The more I talk to Noodle, the more he tells me about his partner & how she thinks he’s cheating on her – apparently accuses him all the time of it, tracks his phone with the find my iPhone app, goes through his phone looking for evidence of pictures or apps (he deletes the chat app daily before he gets home from work) & that he never goes out without her. He also tells me that if he’s at work & he doesn’t answer her text or call quick enough, she’ll call the store to find him. But every time she is not with him, he’s chatting to me online, she sleeps a lot so we chat till like 11:00 am in the mornings they’re both home together & sometimes she’s in bed by 9:00pm, there’s also days where she naps for hours & he comes back online, where I am waiting patiently for him. No wonder he’s lonely, she sleeps for 20 hours a day.
I do continue to question him why he is online if he’s not unhappy with her & how long he’s been online, I also question why she’s so paranoid, (She clearly has every right to be at this point, but I wonder what he did to get here) & why they aren’t married if they call each other husband & wife. He tells me that he’s been online since they had their son 3 years ago, he wasn’t ready for a kid yet but she stopped taking the pill & got pregnant. He tells me they never got married because it’s too expensive & neither of them cared about it – I’m not sure why you would bother getting engaged then. He says he’s never actually met anyone in person, it’s just been texting & sharing pics with women online the anonymous app (I wonder if I’ve ever chatted to him on there?!), I have no reason not to believe him. He tells me that she found his dick pics in the deleted folder as they have the same iTunes account, it apparently shows up on her phone or their ipad, I forget which (I’m not an iPhone user so I don’t know how this works) & she questioned him. He said after that he deleted everything, scared of being caught again & at that point she obviously started going through his phone. Firstly why would he even give her his phone – he doesn’t seem like the type to be so pussy whipped, secondly how does she live like that, always questioning & looking for evidence – that would drive me insane!! I question why he won’t leave her & he says that he’s an asshole & she put ups with a lot of shit from him as he’s a grumpy fucker. He also follows it up with the fact that he’s not unhappy… -I call bullshit on that, but let it go. Not my problem about his unhappiness.
Somehow Noodle & I are able to chat a lot even though he has to delete the app every time he’s at home & she’s awake, but we talk about everything, all sorts of bullshit – all day from the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep, talking to early hours of the morning. He confides in me about a significant childhood trauma that saw him lose his dad tragically at a very young age – which I feel like he never dealt with as he should’ve. I confide in him about my family dramas which aren’t as extreme but still relevant to me & also shaped me to who I am, as it did him, but to be really honest with you, we actually talk about food the most! Yeah that’s kind of sad but we do. We’re both trying to continue to lose weight (Me having lost about 20 kgs, him about 30 kgs at that point) & he gives me some guidance on a protein rich diet & supplement drinks like pre workout that I should try. He gives me a smoothie recipe & helps me pick good choices to eat when I’m out. My sister is the only one who knows about him & even says to me one day when I’m texting him madly in the food court “What does Noodle say you can eat?” I laugh & think fuck I’m so ridiculous.
But talking food, helps me keep this in check, this man has picked out his wife… I am not in this for anything other than friendship, he’s helping me a lot with my health, I appreciate him for that, it’s really working, I don’t have an one else in my life doing what I’m doing… But it also becomes a bit of an addiction, I don’t want to stop taking to him – we also have that silly agreement. But I have no intentions of this going further.
When I’m out with real life friends, I’m obsessed with messaging him. He’s only online when he’s not with her so I try to be available whenever he’s online. What a fucking idiot! Sometimes he only gets 5 minutes while in the toilet, shower or cooking dinner, when he cheekily downloads the app & chats quickly to me, so I feel like I have to write back instantly or I might not get to talk to him at all that night, especially if either of us fall asleep. I hate if I go out & can’t use my phone & know that he may be online. I try to do it discreetly but my friends notice my obsession. I even get a bit obsessed with the groups too. If you don’t keep up you get left out easily & I am obsessed if they were talking about me too.
Lots of ladies share pics but I wasn’t one for sharing that stuff publicly or really privately either but I am caught up in the fun & the compliments they get! So when I do post pics in the public groups, I use photobomb which is a photo app though the chat app where you send a pic to the group but only one person in the group can get it, so first in, best dressed so to speak & it only lasts for 5 seconds. I only ever send them when Noodle is online hoping that he’ll get them & he’ll post the emoji with heart eyes or the fire emoji meaning that he thinks I’m hot. I love that he pretty much gets them all & it’s not before long that an admin guy, let’s call him Holden, kicks him out of the group as a joke because he wanted to get my photobomb & he was annoyed that Noodle kept getting them!
I get added as admin to a bunch of the groups I am in as I make friends with a lot of the people & apparently we all have no lives because we’re on there all the time! Hahaha. For the first time in my life I am not an inbetweener, I am a cool kid! Every guy that joins the groups hits on me & I have the power to delete them if they are a douche. However there is only one guy I want but I can’t bring myself to tell him or anyone else that, I mean what else is there to say when he’s already picked out his wife!
Look, I know he’s a liar, clearly he’s lying to his partner every time she asks if he’s cheating, he says no… I guess he’s not cheating per se but chatting online it just as bad, if not worse in my eyes, than just fucking another woman. So I am not so naïve that I should believe everything he says, however he has no reason to lie to me, I can just tell. Just as his partner can tell he’s lying to her, even though he denies it, I can tell he’s not lying to me. I’m not a very trusting person but I have good instincts. I trust them & they haven’t ever done me wrong yet.
One day Noodle & I start to bicker about us meeting – I want to meet, we’ve been talking for months but he tries to friendzone me so he can fuck someone else. He actually knows about all the men I am seeing. Yes, he says that we’ll be friends & he’ll find someone else. What the actual fuck? I am so angry that I crack the shits & try to stop talking to him but he keeps chatting & then he tries to stop talking to me & I think fuck you Noodle, he can bloody well explain why he says to me that he wants to fuck me but is just going to just be friends with me while he goes & fucks someone else. WTF dude… Here I am, actually going against everything I stand for, willing to fuck this partnered guy possibly, cheat with him & he wants someone else?! I feel like such a fucking idiot! I actually finally get out of him that he tried to friendzone me because I was messaging him one day, while his partner was at work, he was messaging me but then I just stopped because Max came over, which made him feel insignificant. I think that is the first time that my heart breaks a little for my actions… However Noodle seems to forget that I am deleted every night when he is with his family, without a second thought…
The fact that Noodle & I talk through everything so openly & honestly already, before we just snap & cut each other off, is what gets us though the little bickering spats we have – it gets us through the friendzoning incident without any damage. We both agree that we are super stubborn, but with him, I realise that I am willing to work though the issues. Why? I have no fucking idea, because usually I just cut a guy off when he pisses me off, I can’t be bothered dealing with bullshit. But with Noodle, I keep chatting to him to make him realise how dumb that is… Why am I fighting to meet this partnered guy & start an affair? There’s no future here, he’s said he’s not leaving her, so what am I even doing?