September 2025 – The #IBD4U Movie
Additional post for Anzac day weekend.
10 September 2025 – Our calls, when they happen, are shorter now; he doesn’t call for his whole break anymore, he makes his food, goes out to his car then calls & has to cut it short to go back into work. So much for it being the highlight of his day… The calls mainly consist of us fighting over giving each other enough time. He refuses to come to my work because it’s too far, even coming to my city office where his dentist is… He’s said once that I never ask him to see me but when I do, he refuses & says it’s too far & he’d have to pay for parking… I mean fuck mate, you wonder why I get so upset!
We chat briefly about the fact they have a camera in their lounge room, as a nanny cam for the kids when they are both at work. I am worried that she will find a notification on his phone or something but he says that it doesn’t record anyway. I send him a meme which is todays heart, to just give him a sense of how he makes me feel when he does put in some effort.
The crux of our problem – these are not his words but my interpretation, that he basically has said if I show my feelings of being disrespected to him, it’ll make him back away. So I have to not be myself around him for him to want me? That my reaction to his actions is the problem, but he doesn’t think his action’s are a problem. I also have to have no expectations that he will message me or not every day & not overthink or castrostrophise he when doesn’t message. I also have to forget that he wanted to see me, make an effort to restore our friendship & now he doesn’t. Ok sure.
My lash client Misty said to me the other night when I was saying that he’s telling me all the time how busy he is, she said ‘you are the busiest person I know’ & she’s right on a way – I don’t like to compare my busy cos it’s all relative, I now commute an hour each way to work, work a 38+ hours week, I come home to do all the cleaning (actual cleaning!) & limited cooking (actually all for his lunches!) plus I then do at least one lash client a night or a couple on the weekend. I also see my family once a week for dinner at my house, I mow the lawns, have two dogs to look after feed & pick up their shit. Not to mention I have an investment property which I manage myself now after being fucked over by my property agent. Plus I have just started a Diploma. So after seeing his house & how messy it is, he is not busy at all. Yes, he’s painting around all the crap at their house, but he’s certainly not cleaning! So essentially, at the end of today, I have to be happy with what Phoenix is giving me, sporadic messages & barely seeing me barely calling me, just like it was six months ago as essentially that’s all he’s got to offer & he’s not changing back. OK got it.
I never asked for things to change. I never asked for him to be better to me. I was ok with how it was. Why did he even bother rekindling this if he was just planning on treating me the same fucking way he did twice before? Not even kidding, he pulled away when his daughter was born in affair one. He pulled away in affair two when he realised it was getting close to his wedding. We never got close again in affair three because we were smart & had our walls up, until he started 2.0, not because I asked him, not because I gave an ultimatum, not because I begged, not because I wanted it to change. He found my blog & decided he was cunt to me for years & wanted to make things better between us. He offered up sexless dates – dates! FFS! He offered to come to me, so I started offering to go to him, then he pulled back on coming to me citing that he is too busy, he’s working more (less than a 38 hour week with a five minute commute) & he’s so fucking tired every night & now all of a sudden, even though he gets up hours before work, he’s now a zombie in the mornings & can’t send a message, because he’s watching YouTube videos on boredom… Busy huh? & yet for some reason, today I pay $1.99 again to restore our snap streak, reallly holding onto that rose petal precariously dangling from the stem…
11 September 2025 – In my effort to keep the conversation going, to keep the conversation light, to keep the conversation away from how I am feeling – because apparently, I can’t show emotion – even though he’s told me before that he wishes I told him some things back in affair one but when I do now in A3v2.0, he doesn’t like it… So this is how the relationship is going to be from now on, I have to be a fake version of myself, I wonder how long I can keep this up. I was fake in the first affair, being confident when I wasn’t, holding back my feelings for fear of the rejection that came regardless & it was shoved in my face… Just like the one who, for the last five years, hell even the last eight years, who accepted what scrap of attention he would give me, that I cannot be the real me. I never could. If I want to be with him in any way, he will only accept the version he has in his head of me. That unfortunately, is not the version he’s asked me repeatedly to be, to be honest & tell him when things annoy me. No, I can’t do that because then I am criticising him…
So this day, we are talking on the phone while I go on my lunch walk & I ask who would play him in the #IBD4U movie as I am starting to see how it ends, I’m ready to write the screenplay. I can’t remember who we originally suggested but we land on David Boreanaz & I get told I look like Reece Witherspoon (I fucking wish!) so I pick her. It’s a light conversation, devoid of any feeling, depth & value. The things I usually cherish with him. This is what is has to be if I want him in my life. I am not ready to let him go, I have a bad habit of thinking that he will be my happy middle & happy ending…
Later than night when he is offline, after saying he should go offline but he does say that he’s working tomorrow so will be on again & says goodbye with a simple “Chat later” with no kiss, no hug, no ounce of feeling, I am thinking about him, we’ve texted a little more than recently today about chat GPT & how it is writing all his Facebook posts for him. So I am thinking about the #IBD4U movie, I put our photos into chat GPT to tell me who would play us, it says ‘For him Someone with a rugged, warm, approachable energy. Celebrities who could fit that vibe: Oscar Isaac, Jason Sudeikis, or Ben Affleck in his more casual roles. For her Someone with a bright, friendly, outdoorsy charm. Celebrities who could fit that vibe: Elizabeth Banks, Kristen Bell, or Reese Witherspoon.’ So I ask it to make a #IBD4U movie poster! It’s kind of a boring movie poster, but hilarious that it made the caption ‘Love is going to surprise you.’
Here is the poster, even though you don’t know what either of us look like, it’s pretty funny that this is what chat GPT came up with!
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 