September 2025 – We just got lucky
19 September 2025 – What do you know, he does not come back online on Friday, so he never reads my rant… I think of nothing but the conversation all day. How can he just log off & not give a fuck that he talked about us in past tense & that him not logging on would piss me off more than anything – but apparently he’s trying not to piss me off? Yeah, good one mate.
He fought for me, fought for this to be what it is & now he says that he didn’t mean for it to be this? Um excuse me, then why did he say that he was glad I was officially his girlfriend & that he wishes he talked to me more over the last five years? Why did he insist on sexless dates & insist that they be long dates too? I don’t understand this at all & I am shutting back down. Closed heart. Lost petals.
20 September 2025 – Almost 48 hours since I sent my rant, he hasn’t come back online… I don’t know why I bother to message first & say that I have no clients this weekend, maybe it’s because if I see him, things will be better & I’ll at least get sex this month. Around 10:00am he comes online letting me know he is at work today & tomorrow so he could see me for a bit tomorrow & he replies to my rant, “I actually did get busier … 🫣 I don’t know what to tell you Like this week I was organising my sons stuff on Wednesday around lunch time for his concert , then he was home on Thursday as the concert went fucking late so couldn’t send either kid to school. I may not be putting in as much effort, but it was not intential until you started getting cranky … My reaction to that is to not put in as much effort…” So he admits he’s not putting in effort, why can’t he just tell me what he’s up too so I don’t wonder? “I just wish you communicated more cos I would understand if you explained that if you worked 5 days, you can’t fake a shift to see me… I didn’t think about that, I just thought about me & you choosing not to seeing me… I’m putting in effort & wanting to see you still, chat & call… But I need you to want the same…” I don’t know why he started this or what he wants, “Well nothing has changed, and I 100% appreciate the effort of wanting to see me, and unfortunately circumstances has just changed where I can’t see you as much as I did before or even want too. I don’t chat to you as much or see you as much and I admit that , but everything is cicumcational mostly … There are times when you have gotten cranky where I have just gone fuck it… why am I even trying. And yeah the more you hassle me or get shitty att me , the more I do that. I am 100% a shit friend, always am, always will be. But I was trying! And wish I could give you more time.” Nothing has changed but his circumstances have? Yeah ok fuck fish. The circumstances of his wife being skinny & giving him attention, plus LMA, is what changed, he no longer needs me to fill the void, especially if I am being ‘needy’. I never asked for more time, he gave that freely, all I asked for was communication when he wasn’t able to give me his time – it’s that simple… “It’s not about more time though, I get if your genuinely busy, but you just shut down, you don’t tell me & so I question the legitimacy of the ‘busy’ cos I’m fucking busy too!! ‘Hey IBD4U, I really want to chat to you but I have to get this shit done for my sons concert, but I’m wishing I was chatting to you like I was before…’ Or when you saw me & I was pissed, a simple ‘I miss you’ rather than ‘don’t miss me too much’ turns the narrative back to you actually caring...” I don’t know why I am bothering, he’s likely to stop messaging any minute & this is really over, there is no point trying to reason with stupidity. I can’t even see a friendship at this point. “Well I’m not very good at that narrative and will probably never will be … I have my flaws and that’s one of them. I find it hard to care or to emphasise, and it’s not just you personally, I can struggle with my own kids. Sometimes I am better than other times. But yeah in my mind, I am trying, like I say I have rang you every day all week, Monday to Thursday, gone out of my way to message you Friday morning , even snap you to keep up a streak. All to have you be cranky at me on Saturday because I didn’t message you for 12 hours, or while I was taking a shit or mowing my grass. Well fuck I was trying all week and it is hard to message you. I’ve gotta download the app, to a two factor authicationt to a dodgy email just to message. But I was fuckin trying. And you just made me feel like I wasn’t. And I hate that so I try less it is how I work. You can’t disappoint yourself or others. If you are not trying.” I get his point of view, gone gone out of his way is a bit far when I never asked him to do that! While he’s said most of this before he makes it seem like I made him download the fucking app & spin me bullshit about not wanting to take me for granted, “I’m sorry for making you feel that way… You were good at reassuring me, at the start the you stopped… Which is why I overthink… You know that about me too. Can we hit the refresh button?” He doesn’t get it… “I never had to reassure you before though. And if I didn’t it was not international. I know I didn’t take you out for your birthday, but I did try hard!” He never had to because he was seeing me 2-3 times a week, came back online at night… “I had the reassurance that you wanted this. You called me cute nicknames & stuff…”
He’s not going anywhere now he’s on a rant about my birthday, “And for you to dismiss it and say it doesn’t matter because it’s your birthday. Again Im like. Well why the fuck do I try. I loved just hanging out with you for your birthday. Even if we did just have lots of sex !” That is not what I said about my birthday at all FFS, “I didn’t say it didn’t matter, I said it didn’t count, cos you should take me out for my birthday 🤣 I loved what you did for my birthday!! We hadn’t hung out just chilling for a while, cos you wanted dates so it was nice to hang out… But it fucking mattered to me that you made an effort on my birthday day, rang me 3 times, messaged at night… Then was here with flowers & platter stuff early the next day… That was so fucking special & sweet to me…” It was a special occasion so he should make it count, I didn’t dismiss it at all, I dismissed it as a date, because he should make my birthday special, which he did… I did not say that it didn’t matter! What a fucking way to twist what I said!!!
