Silverlining #16

We’re all hanging here! I know… I am barely breathing. I ask what, what the fuck could he possibly want to ask me, in the few seconds that it takes for him to respond, I have a million thoughts, mostly about him leaving her & wanting to make a go of it with me, with my heart beating so fast, waiting for his question, when it finally pops up it says “Have you eaten breakfast loser ?” I literally burst out laughing, a sigh of relief, almost spitting out my breakfast & so I send him a picture of the protein shake I’m drinking. I say I drank half & he says “Drink all of it fuck head.” I say “yes sir” & he says “good girl” & I can’t help but smile like a tool. It’s just like old times.

He says something about his protein shake & I say I always drank his protein shot like a good girl or let him rub it into my tits, I remind him that I used to wear it all day long. He says that he misses that so much & asks how many guys I’ve let cum on my face since him. When he asks stuff like this, I wonder if he actually knows me at all, I mean he knows how long it took me to do it with him, he knows he was the first guy I ever allowed to do that to me too, so when I tell him zero & he says bullshit. I do wonder how he thinks he knew me better than I knew him, when he thinks that shit about me. He knows that I always said that I never let random guys get the best of me. Only one guy since him has been allowed to fuck me in the ass. I have fucked a lot of guys but I definitely don’t let them cum on my face!

I tell him that I never used to like cum on me at all but his reaction to it, made me love it, I wanted to please him & I loved that look he gave me when he rubbed it into my tits or saw it on my face. Not that he came on my face a lot.

We get back on to the subject about him avoiding me, avoiding my fetlife account & avoiding anything on the anonymous app that he thought was me, he says that it was fun being strangers but he had a hunch fairly early on & was wondering how he was going to reveal himself to me “Was gonna be like you’re #IBD4U Surname and your street name which I see every fucking day on the way to work” OMG, I always wondered if he noticed that my street name is on a sign on his way to work, it would be hard not to notice it as it’s a giant sign but I never thought that he would notice that, didn’t think he’d notice it weekly, let alone daily. I think that is so fucking adorable. He continues that he knew I was wasn’t dumb, I knew his timetable but then I played dumb when he tried to reveal himself & he freaked out that I didn’t know. I say that I wondered if he ever paid attention to the street name or even when he sees cheezels. He says that he noticed the street name every fucking day. He says that I got angry at being cat fished but I was cat fishing him. I did not cat fish him at all, I was 100% me at all times. I changed a few details & didn’t disclose everything but I was 100% myself.

I tell him that I was desperate to message him on his birthday this year, but I didn’t. He says that he doesn’t remember any birthdays or his kids, so he doesn’t know mine but he says it’s really sweet that I wanted to message him & says that I must really love him… Well Durh! I did also think of his daughter on her first birthday & wondered what they were doing for it. I saw her at the show & say that she super cute. His replies come so quickly that I am smiling the whole time “She’s fucking adorable. Omg she’s sooooo cute. She’s daddy’s little girl now lol. I fucking love her so much. She’s a sassy little bitch with attitude sometimes tho”  I tell him that he is fucking adorable & he replies “ok I’m not adorable. I don’t do adorable”  OMG I want to hug him! FUCK. That is so cute. Him as a dad is literally the cutest thing ever. “I’m manly and cool and stuff okay. Silverlining and adorable don’t go in the same sentence.”

When he says “Important question time because I’m legit worried about you”  I know that it’s probably going to be about me eating “Have you eaten some lunch ?” Fuck I love him… FUCK FUCK FUCK. He tells me not to lie to him & I have eaten something small however I’m at work on my holidays fixing up some stuff so I am not in a frame of mind to be eating. I tell him not to worry, I’m still fat – although I remember when Motocross said something about my weight & said that I weighed 68kgs, I forget why we were talking about weight but I love that Motocross thinks I’m that small. I wish! I tell Silverlining that I still have at least 10kgs to lose & his quick replies again catch me off guard “No you don’t. You look fine how you are. I found you incredibly hot when I was with you. You don’t need to lose anymore. I want you to do me a favour. Don’t look at the scales again. Stop looking at your scales. You were beautiful the way you were before. And if you have lost more weight , are fitter and smaller. Your even more beautiful now.” OMFG Why am I not with this guy!?

