Farmer

Earlier in 2023, when I am online dating for the last time… I almost don’t swipe on this guy, he’s doing a kiss face with sheep in his profile picture & he’s only got two photos basically the same wearing sunnies. I’m not sure about him but we message, his grammar & spelling are impeccable for a farmer, usually there are lots of misspelt words for guys & country guys are usually the worst… But this guy isn’t… It kinda turns me on a little. Hahaha.

He sends me photos of his house he just finished building & I don’t believe it’s his house… It’s fucking amazing, in a country town about 45 -60 minutes away from my house. I google image search & some of the pictures come up on a Melbourne window website – so either they were the window builder or he’s bullshitting… Does anyone remember the bullshit Motocross told me?! I can’t tell if this is bullshit or not yet…

We chat online but there isn’t a lot of banter, he asks for my snapchat, so I give it to him… We chat easily but there isn’t the funny banter or little smiles from the messages like I’ve had with other men before. Anyway he asks when I’m free, I tell him Saturday night but he says that he’s going up the river to help his neighbour & don’t offer another date.

We continue to talk all day & he sends me a snap of the sheep at about 5:30pm or so & I think, he’s a fucking lair & not a very good one because he’s clearly not up the river! He tells me that he didn’t want to stuff me around but he thought he might be home earlier but he didn’t know what time he’d be back so he didn’t want to make plans. I mean if he really wanted to meet, he could’ve asked when he got home if I was free… Men just don’t think…

He asks if I am free Monday as he is coming to town & will be on the same road as where I work, so I figure I never take proper lunch breaks, so I say yes, that we can meet at 12:00 pm. at 11:50 am, he asks if we’re still good to meet, so I get pack up & ready to meet assuming he’s already at the café. As I get in the car, he says that he’s still driving, by the time I get there he won’t be far behind if he’s on that road. But I like to be the one who walks in, not the one sitting waiting.

I am sitting there waiting like a dick, thinking he is standing me up. He is 20 minutes late at this point. If he was on the road that he said he was on, there is no way it took 20 minutes even with trying to find a park… He walks in & just sits down saying hello etc and I realise that this guy actually looks like an older version of Motocross… Fuck.

He pays for lunch for me & sits down, where we chat easily. It’s not witty banter, it’s not awkward, its just comfortable. He ordered the same as me, so we eat quickly as now I don’t have that long left. My old neighbours walk in & they stand & chat to me for a bit, which is a bit weird when you’re on a first date. We leave the café & I say goodbye to my neighbours, he’s standing at my car when I get out there, this is when it’s awkward as it’s board daylight on a Monday on a busy road. We say an awkward goodbye without touching & go our separate ways.

We talk so consistently over the next week & he asks when I am free for dinner, so I say Friday or Saturday night. On Thursday with no plans made, I notice he’s deleted his dating account & when he usually messages a “lol” he’ll follow up a few hours later asking what I’m doing or something. When he doesn’t I decide to ask when we are catching up so I can plan my weekend. He says “Probably Saturday” I am like either yes or no? not probably. He says Saturday & I ask where, he says he’ll have a think about it. So I give him an out, if he doesn’t want to meet again this weekend, fine, but my overthinking brain just thinks he’s either waiting for a better offer from another chick or he’s married/in a relationship.

Surprisingly he takes me out, says he’s wants to catch up but feels like he’s coming down with something… Rightio. We barely chat on the Friday, I can’t even be bothered, I don’t want a texting relationship with someone, he tries to be cheeky over the week, but I shut that chatter down too, again not what I want. Not what I deserve!

So we don’t catch up either day over the weekend, ironically again he is messaging me & tells me he feels ok. I tell him that I don’t want just texting & he says “Good!! Neither do I!!!!! I want someone to have a normal BF GF relationship, do things together create memories, also lots of kissing, lots of skin on skin etc etc etc……….” I mean I agree mate, but we have to fucking meet to get there! He says that we did meet once & to give him a break, I say ok & he tells me that I am hard work… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Hard work? Forgive me for wanting to see you again.

Farmer tries to catch up with me, but not really – like he doesn’t ask me specifically out & he doesn’t imply he wants to see me, he just dances around the subject & I don’t really care at this point, because I am sure he’s married… Even a guy I work with that I talk about my dating life with because he meets crazy women instantly says that Farmer is married…

Low & behold, he replies to every story, much like Eastwood did until Farmer deletes me. WHAT THE FUCK? He deletes me?! That’s just gold… Ok dude. See ya! Another one bites the dust… I had deleted my online dating profile long before he deleted me from snapchat, but seriously… I genuinely never get what happens with these men to make them delete me. I ask a guy friend at work & he says before I even finish the story that he thinks he’s married also…

Well fuck, I sure can pick em!

#IBD4U