Noodle #55

I obviously don’t talk to Noodle again. I sent him that email but get no reply – I don’t even know if he read it. I worded it carefully in case she reads it – in case she knows about that cheating email address too. But maybe he’s not checking the email again, but I am not going to poke the bear & text message him – as much as I want a reply. I just have to be done with this.

One morning, maybe a week or two after the infamous pill overdose, I’m walking to car & see something in my letterbox, it’s not junk mail & I don’t think it’s a package that’s been delivered. It wasn’t there when I got home last night & so what the fuck is it. As I get close to the letter box, I realise that it’s a stuffed toy wrapped in rope. FUCK! Is this a message from her? She now knows my nickname on the chat app, bought a toy that is the same & now tied rope around it as a message to me? FUCK… I am shaking like a leaf… My tummy is churning & every photo I take of it is blurry. I finally get a good picture & find Noodle’s phone number which I had deleted & send it to him “She won’t do anything? Found this in my letter box this morning!” I don’t expect a reply but it comes straight away “That’s not her im assuming that’s Max.” Hmmm, never thought of him, I guess it could be, but surely Max would know what bad fucking timing it is to do something like that without a fucking message. I look at the tag attached to the toy & see Max on the card. FUCK… I hate that I sent that message to Noodle. What an overreaction! Max messages me sorry for giving it to me, but I say it was ok just bad timing & a weird way of doing it – why didn’t he give it to me rather than leaving it my letterbox? But Max doesn’t ever write back to me again, what a fucking shock!

I try to stay away from everything, I even think about leaving the chat app, but Shark & a few others tell me not too – not to slink away & let Noodle & his partner have free reign of my turf, so I create a new account, because she now has my account & also knows what I look like! FUCK. There were only a few things I asked of Noodle in the whole year & a half this has been going on, & that is to protect my identity & where I live – at all costs. So far now she knows what I look like, what job I do which isn’t a very common job & where I live, but of course she won’t do anything, she promised Noodle… Can you feel my eye rolling then?

A few days later, I get a notification that Noodle views my profile on an adult dating site, then less than a minute later, his joint account with her views my account. I’m assuming he’s blocking me? Or what the fuck is he doing? Fuck he’s a wanker. The next day I get a message on the chat app from him “Why is gods name are you on AMM. LOL. You do realise my partner wants to kill you right?” OMG is he the online dating app police? “You do realise I am not scared of her! You’re also the one who looked at my profile from both your profiles. If I wanted to cause shit I’d message her on the chat app. But I love & respect you enough not to cause drama.” If only I had the same respect from him! Fuck he’s done so much shit to me & now I can’t believe that I can’t even be on a fucking website without him snapping my head off! Fucking idiot. I am so angry. He never reads the response. But I don’t even care, I delete him before I can even see if he does. & create my new account, leaving all this shit behind me… Please!

With this open thing Noodle & his partner have going on, even yes after they have a drug overdose incident, they are still trying to be open… I really pity any woman that gets involved with Noodle, even for a hook up! I know that his partner is never going to be ok with any woman he is with, even if she says she is.

I am devastated here & not eating or sleeping, actually still in love with this man who is now using the anonymous app almost daily “Any ladies want to chat? Male 30’s 6’1” or “Any sexy lady want to chat?” or “Hard & rough is the only way to give it.” Or “Would love to give it hard to a sexy woman.” I am really hurt… I only know it’s him because his suburb comes up & there are no other people using the app in that suburb with the same chat rating. Fuck this really hurts me. But I can’t not look at the fucking app! I consider chatting to him & fucking with him, I mean he’s already accused me of fucking with him & his partner, so why not actually do it? I tell a few people how much this hurts me including Shark & Sweetie, two people who have really been there for me over this break up & though everything too. Shark tells me to post some thing on the anonymous app because Noodle always knows it’s me, so I do. Posting about how I’m going to be playing tonight with someone hot or something… I don’t know what I actually said, I wish I didn’t do it though to be honest because it was childish tit for tat & that’s not my style.

As the universe would have it, I have obviously spilled the beans to Crows about everything with Noodle, so he knows everything. What are the odds that Crows starts chatting to a chick on the adult website & it happens to Noodle’s partner. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. Crows sends me screen shots of their chat, I’m not sure I’m ok with this, but I guess Crow’s thinks I have a right to know what she’s saying & he wants me to confirm if it’s her. She tells him about the affair & that “It was most Tuesday nights for 3 months. Just Bjs. Kissing.” First of all she knows that it was more than that? Doesn’t she? I did say in my message to her when she was pretending to be Noodle, that the last year with him was amazing for me. Noodle says she knows everything? She tells Crows that she’s fucked other guys & feels guilty about it & has given Noodle a free pass to fuck someone but she won’t pick the girl. I tell a few people again how upset this makes me, is she lying to Crow’s to save face or does she not know the truth? It fucking hurts to know she’s talking to people about me – as if I were nothing. I mean if she’s talking to Crows so candidly, surely she’s talking to others…

Crows also tells me that Noodle’s partner also told him at one point that she only wanted a 3sum with me so she could beat me up! I mean how would that even go down, would Noodle even allow that if she started to try to hit me? Would Noodle even stay with someone after she tried to beat me up in front of him? I mean I was never going to have a 3sum with them anyway, but I wonder what would’ve happened if I did go through with it? Would he stop it? Would she be getting the mental helps she needs? Because right now it seems like she isn’t… I guess, I would’ve 100% pressed charges against her & still would if she does anything to me or my house. Would that make him hate me? That I’d be the reason she has a criminal record? Well I mean it would be her own fault of course, but would he hate me for pressing charges? Would he stay with her? Would he be able to be with me being that she might go to jail because of me? Urgh, I hate the what ifs. I mean I wish when she was writing me messages from his account pretending to be him, that I said other things. But again, it’s not my style.

