Phoenix #72

September 2025 – YouTube

09 September 2025 – The next morning, I decide to send a message first, I am going to put in effort, really make a difference to make this better, I didn’t take my key, so I need to make this work, even if I did leave pissed off… I say good morning, ask what he had for breakfast, what is he up to today, did he exercise, just a bunch of questions to lighten the mood, just being a dick. He writes back not too long after I send it “Good morning.” Honestly, get fucked. This guys clearly is over this & just too gutless to tell me.

I read it & don’t reply, I go to a meeting & he then writes a bunch of messages. He sends me a YouTube video to watch that he says, “that kinda explains my behaviour and the what I do” I am at work, but I listen to it like a podcast, I’ll let you watch it before I go on, for those who don’t like watching, I have spent ages bloody getting the transcript – mainly for me to read, but I’ll post both options like I do with songs!…

The Method to Never Get Upset or Angry at Anyone

In today’s video, I’m going to show you a practical method to never get upset or hurt by anyone, no matter who it is or what happens. Imagine this. You pull into a parking lot, spot an open space, turn on your blinker, and just as you’re about to park, some genius swoops in and steals it right in front of you. How would you react? Someone cuts you off in traffic, someone mispronounces your name, and suddenly you’re auditioning for a role in Fast and Furious: Emotional Damage. And here’s the tragic part. People think that’s normal, as if being controlled by every tiny annoyance is some kind of badge of honor. It’s not strength. It’s emotional kindergarten.

Anger is like junk food for the brain. It tastes amazing in the moment, makes you feel powerful, and 5 minutes later, it leaves you bloated with regret. And the worst part, most people think their anger is someone else’s fault. He made me mad. She ruined my day. Please. Nobody has that kind of power over you unless you hand them the keys. The truth is anger is self-inflicted. And once you understand that, you can stop treating it like a disease you catch from other people and start treating it for what it really is, your own mental fast food addiction.

Here’s the deal. Today, I’ll break down the psychological method that lets you escape this trap completely. Not take a deep breath and count to 10. That’s for toddlers. I’m talking about strategies rooted in neuroscience, cognitive psychology, and just enough sarcasm to make them unforgettable. If you can train yourself to see what actually triggers anger, and why it’s always about you, not them, you’ll never again feel hijacked by someone else’s bad behavior.

Let’s rip the band-aid off right now. Nobody has ever made you angry. That phrase is pure comedy. People love to imagine they’re powerless little puppets yanked around by the strings of other people’s nonsense. But anger doesn’t start with them. It starts with you, with your thoughts, your interpretation, your judgment. The trigger is always internal. The world doesn’t control you. You control you. Unless, of course, you’ve outsourced your brain to the nearest idiot who cuts you off in traffic. Here’s the brutal truth. Your emotions are your responsibility, not your bosses, not your partners, not your neighbor who insists on mowing the lawn at 6:00 a.m. Your feelings are the result of your interpretations, not their actions. They don’t inject anger into your veins. You do it. You flip the switch. You choose to let your ego run wild. And the second you accept this, you regain control. Without this truth, you’re just a puppet dancing to someone else’s off-key music.

Think of it this way. When you get angry, you’re handing over the remote control of your mood. Here you go, stranger. Enjoy flipping through my emotional channels. They push one button, you rage. They push another, you sulk. Congratulations. You’ve turned yourself into free entertainment. Do you really want random people operating your system like that? The key word here is choice. You always have one. Trigger doesn’t equal reaction. Between the spark and the explosion, there’s a space, a gap. And inside that gap lives your power. But most people, they blow right through it. Zero pause, zero awareness, just instant combustion. That’s why they stay trapped in the cycle of anger, regret, apology, repeat.

Here’s where psychology loves to ruin your excuses. Cognitive behavioral therapy, yes, that boring scientific thing, shows us that thoughts create feelings, not events. Read that again. Thoughts create feelings, not events. You don’t feel angry because someone stole your parking spot. You feel angry because your brain screamed, “How dare they disrespect me?” Same event, different thought, different reaction. Your thinking is the factory. Change the input. Change the product. Let me play devil’s advocate for a second. What if someone actually is rude? What if they insult you, cheat you, humiliate you? Guess what? The rule still applies. They can throw words. They can throw actions, but only you decide whether to swallow that poison or spit it back out. Anger is optional. Always optional. The trigger is never them. Always you.

