I found his fucking mistress by accident lol wtf. Still trying to work out why you tried to ummm , move the conversation away from the chat app and tell me not to think about it or focus on it … You hinted that you suspected anyway. Didn’t want to look too loser and stalkerish.”  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I don’t even know what to say, I read the messages over & over until I have to get off the plane. I close the app & get off the plane, my heart pounding & feeling like such a fool.

Let’s break this down. Ok so he’s on the chat app but as who? (I gave it away last blog hahaha… He’s Marvel, but I don’t actually know this yet!) But Silverlining has said multiple times that he is “staying so far away from the chat app” so far away, his words! “Keeping my ass away from there, I made too many enemies etc” blah blah blah. Yet he’s been on there for 26 days as Marvel… Fucking prick. He’s also been in my group this whole time stalking me, I don’t know if I can say this is catfishing because he didn’t really chat in the group & I didn’t reply to his private message – which was only sent just before I flew out that I ignored anyway. But what the fuck is this… He’s been on the chat app, the thing he swore he was staying away from & has now been chatting to Cowboys mistress?!

So to give you some more information about Cowboy, when Silverlining & I were between sex (or making love for those who prefer that) today, he started talking about Cowboy, a guy from the chat app that hated Silverlining & who I ended up fucking after it ended with Silverlining the first time, because I was trying to get back at him… Cowboy begged me fore Silverlining’s partners chat app account to talk to her, I came close to giving it to him, so close, but I didn’t…  But now to find out that Cowboy is also married & has kids the same age as Silverlining just pisses me off. To be fair, I never asked if he was single, he lives in a small country town, it was never going to be a relationship anyway but he should’ve told me he was married. But I mean the guy was sending pictures of himself to my friend while on a date with me, so he is the biggest douche to walk the earth… This just confirms it… However that’s not even the point, Silverlining was talking about him today & I kept trying to change the subject, he asked me why I didn’t want to talk about Cowboy & my reasons were two fold. I didn’t want to tell him that I fucked him (& I don’t tell him that reason) but I also didn’t want to waste the little time I have Silverlining face to face talking about some douche canoe that we both don’t like – which is what I tell him.

But what fucks me off most about this revelation is that Silverlining is not only on the app stalking me for the past 26 days, but he is clearly in other groups chatting to other people! I always knew he chats to other people, that’s not why it bothers me, I chat to others too, so that doesn’t bother me – I can’t be pissed off about that. It bothers me because he categorically said that he was staying away from the chat app. I get that he wanted to find out who I was & obviously if I get time on breaks at work or am between things that I use my phone, I check all the apps, write to him & post in the group for example – so he could work out it was me. So he could go on the app & stalk me, a little weird but ok, I get it. But for him to join other groups & start chatting to other people, OH MY GOD that just fucks me off, I don’t even know what to say about this now… The most amazing afternoon spent intimate & sexy with him has just been shattered.

I put my phone in my handbag, go get my suitcase & meet my friend who’s picking me up. I don’t message Silverlining to tell him that I am safely in QLD. I am too angry & need some time to simmer down. I cannot believe this! I try to enjoy my time with my friend & her family but when I go to bed, I stare at his messages for so long, trying to work out what to say about this… I’m honestly not as angry as I was, I am starting to think it’s kind of cute that he’s on the app trying to work out who I was as the stranger. But I am annoyed about the fact he’s joining other groups after saying he needs to stay away from the app. I’ve been using this anon app with him because I didn’t think he’d go on the chat app again from what bullshit he’s spun me & it turns out, I’ve had this app open all day everyday waiting for messages because I don’t get notifications. “Wow… ok… No I didn’t know at all or suspect that. I saw that you had the chat app on your phone today when you looked for the calculator but I just assumed cos you have joint itunes account & she still has it on her phone that it came up on your phone… Have you tried to talk to me on the chat app?” This is what I suspect he’s Marvel, I knew there was something about that message about that account “I tried to move the conversation from talking Cowboy & the chat app because I didn’t want to waste time talk about shit that doesn’t matter… I can’t believe that you’re on the chat app stalking me… I don’t even know what to say TBH.” I put my phone down & refuse to look at it. I don’t know if I am hurt, I don’t know how I feel about this. Like I said, him being on there isn’t a problem, I have been hinting for him to join so I can get notifications again, but I didn’t think he’d be in other groups chatting to other people… People that used to know us too…!

