Fiction : Fleaz #20

As he storms off, I stalk off after him, he is not going to treat me like that when he is angry & then walk off, we are going to fight it out

“Conner it’s your family” he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, he doesn’t look at me “Don’t shut me out.” He runs his fingers through his wet hair

“I’m not” his voice has returned to normal “please just drop it”

“Really? You want to just forget it?” He looks up at me, his face is pained, I’ve seen that look before, my heart breaks for him

“Yes.” I sit next to him, he takes my hand in his “You’re all I need” He kisses my hand, leaning his forehead to mine, he lets out a deep breath & chastely kisses me on the lips before standing up & leaving the room. I sit there staring at the wall, did he really want to forget it? I don’t know what I would want in his position but his grandmother had somehow found him & he still believed that he wasn’t worthy of love from his family, but she was reaching out to him, even it was over 20 years too late. I thought it was perfect timing as he could have some family at the wedding too. She didn’t say much but it sounded a little desperate in her plea’s to contact him.

Conner was stubborn, she’d hurt him in a way a child should never be hurt, I understood that, but he didn’t need to hurt her back. I put myself in his shoes, could I meet the only adult family member that abandoned me as a child & put me into state care? I don’t know if I could, but I would be so intrigued to hear what she has to say but on the other hand, I would be scared that I would end up hurt all over again.

I knew with Conner’s reaction to the letter, that he wouldn’t make the first move, so the next day as I dialled Bessie’s mobile number, my stomach churned. What are you doing Kristie?

“Hello?” a frail sweet older sounding lady that I wasn’t expecting answered

“Hello, is that Bessie?” I asked

“Yes, who is this?”

“You don’t know me Bessie, my name is Kristie Callan, I am your grandson’s Conner Reynolds fiancé” I hear a sharp intake of breath it takes a few minutes for both of us to regain our equilibrium & understand the magnitude of what this call means

“Thank you for calling, I take it Conner was too stubborn to call himself?” she pauses “He doesn’t know you are calling me does he?” I smile, how did she know? I guess it’s not too hard to predict otherwise he would have called himself.

“You’re right, yes. I only know Conner’s side of the story, which I believe…”

“It’s all true” She cuts me off & I wince, I knew it was but I somehow hoped she would tell me he exaggerated it “You don’t know how much I hate myself for doing that to a child. I was so bitter, I just couldn’t get past it” her voice is sad & I feel for her

“Why have you taken so long to find him?”

“I’ve tried so many times, I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or if he even gets my letters” She sighs “I don’t blame him for ignoring me, I don’t know if I would want to talk to me”

“So why bother?” I’m starting to hate myself for calling her

“I have to make things right” she pauses “I’m old & sick. He has nieces & nephews he’s never met, his sister will be alone when I go.”

“Maybe then she’ll know what it feels like” I snap

“We deserve that, but Kristie, you don’t know how you would react in that situation.” She replied softly. I know I wouldn’t leave a child alone to fend for themselves, regardless of how I felt “It was better for him to get away from the bitterness we felt, we would have destroyed him”

“You destroyed him anyway” I snarl “He lived on the streets, he lived without love, he couldn’t love anyone…”

“Until he met you” Bessie interrupts

“He took 33 years to find me” I snap “He is so broken because of what you did. Living with bitterness has to be better than living alone without love.”

“Is it?” She is getting angry now too “Think about it, he would have lived with people who couldn’t stand the sight of him, didn’t love him because of their own idiocies. Yes, he would have been with family but he would have been more alone than ever” She pauses “Which is better?” I ponder that for what seems like hours

“I don’t know” I really didn’t & I believe her reasons for giving him away were sincere, but I still didn’t believe that Conner would agree & want to meet her.

“I did what I thought was best for him, honestly” She pauses “It was not the best thing for me, I hated myself & have lived with the guilt all these years. I thought I was giving him a better life, I prayed he’d live with a family who love him & wanted such a sweet boy. I didn’t know that he would end up on the streets.” I hear her stifle a sob, it makes my eyes well too but I didn’t want her to know that her story touched me.

“I’ll try to talk to Conner” I hear myself say, Really Kristie? He is not going to like it!

“I won’t hold my breath, but at least if you could at least tell him why I did it, it might give him some closure – for lack of a better word” I hang up from Bessie & wonder how I am going to broach this subject with Conner.

I’m home before Conner as usual & I’m preparing dinner when he walks in, sexy in his fluro high vis work shirt, blue cargos & yellow Mack boots, his hair messy as usual, his hands & face dirty from a hard days labour, his arms wrap about my waist & he kisses my neck

“Hey baby” he rubs his growing cock against my rear “Come shower with me” He’s so playful & sexy I can barely resist, he’s already pulling the hem of my singlet over my head, I’m not wearing a bra since I changed when I got home from work, my shorts & underwear are the next to fall on the floor “Looks like you have too now that you’re naked” he picks me up & carries me to the bathroom, he strips quickly & he joins me in the shower. He must have a sixth sense that I want to talk to him because he pins me to the wall with his hips, stretching my arms above my head with his, his foot urges my feet apart, his pinning me to the wall like a starfish, he leans in to kiss my neck, along my collar bone, I moan, loving the way Conner knows exactly how to tease me, he kisses up my neck to find my lips, his right hand flattens my hand on the shower wall, I know I need to keep it there as he tickles my skin, dragging his fingers down my arm, over my nipple, down my stomach to find my sensitive core where he teases before slipping two fingers inside me

“Ahhhhh, that feels so good” His head is at my neck, I feel him smile, he always loves it when I tell him what I like & his hand speeds up, pumping in & out of me, my free hand finds the top of the shower screen for support, his thumb finds my clit & he only has to circle it a few times softly before I am contracting around him, screaming out “Fuck… Conner…” In true Conner style, before I have even finished my orgasm, Conner lifts my leg with his free hand, angling me so he can enter me, hard & fast, he pumps so vigorously, his other arm is still outstretched with mine above our heads, he locks eyes with me, leaning down to kiss me passionately, I have barely come down from the previous orgasm, but Conner bends his knees slightly to change the angle & he thrusts twice more slightly upwards until I come around his pulsating cock “Je… sus…” I scream out more incomprehensible words, Conner pumps his hips a few more times shouting out my name as he fills me. I am limp as he still pins me to the shower wall slowly pumping inside me with the aftermath of his orgasm, he kisses behind my ear & I shudder further clenching around him

“Fuck that felt so good” he kisses behind my ear again & my body involuntarily shudders again, I feel his cock twitch inside me with his reaction, he chuckles.


“What’s up baby?” He senses my nervousness over dinner, I don’t know how to talk about this Conner, I know he is going to be angry, I only hope the shower sex calmed him down a little, we’re sitting at the table in matching boxer briefs, Conner is shirtless but I am wearing one of his t shirts. I have to just rip the band aid off quickly, get this argument over with

“Don’t be angry but I called your grandmother today” I expect him to yell like he had when he opened the note. He glares at me intently, trying to find words but instead he picks up his plate takes it to the sink, dropping it with a loud crash, I jump but he just stares out the window “Say something Conner” He shakes his head & walks out of the room Silent brooding Conner is not a good sign! I take my own plate to the sink when I hear Conner yelling ‘Leave my fiancé the fuck alone’ I hear another crashing noise & rush into the bedroom, Conner is standing there with his fists clenched, I see my smartphone on the floor in the corner of the room, I can only assume he called her from my history & then he threw it across the room

“I told you to leave it the fuck alone Kristie” he says in a low voice that makes me heart break, I wish he would yell at me because I think I could handle that better than this

“I just wanted…” “I don’t give a fuck, it’s my problem & you had no fucking right to call her” he’s now shouting at me, staring at me with such anger that I regret calling her, I bow my head & tears flow, I try to hide my face from him “Don’t start with the fucking water works Kristie” That doesn’t help! More tears flow “Jesus, you really don’t fucking get it, do you?” I shake my head more tears falling down my face, Conner pulls on a pair of jeans & finds a black t shirt, he stalks out of the room, by the time I reach him in the lounge room he’s putting his wallet & phone in his back pockets, he picks up his keys without saying good bye & slams the front door. Shit have I gone too far?


Fiction : Fleaz #19

Conner & I shower together in the morning, he is so sweet & being so careful with me, it was a first for both of us but it won’t be the last, it was certainly something I want to do again. Conner soaps up the sponge & caresses me all over with it, I am turned on, I can visually see that he is too, but this isn’t about sex, Conner wants to prove, more to himself than me, that even though we had anal sex last night, that it was still making love. I get his obsession with it, he’d been objectifying women & trying to find love for years until he met me, hell he’d even been given the nick name Fleaz because he slept with so many women & his workmates joked that his cock would be covered in fleas. If only they knew Conner’s other obsession about not becoming a father & incessantly wearing condoms! Because of his childhood, he wanted love & to be loved, it was the reason he would get angry if we didn’t make love, but fucked instead, I think I had finally gotten through to him that even if it’s fucking, we’re still in love & sometimes a woman needs a good hard fuck! But this was his way of making up for it, I didn’t mind, I loved that he wanted to soap me up & be tender with me in the shower

“How are you feeling this morning baby?”

“Incredible… although…” he gives me a terrified look “This is indecent” I hold up my engagement ring “I’m an engaged woman” he face breaks out into a huge dimply smile & he laughs, slapping me gently on my ass cheeks

“Well let’s hope your fiancé doesn’t find out” he winks “he’s one lucky dude” I laugh too, Conner pulls me in tightly “I am one lucky dude, you amaze me. Why me Kristie?” his question catches me off guard, I have a million reasons why I love him but I retort with

“Why me Conner?” immediately I regret it as Conner tenses up, turning to rinse the sponge, I stand on tippy toes & kiss his shoulder “You’re so smart, hilarious, generous, sexy, sweet, brave, honest, determined, strong, loyal, trusting & you’re also damaged, moody, possessive & stubborn” he turns to me, looking at my quizzically “All of which make you who you are today, the caring, sensitive hot man in front of me, who I couldn’t live without either” His mouth crushes mine, he pulls away abruptly

“I know you’re sore & I already want you” I grasp his cock

“Why should you miss out just because I’m out of action?” I make Conner come quickly, his hands on either side of the shower tightly holding himself in place, he calls out my name & it’s just as satisfying for me as it is him.

As I stand back up, I glance at my ring

“Did you ever secretly hope we’d become this?” I look at my engagement ring “You know” I grin cheekily at him “When you propositioned me in the bar?”

“Subconsciously maybe” he looks down at my ring too, watching it sparkling as I twitch my fingers in the light & spray of the shower “But I honestly thought I was too damaged” he picks me up & spins me around making me squeal “Propositioning you that night was the best decision I ever made” he pauses recalling that night “But I actually almost wimped out”

“Really?” that surprises me, he seemed so confident & so sure of himself, I never would have guessed that he was scared

“Yeah, I was absolutely shitting my pants just thinking about it, I had picked up a women like that before but I knew you were different, I knew I had to be honest with you & not treat you like the others but I knew you wouldn’t be a one night stand” he chuckles “So I almost didn’t ask you but then you looked at me with that twinkle in your eye, you blushed & I knew I had to have you at least once”

“Would you have chased me if I said no?”

“What are you talking about? I did chase you, all across the bar, you kept running away & then I had to chase after you from my work party” he caresses my cheek “I never should have let you walk out that night, I was so fucking scared, I knew I was falling for you too but I couldn’t bring myself to believe you might feel something for me too… then you said it & I didn’t believe it.”

“Do you now?” We look deep into each other’s eyes

“Yes” he strokes my cheek “I knew that first time we made love, that I wanted you to know me, really know me, I wanted you to be the only other person who knows the shit I’ve gone through, but I got scared so I asked you to suck me off in the shower” I pull a face at the memory, I didn’t hate it but I had felt a little used “I’m sorry for that, more than you’ll ever know” he brushes his lips to mine so gently  before looking at my with a questioning look “Did you ever think we’d become this?” I knew he would ask me in return

“I hoped… dreamed… fantasised… I’m a woman, as much as I said I didn’t want to date, which was true in my mind, I still think about the possibilities but my life isn’t a romantic comedy so I wasn’t surprised when it ended”

“I never wanted it to end” he quips “If you had of given me some more time I reckon…”

“I disagree, I think we’d still be fuck buddies” I rub my hand reassuringly on his chest “It took you seeing me with other guy to realise what you really wanted” he makes an odd grumbling sound

“You didn’t fuck that loser, did you?” I pull out of his embrace, appalled, I glare at him before I open the shower door & grab my towel

“I can’t believe you’d ask me that” I snap

“I need to hear you say it” he gets out of the shower, grabbing his towel too & wraps it around his waist, but doesn’t dry himself at all

“You know the answer already Conner…” he cuts me off 

“I didn’t fuck anyone & barely even jerked off the whole time we were apart Kristie” I sigh & laugh at the same time, I know he’s going to press the issue especially since he’s just confessed to me

“No, I did not fuck him”

“Did you fuck anyone else?”

“Jesus Conner” I snap trying to walk out of the bathroom

“It doesn’t matter if you did”

“Then why do you need to know?” Why don’t you just tell him the truth? I don’t know why this has pissed me off so much.

“Because …” His voice trails off, I look up at him but he’s not looking at me, he’s afraid of my answer but he should already know that he knows the answer

“No, I didn’t fuck anyone” I snap angrily, but before I can escape he pulls me in so close & tight, kissing the top of my head he whispers

“I love you baby” I can’t help but smile, I’d also hoped he hadn’t slept with anyone else but I didn’t want to ask him because I wasn’t sure I could deal with it if the answer happened to be yes, I mean we were only apart a few weeks & even though I thought he was with someone else, I prayed that he wasn’t.


Conner is like a little school boy on the day of our engagement party, he’s running around cleaning the back yard, moving the outdoor furniture twenty times to make sure he’s put it in the perfect spot, he spent so long at the decoration store picking out balloons & banners. It was so cute, I didn’t want to interfere, this was his first ever party of his own, that he has to share with you! Well that’s not so bad is it?

As I make the salads & put together the nibbles platter, Conner dashes inside searching for his keys

“Where the fuck are my fucking keys?”

“What are you doing?” I ask unable to hide my amusement

“I haven’t got any ice!” oh no, first world problem! I laugh wrapping my arms around his waist.

“I love you” he softens & hugs me back

“Am I being bridezilla?” I burst out laughing & nod

“A little, besides, there is plenty of time to get ice & we can ask Damon to pick up on the way over, pay him when they get here” I reach up to kiss him gently on the lips “I love how excited you are”

“Oh shit” he pushes me away & strides off up the stairs to the bedroom

“What?” I call after him but I don’t follow knowing it is probably something miniscule that he’s probably worrying about. He returns with a printed piece of paper & folds it neatly in his pocket. I don’t even ask.

As the guests start arriving at 5:00pm, Conner takes on the host role like a duck to water, ensuring everyone has a drink as they arrive & offering up the nibbles platter to them. Less than an hour later Conner corners me to ask if he should start cooking the BBQ, if we want to eat by 6:30pm

“Was that piece of paper a schedule for tonight?” I laugh reaching into his pocket to get it out, he stops me

“No, that’s up here” he taps his temple twice, I can’t help but laugh.

After dinner is cleaned up Conner shouts out asking for everyone’s attention, Whatthefuck is he doing? We never discussed speeches, is he doing a speech?

“I just want to say a few words, everyone get a drink” he pulls out his piece of paper & clears his throat as people return from scrambling to get a refill, I stay paralysed in my seat, he finds my gaze, barely needing his piece of paper, which is shaking in his hands as he starts “There is only one person in the world who knows all my deep dark secrets & even though she knows them all, she is still with me & agreed to marry me” A few people cheer, a tear wells in my eye “She makes me the happiest man alive & I plan on spending the rest of my life proving that I am worthy of her” Tears slowly fall, Conner hasn’t broken eye contact with me “I want you all to raise your glass to my stunning Bride-to-be, Kristie” in unison, everyone raises their glasses & says ‘to Kristie’. Conner makes his way over to me, taking me in his arms, he kisses me passionately, his best man & best friend Tyler shouts ‘Get a room’ everyone laughs & we part, both smiling like a Cheshire cat. I hug him so tightly

“You are worthy of me Conner” I whisper in his ear, he hugs me tighter, all eyes are still on us, he turns back to the crowd not loosening his grip around my waist

“Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to this amazing woman, not make her cry” We all laugh & others who are crying wipe their eyes too “Thank you all for coming, for the gifts, even though we said no gifts & I personally thank Kristie’s parents Max & Violet for bringing up such a wonderful person, I want to thank the wedding party Samantha, Hannah, Savannah & Sophie for agreeing to help Kristie on the wedding day, to my groomsmen Tyler, Carter, Damon & Bentley I appreciate you guys more than anything.” He looks down at me, I am a blubbering mess that I can’t say anything “So let’s get back to partying not crying” then my dad shouts out

“To Conner & Kristie” everyone chants in unison & raise their glasses. I turn to Samantha & then it’s her cue to play the slideshow I prepared for Conner to surprise him, I had put together all the photos he used in the invitation & found some others too then added our song & my sister organised a big screen to project it onto so I could play it tonight. As it started, he pulled me in close to him, I could only hear his heartbeat & Matthew Bellamy singing our favourite song he pulled me closer

“I can’t wait to marry you” he whispers kissing the top of my head.


With the engagement party over, the focus was on the wedding, we had booked Carrick Hill for our wedding & reception in just five months’ time, there had been a cancellation & since Conner didn’t want to wait too long, we booked it. The same day we locked down the menu & table decorations. The bridesmaids & I had been shopping for their dresses, I wanted them to all wear different dresses in the same colour, so they could pick whatever they wanted or suited them most, as long as it was floor length & came in the green I’d chosen, Conner had insisted on paying for their dresses. I really didn’t want to think about the money he had stored away for this but I couldn’t help it, when had he saved all this cash?

I was having my dress made & of course as the wedding was only five months away, Conner had thrown some money at the seamstress & she agreed to have it done on time.

It was going to be a relatively small wedding, we hadn’t even invited the minimum number of required guests for the room we wanted at Carrick Hill, so Conner paid for the minimum of 120 guests & didn’t bat an eyelid. I wanted to fight them on it, but he didn’t seem fazed at all.

Everything seemed to be moving along smoothly, everything going according to plan, we had spoken to my friend who is a travel agent, booking & paying for five blissful nights away in a private over water villa in Bora Bora. As if that isn’t enough, Conner wasn’t just happy with five nights away so he planned for us to fly to Mexico, stopping in Mexico City, Acapulco & Cancun for two weeks, I was dying to go to go to Mexico & I couldn’t wait, three weeks on a blissful honeymoon with Conner was more than I could ever want.

All seemed to be going well until Thursday, when the post arrived, it was addressed to Conner, he opened it when he got home from work, he read it & yelled ‘Fuck you’, screwing it up & throwing it in the bin, he stalked off up to the bedroom, stripping as he went, by the time I got to him, he was in the shower.

“What was that all about?” I asked as I pulled the shower door open, he didn’t turn to look at me

“Nothing” he snapped

“Don’t pull that shit with me Conner.” He sighed washing the shampoo out of his hair

“I don’t want to deal with this fucking bullshit Kristie” he pulled the shower door shut, leaving me glaring at him. I would just get it out of the bin if he wouldn’t tell me what it was. It was a small note that smelled of an older lady’s purfume, the neat cursive reminded me of my grandmothers writing.


I am sorry for everything, I should never have left you. I regret it every day, it’s not what your mother would have wanted. You must understand why I did it.

I need to speak with you, please contact me urgently on 0411 262 626.

Your grandmother, Bessie

I screwed it up myself but before tossing it back in the trash I realised that this is Conner’s chance of a family of his own, what could she want?

“Throw that back in the fucking bin” Conner snapped through gritted teeth, his voice low & commanding, I turn as my face flushes at being caught red handed, his face is stern & he is angry, like I’ve never seen before, he’s standing there in only his towel, he hasn’t wiped himself, wanting to stop me from reading the note, there are beads of water dripping from his hair, gliding down his ripped body

“But it’s from…” he cuts me off angrier than before “I don’t give a flying fuck” he shouts, he rarely raises his voice at me, it takes me by surprise, he strides over & snatches the note out of my hand ripping it into small pieces & throwing it back in the bin, he leans close to my face “Just leave it the fuck alone Kristie”



Including today’s post, there are only 15 posts left! (Which include the rest of my fiction) have you got any predictions on how it will end? I’m excited to get this all out…

As if 2021 isn’t a shit enough year for everyone, but for me, lets go through a few things. My friend has moved out – still not talking to me, I’m fighting my ex workplace, I am unemployed – I have my hobby business at least there to keep my mind active, I am still fucking my now married ex boyfriend on a regular basis, my 40th birthday is looming & dating has become an absolute disaster, that I know this is it for me. I am not going to date anymore. I have lost a couple of other friends in 2020/2021 with the longer I take off work the harder it is to feel connected to the world outside my 2 puppies & cat.

On top of all that, my dad has a heart attack – luckily it was mild enough that he is ok now & had to have a couple of stents put in his heart but he is ok. Now my dad & I are very close, I call him when I have a decision to make, I get him to help me with handman work I need done around my house. So this was hard for me to take. But finding out the reason behind his heart attack was worse. I am sure I have mentioned before that my parents are hoarders, their front yard has 5 cars in it, there is piles of pavers & old car batteries. There is just shit everywhere – stuff that might be useful one day. Dad didn’t tell me or my siblings but they were sent a letter from the council that their yard needs to be cleaned up or they will be fined. While dad was moving things around the yard he had the heart attack. So when he got out of hospital, he couldn’t do much but we ordered a skip & because I wasn’t working, I was able to load up the skip for him.

Where’s the dating story, I hear you ask?! Well, there is a lot of stuff in the backyard that dad was going to do up, or fix up that is now basically trashed from years of bugs & weather exposure. So there are a few things I can salvage & convince him to let me sell on facebook market place.

There’s a car, toy thing. Not sure what it is but it’s got Valvoline all over it. I get a few different people asking if it works, if we have a charger etc. I’m like dude look at the pics, it’s a fucking dust bowl. When someone out the other side of town messages & says he really wants it & can’t come till next week but will pay me via direct deposit. Everyone else I didn’t get a good vibe from so I allow this guy into my back account & send him my number in case when I mark it as sold the listing sometimes disappears.

When he messages to say that he’ll come pick it up from my parents house, I’m hoping dad will go out & complete the transaction, but dad doesn’t & I have to deal with the guy. I don’t really realise it at the time but he’s cute & I am blatantly flirting with him like a fucking creepy chick! He’s flirting back as I help lift it into his car & when I go inside I am flustered that my parents ask me what happened. I giggle like an idiot & then lightly stalk the boy on facebook.

Weeks go by I have forgotten about the cute interaction with Valvoline & started a new job, a job I have no idea how I got, it’s a dream that I got it because I love what I do & I am working in the industry that my previous boss had told me that I would never work in – ever. (Again I can’t give much away about my career, I do seem to have niche jobs, in niche industries!) But here I am doing a job I am good at – so even though my previous boss will probably never know I am smug about the fact I got a job I really like doing, without being berated every day.

So when I get a message from Valvoline showing me pictures of the car he did up – I’d said on the day I met him after he said he was going to clean it up for his man cave, that I wanted to see pictures to show dad. He did a great job, it looks amazing to be honest! I am glad I chose him to buy it. But the chats keep going, somehow we both keep replying even though really, the transaction is over. We talk for days, weeks even everyday until we swap numbers (again) & we chat on there too… We talk most days & it’s definitely flirty.

When we arrange to actually meet after talking about how much we love brunch, we decide on brunch then a movie, the new Cruella movie. Before I meet him, I decide that this is my last first date ever. If this goes well, if this goes badly, I don’t even care. This is the last date I am going on. I can not do anymore forced conversation, I can not do any more fun dates with a message afterwards then them saying they don’t like me.

Anyway we meet for brunch, he is shorter than I remember. He has perfect teeth & he is cute, there isn’t as much chemistry as I remember the day we met, but I still enjoy his company.

As we go to order we are told we can’t order brunch, it’s 11:00am & the lunch menu is only available. We both look at our watches it’s 11:01am & if they had of served us right away, it would still be brunch menu. Anyway we end up having to order schnitzels, which is weird for this early in the morning & since I had expected poached eggs, I am not prepared for this. The date goes well, nothing much to write home about (or blog about!) but we chat & continue to chat again for weeks, until we meet for an actual brunch again. We get brunch this time. Again, not the chemistry I remember but still a good date & we kiss on the cheek hello & goodbye.

He’s flirty & funny but I don’t really know what he is after – so I think fuck it. I’ll just ask. Typical man answer he says that he isn’t really looking for anything but happy with whatever comes his way – ok fuckwit, you have someone asking what you want, you either want it or you don’t. Don’t dick me around!!

But after that conversation over a couple of days, he backs off, I tell him to add me on facebook which he does immediately, loving every photo I post but I never see him again. The old chestnut of how far I live away from him (but he said he didn’t mind driving, live driving blah blah blah!), how set up he is out north, how set up I am south, plus he has his daughter. We just never never see each other again but often he’ll comment on my snapchats but it seems while I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him – perhaps to explore the chemistry at least kiss the fucking guy on the mouth at some point, but before we can ever get to that it looks as though I have been benched in the friend zone.

Now all I have to wait for is him to change his profile picture to his stunning new girlfriend that he’ll find now that he’s dated me…



Fiction : Fleaz #17 & #18

I am dressed in a sleeveless lace crimson dress that comes just above my knees, the front & back are both cut into a V neck, I am ready to go,

“You look beautiful Kristie, I’ll just finish getting ready & meet you downstairs in a minute” I walk downstairs with my shoes in my hand, standing by the front door, Conner told me not to be late & now he’s stuffing around in the bedroom. What is he doing? I slide on my strappy black heels as he walks down the stairs, catching my gaze we lock eyes, he’s in a suit, looking devastatingly handsome with a crimson tie that matches my dress, that is so cute!  I didn’t know he was going to wear a tie, let alone match it with my dress, I didn’t even know that he took that much notice of what I put on tonight, he stops at the bottom of the stairs looking nervous, when I see he’s holding something, it looks like a Tiffany’s blue box with a thick white ribbon, I mentally wonder what the hell he might have bought me & what the occasion is. I know how expensive it can be but I become so excited to get my first Tiffany’s piece. I smile at him, my annoyance disappears from him keeping me waiting, he slowly takes one step closer to me

“I love you” he pulls on the ribbon undoing the perfect bow, “so much, those words don’t even seem adequate” I freeze, the ribbon falls to the floor, I am paralysed as he takes another slow step closer, “You are my everything” lifting the lid off the box, dropping it to the floor, I can’t see inside it “I have never felt this way before, I know that I cannot live without you.” He tips the box upside down & a black box slides into his waiting hand. My breath catches. “I don’t want to find out what life would be like without you” the blue box drops to the floor with the ribbon, he takes the final step, standing directly in front of me “You are my happily ever after” he drops to bended knee, a tear wells in my eye, he opens the black box presenting it to me “Kristie Callan, will you marry me?” I stop breathing. Inside is a platinum band with a huge claw set princess cut diamond, with complimenting round brilliant cut diamonds channelled in the band, it’s the ring I pinned on Pinterest about 5 years ago as my dream ring that I never in a million years ever thought I would get. The tears are blurring my vision, I try to find my voice, but I am lost for words, this is so unexpected, we hadn’t ever really talked about marriage. I really thought that Conner never wanted to get married & here he is on his knee in front of me, looking so worried, I am smiling from ear to ear, tears streaming down my face, but I cannot speak. He takes the ring out of the box, holding it up to me, I put my left hand out flat to him, he hesitates before pushing it on my hand, as I haven’t been able to answer him yet

“Yes” he slides it on my finger & it fits perfectly “a thousand times, yes” I say again to confirm. I don’t know how he has pulled this off. I don’t even care, that was the most perfect moment of my life, I didn’t see it coming yet I was lucky enough to have the most perfect man giving me my perfect ring. I bend down grabbing his face in my hands, kissing him, he stands during the passionate kiss to embrace me tightly “I love you Conner. You’ve made me the happiest woman alive. How did you… it’s so perfect.” I am crying, ruining my make-up I spent ages doing for this evening.

“Perfect ring for a perfect girl” I laugh as his looks at my hand “I have everything I ever wanted, I want to give you everything you want”

“You are everything I want” I don’t know how long we kiss for but I know that if we keep going we’ll end up in bed & late for dinner. “Aren’t we going to be late?”

“No, I told you 6 so you’d be ready, but the reservation isn’t till 7” he winks, I swoon “You have to call your family” I call mum & dad, my sister Samantha & my brother Bentley to tell them, I cry most of the time & Conner has to take the phone to finish telling them before they think someone has died. They are all so excited for us, they don’t know Conner’s full story, he doesn’t want anyone else to know but they know something happened & he has no family left. Once I have calmed down a bit I call Sophie & Savannah, they are both so excited. I take a photo of Conner & I holding hands showing off my ring with my phone & send it to a few other friends including my extended family. On the way to the restaurant, our phones are constantly beeping with congratulation texts, we ignore them for now, just wanting to enjoy each this moment

“I don’t want to wait long before we are married” His statement surprises me, I never thought that Conner ever wanted to get married “I have savings, enough for whatever your dream wedding is, so all we have to do is organise it”  Whatthefuck?

“Really?” I gape at him, he takes his eyes off the road for a second to meet my gaze

“Yes, really” We’d never really talked about money before, we both paid our way, generally equally, although Conner paid for more than me but it wasn’t like we kept tabs on it

“This ring must have taken a good chunk of that savings though & with the new house…” I knew the ring was expensive, especially from Tiffany’s plus we’d just bought the new house, he couldn’t have too much savings left

“Nope, still plenty. So what’s the dream?” I laugh, I have been dreaming of my wedding since I was a little girl, I always wanted a huge wedding with all the trimmings, princess style dress & 6 or 7 bridesmaids, but as I play with the stunning ring on my finger, I shift in my seat to look at Conner

“I don’t really care about a perfect wedding anymore, I want a marriage, I want you” He takes his hand off the wheel & entwines his fingers with mine

“You got me babe” as if on cue the music changes & Muse ‘Endlessly’ comes on through the sound system in the car “I want to dance my first married dance with you to this song” my mouth falls open wide “What? Too corny?”

“No, it’s the song I always wanted” We laugh


“Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“Song choice done!” he seems proud of himself like that is the biggest decision we have to make, he checks it off his imaginary list “What else? Honeymoon? Somewhere we can be naked the whole time” he winks, I can’t help but laugh, I always pictured my honeymoon somewhere tropical

“Bora Bora maybe, but it’s really expensive…” He squeezes my hand

“Bora Bora it is! What else? What type of wedding do you want? Church? Beach? Outdoor?”

“I always wanted to get married in the church my parents got married in but I’m not churchy, I think maybe outdoors?”

“Any thoughts where because then we can check availability & book a date” I really had to laugh at that

“You’re so keen, what’s the rush?” he squeezes my hand again but let’s go to turn into the restaurant car park, I barely hear his response

“I’ve never had a family” I almost start crying, he leaps out of the car so fast I don’t even get time to respond or take in what he said. He opens my car door helping me out, I embrace him as soon as I am standing

“I am your family, married or not” I snuggle into him “but we will book a date soon, I don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t have me” he kisses my hair, I hear him sniff, he squeezes me tighter before releasing me, taking my hand & pulling me into the restaurant.

After we’re seated & being served an expensive bottle of wine, we order entrée & mains, the waiter leaves us alone.

“I think I would like to get married at Carrick Hill, then have the reception there afterwards” Conner’s face lights up, once we’ve picked a location, the date will be set & plans will start to fall into place “I’ll call them tomorrow to see if we can go have a look?”

“I don’t need to look if you know it’s what you want” I smile “What else do you want? Colour?” I almost wonder if Conner has researched a ‘wedding to do’ list so we can organise everything tonight. 