So, I don’t know if I told you but when Noodle & I ended, I put a counter app on my phone to track how many days I hadn’t talked to Noodle. The break up book that my friend gave me suggested that you must go at least 90 days without talking to them. I made it 84 days but this time I am not even counting. Noodle can get fucked. I am seeing other people, it is a couple of months though until I hear from him again… I have been away for work & am at the airport, when I for some reason look at my old chat app account – which I never deleted but I don’t look at often. There are messages from this morning when I was on the plane from Noodle! – what are the fucking odds… My life OMG, it’s just stupid sometimes… I click on the messages – he can’t see that I have read them. “So have you had an STI check recently” OH HOLY FUCK! 30 minutes later, there are a bunch of more messages from him, which I get all at the same time “Thanks to Sweetie for telling my partner we had a 3sum. Heads up my partner wants to kill you again. & she has HPV which she would be blaming you for. Sweetie told her 2 days ago. I can see you’ve moved on so wtf. Call the cops if she confronts you. She can be unstable. Not sure I can stop her this time.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK… OMG. She has HPV? What has Sweetie said? OMG. What is happening?!

I message Sweetie to find out what is going on. She sends me some screenshots of some messages she’s sent to Noodle’s partner!! “Hi. I thought you should know the truth about your cheating partner. Him & #IBD4U were seeing each other for over a year. They had sex frequently over the year they were seeing each other. They even had sex in a car wash! They went & had lunch dates. Noodle had never had a 3sum with 2 girls so #IBD4U thought she would make it happen. One afternoon I went over to #IBD4U house where Noodle was & we both fucked him in a 3sum. Noodle stopped wearing a condom fairly early on in their relationship. Noodle had genuine feelings for her. The day we had a 3sum I could see the chemistry between them. It was not just a casual fling. They had a connection. After the 3sum over the chat app Noodle told me he had feelings for her. This was very close to the birth of the baby. While you were in hospital just after you have the baby, Noodle invited #IBD4U to your house & they had sex at your house. This was definitely not a casual thing hey?” Oh Sweet baby cheeses! OMG. OMG. OMG. I don’t even know what to do. I see his partners reply “Thanks. To be honest I don’t care. Our relationship is so strong now. We have amazing sex all the time & we r so happy planning our wedding” Fuck. I know that is a stab for me… As if he’s going to marry her now? After 12 years… FUCK.

Sweetie sends me a few more screenshots & Noodle’s partner & her get a little heated. So much so that Noodle’s partner gives Sweetie my fucking address as a ‘warning’ to me & that she’ll be around soon… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK… She tells sweetie “We have been through too much in 12 years to give it up over a stupid skank who lives alone with her cat. If she dies it will eat her face off, sad & alone till u find her body” Oh good god… Is she kidding me?! Hahaha. Why has he told her I have a cat?! Noodle’s partner keeps calling me by the fake name that Sweetie says, that’s not her name. She talks about egging my house & that she wants my chat app account to talk to me. OMG, this has gotten out of hand! She tells Sweetie “By the way I find that there is a flaw in ur story. Noodle was with me all the time once I had baby” Errr, no he wasn’t!

OMG OMG OMG OMG…. What makes it worse is when Sweetie shows me screenshots between her & Noodle, where he thinks I am behind this latest drama… OH FUCK. I don’t want him to think I am behind this, no wonder his message about the STI is so snappy. Though he does say that he can see I’ve moved on, obviously because of my posts on the anonymous app. Maybe he does realise that I had nothing to do with this?

I go to my friends house, who was been going through some pretty tough shit herself, that in the 10 years we’ve known each other, we’ve never cried in front of each other until this time in our lives. She says that I put it out in the universe that I wanted Noodle’s partner to know the truth, that I basically brought this on myself. I mean I know I wanted her to know, but it’s been months & yeah I did put it out there a lot that I wanted her to know the truth, I just didn’t think this would happen!

Okay, I call my Doctor & get an emergency appointment, he squeezes me in to get an STI test. I am also supposed to see Crows tonight, so I message him & tell him the story & say probably best we don’t fuck till we’ve both been tested. Crows agrees & makes an appointment himself. As if this guy is going to stick around after this… I’m surprised he’s still talking to me at the moment anyway! This is the first time I’ve had a real STI scare… I have been tested a lot over the years, of course, always cautious using condoms etc. but this is the first time I have had someone say that they may have given me something. I tell Sweetie for her & Max to get tested too but she just recently had a test when she had a hysterectomy. She is clean & so is Max… Maybe I don’t have anything. I mean I was vaccinated against HPV before I was 25 when the vaccine first came out. Please god, don’t let me have a fucking STI at age 37.

I decide not to reply to Noodle until I have my test results. I refuse to write to him until I know that I am 100% sure I didn’t give them anything. Crows went to the Doctor before me, that he’ll get his results before me & at least that should tell me something. Crows & I have always used condoms though. FUCK. Crows also tells me that he’s spoken with Noodle’s partner post this confession from Sweetie & that Noodle & her have deleted their chat app accounts. That they are not going to swing or be open, they are closing their relationship completely. I check the chat app & both their accounts are deleted. I breathe a sigh of relief that this is over for me. Please let this be over for me!

Now the worst part about taking an STI test is waiting for the bloody results!

#IBD4U