Now, here’s where sarcasm meets reality. If you keep insisting, “They made me angry,” then you’re basically admitting strangers own you. That’s right. Every random driver, every snarky co-worker, every family member with bad manners, they all rent space in your brain for free. Worse, they run the place like a circus. If that doesn’t bother you, maybe it should. Taking responsibility sounds heavy, but it’s the opposite. It’s freedom. The moment you say, “My emotions are mine,” you stop being a victim. You stop letting the world dictate your state of mind. You become untouchable. Imagine the power of walking into chaos and staying calm. Not because the world is peaceful, but because you are. That’s real strength.

So, let’s nail this into your memory. control, choice, trigger, power, reaction, freedom, responsibility. These are not just buzzwords. They are the psychological building blocks of emotional mastery. You either practice them or you keep living as a puppet. And let’s be honest, puppets are only entertaining when they’re on strings. Humans, not so much. The bottom line, stop blaming, start owning, stop reacting, start choosing. If you want to never get upset at anyone again, the very first step is brutal honesty. Anger doesn’t come from them. It comes from you. And once you own that truth, you hold the keys to your emotional freedom.

Here’s the part nobody wants to hear. You don’t control people. Not their words, not their tone, not their attitude. Shocking, I know. And yet, most humans behave like unpaid directors of a terrible movie. Screaming at every actor who doesn’t follow the script in their head. Say this, do that. treat me this way. News flash, they won’t. They never will. And your constant rage is the proof that your imaginary control is nothing more than an illusion. Control is seductive. It whispers, “If I plan enough, demand enough, manipulate enough, everyone will act the way I want.” And then life laughs in your face. Why? Because people are chaos with shoes. You can’t dictate their mood, their behavior, or their respect. You can only control one thing, your response. Everything else is wasted energy. Every ounce of frustration you pour into trying to rewrite someone else’s lines is energy stolen from your own peace. Think of it like this. Every time you lose your temper, you’re basically auditioning for the role of angry security guard in your own life. Guarding what? Guarding illusions. Guarding the belief that if you scream louder, slam harder, sulk longer, maybe, just maybe, reality will bend to your will. Spoiler, it won’t.

Now, let’s apply some psychology. Stoic philosophy, long before therapists started charging $200 an hour, nailed this truth. The boundary of control is razor thin. You own your choices, your perspective, your reactions. Everything else out of your hands. Epictitus put it bluntly. It’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters. Translation: Stop micromanaging the universe and start managing yourself. The irony is once you accept this, you gain actual power, not fake, loud, insecure power. Real power. The power of being unshakable. Imagine someone insults you. Before you’d explode like a faulty firecracker. Now you shrug. Why? Because you know the insult is their noise, not your truth. They’re performing. You’re not buying tickets. That’s discipline. That’s strength. Discipline doesn’t sound sexy. People want shortcuts. But emotional freedom is built like muscle through repetition, through limits, through training. Every time you resist the urge to control others, you strengthen control over yourself. Every skipped explosion is a rep at the gym of calm. You either practice or you stay weak. No hack, no cheat code, just discipline.

Here’s where sarcasm comes in. If you’re still insisting that you can change people by yelling, sulking, or posting passive aggressive quotes on Instagram, congratulations. You’re practicing witchcraft with a 0% success rate. People don’t change because you explode. They change sometimes because they choose to. Your tantrum just makes the show louder, not better. So, what’s the actual strategy? Set the boundary. This is mine. That is theirs. Their disrespect, their bad day, their nonsense, that’s theirs. Your calm, your clarity, your choice, that’s yours. The moment you cross that invisible line and try to own what’s not yours, you bleed power. The moment you stay inside your boundary, you gain freedom. Repeat these words until they sound like gospel. Control, limits, illusion, power, boundary, choice, strength, discipline, freedom, calm. This is the language of someone who refuses to be emotionally hijacked. This is the rhythm of a person who knows where their true power begins and ends. And let’s end this chapter with the punchline. If you want to never get upset at anyone again, stop pretending you’re the CEO of other people’s behavior. You’re not. You’re the CEO of yourself. And the sooner you fire yourself from trying to manage the universe, the sooner you’ll finally feel calm.