“Green” Easy choice, my favourite colour, also the colour of his eyes


“Samantha will be my matron of honour” I always knew my sister would be mine as I was her maid of honour “Maybe Hannah, Savannah & Sophie, depending on who you want”

“My best man will be Tyler, maybe Bentley, Damon & Carter?” I was touched he wanted my brother Bentley & brother in law Damon in his wedding party, I understand why he wants my family, who I am so close with, in our wedding. “Do you want an engagement party?”

“If we’re getting married quickly we probably don’t need one” He leans over the table in close to me, reaching out to touch my hand

“I didn’t ask if you needed one” he winks “we could have a BBQ or something in a few weeks? Could be like a housewarming too?”

“Good idea, engagement party sorted! I’ll do a Facebook invite” he laughs & our entrée arrives at the table

“Facebook invite, really?” I nod taking a bite of the haloumi entrée

“Yeah why not? It’s free”

“It’s tacky & money doesn’t matter” I ignore the money comment, of course money matters!

“Who cares if it’s tacky?” I ask

“I do” Conner is serious but I can’t help but laugh, he is a man of surprises tonight!

“Really? Why?” he doesn’t look at me, I can’t work him out tonight

“I’ve never had a party before” I almost blurt out ‘ever’ & I realise that of course he hasn’t, foster parents probably never thought to plan a party.

“I’ll make proper invites, there’s a few good websites I can use”

“Thank you” he reaches over & squeezes my hand

“Conner it’s your wedding too, you can tell me what you want”

“I want whatever you want baby, honestly, if you want to do a Facebook invite, I will be ok with that, as long as I get you in the end forever, it all doesn’t matter” I smile shyly, I pull out my phone & look at the calendar “Have you posted that photo to Facebook yet?” I shake my head

“Do you want me too?”

“Yes, I want everyone to know” I giggle, of course he does, I post the photo of our hands showcasing my ring & go back to looking at my calendar

“So we’ve got nothing on the next four Saturdays”

“Three weeks then. We’ll just do a BBQ, I’ll speak to Ado at the butchers. I’ll get some cartons of beer & some wine and you can do a salad or two, just something small to celebrate this with our friends” I couldn’t love him more than when he talked about planning this party. My heart aches for the little boy who never had a party.

Fleaz #18

When I walk into our bedroom after washing my face & brushing my teeth, Conner has the laptop fired up & on his lap, he was sitting there in just his boxers, googling something

“What’s the website for invites?” he looks up as I walk in

“Vistaprint or Moonpig are both good” he basically ignores me to get back to designing the invites. I check my Facebook notifications & respond to the texts from earlier, when I walk back into our room, Conner is still designing away, I ask him to unzip my dress, he is so distracted he barely even looks at my zipper, I turn to face him letting my dress fall in a puddle by my feet, I am wearing crimson lace bra with matching g string, that gets his attention, I bend over purposefully to pick up the dress making sure he gets a good view of my cleavage, I walk away, opening the wardrobe & hanging the dress up, I walk over to the dresser taking off my jewellery, all but my new sparkling diamond ring, Conner doesn’t take his eyes off me, he shuts the laptop & puts it on the floor next to him, he kneels on the bed, crawling towards me, as I continue to ignore him, I bend over again to pick up some of his clothes

“Are you teasing me?” I look at him sweetly, folding his discarded clothes, I try to get past him, but he catches my elbow pulling me hard against him “because it’s working” he leans in to kiss me, his hands running all over my skin, his hands find my bra clasp & rapidly discard it on the floor “I can’t believe you are all mine sometimes” he kisses my breasts, giving each one attention until they stand erect for him, my body is writhing for him already, I can feel how wet I am becoming, I tug at his boxers, bending down to pull them to his bent knees, I lower myself to my own knees, he leans back on his heels to make himself the same height as me, he knows what I have planned, I take his cock in my mouth, he smiles at me wickedly, groaning loudly, I only use my hands to pump his length a few times, before I put them behind my back where he likes them. His hands find my hair, pulling tightly which only spurs me on

“Oh yeah” his hips push him further into my mouth “You are so good at this” I suck the length of his cock, taking him deep into my throat, he starts to move faster & I know it won’t be long “I’m coming” he alerts me so I have time to pull away if I want to, I keep going, sucking his cock harder till his spurts his semen into my mouth, “Jesus… Fuck…” his palms flatten on my hair as he releases me. Licking my lips, I kiss his inner thighs as he straightens up to kneeling position, I stand back up, he immediately kisses my nipples, his hands push my g string down, allowing gravity to do most of the work, he pulls me in closer but doesn’t lay me down, his fingers find my wet centre, he looks pleased at how wet I am for him. As his fingers enter me, I arch my back, his mouth finds my nipples, his thumb gently circles my clit, I know he is going to make me come standing up without support, I know he will catch me, he pulls one of my legs up to edge of the bed, it gives him easier access to my clit, I rest my hands on his shoulders as his fingers toy with me & his mouth assaults my nipples.

“Conner I can’t stand for this” I groan, I can’t move either, I am coming already

“Yes you can baby” he increases his speed “you feel so good” his words always make the difference, I am coming quickly, his arm grabs me around the waist as my knee buckles as I come, I shout out a garbled version of Conner’s name, as he leans back onto his heels again, pulling me onto his lap. His cock fills me as I kneel on him, his lips kiss my neck, finding my mouth he kisses me as I come down from my orgasm. As I feel the pulses slow, Conner picks me up & places me so I am lying on the edge of the bed, he is standing, still inside me, he has my feet up in the air by his shoulders, he holding my ankles tightly as he starts to pull in & out of me, the speed & force is pushing me up the bed, but he holds my ankles tightly, his slapping against me

“Touch your breasts” I open my eyes & look at him is he serious? “Go on, pretend your hands are mine” I do as he asks, I run my hands all over my breasts, tweaking my nipples till they are standing up stiff, I then flatten my palms & rub my fingers gently over them but now I am matching Conner’s rhythm over the top of my nipples ever so slightly “that’s it baby, do to them, what I can’t” he gestures to his hands on my ankles, “Soft & fast” I speed up as Conner thrusts harder, then I tweak each nipple & come hard squeezing tightly around his cock, I scream out not able to say any words, Conner thrusts only a few more times before he fills me shouting out my name & an expletive too. As his cock twitches inside me, he lets me legs fall & he lies flat on me, as his standing he only reaches my nipples which he takes in in his mouth, my body shudders & I feel his cock flitch again. Our breathing comes back to normal Conner is looking a little pissed off

“What’s wrong?” I ask & he huffs

“You noticed?”

“Of course I have, spill it before I think it’s me?”

“Baby, it’s never you” he pauses “We got engaged tonight, I wanted to make love to you, not fuck you with your legs in the air” I crack up laughing, his lips break into a sideways grin “Are you going to be angry at me for being angry at something I shouldn’t be angry at?” He chuckles, pulling his cock out of me

“Yes” I run my hand through his hair “We always make love Conner, just because it’s a little rougher, which I like remember, doesn’t mean it’s not love.” I pull him in to kiss me, “We have intimacy, we love each other, that is more important to me than slow sweet sex,” I grin at him “Besides…. I like it with my legs in the air” he pulls me tight against him

“Fuck I love you” I smile


I wake up in the middle of the night, Conner has the laptop on his lap, he is still naked, as am I and I am lying on my stomach wondering if Conner has been to sleep yet & how long I have been out for

“I didn’t wake you did I?” I lifted my head to peer around to see what he is working on so late. It is the invites, I smile

“No Dimples” I kiss his leg, because I didn’t feel strong enough to move “Do you want to show me?” he turns the computer towards me, I swear in the glow of the laptop I can see he is blushing. He’s made an engagement invite using a collage of photos of us, some of the photos I don’t even remember being taken but in all of them we are smiling or kissing, some a stupid selfies we took at sporting events or concerts we’d been too. He’d written over the top in bold black writing ‘Join us celebrating how happy we are now that we have each other at our engagement party’ a tear wells in my eyes.

“Is it too lame?” I scramble to sit up on my knees as close to his leg as I can

“Not lame at all, I love it” I throw my arms around his neck & kiss him deeply, when I pull away I have tears flowing down my cheeks “So much better than a stupid Facebook invite!” he laughs, wiping my tear

“So I can order them?” I nod snuggling into his nook, he puts his arm around me & turns the computer back to him to finish the order, he doesn’t look at how much they cost, ordering envelopes to match, I am so blissfully happy that I don’t care either. I notice he has another google tab open, the title is ‘Carrick Hill’ I smile but don’t want to embarrass him so I just hug him tighter & notice his cock starting to stand to attention between him & the laptop. My hand resting on his chest slides down to grasp it, he moans, I run my hand up & down the length of it, making him harder, he pushes the laptop down his legs, he entwines his fingers in each other & they find the back of his head as he throws it back in the pillows & leather headboard, this spurs me on, I pump his cock hard, giving it a squeeze “Shit Kristie” I spread the moisture from his tip down his shaft, I sit up a little so I can use both hands, the other hand cupping his balls & tugging on them gently, he sucks in a deep breath, as I know he close already, I lean down & take him in my mouth, it surprises him as his head is tilted back & he can’t see what I am doing, he groans louder “I’m coming” he doesn’t given me much warning before I am swallowing his hot liquid, I pump a few more times to take his orgasm further, he shudders & his hands fall down to his sides, he lifts his head as I come up from his cock too “I’m glad I get you forever” I giggle licking his come from my lips, I lean into kiss him. He moves quickly, pushing me backwards on the bed, pinning me down kissing every inch of my neck, his fingers enter me & he feels me flinch “Are you too sore baby? I want to repay the favour” he kisses my nose, he doesn’t move his fingers around, I pull his hand out from between my legs, wincing slightly as his fingers leave me, I am so horny & wet still but I am sore & don’t know if I can take it there, I roll over instead & lift my hips in the air so Conner gets the idea “Are you sure?” he asks as I nod

“I want you to have me every way possible”

“You have to tell me if it’s too much” I nod again. He positions himself behind me, my legs on either side of his knees, he lifts my hips higher so I am more exposed. His hand comes between my legs spreading the moisture around to my other opening, he caresses my butt cheek with the other hand. He spends a lot of time lubricating me & pays special attention to my clit, I know I need to relax, I take a deep breath & enjoy what he is doing, he slips his thumb in & out of my back opening, I didn’t even expect it but I come loudly & quickly, instantly Conner rubs the new moisture around again, he slides his cock between my legs, he pumps back & forth, lubricating himself on me, it feels so amazing as I am still coming down from my orgasm “We can stop at any time baby, just tell me” he’s still rocking his length back & forth on my folds

“Just go slow” I dig my forearms into the mattress to give me support, he withdraws his cock from rubbing my outer lips & his hand does a final sweep taking as much moisture as he can before he rests the tip of his cock at that entrance

“Anytime, just say stop” his hands rest on my hips holding me steady, he pushes inside me ever so slightly, I moan, it feels weird, but also really good “Is that ok?” I nod, unable to speak, he pushes in a little further, I let out another moan, it hurts a little but it still feels good, “Last little bit baby, how does it feel?”

“Weird… Amazing…” he pushes in the last bit until I feel his hips against my cheeks. I feel like he doesn’t even need to move to make me come, I am already building with his cock filling me so full, he pulls out a tiny bit & pushes back in, he lets out a sigh, I know this feels good for him. It doesn’t hurt like I thought it would & it is so erotic, I thought it would be gross.

“Sit back against me baby” he pulls me up so I am sitting on his lap “I don’t want to hurt you, you go as fast as you want” I link my hands behind his head, his hands grip my breasts as they push forward, tugging on my nipples, I lift up off him & down ever so slowly, still getting used to this foreign feeling, “Does that feel good?” he kisses my neck, rubbing my nipples with his flat fingers, I can only moan in appreciation of how amazing this feels “This feels incredible Kristie, I’m not going to last long” one of his hands heads down my body & assaults my clit, it spurs my rhythm faster, it hurts a little but it doesn’t seem to matter once my body starts building towards another orgasm

“I’m going to come Conner…” I push up & down only a few times, his hand speeds up on my clit, his fingers tweak my nipple & I am coming hard, I cry out loud, my eyes go blurry, I hands go weak, I am limp on his lap. Conner grabs my hips & steady’s me for his own release, he gently keeps my rhythm & thrusts before coming loudly in my ear, he fills my back passage & it feels strange but that was one of the best orgasms of my life. He doesn’t stay in me like he usually does till our breathing slows, he gently pulls out of me carefully, I basically pass out, falling on the bed, Conner lays gently next to me, caressing my skin

“Wow Kristie that was…” he kisses my lips “… Mind blowing” & I fall asleep, completely & thoroughly fucked.


Fiction : Fleaz #15 & #16

 “My mother died giving birth to me, there was a haemorrhage & they couldn’t save her” he pauses letting that sink in “My father never forgave me for it, his last words to me were ‘you’ll never be good enough for anyone Conner’ then he killed himself in front of me” HolyFuckingShit! He pauses for an even longer time, just looking at the wall as he remembers it all, I don’t even know what to say or if I should say anything but he starts talking again “His words have plagued me all these years, I’ve been in therapy before but nothing fucking helps, everyone I ever loved left me a shell of a man. All I ever wanted was my father to love me just a fraction of how much he loved my sister & mother, but I was the accidental pregnancy that killed her, he hated me so much & he never let me forget it.” He pauses again recalling the memories, my heart goes out to him, he is so angry, pacing back & forth “My sister hasn’t spoken to me since his funeral when she said ‘now I have no parents thanks to you’ & what could I say to that? It’s fucking true.” He shrugs

“Conner you aren’t responsible for your father’s death.” I say carefully because I don’t want him to stop talking but I feel I need to say something reassuring

“I know I’m not the one who pulled the trigger, but I am the reason why it was pulled.” He sits down next to me

“How old were you?” I whisper

“Just seven” I reach out & brush my hand over his, he snaps it away “I don’t need your fucking pity”

 “It’s not pity, I’m showing you how much I care” He’s silent as if he’s finally realising that I do care for him, he scrapes his fingers through his hair “What happened to you both?” I ask, wanting to hear more.

“My sister is 5 years older she went to live with my grandma, I was put into state foster care & moved from place to place until I left at 16.” Jeez this is worse than I expected. I don’t even know what to say & now I am so reluctant to touch him, I thought he was fucked up because some girl hurt him, not a major family tragedy. “I loved my mother, even though I didn’t know her, I did love her, my father would tell me & my sister how wonderful she was & all the things she did. She sounded like a person I would want to be. But my father reminded me every day that I was an accident & he wished my mother had an abortion.” I take a sharp intake of breath, that is a fucked up thing to tell a seven year old. “Sometimes I wish she had” He pauses “I loved both my sister & dad too but neither would love me because of what I took from them, they resented my presence every day. They were never physically abusive, I almost wish they were because I think that would have been easier to recover from” He pauses, carefully choosing his words “I vowed that I would never become a father” That explains why he‘d never had sex without a condom before.

“Why didn’t you live with your grandma?”

“She didn’t want me either, I killed her daughter” he scoffs, I feel sorry for this poor boy, he didn’t do anything but survive & yet he was cast aside from all his family members, I shake my head. He continues “After I left foster care, I lived on the streets, in rescue centres, where ever I could. I fell into drinking & drugs easily but I am thankful that I never got as messed up as some of the people I used to know, I was lucky to find a stable home at 18” He sighs, I’m thankful he was able to pull himself out of the scene “I had a series of girlfriends, some who I thought I loved & loved me, but every single one of them cheated on me. I know that seems like nothing, but after a loveless childhood, I craved love from a woman & I’ve never fucking got it. I swore never to love anyone ever again, I promised not to let anyone close enough to hurt me” He looks up at me, his hand brushes my cheek, “but then you came along” He smiles “You changed everything” he wipes the tear from my eye “Please don’t cry, I know I fucked up with you, I don’t deserve a second chance, but I know that you’re my happily ever after” More tears slide down my cheeks, he wipes them as quickly as they fall, looking deep into my eyes

“Conner you had me at ‘are you having a good night’!” he laughs, I sniff loudly trying to control my emotions. He holds my hand, not tearing his eyes away from mine

“I love you Kristie Mary Callan” My heart melts “I fought it for so long because of my past & I hurt you in the process but I want to make it right, if you’ll let me?” I reach out to hug him, he responds by gripping me tightly

“I didn’t handle things well either” I pull back to look him in the eyes, speaking slowly emphasising each word so he really hears them “I love you Conner” We hug for what seems like eternity, I never want to let him go.

“I really want to make love to you Kristie.” OMG! I stand up, taking his hand & leading him to my bedroom. We stand there staring at each other, I start unbuttoning his shirt, one slow button at a time, Conner’s eyes are burning with desire, his hands caresses my butt, he flicks the band of his boxers

“These are my favourites, I can’t believe you stole them.” He chuckles as I finish the last button, running my palms up his ripped chest, I run my hands over his nipples, he groans & I push his shirt of his shoulders. My hands runs back up his muscly arms, across his shoulders, down his chest to rub his nipples again, before stopping to undo his belt, I push his pants down far enough to allow gravity to take them all the way down, Conner steps out of his shoes & pants, eyeing me greedily. He swiftly tugs on the bottom of his t shirt pulling it over my head, we’re standing there in only matching boxers, both his hands circle my breasts

“Hmmm, I’ve missed these.” He smiles, I am not shy or blushing, I know he means it, Conner loves me. I moan in appreciation for what he is doing to me, his hand slide down my side, swiftly removing my boxers, letting them fall to the floor. His hand comes between my legs, gently moving his fingers around to see how wet I am “I’ve missed this too” I part my legs slightly to give him more room to move, I slip my hands into the band of his boxers & push them down, grabbing his cock in my hand, gently giving it a squeeze

“& I’ve missed this!” He laughs, bending down to kiss me while his fingers still probe me, I push him back so he sits on the edge of my bed, his hands come to my waist as I sit on his lap to straddle him, my wrists resting on his shoulders, with my legs further apart, Conner takes the opportunity to insert two fingers inside me, his mouth coming down to find my nipple, he bites gently & elongates it as he tugs on it, I moan loudly

“Do you like that baby?” I can only make an incomprehensible Hmmm noise, he laughs, moving his lips to assault my other nipple.

“I want you inside me.” I lift my hips up, with Conner’s help he lowers me so slowly onto his long hard cock. We sit there nose to nose, connected at our most intimate part, not moving, without any friction, only him filling me & his gaze, I feel myself building towards an orgasm “This is going to make me come, if you don’t move” he laughs his hands still holding my hips down on his cock

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” His words so sexy, oh this is heaven but it’s also hell, my hands find the back of his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, maybe that will get him moving, he doesn’t move or let go of my hips, he breaks the kiss, moving his mouth back to my breasts he kisses them so softly, licking them with just the tip of his tongue, I can barely feel it but it is enough as I arch my back to push them up into his mouth, I am panting so hard, these soft touches to my nipples, his cock twitching ever so slightly inside me, being unable to move, I am so close to coming & yet nothing has really even happened yet.

“Oh My God… Conner… How do you…do…” I can’t get any more words out, I am clenching around him “Fuck…” I scream as I orgasm, he releases his hold on my hips & they gyrate with my orgasm, he guides them, lifting me up & down, Conner has me constantly screaming with pleasure as he bucks me on & off his cock finding his release quickly, his mouth kissing me where ever he can, my neck, collar bone even my arm, as he looks at me with love in his eyes, I can’t look away, even though my eyes are blurry with the longest orgasm of my life

“Oh Kristie, you amaze me, fuck…” He comes inside me, tickling my skin all over as he tries to regulate his breathing. I rest my head on his shoulder, I can barely move “Are you ok baby?” That was so incredible, I can’t reply. He laughs, taking me in his arms to move me to lie down on the bed “I love you.” He kisses my nose.

It’s after 4:00am when I wake up boiling hot, wrapped in Conner’s limbs, I am so content, that was amazing, not only did I have the best sex of my life, Conner told me he loved me & why he has so many issues. It was the perfect night, he opened up to me & finally let me in, we’re no longer building a relationship on a house of cards that will come tumbling down, we are both open & in love, that was the perfect way to start our new chapter. I wriggle out of Conner’s hold & grab a glass of water, standing in the kitchen, naked, with only the glow of the open fridge, I am startled when Conner wraps his arms around me, kissing my neck, his hands find their way to my breasts. I instantly feel his cock firm up against my rear

“Want something a little rougher?” he asks into my neck, serious & sexily, I am so turned on, I moan ‘yes’, one of his hands parts my legs, rubbing the wetness from our previous love making around, as I groan, he moves me forward to the kitchen table, taking his hand away from the front “Move that chair out of the way.” I obey “lie flat on the table & hold onto the edge” I do as I’m told, liking his commanding tone, the table is a freezing contrast to my hot skin, it feels incredible “I want to fuck you hard & fast from behind, don’t let go, ok?” his hand tickles my spine, as he waits for my response, I can only nod already panting, wanting him inside me. His hands come to hold my hips as I brace myself for his first thrust, he doesn’t move right away, what is he doing? I twist my head as much as I can to see, he’s just looking at me

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking at how fucking amazing you look like this.” His hand moves between my legs to move the wetness again, this time across both my entrances oh my god, is he going to fuck me there?! As if sensing my thoughts,“Don’t worry Kristie, not tonight” I hear a smile in his voice “but one day I’d like to fuck your hot ass if you want me too?”

“May… be…” I stutter & he chuckles

“We’ll work on it babe, but for now, brace yourself.” His hands find my hips to hold me steady & he thrusts into me, hard! Again & again, his rhythm is relentless, his hips make a slapping noise as they smack against my butt “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m so close Conner, faster” He chuckles, pounding a little harder & faster, his thumb finds my other entrance & he slips it in slowing, pulling it in & out matching his cock’s rhythm “God… Ohhhh…” I come without further warning, Conner thrusts twice more, coming himself through gritted teeth

“Kris…tie… Arggghhh” He lies flat on my back, regaining our normal breathing, when I realise we are on my kitchen table. I giggle. “What?”

“I have to eat off this table” He laughs, standing up straight, he helps me back up too & pulls me into his arms

“Sorry baby, I just couldn’t make it back to the bedroom” I laugh, he looks me directly in the eyes, reaching down to pinch my ass “I meant what I said about fucking your hot ass, I want to have you every way possible.”

“I’ve never…” My voice trails off

“Me either, but if you want to try it, I’d be happy to help out.” He winks, of course he would. Our first night back together & we’re discussing anal sex, who would have thought this is how this night would end!

“It felt good… with your finger… I might like it…” He’s smiling, bending to kiss my nose

“I love it when you tell me what you like, don’t be shy”

“I like everything we do.”

“I like to hear specifics.” He grins cheekily at me, I feel brave

“I like a good hard fucking on my kitchen table” he chuckles, nuzzling my neck “I like it when you pin me down, lick behind my ear…” he licks behind my ear for effect, I shudder

“Hmmm, we need to go to bed & sleep before I fuck you again & you can’t walk tomorrow. I’m looking forward to making love to you in the morning, your favourite, morning sex, if I recall?” he pulls me back to the bedroom, as we get into bed, he pulls me close to him spooning my back “I think you should wake me up just as I’m about to come” I brazenly suggest before closing my eyes.

Fleaz #16

I wake up to Conner following through on my suggestion, I’m lying flat on my back, he has my knees spread wide, he’s holding them down with his hands, his tongue tickling me ever so slightly on my clit. I don’t know how long he’s been at it, but I am so close. I raise my arms to grab the top of the leather head board, I can’t move my knees, which is so annoying but so hot, it really intensifies his actions

“Hmmm… Ahhh…”

“Is this… what you… had in… mind?” He’s licking long luscious licks in the middle of his sentence

“Oh… Fuck… Yes…” I arch my back, not wanting to let go of the headboard, he sucks my clit, then laps at the rest, then returns to suck again, it feels amazing “I’m coming” I moan as he licks up & down faster, giving me a long sensual orgasm. As I go limp on the bed, he moves up my body kissing as he goes, he reaches my lips & kisses them

“See how good you taste… Hmmm” His cock slides into me easily, he is slow & tender, raising himself so he’s not too heavy on me, with a gap in between our bellies, I can see his cock moving in & out of me

“Look how hot we are” he tilts his head to see what I am looking at

“Oh fuck, I’m going to come if I watch that” he groans, I smile, stealing his line & licking behind his ear

“Either way, you are going to come… & come… & come…” & he does, he shouts out ‘Fuck’ but it’s an angry shout, rather than a ‘Fuck I just came’ kind of shout. He rests his head in my neck, when he comes up for air, he looks angry

“I’m sorry” I look at him perplexed

“What for?”

“That was a little quick, you didn’t come”

“Don’t be stupid, you just woke me up coming” he scoffs, it makes me angry “If we’re keeping count, you’ve made me come a lot more times than you have” He still scoffs again, like he’s just done the worst thing ever. He rolls off me & huffs, I have to laugh “Oh my god Conner, do not be angry about that, or I will get angry that you’re angry about something you shouldn’t be angry about” He laughs

“Does that even make sense” he rolls over to face me, smiling

“I like that I turn you on so much that you come quickly, it doesn’t have to be a long session every time”

“That was pretty hot looking at that, but you stole my line” He smiles “I see why you like behind your ear being kissed” he grins at me pulling me close “Let’s not get out of bed today baby.” I smile as he kisses me long & deep, like he’s never going to stop, I feel his cock growing again against me, my leg moves to rest on his hips, it prompts him to roll onto his back taking me with him, so I am straddling him “There is nothing hotter than you on top of me.” I rise up on my knees, his hands guiding me to lower myself on his cock. We come together quickly, Conner pulling me down on his chest as we’re coming back down from our orgasmic high.

“I love you so much” he tickles my skin, I shudder, it always feels so good when he does that while my skin is so sensitive from sex. “I didn’t know I could feel like this ever.” I kiss his chest

“Me either. You’re so sexy, funny, kind, sweet, smart, brave, amazing in bed…” he cuts me off, like it hurts him to hear how wonderful he is

“There is no better place in the world than here.” I laugh kissing him deeply.


I love it when I hear Conner call me his girlfriend, it makes me tingle inside. I wonder if it has the same effect of him when I introduce him as my boyfriend? Probably not! We are inseparable, staying at each other’s houses every night, even on week nights, which always seemed off limits before, we’d been living in coupled bliss for a few short weeks before Conner dropped a bombshell on me over dinner.

“Move in with me” I spit my wine across the restaurant table, covering Conner in my spit & a $40 bottle of wine “Jesus” he stands up half annoyed, half laughing, my face goes bright red as I choke out a verbal diarrhoea of sorry’s, trying to dab his shirt & face with my cloth napkin, the waiter scurries over to see what the fuss is about, Conner shoos her away “I’m ok” he shoos me away too, guiding me to sit back down in my chair opposite him, he chuckles “I wasn’t expecting you to spit on me when I asked you that”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say” I reply

“But what do you think though?” he plays with the beads of condensation on his beer glass “Do you want to move in with me?” he looks up nervously, I honestly hadn’t thought about it yet, I’d only really known Conner for about four months in total, two of those weeks we were broken up & for most of it we were just casual, could I live with him? Would he move to my place or would I move to his?

“I don’t think we should move into a place one of us already has” I say slowly, he lets out the breath that he was holding & looks relieved.

“I agree we can rent out our places & buy something together” Whatthefuck! Buy something together, I choke on my wine again. I put my glass firmly down & stare at him.

“Just like that hey?” I laugh

“Just like that” he leans forward giving me the biggest school boy grin “you are my happily ever after, I’m not letting you go again” I melt, agreeing to buy a house with him. Just like that! 


Conner called his friend John who is a realtor in the morning, to get him to come look at his house & tell him how much rent he’ll get, he’s also already started packing when I get up in the morning, he has boxes labelled ‘things to give away’ & ‘things to take’. Conner thinks it won’t take long to find a place we both like, but in the meantime he is packing up & moving into my house which is slightly bigger than his. We decided to give away our doubles, keeping whichever one is the better of the two, most of his kitchen stuff was crap & was being piled into the giveaway boxes.

Within a week, Conner had everything neatly stacked in my small spare room & was moving his clothes into my wardrobe. His house is rented out quickly, with one major obstacle out of our hands, we spent the weekends looking for a place together & at night Conner insisted on packing things at my house that we didn’t use much, ready for the move. I love how eager & organised he is, I wasn’t sure at first but his energy rubbing off on me & I can’t wait to live with him in a place we paid the mortgage together. Conner had the same realtor friend come out to assess my house so we could confirm with the bank that we would indeed be able to make the repayments on three houses. Jeez, what a big step, three mortgages! I didn’t really look into the financial side of it much, Conner took care of all that, sending our pay slips to the bank & organising the loans, I just signed when I needed to sign.

After two weeks of living in my house that was now full of packing boxes & little much else, I was starting to lose hope that we’d find something in our price range that we both like, in the area that we wanted. Conner never gave up, he looked at the websites & papers every day, even making calls to realtors in the suburb we wanted to buy in so that he could get a first look at houses before they were advertised.

“Baby I found us a place,” he shouts as he walks through the door “we have to leave in two minutes” he’s walked into the bedroom striping off his high visibility work shirt, boots & pants “because it’s not on the market yet & the realtor is waiting for us there now” He kisses me quickly, changing his clothes, usually he showers as soon as he gets home but tonight he is excited & doesn’t have time.

The drive to the house is tense, Conner is beating the steering wheel with his still grubby hands from work, to the beat of the music, convinced that this is the place. We pull up outside & my breath catches, he is right, this is the place!

It’s a modern two storey house, but it has quaint features that make it look a little retro too. The realtor meets us at the front gate & walks us through the house, it’s love at first sight for me, but I don’t think this is in our price range, we have a tight budget because we want to keep our other houses, but I realise how much I want this house & this life with Conner when I think ‘I’d be willing to sell my house in order to buy this.’

When the realtor finally leaves us alone, Conner is the first to talk

“I want it” I laugh

“Me too” He smiles hugging me tightly “but is this out of our price range?”

“All good baby, do you want to put an offer in?” I nod eagerly, of course I do, five bedrooms, two bathrooms, swimming pool, the main bedroom has two balcony’s, one overlooking the pool & the other overlooking the hills where the house faces. This is my dream home, with my dream guy!

Conner puts in an offer & we wait to hear if we got the house or not which is so tense, I can’t concentrate on work, the realtor was going to ring Conner when he knew if the vendors would accept. I checked my phone 100 times to see if Conner sent me a text, finally it vibrates on my desk, I hold my breath

BF: Offer accepted! 😉 x

I had changed Conner’s name in my phone from Fuck Buddy to Boyfriend.

K: OMG! Best news ever, can’t wait to celebrate. Love you xxx

BF: Love you more x


Four weekends later, Conner & I were officially moved in to the dream house, which is what I had taken to calling it & my house was being rented out by a young couple, it seemed like everything was falling into place.

                       “Let’s get dressed up & go out to celebrate our new place now we’re finished unpacking” I laugh at him

“Aren’t we supposed to stay in to celebrate in the house?” he laughs, patting me on the ass “Be ready at 6:00pm, don’t be late!”



During my dating seriously for 2021, to be honest, it’s not going that great. Lameroo was a  waste of time, Engineer s has been chatting to me for ages & we’ve not caught up so I am starting to just hate chatting to new people, so I just keep chatting to him. He seems ok & has also done some work on himself with NLP – I think perhaps this is a guy that I could get a deeper connection with perhaps.

But I am always hoping that one of these guys could be the right guy, the guy to change my dating life. They aren’t going to change my whole  life because I don’t need a man to change me, I just want a partner to share my life with.

I chat to this guy for weeks, he works away & when he’s home, he has his 3 young kids. I always saw kids in my life, I just never pictured myself having them – so this doesn’t put me off even though he asks me about it & if I am ok with it.

I don’t remember what I wear on this date, I know I felt good & was excited for this date… after the previous date with Lameroo, I am confident that this date will be better – I mean nothing can be worse that that date?!

