After Anzac day, Noddy & I chat daily as usual, I ask him what he is doing on the Saturday night because I know he’s home working on songs to go to the studio on Sunday, so I think rather than making him come all the way to my house, we’re both at home, we can catch up for a couple of hours. I will invite him out for dinner or something, he says “I want to say yes but I’m broke as shit because of this week… And I don’t expect you to pay. Haha. Don’t know if you noticed that” Of course I noticed that he’s paid for everything & basically because of all the public holidays with Easter & Anzac day, he hasn’t worked much this week, which is fine, I earn quite a lot more than him so I offer to pay for dinner being that he’s paid for every date almost, I also suggest the free movie tickets that I have too. He says “I don’t want to be a dick, but probably not tonight. Don’t think anything bad, I just wanna nail these songs tomorrow & as you know I get distracted so easy. Haha” I get disappointed, like fuck, how tragic am I that I finally ask this guy out & he says no… So I say that “I’ll stop distracting you & that I hope it goes well tomorrow” thinking that he needs time to write these songs but he says he’ll keep messaging me, but I think WTF?
Anyway I try not to read much into it – even though I can’t help but think of that stupid book ‘He’s just not that into you’ – which says basically in the whole book, if a guy isn’t trying to fuck you, he’s just not into you! Later we’re chatting & he asks how my night was & I say boring as fuck, he tells me that he should’ve come up… That just pisses me off even more, but I try not to show it. Why the fuck didn’t he come over? So I try to lighten my mood, I tell him that I know that there is a group on the chat app that if you do an autocorrect fail & someone calls you out on it, then you have to play truth or dare. So when he does a spelling error I tell him & say “So… Truth or dare Spark Plug?” surprising to me, he picks truth! I totally thought he’d be the dare type of guy but then he says that he’s in the “longest room” which was meant to be lounge so I call him out on another truth or dare. We play the game all night, he gets me to do a video of me cumming (easy), I never pick truth because I’m so scared what he’ll ask me about my past, with men or anything…. I find out his most interesting/weirdest place he’s had sex which was behind the school shed & in a fire escape. I also ask him to show me his most embarrassing piece of clothing & a screenshot of his camera roll (most of the photos were to me!) – Both dares would be terrible for me, I screenshot conversations all the time & save every photo he sends me, how would I explain that!?
The next afternoon he chooses dare & I dare him to send me a video of him saying “You’re so sexy IBD4U” I instruct him not to move (in case he’s in the lounge room – hehehe), just do it where he is even if he’s with his roommates. He takes ages to do it but does send it telling me that he was driving. But in the video he’s walking. I think, well, that’s a dare fail. He says it’s not but he couldn’t do it while driving, I agree he shouldn’t do it while driving, however his video should’ve been in the car when he parked if I dared him not to move. He decides that because he fails, he loses a piece of clothing, I ask if he means forever, which he says yes. I say he has to give me his favourite jumper. He agrees that next time I see him, he’ll give it to me. He says he’ll come over after rope on Monday night. Well that’s an annoying late night for me, I don’t get home till about 10:00 pm but I figure that I want to see him, I need to make some sacrifices since we didn’t catch up over the weekend because of his lack of funds.
He dares me to show him my favourite rope picture, which isn’t a hard dare, he’s probably seen them all – so I send a few, he says things like “Fuck I love you in rope” the L word catches my breath as I read it… I know he’s said he loves having out with me etc but this is the first time I see it properly… I move on sending another picture “Fuck… it looks great though, like actually amazing hahaha not gif amazing” since we have this way of describing if something is amazing or not being that he says it all the time, I asked him once if it was gif amazing or sex amazing. He says “Fuck you are gorgeous” & the last one I send to him he says “Fucking hell… OMG woman, that is stunning. Fuck.” I dare him to send me a screenshot of his last text message, which I think he’ll probably hide some or something, but he doesn’t. He shows me a picture of his chat with Demon, of him sending her his song. I must admit, I get a little jealous… He hasn’t sent the song to me that he recorded… Did she ask or did he offer it up? & it reminds me of when Noodle didn’t tell me what they called the baby. Why is Noddy making me jealous, I’m not usually the jealous type… When I’m jealous, it means I like someone, more than like them, that I am scared of losing them… Am I starting to actually fall for this guy? A guy I didn’t even want to date?
