Social suicide with a bunch of people who hate me for a reason no one will tell me isn’t a worry anymore – they hate me & won’t tell me why so what difference does it make now that Holden is single?! I have always gotten along with him, so I am enjoying the chats with Holden. Most mornings I wake up to a message from him, usually simply saying “Moaning” it always makes me smile.
We talk about his Facebook because he says that he’s changed his relationship status & that didn’t go down well for him. I send him a screenshot of it, showing that he’s got all his information including his phone number & email. He says that only friends can see, but I tell him that I have had a few people from the chat app add me on Facebook that I’ve never met, such as a chick we’ll call Fruitcup. So even though I use a different name on the chat app, people still find you!
We talk about catching up at some time, he decides that when he doesn’t have the kids that he is going to come over to my house, it was always a big joke in the groups about my bath & that there should be a bath app that people could book into have a bath with me, he & Noodle always had jokes about who would get to do it.
We’re going to catch up this Friday night, he is going to come to my house & I ask him to turn off him family ‘find my iPhone’ because if you recall that’s how Noodle was tracked. I’m not saying that Holden’s ex-wife was or is doing it to him, but if she does stalk him when he has no kids, I don’t need another woman knowing where I live, even if they are split up. I’m not sure it’s entirely what either of these to want, so I need to be careful about that.
So it’s Friday, the day I’m supposed to have Holden over to my house. I know that my period is coming on Saturday, however as I am walking around work dressed in a really cute outfit ready for tonight, as I’m not sure how much time I’ll have after work to get ready. I realise that I’m having a lot of cramps, which is usual the day before, so when I head to the bathroom, I realise that fucking mother nature has given me my period a day before which is really painful, so even if Holden was ok with period sex, I can’t fuck on the first day anymore, especially since having my tubes tied.
I message him straight away with the apology vomit profusely saying I’m really sorry, but explain that mother nature is not been good to me, but that I really want to catch up anyway even if we can’t have sex. He says that it’s ok because he’s been freaking out a little bit about actually catching up with me. So we decide that we are going to meet for a drink, I suggest a place near the city with easy parking, somewhere that no one will know us if they saw us.
We hug hello & he buys a couple of drinks, the conversation is easy but I do feel like I dominate the conversation, I mean I have always felt that with this couple anyway, I do feel that most of the time with everyone, I mean it’s why I have a blog, I have so much shit to tell everyone, that I have to write it down to get it all out!
It’s actually a really good date, the time goes so fast, & I actually have a really good time with him. I guess, you know we’ve been friends for two and a half years something before we actually met for this date/drink thing. So you know, it was easy. We talk about all sorts of topics, we chat about his relationship, my relationship with Noodle, we talk about people on the chat app & we just talk general shit. A few drinks in & it’s getting late, we both have to drive, but I hope that meeting me on his own has eased his nerves. I remember that Noodle was scared to meet me, so apparently I can be intimidating! We peck on the lips goodbye with a hug & we go our separate ways.
By the time I get home he’s text me to tell me that he got home safe & that he hopes I did too & that basically he doesn’t care about mother nature, so we should catch up tomorrow night. I think well day two is usually ok, so maybe we should. I tell him that I have a 30th to go to, that I really don’t want to go to, but that we can catch up after. I figure I’ll be out & looking cute in Port Adelaide so I can just pop to his side of town afterwards.
I message when I’m about to leave the party thinking that he will invite me over but he says that he’s out with his family, so I just go home a little disappointed. I mean he was the one that suggested it. Why suggest it if you don’t want to do it? I mean I get that perhaps his family knew he was going to be all alone this weekend, so they took him out to cheer him up?! I don’t know…
He tells me that his now ex wife didn’t want him to tell me that he’d split with her & I had pretended I didn’t know at Switch, I mean I didn’t want to have to explain I literally found out on my way in. Plus they had been to Switch before together with a group of us & they hated it. I mean I caught her in a lie that night too, so I just didn’t bother telling her I knew they’d split. She had at one point talked to Noddy & told me a different story to what he said, so I’ll never know the whole story, I guess. I just hate that I am always painted the bad guy with everyone in the Rope & Switch crew. I tell him I don’t need more drama in my life but then say “Yet, I’m chatting to you, quite contradictory!” Yeah why am I talking to this timebomb?! Although, fuck it, he’s single & I get along with him – she’s clearly not interested in being friends with me, so I don’t have to worry about the friendship anymore… I’m not doing anything wrong.