Then he says, “It going to be a struggle to have dates and shit.” Well, the day dates weren’t really happening anyway, & any time we’ve had a date recently, it’s been me taking him lunch to work. I don’t get why though, so he says “It was meant to be a struggle at the start but some we just got lucky with our circumstances , I was working way less, less weekends, you were working from home more, ettc. I did not think we would see each other as much as we did, but I made sure to because I could.” If it was supposed to be a struggle, why did he bother starting it at all?! We didn’t get lucky, he fucking pushed for it & made it happen!! He had to know that this wasn’t going to end well, especially since this is the first I’ve ever heard of it supposed to be a struggle – He was the one at the start who said he is committed to putting in effort…. But he says that things haven’t changed? “It’s not like I am messaging other chicks on snap or fucking my wife either , I am generally busy just doing boring adult shit , working, sleeping or general adulting. I always made sure to be appreciative if you made me lunch and fucking loved that you did and always fucking felt terrible if you did it and it didnt work out.” I believe that, I don’t think he is messaging other women, even though I say in posts that I think he is. I don’t really think he is…
He talks about lunch & me bringing it to him saying it’s ‘stressful’ planning his breaks as he never knows when it is, well it was pretty consistently the same time most Saturdays & Sundays so I don’t know why he was so stressed about it & this is now the first I’m hearing if this stress. He says that he always felt bad when it didn’t happen, when frankly, the only time it didn’t happen is when he didn’t communicate that he was working. I never rocked up pissed about him not knowing what time his break was! He asks what happened to me because I used to be more laid back, I was laid back when he was actively making me feel wanted, appreciated & loved, but now he thinks he is putting in effort by not chatting to me for 12+ hours & says that he’s busy when he does that – so how can I be laid back when I feel so disrespected & I can’t mention it because he feels attacked?
“I’ve have still gone out of my way to give you a daily message, just sometimes life gets in thr way… So then I get frustrated , because I am like, well why did I even bother …” I never asked him to go out of his way, as if he even says that to me, he chose to go out of his way, I didn’t push for that or want that & anyway, he hasn’t been messaging me daily for over a month now… Taking me for granted, knowing I will just be there when he’s deemed me worthy of a message. If he started that & is now annoyed that’s what I want, then that’s his fault, not mine. “For 4 months you prioritised messaging me, then you started pulling back.” His response to me being frustrated is to just be an asshole & log off, “Yeah because i started working 5 days a week. Sometimes 6. Or get smashed with 8 hour shifts. And My wife never sleeps. And I’m fucking tired. But all you do is mock me when I tell you that. Or think I am making it up or something. Work is very different since the other store shut down.” I mean 5 days a week, at 8 hours – that’s a regular full time job mate… What I work every fucking week with an hour commute each way! I don’t mock him at all, I don’t understand why he doesn’t see a fucking Dr.
He said to me a while ago that he didn’t want to be just sex to me & that is now what he is making us to be again. I say that I almost called an ambulance to rush me to hospital the other day with this weird pain & the man who is supposed to be my boyfriend didn’t even come back online. But I feel like I can’t even tell him that because we are not even friends at this point, “You can bother me with shit like. I’d rather you bother me with stuff like than just spending 30 minutes on the phone over analysing and critiquing my behaviour.” We don’t see it the same, “Well believe it or not, I don’t critise, I am over analysing yes, & I don’t like it… You just don’t realise how it feels to message & say I have to go to ED & might be rushed into surgery & you not come back online to read it… I had minor surgery on my gum & you spent 2 days with me… I’m genuinely sorry if you feel criticised. That’s not my intention, I just want you to see my point & how it feels to just hear I’m busy but no real explanation why so I make up my own explanation…” I genuinely hate that he thinks I am criticising him, that is not my intention, that is not who I am, I am trying to understand what the fuck is happening… He asked me to tell him when things upset me, I do & I am criticising him… Neither of us are going to win here. He can’t explain why he started this & drew me back in besides reading my blog, “Nothing was ever planned that is the problem 🤣 You seem to think I have this master plan for everything. I don’t. What ever happens happens …” He has to go, which is annoying but probably for the best because I don’t want to be seen as criticising him, before he goes he invites me to see him tomorrow for lunch but he never asks what was wrong with me or if I’m ok now.
Petal… Petal… Petal…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 