I love that time, very early on when you meet someone & they use the terms ‘we’ & ‘us’ or maybe even ‘together’ & even though you are now ADHD medicated, it doesn’t stop your brain from over thinking, so you start planning… Planning your future. Planning your meet cute. Planning your life… Your life with him.
You meet on fucking stupid snapchat & their first photo is super cute, but he’s wearing sunglasses so you can’t tell if he is actually cute or a beat under the glasses… But you chat anyway, he’s 35 from Melbourne but travels for work & is coming to Adelaide in January (It’s currently early November) but the next picture he sends, you get has serial killer vibes.. But you keep chatting as he seems mostly normal.
You chat about how inappropriate dick pics are particularly when they come at you without even so much as a hello when you add them. You chat about work & life but nothing too deep, right. You confirm single status, no kids & just a dog. Same same. He doesn’t lose his shit when you save his pictures to your chat or change the chat history to delete immediately – usually a sign of being married.
He asks if he can see you in January when he’s working in Adelaide & the cynical side of you knows that he won’t be talking to you by then, so you explain – without actually telling the random stranger about your weird rule of not messaging first – that he’ll need to put in the effort but your optimistic side, says yes you are open to it. He says that he’s looking forward to visiting in January now. You ask if he can be interested for that long & he says sure, why not, you say ok & he doesn’t reply till 11:15am the next morning with a “How is your day gorgeous lady.”
When he questions how he made the cut when you tell him that you delete people very quickly from snapchat, you explain that he didn’t send a dick pic, he was over 30 but under 50, he didn’t say he loves older women, he didn’t say you’re too far and didn’t say you look good for 42. He says you won’t get dick pics unless asked & he says he’s not that much younger than you so he puts your mind at ease.
He replies to all your stories, telling you how cute you are or how amazing your dogs are. He sends picture after picture of his ‘movember’ moustache & one where he has a very cute smile that you tell him he’s cute… He’s putting in effort, so maybe this guy is different, I mean it only takes one guy to be different than all the rest, right? & so you find yourself actually starting to put in some effort too.
Now of course it’s only about day 2, maybe 3 of chatting semi regularly with this guy, but because you add 50+ randoms a day, you decide to pin his conversation to the top. He sits there proudly, at the top of your list so you can see when he’s opened it & see when he’s replying without getting lost in the pool of douches…
This is the time where butterflies fly around your tummy when he messages you – well maybe not quite butterflies, but you like seeing his name pop up that he’s typing & that he’s sent a chat… It’s exciting & makes you start thinking perhaps he could move to Adelaide since he’ll be here for work then & perhaps could be based here. Or you think that since you’re looking for a new job role that you could move to Melbourne.
Obviously men come & go so quickly from snapchat random adds so you never get a chance in your anti social world to tell anyone about this one. But one night you’re with a client, this one not really a true friend (yet) is over & you tell her that you’ve been messaging him most of the day, he’s sent a gym pic & it’s going well.
She tells you that she didn’t last long adding the randoms on snapchat after I told her I was & so you share some stories with her. You bring up J-Licious & tell her about him & that you’re keen to meet him & when you’re done with her lashes, you show her a pic & she agrees that he’s cute. You tell her you’re a bit worried since you’ve been talking about work that you’re coming across negative (this was right before they fired me!) so you make sure you lighten the work search conversation when you reply to his last message.
That night, yes that very same night. He only sends about two messages – about finding you a job at his work (as he says your eyes should get you a job with no problem & that he’d hire you in a heartbeat) & then doesn’t read your reply all evening. That’s ok, he’s been on night shift maybe he went to bed early. However in the morning for some fucked reason you wake up at 5:00am & check that he hasn’t seen your message or replied. He hasn’t looked at your story either.
But something inside you knows… Something isn’t right. A couple of hours more of insomnia & your alarm goes off, you look back at your snapchat & he hasn’t opened your message but he’s looked at your story… Hmmmm. Ok. You click on the chat with him, for what reason you don’t know. But when you click out of it, it says opened 22 minutes ago. What the actual fuck.
Ok so you don’t want to jump to conclusions here but what could have possibly changed in 12 hours to leave you on read. It’s uncharacteristic for him – even if you have only been chatting a couple of days…
You understand that he’s probably adding profile after profile, afterall he did add you as a random. But he’s suggested chatting for the next two months with the possibility of stealing a kiss – yes you heard him say that. So even if he is talking to other women, unless they went exclusive overnight, then surely he would keep dangling the carrot. Not that you want the carrot dangled. But you want to understand what happens in this scenario.
As you write him off for looking at your story & not messaging you for hours, he messages & asks how you are. You say you’re good & ask how he is, he says good & then you don’t reply because what are you going to reply, clearly this guy doesn’t want to chat to you. Later when you post a story he replies & then when you chat a bit, he says that he still wants to kiss you. You tell him that he doesn’t seem interested because he hasn’t chatted, but he says that he thinks you’re not interested. You wonder what the fuck you’re doing to make guys think that you’re not interested in them.
One night it’s his Christmas party so you don’t hear from him, which is fine, you understand he is out but think you might get some drunken messages. But you don’t. The next day though you get some hung over horny messages which include pictures, not of his dick but him pulling down his pants, you guess this is a test for you to beg for a photo, which you don’t. He sends a full dick pic after you had just reexplained that you didn’t want to send naughty pics because you don’t want to be “that girl,” knowing that once you send some pics, he’ll lose interest also – considering you still have two months before you’re going to be in the same state. You don’t really reply to those messages and he apologises for being hung over and horny.
You do recover from these weird conversations & you continue to chat & chat & chat. It’s nothing ever substantial, like in depth but you are getting to know the guy. When you get on the topic of where he lives again & it’s actually in Torquay, not Melbourne. You have had a job interview & someone who interviewed you is based in Melbourne, so he says that you could move. Of course it’s too early to even think of that, being you haven’t even met this guy in real life so you say that you aren’t moving with a “Hahaha,” but in your mind you mean that you aren’t moving for this job but that’s where things take a turn.
He doesn’t write back or initiate conversation for two days after this ‘moving’ conversation. You’ve posted stories on snapchat & he’s looked at them, but he’s not even said hello, so you don’t either assuming that he doesn’t want to talk to you & as predicted, he’s pulling away. Two days later, J-Licious has deleted you. You feel foolish for yet again, thinking that this one was different.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 