Let’s talk science because nothing kills excuses faster than hard data. Neuroscience tells us that when a strong emotion hits—anger, fear, rage, whatever—your brain floods your body with a chemical cocktail, that surge feels overwhelming, unstoppable, like you’re possessed by a demon named Impulse. But here’s the plot twist. The entire chemical storm lasts only about 90 seconds. 90. After that, it’s not biology keeping you angry. It’s you. That means every screaming match, every slammed door, every dramatic meltdown could have been avoided with a simple pause. 90 seconds of not reacting. 90 seconds of not feeding the beast. But most people don’t pause. They sprint straight into chaos. They confuse a temporary brain surge with permanent truth. It’s like mistaking a sparkler for a nuclear bomb. The spark burns fast. The question is, do you let it burn your house down?

Picture this. Someone insults you. The chemical surge ignites. Your face heats up. Your chest tightens. Your brain screams. React now. That’s the trap. The first 90 seconds are the battlefield. You either grab control or surrender it. You either breathe, pause, and reset, or you let impulse drive your car straight off the cliff.

Here’s where sarcasm becomes medicine. People love to say, “I just couldn’t help it.” Really? You couldn’t survive 90 seconds without opening your mouth? You can hold your bladder longer than that. You can wait 3 minutes for microwave popcorn, but 90 seconds of silence? Oh, no. That’s impossible. Please. The truth is, you can help it. You just don’t.

So, let’s practice. Next time the spark hits, do nothing. Not forever. Just 90 seconds. Breathe. Walk. Count bricks on the wall. Chew gum aggressively. I don’t care. Do anything except explode. Give your brain time to reset because once the chemical wave passes, clarity shows up and clarity is lethal to anger. Think of it as emotional CPR. Step one, don’t die in the first 90 seconds. Step two, let your brain reboot. Step three, respond with choice instead of reaction. That’s not weakness, that’s power. The loudest person in the room is rarely the strongest. The calm one, the one who waited, that’s the actual heavyweight.

And here’s the kicker. The pause doesn’t just save you from embarrassment, it rewires your brain. Each time you pause instead of explode, you’re training neural pathways. You’re literally teaching your brain a new default. Calm over chaos. It’s psychological weightlifting. Repetition builds strength. Every 90-second victory makes the next one easier.

Of course, you’ll mess up sometimes. You’ll snap before the timer runs out. Congratulations, you’re human. But don’t use failure as an excuse to quit. Use it as proof that the method works when you actually use it. The science doesn’t lie. Chemistry fades fast. Ego lingers longer. The pause cuts the cord.

So burn these words into your skull: Impulse, pause, brain, chemical, reaction, control, reset, clarity, calm, power. This is the language of mastery. This is the rhythm of someone who doesn’t get dragged around by biology. Bottom line, if you want to never get upset again, stop worshiping your impulses like they’re gods. They’re not. They’re cheap fireworks. And if you can survive 90 seconds of silence, you prove something life-changing. You run your brain. Your brain doesn’t run you.

Here’s the ugly secret about anger. Most of it is ego in a cheap Halloween costume. You don’t rage because someone did something. You rage because you gave their behavior a meaning that stabbed your pride. You disrespected me. She embarrassed me. They made me look weak. Notice the pattern. It’s always about you. Which means if you change the story you tell yourself, you change the feeling.

That’s where curiosity becomes your secret weapon. Curiosity is underrated. We glorify anger as passion or strength, but curiosity is the real power move. Instead of asking “how dare they,” ask “why would they do that?” Instead of screaming “that’s unfair,” ask “what pain, fear, or ignorance is driving this?” Curiosity doesn’t excuse behavior. It explains it. And explanation shrinks anger down to size. You stop seeing a monster and start seeing a confused, flawed human being, which by the way is what we all are.