The next day he tells everyone in the chat group that “This postie is making deliveries tonight. Hahaha” I like that he’s telling everyone that he’s coming to see me because there’s not backing out once he’s told everyone… I’m chatting at the same time, so it’s obvious that he’s talking about coming to see me. I actually feel pretty special & I think it’s cute that he wants everyone to know about “us” (for lack of a better word!) but also finally I’m not a secret for someone – it’s refreshing.
During the day, I’ve had some changes with my rigger & had ended up working things out that I would be changing riggers tonight, I guess it’s sort of like a dance partner when things change. Basically Ripples asked me if MilkyBar Kid was leaving town, I didn’t know he was leaving so I messaged & asked, he says “Not till the end of the year but why?”, I feel bad for telling him that I’ve been offered an opportunity with an advanced rigger to potentially work with & go to Melbourne with him & if he was leaving then perhaps I shouldn’t pass this opportunity. He says “Go for it” & I think what is the catch here?! MilkyBar Kid tells me that he was going to talk to me tonight about potentially finding a new rigger anyway but doesn’t elaborate, just says it’s nothing to do with me. I don’t get it but tell Ripples I will tie with him tonight.
I race home from work knowing Noddy is coming over tonight, I change my sheets, because I’ve been sleeping in our sex sheets still, I shave myself all over, clean the house & put the cans of coke I bought him in the fridge (Yeah another box, fucking loser!). I’m walking into rope, I want to talk to Milkybar Kid before it starts but can’t find him, I also want to chat to Ripples before we get started. Just so there is no weirdness being we’re swapping partners. But Noddy is messaging me with a photo of him in his favourite jumper that he has to give me tonight, but says “Haha… So I’ll have to give you the jumper next time I see you… I haven’t washed it yet haha… Was just in my toolbox & I got cold haha… Smells like mechanic” I ask him if he’s just trying to keep it longer & he says “I can’t lose my baby” I remind him that he shouldn’t have failed the dare or suggested giving up a piece of clothing (God knows what he’ll want of mine if I fail a dare! -Giving away panties has not gone well for me in the past!) I tell him to wash it now, so it’ll have time to dry before he comes over tonight then he says “Haha… Well would you rather I come over tomorrow & have dinner with you as well… That way it will be clean & ready to go… Just means no postie delivery tonight hehe…” I am walking into rope, it’s starting so I quickly write a reply “Up to you… I don’t really care about your hoodie TBH” As if he’s bailing on me as I walk into rope… Is this guy serious?! He says “I know that, but a dare is a dare. Plus I wouldn’t be able to stay tonight” Like WTF?! Why can’t he stay? Because it’s a Monday? We both have to work tomorrow. I can’t believe he’s bailing right when he knows where I am & what I’m doing… I shouldn’t reply while he’s just pissed me off but I say in a disappointed tone “Whatever, you’re the one that suggested tonight” It comes across way more bitchy that I intended, it’s supposed to be more a sigh, but he writes back straight away “Woah, I didn’t mean that to sound bad there hun… Not at all… Just knew you would be in a good mood from rope… but we would have more time together tomorrow” Well now I’m in a bad fucking mood, I hate with a passion when people bail! I have gone to effort by cleaning & shaving for the fucking guy to bail! I didn’t even want him to come over because I knew I’d be home late & rope relaxes me so I get really sleepy but I didn’t want to say no & then not see him this week.
After rope, the whole way home, I think that he will be in my driveway waiting for me, with his hoodie, knowing that he shouldn’t have bailed… Yes, I bet he’s there at my house ready to make it up to me! (Hahaha, as if, this is my life after all!) I read his message but I take ages to respond because I want to see if he’s at my house before I say something I’ll regret. I pull up to my house & he’s not there, my heart sinks, but I am not angry anymore, just fucking hurt & upset, so I just write “I’m not even sure what to say to this convo TBH… Tomorrow is ok” He writes back straight away “I’m sorry, neither do I really. We will work it out.” I roll over & go to sleep, I’m really upset, I get so fucking angry when I don’t get sex, when I thought I would, I know this, but I am also sad that I am not worth the drive for a couple of hours… Didn’t he say to me in the beginning that he’d jump in the car?