On the date with Engineer, it’s nice, we’re sitting there talking comfortably & it’s easy. The bar tender walks around saying last drinks & I remember feeling a little disappointed that this date will end, when the conversation is flowing that well, it’s rare. He’s making a lot of eye contact & shifting closer in his seat – I think he’s interested in me too…

A huge group of people walk in to the bar & order drinks, so Engineer asks if I want another & he goes up to pay for another drink… As he sits down, he sits a lot closer & I start to relax into the date even more, opening up & talking, seeing that he is actively interested in me. I don’t pick up on this vibe very often – I’m sure it’s happened before while on a date but I’ve not noticed it because I’m always waiting for them to ghost me. This feels a little different. I don’t get the vibe this guy will dick me around… He’s obviously interested, he’s buying drinks, moving close, wanting to stay longer. Even though the bar tender called last drinks before we got our second drink, we’re now on our third, sitting chatting & having a great time.

Finally the bar tender comes around again saying last drinks, which we make a joke with him about & he says definitely last drinks, which we laugh at but I think that we both know the night is coming to a close…

As the date draws to a close, we go outside, remember it’s winter so it’s freezing, he walks me to my car & I start the awkwardly before I lean in to kiss him goodbye which he turns & catches my kiss on the cheek with his mouth & we lock. The kiss is good. More than good… He kisses well & makes me feel – I don’t know – but like I might kiss this boy again, not something I again think before the first kiss is over.

He pulls back & says “I could kiss you forever” I swoon over his words & kiss him more deeply, smiling to myself, he doesn’t ask me to come home with him & he doesn’t ask if he can come home with me, nor do I offer, however when we part ways, I feel confident & excited where this could lead. For the first time ever (I think) I sort of expect the message before I go to bed telling me what a wonderful time he had. When I fall asleep still waiting, I think perhaps he doesn’t want to see too keen so I try not to think too much of it.

The next day while talking to J-Lo about it, I say that I don’t like to message first because I need to know that they like me or are interested in me, when J-Lo tells me that he thinks that maybe Engineer is thinking the same & that’s why he won’t write to me? Well the same thing was true of Noodle. So before I go to bed, I decide to message just to ask how his day was. Ages later I get a reply saying he was busy & had a busy day. He goes on to say that he had a great time with me last night but he doesn’t want to persue anything further with me. I laugh because apparently this is a joke, which I ask him if it is & he says no. He thinks I am great but he doesn’t see a future with me. I could say a lot worse but I say that he shouldn’t have said to me that he could kiss me forever if that wasn’t true but he says that it is true, he could kiss me forever but he doesn’t see a future with me. Seriously what the fuck.

Anyway another one bites the dust… I don’t know what happened here, I wasn’t in love with the guy but again I would’ve have had another date or two & see if the chemistry built… I mean I can’t say that he was just looking for sex, because he didn’t ask. So I have no idea what this guys deal was…

Now that my intuition is fucking me over, which used to always be 100% spot on – if I trusted it-  I think it’s time to be done with dating, right?!


Fiction : Fleaz #14

He looks as sexy as ever, as I knew he would, in a black tuxedo, his hair in its usual disarray state that I wonder if he’s even brushed it. He’s standing with two other men who are talking across him, he’s pretending to listen, without taking his eyes off me, he smiles & lifts his beer glass in a cheers gesture. I cannot move but I cannot tear my eyes away from him, has it really only been two weeks since I last saw him? I remember the fight that ended our arrangement, when he told me to stop loving him. My heart constricts in my chest & I know I am still in love with the man capturing my attention. He doesn’t love you back though Callan!

Kyle interrupts my interlude with him, I break eye contact trying turn my attention to Kyle & give him a smile, he puts his hand on my lower back, something He used to do, Don’t start with that! Kyle leads me to another group of people

“Are you ok?” he leans in to whisper in my ear

“I’m fine, I just have to go to the bathroom” Coward!

“Hurry back” He winks & I scurry off to find the bathroom. What is Fleaz doing here? I don’t know if I can stay here in the same room as him, there is so much unfinished business, I haven’t even told Kyle about him at all. Maybe you should fake a tummy ache, but I know Kyle would rush me home & take care of me, I can’t do that to him, this is his night I just have to get a grip, I will just ignore him & if he comes to talk to me, I will just make an excuse about getting a drink or going to the toilet & just avoid him all night. I dab my face & neck with water, it has the effect I needed, refreshing me, I take a deep breath & pull the bathroom door open, I freeze with the green piercing gaze starting back at me

“Hello Kristie” his deep voice more sensual than I remember, he’s leaning against the wall, exactly like he did that first night in the bar, tonight in the tuxedo he looks even sexier, I’ve never seen him in a tuxedo before. His smell is still intoxicating a mixture of his aftershave Le Male & himself, it makes me instantly wet. I want to hug him, I want to kiss his lips, I want him to fuck me right here in the hallway, my body is already responding to him. I try to shake those thoughts & remain impassive.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is icy, it surprises me because I feel anything but icy, I feel hot & bothered immediately when He is this close to me.

“This is my work function, what are you doing here?” he quips, I try to walk off but much like that night in the bar he blocks my path with his arm “Is that your boyfriend out there?” his hand reaches my wrist & lifts my arm with the corsage on it, he eyes it suspiciously. It embarrasses me as he looks at the ridiculous flowers tied to my wrist, I snatch my hand away taking the stupid thing off & look at the arrangement so carefully put together, that I now am humiliated by

“What? I snap, trying to pass again but he blocks the way, it’s a bit premature to call Kyle my boyfriend, he has been persistent for a while, but I never felt anything for him, he asked if I could come to this work function with him & I had just said yes, I don’t think Kyle will ever be my boyfriend but I don’t want to make that declaration to Fleaz. Does he really think I have moved on that quickly?

“Do you love him?” Whatthefuck!

“That’s none of your fucking business” I know I don’t love Kyle, but I could, one day… maybe, the thought pangs me, I know I am still in love with this gorgeous man in front of me, making me hot & wet just by looking at me. He leans in closer to my face, my breath automatically increases, I hate myself for reacting this way with someone who told me to stop loving him only two weeks ago & now I have someone perfect who I feel like I am cheating on just by reacting to his presence

“You look so beautiful”

“Don’t” I whisper, he holds my gaze, his hand runs down my cheek, a shiver runs down my spine, one single touch turns me on more than anything Kyle has said or done to me ever. I loathe myself.

“I miss you” he whispers & I crack at his revelation, a tear slides down my cheek, so now my tear ducts decide to work! He wipes the tear away carefully, dropping his hand to my hip “I know you still feel something for me Kristie” he paused staring deep into my eyes “I can feel it” he is so close to my face, I feel his breath on my cheeks, I feel like he is going to kiss me. I lick my lips instinctively & hate myself for it immediately.

“I was never the problem” I snap, he chuckles bowing his head briefly, closing his eyes as if he knew I would say something like that

“Meet me for coffee tomorrow” I hesitate, can I meet him for coffee? Get sucked back in? “Please, I promise I’ll explain everything” he drops his arm from the wall, I see Kyle standing out of earshot, but his glare intent. Fuck! Fleaz follows my stare & sees Kyle, “Tomorrow then?” I nod, he smiles, bending down to kiss me on the cheek, time stands still as I know Kyle is watching & I am pressed up against a wall. He smiles again before he walks back to the party, nodding at Kyle as he walks past hime. Shit, why did I agree to meet him? Kyle approaches me carefully

“I came to make you sure you were alright, who was that?”

“No one” I pause hating myself for what I am about to say & do “Kyle I’m not feeling well, I’m going to go home.”

“I’ll come with you”

“No it’s ok, I want you to stay & network. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He tries to give me $20 for the taxi home. He is so sweet that I really hate myself as I give him a pathetic peck on the cheek as I jump in the taxi. What are you doing Kristie?  I wish I knew.

My phone beeping several times, jolts me from my stare, lucky I haven’t had to give directions to the driver, I look at my phone with trepidation, I don’t want it to be Kyle but I know that it’s unlikely to be Fleaz, but when I see the name, shit he’s still saved in my phone as Fuck Buddy! His sexy sleeping photo pops up too, my breath hitches, what does he want?

FB: You are the most gorgeous woman in the room x

I can’t stop staring at the text, he is dragging me back in already. This is not a good idea! That’s what I said last time. The second text is from Kyle

K: Hope you feel better, let me know when you get home safe xoxo

I throw my head back in the taxi, I feel like I’m the biggest bitch on the planet, stringing Kyle along like other guys have done to me, but my heart… I can’t deny the feeling in my heart. I can’t rely on Fleaz but I can’t lead on Kyle. This is why I had decided not to date anymore, I can’t take this bullshit, I don’t know what the right thing is & I may never know. Do you follow your heart or your head?

I walk in my front door kicking off my high heels at the door, I undo my dress & step out of it up the hallway, letting it fall on the floor where it slips off, I flop onto my bed crying. I’m not really sure why I’m crying, maybe because you haven’t cried at all in the last two weeks? I know what I have to do, it’s kind of a relief that my tears are flowing, I feel like it’s lifting a weight of my shoulders. I don’t know what Fleaz wants to tell me, I don’t know if I can start things up with him again, but I know that until I am over this thing with Fleaz, I can’t keep leading Kyle on, the worst past is, I am doing to Kyle what so many guys have done to feel & I feel terrible.

K: I am home & in bed, talk to you later.

K: Wish I was there, night babe xoxo

I start crying again, he is the sweetest guy, but I don’t feel attracted to him at all, I just have to let him know that it’ll never happen between us & that I am still in love with someone else Honesty is the best way. I hate that I am intrigued with what Fleaz has to tell me though, I can’t help but think what a stupid idiot I am being for even considering meeting with him, but without even thinking, I coldly reply to him

K: Meet me at Coffee Club @ 2pm.

FB: Did you leave?

K: Yes.

FB: Why? Your boyfriend is still here. Why didn’t that prick take you home?

K: He’s not a prick & he’s not my boyfriend.

I put my phone down & head straight for the shower, I need to do something to take my mind off this whole day. As I’m dressing in my standard stolen pyjamas, Fleaz’ Fresh Jive T shirt & Diesel boxer briefs, there is a knock at my front door. I groan, I told Kyle I would talk to him tomorrow, I go to the door angrily not wanting to deal with this now

“Is he really not your boyfriend?” Fleaz’ face is pained as he stands there with his bowtie undone, the top button of his shirt is open & it’s half untucked, his hand in one pocket, his other hand leaning on my front door, looking sexy as hell, he looks me up & down, his face breaks into a huge smile “I wondered what happened to those” talking about his stolen clothes, I pull at the hem of the shirt, blushing. He steps a foot in my door, I can’t believe he is here, I can’t move, he grabs my face, pushing me back against the wall, he kicks the door shut, his hips pin me to the wall, I am panting already, his effect of me is intense, he is inches from my face, I can feel his is hard “Is he your boyfriend or not Kristie?” His tone is forceful

“No, he’s not”

“Thank fuck for that” he says breathily as his lips crush mine, he kisses me in a long passionate kiss, our tongues lapping at each other’s mouths, the kiss leaves me breathless when he finally pulls away “I wanted to do that as soon as I saw you tonight at the party, but when I saw you with him, I thought I’d really lost you” His thumb caresses my cheek “Have I lost you Kristie?” I take a deep breath Has he lost me? I still love him but I can’t live with the crappy relationship he can offer me, I want more, so much more.

“I meant what I said but you won’t give me what I need.”

“What if I can?” I break free of his hold & walk into the lounge room, I play with my loose hair nervously

“I don’t know if you can do that.”

“I can… I want to…” He takes a deep breath, looking at his feet “I need too Kristie, I can’t lose you.” I sit on the couch, extending my arm for him to sit next to me.

“Ok, I’m listening, what is it that you have to tell me?” Indicating he needs to tell me why he says he can’t be my boyfriend, why he can only offer me a half arsed relationship.

He takes off his tux jacket & puts it on the coat hook, he comes over to the couch, he isn’t sure if he wants to sit or not. He runs his fingers through his hair, he looks like he’s in pain, I desperately want to hug him to comfort him, but I must remain strong. He has to tell me what is so wrong with him that he can’t commit & I really need to hear that he loves me. I was in a relationship for 3 years & Dominic never said it to me, I have never really recovered from that, since then I haven’t really had a real relationship, I am starting to think I am unlovable. If Fleaz is willing to fight for me & doesn’t want to lose me, I need some reassurance. He paces the room, looking for the right words, I sit patiently, just wishing he would start, can it really be that bad?


Fiction : Fleaz #13

I call in sick on Monday because I just can’t face people asking me how my weekend was. It seemed childish but I knew I couldn’t face people today, especially since they didn’t even know I was seeing someone, some close colleagues suspected since I was always whispering with Sophie.

I lie in bed in a ball most of the day, wearing his clothes, which still smell like him, trying to cry, my tear ducts won’t obey me. They remain out of action & I just feel like I need a good cry to be able to put this behind me. There is no feeling inside me beside emptiness, my tear ducts know it, my heart knows it… I am just a hollow shell.

I torture myself by continually looking at my phone, willing Fleaz to text me, I look at his contact picture that I took of him a few weeks ago while he was sleeping to replace the driving picture I took the first weekend, he looked so peaceful & devastatingly handsome, his blonde hair dishevelled from fucking me, his arm was above his head, his skin smooth with no worry lines, his dark tan from working outdoors, everything about him was sexy. I can’t bring myself to delete the photo or his number.

When I don’t hear from Fleaz, I am not surprised. I compose several texts to him to ask how he is… to apologise… to see if he wants to apologise… I really just want to see if he’ll respond, but I delete them all, I wonder if he’s doing the same thing. Probably not! I jump every time my phone make a noise, even when it’s my email tone, I pick up my phone wearily hoping that it is from him, willing it to be him, it won’t be from him! But I secretly hope it is. It’s Sophie, she’s the first to text wondering where I was when I didn’t show up for work. 

S: Are u ok sweets? Why aren’t u at work?

K: Great Aussie sick day, need to clear my head! 

S: What happened?

K: Nothing, don’t worry, I’ll be back tomorrow! 🙂 

S: Just fucking tell me! I loved Sophie directness, it was what we both like most about each other. I knew she would understand, I knew she wouldn’t judge but just saying or texting the words to someone would make it real

K: I ended things with Fleaz!

I had taken to referring to him as his disgusting nickname ‘Fleaz’ in the hope that it would help me get over him, with a nickname like that, he could only be bad news. It wasn’t helping but I just couldn’t bear to say his name.

S: WHAT? R u serious?  

K: I was in too deep, he wouldn’t swim with me so I got in a life raft & floated away. I cringed as I hit send, her texts came quickly 

S: U r fucking hilarious!

S: Wanna chat?

S: I’m so sorry BTW. That’s shit.

S: I wuv u! 

K: Nah, I just need to lie in bed all day. Thanks Soph, serves me right for getting involved with another loser!

S: Call me if u wanna chat!

K: Should have known better with a name like Fleaz! 

S: LOL. Mwah xoxo

K: Mwah xxx I really just wanted to lie in bed for the rest of my life & do nothing, not face anything, just forget there was a Fleaz.


When I finally make myself get up & shower, I am just going through the motions. I am not really with it, I remember this feeling from when Dominic & I broke up, however my tear ducts were overactive then, I cried at everything, now I still can’t even get a single tear to slide out. I drink copious amounts of alcohol, watch sad movies, romantic comedies, watch YouTube videos of soldiers coming home to their pets & new babies they haven’t met, I feel like I have listened to every sad song that I could think of & still no tears. What is wrong with me? Sophie says it’s because she thinks it’s not the end, but we both know that is a lie. That was the end & I am devastated, more so now that I was when Dominic & I broke up. How can that be right? Dominic & I went out for three years, it only took a few weeks to be more in love with Fleaz that I had been with anyone before. Why didn’t I fight harder for him? Why didn’t he fight harder for me?

I walk around in a complete daze for the next week, everyone at work keeps asking what is wrong, of course only Sophie knew about Fleaz so I took the easy road & just said I still wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t tell them I had fallen for an unavailable guy, who told me from that the beginning, but sent me mixed signals & then I ended things abruptly when I realised that I was in love with him. What a joke my life has become!

I’d only ever loved two men, one left me for no apparent reason until I actually found out later that he rekindled an old friendship & had left me for her. The second, not unlike the first, couldn’t commit & had no idea what he wanted. In my 20s I didn’t see it coming with Dominic, I mean he was my first boyfriend, attractive, older & he wanted me, plain old boring me! Even my aunty said to us, supposedly as a joke, that he was out of my league. In my 30s I should have known better with a guy like Fleaz, I should have read the signs better, I should have just stayed away from the ship wreck that I knew it would turn out to be. Why was I so desperate for a boyfriend that I kept going after emotionally unavailable men? I mean, Fleaz even told me from the beginning, it wasn’t like I should be blindsided like I was with all the others who claim to want a relationship only to screw you over in a few weeks.

My anthem became an old Avril Lavigne song that was hidden on her first CD ‘Why’, but it wasn’t making me feel any better, in fact listening to the lyrics just made me more depressed but somehow that felt like what I needed, maybe that would help me cry. I couldn’t imagine Fleaz sitting around listing to sappy songs & thinking about what he could have done to change the outcome of what happened between us, I bet he’s already moved on to the next girl. He didn’t love you so of course he has!

There is no way to stop myself thinking about him, as much as I try & forget about him, to stop thinking of his looks… his smell… his touch… his kiss… Stop it!

A week later & with no word from Fleaz, I had to stay strong & not text or call him. It took everything I had not to pick up my phone & just send a random text, maybe I could send something & pretend it wasn’t meant for him. I laughed at myself for even toying with the idea of doing something so childish. I had walked out with a very good reason, I had ended it, it had been my decision, and maybe he’s waiting for you to call!  I really need to stop that stupid thought process, he was not waiting for me to call. I distract myself by texting other friends just to stop myself from sending the saved text I had composed for Fleaz

K: Hi, it’s Kristie. Just thought I send a text & see how you are? Hope your well. Like a loser, I almost hit send so many times, but what is the point, what is he going to write back to that lame excuse for a text. My overthinking usually gets me into trouble & I have a habit of misreading every situation that I’m in, I usually dream up some romantic comedy scenario & then reality sets in & usually it’s just me sitting on the couch daydreaming! I pictured Fleaz reading my text & rushing to my front door or other scenario is him calling me immediately after reading it to say how much he missed me, was glad I text him & he finally was able to tell me that loved me. The reality would probably be Fleaz ignoring it, which would be even worse than if he texted back simply: Fuck off!


I needed a distraction, I needed something to stop from me over thinking & dreaming up these absolutely stupid never-going-to-happen scenarios. So when my friend Kyle who I’d known for years & fooled around with a few times years ago, but I never felt anything for, found out I was ‘single’ again he started texting, calling & facebooking incessantly, I couldn’t help but encourage the contact as the distraction I needed so much.

Kyle is the perfect guy on paper, he always tells me how much he likes me, anytime I am down he picks me up by telling me how gorgeous he thinks I am but for some reason I have never felt the ‘spark’ with him, even after we fooled around, which was my way of seeing if there where chemistry there. I hated myself for it, how much easier my life would be if I felt something for him. I had always kept him at an arm’s length because I didn’t want to be like all those guys that had stuffed me around & I didn’t want to do that to him, but the selfish side of me kept him around, dangling the carrot just so I wasn’t reminded that I was alone & Fleaz was moving on.

Kyle was exactly what I needed, a nice distraction but I felt like a bitch every time I texted him, every time I answered a Facebook message & I felt even worse when he asked me to go to him work function with him, I knew his feelings for me were more than mine for him. He denied it but I felt it, there was no way a man would be that persistent if they didn’t have feelings for someone. Stupidly as I had nothing to do & since it was a Saturday night, I agreed to go with Kylie, I had a new party dress that I hadn’t worn so I figured that I should catch up with him properly since he’d been asking me to catch up since before I started seeing Fleaz.

As I get ready for the party my thoughts automatically float to Fleaz, it’s been two weeks since I last saw him & I hadn’t heard from him at all. But I still imagine that I am going to his work party, I pretend that he is here with me while I am getting ready, he is sexy in a rented tux, he comes up behind me as I put my makeup on, zipping up my white cocktail dress for me, his hands brushing my naked back unnecessarily as he pulls up the zipper, it sends a shiver through my whole body, I would turn around to face him & we would lock eyes before he bent down to kiss me… softly, his hands stroking my bare arms… Stop it!

Kyle has hired a limo with some other work people, he picks me up at my house, he hands me a flower corsage & kisses my cheek, you are going straight to hell Kristie!  I’ve only ever been in a limo for my school formal so I feel like royalty but with this oversized corsage on my wrist, I do feel like I am back in high school. I didn’t even know that people still wore corsages, but when I get in the limo & see two other women wearing similar flower arrangements, I realise the guys either organised it or I am so starved for romance that I don’t even see it! Champagne is popped immediately & I down half my glass, I will need some alcohol to make myself feel better about coming to this with Kyle. I hope he doesn’t expect to hook up with me tonight!  

We arrive at the party, there is a red carpet type set up & when the driver opens the door for us, there are a few people dancing around outside like they are paparazzi. Kyle leads me inside with his hand on the middle of my back, I don’t feel the same electricity as I didn’t when Fleaz used to lead me around with his hand there.

Inside the hall is decked out with tables with glamorous decorations and dinning settings, this is a major party. Not at all what I was expecting, it is as elaborate as a wedding, over 10 tables, people everywhere, a dance floor & band set up

“Drinks?” Kyle asks & I nod. Yes I need more alcohol for this!

“Sav Blanc please” I smile as Kyle walks off to get us a drink

Work parties are always mundane, even more mundane when they aren’t your work party & worse when you don’t know anyone at all. Kyle is networking with people, I just walk around beside him, he introduces me to everyone and I play the part of the supportive date, making niceties with other girlfriends/wives who are just as bored as me. I down another wine, it seems to be the only way I can get through this night. As I stand quietly next to Kyle, who is talking to his male colleague who’s partner isn’t with him for me to make small talk with, suddenly I feel all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as I slowly turn around, searching the crowd, my eyes flicking around the room trying to find the source, I feel something & my heartbeat quickens when I lock eyes with him. I stop breathing, my tummy does a somersault, what the fuck is he doing here?


J-lo #2

Sorry about last week, I am really struggling to be inspired to write, which sucks. Something I loved doing is becoming a struggle. I will let you in on a little secret, by the end of 2021, the blog will be done! There are a few more stories I need to get out & some more fiction.

I have been reading my blog from the beginning & I have to say that it’s so funny how my writing style changed & my view point on things. Also my fiction, that is just hilarious to me now, I wrote that all before I was even messing around with kink & the chemistry I describe between the two main characters is that of what I felt with Noodle. I didn’t even know that would be a real feeling, but I hope that comes across if you’ve been reading the fiction story.

Anyway onto the blog for today, I’ll summarise because J-Lo #1 was so long ago. I will link to it so you can read also. I met J-Lo shortly after I started talking to Noodle the first time, we met online but never met, we talk every day. Even now 4 years later we still talk most days. He’s a good friend, someone I confide in, someone I overshare with – I often wondered why we aren’t together, he says he loves his partner, I was in love with Noodle, but I sometimes wonder if he could be the one to break that spell with Noodle…

The first time I ever meet J-Lo is after Noodle & I end for the second time. I can’t remember what was happening – things were mega shit at work, things were over with the love of my life, again, nothing was going right for me, so I don’t know exactly what shit was happening but I know I hadn’t showered for a few days (gross, I know but when you’re in a shitty place, sometimes you don’t take care of yourself) anyway these are thing things I share with J-Lo, stuff I never want to say out loud, I say to him things that I don’t think I could ever say out loud to someone, but I guess since we’ve never met I still have that level of protection.

So on this day I am unwashed, I am depressed, I am naked in a feral dressing gown – that is never my style of outfit for lounging around the house but here I am, we’re texting as we always do & J-lo has joked plenty of times about meeting, he knows where I live, he’s driven past before & because I’ve shown him pictures of my house he knows my house. So when I get a message saying “Knock knock” I just send back “hahahaha.” Not thinking anything I decide not to look at his next message & then I actually hear a knock at my door. I almost think I’m going to ignore it assuming that it’s some delivery so when I get a message from him saying “oi answer your door” I literally can’t believe that he has just rocked up, knowing I am unwashed & feeling like shit. But it’s fucking J-lo. Is he serious. My house is a fucking disaster, I have crap all over my couch from my recent online purchases & I haven’t cleaned in ages. This is the first time I am meeting this guy, a guy I’ve talked to for years, a guy who knows everything about what’s happened in my life & knows about my depressive state that I’m in.

He’s shorter than I pictured, even though he’s told me he’s short, it still catches me off guard, he’s about 5’6 or so, so not much taller than me, he’s cute, I will give him that, I know a lot about him & he knows a lot about me, so I’m surprised when he just comes in & sits down, knowing I am in my tragic dressing gown & I’m naked underneath.

I know he doesn’t want to cheat on his partner, while the idea seems great in theory, I know he will regret it. When he says that he’s surprised that I haven’t made a move, I am equally surprised that he doesn’t know me at all, I mean this is the first time we’ve met so I guess he hears the stories about me being sexy & confident, but I am really not. I am shy when I first meet men & I am never one to make a first move, I mean even with Noodle, I never really made a first move because when he walked in the door, we would not be able to keep our hands off one another. So I’ve never really had any experience making a move.

J-Lo is just as awkward, sitting there talking shit, then asking me to take my boob out… WTF. This is the most fucking awkward moment ever, I don’t want to, I know he doesn’t want to cheat & to be honest, I don’t want to be a mistress again – if a guys wants me, he needs to want me & only me not because his partner won’t fuck him… I guess I always felt if we met, we would both be single & we would meet for a proper date, I didn’t ever picture us meeting like this… This is not how I wanted it to go…

Against how I feel right now – I think perhaps this might make me feel better, when he says that he just wants to jerk off on me & I need to show him a boob, I do & he starts jerking off. I refuse to touch his dick… I end up getting a vibrator & let him jerk off over me as I writhe around squirming but knowing I am never going to cum, so I make some noises – lets be honest, I never fake it & I have no intensions of faking it but if I make some noises like I am enjoying this, he’ll cum & go. Which is exactly what happens. I clean up his cum from my stomach & he leaves, not even kissing me or hugging me. I hate myself instantly for allowing that to happen… Our conversation from that day forward is a little weird. I explain that I felt used & shit after our encounter & I make him work hard to keep the conversation going because I am in a shit place & don’t need to feel worse!

Months later I have had a friend & her 18 month old kid live with me & it’s not going well because of many reasons. Both of us aren’t working so we’re both home a lot – she keeps extending her maternity leave, she’s leaving her partner & while she owns 3 houses & has a job to return to, but she’s spending a lot of time trying to get money from centrelink. She’s not paying me rent – which I never asked for but she’s also not doing anything around the house, she tidied up the backyard & has helped when I got the puppies when they were small but her daughter keeps playing in their water bowl & so my friend takes the bowl away – so then my dogs don’t have fucking water… I always feel like I have to keep the dogs away from her & her daughter as one day I witness her daughter walk across my backyard with a fire poker & hit my dog with it… The 18 month old child isn’t told off at any point… That’s about the point I hate her living with me, I have puppies to train & I don’t need them scared of being hit.

Anyway things don’t get better & she moves out after 3 months, destroying over 20 years of friendship because she moves out like she is in a domestic violent situation with me, she gets a bunch of people to come over & get her stuff all in one day – where were these people when she needed a place to stay? She had sat down with  me a few nights before to discuss the difficulties but had already decided to leave so why not just leave without telling me that her uncle has said to her “no wonder she’s single. ”

I am devastated & sitting in my bedroom while my best friend moves her stuff out of my house when J-Lo says he’ll come over, but he stinks like a brewery. He had been calling me throughout the early hours of the morning when he was drunk & I was asleep. He says that he’ll come over & we can just cuddle – I don’t want to cuddle him. I know I will cry, I don’t want to cry. Things could not be more shit for me. I am fighting my ex employer, my best friend is talking to her uncle about me, then repeating his thoughts about how shit I am to live with – something I already feared, but have now had that voiced by a fucking uncle that doesn’t know me at all & while I am still regularly seeing Marvel, I don’t have him the way I want him nor does he talk to me like we used too…

So when J-Lo rocks up much to my protests, he walks in the door & hugs me & I instantly start crying, trying to hold it back – he doesn’t get it. This guy isn’t my partner, while he’s a friend, this is only the second time we’ve met & I don’t want to be sooked up by someone who isn’t going to be there for me. It made sense that day but now writing it down, it seems a bit stupid – I mean how is it any different to a girl friend coming over to console me. But anyway I didn’t want this, so when he suggests we lie down, I just want to hide my face & hide the fact that I am crying. I don’t let it all out, I can’t in front of someone else.

Of course we both know it won’t just be a cuddle, but I am not going to have sex with him, but he runs his hands all over me, it’s been a long time since someone just explored my body with their hands. He ends up turning me on enough that I let him go down on me, something his partner doesn’t do & as soon as I’ve cum, he doesn’t hang around long.

Again this causes our friendship to be more strained & it’s not what I need right now… The next & last time I see J-Lo we do have sex – I don’t really remember how or why it happens but afterwards he doesn’t speak to me for 2 days. After this sexual encounter which isn’t epic, it’s good but not off the charts, I tell him that I am never having sex with him again & I think he knows why. Again, I always thought that if I did anything sexual or met J-Lo it would be because he is single. That he wants to date me. But he constantly tells me how much he loves his partner & that he’s never going to leave her – not this old chestnut. I tell him that he should stay with his partner, that Marvel was right not to leave his wife for me, because apparently it’s no wonder I’m single…


Fiction : Fleaz #12

Conner is snoring beside me, when I wake up stiff, I am still on my stomach with my arms outreached, I try to move & it hurts, I’ve laid in this position too long & now I’m stiff. As I wince trying to roll over, Conner wakes up too.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, I just don’t normally sleep like that.” I start rubbing my arms but Conner takes over, his fingers working out the knots & stiffness easily. “Thanks” His hands skim to my breasts tweaking my nipples awakening my senses “Hmmm” his lips find my neck as his hand slides between my legs, I’m already wet, so his fingers slip in easily, they circulate the moisture around before he is on top of me, his cock filling me quickly & swiftly, he lays inside me still for a few moments, his lips kissing my neck softly, then he begins to move with force, we are coming together within a few thrusts

“Jesus Kristie, I can’t get enough of you” I giggle “Are you sore?”

“I’m getting used to your big cock” he laughs

“Big huh?”

“You know it is”

“It likes to hear it every now & again” I burst out laughing

“Does it really?” I laugh at his playfulness, I laugh at how easy such an intimate conversation is, I laugh at how stupid I am for getting involved, I feel myself being pulled deeper & deeper by the second & I know I will end up drowning. I roll away from him trying to distance myself

“Hey, where did you go?” he’s talking about my headspace. I roll back & kiss him hard & deep, I need to remind myself what this is, just sex. He pulls away not fooled “What is it?” I have to lie

“Just thinking I should get home” he pulls me in tighter

“Not yet” I sigh pulling away from him

“I really should go” I throw the covers back, sitting on the edge of the bed looking for something to cover me, he slides over on his stomach & kisses my leg, he looks in the distance not wanting to look at me, he sighs

“This is new for me Kristie” he says quietly “I didn’t lie when I said I don’t date, I am not boyfriend material, but this thing, with us…” he stops talking & looks at me “I don’t know what it is, but I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” I melt, stupidly! I lay back on the bed & Conner engulfs me, his body hard & heavy, he consumes me as he kisses me, he pins my hands above my head entering me slowly at first but building faster as I come hard around him, his release coming shortly after mine.  How am I ever going to get out of this alive?


Later we’re sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch I feel brave, but I am not really sure I want to hear Conner’s answers, but I have to ask, I have to know what the deal is with Conner, I’m now in my 30’s, I am not just looking for fun, I am not necessarily looking for a marriage proposal but I am looking for a partner & for someone to love me. I think I could love this man & I believe he could love me, but I look intently at my lunch taking a deep breath before I ask Conner the questions that could end up ending this relationship

“Why do you think you aren’t boyfriend material?” He sighs as if he knew it was coming & knows he has to answer me

“I just know I can’t be what you want” That’s not an answer!