Silverlining love finds you

I send him some pictures & he says that I look stunning. Never have I heard him call me stunning – maybe he did once or twice before. He’s not said beautiful much, but he has a few times… But I don’t think he’s ever said stunning. I send some more pictures & he says that some guys got lucky those nights. However every single picture I send him, I went home alone. He says that the doesn’t believe me. “Like I said, I’m not as amazing as you seem to think…”  He says that he thinks I’m amazing. FUCK. Then I realise that he actively sought out the song to listen to this morning & say how fucking cute that is, but he tries to deny it.  (OMG our conversations jump all over the place! Hahaha)

When he says that he wants to know who catfished him on the anonymous app ages ago, I can’t help but think not this old chestnut. I mean it’s an anonymous app, I don’t know how anyone could seek him out to catfish him on purpose. I can’t even listen to him blame me again for doing that when I didn’t, but if he was so suspicious of the woman, why did he give his partners account to her to chat to too?! He says that he never told his partner about the anonymous app, that she doesn’t know about it at all because it wasn’t part of his affair with me… OMG another lie by omission! He keeps telling me who he suspects it was, but it was no one I know – no one told me anyway. Our relationship, now in my experience after sharing with you guys especially from your comments & messages, that it was not uncommon. ‘Married man falls for mistress, wife finds out but husband stays with wife & leaves mistress hurt.’ So if someone else had a similar experience, then he just happened to find them to discuss it with, it was just a coincidence. Or maybe a friend of mine, but no one ever confessed to it.  I mean all the things his partner was saying about me on the chat app was getting back to me, she told so many people so many things. So I am not surprised that he felt like I was catfishing him. However, for the record, I did not. Anytime I’ve wanted to talk to him, I have used my own profile, I wouldn’t try to be someone else. I always told him that if I wanted to find something out, I knew where she worked, I would just walk into her work & talk to her or I just asked him. But I am not going to pretend to be someone else on an app to get information. I was getting it readily from random people anyway for free, I didn’t need to go to the trouble of making fake accounts & stalking the anonymous app waiting for him to post.

He says that he listened to the song because of me – see our conversation jumping around, which he says just as I say that I’ll let it go, but he says fuck you because he already replied before I said I’d let it go. I cheekily add “You can fuck me..” but he says “Your seeing someone you can’t make that offer to me lol.” Well that’s a bit rich, isn’t it? “Says the partnered man who fucked me for a year!”  He can’t deny that “Oops. It’s your fault!” Bahaha, not the fuck is that my fault. “You tempted me too much. Your tempting me already ffs”  I know he’s joking so I say that it’s not my fault that he had soooo many women lined up. “Yeah but one pushed me over the edge and i actually did it. Organized a way to see her .. Weekly too … The last thing we should do is fuck… That would be soooo unhealthy. I won’t deny that I wanted to this morning. I knew my partner was distracted , I got stuck with kid drop off  so only had 20 mins at the gym , which isn’t worth it. Lol” OMG so he’s thinking about ways to see me!? I say that I want to see him again, maybe if we just meet for lunch. He asks when I am on holidays, I say that I’m already on holidays but don’t fly out for another week. He says “I’m on a tight leash these days …” I literally laugh “I’m well aware of that, I didn’t ask you to go to QLD. I just asked to see you for lunch” He says that he could do tomorrow or when I say Thursday he says that he has his daughter all day. It’s Tuesday tomorrow so I know he works late, he says that we could meet before work, at like 11:00 am. He suggests that we could do it at my local shops because he can get a hair cut or that we can just do lunch near his work. I think a place near his work where no one would see us that we know, would be better. There are too many people that could see us at the local shopping centre. Even though he’s planning where to meet me, he says “I think it’s a baddddddd idea.” However he is planning it & thinking about it. He tells me that we’ll meet at hungry jacks (Burger king for out of towners) at 11:00 am. I laugh my head off, of all the places close to this work, cafes & everything, he picks fucking hungry jacks! I ask why & he says that it was the unsexiest place he could think of. He says that he has to go now, but asks when I’m back from Qld, which I am there a week so he says he had an idea for Sunday but that won’t work, being I’ll be away. He says that this is a bad idea- yet again, yet he fucking is planning when he can see me!  He says the idea was a badddd idea for Sunday, I suggest he calls in sick & he says don’t tempt me. I say lets just settle on a lunch for now & we say good bye. I can’t bring myself to write love you so I send the heart with 3 kisses. He does the same back & he’s gone.

FUCK! I want to meet him, I want to see him… But fuck he’s right, this is a bad idea… This is not wise but I can’t resist. I never could resist him & the fact that I know he’s thinking of different ways to see me, just spurs me on, making me want it more too. I can’t believe that I am going to see him face to face tomorrow – after a year. I am so excited, nervous & apprehensive about seeing him, but I know as stupid as it is, but I need to do it!

#IBD4U

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