So Silverlining & I have met after a year of not speaking. We’ve said I love you to each other’s faces. We saw the look in our giveaway eyes. We’ve gotten a few answers. We said the things we needed to say. We’ve felt the ridiculous chemistry that crackles between us. We got a kiss on the lips & a hug. That’s enough right? We’ve scratched the itch, we don’t need to keep going now, we can say goodbye & be happy that we’re both happy?! But are we both happy? (Record for how many times I said happy in one sentence?! Hahaha)
I am driving home – literally so turned on from the electricity between us, but I refuse to message him, he will probably refuse to message me too. I don’t have to wait long before he messages me “Hey stranger” I smirk like a fucking idiot when I see it pop up – I stupidly have the app open as I don’t get notifications on this app. I write back that I am so fucking turned on just by sitting opposite him & I say that I’m stupid, that I wish I touched him more. He says “Phew I thought I was the only one.” Which I’m not sure if he’s referring to being turned on or wanting to touch me. He says that if there wasn’t a dude sitting opposite us the whole time he was going to finger me. OMG that would have been fun…
I say that I’m glad I told him that I loved him, it was hard to say but I really do love him & he reminds me that he had to force it out of me & that he was thinking about fingering me, which made him hard the whole time we were together. I knew he would have a twitching cock, but I didn’t think he’d be hard the whole time!
I say that I tried to stop looking at him because I could the see I want to fuck you look & suggest that next time we sit in the car… OMG – there is going to be a next time?! He says “Boundaries #IBD4U. Gotta keep those boundaries.” But then he agrees that we need to have lunch in the car. Hahaha.
I tell him though that I can control myself, I did want to fuck him but if we met again I could control myself “If I whispered in your ear I wanted to fuck my dirty little slut … You could control yourself? While my fingers circle inside you lil went cunt that always gets dripping for me. I doubt it” Fuck he knows what to say to get me going. I tell him that if he’s doing that to me then that is him not controlling himself, then I send him a picture of me using my vibrator. My god I am so turned on right now, I cum really quickly & he sends me seven messages in a row “#IBD4U. OMG. Fuckik. That is sooo hot. Fuck I want to fuck you. Boundaries ! Lucky I wore baggy pants today.” I tell him that the picture was an accident & he knows I am lying so he laughs. I tell him that we are not having sex & he needs to control himself. Then he says “Why did I find it hotter that I saw you in that cute little dress to and wanted my fingers to touch that cute little wet cunt.” He didn’t say too much about how I looked & he says that he says I looked good several times & that I don’t need to lose more weight. Then when he says “My eye should have told you too !” & I know they did, our eyes when they meet are a dead giveaway. He then asks how much perfume I am wearing today, I mean he makes me feel like I stink but he says he can still smell me & so he’s coating himself in lynx. He says that he thinks that meeting up made things worse because I’m suppose to hate him & not want to fuck him, he asks what I see in him but then he goes for ages & I don’t hear from him, assuming he’s home & deleted the app.
His message when he returns a little later that night “FFS. My sister and her bf were at my parents. I said you were my union rep reviewing my package …” FUCK so they asked who I was”?! “My sister goes in front of my whole family. Apparently you were cheating on k… Keto in hungry jacks. I was like yeah, keto. Then mum asked who I was with. Fuck I’m a good liar.” Interesting, he is not a good liar with me, I can tell by his eyes when he lies to me & his tone… I don’t know how they don’t pick up on it?!