“How do you know?”

“I just know”

“That’s insightful” I snap, he huffs at me

“I’m fucked up Kristie, you don’t want me as your boyfriend” He says quietly standing & taking his plate to the sink, “We need to keep things as they are.”

“I don’t even know where things are Conner, you’re hot & cold all the time, how is anyone supposed to be happy with that?”

“Am I?” He turns to look at me, genuinely surprised

“Yes, one minute you hold my hand while we’re out then next you won’t even look or talk to me”

“Well that’s who I am Kristie. I never promised hearts & flowers” I look down at my empty plate

 “I know” He looks over at me from the kitchen sink

“Are you still ok with that?” I pause for the longest time, I don’t know if I am ok with that. Can I be ok with that? He smiles at me as I look up at him, in my head I know I need to say ‘no’ but as I look at him with his sexy school boy dimpled smile I hear myself say ‘yes’

“Really?” he strides over to me so easily, looking at me intently, I try to say ‘No, I am not ok with it’ but as he sweeps me up into his arms, I lose my words again & nuzzle his neck. I feel tears welling in my eyes but I can’t let him see them “This is usually when the girl leaves, normally I don’t care, but I cannot lose you Kristie.” I sob escapes my mouth, I try to hide it with a cough “Hey, why are you crying?” I try to compose myself discreetly

“I’m not crying, I’m ok, really.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re ok if you’re not, it’s not going to work if you aren’t honest with yourself” I stare at him in silence for a while, I keep telling myself I don’t want to date & he is the perfect guy who doesn’t want to date either, I just have to stick to my plan

“Really I’m ok, I don’t date, you aren’t boyfriend material, it’s…” I almost say perfect, but don’t want him to think that I mean perfect relationship, he finishes for me

“…a match made in heaven?” he laughs, squeezing me tight, I cannot speak anymore, I know my voice will give me away. I turn to Conner pulling his face into kiss me, it’s the only way I know how to connect with him & feel like we’re on the same page. He responds of course, kissing me back, passionately, I lift his shirt off which urges me to stand with him, I pull him, as we kiss, to his bedroom, I need to erase this conversation with the thing that we do best, but I can feel that this is the end, I think he can feel it too, it feels like the last fuck. The passion between us is different than usual, it is thick & hot, I am turned on but somehow my mind is trying to savour every moment, knowing this will never happen with Conner again. It’s slow, sweet & tender, we make love missionary style while Conner leans on his elbows above me, we don’t lose eye contact with each other, the only noise in the house is our rapid breathing & moans, neither of us prompting the other to go harder or faster, we don’t need words now, we only need this connection between us. Our speed & force increase naturally, our breathing increases as we both strive to come together, we say each other’s names in a heated passion & Conner falls on top of me, nuzzling my neck. We lay there as our breathing slows, Conner still inside of me for the longest time, neither of us wants to move, it’s unspoken but we both know that once he pulls out of me, things will fall apart for us & this will be over.

At this point I figure that I have nothing else to lose, as we’re lying in his bed in our satisfied state, his fingers in my hair, I cannot get our earlier conversation out of my head & the way our love making just felt, I am realising more & more that I am falling in love with him, without even wanting to find a boyfriend, I found a guy who is emotionally unavailable & I start to fall in love with him, exactly why I didn’t want to date!

“I really need to know why you don’t date.” I ask, he shakes his head, pulling out of me & rolling away, lying on his back

“Why don’t you date?” he retorts

“Because I always end up hurt” he rolls towards me on his side

“And you think this” he wiggles his finger between us, signalling he’s talking about us “will be any different?”

“No, honestly I don’t.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Moth to a flame” I say simply, he smiles sadly

“I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I’ve been honest with you about what I can offer you.”

“So we will always just be fuck buddies” I snap, getting up out of bed, finding clothes that are strew around the bedroom

“You gave it that label Kristie, not me” he runs his fingers through his hair, then his fists hit the bed by his outreached legs “You are more than a fuck buddy… but this is it, this is how it’ll always be.”

“Why? I don’t fucking understand”

“You don’t need to know why, just know I want this with you, more than I’ve wanted anything but this is as ‘boyfriend’ as I get.” He sits up, looking at me with a pleading look that makes me want to stop getting dressed in a huff, this is not how I want to end things with Conner, Am I really ending things with Conner?

“Just tell me why, what is so bad that you can’t give me more?

“No” he bows his head

“For fuck sake Conner” I pull on his t shirt, raising my voice “You better print out another fucking rule book because clearly you’re the only one with one.”

“Just back off Kristie” he runs his fingers through his hair again “Fuck!” he shouts, swinging his legs out of bed facing to the wall, but he doesn’t get up.

“You’re going to end up alone if you don’t let someone in.” I whisper, he doesn’t turn around, I don’t expect him too.

“That’s the way it should be.” I walk to his bedroom door

“Wake up Conner, there’s someone right in front of you…” My stomach churns, I take a deep breath, it’s now or never “…someone who loves you.” He shakes his head, still not turning to face me

“Well, stop.” There’s a long pause as his words soak into my brain, I think I am waiting for him to take it back, he doesn’t correct himself, I snap.

“You’re such a fucking asshole!” I turn on my heel, grab my bag & walk out. I know he won’t follow me, but that doesn’t stop me from secretly wishing that he would the whole drive home. What is his problem? The tears well in my eyes, No I am not going to cry over a fuck buddy! Ha, if only that term were ever true for me, he didn’t want to label it, but I insisted & I end up alone again. I’m such an idiot, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle stringless fun with a guy I already had a crush on, I am getting what I deserve for not being smarter, I should have set a time frame, I should have… You shouldn’t have even started! 


Fiction : Fleaz #11

The next weekend as we’re out to lunch, Conner goes quiet again, I can’t work him out, so playful sometimes then acts like he doesn’t care. He is so frustrating but I can’t help the pull I have towards him. If he didn’t want to do couply things with me, such as lunches out, then why did he keep suggesting them? I have said all along I don’t want to date so why does he force the issue to take me out to lunches or dinners & then insists on paying like it is a date, then clams up as soon as we’re at the restaurant. I wish that I knew what he was thinking, where he really saw this thing going with me, because I am falling for him, harder than I thought I would or ever could fall.

“What are you thinking about?” He gives me a sexy smile, that make me think he is not going to tell me the truth but something else, something that’ll turn me on, he lowers his voice, looking directly into my eyes

“I’m thinking about you, naked… Covered in this mousse” he holds up the spoon “& me licking it off your hot… sweaty… skin… while you beg me to make you come” He snickers & he’s proved his point, I shift in my chair already turned on, already becoming wet. I swallow loudly, he knows what effect he has on me. His response turns me on but I realise that I may never really know Conner, he will always use sex as a distraction. There is something inside him, maybe something that has happened to him, that has made him act like this, Will I ever be privy to this information? I really doubt that Conner will ever let me in & the more I try to distance myself, the more I feel myself being pulled towards him. Conner interrupts my musings “What do you think?”

I blush, as usual, then try to act sexy

“I’ll beg now.” He cracks up laughing, jumping out of his chair to go to the counter. He comes back with a small shopping bag, he grabs my hand & leads me back to the car.

“What’s in the bag?” Although I suspect I already know the answer

“Chocolate Mousse” He says as a matter of fact. Grinning the whole way home, Conner rests his hand on my knee, every so often he shifts it higher up my thigh, my breath hitches as he does, but then he has to turn a corner & takes his hand away to manoeuvre the car. He returns his hand to my knee again, loving his tortuous game, I am so horny by the time we get to his house, I hope he just fucks me in the hallway again. He doesn’t even seem affected by this last hour of foreplay, he seems so calm, when I’m about ready to combust.

My wish is granted, we’re barely in the door, Conner has me pinned against the wall, his mouth invading mine, our tongues fighting each other to get further in each other’s mouths, our hands everywhere, I can feel that the last hour of foreplay has affected him, his hard cock presses into me. Conner has the bag with mousse in his hand down by our side, he rustles the bag, as if realising he still has the bag, he pulls away from me. He walks off into the kitchen leaving me panting & wanting calling over his shoulder ‘better get this in the fridge’ I hear him chuckle as he walks off. Bastard!

He walks back turning on the TV & lies on the couch, with an arm above his head, he flicks the channel a few times before settling on a program, I can’t believe he’s not even affected at all, actually I can see where I have affected him as his cock strains against his zipper

“What?” He’s grinning at me, his dimples making me weak at the knees, he tries to pull an innocent face

“You know what!” I stand with my hand on my hip, pouting

“No I don’t” His smile is from ear to ear, He’s such a jerk! “What?”

“I’m horny & you’re just casually lying there.” His grin couldn’t get any wider, he sits up, looking a little more interested

“Really? Horny huh? What would you like me to do about it?” Do I really have to say it out loud? He nods as if reading my thoughts

“I want you to fuck me” he turns off the TV, his eyes darkening, he stands up & walks to me, but doesn’t touch me, my breathing hasn’t returned to normal but somehow it increases more.

“I think I want dessert first!” He grins picking me up over his shoulder, I squeal, he slaps me on the butt before putting me down in front of him in his bedroom, he pulls my dress off me quickly & abruptly, I didn’t even know he was going to pull it off. I am wearing no bra which seems to please him “Fuck, did you wear my boxers out all day?” He’s grinning, I nod “That is so fucking hot, I wish I knew, I would have fucked you on the restaurant table” he picks me up in the bride pose & plonks me down on his bed. I lay there panting as he looks down at me, I am so ready for him, he doesn’t need to eat chocolate off me to turn me on. “Do you trust me Kristie?” I nod, I realise that I do trust him but I wonder what he has planned, all I want is his cock inside me, but I know that he is in a playful mood & will want to tease me “I want to tie your hands to the bed & blindfold you” it’s more of a statement to let me know what he’s planning, I automatically put my hands up over my head without even thinking about it, he smiles, pulling a satin robe tie out of his wardrobe, he ties my hands carefully so it’s not too tight but so I am secure, then he takes his t shirt off, kissing my lips, he places the t shirt just over my eyes, it somehow makes my breathing increase. I feel his weight shift off the bed & I think I hear him leave the room, where the fuck has he gone? I hear the fridge open in the distance & then I understand, he’s going to cover me in mousse while I’m blindfolded.  

When he returns, he starts pulling his boxers off me, I lift my butt & knees to help him, he doesn’t touch me further, without my sight I am trying so hard to hear what he is doing, I can’t hear anything over my breathing.

“Don’t move” Then I feel it, the cold mousse touches my stomach in a blob, the next blob over my nipple which stands erect underneath the coolness of it, he places a blob on my other nipple, my thigh & neck, then his hot mouth is on the first blob, but he doesn’t just eat it off, he spreads it around with his tongue, it’s sticky & cold, but with the heat of his mouth it’s warm. I pull against my restraint as his kisses my breasts, he moves lower kissing my thigh, dragging mousse with his tongue to my clit, my legs shamelessly part & he chuckles, sucking on my most sensitive part.

“Oh… Conner” I am writhing, my head tossing from side to side “Fuck me, please!” He keeps going, he kisses from my clit to my inner thigh & back up to where he put the first blob on my stomach, he kisses each nipple, then his mouth is on mine, I can taste myself & chocolate mixed with the taste of Conner, it’s so sexy but I just need him inside me. He pulls away, I can tell he’s undressing himself “Please, I just want you inside me”

“I want to be there too.” He starts at my toe, working his way up my leg, kissing each inch as he goes, he reaches my clit & sucks against it as I struggle against my tied arms, he puts two fingers inside me

“Oh… Yeah!” he pumps his fingers in & out a few times before he takes them out, he’s kneeling in between my legs, I can’t work out what he is doing, he’s making ‘Hmmm’ sounds

“You taste so good mixed with chocolate” He’s licking his fingers after they have fucked me!

“Oh my god Conner, please.” Without warning his cock fills me hard & fast, I groan, “Yes, harder!” He pulls his t shirt off my eyes, he’s looking directly at me when they adjust back to the light, he obliges my last request & I come, clenching around him, he doesn’t stop his rhythm & I know he’s not ready to come yet.

He pulls out of me abruptly, turning me over with ease so I am on my stomach, my restraints twist in front of me, he unties my hands quickly, grabbing my hips & pulling them up but he pauses before he enters me from behind, I move myself to support my weight on my forearms, Conner’s hands glide over my butt, his thumb finding that entrance, toying with the outside before he slowly penetrates inside with his thumb. I thought that would feel weird, but it feels amazing, his other hand slides between my legs to find my clit & moving in the same gentle motion as his other thumb. My body is still coming hard, he retracts his hand from between my legs, sliding into me slowly this time, gripping my ass he uses it for leverage, pulling back & forth with a slapping force, it feels so good to be fucked hard. My body matches his pounding rhythm, I’m rocking back & forth on my forearms & knees, I am close to coming again when his thumb gently pushes into my back entrance ever so slightly again, with only one more thrust I am coming loudly again, I didn’t even know it was possible to come that many times! I arch my back as I absorb the pleasure, pleasure that is coming at me from all directions, my body doesn’t even know what is going on, it’s on pleasure overload, trying to concentrate on how amazing Conner is at what he’s doing but my vision is blurry from the pleasure. Conner grabs my hips for his final thrusts, coming spectacularly inside me

“Ohhhh… Kristie!” he’s kneeling but he rests his body flat on my back, my weak arms give way immediately with his weight & I slide to the mattress. Conner is now lying on my back breathing rapidly, he nuzzles my neck, his arms sliding along mine which are outstretched in a T shape. That was fricken intense!  I never knew I would like anything in that hole, I’ve had guys try to stick they cock up there before but this wasn’t forceful or sinister, it felt really amazing, I wonder what his cock would feel like there? Where did that come from?

“You ok baby?” There’s that term of endearment again!

“Amazing” It’s all I can say before I fall asleep with Conner still on my back & still inside me. 


Fiction : Fleaz #10

I spend all week daydreaming & looking forward to the weekend when I see Conner again, we haven’t ever suggested to each other to catch up during the week, I personally thought that was a little too much, it was a good idea to keep it to the weekends. Most of my weekends had been pretty boring before Conner so now that I filling up my calendar by being filled up with Conner’s cock, I was pretty busy every weekend. I tried to book things with friends during the week, leaving the weekends free for uninterrupted Conner time. Damn, you’re in trouble!

I can’t wait until Conner gets to my house, it’s the first weekend since we started sleeping together that we didn’t spend Friday & Saturday together, I had a party on Friday night & had to work on Saturday so we planned to meet at my place for dinner Saturday night. I had another plan!

I had never dressed up in sexy lingerie before, the red demi bra only just contained by breasts, the barely there g string was a tiny scrap of triangular material, I wore a garter & matching thigh high stockings with sky high black heels. I felt sexy but also a little slutty but Conner always made me feel so at ease with my body & my sexuality that I wanted to do this for him, I did want to do this for my own confidence but mainly it was all about him. 

I hear my front door open, I can sense that Conner has found the note that simply says ‘Come find me,’ I hear him chuckle & his footsteps stalk quickly up the hallway to my bedroom, I stand up straight, hoping he likes what he sees, in the middle of the room by my bed holding two beers, I have already had a beer & a half to give me some liquid confidence

“Fuck” he stops dead “You are…” he searches for the right words “Come in my pants… Smokin’ hot…” he smiles & takes the beer I hand to him

“That’s a good thing?” I question as he swigs on the beer, never taking his eyes off me, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s the biggest compliment ever” he hasn’t moved to touch me “I’m torn between not wanting to stop looking at you & throwing you down on bed, fucking you senseless” he makes a throaty sound, swigging on his beer that is now half gone

“Well, there’ll be no throw down Conner” I walk towards him drinking my own beer before putting it on the chest of draws “Tonight you’re mine!” I reach for his belt & seductively, I slowly undo it making eye contact with him as much as I can, as I let his pants fall, I bend to unlace his yellow Mack boots so he can step out of them, I pull each sock off before running my hand up his muscly legs as I stand back up. I unbutton his navy & orange high visibility shirt, revealing a navy wife beater singlet, which I struggle to pull off over his head, Conner helps me eagerly, after his beer bottle joins mine on the chest. I can see how hard he is with only his grey boxer briefs on, I lightly caress him through the thin fabric, he lets out a loud moan of appreciation, I move my body close enough so he can feel me but so my hand can stay teasing his cock, his eyes are burning as we look at one another

“Jesus Kristie” I smile sweetly, standing on tippy toes to kiss him, he responds hungrily taking my mouth as deep as he can, he doesn’t touch me which is exactly what I want, as our kiss deepens I glide my hand into his boxer shorts to clasp his naked cock. I play with his balls in my palm before I decide the boxers are restricting my actions, I pull them down, bending with my actions till I am on my knees, I stare greedily at his cock standing proudly erect

“Your cock is so hard” I say breathily, he moans at my words, I know he likes it when I talk dirty. I use my hands to stroke it, licking the length, taking his balls in my mouth & sucking on them, pulling on them slightly

“Fuck” he hisses How many swear words I can make Conner say tonight! I lick the length of Conner again & again, resting my hand right at the base, across his pubic hair, my other hand grabs his tight ass & I open wide to accommodate his cock inside my mouth “Ssss…hhhh…iiii…tttt” Conner grabs my hair in a tight fist, it’s only slightly painful, in a good way, I continue to suck, harder & faster “Fuck… Oooh you are so fucking good” his hips gyrate, pushing his cock further, his grip on my hair tightens again “Fuck… Yes… Oh fuck… Jesus… Yes” he shouts as he comes in my mouth. I lick his cock clean before I gaze up at him, he’s looking down at me with a cheeky dimpled grin “Now that’s a hello!” I giggle, standing up with his help he crushes his lips down to mine, pushing me back until I feel the bed at my calves, I push him away to break the kiss

“No, no throw down, I meant it. It’s all you Dimples!” he pulls a perplexed facial expression, I’ve not told him about my nickname for him, but he doesn’t mention it

“No way, especially when you look like that, there is no way I can stop myself from fucking you”

“No Conner, I’m going to fuck you!” I say with as much innuendo as I can

“Christ, you’re making me hard again” he looks at his cock “Not that it went down” he looks back at me “I’m always hard around you. I got hard on the way here just thinking about us, but never did I expect you to look this fuckable” I turn us around & push him hard onto the bed, he falls laughing lying up on his elbows to watch me

“What should we do first? It’s man’s choice tonight” I stand there taping my lip with my pointer finger, thinking about what I want to do with him

“Sit on my face” I almost blush HolyFuckingBatShit! 

“Is that really what you want?” I ask sweetly “Not a hand job or another blow job?”

“That’s what I really want, I want to taste you” I put my hands on my hips

“This was supposed to be all about you Conner” he laughs

“Giving me what I want is all about me” He winks & it gives me the push I need to do this, it wasn’t what I was expecting from him but I wanted to give him what he wanted. Grinning, I crawl slowly up the bed brushing his skin with every move I make, I straddle his sides, briefly stopping to rub his cock across my satin covered wet core, he grabs my ass, taking in a sharp intake of breath

“Ah uh” I say smacking his hands away knowing he’ll probably push me down on his cock, I keep crawling up the bed, bending to kiss his lips, not giving his tongue long enough to explore my mouth. I’ve never done this before & I feel a little self-conscious but he obviously likes it. He licks me gently through the satin of my G string & I moan, I’m already soaking wet so the moisture only builds as he teases softly through the fabric, his hands come to grab my butt & pull me closer, I feel like I am suffocating him but he doesn’t seem to mind, his hand reaches around & pulls the scrap of red material to one side, he moves his hand & his tongue darts in to lap at my clit

“Fuck!” I groan in passion, my underwear gets in the way so I eagerly hold it aside, giving Conner both hands to hold my hips down on his face. My other hand grips the bed head, digging my fingernails into the leather as I rock back & forth on his face. Without being able to put any fingers inside me it’s only Conner’s tongue that teases me, licking, lapping long luscious stokes “I’m coming Conner…” he pulls my hips further down & sits his head up slightly as he sucks my clitoris hard pulling it into his mouth, I can barely breathe, my body convulsing violently. I sit there limply coming down from my high as he continues to lick me. Suddenly I am conscious that I am suffocating him so I quickly slide down his body, flopping back to lie on Conner’s legs, he sits up spreading his legs to make himself comfortable, I’m sitting in his lap both our legs looking like frogs legs bent around each other at the knee. I am still breathing like I have run a marathon as Conner’s hand reaches my bra, pulling it down to free each breast so that each one is being pushed up with the force of the bra. He tenderly caresses them which doesn’t help my rapid breathing

“Nnn…ooo” I try to stutter, this is supposed to be about him, but my head falls back as he teases me

“Shhhhh, baby” his hand glides down my sides, pushing aside my G string & two fingers enter me

“Ahhhh, Conn… er” he’s not doing it to make me come this time, it’s like he just wants to feel the inside of me. As I slowly regain my equilibrium, he removes his fingers, I sit up so we’re nose to nose, his hands caresses the top of my stockings

“No one has ever dressed in anything like this for me before”

“I’ve never done it before but I wanted to for you” Shit, was that too much, too girlfriendy?

“You look insanely sexy” he pulls me closer on his lap, gripping my butt cheeks, his lips find my exposed nipple tugging on it until it stands erect for him “But then again” he grins cheekily at me “You make anything look sexy” I laugh, he’s deluded, but I lap up the compliments, blushing in the progress. I lift up on my knees, pushing him back on the bed, I kiss him deeply rocking my body back & forth so my nipples graze his chest, I sit up, abruptly as he moans loudly

“Now Conner” I rock up & down even though I am not on his cock “About that fucking…” he smiles, his dimples exposed, I look into his eyes & realise I am falling for this man Shit, did you have to think that now?

“Hmmm?” he prompts after I am lost in my thoughts, I push back off the bed, leaving Conner laying there with his hard cock standing proudly, he sits up on his elbows, I grab our beers, which gives me a chance to take a deep breath, I pass him his, he downs the content, I take the bottle from him but stand in front of him, staring at each other.  

Slowly, I hook my fingers in the elastic of my g string, pulling it slowly down my legs until it’s at my knees & falls the floor on its own, his eyes tell me he likes what he sees

“Jesus, you’re killing me Kristie” he sits up fully in bed, I take this as my cue to sit on his lap pushing him back on the bed kissing him deeply, I crawl up as he lays down so my opening is grazing his hard erect cock. I kiss him passionately, darting my tongue in & out of his mouth, my hands support my weight by his shoulders giving me the leverage to rub his cock along my folds, teasing us both, he breaks the kiss with me, taking my nipple into his mouth, we moan together, I smile, we are so in sync that it scares me. I pull away sitting up on his legs with his cock in front of me, I take it with both hands, rubbing his length making him groan with pleasure “Oh fuck” I see he is getting ready to come, I hold him steady & lower myself on him, resting my hands on the bed, back by his shoulders, his hands hold my hips as they move up & down on his cock bringing up closer to the brink of orgasm “I’m going to come, you are the hottest little thing ever” his words spur me on, I rock harder & deeper, I want to come with him, one of his hands tweak my nipple as I feel him come hotly inside me, he pulls me down hard on his cock & it sets me off too, he tweaks my other nipple as I convulse tightening around his already spent cock.

As our breathing slows we look at each other, with stupid grins on our face

“I hope that I’ve filled the brief?” I ask while he’s still inside me, he chuckles

“The one that you set yourself?” he responds stealing my answer to him when he asked me the same question, I laugh “You get full marks too baby”


Fiction : Fleaz #9

As we come back down to earth, he pulls away from the kiss & looks back into my eyes, it’s as if Conner realises the intimacy between us & quickly shifts me off his lap so abruptly I wince as he pulls out of me, he pushes me aside so I am sitting on the bed. It has the effect he wants, it puts some distance between us, He felt it too! My heart sinks as he throws the cover back quickly, swinging his legs out of bed & stands up

“Shower” he snaps, not waiting for my response, he’s already in the bathroom with the shower running, I’m not sure if it’s a statement or an invitation. I sit on the edge of his bed trying to get my head around what just happened. He obviously felt it too & it scared him, Hell it scares me too! He said he doesn’t do the boyfriend thing, so why did he just make love to me, so sweetly & tenderly? It’s not like I asked him too, it’s not like we are in a relationship & that’s what he felt he had to do. Could I have changed the outcome of that exchange by saying something dirty to him?

I decide that it was an invitation to shower with him so I walk into the bathroom, he’s all lathered in soap, rubbing his fingers through his hair with such force I wonder if he always washing his hair like that or if he’s tense. When I open the shower screen, he steps out of the running water to let me in, I let the water cover my body, Conner doesn’t look at me but he moves us again so he is under the running water & can rinse the soap out of his hair. I really wish I knew what he was thinking, I reach for his body wash & lather up my hands, I rub all over my body & as I look down, I see my little display is turning him on, he pulls me close, tugging on my hair to tilt my chin to him, he kisses me hard & roughly

“Suck my cock, sexy!” he commands, I smile innocently, I understand why he is acting this way toward me, I start kissing his neck, moving down his body till I’m on my knees & his cock is near my mouth. The water is splashing on his back so I am virtually protected from the stream of running water, I reach up to grab his cock “No hands” he growls, so I put my hands behind my back, looking up at him sweetly & take him in my mouth. He groans as his fingers grab my wet hair, I take him in as far as I can go, then pull back sucking hard, I repeat as his hips rock, his hand keeping my head steady so I take more of him each time. “Oh yeah…” he moans, it doesn’t take very long before I look back up at him & he’s looking down at me, his hips gyrating, making me take more of his cock “Fuck… Hmmm… if you don’t want me to come in your mouth, stop” I keep going, sucking harder, he tilts his head back & tightens his grip in my hair “Oh, fuck” he comes in my mouth, hot & wet, well that’s a first, it tastes funny, but not unpleasant, I try not to think about what it actually is as I make eye contact with Conner, I swallow his come, licking my lips, “Baby, that is beyond hot!” Baby? Better not read too much into that.

Conner he rinses his cock, turning to me to kiss my forehead before he snaps the shower door open & steps out, I’m still on my knees as he barely dries himself & stalks out of the bathroom. Jeez! Way to make a girl feel used Conner! But it gives me time to think.

I always hated being asked to suck a guy’s cock or having my head pushed down there. Don’t get me wrong, I like doing it but I don’t like being told when to do it, I’ve also certainly never let a guy or ever even wanted a guyto come in my mouth, much less swallow it before. But I oddly liked doing it for Conner & I love his reaction, it made me feel so unashamed & bold.

I understand he’s confused about our intimate sex, I am too, I’ve never made love before, not even with my only boyfriend Dominic, it never felt as intimate with him like it just had with Conner. I don’t know what his issue is but I know he doesn’t want a girlfriend & that was definitely boyfriend/girlfriend sex, so he jumped in the shower to wash away the memory & he told to me do something less intimate & more primal, it’s probably why he said no hands.

I wonder if Conner has ever had sex like that before. Maybe not, that’s why he’s so freaked out? I decide that he couldn’t have had sex like that before with anyone because that was the best sex of my life, it had to be for him too. What we have is nothing compared to what he has had in the past. Dangerous territory Callan, doing sex comparisons! How did we get here so soon, it’s only our second weekend?


Conner has laid out a T shirt & boxer briefs on his bed, I can only assume they are for me & that he’s already dressed because I can hear him cooking. I smile at how confusing he is, he’s asked me to stay tonight, or has he changed his mind? & now he’s laid out his clothes for me. I get dressed & join him in the kitchen, he is dressed like I suspected, in a matching outfit of a t shirt & boxer briefs 

“Omelette?” he doesn’t look up, he’s still weirding out 

“Yum, perfect, want me to do anything?” I come over to stand next to him, elbowing him in the ribs playfully, trying to lighten to mood a little, he chuckles giving me a sideways glance, he notices my clothes

“No you can just look sexy in my boxers” he kisses my nose & he’s back. I grab the OJ from the counter & pour myself a glass, sitting down on the stools, my muscles ache as I sit down, Conner notices my reaction as he walks over with the fry pan to put the Omelette on the plates in front of me “Are you sore?”

“A little, feels good though.” he smiles but doesn’t really look at me, sitting down next to me & demolishes his omelette.

It’s 10:30am as we finish clearing up breakfast, I wonder what he plans to do for the rest of the day, I don’t think I can have sex as often as he might want too, so far I haven’t eased myself back into it after four years of celibacy & since I’ve been here less than 24 hours & he’s made me come how many times, I’ve lost count now.

“So if you’re sore, what can we do today so I can still have my wicked way with you tonight?” He grins at me cheekily, I giggle, loving this side of Conner, much better than brooding Conner! I try to think of something not coupley that we can do but nothing springs to mind “It’s a nice day we could go for a walk on the beach, grab some lunch?” he suggests, Hmmm so much for not coupley but with no bright ideas of my own, I agree. A walk on the beach doesn’t have to be coupley! Does it?

We get ready in silence, I’m wearing a summer dress in a florally pattern, I ponder for a moment if I should take off his boxer shorts, but he told me not to bring underwear this weekend & I can’t go out to a windy beach commando in a short summer dress. I decide that technically I am not wearing my own underwear so it wouldn’t be breaking his rules. Conner pulls on some cargo shorts & he’s ready. My hair is in complete disarray & can only be tamed by putting it in a messy bun, it’s really not messy on purpose but that’s how it ends up.

In the car, I have silent Conner, I look over at him, even with his Ray Bans on, I can tell he’s frowning, thinking about something, I wish I knew what it was. Is he an over thinker too? He parks the car easily, jumping out quickly to meet me at my door, which I’ve already opened & am getting out of but he shuts it for me, resting his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the stairs which lead to the beach.

We take off our matching Havaiana thongs, mustn’t think too much about that either, when we reach the sand & head toward the water. The waves lap at our feet, we walk along the shore line with the sun warming our skin. Conner’s arm brushes mine every now & then, I feel the electricity between us, he catches me off guard when he casually entwines his fingers through mine. We’ve not spoken a word since we left his house, which was all I could think about but now I can’t help but think about the fact that he’s holding hand, he’s just looking ahead not saying anything at all. What is he thinking? 

“It’s such a beautiful day” I break the silence, finally I have thought of something to say. He smiles but doesn’t look at me, he tucks our hands behind my back, not letting go of my hand, to pull us closer together, he kisses my forehead

“You’re beautiful” Swoon!  We walk like that for a long time, maybe 30 minutes have passed, unexpectedly he picks me up around the waist, spinning once before heading into the water, I scream but I’m laughing at his playfulness

“Conner don’t you dare” I scream trying to break free of his strong hold, he’s laughing too, other passers-by watch us, we seem like two people in love playing joyfully in the surf, he puts me down in knee deep water, taking my face in his hands he kisses me enthusiastically, his tongue parting my lips, finding its way to stroke mine, his hands don’t move from my face, my hands rest on his hips as the waves crash into us, wetting my bottom of my dress. He pulls away from the kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling my head to his chest, I can hear his rapid heartbeat, he sighs.

“What are you doing to me Kristie?” it’s barely audible over the waves & I’m not sure if I am supposed to hear him. He takes a deep breath, speaking louder “Come on, let’s go back” he kisses the top of my head, putting his arm around me pulling me into his nook, we walk back towards the car, again in total silence. 


Goodwin #3

I’m pretty sure I replied to a comment on Facebook ages ago, for Goodwin #2 that I was never going to go there again with this guy… Well… Apparently I while I didn’t know it then, I lied! When he pops up again on the chat app with a new account I start chatting to him, we chat a lot actually & never get to plan a time to catch up. This guy isn’t going to be anything, this guy isn’t going to be the love of my life but he might be some fun.

You have to remember that I have been dating now for almost 15 years & am yet to date a decent guy, so what’s the point? While I have Marvel, I also don’t want to keep all my eggs in his basket, while I don’t think marvel is seeing anyone else, I don’t really know or will ever know what he’s doing on the side.