No words seem right to describe how I feel right now, I am frustrated, annoyed, angry, I feel slightly violated & stupid. But I don’t know how I should feel about this. Of course I check the app when I wake up & there is 10 messages from him at 6:30 am, then 2 more at 7:45am, because he’s constantly thinking about me. “I literally signed up for the chat app for one reason…. It was to confirm or deny if the stranger was you. I was going to keep my ass away from the chat app I can assure you haha”  So then why are you chatting in other groups Douche? “Fuck as if you saw I even had the chat app on my phone. My partner has the chat app on her phone but I deleted the app ages ago on the record , but yeah it’s easier to chat on the anonymous app to you than the chat app and she knows about the chat app and will check my phone regularly for it but has no idea what the anonymous app is and I can hide it in my apps with no notifications.” She’s still checking his phone? I don’t know how these two live like this – though why am I putting up with this shit too? “Well at least I told you eventually and was honest about it.” That makes it ok? “You were reminding me too much of a chick I know I couldn’t resist … Turns out I didn’t need to stalk you in groups. Your over sharing best friend ways with me told me 100 Times more than anything I could get from groups. I signed up the 2nd day I was chatting to you I think. It wasn’t meant to be malicious. Yeah I get that it wasn’t meant to be malicious… I get why he did it, I get how his mind works, too stubborn to just ask me if I was me, so he had to stalk me. However like I said, it’s the chatting to other people, being in other groups when he said he only joined to find out if I was the stranger. So why did he need to join other groups & chat privately to other people if that were true? Am I being too sensitive here?! I am over thinking this, I don’t want to be angry about it…

Silverlining worst place to be

At 7:45 am I get “Oh yeah good morning. And I have a question … is fucking me and … worse still … hugging and cuddling me … is that just making things worse for you or helping you?”  As if I can have that conversation with him about what this is doing to me while I am still angry about him being on the chat app… FUCK… There is too much going on for me to have a straight head so I wait a few hours to reply. I’m not sure my head is any clearer when I reply, however I reply “Morning… I try not to look at your phone, even though you use it constantly around me, because I don’t like to stalk or be untrusting of people. I figure if they want me to know, they’ll tell me. But I’ve already told you this, as I never looked up your partner or MC for that matter. I only overshared because I knew it was you. Otherwise I wouldn’t have even talked about our story… Have you sent me a PM on the chat app? I’m assuming you did yesterday, you’re Marvel right?” I knew it was him, I had a fucking feeling about the account when I saw it, I just knew. I never thought it was his partner, apparently she doesn’t know how to use the app that well – albeit she can apparently hack Facebook to look at my private photos, but she can’t work out how to find groups by typing in the group search function that comes up when you join ‘Adelaide’ & ta da, all the Adelaide groups come up! FUCK SAKE.

He tells me I’m an idiot for trusting people, that I shouldn’t trust anyone, I should look up MC & it makes sense to me that he never told his partner off for looking me up when he thinks it’s ok. I just say also that I won’t go into detail but things are different this time & the sex with hugging & cuddles is not a problem for me. He asks me to elaborate but I don’t. I don’t tell him that he makes it very clear that he isn’t leaving her without saying it, he still tells me how much he loves me of course & I believe it, I feel his love when I’m with him. However I still have this niggling feeling they have gotten married already. It hurts me to think about it & I adore this man & want him all to myself but I also know that this isn’t our time. He’s not committed to her & if he left her, he couldn’t commit to me, not now maybe not ever. But I know we need to go through this, both of us need to go through this for the second time. I don’t know what the reason is, but somehow we’ve been pulled together again & I need to see this though.

He tells me that he is Marvel & that Cowboy’s mistress has added him to her private group, which actually fucks me off even more! He’s been on there 26 fucking days & in her private group?! He asks me again if I fucked him & I ignore it, I mean I’m assuming he’s only asking because he knows the answer. He says that he’s on the anon app more than the chat app but says if I want notifications, I can message him on there. I say “funny how you say you’re staying so far away from the chat app, yet are PMing other people in 26 days…” He replies “Jealous much?” which fucking makes me laugh, I mean am I jealous? Why am I jealous of this fuckwit chatting to other people? I mean he’s got a fucking partner, what difference does it make if he chats to other people? He says that it’s my fault he joined “My fault? You could’ve just asked me on the anon app who I was. Not joined groups. Not PMed on there”  I don’t want to be upset about this, I am not his partner trying to control him, but I can express me opinion “Are you legit angry with me?”  I guess I’m not legitimately angry. It just sucks he has limited time online & he spends it wanting to chat to others as well, however, this is who he is. I say that I am not angry but I just find it interesting. I really have no right to be angry here, I know he has a partner, I know he chats online, I chat online too… So I send a picture of a bruise & caption it “I’d never get away with cheating…”  I bruise so easily with him, I don’t even know how I got it, it’s on my chest but small & round. We talk about sex & how hot the afternoon was, I mean I don’t want to spend the little time I have with him fighting about bullshit. I know he wouldn’t trust anyone to be at his house so I know he’s not fucking anyone else… I send naughty pictures to guys I’ve talked to for a long time like Dom Dom & J-Lo, so I can’t really be angry & I don’t want to be angry. I don’t know how long I will have with Silverlining & I don’t want my next regret to be that I spent this time fighting with him for something I have done myself.

#IBD4U

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