Abs is in the groups I’m in on the chat app for a while before I finally allow him to chat to me privately. I am very funny about private messaging people but that is how I got in to trouble with Noodle. I am also not convinced when a man doesn’t show his face on the app that they aren’t single.
He tells me that he’s been waiting for me to private message him & that he’s gotten a message from my friend, which I knew she would message him as she messages everyone new to the group, plus he has a hot picture up of his body & abs. I tell him that I will leave him for her as we’re in different stages of life, I am not wanting to just fuck anyone, I know my friend is just keen to have sex & this guy is probably looking for just sex. However he said that he wants me & he won’t fuck her. I tell him about myself as he asks, telling him that I’m a little kinky & love my job plus I do a lot of exercise. He says that I sound like fun! He’s a couple of years younger, says he’s single with no kids & has a huge sex drive… Ding Ding Ding!
I tell him that I’ve been going to rope classes every week & really getting into that. I send him some of my less erotic rope pics, literally me in gym gear at class & explain why I deem trust the number one thing when thinking about getting kinky with someone.
We start by sharing pictures & I start to let my guard down a bit with him – maybe he isn’t so bad, showing him my other kink & that is lingerie. I got obsessed with it when I was with Noodle, I’ve yet to find a man who’s eyes pop out their head like his did when they see me in lingerie.
I find out that he lives miles away from me, in the northern hills of Adelaide. I’m a southern chick near the beach that I realise, this probably won’t work out. However I find myself telling him my real job, not sales rep like I usually tell everyone & I suggest a drink halfway on the weekend to see if we click & then we can see where it goes. I say something about fucking on his desk but he says he has about 40 employees & suggest my desk, but I work in an open office. He asks me to turn up to the weekend drink in a trench coat. This is a fantasy I’ve wanted to do for a while, I wanted to do it with Noodle but I always thought we’d have more time, so I never bought a trench coat. That fucking time bullshit… I always thought we’d have more of it… Always.
I send Abs a lot more lingerie pictures, loving the reaction from him, it’s been a while since I get this kind of reaction. Crows didn’t really care about lingerie when I wore it & I haven’t been with anyone multiple times for them to deserve me in lingerie. This guy seems to appreciate it & even says that he used to buy Honey Birdette for his ex. I show him some of my Honey Birdette. I also shop online for a trench coat, finding a cheap one at Cotton on with free postage, I purchase it thinking that this little fantasy might not be with the guy I thought it would be with, but I will get it at least. Another way to distract myself from thinking about Noodle.
It’s later at night when I get home in my gym gear, he asks me to show him what I’m wearing, which I do & then he tells me to take it off. I am already in my underwear so I take a picture of myself. Then between me hitting send & his reply, my friend something about him to me on the chat app & how they are chatting… WTF?! He said he wasn’t going to chat to her…! I feel like a fucking fool. I write “Well I’m sorry I sent that because I feel like a fool for trusting you… & now even more foolish for sending pics” (Nothing I hate more than feeling like a fool, Noodle made me feel like a fool!) he says that he doesn’t understand but I considering just ghosting him, but I’m trying to change my karma… I don’t want to be that person, I have it done to me enough, maybe that’s why I am ghosted, because I treated someone bad in the past? You all know that these men are not all at fault, I play a part in the failures just as much as they do.
So I decide to write back “So you know… I trusted you, you said you weren’t chatting to anyone (especially my friend) & I let my guard down, PMed you, sent pics which I never do! You would have seen I said no to PMing last night… I’m very different to my friend, I need to trust inexplicably to do what I want sexually, I’m not looking for a quick one off fuck…” I am so sick of people trying to fuck everyone… Don’t they want someone they can get to know? “I didn’t ever say I wasn’t chatting to anyone… I chat to a lot of people. I don’t know what I’m after… drinks & a meal with someone, blowjobs & a movie with someone else, three ways with someone else, I’m up for anything but I’m not going to limit myself to just one option…” Ok, so I guess that answered my question. “Well I don’t care what anyone does with others, except like I said even though it was a bit of a joke, I do want to be the priority with a guy for a change & I care about my friendships with people on here.” My friendships mean more to me than a random guy… Plus I do want to be the priority for a fucking change… I never am, I don’t know what it is about me that guys don’t want to prioritise me, but they just don’t! “Ok… I didn’t mean to upset you my apologies. Just to be clear I’d love to keep chatting & meet up, but I’m going to be chatting to other people too.” I mean I can’t really be angry about that or his honesty, I mean I was chatting to other people even when I was in love with Noodle, so I can’t expect anything less from a stranger. “Yeah I don’t expect exclusivity. Lets not get carried away… However just don’t spin me bullshit about not talking to my friend then talk to her behind my back. I expect honesty because like I said, what I like to do in the bedroom requires a lof of trust & not just a one off fuck.” Hours later he writes back “Hope you’ve had a good night.” I delete him, what the fuck. I am sick of stupid games.
A month later, Abs comes back into my chat room & then PM’s me. We’d chatted in the room so he says that he thought I hated him. I never said I hated him, I mean I don’t even know the guy to be honest. I was just pissed about what happened. I tell him that I feel like an idiot, an idiot for buying a tench coat for when I met him too, He can’t believe that I did, I can’t believe that I did either. He asks me out for dinner & drinks but he’s been chatting to my friend the whole time that I don’t want a guy to come between me & our friendship, so she can have him. He says that she started the conversation & he wasn’t going to say go away. I agree, he can talk to whoever he wants, but I am also going to bow out. He tells me that he thinks I am awesome & that he wants to catch up but I am not letting a guy come between him & I.
We basically stop chatting after that, I get that I am hard work for this guy, he lives far away anyway but he’s obviously doesn’t understand what I am trying to say here about my friendship.
Looking back, now on this story, lets be fair to this guy, he didn’t tell me he wasn’t talking to my friend, all he said is that he wouldn’t fuck her…I just assumed he’d stop talking to her… That’s what I wanted. I want an exclusive friends with benefits…. WTF is an exclusive FWB if not a boyfriend?! Fuck I’m so confused at what I want…