Remember when I went speed dating for the last time? Well the next night, despite how much I hate that I did or allowed that to get to me, I am at my lowest, I mean – for fuck sake – I didn’t even get a match at all… How fucking sad is that?! Like I don’t mean to brag, you all know I have very low self-esteem, but this is the best I have ever looked in my life. So I am feeling low because if how good I look yet I am a still fucking single & dating absolute wankers, what is it about me that makes me so undateable?!

Anyway Goodwin has arrange to come over but as I wait & wait & wait like a wanker, he messages to tell me that his sister has been in a bun crash & that he’s at the women’s & children’s hospital with her. Okay, plausible story, I can’t fact check to be honest but I don’t even care. I write the standard thing, like I hope she’s ok & then stop replying – but he doesn’t read it.

We arrange another date to catch up a few weeks later, much to my better judgement & all I get from him before we’re supposed to catch up is “Today isn’t going to work.” Eh whatever dude, I write him off & never reply. This has to be done, I mean what is with this man, It’s so weird, it’s not like I am interested in him like that & I haven’t been clingy so fuck know what he wants….

Three months later I get messages from him & against my better judgement, again I reply – like I am so fucking sad that I keep replying to this guy, this fuck wit who is just playing games with me, saying that he’s moved to New Zealand. Like, ok, why are you messaging me? What am I going to do with that, I mean he’s in another country!! What’s the purpose of this char?

But then just as quick as he had gone, he’s home & messaging me. This time he actually does come over & when he gets there he spends so much time massaging me that I think he’s going to have to go before we even have sex.

I’m not sure why he’s massaging me, but I have to say I like it. He says he’s a physio but I’m sure he’d said at the beginning that he was a podiatrist, but whatever he is, I like this massage, it’s the longest massage a guy has ever given me leading up to sex too. Most men rub your back for 10 minutes then roll you over, however Goodwin is on a mission, he messages me a lot & works his way down so he’s fingering me, I have to admit that I am really turned on from the massage that he’s able to finger me & with each pump of his hand going into me slowly, he adds a finger… I try to relax because I work out what he’s trying to do & I’ve never had a guy do this to me before so I go with it. He’s trying to fist me & he gets close, but I can’t relax enough & I wonder if it’s because I don’t really know this guy that well & I don’t really want a first with him… I suck his dick after he makes me cum then he rushes off before the cum is even dry.

I see him again before the end of this story, but it’s much the same, he tries to fits me unsuccessfully & then rushes off quickly after he’s cum. I chat to him sporadically, he talks to me about a threesome, the threesome I want with two guys – but he’s just not one of the guys however he says that he has a friend that will do it with us, which I am reluctant about. Being I haven’t seen Goodwin that much to really trust him to fuck my ass or stop the other guy if he goes too far. I get Dom Dom on board for this threesome, the guy I wanted to do it with Marvel back in the day. They agree but then when I tell Goodwin that Dom Dom is married he says no judgement but never raises the subject again. So I guess that isn’t going to happen then! Hahaha.

I guess I don’t really have an end to this story to be honest, we don’t catch up again & sporadically talk but I am non-committal to everything because, do you know what? He doesn’t deserve my time, but like any other guy still dangling in my life, I sometimes have nothing better to do than to write to them so I use them for a bit of company – just as much as they are using me for whatever they are using me for.



When I decide in 2021 to date properly, no having sex with the guy on the first date, I am actually going to date them. I’m going to put in some serious effort to date & look for a proper partner, a partner I deserve!

This guy while not 100% my type, he’s cute, brown curly hair, brown eyes, tall. He lives in Lameroo – now this is about 3 hours away from Adelaide so I think that there is no point this guy – but then sometimes I have days of thinking about what would happen if I moved to a small town, what if I did move out of Adelaide. I could finally give up Marvel, I could move on with my life. But with a brand new job I honestly don’t know how this would work but he says that he can live anywhere with his work. His parents apparently live in Mt Barker, one day when I’m driving through there he tells me that he stays with them often & we could catch up closer to me, that he doesn’t mind driving. OMG if I had a dollar for every time a dude said that to me “I like driving” or “I don’t mind driving” & then when it comes to catching up they use that as an excuse.

Anyway we decide to meet for dinner. We decide to meet in a country town between his parents & my house, I consider catching an uber & having a few drinks to let my hair down a bit but decide that I will drive. He’s there when I get there & it’s freezing but he’s waiting outside for me. He’s just like his pictures, he’s wearing a casual outfit, more casual than mine & a hat. We go inside & the fucking country pub is packed, during a peak covid time before we had to wear masks 24/7 but we can’t get a table. We have to wait. As we are waiting I see a family friend sitting in the corner with a lady I don’t know, but without thinking, I say hello & walk back to my date. I’m pretty sure I’ve just sprung him cheating on his wife! Hahaha…

As we get a table I spy a woman from work, I have been in my job only a few weeks, it’s Friday night & she sees me, waves & comes over. She’s got the red wine lip – you know the joker lip when you’ve had too much red wine. I don’t introduce the dude I am with but she leaves us alone.  

We order dinner & eat, he pays for dinner – I get steak so I’m always impressed when they offer to pay for my $40 dinner, Hahaha. He also pays for a drink as well. We wat 7 the conversation flows, not insanely easily but similar to how it did on our text, so it’s easy & a nice night. After we finish dinner, the bar crowd is thinning out, so he suggests we have another drink & go sit by the fire. It’s nice that he’s suggested to stay when we clearly could go home at this point. We sit & chat some more, the conversation flowing. I find myself finding him more attractive as we talk – sometimes I think that happens when you talk to someone more & more. I don’t think there is a full on chemistry, but there is something I think might be worth pursuing here.

He goes to the bathroom & the woman from work says they’re going home & they live across the road that she asks if we want to go back to her house. I say that I’m on a first date & she asks if I’m having fun, I say yes but she says that if I want to ditch him & go back to hers for some fun, I could. I still don’t know what type of “fun” she meant.

Shortly after Lameroo & I leave the pub, it’s a small country town in a valley so it’s icy outside & I am dreading the stand at our car awkwardness, we get to mine & his is further away so we stand at mine, it’s too cold for me to fart ass around being awkward, so I hug him, he doesn’t go in for a kiss so we kiss on the cheek & I get in my car & crank the heater to head home.

What do you know, as I’m walking in the door I get a long message from Lameroo – because we didn’t kiss goodbye I don’t even know what he will say but I get a whole message about how he likes me, would really like to see me again & understands if I am not interested but he would like to catch up again. I say sure that I am open to that etc. I go to sleep with a little smile on my face.

A few days later the messaging with him has come to a halt, so try to keep messaging but he’s making it too difficult, I stop & it stops altogether. This is coming from a guy who works in a tractor that apparently messages all the time while working & now he can’t message? I decide I deserve to know happened so I ask him why he would message me after the date asking to see me again but never actually trying to see me again. He says “yeah sorry I’ve been busy with work.”

I never write back, I never hear from him again… I honestly do not get it!


Fiction : Fleaz #8

I’m jolted awake again, I don’t really understand in the pitch blackness what is happening or where I am, it takes a second to realise that there is nothing wrong, I am so content, Conner lying behind me, his strong arms still holding me tight, his steady breathing is a signal that he is asleep. I roll out of his arms & turn to face him, now that my eyes have adjusted to the light & from the glow of his clock radio, it 3:02am, I can see how peaceful he looks, I snuggle in closer to him, he stirs, I wrap my arm around his back & pull him in close

“Hmmmm” he’s waking up, I feel his erection growing, he kisses my hair & his arms pull me in closer still, I look up at him, his lips crush down on mine, not holding back, he rolls over on top of me with such force & passion. He groans moving down my body to give himself room to pull off his boxer briefs, there is no preamble, I am already wet for him he slides back up my body, my legs part & he enters me slowly & easily, then he’s a little rough, it’s so satisfying, I dig my fingers into this back, he’s looking directly into my eyes, I can’t look away as he thrusts hard & fast, I know it not going to be long, when he bites the skin on my collar bone, I clench around him, we both come quickly each shouting different expletives.

“Fuck Kristie” he sighs loudly, kissing my neck as our breathing returns to normal “That wasn’t too rough for you?” there’s a hint of a smile in his voice, but he’s serious

“No, I like it” I practically whisper while my face turns beetroot red, thank god it’s dark, will I ever stop blushing at everything he says?

“Really?” he slips out of me, lying next to me on the bed, his hand rests on my stomach as our noses touch “You like it a little kinky huh?” I shrug, not that he can see it, but I know he knows I responded as best I can, even though he’s done all manner of things to me I still feel shy when it comes to vocalising it “Tell me what you like” I take a deep breath

“I like it when…”

“Yeah?” he prompts after I pause

“You pin me down, my hands above my head” he chuckles but doesn’t say anything, hoping I’ll say more, it makes me brave since we’re in the dark & as his hand rubs appreciatively over my stomach “But I like morning sex the best”

“Hmmm, I can’t wait until morning then!” he kisses my shoulder, pulling me back into him so he’s spooning me again, I fall into a doze & I’m not sure if it was a dream, but I swear I heard him whisper “How will I ever let you go?”


I stir as the sunshine hits my face in the morning, the clock says its 7:33am, Conner is sleeping peacefully next to me on his back with one of his arms up behind his head, I turn to face him, taking this opportunity to study his face, he’s so attractive, his strong jaw, his full lips, long eyelashes, his blonde curly hair that is never in any sort of style. How will I ever let him go? It makes me  think back to what I think he said as I was falling asleep & even though I don’t think I was supposed to hear it & as much as I think he meant it to be sweet, it dawns on me that it’s not at all sweet. He’s already planning to let me go, he just doesn’t know how he’s going to do it. I don’t want him to let me go, Shit! I’m in way too deep! It was his plan from the start to just be casual so I shouldn’t be surprised, but why does he have to let me go? Does he think that’s what I want because I told him I don’t date? What a mess already!

I feel tears welling in my eyes, I move my hand to come up to run my fingers through his hair, it feels so soft, I let an unruly curl outstretch in my fingers, he stirs as I run my hand back through his hair, down the side of his face to his shoulder, I keep it moving down his hard abs, he moans not opening his eyes but I know he is now awake, I find my target, he’s already hard, I take it in my hand giving it a light squeeze before I move my hand up & down his length. He groans loudly, which spurs me on, I move in closer to him, kissing his neck as he’s done to me so many times, as his breathing increases I move my hand faster. In a split second, before I realise what is going on, Conner has grabbed me with both his hands & lifted me up to straddle him, his hands guide my hips as I lift up on my knees to impale myself on his cock, as I start moving up & down slowly, he sucks in a deep breath, his hands run from my hips to tweak my nipples as I pick up the pace, his hands return to my hips to guide me

“You look fucking sexy riding me” I don’t blush, first time for everything, his words make me feel amazing, they don’t make me feel shy. This is the first guy I’ve ever slept with that tells me how much he likes the way I look & it gives me the confidence I need. 

“This feels… so good” I say as I rest my hands on his hard pecks, I never say stuff like that during sex, I like how he reacts to it with a smile, which encourages me to do it in the future. His hands help me move faster as we both start breathing more rapidly

“I like you on top” he grins, I smile cheekily, lifting my hands from his chest, I run them up my stomach across my breast, teasing them as I know I’m close, his eyes widen at my brazen show of self-pleasure “That is so hot Kristie” I look him in the eyes, tweaking my own nipples more, he groans. My hands run up my neck flicking my matted sex hair & as my arms reach up, my knees lifting me up & down, Conner teases my clit & I come 

“Oh God… Conner… Yes, Yes, Yes!” I scream out loudly, his hand moves back to my hip to pull me down for a few final thrusts as he comes too. 

“Holy fuck!” My hands come back down to my sides, Conner is still bucking slightly underneath me, while my body pulsates around him. I’m still straddling him with his cock inside me when he pulls me down to rest my chest on his so he can kiss me, both his hands cup my face, kissing me with such passion, not caring about our morning breath. As he pulls away from the kiss he whispers ‘wow,’ I smile & lean down to kiss him again. You’re fucked Kristie, in more ways than one!

I lift myself off his cock but stay lying on the length of his body, my head resting on his chest, he holds me close with both his arms, one of his hands stroking my hair, I hate to think what the mattered mess feels like, his fingers keep getting caught in the knots, but he continues carefully, like he is trying to untangle it

“I like you making the first move” I giggle, I hate making the first move, I’m always scared they are going to say no & I’ll feel like a fool but I can hear the smile in his voice “& I like you riding me while playing with your nipples, so freaking hot!” I giggle again, I try to roll off him but he holds me tight “stay tonight” he whispers, it’s a statement, I smile even though he can’t see, maybe I am affecting him like he’s affecting me, I nod slowly, knowing that I don’t want to go home, I don’t want to spend a weekend night without him, I fall back to sleep while Conner plays with my hair. 


When I wake again at 9:15am, I am still lying flat on Conner’s chest, pinned to him with his strong arms around me, one of his hands in my hair still stroking it, I wonder if he’s been back to sleep

“Good Morning!” he says cheerfully as if he hasn’t already spoken or given my an orgasm this morning 

“You’re chipper” I raise my head to look at him, his hands slide down to rub my butt

“Who wouldn’t be chipper when I wake up with this on top of me?” he slaps my butt before pulling my thighs up so I’m straddling him again, I’m still flat on his chest, he sits up with ease taking me with him, I position myself back a little on his lap, resting my hands on his shoulders, I lean back outstretching my arms. I feel his cock hard & proud between us, Conner holds me tight around my back but puts a hand between my legs, I can feel how wet I am from our previous sexcapades & Conner is pleased as he gently inserts two fingers, “Hmmm” I dig my nails into his shoulders, tilting my head back which pushes my breasts up into Conner’s waiting mouth. I buck in his lap, on the brink of another orgasm as his thumb comes to tease my clit 

“I want you inside me” I plead, Conner chuckles but keeps going, my hips are gyrating on his lap, his mouth going from one nipple to the other, taking them between his teeth & elongating them with gentle but erotic tugs. I can’t believe how horny he makes me & how much I want him all the time, I have never wanted to have as much sex with another man as I do with Conner. He is very attractive, but there is something more about this guy, something dark & ominous that turns me on, so much so, I think he could look at me & I’d come for him “Please Conner, fuck me hard” he smiles against my nipple

“I will” sucking it full into his mouth & thrusting his fingers deep inside me & I am lost

“Conner… yes… Aahhhhh…!” I have barely stopped coming when Conner lifts my butt to impale me on his cock again, we are so close, nose to nose, he holds me close & he starts to move slowly, my body does the same, we move in time with each other, already so in tune with each other’s movements, my body eager to feel his length in me. We don’t look away from each other, his green eyes piercing me, looking deep into my soul. As he moves us, he kisses me passionately, his tongue lightly stroking mine, urging me to reciprocate, this feels so intimate, his hands tickle my skin on my back, making me tingle all over, it makes my clench & Conner moans with appreciation. Our breathing is rapid but not heaving, we’re both quiet & feels somehow different to other times we’ve had sex. He still hasn’t broken eye contact with me, we move together in unison easily without words, climaxing together, for the first time, calling out each other’s names like it is the only word left to say.

As we grip each other tightly as our movements stop, Conner doesn’t look away from me, but leans into kiss me deeper, longer & slower than we’ve ever kissed before, his hands are tickling my skin still and I never want him to stop.

If I didn’t know any better, that was not fucking, we just made love. 


Fiction : Fleaz #7

Sorry I forgot to finalise a blg post, so you have fiction today! I’ll get the blog asap.

Conner races off into the kitchen stark naked shouting expletives, I pick up his t shirt & put it on before following him, he’s standing at the stove stirring something in a saucepan. He’s cooked for me? Is that what fuck buddies do?

“Is it ruined?” he turns with a smile then when he sees me in his t shirt, his face falls

“Why did you get dressed?”

“I’m hardly dressed.” I scoff pulling at the hem of his t shirt that is barely covering my butt, he smiles again, I like it when he smiles, Jesus, you have to stop thinking like that Callan! It’s a one way ticket to ‘hurts-ville!’ I really need to distract myself around him “What are you cooking?”

“This is creamy garlic white wine sauce” He smiles, proud of himself, I raise my eyebrows “I’m grilling some chicken & steamed veges, I hope that’s ok with you?” I nod, that is more than ok! Smelling the garlic sauce my tummy rumbles. “It’s not ruined” he takes the saucepan off the heat & walks towards me, pulling my hips to his “but if I had of known I wouldn’t be able to control myself the second you walked in the door, I would have turned off the stove” he gives me a cheeky dimpled grin that is so infectious.

“I just need to… um… wash up” I blush, his hand automatically moves between my legs & he fingers the wetness there, he chuckles Bastard! I slap his hand away & make my way to his bathroom.

After I’m as clean as I can be without a shower, I find my g string & put it on to complete my just fucked t shirt look. It is not a good look at all. Conner is back in the kitchen, he’s put on his boxer shorts but all our clothes are still in a pile at his front door.

“There’s wine in the fridge if you want it? There’s glasses in that cupboard there” he points to a cupboard, as I make my way to the fridge, there are three bottles of white wine on the shelf, a Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc & a Moscato standing next to a six pack of beer. “I don’t drink wine & I thought you drank that one” He says pointing at the Sav Blanc “but I couldn’t remember so I just bought the popular ones according to the sales dude.” I laugh but then I find it hard to stop. He smirks at me effected by my laughter “What?”

“You don’t drink wine at all?”

“No” I laugh more.

“So you bought three different bottles?” I’m still giggling.

“Yes, why’s that funny?” he acts a little shy but has a cheeky grin on his face

“Nothing at all, it is so cute.” I stand on tippy toes & kiss him on his lips.

“Cute?” He laughs, cocking his head to the side to take in that I just called him cute, I grab the Sav Blanc & reach for a glass.

“Yes, so unbelievably cute.” I’m smiling thinking how boyfriendy that is, Watch it Callan, he is not your boyfriend! Nor does he want to be! My smile fades, he doesn’t see, he comes up behind me, rubbing his hands on my butt as the t shirt rides up slightly with my outstretched arms.

“I thought I told you not to pack underwear this weekend?” Am I staying for the whole weekend? He flicks the band at my hip, I smile, pouring the wine into the glass, I take a sip & turn to face him

“Technically, I didn’t pack them, I wore these here” I say innocently “Well for about seven seconds” He laughs, pinching my rear, he pulls the edges of my g string, sliding them down my legs, with a cheeky grin, I obligingly step out of them, as he stands back up he cups my butt pulling me in close

“That’s better” He kisses my nose, releasing me to cook dinner.


Dinner is delicious, he’s a good cook & I wonder where he learnt how to cook, but I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to ask personal questions & get attached to him, which I will if he tells me he learnt from like his dying mother or something. We keep our conversation safe, nothing about our pasts or what we plan for future, just general chit chat I wonder how long that can last? 

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure, you pick one, I’ll get us more drinks” I walk to the fridge to grab him another bottle of beer & myself another glass of wine. Conner is stretched out on the couch when I come back, with the remote in his hand, one arm under his head, he looks so casual & sexy in just his boxer briefs, he catches me staring at him with the drinks in my hand.

“You alright?” He asks with a little concern in his voice & starts sitting up to make room for me, I blush Forfucksake! He grins at the sight of my reddening face, realising that nothing is wrong.

“Just admiring” I try to say casually & sexily, but I sound a little stupid but he grins from ear to ear, I pass him the beer, sitting on the couch, my bare ass sticks to it & I realise I’m going to have to be careful if I don’t want to make fart noises as I move

“Oh Yeah? How was the view?”

“Pretty sexy” he chuckles

“So is mine!” He leans over & kisses me, but as he does he puts his cold beer on my leg, I jump & hit his hand away, he cracks up laughing then presses play on the movie. He’s put on The Wedding Singer! I can’t help but smile, it’s one of my favourite movies, Adam Sandler is hilarious, he interrupts my thoughts “Is this movie ok? It’s one on my favourites” I gape at him, we have something in common!

“Me too.” I laugh, quoting my favourite line “I have a microphone & you don’t…”

“…so you will listen to every damn word I have to say” he finishes for me laughing. He leans in the corner of the couch, pulling me back to rest against him, between his legs. It feels so coupley & I can’t help but wonder if it means as much to him as it does me? As much as I keep trying to pretend we are just fuck buddies, I can’t stop thinking about how much I want more & all these little gestures keep making me think he does too.

I’m too distracted to watch the movie & take it in, I’m not even aware when Conner starts rubbing my arm, I’m already in too deep with him. His hands explore their way under his t shirt, across my belly & up to my breasts, I shift a little so he can pull my shirt up & have free reign with what he finds under there. He gently plays with my nipples & rubbing my breasts in a circular motion then he drags his fingers down the side of body & across my pubic line, my body reacts with a little convulsion, he laughs. He sits up, pushing me forward & tugs the t shirt over my head, he pulls me back to lean against him again, I now feel his erection in my back. His legs link around my own, the one on the couch pinning my leg against the backrest, his other leg links around my other leg much the same but he pulls it off the couch so my legs are spread wide.

“Put your hands behind my head.” He whispers seductively in my ear, I obey & moan as the movement pushes my breasts into his hands & leaves me feeling exposed. His hands work their magic over my nipples making me so horny & wanting, I can feel his breath increasing in my ear, which is a turn on its self, knowing that my body is turning him on, he flattens his hands & gently rubs my nipples in an up & down motion. “I want to make you come like this again” I groan so loudly, his words igniting a pre orgasm sensation, I want him to make me come, but I also want him inside me while he does, it’s so hard to decide which way I want Conner. I don’t get much time to think about it, I’m writhing against his body as much as I can, with my legs pinned down so far apart

“Oh God…” He doesn’t stop, it all feels so good, as I arch my back, pushing my breasts further into his hands, my breathing becomes short & fast, he takes this opportunity as he knows I’m about to come, to tweak my nipples, once… twice & I scream out “Conner… FUCK!” as I orgasm, Conner moves his hands down my sides, causing that same convulsion as before, he circles my clit with one hand & slips two fingers in me with the other, I don’t think I can’t stand it, my body instantly builds again, or has it not even stopped coming yet?  I am just making noise, it’s incomprehensible, I try to close my legs, Conner keeps me pinned down, I want move my hands but it feels so good that I can’t bring myself to move them, I tug on his hair, as I scream out again & again, expletives, his name, moans, Ahhhs, I come again within the shortest amount of time. Conner feels me go limp against him & stops stimulating my clitoris but his fingers slowly move inside me. I am puffing so loud, it feels like I may never get my breath back. I am vaguely aware of Adam Sandler singing ‘somebody kill me’ as Conner takes his fingers out of me, running them up my belly, between my breasts, up my neck, leaving a damp trail as he slips it into my mouth,

“See how good you taste?” HolyFuckingShit! That’s so weird, yet so kinky, I start sucking his fingers “Mmmmm, that is so fucking hot Kristie” I’m so glad he can’t see me blush, although it’s such a regular occurrence, that I think he should be used to it by now, even if we’ve only really been together two nights.

He doesn’t release my legs straight away, my arms haven’t been able to move from above his head, Conner caresses my breasts again, this time not in an effort to make me come but just to appreciate them, his tickling my skin all over & it feels so amazing. I am so limp when he does release my legs but they just stay where they were & he has to help move my arms back down to my sides, he wraps his arms around me & he goes back to watching the movie as if nothing has happened.


I am being jostled around, I realise its Conner getting up from behind me off the couch, Shit, I must have fallen asleep! The TV is off, he’s now standing over me, I’m only slightly aware that I am completely naked & vulnerable, he bends to pick me up under my knees & back He’s never going to be able to carry me. I try to protest but I am still so blissfully weak & sleepy, that my protests go unnoticed or ignored by Conner & I give in. Once I’m in his strong arms, I nuzzle into his neck, as he walks me to his bedroom with ease, he puts me in his bed, I snuggle straight into the covers, he gets into bed behind me, spooning me, holding me so tight, I fall straight back to a deep sleep. 


Fiction : Fleaz #6

Compared to the weekend, my week is a complete bore. I am so deliciously sore most of the week, I’m reminded every time I move or sit just how amazing the weekend was, Conner really knows what he’s doing, I wonder why he doesn’t have a girlfriend when he fucks like that, do you really want to pull at that thread? No probably not.

“How was your weekend?” Sophie asks me during our morning coffee break on Monday morning, I blush & grin stupidly that she knows something happened “What? Tell me, tell me now!”

“I accidentally slept with that guy Savannah was trying to set me up with, you know the one they call Fleaz” I cringe at the nickname. I’d met Fleaz a few times before & Savannah had told me he was coming to a BBQ & she was planning something about him breaking my drought. But I didn’t even know Fleaz had arrived & then he sat inside, we didn’t even speak, I thought that is just my luck, he wasn’t interested in me at all.

“Accidentally? What, did you fall on his dick?” She cracks up laughing, making me laugh too

“No I mean, it wasn’t planned” she laughs harder

“So if you don’t plan to have sex, then it’s accidental?”

“Yeah, if you don’t plan a pregnancy it’s considered accidental” We crack up laughing

“You’re so crazy! So what happened? How did it happen? How many times did it happen? How big was it?” We crack up laughing again & I recall most of the details for Sophie. She is one of the few people I can say anything too & not be judged or feel stupid.

“What do you think he meant by ‘a virgin wouldn’t fuck like that?’ I can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I pick the only one weird thing about the whole weekend & constantly think about it?” She laughs

“That’s why I love you!” she ponders my initial question “Well usually a virgin wouldn’t have any idea what they are doing & would probably be an average root, so he’s saying you weren’t shit. It’s a good thing Kristie” She claps as if she is proud she deciphered the male brain, that totally makes sense

“This is why I keep you around” my phone beeps, it’s a text from Conner, my face betrays me & Sophie knows straight away

“Is that from him? What does it say?”

“Do you really want to know?” she nods, I cringe, giving her my phone

FB: Just thinking about how wet you were Sunday morning when I woke you up kissing your neck 😉 I blush, of course

“Wow, what are you going to write back?”

“I don’t know, I’m not good at this sexting stuff” we laugh, I’m not a prude but this is new territory for me

“Just write, I love how hard your dick was” Can I really write that? I laughing, reading out loud as I type, she nods & I hit send before I overthink it

K: It’s your hard cock that makes me so wet 😉 Gah! He immediately responds, I can’t help but giggle

FB: Now it is hard…

“What did he say?” Sophie is practically jumping up & down with excitement, I show her my phone. “Whoo hoo!”

“Calm down, I don’t want to make this into more than it is, can we please not talk about this around the office?”

“Just have some fun with it, go bowling” She cracks up laughing

“Oh my god, if you suggest bowling one more time” I shake my head “we’re just fuck buddies” As many times as I say that, I already know for me it is not true, I really do like this guy, I like the flirty texts & can’t help but feel myself getting attached to him. I quickly text back, trying to be sexy

K: I’d suck it if I was there…



On Thursday night I’m texting Conner as I’m packing an overnight bag to stay at his house, texting him is addictive

K: What should I bring tomorrow night?

FB: Nothing…

K: Nothing at all?

FB: Nothing, especially no underwear 😉

I put a few clothes in a bag anyway, I don’t want to have to wear my work clothes home on Saturday morning.  I figure I won’t need pyjamas but I look at my pillow at where I have thrown my pyjama’s to see what I would’ve  packed & I realise I’ve been wearing his t-shirt & boxers all week as pyjamas. Not a good start!

Friday at work I am giddy with excitement all day, Conner has been texting all week about this weekend, he keeps saying weekend, not night! I try not to read into it too much. He told me to head straight to his house after work at 5pm. I duck into the bathroom at 4:30 to check my face & outfit. Its casual Friday so I’m wearing slim leg blue jeans with a wide brown belt, I have a white fitted singlet tucked into my jeans with a black tailored jacket that I have rolled the sleeves up to be ¾ length, I finish it off with a chunky red necklace & red patent leather pointy toe closed toe high heeled shoes. I carefully chose my underwear this morning, a navy satin bra & g string set, it has a little lace detailing on the front but it’s not over the top. All day my colleagues have been asking if I have a date tonight, I laugh it off as best as I can, I usually wear flats around the office because I’m always up & down from my desk, but I couldn’t get ‘fuck me heels’ out of my mind, that I had to wear heels again. Sophie gives me the once over & approves how I look,

“Go get em tiger.”


On the drive over to Conner’s house, I finally have time to think about what I am about to do, so many questions run through my mind. When I get there will we just have sex right away? When will he expect me to leave? When should I leave? Should I have picked up a bottle of wine, even though he told me not too? Should I take my overnight bag in? Of course you take your bag in! He knows you’re bringing it, he told you not to pack any underwear! My thoughts distract me as I pull up outside his house, I don’t really remember driving here, that can’t be good, I don’t want to sit out in my car like a loser if he’s watching me from his lounge room window, would he be that type of guy? Oh My God! Shut Up!

I get out of the car before I lose my nerve & drive off. I grab my bag out of the boot of my car, taking a deep calming breath as I walk up the driveway, my pulse is racing, I feel like he’ll be able to see my heart beating when he opens the door. Before I can knock, Conner opens the door, he’s casual in loose Levi jeans & a white Rip Curl t shirt, he’s barefoot & smiling like a Cheshire cat

“Hello Gorgeous.” He stands back a step, holding the door knob, letting me through the door, his other hand grabs my waist in between my jacket & singlet stopping me as he leans down to kiss me, his soft at first, then his tongue invades my mouth parting my lips, I kiss him hungrily back, my hands gasping at his hair & arms, he shifts us slightly, kicking the door shut, taking my bags from my shoulder, he lets them fall to the ground near us, his other hand comes up to cup the back of my head, our breathing is so ragged, there is no much heat between us, his hand moves from my waist to my breast rubbing in circles, while he explores my mouth with his own, we’re both making little humming noises as both his hands move to the lapels of my jacket, pushing it off my shoulders, my arms fall back to let the jacket slip down to a puddle on the floor, without pulling his lips away, he moves us again, pinning me to the wall in the entryway. Well I guess we will have sex right away! His hands grope me more now that his can hold me there with his hips, he tugs on my singlet so that it becomes untucked, pulling it up over my head, I return the favour & pull his t shirt as far as I can, in these heels I am more his height but I still can’t get it the whole way off. His lips return to mine more urgently, we both start fumbling in what seems to be a race on who can get the others pants down fastest. I’m wearing a belt & Conner isn’t so his pants slip down first, he steps out of them as I step out of my shoes, he bends to pull my tight jeans down, grazing my leg with his hand as he stands back up to look at me, his hips pin me to the wall again, both his hands cup my face as his brings his lips down for a slow spine tingling kiss. As the kiss intensifies, I can barely restrain myself, I boldly start tugging on his boxer briefs, once they get past that certain spot, I let gravity do the rest, they fall down to our puddle of clothes. I grasp his cock in my hand, he breaks the kiss as he moans, tilting his head back, I start running my hand up & down his length, placing little kisses on his neck, where I can reach.

“Ahhh…” He runs his hand down the length of my body, finding the edge of my g string, he hooks his finger into the elastic & it finds the same fate as his boxer briefs. His fingers find my wet centre, he chuckles, I know what he’s thinking as he lets out a long satisfied moan, his fingers move in a circular motion faster than usual, my legs part as if they have a mind of their own, wanting Conner to tease me more, but he swiftly moves to pick me up, I instinctively know to put my legs around him as his cock enters me hard & fast, I let out a almighty moan,

“Yes…” I dig my finger nails into his hard back, I can tell he’s close, I am too, he really turns me on with just his kisses that I am not surprised that I am always so ready for him, his rhythm is steady, each time he pauses when he’s deep within me before pulling out fast & slamming backing to me. It feels divine, I can’t really move while pinned against the wall so I just hold onto him tight, I know his strong arms will hold  me up. I realise he’s not wearing a condom again, I didn’t ask him to put one on either, I didn’t really expect to fuck him in the hallway, three seconds after I walk in the door! But it feels so much better without a condom anyway, skin on skin, it somehow feels more intimate, but then in our fuck buddy situation that might not be the best idea. His lips come down on my nipple, it interrupts my thoughts as he sucks hard enough to be my undoing

“Fuck me, Conner… Yes, Yessssss…” I am aware that I am exaggerating the S but I can’t make myself stop. I am only vaguely aware that Conner thrusts into me three more times before joining me in orgasm bliss

“Oh, yeah… Ohhhhhh Fuck.” He comes inside me, he kisses from my nipple up to my neck nuzzling there while his body slowly trusts with the aftermath of his orgasm. “Jesus, what are you doing to me?” He whispers, making eye contact with me, he looks deep into my eyes as if he thinks they will give him an answer. He kisses my lips gently, then moves his kisses along my neck where he lets out a deep breath & thrusts slowly one more time inside me., I moan again, feeling him deep inside me.