He actually has a moment of weakness & asks my opinion of if he should stay at his job or take the redundancy. “What do you think I should do? And keep in mind I don’t ask for advice or help Often !” I know he doesn’t ask for help & so I tell him that he should take the package & find his passion, I mean I’ve said it to him before but he hasn’t asked me quite like this before… “I’ll be honest with you. I’m sacred shitless.” Fuck I never expect him to be vulnerable with me, even if it is about his work. When he says that he has to go, that he’ll chat later, I say “Love you… xxx” he says “Chat later sexy bitch xx. Probably tomorrow lol. Argh. Love you too x”
I go out that afternoon for some wines with a friend, I refuse to tell her what I was up too today. I haven’t really shared what with a lot of friends that I am chatting to him again, I haven’t told anyone but my sister that I was planning on meeting him again & that I actually went through with it. Everyone would tell me not too, they would have the eye roll moments & tell me off for doing it. No one gets it. I don’t even think a lot of you understand why I had to do it. I needed to see if the chemistry was still there, if there was a reason why I was still torturing myself every day thinking of him. I was hoping to see him & it change how I felt about him. I go to bed at 8:30 pm but wake up at all 11:30 pm & can’t sleep thinking about him. I message him late at night to tell him that he’s not the only loser awake at weird times thinking about us. He says that he doesn’t mean to be a burden of a drug. He is my Edward from Twilight. He asks what I was doing up at 5:00 am & asks if I was flicking the bean. I laugh & tell him that I did have some sexy thoughts about him & made myself cum. He asks what were the thoughts “Well, I thought about if you were next to me. How I’d wake you up for sex… then imagined my legs on your shoulders… Your hand roughly grabbing both my wrists above my head, other hand on my throat tightly… Sliding your cock slowly in my very open cunt… Then pounding my super wet pussy hard till I squirted…” He says “Fuck you #IBD4U.” & then I get a hard dick pic from him! We both say how much we miss when I would squirt just from his cock & he says that he’s going to have to jerk off over me today. I say “Are you allowed to masturbate, better get permission” I mean who has masturbate anyway?! Hahaha. We talk about our sex life before, him fucking my tits & cumming on them, how I would wear his cum all day when he did cum on me somewhere, usually my tits & how well I sucked his cock.
I ask him that when he used to wake up at 5:00 am, what the used to think about, was it just sex or something else. “I lamely want to hear from you and speak to you again … Get a message from you …Then think about stuff” I ask so many times but he won’t tell me what stuff… I can only assume about us being together & what our life would be like if he was brave enough to take a chance on me. I ask him if his family know the extent of the affair with me, like how close he was to leaving her & that he was in love with me, I wasn’t just a one night stand & he says that he avoids it at all costs with them, doesn’t tell them anything but says his family love his partner & they even offered for her to stay with them during the break up… OMG. He says he stayed at his parents house the night his stuff spent at my house, I had asked him to stay he but he said he had him mum in his ear, his partner (he uses her name which is rare) in his ear “Don’t ever think it was your fault. Cos it never was. And it hurt me so much thinking you always thought it was your own fault. Killed me hearing that as a stranger. And I’ve always told you can do so much better than me.” I hate when people say that, because if I could do better, then I wouldn’t be single? I tell him that it hurts that he listened to them over me, I was begging him to come stay with me & he listened to them & stayed at his parents house. He says that he will always believe what I tell him over his mum & partner, but that bullshit. He says he has issues of his own, which I know about & that his kids had more impact than he thought. I mean his daughter was only 3 months old at the time, so I get it.
He asks me again since I didn’t answer him before, what do I see in him, he says that I’ve probably fucked 99 guys since him & got Motocross, that I should be forgetting about what I had with Silverlining. I tell him that I can list 5 things without even thinking about it – I know he won’t believe me anyway or find some way to say that this isn’t true but anyway, I list my 5
- You’re funny (regardless of what you say)
- You’re devoted to your family
- You’re passionate & driven (even if at the moment it doesn’t feel like it because of your work circumstances)
- Our chemistry & connection is unheard of … No one can deny that sparks crackle between us.
- I love you.
And since I can keep going, I do, before he can say anything
- You’re also very sexy & good looking (Again despite what you say – you’re not fatter than ever)
- How honest you are with me… Even when it hurts or upsets me.
- How you make me feel about myself . You give me confidence & make me feel like there is no one else hotter than me.
I add number 9 when he says exactly what I think he’ll say, about being unemployed & not funny or sexy gruff, gruff, gruff.
- How well I know you & what you’re thinking.