The next morning, I don’t wake up to a moaning message, so I send a picture of me actually in the shower (Remember the stick figure picture?) & he says “Fuck your drawing improved overnight” with some heart eye emojis & I actually laugh out loud. He asks for a picture of my ass, so I send some & I tell him that I am standing like a man so he asks me to send him more pictures so I can try out some different poses.
I tell him that I think this is just a ploy to see more pictures of me & he says the he wouldn’t ever do that. I find the magic 8 ball pic from the Kangaroo Island weekend on my phone & send it to him “It is certain” & he says “Fkn traitor 8 ball” I send him a naked pic & says “Whoops that supposed to be a gym ass” but he says that’s better. This is also when things are really not good at work, I drove all the way to Pt Augusta, stayed the night & the meeting was cancelled, so I don’t even know how to call my boss & it’s the beginning of a shit few months, I mean it’s been shit already but it gets worse, so I am thankful for the chats with Holden because it’s keeping me a bit sane. But makes me miss Noodle.
He asks me later if I’m home yet, I say that I am & ask what he is up too, he says he’s working from home again. I say “Your dick in your hand & porn is not considered work…” I tell him that my pre workout is making me feel like a meth addict & he asks if it makes me horny, I’m like do I really need pre workout to be horny? No, I don’t think so! Hahaha.
The next day, I don’t get a message again, so I figure I need to message him, show him that I am interested too… I mean I always make them make the effort so I message & ask how his day is & if he’s masturbating at home. Then I send “Damn auto correct. I mean working from home” He just say that he’s son is home from school sick. I say that sucks & he says that he can’t watch porn. I sort of get a no chat vibe so I just leave it with that – we had sort of planned on me seeing him tonight, I was going to rock up in the trench coat, the fantasy I still haven’t done & was supposed to do with Abs but because he hasn’t said anything & didn’t message this morning, I just assume he doesn’t want to catch up. But later that night he asks how my days been, I say it’s pretty good & we chat for a bit, I tell him about the Port Lincoln flight I have to do tomorrow. I say that I assume it’s not happening tonight & I should just get in the bath. He says “Ohhh I didn’t wanna mention it cause it’s so far for ya & sounds like ya have a huge week. I should really be the one coming to yours. I need a bath” I tell him that I wouldn’t have suggested Wednesday if I didn’t want to, he says I can come now but I’m like it’s 8:00 pm now but the time I got there it would be 9:00pm but just assumed he was being a dude with excuses, you know the type, oh my sons sick, blah blah blah. He says “Oh hell no sorry didn’t mean to be silent I thought you were cause you were busy as” I decide to be cheeky & not upset about the fact I didn’t get sex when I thought all week about it & just tell him that I’ll just get into bed, naked, horny & use my toys. He says that it’s unfair but I tell him that he has no one to blame but himself, I even had my outfit out, I had actually laid out the lingerie, the knee high boots & the trench coat, deciding what to wear, I even had the stupid magnet in the jacket pocket… Remember the Easter egg incident with Noddy?! Well this is just a repeat, I do stuff like this then feel like an idiot! Noodle was the only one that was ever thoughtful like that, remember him leaving cheezels at my front door?! I wonder if he felt like a dickhead doing that?
Holden will get all the kids back this weekend so there is no sneaking me in with 5 kids there. He then doesn’t reply to me for ages & when he comes back he says that he had his parents, brother & sister all drop in, I don’t get the message as I’m asleep & I reply at 5:30am saying well that’s good then. I fly to Port Lincoln & later tell him that this is a fucked day that again no one has come to my meetings & so I have to ring my boss & tell him for the second time this week that my travel plans were a waste of time. I tell Holden & he says “Ohhh Shit” I get the feeling he isn’t interested in talking so I don’t reply & wait for him to write to me. He never does, I never hear from him again. Not really sure what went on with him to be honest. I assume he got back together with his wife. I delete him off Facebook after a while too, not wanting to know any more. I mean like I said it was probably for the best with the groups that we’re in.
Interestingly a few months or so later, I’m chatting to Fruitcup & she mentions how she was also going to meet Holden! OH REALLY?! They were chatting at the same time as me & he was super keen, they were sending pictures, she said she never met up with him because he stopped messaging her as well…
The thing that fucks me off about this, is that I was actually friends with this guy & his wife… I now don’t even speak to him, or his wife. I miss that. I kind of hate that I am losing friends & have people not liking me without me even knowing why or what I did…