We stand there, well Conner stands there, I sit limply in his arms, for a few minutes, I don’t want to move, I like being connected with him this way but I don’t know how can he continue to hold me up like this, I am so weak. My orgasms with him are so intense, like I’ve never felt before that I am so spent afterwards that I even have to remember to breathe & I don’t even know if I’ll be able to stand when he does put me down.

He slowly comes up for air, looking directly into my eyes again, pulling out of me, he slowly slides me down the wall to put my feet on the floor, I feel the aftermath of our sexcapades drip on my inner thigh, his hands grab either side of my hips as if he knows I will struggle to stand.

“I didn’t plan to fuck you before you even got a foot in my front door, but that was…” he smiles, I smile, he can’t think of a word to describe it & neither can I “Can you stand?” I nod, not sure if I can, as he stands up straight, releasing me & letting me test my weight on my own legs, he kisses my forehead, resting his hands on my hip he sighs. My nose twitches

“What’s that smell?”

“FUCK” He shouts “It’s dinner burning!”


Fiction : Fleaz #5

I scurry around in a tiny towel looking on the floor for my discarded clothes but I can only find my bra & skirt, which I clutch onto like they are my lifeline. What the hell happen to my G string & singlet? Conner pulls on a pair of black boxer briefs & joins the search.

“Looking for this?” He points at my singlet that is hanging from his 42 inch flat screen TV on his bedroom wall. I blush & race over to retrieve it, Conner playfully tugs the towel as I reach up to unhook the singlet, the towel slips off me easily, I am standing there naked trying to cover up but in the end my attempts are futile & I give up, there is no point now, but I still blush. He puts his hands on my hips, pulling me into his embrace

“You’re so cute when you blush.” That just makes me blush more, I look down but I giggle. He uses a finger to guide my face back to look at him “I hope that I’ve filled the brief?” It’s more of a question than a statement.

“The one that you set yourself?” he nods, I laugh “yes, you get full marks” he grins his cheeky school boy smile & looks pretty pleased with himself. He releases me & turns to what looks like his t-shirt draw, he pulls out a white one & puts it on, before he shuts the draw he pulls out a navy blue one & offers it to me. I greedily take it from him, there is nothing worse than the walk of shame in last night’s clothes. I know when I get back to Savannah’s I’m going to get shit from her & her husband Carter. I put my bra & his t-shirt on, it’s so long, I don’t really need my skirt, but with my g string MIA I feel like I need some extra coverage, Conner holds out a pair of grey boxer briefs, I smile as a way of thanks, I pull them on, thankful that they fit my womanly hips. As I pull them on he looks me up & down, I see his bulge grow in his own boxer briefs

“You’ve never looked sexier” I scoff, folding last night’s outfit in a neat pile to take with me “I’m serious, that is fucking hot!” His eyes tell me he means it, they stare at me hungrily, I look at myself in his wardrobe mirror, He really finds this hot? My hair is wet & an absolute curly mess, I’ve got no make-up left on, I’m wearing his clothes & my legs look short & stumpy without my heels on.

“What this old thing?” I tug on the hem of the T-shirt & look up at him innocently. He groans, running his fingers through his hair

“If you keep looking at me like that, you may never get home.” He smirks “or be able to sit down ever again.” He looks away as if he’s going to blush, pulling up his jeans. I know he needs some reassurance too, I’m brave with his back to me, I wrap my arms around his waist, laying my hands flat on his hard abs, he stiffens but his hand comes up to rest on mine

“Thank you for an incredible night” I involuntarily blush at the memories “& morning!” he turns to face me, placing a soft kiss on my lips

“You’re welcome, I hope there will be others?” Again, it’s a question, not a statement. I blush, I want badly to say ‘Yes’, but I don’t know if my voice will be audible “I’ll take that blushing as a yes?” I giggle, nod & blush more. He smacks me on the ass & walks out the room “Do you want breakfast?” he’s shouting from another room, probably the kitchen, I don’t know where it is, what’s the protocol here? Do I make myself at home or am I confined to his bedroom? One night stands are easy, once you’re dressed you’re out the door, no looking back for lost underwear. This is a new very grey area, if this is going to be a regular thing then I should feel comfortable here but not too familiar, I wouldn’t leave belongings behind, except maybe the occasional MIA g string. But would it be appropriate to bring a bag of clean clothes next time? Aw fuck, this is why you are in over your head Kristie. I groan at my thought process & walk down the hallway trying to find where Conner is banging around. I peek in a few rooms, just to have a look, I can pretty much tell where Conner is, but I am intrigued by his house. It’s all decorated much the same as his lounge room, minimalistic with oversized furniture that takes up the entire room, but hardly any personal effects such as family photos or keepsakes, no clutter whatsoever.

As I enter the kitchen he’s putting bacon in the fry pan, I sit at the breakfast bar stool, this isn’t too familiar is it? “Do you want some bacon & eggs?” I nod, the smell makes my stomach growl so loudly I’m glad that he has the bacon sizzling & the exhaust fan on otherwise I swear he would have heard it. “Toast?” I shake my head

“No thanks, do you need some help?” he shakes his head

“I’m all good, you should see if you can actually sit.” He chuckles, then his face changes as his smile fades “In all seriousness are you ok?”

“I wasn’t a virgin Conner.” He laughs

“No, a virgin wouldn’t fuck like that” Oh My God, is that a good thing? He turns the bacon, smiling to himself “You are tight like one though” Holy shit, did he just say that? I blush, I guess my face may as well just stay red, he serves up the bacon & eggs & brings a plate over to me, sitting in the stool next to me “Really? Are you ok?”

“I’m great Conner, don’t worry. We didn’t do anything I didn’t want you to.”

“Just to clear the air, I don’t normally get carried away like I did in the shower…” His voice trails off, I don’t know where he’s going with this, I stuff too much bacon in my mouth to stop from talking “Yeah, so anyway… my last STD check was all clear.” I chew my bacon longer than necessary because I feel my face reddening, knowing he needs some reassurance again, as I swallow I form my sentence that I didn’t think I would ever have to say

“I had one last month & all was good too.” How odd that I’d never had a STD check before but at my last check up only a month ago, the Dr threw one in for good measure. He turns in the stool to face me, I give him a sideways glance

“I’m really sorry, I’ve never done that before…” Oh my god Whatthefuck hasn’t he done? He looks down as his plate, shaking his head & whispers“What are you doing to me Kristie?” he looks up to meet my gaze, I must look puzzled, “I haven’t… I mean… I’ve never had sex without using a condom before” My jaw drops

“Really? Never?”

“Yes” I still can’t believe it, most of the time you have to force the guy to put one on, even if you tell them that you aren’t on the pill.

“Not even with a girlfriend?”

“No” feeling a little braver at his confession, I ask quietly so he knows it’s not accusatory

“Why did you with me then?” Our eyes meet, I want to look away because I know that I will blush whatever the answer is, but I can’t seem to move, I get the feeling he knows what he needs to say but he needs to think about it, for what seems like eternity for me, I am dying for him to answer the question so that I can get him to talk but I think that will make him clam up. There must be a big reason why he’s always used a condom, but I doubt I am going to find out the reason why today

“No one has ever made me want to fuck them like you do” I blush, HolyFuckingBatShit! He runs his fingers through his hair, “I lost my head without thinking about the consequences.” He picks up the last piece of bacon with his fingers, smiling at the memory “but it felt fucking amazing!” He winks, shoving the bacon in his mouth, I blush & giggle, “So should I drop you off?” Confession time over.


It’s about 11 o’clock as Conner picks up his keys, I am standing awkwardly in the hallway by the door with my pile of clothes, waiting to do the walk of shame back to Savannah’s house to pick up my car.  Once he’s pulled out of the driveway, he fumbles about in his pocket, driving slowly as he lifts his hips off the car seat, he pulls out his smartphone & hands it to me

“Save your number under ‘Sexy’ & take a photo so every time I text you I see what I’m missing” He laughs, I can’t tell if he’s being serious, I pull on the collar of the t-shirt & aim the phone down at my breasts & take a photo. He laughs harder, I save the blurry dark photo that you can’t even tell what it is as the contact photo & save my name as ‘S-E-X-Y.’ “When can I see you again?” His serious tone catches me off guard, I mentally view my calendar

“Are you free Friday night?”

“I will be.” His playful tone makes me smile. So many mixed signals, He’s just a fuck buddy Callan! I prank call my own phone from his so his number comes up, I save it as ‘Fuck Buddy’ & take a picture of him driving that I save as his contact photo, he’s laughing heartily but I wonder what he would say if he knew what I just saved his name as. He pulls up at Savannah & Carter’s house, he doesn’t turn off the car, I suspect he doesn’t want to see Carter since they work together, but he puts it in park & turns to face me. “I had a really great weekend Kristie” he leans his elbow on the centre console, his other hand reaches the back of my head to pull me in for a long sensual kiss. I’m breathless when he finally pulls back, releasing my head. “You’d better go before I fuck you in this car.” He grins from ear to ear, it’s infectious, I lean in & quickly peck him on the lips, I get out the car but turn back to say

“My weekend was mind blowing. Bye” I slam the door before he can say anything & see me blush I hear him gasp as I run up Savannah’s driveway.


“Well look what the cat dragged in!” Savannah is laughing at me already, looking me up & down “What are you wearing, you tart?”

“Shut up & let me in” I push past her, laughing, her husband Carter pops his head down the hallway, he’s laughing too

“Well look what we have here” Oh my god! I rush straight into the spare room where I left my overnight bag & try to shut the door, Savannah pushes against it, Carter is laughing behind her

“We want details Kristie, you can’t hide in there” I huff, but my face breaks out in a bright red tell-tale sign paired with a cheesy grin

“It was absolutely fucking amazing!” They both hoot, Carter claps while they both start laughing, my phone beeps with a message, I was going to ignore it so I can get away from these two maniacs as quickly as possible but I see out of the corner of my eye the pop up preview of a text, it’s from ‘Fuck Buddy’

FB: Mind blowing huh? Which part in particular? I blush & grin like a Cheshire cat, Savannah doesn’t miss it

“Is that from Fleaz? Whoop Whoop, Kristie’s got a boyfriend, a boyfriend” she chants as she walks away He’s not my boyfriend Savannah! I shove last night’s clothes & all my crap in my bag, picking it up I smooth the covers of their spare bed I never slept in & walk out the room. “I’m not kidding Kristie, I want juicy details” I can’t wipe the smile off my face

“Firstly, he’s not my boyfriend, secondly it was fantastic, I think… no Savanah, I know that it was the best sex I’ve ever had”

“Really?” she hugs me “Are you going to see him again?”

“I think so…”

“Just be careful, he didn’t get a nickname like Fleaz for no reason.” I try not to dwell on his nickname, I’m think I prefer not to know what it’s all about. Finally Savannah lets me leave her house, I quickly pull my phone out before I take off, there’s another text message

FB: My favourite part was feeling you come 😉 Gah! Winking smiley face! I smile at the memory of him saying ‘you have no idea how tight you feel when you come’ I blush again, my mind wanders to this morning’s conversation ‘no a virgin wouldn’t fuck like that, but you are tight like one’ what the hell did he mean by ‘a virgin wouldn’t fuck like that’ I try not to think about it as I write back to him

K: My favourite part was you making me come. 😉  I toss my phone on the passenger’s seat, crank up the music & I drive home trying really hard not to overthink about this weekend or how a virgin would fuck. 


Marvel #10

Another instalment of the worlds most boring story! Hahaha… Well it’s not boring but you know it’s been going on for about a year at this point, during this time I have been fired from my job – a job you all know I was dedicated too which I also think was part of the reason it didn’t work out with some people int his blog, all the travel I had to do and extra hours. I have almost a year off while I figure things out, this has also given me time to keep seeing Marvel.

I know this is toxic, so I try to date but if you have read this blog ever & seen what I have been though in my life the calibre of men that I meet, you can see why I am still seeing Marvel. I am able to be a stone about it, I know I will always have feelings for him, especially while seeing him on a regular basis.

I will admit that I put in a lot of effort to make sure the sex never gets boring, though it’s been just over 4 years since I met Marvel & the sex is has always been as good as it was at the beginning, but there are probably a few reasons for this, I do put in a lot of effort with outfits, scenarios to tease him via text & I make sure that we don’t ever do the same thing too often, like I said it takes a lot of effort from me. But this effort just isn’t for him, it’s for me too… I don’t want it to get stale, to get into a couple routine, to do the same sexual position, I want the excitement, I want the fun… I want the passion & lust & desire. I want the fireworks we have when we have sex. I want to feel the electricity spark between us right before we kiss… I make the effort to make sure that this is what happens when we touch – he doesn’t make such an effort, I know he thinks that I am madly in love with him & I can’t get enough of him, I could walk away but why? Lets think about this, I mean I want to walk away & find someone who loves me like I deserve, but have a read of some blogs here – see why & how I have tried to meet men & have them love me even a little bit, even half of what Noodle did then I will be happy. But to be honest, new job, new puppies, new renovations at my house, I am a strong women who doesn’t need a man to be happy – remember, I want one though. I don’t want any more notches on my bed post, I want to find someone that loves me, so why give up the amazing sex while I keep getting stuffed around?

There was a time where he talked to me more, showed me pictures of himself & acted like we were still friendly, but it dwindles off, he logs of for days – even 2 weeks sometimes right after we have sex, it bothered me to beginning with but then I start to not care. He sometimes logs off without reading my last message which I can tell that he hasn’t, then I see him online in a chat group & think what the fuck, why isn’t he talking to me… But I lose this anxiety about him not chatting to me – I will admit it wasn’t overnight, I do obsess over it for months & months but I do end up giving in & just accepting that this is how it is. I used to write to him twice when I notice that he hadn’t read the message & I knew he would be offiline. So I would double up on the messages & send them a 2nd time when I knew she was offline knowing he wouldn’t get the first copy. So he never knew the effort I went to to keep the conversation going, however I stop this kind of behaviour. It’s a step forward & a step for me to remember that this isn’t want I want forever. He tells me that he doesn’t always get to look at his phone if he gets out of work late & he has to get home within 15 minutes or his wife thinks he’s cheating… OMG. I couldn’t imagine living with someone, being committed to someone, being married to someone that I don’t trust. Every time he logs off & doesn’t talk to me or I wait, I realise I am not going to do that so I stop writing back instantly, he tells me that he’s not going to let it take over his life this time, that he does 90% of the cooking & cleaning, that he has to look after the kids as she works full time & he’s part time & closer. He tells me that he was addicted to chatting on the app & even his wife got addicted for the short time she was on the app too, though she was never in groups so don’t get the appeal if you’re just using it like a text message.

As I see Marvel more & more he becomes less & less appealing, the only time we have a proper conversation is when we’re face to face. Every time I am there now he brings out a mattress & we have sex on it, don’t get me wrong I love fucking him lying down but I did like the mix of places & positions we used to do. However this little mattress gives us the opportunity to do to 69’s which I haven’t done for a long time. In fact, I ride his cock reverse cowgirl style & he pulls me back against him lying down, then fucks me from underneath me. OMG, I don’t even know how he does it but fuck it feels good… Always outside the lines with this man!!

So I know these posts about Marvel are shorter, but mainly because I am behind with reading the chats & only have notes on the dates we fucked, but I think the other stories in this blog are more important at the moment! Have a read of the fiction Fleaz, so weird that I wrote that years before I met Noodle/Silverlining/Marvel & yet it’s a lot like the sex I have with him, it’s almost like I write the type of man I want & I sort of got it! Hahaha…

Anyway Fleaz is much more exciting than the third version of this story, that I have been posting it twice a week, I hope you are enjoying it!


Fiction : Fleaz #4

I don’t want wake up, this sex dream feels so real, I’m hot & sweaty, I squirm in the sheets… there’s a hand caressing my breast, tugging on my nipple, I feel light kisses on my shoulder, across my collar bone, up my neck, there’s a sexy low ‘hmmm’ that breaks the silence as the hand slides down my belly tickling my inner thigh, I moan eagerly, it startles me awake, my eyes shoot open, it only takes a second to realise that this is no dream at all. Where am I? I feel Conner’s mouth making its way down to engulf my nipple while his hand cups me, rubbing his fingers up & down my clitoris. I stretch out lazily remembering what I got up to last night, my muscles are so sore, thoroughly fucked sore, it feels heavenly, I stretch my arms up over my head, smiling with a throaty ‘hmmm’, my legs fall open. 

“Morning sexy” he smiles at me “always so ready hmmm, I like it” his fingers continue leisurely stroking my soaking wet core, I can feel how hard his cock against my leg.

“Morning… Mmmm…” I can barely get that pitiful greeting out. His fingers feel so good, Shit! I’ll have morning breath. I long to brush my teeth before he kisses me, I quickly check by breath by subtlety turning my head & breathing on my shoulder, but I don’t even get a chance to think about it before he is kissing me, our tongues greedily stroke each other, he moves himself to kneel between my legs which part further to allow him access, he swiftly puts on a condom but doesn’t enter me, he slowly walks his hands up the mattress to lower himself so he’s lying flat on me, so our faces are inches apart, his hands run from my armpit up to my hands where he pins them above my head, he moves his hips in an effort to slip his hard cock inside me. As he enters me, with speed & force, I let out a gasp, I love morning sex, what a way to be woken up! With his hands still pinning my arms above my head he begins to move in & out with a rapid pace, I am already close, for me this isn’t going to take long, I sense that Conner is the same. I don’t want it to end, but I also crave that sweet release. As he moves, I can’t help but moan loudly as my hips gyrate to match his rhythm, I lift my legs to wrap them around him, my feet trying to push him harder into me, I’m building quickly, Conner can sense it, he works harder & faster holding my eye contact, it’s so erotic when he does that, but also so intimate, you’re just fuck buddies Callan! I close my eyes & turn my head, letting out a loud moan.

“Look at me.” He’s inches from my face, our eyes meet, his arms outstretched with mine above my head, he doesn’t pay any attention to my clit, he just moves harder & faster, I’ve never come with just a cock before, my body betrays my thoughts & with his next thrust I come loudly

“Holy shit… Aaahhh.”

“Yes Kristie… Yes… Fuck.” He collapses on me, his hands loosen their grip on my wrists, but they remain above my head, I couldn’t move them even if I wanted to, he turns his head to nuzzle my neck with light kisses. Our breathing is rapid, our hearts beating a million beats per minute, my body is still pulsating, his cock still twitching inside me, I take a deep breath but it does nothing to control my breathing “You have no idea how tight you feel when you come” I hear his smile, I feel his eye lashes graze my neck as he opens & closes his eyes, I think he’s doing it on purpose, I don’t care it’s the best sensation. He slowly pulls out of me, he licks one long luscious lick up the length of the back of my ear Fuck! I almost come again. He chuckles as he rolls over to dispose of the condom. “You like that hey?” he’s grinning from ear to ear, with a cheeky school boy look, as he turns back to face me, I still haven’t been able to move anything but bring my arms back down to my sides, he leans in to do it again while brushing the palm of his hand gently over my nipple. My body shudders, Why does that feel so amazing? I mean if you think about it, it’s so gross, he is licking behind my ear. He looks so proud when he leans back on his elbow, his hand supporting his head. He continues to lightly palm my nipple, I squirm under his touch, I cannot be close to coming again when he’s barely touched my clit, can I? “Should I make you come like this?” his palm making light circles across my nipples, I can barely respond, it’ll take a bit more than rubbing my nipple Conner! But my body is betraying me & he is making me come! My back arches, pushing my breast harder into his palm, but he pulls his hand back to keep rotating in soft circles, ignoring my blatant need for something harder, he’s only using one hand but he gives both nipples the same amount of attention. I start to breathe so rapidly & moan loudly, my back again arches upon its own accord, he pulls his hand back so that his touch is light, he grazes my right nipple with his fingers, gently pulling the already erect bud

“Oh… god…” His does the same with my left nipple & I give the same response, he smirks, leaning down to kiss my neck, little feathery kisses along my collarbone, up to my jaw, “I’m…” I can hardly speak. I haven’t even come down from my last orgasm & here I am on the brink of another one.

“I know, I feel it, let go.” He whispers in my neck, his hand increases speed, his fingers flat, brushing back & forth across my erect nipples, my back arches again, my throat moans as I feel my orgasm surfacing, Holy shit, no one has ever made me come by only teasing my nipples before!  He licks behind my ear again & I shatter, its intense, probably the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had, my back aches my head off the pillow up to my elbows, I’m practically doing a backbend in bed, my eyes go blurry & I hear myself scream at the top of my lungs



I don’t know how long it is before I open my eyes again, Conner is lying on his side, facing me, with a huge grin on his face, it is impossible to ignore, my face breaks out into a thoroughly fucked smile too

“Welcome back” he actually has the nerve to laugh, I try to look annoyed, pulling the pillow out from under my head, I try to hit him but he gets hold of it & throws it behind him on the floor, leaning forward to pin me down to the bed, we’re both laughing, This is very coupley, watch your step Kristie. I snap the smile from my face & pull away from him, rolling onto my side facing Conner, as if he knows what I’m thinking, his arms pull me flat against his long body, tightly he hugs me, resting his forehead on mine, letting out a sigh, we lay there for only a minute, before he kisses my nose then he brushes his nose on either side of mine, An eskimo kiss!

We lay there for a while, I don’t want to move but I also feel like I need too, to get away from this intimacy. Conner takes another deep breath & locks eyes with me, grinning in a way that I know we’re going to end up having some sort of sexual encounter, after all that is why I’m here.

“Now I’ve got you all dirty, let’s get you clean.” He slaps my arse gently, I make an ‘ooh’ sound, he laughs, rolls away from me & out of bed. I hear Conner go to the bathroom, I look at my phone, it’s 7:45am All of that before 8am? Wow! There are several missed texts from Savannah & Rylee.

S: I knew you liked him Bitch! Watch out for fleas! Just sayin’

S: I can’t believe you ditched me tonight… it better be good, I will want details.

S: Are you ok whore? Call me in the morning! x. I giggle at Savannah’s texts, she was the one who set this up!

R: Let me know you’re ok. P.S You owe me a girl’s night out!

She’s right, I do. I was there for less than 2 hours & after swearing off men only a week earlier, then I go home with the first one that talks to me! I send a quick group  reply to the girls

K: I’m more than ok, I’m totally, completely, blissfully fucked! Talk later xxx.

Ha! Fucked in more ways than one! I can’t think about that now, I hear the shower running, throwing the covers back, I do not want to miss out on a dripping wet Conner. I peek around the bathroom door, he’s standing outside the glass shower cubicle, in all his naked glory, with his hand outstretched to test the water, he doesn’t seem fazed by his nakedness, even when he’s not hard his cock is impressive, I want to blush but I force myself to be confident, he’s given you multiple orgasms, kissed & touched every inch of your skin, this isn’t the time to be coy. I step into the bathroom, pulling my shoulders back, trying not to look at the floor but I am not able to make eye contact when he looks over at me, I let my gaze fall & I see his cock starting to stand up in attention, that I have that effect on him is enough to make me feel more confident. I brush past him, putting my own hand under the running water to test it, I turn to face him, stepping in backwards I grab his hand to pull him in with me, he growls a carnal cave man noise it makes me giggle.

We stand under the running water, his hands find my lower back, pulling me in close, my arms rest on his chest, he reaches behind me to get something off the shower shelf, he brings it in between us & without words he hands a toothbrush & toothpaste to me. I load the bristles with toothpaste, he opens his mouth, he expects me to brush his teeth? How odd! I can only assume it’s because he doesn’t want to let me go, I hope that’s the reason! I spend a few minutes brushing his teeth, he turns his head to spit out the excess. He shows me his pearly whites with a fake grin, to make sure I have cleaned them properly. I don’t rinse off the brush before reloading it with toothpaste, I make sure our eyes are connected before I put it in my mouth & start to brush my own teeth. He growls again, pulling me closer, this turns him on! I feel his now hard cock against me,I spit out the excess & rinse out my mouth with the running water, Conner grips my hair & his lips hungrily find mine, his tongue parting my lips, once he gains access he massages my tongue with his own, his hand from my hair slides down my front, paying special attention to the erect nipple that is aching for his touch, so soon after being the centre of attention, he tugs gently as he steps forward, pinning me against the cold tiles, his hand keeps moving south, he finds what he’s looking for & my legs oblige by spreading to give him free range, his hand on my back slides down my thigh, gripping it to lift my leg on a 90 degree angle, this easily allows his fingers to enter me, slowly at first, his grins

“So ready again?” he starts darting his fingers in & out faster, his thumb finds my clit to tease, feeling brave, I squeeze his cock  

“When this is near, yes…” I lick my lips

“Damn!” he smiles, then his mouth crushes mine again, his fingers driving me crazy, I can feel how close I am again, his fingers stop, his hand comes to rest underneath my other thigh “put your legs around my waist” he lifts me with ease, impaling me as he pins me to the wall, which frees one of his hands to assault my nipple as he pumps in & out of me, the cold hard tiles on my back are a welcome contrast to the hot skin on skin.

“Don’t worry I’ll pull out before I come” he snaps, as if reading my mind.

“It’s ok, I’m on the pill.” It’s like his cue to go a little harder, my fingernails dig into his muscly back,

“Thank fuck for that” He pumps even harder again “You feel so incredible” I can’t really get my hips to move in this position but as he tweaks my nipple, I come hard, digging my fingernails harder in to his flesh

“Conner… oh… my… god!” His hand leaves my nipple & grabs my thigh, both his hands grip hard, pulling them towards him to gain an even harder thrust, he shudders with no words & fills me with his come. Still pinned to the wall, Conner supports us with one hand under my butt & the other on the wall, his face buried in my neck, I am limp in his arms. There are no words to describe how incredible sex is with him, I am going to be so blissfully sore from these escapades. I’ve had years of absolutely no sex at all & then one really bad lay to this, mind-blowing orgasms! Talk about karmic pay back!


Fiction : Fleaz #3

As he opens his front door & ushers me inside, I suddenly feel shy, after what he’s just done to me in the taxi, the kiss in the bar, the kiss in the street, every sexy thing he’s said, there is no reason why I should be shy, especially in light of why I am here. You are here to have sex with him Callan, this is no time to be shy! But I don’t really know what the protocol is with a fuck buddy, can I take off my shoes?

I look around at the décor in his living room, it really suits him, minimalistic, hip & modern but not pretentious. There’s an oversized low white leather couch, a 65 inch flat screen TV & a huge Max Dupain retro black & white print. The walls aren’t white but are close to white, it smells freshly painted but not like it was done last weekend, just fresh enough that I knew he cared about how his place look. Everything is oversized & manly, but I get the feeling it’s not just slapped together, I wonder if he decorated himself, or maybe an ex did it? Do you really want to go there Callan?

Conner throws his keys on the side table then comes up behind me, distracting my thoughts by kissing my neck & putting his arms around my waist, he steps forward making me move down the hallway towards what I gather will be his bedroom. I take my necklace off as we walk, knowing that it might not survive a night of passion. I can’t hold back my groan, I tip my head back as we stop moving once we reach his bedroom, standing in front of his mirrored wardrobe door, one of my hands reach around to Conner’s neck, his hand explores underneath my top finding my breast, he skims under my bra & finds my nipple. I let out a moan, it feels so unbelievably good & so erotic watching him. His hands move with such ease to the hem of my singlet, as he lifts it over my head, he makes eye contact with me in the mirror, I am so self-conscious that I try to cover my fairly flat stomach, yet I can’t break eye contact with him, he pulls my hands down to my side as his hands continue to the back of my skirt, his hands reach the zip of my skirt & he pulls it down, letting it fall in a puddle around my feet, even more self-conscious standing there in only my heels, bra & matching lace g string, I try to cover myself by splaying my hands across my belly, Conner entwines his fingers through my mine, pulling my hands down to my side again.

“You look so sexy, don’t hide” he traces kisses along my shoulder, pressing his erection into my butt & I no longer feel as self-conscious. I turn to face him, lifting his shirt up to revel his muscly chest, he has hard abs that I can see their definition, I pull the shirt up but he’s too tall for me & Conner has to finish taking it off, my hands get a chance to run down his rippled chest to his belt, he kicks off his shoes, his hands pull me close & grabs my ass, he lets out a groan, I have to arch my back & lean so I can continue to take off his pants. I slowly undo his belt, carefully undoing his jeans button, grasping the zipper & pulling it down, without touching his cock. I can feel how tight his jeans are with his erection trying to escape, I run my fingers gently along the top of his jeans, to the side belt loops & pull them down. He helps me by stepping out of them, he seems so comfortable standing there in only his grey Diesel boxer briefs, he doesn’t make any moves, he holds my stare, his hands resting on the band of my g sting, his thumbs gently stroking up & down, this gaze is too much, too intimate. He is a professional fuck buddy Callan, it’s not real! Hmmm do I really want to think about that?

I slowly bring my hands slowly up his butt, my arms under his, my elbows rest at his hip but my hands skim flat up his back to rest my fingertips on his shoulders, I gently push him down to kiss me, he obliges kissing me passionately, his tongue seeking mine, he tastes less of beer now, just a sweet taste of Connor. His hands caress my back & reach my bra which he unclips with ease, sweeping his hands along my shoulders to pull my bra down my arms, he discards it on the floor, looking hungrily at my breasts, he leans down to kiss one while his other hand teases the other nipple. I arch my back again, throwing my head back to give him better access, steadying myself with my hands still under his arms & up his back. He spends several blissful & tortuous minutes kissing, sucking & nibbling on each nipple, giving each the same attention with his mouth & his hand. I can’t hold in the murmurs that rise in my throat, for two people who are not in love & have just basically defined themselves as fuck buddies, this is the most intimate moment of my life.

He’s also making deep throaty sounds, like a brief hum, low & deep in his throat as he continues to torture my nipples with his mouth, his hands slide down my sides to hook his fingers in my g sting, slowly he slides them down my hips bending as he pulls them further down, he continues his kissing assault in between my breasts, going lower & lower in a straight line, as he reaches his knees, he stops kissing my belly before he reaches that sweet spot, he smiles up at me briefly then looks down to help me step out of my underwear.

My hands find his shoulders to steady myself partly because I am still wearing my heels & partly because I am so turned on I don’t know if I can stand alone anymore, he tosses my g string aside, his hands graze the backs of my legs as he plants soft kisses up my right leg, just above my knee, several along my thigh, his hands reach my ass, he grips it firmly as his kisses continue up my inner thigh, higher & higher, until I involuntary part my legs to give him access, my hands run though his unruly hair, as he starts to lick & suckle on my clit. His hands are holding me firm & keeping me from moving my hips, which are aching to match his rhythm. The low humming in this throat keeps my mind from overthinking about what he is doing to me, I can tell this is turning him on too, he is so good at this, he gently sucks & I feel my orgasm building.

“Yes…. Hmmm…” I can barely form a word, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand up for, my knees are weak, I grab a fistful of his hair, without realising I push his head deeper while I spread my legs more & push my hips forward. I feel him respond with a chuckle & he picks up the pace, he sucks a little harder then laps at my clit with soft little licks, I can barely stand it, I rise to my tippy toes as much as I can in my high heels, but he moves with me, sucking again long & hard “Fuck… Conner… Oh… My… God…” I scream, just as he predicted as my orgasm takes over. That was even better than the taxi orgasm!