Imagine this. Someone snaps at you in a meeting. Your old brain screams, “Attack back.” But your curious brain whispers, “What’s their story?” Maybe they’re drowning in stress. Maybe they’re terrified of failure. Maybe they’re just hungry. Doesn’t matter. Once you frame it as a question, you’ve stolen anger’s oxygen. Questions expand perspective. Rage narrows it.

Psychology calls this cognitive reframing. It’s the art of shifting meaning, and meaning is everything. Events don’t upset us. Interpretations do. Curiosity is a scalpel that cuts through your knee-jerk judgments and exposes the messy truth underneath. You see motives, fears, blind spots. Suddenly, it’s not personal anymore. It’s just human.

Let’s add some sarcasm because truth without sarcasm is boring. If you still prefer anger over curiosity, congrats. You’re basically choosing to be the emotional equivalent of dial-up internet. Slow, loud, outdated. Curiosity, on the other hand, is high-speed fiber for your brain. Faster, smarter, cleaner, and yes, it makes your emotional life binge-watchable instead of a buffering nightmare.

Here’s a quick tool. Replace every angry thought with a curious one. “They disrespected me” becomes, “What’s happening in their head right now?” “They ruined my day” becomes, “What kind of pressure makes someone act like that?” Every time you flip the script, you take back power. Because the truth is, angry people look predictable. Curious people look unshakable.

Empathy sneaks in through this door, too. When you practice curiosity, you accidentally become empathetic. And empathy is lethal to anger. You can’t rage at someone when you actually see their pain. You might still disagree. You might still set boundaries, but you won’t explode because empathy dilutes the poison. This doesn’t mean you turn into a saint who excuses everything. Sarcasm warning. Don’t confuse curiosity with being a doormat. You’re not saying, “Oh, please insult me again. I find it fascinating.” No, you’re saying, “I’ll understand where you’re coming from, but I’ll choose my response instead of reacting like a robot.” That’s maturity. That’s growth.

So, engrave these words into your mind: Curiosity, empathy, question, perspective, meaning, ego, story, choice, growth, freedom. This is the rhythm of a mind that refuses to be hijacked by nonsense. This is the language of someone who replaces fire with focus. The punchline: Anger screams, ‘I know everything.’ Curiosity whispers, ‘Maybe there’s more.’ One locks you in. The other sets you free. And if your goal is to never get upset again, curiosity isn’t just an option. It’s the upgrade your ego has been avoiding.

Here’s a harsh truth. Identity is tested in chaos. The more others try to manipulate your emotions, the more opportunity you have to define yourself. Every insult is a chance to practice control. Every provocation is a chance to reinforce who you are. And every time you respond with calm, you cement the foundation of an unshakable self. Boundaries are your friends. They are not punishment for others. They are statements of self-respect. This behavior is theirs. This response is mine. Say it silently. Say it loudly. Burn it into your mind. Boundaries create identity. They remind you. The world can scream, rage, complain, and attack, but it does not own your mind. Values are your compass. Before reacting, ask, “Does this align with who I want to be?” If the answer is no, don’t act. Simple. Ego wants you to fight. Retaliate, prove something. Identity says, “I already know who I am. No reaction necessary.” This is the mental muscle that turns moments of chaos into quiet victories. Resilience is cultivated, not inherited. Each time you pause, each time you choose calm, each time you respond with control instead of anger, you strengthen the invisible fibers of yourself. You’re building immunity to manipulation. You’re building a fortress of mental independence. And the world. It will test you endlessly. That’s fine. You’re ready. The power of choice is your greatest weapon. Remember, you decide your reactions. You choose your perspective. You enforce your boundaries. Nobody else holds these keys. Not the co-worker, not the stranger, not the driver who stole your parking space. You own yourself. That’s true strength. Calm isn’t passive. Calm is strategic. Calm is aggressive in its own quiet way. It’s a statement. I am not controlled. I am not manipulated. I am unshakable. And anyone who attempts to push your buttons discovers quickly that there’s nothing to push. Your identity is a locked vault and you hold the combination.

So repeat this like a mantra. Identity, choice, strength, resilience, calm, power, boundaries, values, freedom, control. These aren’t just words. They are the blueprint for never being upset or manipulated again. Live them, breathe them, and watch your life transform. The bottom line, if you can build an unshakable identity, all the anger, frustration, and petty provocations in the world become irrelevant. The world may rage, the idiots may perform, the chaos may swirl, but you remain untouched. You are the calm eye in the storm. You are the final authority on your emotions. And once you master that, nothing, and I mean nothing, can steal your peace. Let’s be brutally honest. Life will never stop testing you. People will cut you off, insult you, ignore you, and push every button they can find. That’s not new. What is new is you. You now have the tools, the mindset, and the secret psychological weapon to stay calm, collected, and in control. The world may scream, but you won’t answer with rage. You’ll answer with choice. You’ll answer with control. And trust me, that’s more powerful than yelling ever was. Here’s the kicker. No one is going to give you peace of mind. Nobody will hand it over on a silver platter. You have to take it. You take it by owning your reactions, by pausing before the chemical storm takes over, by asking questions instead of fueling anger, and by building an identity so solid that insults and chaos bounce off you like rubber bullets. This isn’t philosophy fluff. It’s applied, hardwired, practical psychology with a side of sarcasm because life is too short to be boring about it. So start today. Practice the 90-second pause. Replace rage with curiosity. Enforce your boundaries. Strengthen your identity. Control your choices. Watch your calm grow, your freedom expand, and your life transform. And when you feel the urge to explode, smile, breathe, and remember, the world doesn’t own you. You do. And that, my friend, changes everything.

If you’re still with me, I’ll go on!

After I watch it & also read the transcript cos I think that might help me understand it better because it was so metaphor heavy, I didn’t even pay attention at some points. I think it’s very interesting that he thinks it explains his behaviour & what he does… He says to me, “I don’t get upset or angry or let others getting upset or angry affect me 🤷‍♂️” Is he being serious?! The whole reason we’re in this mess because he gets angry at me & lets me affect him! Personally, I think he sent this to me to watch to take some of these suggestions, but I don’t scream & make a scene, but he wants me to take some of this on, though after listening again, I think it’s just a fucking very bad AI written speech with one to many terrible metaphors (which I actually had AI highlight all the metaphors for me, if you’re wondering what the bold is just to show how many are in one video) & this, in his mind just gives Phoenix a reason in his mind to back off, he just doesn’t realise he’s doing it because he upset & angry with me!

I also highlighted in blue something he fucking NEVER does! He literally does not have the skill to reflect on his or my behaviour to analyse or reflect on why either of us did what we did… I do all the time & as I’ve gotten older, I have become more reflective & often ask people to tell me if I am overreacting or if I have gotten it wrong. I was 100% never like this in the past, I would have always fought to the death that I was right & justified. I know many friends I’ve had for years would agree, however in the last few years, I do reflect on my behaviour before I react. I am not perfect with this, of course & definitely not always great with this with Phoenix, but I am much better at it. This would have been over a long time ago if I wasn’t, so not sure if it’s a good thing or not. Especially as I write in more real time about the arguments, disagreements or whatever these things are, that’s why I do like I did this morning, putting in effort to message first etc because I always wait for him to be first – as a simple example.

I also have to say, is this seriously the shit he’s watching on YouTube when he is a ‘zombie’ in the mornings, that can no longer message me!? I mean the other morning he watched a YouTube video on boredom. Like really?! I’m not saying he has to spend every single second of his spare time chatting to me, but remember, we get a very limited window to get in significant chat that reminds me we have a connection & I am valued. Why is it always at my expense, the time we have to chat gets shorter & shorter because he chooses to not talk to me, choosing to do things he could do around his family instead. It’s not like they sit at the dining room table & eat dinner together or sit as a family watching a tv show like we did in the 80’s & 90’s. He is 100% as his desk playing a game or getting AI to write a post that he could be listening to this shit, not using our very limited time. Obviously for him, this is a very irrational thing for me to think, let alone say out loud. Maybe it is. He can’t give me all his time & I understand that. But even though we had recently been seeing each other 2-3 times a week & daily phone calls, our relationship is mainly online. So when there is a slither of time to connect with each other, now that we don’t call every day & are barely seeing each other once a week, having sex once a fortnight & he doesn’t take it, what’s worse, is it’s like he doesn’t want too either, it just says to me that I don’t matter & I am not valued.

#IBD4U