As I come back down to earth, I settle back down in my shoes & my hands that are still gripped tightly on his hair let go of his locks, he continues to leisurely lick as I my body sends little convulses in a post orgasmic way throughout my weak body. When my breathing starts to slow down, there is no chance of it returning to normal with Conner around, he starts to stand up, licking his lips suggestively.

“You taste so good” Gah! Did he just say that?  I blush. His finger brushes my blushing cheeks “No need to blush Kristie” He holds both my arms out, while looking me up & down, I probably should be self-conscious but his eyes tell me he likes what he sees “You are sexy especially since you are still in those fuck me heels” Shit, are these fuck me heels? Not letting go of my hands, he pulls me closer by tucking our hands behind his back, it’s lucky he is holding me up, 4 wines & 2 orgasms I’m now ready for a sleep. Ha! I think sleep is the last thing on Conner’s mind.

His hands come up to frame my face as he leans down to softly kiss my lips, he takes a few steps forward, forcing me to step back until I feel the bed against my legs, he sits me down carefully, still feathering chaste pecks on my lips, I feel him lowering his boxers, not wanting our lips to part, he takes off his boxer shorts in record time. Round three! I scoot back on the bed, as he crawls up with me, still placing small kisses on my lips,his hand starts to explore my curves & his mouth comes down harder on mine for more erotic kisses & he finally lays down next to me, I feel his naked erection on my thigh, wow, that is… wow! I reach down to take his cock in my hand, I give it a little squeeze & start moving my hand up & down, Conner rolls onto his back, putting his hands behind his head, I roll with him onto my side to continue my pay back, as I squeeze & pump his impressive length, he closes his eyes & savours the feeling, I can feel him starting to build, it’s such a turn on to watch his face as I pleasure him. One of his hands moves to run over my hair, he grasps a handful at the nape of my neck with a sharp intake of air

“Fuck Kristie” he groans as I continue. “I don’t want to come in your hand” he growls, swiftly rolling over, pushing me back into the mattress. He’s lying flat on me, the weight of him is bliss, he kisses me, will I ever get enough of his sweet tender kisses? Fuck, where did that come from? I blink myself back to the present, as if they have a mind of their own, my legs part & Conner brings his knees up by my butt to kneel in between them, looking down at me, I feel so wanton & sexy, he lifts each foot to his shoulder, running his hand over my ‘fuck me heels’

“Don’t take these off!” Man, that is so kinky! With both ankles resting on his shoulders, he slides a finger into me, as if he needed to do any more prep work, he takes a sharp intake of breath, “You’re so ready for me” I groan, he produces a condom, which he slides it on quickly & efficiently without having to take his hands off me for too long, his thumb quickly returns to circle my clit again & again, while his cock rests, heavy at my opening but he doesn’t move, his thumb is torturous.

“Please… Fuck me” I plead, where did that come from? I’ve never said anything like that to a man in bed before. Not even to my only long term boyfriend Dominic, but then again Dominic never said anything like that to me, He also never made you feel this way in the three years we were together? I’m writhing with pleasure, my head on the pillow is turning from side to side, my hands try to reach Conner’s backside to pull him into me, but they fail only just reaching his sides, but not far enough to get a grip on him. “Please just fuck me Conner.”

“Oh, I intend to.” He snickers, so much promise. My hips try to move, but they only cause his cock to tease me more, as I can feel myself start to build again with only his thumb working me, I let out a loud moan of pleasure, Conner takes this as his cue with his free hand, he guides his cock into my entrance, as he pushes excruciatingly slowly into me, his thumb stops moving, he doesn’t take his eyes off me & I can’t look away, I feel every inch of his hard cock enter me, he fills me thoroughly, just when it feels like he won’t fit, I tilt my pelvis up to accommodate the whole length, he groans. He pulls out just as slowly as he went in “Fuck, you feel so good” He repeats the agonising entry & exit, just as slowly as before, his thumb starts to circle again, his other hand tickling my outer thigh, which is still resting on his shoulder. As his thumb works their magic, he picks up the pace too, I don’t know if I have the energy to come again, but my body doesn’t care, my hips gyrate on their own, I arch my back & moans escape my mouth. His free hand softly grazes one of my nipples, springing it to life & then he pinches it as he thrusts harder.

“Ahhhh… don’t stop… I’m close…” he smiles & pinches my nipple again. I can barely see anything, my vision blurring with pleasure

“Yes… Kristie, come with me” he only has to grind into me twice more before my body clenches around him & I scream out with pleasure. “Fuck you’re so tight when you come” he groans as his thumb stops making circles, he uses both his hands to support himself, resting them on the bed by my breasts, he thumps into me a few more times & he calls out “Ohhhh… Fuck…” He was right, that was incredible! In fact this whole night has been incredible, I don’t even know how many amazing orgasms he’s given me, I didn’t even know it was possible to have so many in one night. How will I ever recover from this when he walks away? Don’t think about that now, live in the moment! Pfft, easier said than done.

Conner guides my legs off his shoulders & slumps between them, on top of me, we’re both heaving, sweaty & totally fucked. I can barely keep my eyes open, Conner is still inside me, I can feel myself still pulsing involuntarily, as I try to take deep breaths & slow my heart rate, I can’t help but think about the last 4 hours, that was probably the most intense, sexually charged 4 hours anybody has ever lived, do I want more? Hell Yes!

Conner slowly lifts his head & kisses me, his tongue parting my lips, entering my mouth, probing my tongue into action, I can’t help but respond to this with my own tongue. He discreetly pulls out of me & rolls onto his back, taking me with him, so my head is on his chest, his strong arm around me & with a thoroughly fucked sigh, his fingers begin to tickle my overly sensitised arm that has lazily flopped on his chest.

“Did that pass the test?” he breaks the silence.

“What?” I look at him perplexed, what test? With both his hands are tickling my skin, it feels so fucking lush that I can’t even think.

“The incredible test?” I can hear the smile in his voice. He wants me to pump up his ego, I’ve never been very good at that, he knows he passed, how he can even ask that when he’s still tickling my skin & my breathing has not returned to normal, so I steal Mr Big’s line from Sex & the city, I whisper “Abso-fucking-lutely!”


Motocross #28

That’s the longest thing Motocross has ever said to me too… This is just nuts. What the fuck do I say to that?! I guess now he’s said it via message he doesn’t have to see me… So I just say a standard “that’s ok” but he pursues this line of chatter about how he’s a dick etc. How he is going to continue you this conversation when he sees me. Ironically we text all evening, he knows I am home, he knows where I live, hell he’s even rocked up here before without really a plan, so if you were really sorry, wouldn’t you come over & make amends if you really felt that bad?

When I mention that he says that he didn’t know he’d be welcome, well I am stupidly still talking to the fuckwit?! Hahaha… I mean surely he must know that I wouldn’t have kicked him out. He just constantly blames his time management skills & that he runs out of time when he’s in Adelaide… Does he really think I am that stupid? He says that he would have come over but I didn’t write back quick enough, I have just started my new job & I am based in my bosses office & don’t know how long that will be for.

He says I’m being mean, I say that I am not going to go easy on him, I mean this guy deleted me after I sent him a bra picture, he says he didn’t but that’s a fucking loan of crap… He talks the talk, he always has really – like he’s to catch me off guard & surprise me etc. He asks me what I am doing, I say that I just had a shower & got into bed. Now correct me if I am wrong, but 99% of men would take this as an invitation to invite themselves over, or start talking sexy. NOPE! Not Motocross… He starts saying things that don’t make sense about shower sex, when I say that it’s not easy with my height etc he says “one day that may change” Like dude, I am almost 40, my growing is done!

We talk about the one & only time he slept over, he is adamant he spooned me, I don’t think he did, I would have to re-read the start of the Motocross story to remember to be honest, I forget a lot of crap or perhaps I block the crap that happens!

He asks if I am frustrated – his code word for him to ask if I am horny, I ask why & he says that he’s just asking, like seriously, the dude can’t even flirt!!! It’s so annoying.

He seems to think I am having lots of sex though & he doesn’t want to cut anyone’s lunch. Well besides Marvel, I am not fucking anyone else… With good reason! I mean if this is what I have to put up with, I am never giving up Marvel! This is so much hard work, FFS!

He says that he has a high sex drive, I say that’s bullshit, he knew he had me for sex, I had told him my sex drive was high, I wanted sex daily, twice a day if I could. He says that he does have a high sex drive when I tell him these facts “Bollicks I do have a massive huge drive just your shitty Sharknado got me scared” Well I spit out my drink, that’s actually funny! Hahaha. I’ve never had a guy come over weekly, sometimes twice a week to watch movies who has such a high sex drive. What is it? Is he just looking for a friend? Does he think I am fat? Does he think I am ugly? Does he not find me sexy, but enjoys hanging out with me? Is he not single? But then how could he see me so often & for as long when we first dated? I just could never work out this guy ever…

We get onto the topic of my vibrators, of course I feel like he’s wanting a snapchat of me using it, which he isn’t going to get, this guy is weird, I can’t figure him out, I can’t figure this out… Another night spent messaging back & forth with ridiculous flirting that I can’t work out… I am at a complete loss with this guy. I say that I am not sending him anything, last time I did he disappeared, he replies “I’m not disappearing btw.” While I don’t believe him, I also am sucked in… so I snap after more conversation “You probably could’ve been here, fucking me 4 times & gotten home every night this week & you haven’t”, he asks if I would have done that & I seriously think this guy has had one to many motocross crashes… Is he broken?

We then start talking about me in what I was wearing the time he came over, acted weird & then left to get his mechanic, he talks about my underwear & stuff, then I get nothing. He reads the message & I never get a reply. A reply was coming instantly, now it’s done. Ok I put my phone down & just assume he’s deleted me again… I need to just walk away from this fucking guy.

The next morning, I get a message & then him saying that he thought I was ignoring him because I didn’t reply, but then he realised that he didn’t hit send… OMG. Does he really think I believe this… I am sick of the messages all night & no action, this is getting so old. But he says that if I have someone else waiting not to let him stop me, yeah right dude, I’d be waiting forever if I waited for him, I wouldn’t be messaging him, being cheeky, if I was waiting for someone else. Is he seriously that stupid?!

In the end I say I’ll leave it with you, have a good day. He then replies to a snapchat of a mess the dogs have made with a fluffy toy, I say it’s all clean & he said it’s a fair mess… I mean this is the conversation you have with a fuck buddy guy with a high sex drive?! He seems to want the conversation to keep going when he asks how my day was & I ask how his was & he says something about studying. “I’m getting my pilot license” If you aren’t laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you! Hahaha… I ask if he is going to buy a plane & he says that he is already looking to buy one. Yes of course he is! What a fucking load of bullshit!

I ask where he is flying me & he says I need a boarding pass – fuck he really can’t flirt, he’s got an actual problem with flirting…

I tell him about how I fell over on my morning walk with the dogs & lost an ear bud, he asks if I am now missing one, but I say that I found it because not all of us have enough money to buy a plane, so he says that he’s sponsored by Skull Candy & so he doesn’t care if he loses one or not… OMG. If I didn’t have screenshots of this conversation, I wouldn’t believe this crap!

He says “I’m pretty keen now tbh” & I ask what, he’s going to have to fucking say it, but he doesn’t, he say “Keeeen for can’t say” with a winky face, what is wrong with him? For over an hour he dances around the subject that I am over it but he says that he’s keen to see me in those outfits. WHAT? What fucking outfits?! I stop replying after saying I’ll leave it with him, that I’ve been hearing this for over a week.

Next day, I get a message “Hey what are you plans tomorrow evening” I have family dinner then nothing why, “Oh yeah okay was just asking” OMFG Motocross, asking for what?! He says he’s just asking in general, I tell him he’s confusing, but then he says that he was just asking if I was doing anything or him – omg finally a bit of directness. He says that he’ll plan to come over but I tell him that he can’t sleep over for morning sex as I have to work. I ask if he’ll have enough time for an activity, he asks what activity. I explain that I am an adult, that I can say sex.

To my surprise, he comes over after my family leave on Sunday night. I have a glass of wine, he brings a can of mountain dew. I put the dogs in their crates (I’ve crate trained for sleeping) & we sit awkwardly, to be frank, I barely remember the evening, I remember him being awkward trying to lift my dress up to see my panties, then puts it down & sits on his side of the couch. He does this a few times before I just take matters into my own hands & turn to him. We kiss, get naked & I suck his cock. He fingers me badly before we go into my bedroom. I get out an condom as we walk into the room & he lays me down & climbs straight on top of me. We have sex for a while, I am no where near close to cumming, ever or at all & we swap positions a few times. He keeps asking if I’m ok, which is quite sweet, when I ask if he’s ok, he says “I’m an athlete.” Neither of us cum but we stop & he just lays down for a while, mainly talking about me turning 40 as my dress is hanging up on the window ledge.

He then gets up & gets dressed – so now he’s leaving without either of us cumming?! However he says that he almost came in my mouth… I let my dogs out to go to the bathroom & he is weird with them again, they don’t jump cos they are tired but he hovers around until they are back in bed, then he leaves saying he’ll chat soon. I say goodbye.

I never hear from him again, about 2 weeks later I send a message “I didn’t realise you were the type of guy to fuck someone & not speak to them again, considering you said you didn’t want to do an activity & just leave…” He reads it straight away & never replies.

Anyhoo… While writing this blog about 4 months later, Motocross has been looking at every single snapchat story & has never messaged me… But FUCK ME SIDEWAYS – I accidentally screenshot a snapchat from our chat, while reading them & writing about our conversations– which sends a fucking notification to Motocross, doesn’t it! FUCKING FUCK STICKS. He looks at it a few minutes later, then it comes up saying that all my snapchats will be stored until Motocross as you as a friend. OMG. So he’s deleted me again! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! This story is over!  


Fiction : Fleaz #2

Here is another instalment of my fiction. Just as I said before, I didn’t edit this much at all… Some of the references & clothing descriptions, I don’t even remember what was fashionable. But it’s interesting to leave as I wrote it back then!

I look at myself in the mirror of the bathroom, get a grip Callan, you’ve given up on the whole dating/men thing, this isn’t a good idea. I wipe under my eyes, pinch my cheeks & finger my hair, trying to regain some of the confidence I had at Savannah’s house when I walked out of the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, you have to face the music sometime Callan! Now that I’ve run off & hid in the toilet blocks like a school girl, what will he say? I wonder if he left the bar already?

As I pull the bathroom door back, he’s standing there leaning casually against the wall opposite the open door, my eyes gaze up & down the 6 foot man in front of me dressed in blue Levi 510 skinny leg jeans, which not many men can pull off unless they are gay, but he makes them look hot. The tight dusky blue long sleeve Element shirt with three open buttons at the neck show off his ripped chest & strong muscly arms, even though he is completely covered. He pushes off the wall, smiling at me, with those sexy dimples creasing his cheeks, as I walk out. I smile back & start to walk back down the hall find the girls. I have to get away from him but I barely take two steps when he takes a double step, stopping me by putting his hand up on the door frame, by my head, essentially trapping me in a corner. Shit, he was waiting for me? Of course he was! He leans down slightly holding my gaze, I stop breathing & blinking, my heart starts to pound harder in my chest. His aftershave is intoxicating, I realise what he’s wearing, Le Male by Jean Paul Gaultier, my absolute favourite smell. This man affects me too much, I don’t want to say no, my god I want to say yes but I cannot go through another dating disaster. He’s not offering you boyfriend status Callan.

“I promise you” he pauses, not breaking eye contact, he’s so good at ‘the stare’ I can’t look away from him “it will be incredible” He licks his lips & looks at mine. Fuck, Fuck Fuck, I am in trouble! I think he’s going to kiss me; I instinctively lick my own lips. I want him to kiss me, I urge him to kiss me. Please just kiss me! I can’t lean in anymore, I am so scared & cannot afford to get hurt again – even if it is supposed to be stingless fun, I can see myself getting attached already. This is not a good idea Callan.

“And what if it isn’t?” I ask as he smiles

“Trust me, it will be!” His free hand comes up to tuck a wayward hair behind my ear; I swallow at such an intimate gesture. His hand slides down my hair to my shoulder, down my arm, ever so slightly grazing my breast as he moves it down my body, my skin tingles under his touch. His hand finally rests on my hip, pushing me gently back flush against the wall. His other hand comes to rest under my hair at the nape of my neck. He is so close to me, I can feel his breath on my cheeks, it smells of toothpaste & beer. “Fuck, you are so sexy Kristie” I melt. No one has ever said that to me before. Lucky he is holding me against the wall because I feel my knees buckle. I know that I am already in big trouble if I go through with this. He’s looking at me so intently & for so long that I start to wonder why he hasn’t kissed me. He takes a step towards me, his hips pinning me to the wall, he moves his hand from my hip to my chin where he uses one finger to tilt my face up towards him. The anticipation of a kiss is so hot, his stare is burning with desire & I start to believe his words. He slowly leans down to brush his lips to mine for a lingering soft kiss, he takes another step in & both hands frame my face as he deepens the kiss, he parts my lips with his tongue, slowly & sensually he probes my mouth. My limp hands finally find their purpose, one comes up to rest on his muscly arm while the other one finds the back of his neck & grazes his hair. My tongue starts to explore his mouth too, his hands move to the back of my neck while the other slowly moves down the side of my body more deliberately this time brushing my breast, lingering on my hip before finally going around my back to pull me closer to him. I feel his erection against my belly for the first time & I feel myself really surrendering to his kiss.

This is not at all how I expected him to kiss at all, with such passion & tenderness. From his proposition, I expected him to be a ‘wham bam, thank you ma’am’ kind of guy. This guy really can kiss!  He slowly starts pulling away & I can already tell that I want more, he kisses the side of my face all the way down my neck to my collar bone, where he feathers little kisses, then back up my neck to behind my ear, I shudder. Fuck, this is so hot! He looks up, his green eyes blazing & dilated. He rests his forehead on mine, staring into my eyes, both our breathing rapid, he lets out a sigh in what seems like an attempt to calm his breath “See?” Both his hands come up to frame my face & pull me in for another kiss. I lean into several light feathery pecks on my lips. He smiles against my lips & finally pulls away, not letting go of me, obviously sensing how weak at the knees I am. All this from just one kiss? I try to gain some of my equilibrium. How is that going to be possible after what was possibly the best kiss of my life? “Let’s get outta here?” he straightens & clears his throat, grabbing my hand but I can barely speak, I only shrug & nod all in one awkward stupid movement. He leads me out to Savannah & Rylee on the dance floor, they are grinning at me like school girls & they know what I am about to say.          

“Whoo Hoo!” Savannah shouts over the music, I can only laugh & promise to call her in the morning.

Fleaz leads me outside of the bar, never letting go of my hand through the crowds, he waits till I am beside him before he starts walking down the street, he pulls me close by tucking our entwined hands behind my back. As we pass a group of people, we have to move off to the side & almost up an ally way, he skips in front of me & swiftly moves me, a few steps up the ally & against the wall, with no preamble; he kisses me hard & passionately. My hands grab at his hair & caress his arms, he hugs me tightly his hands grabbing my butt, our tongues exploring each other’s mouths like there is nothing else left for them to do. As I feel his cock against my belly, I realise how turned on I am & how soaking wet my underwear is going to be if we don’t get back to his place soon. Fuck! What underwear am I wearing? I involuntarily make a soft moaning sound, he pulls back gently, leaning his forehead on mine, he’s smiling.

“That’s a sexy little sound” His fingers run over my swollen lips. “Let’s go, I don’t want to get arrested for fucking you in the street.” Right now, I think I would let him! He pulls me in front of him, both his hands around my waist, I suspect it’s to hide his protruding erection, we start walking in unison, it feels so natural & easy, alarm bells start to go off in my head, I try to ignore it. Fleaz sees a taxi, he grabs my hand & leads me to the roadside, hailing the cab, holding the door open for me like a true gentleman, I write this off as his how-to-get-the-girl-to-sleep-with-you move. No moves required Fleaz, you had me at ‘so are you having a good night?’

“Um… So… What is your real name?” He laughs & I swear the taxi driver does too.

“Conner” I like that much better than Fleaz, he pulls me into his nook & my head falls sleepily on his shoulder I must not fall asleep in the taxi. His hand is high on my thigh rubbing his thumb back & forth, its turning me on even more, if that’s even possible. I squirm slightly in my seat, Conner shifts too, moving his body sideways in the seat, his arm around my shoulders pull me in for another passionate kiss, he places soft trailing kisses down my neck. Fuck that feels amazing, his hand caressing my thigh, pulls both my legs up over his so I am almost sitting on his lap, his hand moves slowly up my skirt, I instinctively part my legs to allow him access, You’re in a taxi Callan, as his hand reaches my lacy G-string, he groans in my mouth, the taxi driver clears his throat loudly, we stop kissing & I giggle looking away completely mortified but Conner doesn’t remove his hand from up my skirt, he just rubs his thumb up & down where he has access. “Not much further” he whispers into my neck, I can’t even concentrate with his hand moving so deviously between my legs, the taxi driver can’t see what he is doing down there, but he’s careful as he continues to kiss my neck “You are so ready Kristie, I fucking love that.” Shit, he can feel how wet I am through the lace? I close my eyes, tilting my head back on the head rest as Conner continues this sweet torture knowing I can’t make any noise, I bite my lip. “I can’t wait to get you naked.” Oh My God! HOT! No one has ever said anything like that to me before. Conner pushes my underwear aside & his fingers delicately stroking in slow precise circles, my hips start to gyrate with his rhythm, my hands reach up to the roof of the taxi, he slips one finger inside me, then two fingers slowly pumping them in & out, his thumb circling around & around.

“Ah!” I feel my orgasm building, Fuck! Really? In a taxi? & suddenly I don’t care, Conner is kissing the length of my neck, biting my ear lobe, his fingers pick up the pace, swirling around inside me, my breathing is so rapid, I can feel how close I am…

“Turn right here” Whatthefuck? My eyes spring open, oh he’s giving directions. I almost laugh out loud, but his fingers don’t stop, they move faster with a more desperate need, his lips return behind my ear – my secret erogenous zone. How does he know that, I always thought that I was weird? But as he continues to put kisses there, I am lost as his fingers slide in & out of me, his thumb toying with my clit, I come apart in the back of the taxi, I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming out, Conner nips at my neck & I feel his eyelashes sweep open & close on my sensitive skin. I shudder & my hands fall down like limp dead weights. I try to control my breathing so as not to give myself away to the driver, but I fail miserably.

“Next time, you will scream!” he whispers so close to my ear, I open my eyes, he’s staring directly into them with a huge school boy dimply grin, he winks & without breaking eye contact with me, he puts his two fingers in his mouth that have just been inside me & sucks on them, he makes a ‘hmmm’ sound & all I can do is blush. Did he really just do that? I am so thankful for the dim lighting in the cab as we pull up at his house, I swear my face is brighter than a fire engine.


Fiction : Fleaz

I posted on my Facebook about a fiction story I wrote & if anyone would be interested in reading it. A few people said yes, so here it is. This story is about a guy I never actually dated & when I recently found the chapters, only then did I tell my friend…

This is completely fiction, some of it did happen as I have written – like the friends & descriptions, but this guy didn’t have a blog post, so this was just my overactive imagination. I will post more if there is positive reaction to this one. I haven’t ever shared any of my fiction work before, except the erotica that I posted on here. This is mostly unedited, I haven’t changed a lot since I wrote this in 2013, except for some grammar things that I noticed. I hope you enjoy!

“That is it, I’m done” I pick my cocktail glass up in a fake ‘cheers’ before taking a long swig. My best friend Savannah gives me a look, a look that says ‘not if I have anything to do with it.’

“No way Kristie, what about Fleaz?”

“Oh My God” I say dramatically “If you suggest him one more time, I’m going to kill you” I roll my eyes. I had met Fleaz a few times through Savannah’s husband & secretly I thought he was really cute but I couldn’t get past the fact they call him ‘Fleaz’, what a horrible nickname! I didn’t even want to know why. He was tall, but then again everyone is tall to my 5 foot 3 stature. His short blonde, almost curly hair was unruly & never looked brushed but it was unbelievably sexy. Why couldn’t I tell Savannah that I had a little crush on him? It might have something to do with the terrible nickname, so instead I spurt my new found philosophy to her

“I’m so sick of everyone coming to me & saying ‘hey Kristie what about blah blah?’ Just once I would like someone to come to me & say ‘hey Kristie, blah blah likes you, what do you think?’ then I don’t have to look like the dickhead when you go back to blah blah & he say ‘Kristie, hell no, not that bitch!’” I sigh & take a swig of my margarita. I could see the cogs in Savannah’s head turning but Savannah had never lived through any of this, she met her husband in high school, I was still on the dating merry-go-round from hell & it sucked.

This year had to be one of the worst year for my dating track record, I was really giving up hope I’d ever find a boyfriend. I had dated so many men with weird stories that a lot of my friends had suggested I write a blog. I did actively want a partner, I was looking for that, but things never seemed to go well with any man that I just didn’t know what else to do.

R: We need a girl’s night out!

Rylee private messaged me Monday morning at work via the messaging system that we probably weren’t supposed to be using for personal use. However this was an emergency.  

Me: I agree, when are you free?

R: How about next weekend?

Me: Perfect! Lock it in Eddie LOL.

Eddie was a game show host & that was the catch phase of the contestants, it was always something we said that made us laugh when we made plans. Since swearing off men with Savanah last Friday night when we a few cocktails, our usual Friday night ritual, this girls night out was just what I needed, dance all night to late 90’s pop music, drink my favourite drink ‘fire truck’ (vodka & raspberry) & not think about any men.

I planned to stay at Savannah’s house, that night, so we all meet there to catch a taxi together into the city, just like old times. As Rylee, Savannah & I get ready, we start drinking some wine. I really felt 20 again, getting ready with the girl friends before a big night out. The only difference tonight is that I’m 10 years older & I no longer care what I look like, I am not dressing in the hopes that some man will see me & fall head over heels for me. I realise now in my 30’s that life is not a romance movie, I can dream up as many scenarios as I want about men & still none nothing remotely close will happen & I’ll be disappointed again. I need to just enjoy being me again, the way I used too when I was in my 20’s.

It feels different to dress knowing there is no way anyone is going to see your underwear tonight, however to make myself feel good, I pull my favourite bra & lace g string out of my bag, putting them on I know this is not for a man, but I feel sexy anyway. I dress in a charcoal sequin skirt, it’s much shorter than I remember but it hugs my hips, covers my butt, enough that I can still bend over & I feel good in it. I wear a plain black singlet, with a long gold necklace with an owl that hangs almost down to my belly button, I pair it with gold hoops in my ears & very high black closed in toe shoes that I know will end up hurting my feet by the end of the night. I never wear a lot of makeup, tonight I have settled for the smoky eye look, which is always a bit hit & miss with me, but I feel like I have achieved what I wanted to.  Rylee looks up from her phone & whistles as I come out of the bedroom, I laugh at her, but inside I do feel pretty good.

As we walk in the bar, the cover band has only just started playing their set, they have been playing around the city for years and they are always good & play a variety of songs so it’s a good way to kick off the night, with a few drinks & some chatting. Savannah scans the place for a table, while Rylee & I head straight to the bar. We order wines for all three of us & we try to find Savannah who is sitting at a table with a blonde guy, he has his back to us & I can’t work out if she’s trying to sneakily kick someone off their table or if it is someone she knows, they are talking to each other & laughing so I figure it must be someone she knows, I can’t work out who it is from the back. Rylee is first to get back to the table with Savannah’s wine, I still haven’t gotten a look at who it is, the table is surrounded by people standing up listening to the band, I try to push past all the people & as I get through the last little group, I clumsily trip over my own feet, stumbling, smacking my hand free against the mystery man’s back, my chin practically hits his shoulder, I almost spill my wine on him as my other hand hits his chest with my wine glass. Fuck! His head turns, inches from my face, his green eyes pierce mine, my stomach flips, I feel like the music has stopped & there is no one in the room but us, then I realise who it is, double fuck! It’s Fleaz.

“Sorry, I… tripped…” I stutter as he still holds my stare, he spins on the stool to face me, helping me stand up straight. There are only three stools, he offers me his, I accept knowing that I may need my feet later for all the dancing, as I slid up onto the stool awkwardly, his hand rests on the small of my back to steady me. I blush like an idiot & he smiles but his hand doesn’t move when I am settled. The conversation carries on, I don’t really hear what anyone is talking about, I am pretending to listen to the band, at least that is where I am looking, but all I can think about is Fleaz & his hand on my lower back, what is he doing here? Did Savannah know he was coming? Why is his hand still on my back?

I hear Savannah say she’s going to the bar, Rylee jumps up quickly offering to help, asking if we want another. This is a set up! They did this on purpose. A blatant set up. I am going to kill Savannah. Fleaz pulls Savannah’s stool a little closer to me & sits on down, our knees are touching. 

“So are you having a good night?” I roll my eyes, what a line! I try to hide my boredom at such an inane question. He smirks at me, but doesn’t rephrase.

“Yeah it’s been fun so far, I love this song” I look around not sure what to say to him, but not wanting the conversation to stop “How’s your night?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“It just got better.” Gah! I blush & he smiles, those dimples! Picking up his beer, he takes a drink, never breaking eye contact with me, I pick up my wine looking away, trying not to think too much about his statement, you misread every situation Kristie Callan, Watch Out! I take a long over exaggerated sip & when I look back he is still staring at me.

“You’re so gorgeous when you’re nervous.” I almost spit my wine at him. I laugh out loud & shake my head looking at the stem of my glass. Me gorgeous?

“What makes you think I’m nervous?” I force myself to look at him & fail at proving that I am not.

“I can feel it” he winks. Fuck! I look back at the stem of my glass. I can’t keep looking at him. I blush, “Can you?” he asks leaning forward & I stop breathing. I cannot speak. “We would be good together Kristie.”

“What?” I blurt out, almost knocking over my wine in the process, lucky it’s almost empty. He looks around, as if he’s looking to see if anyone is listening.

“You’re beautiful & suffering from a drought, I hear, I’m not seeing anyone & could take care of the situation for you.” Savannah must’ve told her husband Cater.

“Take care of the situation?” I raise my eye brows, I wish I had more wine. Where are Savannah & Rylee?

“Yeah” he shrugs “It would be incredible” I laugh, gaining a little confidence.

“Because so many one night stands are” He smirks, I notice how white his teeth are, imagine them grazing my collar bone. Shit, where did that come from?

“Suppose it’s not a one night stand” Whatthefuck!

“I don’t date” I blurt out too quickly, he laughs & picks up his beer, but he doesn’t drink it.

“Neither do I Kristie” I make eye contact & brazenly ask

“So you want to be fuck buddies?” He shrugs again & downs the rest of his beer.

“If you want to put a label on it.  I like to think of it as two single people having incredible sex on a regular basis, without the hassle.” I scoff.

“Without the hassle”

“Yeah, why not?” I blush yet again. Where the hell are Savannah & Rylee?  Could I have some stringless fun with a guy I hardly know, when only a week ago I swore off men? Not to mention that this guy didn’t even talk to me at Savannah’s BBQ a few weeks ago. No, you can’t have stringless fun with him, you will get your heart involved & then we’ll all end up hurt.

It had only been three weeks since my last disaster & I am not sure I am ready to put myself out there again. Really though, what is the worst that’s going to happen? It’ll be another crap lay & I’ll feel shit about myself again. But this guy is beyond hot, he’s so out there with sexual promise, could he really be bad in bed? There is only one way to find out…

“What are you thinking?” his words startle me from my thoughts & I blush, his grin is from ear to ear, his green eyes sparkle in the dim light “You were thinking about how good it’ll be between us?” He winks again. Swoon! I nervously laugh.

“Do you have a contract drawn up for this sort of proposition?” he looks puzzled, I smile thinking about my favourite book Fifty Shades of Grey, oh how sexy if he went all Christian Grey on you! I don’t want to say no to him, I start to think that I might be able to do this if I just had some sort of a time frame, I think I would cope better, if we said a week, two weeks, just at least a date at which I know he will stop calling so I don’t end up sitting around, eating ice cream, wondering what happened & then I would finally pluck up the courage to ask him what happened, I would get the goodbye text: I’m so busy blah blah blah.

“Do you want a contract?” I shrug & I drink the drip of wine in my glass. I look around for Savannah & Rylee, they appear as if on cue. Fleaz just stares at me as they put drinks in front of us, I immediately pick mine up & take a gulp. He stands back up to give Savannah her stool, he moves even closer to me when he stands up. I don’t know if he is trying to touch me on purpose or if it’s accidental. I secretly hope that he’s doing it on purpose because the way it makes me feel with a simple graze of our arms is a small insight to what the sex might be like.

“What are you two talking about?” Rylee asks innocently, how can I tell her what we are talking about, I blush. Lucky Fleaz isn’t so obvious.

“We’re just talking about this band. They are pretty good huh?” I swig on my glass of wine again, take it easy Callan! Rylee starts talking animatedly about the band & other similar bands. I zone out, I love Rylee but right now, I am not listening to a word she says. I thinking about the fact that I am going to have to be drunk enough to tell Savannah that I want to go home with Fleaz & to actually go through with it but not so drunk that I pass out on him. It’s a delicate balance of the right amount of inebriation to be able to pull this off. Can I pull this off? Fleaz doesn’t take his eyes off me, I down my wine & pull a face at the dryness of the mouthful. I stand up abruptly & shout over the music

“I’m going to the bar.” I feel all their eyes on me as I scurry away. I push through the crowd & find an open spot at the bar next to two guys, I take a deep breath & fiddle with my purse to get out enough money for another wine. That’ll be fours wines, any more than that & the perfect balance may be ruined. I pull out $10 & stare at the wine list trying to gather my thoughts. It really dawns on me that I really want this to happen, I haven’t said yes to him but I know that I want to. I’ve had a few one night stands before that were meaningless, why would this be any different, just because it’s with the same guy on a regular basis – as he put it. Why does everything have to lead to a relationship, why can’t it be honest like this proposition where there is no grey area, will he call or not? This could be perfect for me.

I feel a hand on the small of my back, my pulse quickens, my breathing becomes short & rapid. Wow, his effect on me is instant! Fleaz leans his other elbow on the bar as the guy to my left gets his drink & walks away, Fleaz’s face is so close to mine but he doesn’t look at me, he’s trying to get the attention of the bar tender. He orders a beer & looks down to me raising his eyebrows for me to order my drink. His hand leaves the small of my back as he pulls out his wallet, I feel a pang of disappointment as his hand leaves my back but he quickly pays for the drinks before I can object, I lamely try to give him my $10 but he refuses. As he puts his wallet back in his pocket, he picks up his beer, offering it up for a cheers, we clink our glasses & puts his hand back on my lower back. Why does that one small gesture feel so authoritative & hot?  I can’t even turn to look at Savannah or Rylee, they would be ogling & I hate to think what they are saying.  I start drinking my wine & I see them out of the corner of my eye, get up & head to the dance floor, they start moving with such ease to the beat of the music, laughing & having fun. That was supposed to be you tonight! Instead I’m over here struggling to breathe in the presence of Fleaz.

Sometimes I wish I was Savannah, she met her husband, Carter, in high school & they married in their early 20’s. They adore each other & it makes me so jealous sometimes to see the love they have for one another & here I am a few years older than them still looking for Mr Right.

Rylee has been more like me, unlucky in love. She fell for a guy who slept with her & then told her they would never be a couple. When he had nowhere to live, she offered for him to move in with her, she probably thought they would be a couple in not time, but he was just stringing her along playing the role of her best friend. Finally she realised it wasn’t working & moved out, but of course he then realised what he was missing & started sleeping with her again. He constantly dangles the carrot but she can never catch it.  

“So what do you say?” Fleaz drags me out of my own thoughts. I look down at the wine list again, I have nothing else to focus on & I feel like a teenager for blushing. “I have to go to the bathroom.” Like a coward, I down the rest of my wine & push through the crowd towards the safety & privacy of the bathroom stall.

If you like and want more, like & comment on here or Facebook


Motocross #27

But wait there’s more! Yes what the fuck… I don’t get embarrassed easily, I obviously can talk about all aspects of my life, basically with anyone who will listen. I’m an over sharer, I’m an over thinker. But this story is a little embarrassing! There is something about this guy though, for me, he is a mystery & I think he’s probably the only guy I’ve never worked out. He seemed genuinely interested in me the first time, genuinely wanted to see me – even if it was just to hang out. So he must’ve liked me even as a friend, even if he didn’t want anything romantic. He’s not deleted me from snapchat after almost 2 years, looking at every single snapchat – so that either means he wants to see what I’m up too, or is just too lazy to delete me?

I am going though a tough time, I have been fighting a legal case which I settle out of court which pisses me off, my dad has had a heart attack but thankfully it wasn’t too bad & he had a couple of stents put in & was home after a few days. A family drama has also ensued, an uncle got very sick & my dad didn’t want to see him at the hospital, I didn’t want to see my uncle dying either but then when his wife denies my dad & my immediate family attending the funeral, I am devastated. This uncle taught me to drive, taught me the value of money, he was very influential in my life, probably the most influential uncle has died & I am not allowed to go say goodbye because apparently my aunty would make a scene. If I had my time over, I would have just gone to the funeral & let her make a scene! Anyway… it’s a shit time for my family & I struggle to not want to talk to Marvel about it… I don’t of course, I end up talking to Motocross about it.

Covid-19 is also rampant in other states so there is always a change it’ll get bad in SA. I wonder what it is about this guy, he’s so hard to flirt with, he’s awkward in person & doesn’t seem affectionate but yet he comes around & seems interested, asks questions about this he remembers – more than most other guys I’ve dated casually. But yet he isn’t interested. He’s not dangling the carrot because we don’t really have sex, I don’t have feelings for him but it’s almost like he is waiting for something better. Which yeah I don’t doubt that men have done that to me but if you weren’t that keen on someone, wouldn’t it be more about sex?! I don’t know maybe he just wanted a friend or something… Maybe he doesn’t like sex with me? I am fatter than what I think this guy would be with, he seems like he should like grid girls, not someone with a curvy stomach & thighs…

Because of everything shit going on, not seeing Marvel as often as I would like, I subtly say something about him coming over but he daces arounf the subject when I snap & say that I’ve never had to put so much effort into fuck a guy he’s already fucked me in the past, who’s also rocked up at my house randomly, he doesn’t reply but I am in a cheeky mood so I sent a cheeky lingerie pic of something new I have bought & I put my phone down to sleep. I get nothing from him – well fuck you Motocross!

The next day I can see that he’s looked at the snapchat & not replied. Well that’s it then, who cares – this guy was a basket case anyway. I get a snapchat from someone else then I see that Motocross has deleted me! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

I wish I could end the story there to be perfectly honest. But as I am a bit tipsy message a few times on snapchat & on whatsapp, but not reply on either. Ah well, whatever.

A month or so later, I notification “Motocross has added you as a friend, add him back” WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON! I wish I was the type to say my life was sorted out & I didn’t want content for the blog or that I think this guy has something I need to find out, but I don’t, so I fucking add him & he says that he didn’t delete me but apparently I am hard to find. Hard to find?! Is he joking, my fucking user name is my first & last name. I hate that it is so I never give out my snapchat account to random boys. Also my nickname is my nickname, so he’s a fucking idiot unless he doesn’t know my last name, which he does…

This is just fucking bullshit, I mean anyone who gets a new phone just logs into the app & there are all your contacts! Viola. No need to find people again, he’s a dipstick! Does he think I am so blonde that I am that dumb?! I am pretty smart when it comes to technology, I mean I can’t hack facebook like some people we know (hahaha) but I know a thing or two about technology. Correct me if I am wrong!?

So all of this happened in a week… Him coming over, seeing my bra pic & deleting me, but it’s been a month since he deleted me. He says that he’s been mega busy when I say he knows where I live, if he was trying hard to find me, he would have just come over right?! This is just epically fucking dumb. He says that he did reply to the picture of my bra saying that it was sexy or something, but I don’t believe him.

What fucks me off is that today was a great day, I had finally settled everything with my previous work & after being employed for almost an entire year, I was offered a job today. I had applied for 2 & got one. I was fucking lucky & spoiler alert, 6 months later, I am loving the new job! I have a fancy new job title, I have a work car, phone & laptop again, it’s a 4 minute drive from home so no commute into the city & it’s the pay I wanted – which is a bit less than what I was getting but I figure I am changing careers so I am pretty fucking happy for someone with no experience but many transferable skills from my previous job.

We start talking about hooking up again, he’s so difficult but says he’s in Adelaide this week, not travelling. He even talks about morning sex & sleeping over for that he can have sex with me “unwrapped” who even says unwrapped… He does this thing where he doesn’t open my last snapchat, so I just leave it again. He doesn’t even look at my stories either, whatever dude. A few weeks go by, even though I’ve thought about this guy, I also haven’t bothered about it… What can I do really?!

I get a message a week or so later “Hey you free tomorrow night. I gotta talk to you?” OH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Seriously, what could he even want to talk about. I even question if he has the right person, he takes ages to reply. “Yeah I’ve got the right person. I wanted to apologise actually on why I didn’t respond straight away. I honestly feel like a complete cunt if you wanna know I’ve literally been flat out with racing and I had to get my head in the game and not be distracted plus I felt I dunno but I don’t wanna cut the other guys lunch I guess. I only got back from Canberra disarvo. And I’ve got tailem bend on Friday over the weekend for Supercars. I seriously hate that I’ve messed you around honestly never meant to just I’ve got poor timing. I hope youre enjoying your new job. I do wanna soon make some time and catchup tho. Hope your dogs have been good” Um, yeah right… What the actual fuck do I say to that?! What the fuck…


Marvel #9

I think a few of your comments have summed up this story. It’s boring! It’s the same old same old story. As much as I know that I shouldn’t be involved in this, I have to see it though. I have to see what happens. I cannot pull myself out of it. I want too. But fuck the sex is so good & as you’ve read, there has never been anyone else I’ve ever felt like this with. Not though lack of trying, I am now dating the same fucking men I’ve dated before in the hopes that they will be something more than what they were the first time.

I am so embarrassed that I have gone back to Motocross again, I am embarrassed at the calibre of men that I seem to be meeting, that I seem to date that never want to have a second date with me… I spent the last few years writing about my love life, making a joke of it, making fun of how ridiculous it is… How can this stuff keep happening over & over again to the same person? This isn’t funny anymore. I have stopped finding ways to make a joke of it – this is one of the reasons I am ending this blog, it’s just not funny anymore…

Sorry to put a dampener on my blog, I know I am usually upbeat about the stories, but it’s hard to be upbeat about this one – Marvel spends less & less time online, which I have come to terms with. I figure that I know what I am getting with him & if I am ok with that, then I have to accept this or move on.

I have a fair few notches on my bedpost, I don’t want to keep adding to that & so if I want to have sex, good sex, mind blowing sex then Marvel is my access to off the charts sex. I know what I am getting with him. He is not committed to me, he probably lies to me this time around, but it is what it is…

His first wedding anniversary is coming up, I assume I won’t hear from him or see him for the rest of this month but to my surprise he invites me over less than a week before & luckily being still unemployed, I am running my little hobby business but I don’t do much besides trying to train two puppies, with a friend & her baby living with me, while also fighting a legal case but besides all that, I am free whenever he asks basically. Hahaha!

We have sex on his couch, it’s always amazing – I honestly have no new ways to describe the sex with Marvel & the word amazing doesn’t seem to do it justice. Every time we touch there is electricity that never dulls, every time we kiss I can’t imagine myself kissing anyone else – even when I do, I usually think of Marvel. Every time we collide it’s like no one else in the word has ever had sex this way before…

A sporadic catch up a few weeks later, he’s made a little bed up on the floor again with his sons mattress covered in towels but I walk in the door & he pushes me against the wall – I love when he does this, making me saturated as he dominates me with a simple push aganist the wall with passion… We all 69 for the first time in a long time & I realise how much I love his cock in my mouth while he is sucking on my clit… I can barely control my moans, he always says though that he loves when I moan on his cock, something about the vibrations…

I really am not doing very well at describing our sex or our time together, like I used too… It’s so hard because as much as I am in love with him & I can see the love I his eyes, we don’t express it… Ever. I think that hurts me more than I ever let on. I always say that it is what it is & it is, but I still want this man.

When I talk to a friend of his from the chat app, that I become friends with after I have a little melt down thinking she is fucking Mavel but I find out that she isn’t & she’s married but seeing a single guy also but she won’t leave her husband because she’s scared he will kill her & the kids – what a shitty situation. I can see why her & Marvel have become friends. But when she asks me what I want from Marvel, I am honest. I know I want Marvel – I want him in my life. He isn’t ready for me. He may never be ready for me. But at this point in my life I am not willing to give him up. I have made the difficult decision to live like this. I choose this life. I choose to be the mistress rather than walk away.

Something will change one day, I’m sure of it. If that be him leaving his wife or me walking away again, something will change, but for now as I explained to our now mutu friend when I ask her, would you rather have them in your life or not at all? If this is the only way I can have him in my life for now, then I am willing to deal with that.

I may have put this song on the blog before so apologies if I have already talked about this, but almost a year into the third affair, I still make the decisions to stay where I am, to stay involved with this man. This song I send to her & I listened to on repeat after I found it, the lyrics… The fucking lyrics! Every time I try to get my shit together I just can’t walk away. I’ve tired… So until I can stop being so weak, this is what I settle for. I won’t stop looking for something real, something other than Marvel, but for now if this is the way I can keep him in my life, I am willing to be this pathetic woman letting a man walk all over her.


Motocross #26

Who knew this guy would come back? Over the course of about the last 2 years, Motocross has looked at every snapchat story I post & it’s like he has a notification that I have posted one because he generally is the first one to look at the story. Every. Single. Time! Now I don’t post much exciting stuff, since getting dogs, most posts are about my dogs (Yes I got puppies!) Hahaha but I mainly post to see who’s stalking me still, which Foodland is too! Hahaha… Weirdos.

After I have a friend live with me for 3 months at the end of 2020 & it ends disastrously, by her moving out like I had been the partner that abused her, I post a snapchat of the room back to how it was before her & her daughter moved in. Motocross replies to this snapchat – which he doesn’t normally do, so I am intrigued. He asks if I’m living alone or something similar. It’s odd because we haven’t spoken in years but this simple question leads to us having a week or two long conversation & him trying to be cheeky but failing, him insinuating that he wants to come over etc. But when I say “Aren’t you a little far away to come over?” because remember he’s from California & he says that he’s been back for 3 weeks but he’s in Melbourne this weekend. Of course he is! This is the weekend I go away for much needed rest to visit a friend with the dogs in country Victoria so I am not available anyway & I wish he was available just
so that I could say no.

Another week of chatter goes by, including a little awkward cheeky talk – talking about sex in his car or sucking his dick, but it’s hard to be cheeky with him for some reason, like he doesn’t give it back or seem interested when you do talk cheeky, maybe he’s embarrassed or something but I don’t know. But he always insinuates that he’s talking about sex, until I’m direct about it then he acts coy.

So when asks me if he can ask me a personal question, I’m intrigued about what he could possibly ask, but it’s just the standard question if I am on the pill that he’s asked me before, so instead of going into all the detail of my tubes being tied etc, I just say I’m not on the pill but I have contraception covered. I reckon this may have been a question the first time around too, almost the exact same way. He talks about the fact that he’s had sex since me (not sure why he needed to tell me that) but he hasn’t has sex without a condom since me… I’m not sure I believe a word that comes out his mouth to be honest but I have no reason not to believe him & I think that if this time if I do end up seeing him, I just won’t get as caught up in it all, like I did last time. I did really like him, I lusted after him but then Silverlining happened & I was pulled back to the harsh reality of the hilariousness that is my life!

On a Thursday after we’d been chatting daily for weeks, he says to me that he’s made a decision (as he struggles with decisions) & says Friday. I just say it’s Thursday dude & he says that he’s decided that he’s going to see me Friday. So of course me being me, thinks about what I will wear, what I will do, I shave & wash my hair, clean my house, make sure the house doesn’t smell like dogs but he starts acting a bit weird. So we’ve been chatting constantly, he’s also been saving the chat. On snapchat you have to click on the chat to save it, I have it saved for 24 hours but he’s been saving each block of conversation. However, he stops doing that & it all deletes… I don’t even know how this happens but only my side of the conversation is left behind & I can’t unsave it… He stops writing messages that I can reply too, his messages are short & sharp, no reply necessary but I try to keep the conversation going thinking he’s either going to bail on tonight or he’ll say I didn’t invite him over. Whatever I can’t even be bothered worrying. He’s got a screw loose!

As you all know I have a small hobby beauty business & it’s Friday night I have a friend/client in the beauty room to do her lashes & as we’re finishing up about 7:00 pm, I hear my phone vibrate with the tell tale sign of my motion detector camera at my house (which I put up after the T**y debacle & probably should’ve had for a long time with Noodle/Silverlining drama too) & I say to my friend, surely he’s not just rocked up at my house?! I look at the camera & see a white car on the road, I can only see the tip of it. He hasn’t even looked at my last message, surely he’s not just rocked up without a word?! It’s been almost 2 years since we last saw each other & he’s just rocked up at my house… WTF.

He messages me on snapchat… I click to his message on snapchat & miss him walking off in the camera but I get a notification that someone is at my front door, he says “so I guess you’re not home then.” I explain that I am at the gym & will be home soon that he should come back or to just wait there (not knowing that he’s actually already left).

However as I’m driving home realising I have no make up on, the dogs need feeding & will be nuts when I get home, when I see his car at the lights opposite me, I am going to have to drive right past him. FUCK… At least I know where he is & I will have some time to get some make up on & the dogs settled before he comes back, if he comes back!?

I race around, I put on a little make up as while I was away this weekend I got mozzie bites on my face, I cover them up & race to feed the dogs & settle them down, when I hear him pull up & I am shaking, things have always been awkward with this guy but I did really like him. At a time in my life when I thought I couldn’t like another guy ever, I actually liked him. This time I am going to keep my emotions to myself, I am not getting attached.

Besides he’s already told me in his message tonight, even though he’s coming back that he can’t stay long – not this old chestnut! Doesn’t matter, I don’t want him to stay long, to be honest I am not even sure what I am doing. Do I even want to do this? This guy was a compulsive liar… One that I couldn’t even figure out. Maybe that’s the intrigue there, I figure out most men, I mean I figured out T**y within a few chats but this guy, I can’t work out what his deal is… I want to know if his story is true & I wonder if we chat if I can catch him out.

He looks exactly the same, only now he’s 35. He is wearing baggyish cream shorts, socks pulled up with slide shoe things, he’s got his usual racing style jacket & a hat on – he looks like he’s trying to dress like he’s 25. He looks identical to how he was & I wonder if he thinks the same about me being that I am the smallest I’ve ever been & I honestly think this is the best I have ever looked including my face & body.

He walks in & doesn’t hug or kiss me or really show any signs that he’s interested in me or happy to be here – his usual entrance. My dogs are excited to see him & he doesn’t pat them, he keeps his hands in his pockets & tells them to get down. He tells me later that he hasn’t patted a dog since his dog died on his birthday – which is something he told me almost 18 months ago so at least something is true to him.

Although this is weird to me because I had joked about the fact he used to fall asleep on my couch & that he wouldn’t be able to sleep himself because the dogs would want to cuddle him & he seemed ok with that. But now seeing him with the dogs, the way people are with animals tells you something about a person. Even when one of the puppies (remember at this time they are only 5 months old) one of them has been outside in the dirt & comes running in & jumps on the couch, he jumps up saying “mud” or something & I’m like calm down it’s just mud, but the way he reacted was like she had shit on her paws or something… He stands up with his hands in his pockets & acts like a fucking animal hater, not someone who adored their dog.

He keeps saying that he won’t pat them because of his dog…I don’t really understand how you can be in the presence of a puppy & not want to pat it, if you’re a dog lover… No matter what happened with your dog or what, all the dogs want is to be patted then they settle. Remembering that I had just walked in the door so they are nuts for a bit until then get their pats with dinner & then they settle… This is weird to me. They say never trust someone that your pets don’t like, however my dogs love everyone, they’re puppies but I wonder if the saying is the same in reverse, never trust someone who isn’t kind to animals? I mean it’s not that he’s not kind, but he’s just weird around them… I ask J-Lo about it later which he doesn’t think it’s weird, saying that people react to their dog dying in different ways…

Motocross leaves after an hour of being awkward, just sitting on the couch, talking easily with me about life, my job how I was fired, what I’m doing now, what he’s been up too – there are no holes in his story from what he said to me 2 years ago, to now… As he leaves he says he’ll message, which he doesn’t – of course…

I message a few days later mainly because I am so intrigued by this guy & he says that someone from the race this weekend is in a coma so he’s been at the hospital for days… I don’t know what it is about him, but it’s weird that he’s come over & now not talking to me again….


Marvel #8

So as you know if you read all the blogs not just the ones in this series, you’ll know that it’s April in the Marvel story time but I told you in Tom Cruise #2 that I am still seeing Marvel in October… So I will go through some key points but like I said the story this time is boring… Well it’s not boring, it’s still the most exciting sex & best sex I’ve ever had, but the crap between sexcapades is a bit of a bore.

Marvel does tell me one day when I am at his house that his wife has unblocked me on Facebook, so I immediately look & block her, while he watches me do it… I also block him – as much as that upsets me to do, I think she might use his account to look me up. I mean I’m sure she’s got other people looking me up – but at least to her & him, I am safe. She can’t do the “special trick” she does to look at all my pictures.

Which by the way, I don’t believe that she has looked at all my pictures but oddly she’s been painting the doors & frames in their house & has painted them the same colour scheme as my house… Coincidence? If she hadn’t of left that note in my letter box & he hadn’t of written that note on my fridge, I would have bet money she came inside that day he brought her to my house, but I’m certain she didn’t…

So perhaps mrs-technologically-retarded (In Marvel’s opinion) has hacked Mark Zuckerburg & able to see all my private pictures & is now copying me because she knows that’s what he wants… Her hair at tbeir wedding was almost white blonde, blonder than me but considering every picture I’d ever seen of her she was brunette, also single white femaling me here?!

Another time I am there he tells me that I would be murdered if she comes home o find me there… Oh good… Here I am vulnerable & naked & he’s telling me she’d murder me if she comes home?! I work out the settings for my watch to send my location to my sister if I send an SOS… I have to of course explain this to her why I am doing this & finally someone knows I’m seeing Marvel again.

He starts doing this thing where he stops coming back online, sometimes for days, sometimes for almost a week. It bothers me at first but he’s been very clear every time I’ve seen him that we can’t get close again. My walls are back up – I trust this man so much – like 1000%, to do anything to my body he wants to never go to far with my sexually, but I will not trust him with my heart again. I don’t even trust him to defend me if his wife came in & did have a weapon.

During this time I also get fired from my job for having my hobby business – yes the job I once loved, I get fired from. Well at least this gives me more free time to be available when Marvel is free. I guess there’s a silverlining for everything! (Hahaha, get it?!) I am unemployed for about a year, with him working part time, it makes it easier to meet with him… We make time generally once a month but sometimes twice a month. There is always multiple orgasms for me, so I don’t even bother looking for other sex, but I will let you know what else happens in my life in this time, we’ll get there before the end of #IBD4U, I promise!

When my birthday (39th) comes around, I make him say happy birthday to me online before the day & in person when I’m sitting on his couch. However on the day when I know she’s at work he doesn’t come online to even talk to me – he doesn’t come online for almost a week after my birthday. This hurts me, but to be perfectly honest, I need to not let the hurt consume me this time. I can’t say I don’t care because I do, I fucking hate that he doesn’t want to get close again, that we have both destroyed any shred of friendship we could have had that now all we talk about is sex. Like real fuck buddies I guess, again that hurts when I allow myself to think about it, but that isn’t often… I pull myself back to reality.

There are some times that are sweet with him though, when he hurts his back during sex & I massage it for ages. I think he likes just being tenderly touched, I doubt once you’ve been in a relationship forever that you touch each other like I am doing to him now… Or when he holds my hand without realising or touches me tenderly, usually it’s rough hot sex but sometikes he let’s his guard down & I feel his love for me… I of course can see it in his eyes but I feel it too. It makes me worker if he can feel it from me too, because I think I am doing so well to be a stone.

There are times I remind him to message me first, to make an effort with me that I might go crazy & when he asks what I’d do, I just say that I’d shop in the store his wife works at with a cheeky laugh. He asks me if I am threatening him, but I’m not – it’s just a friendly reminder that if he is going to keep fucking me, he better treat me with a little respect sometimes. I have done everything he has ever asked me to do – all I asked of him was for him to protect my identity which he failed miserably in some many ways… I am not going to ruin his life for him, he’s doing a bang up job if that himself!

Weirdly one day we talk a lot about T**y & what a liar he was & I go into a lot of details. But as a hilarious twist of fate in my story, Marvel happens to meet T**y’s partner on a chat site (assuming the anonymous app – but he won’t admit that to me) a few months later & she tells him about me, well the little that she knows. This actually makes Marvel come back online a lot & even late at night, he’s such a gossip that he copies & pastes things she says to him & sends to me… I actually like the conversation I’m not having with Marvel because it’s not just about sex. However it is about some fuckwit I dated & fuck me she sends Marvel a picture of them both so then Marvel acts like a weirdo about how fat he is & how buff T**y is, that I should be with someone like T**y. Well maybe I should be with someone like that looks like that, but I am not & nor do I want to be with someone who looks like that.

When Marvel asks me over to his house on a Sunday morning, I am intrigued. I don’t think about it, I just say yes but I do ask where the kids are, he says they’ve had a sleepover & she’s at work. Seems weird to me that they have a sleepover only a few weeks before their first wedding anniversary but I don’t think much of it. When I get there Marvel has made a little bed in the lounge room with his sons mattress… FUCK!

We’ve only been having sex on his games area couch & it’s been good but fuck I am so excited to fuck him lying down. The thing that fucks me off – not in a good way is that he’s gone to this trouble of getting a bed, putting towels on it for me to squirt & had been talking about fucking me multiple times, hard… But of course, my period comes & he gets blood on his cock & he won’t touch me again… This is when I discover the sponge! Next time I have sex with him & my period is due, I pop in the sponge & it works amazingly! However this time, Marvel won’t touch me again & I am super horny, he’s seeing me at 9:30 am when we usually catch up around lunch, mornings are my favourite time for sex… Hmmmm Morning sex! Hahaha… Fuck I love morning sex!!

Are you happy with this style of update with Marvel, or do you want me to go into more details in the next one?!


Tom Cruise #2

So I’m going to jump ahead a bit & I’ll mix up my timeline moving forward because let’s face it, the Marvel story is boring & predictable… Chat for days, tease each other till he asks when I’m free, then have hot sex – the hottest sex anyone has ever had then chat about it for days until we fuck again… So this is around spring 2020, I’m still in this cycle with Marvel (spoiler alert!) & for some reason – since it’s gone so well in the past (Hahaha) – I decide to give online dating a go again…

I see Tom Cruise pop up & we match, I only swiped to see if he’d swiped & he had, so we matched… We chatted & we decide to meet… WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I am now dating the same men again years later – 2020 really is fucked!… I have dated everyone in Adelaide that I am now going through them again!? OH MY FUCKING GOD! Hahaha…

Do you remember this freaking character? Well if you don’t I suggest you go back & read Tom Cruise, then you have every right to scream at me “What the fuck are you doing #IBD4U?” before you read this! I do also talk about Tom Cruise in the podcast I am on – have a listen.

So I mean my life choices aren’t great, lets be honest. Don’t think for a second that I think I am completely sane, I know I must be some sort of crazy to be going back here again… But I am stupidly involved with my married ex-boyfriend who I still have feelings for but refuse to admit that to him & no one knows I am seeing him again so what else do you do? You find a weirdo that you match with – that you’ve disastrously dated before & you date them again! Life choices are not my strong suit, apparently!

Again this dude, who looks exactly the same as he did, who seems to be either pretending to not know me or has genuinely forgotten me. I can’t decide which is worse… I never say anything about having dated him before, waiting for him to say something but he never does.

He is hard to pin down for a date again, not this old chestnut – he always wants to meet a a pub near his house. Since I last saw him he’s had a kid who is about two years old – that he barely talks about, he’s living with his brother which seems like an odd story & he’s so blaze, about it plus his job seems a bit weird too – nothing adds up, yet I still make the choice to meet him. But this time as I am not really fussed about meeting any guys for anything, especially a drunken night of sex – I have Marvel for that. I can actually date & make a man wait. I’ve been told I should have sex with a man for 3 months. I thought 3 dates was a bit extreme but 3 fucking months?! No way… But this time I refuse to be the needy stupid bitch who rushes down to his local pub while he gets to walk there!

He does offer for me to spend the night at his house, he’ll sleep with his brother apparently, or his brother isn’t there – I forget but it was but it was supposed to be an innocent invite & I could have his room. I tell him I have to be up early as friends are coming over to help me paint my house before my new carpets are installed the following week & he says that it’s ok, he has to be up at 4:00am! Oh good, what an awesome sleepover – having to leave at 4am like a booty call or hooker. NO THANKS.

We take a while to make the time to meet, it’s not easy when I’m a stubborn fuck & he’s a weirdo. Finally he agrees to meet me at a pub closer to me. It’s during a Covid-19 bullshit time (around the time that Adelaide’s 6 day lockdown was only 3 days in the end) where you have to sit & drink, the pub is packed & so we have to sit in a doorway/hallway on a stack of chairs away from everything & the atmosphere of the place.

Despite my previous experience with his dude, I actually enjoy talking to him face to face, he’s different & while he makes it awkward a few times by telling me I’m difficult or something like that, but it’s more banter than him being a complete ass. The most awkward part is that we are basically sitting in a fucking hall way. He drinks 3 beers pretty quickly & I am reminded that I think this guy has a drinking problem. When he says that he needs to go fairly early in the evening, while we’re having what I think is a good time, I think he’s obviously not had a good time.

He’d been going out for cigarettes, not having to go far being we were in a door vestibule of the hotel & he always returned quickly, engaging in the conversation & apologising for his filthy habit… Something he didn’t apologise for on the first date. I mean I am about 15kgs lighter, I do dress differently, I am very different to when I met him the first time. I look the best I have ever looked, I feel the best I have ever looked – despite some personal issues (mainly work related) which I’ll tell you all about soon. Maybe I was part of the problem last time? Well of course I was, I mean I was seeing Noodle & trying to not fall in love with him but this guy is also different to the first time I met him. He seems to have more feeling – perhaps having a daughter changed the way he dates too?

When we leave, he walks me to my car, having a cigarette on the way, we stand outside by my car, I see clearly for the first time that night, that he’s really cute, quite tall & as he leans in to kiss me, properly kiss me, I find myself kissing him back… It’s the first man to kiss me besides Marvel in a really long time…. I’d like to say that it felt good but he tastes like cigarettes – as a non smoker myself, it’s foul & makes me pull away. We go our separate ways but I am surprised to find a text & texts all evening from him – but it begs the question ‘why did he have to rush off?’ Well my theory because his messages get more garbled, I know he’s home drinking. I felt like this dude had a drinking problem when I dated him last time. I see nothing has changed.

We try to catch up again but yet again he wants me to come to him at his local pub which I refuse so he tells me I am being difficult but I am not trying to play a game, I am just not that interested in watching someone get smashed while I have to drive home. We never end up catching up again. A few weeks later he messages me randomly asking me if we’re ok, it makes me laugh, so I say that we’re not ok as it’s our 2 month anniversary & he forgot. We laugh & message a few more times but to put you all out of your misery – Tom Cruise, is not my ever after… If I get an ever after!

But between now & the end of I’ve Been Dating For You (which is happening!), I never hear from Tom Cruise again, nor do I try to reach out. This is why I am so entwined with Marvel & refuse to give him up – it’s easy, not fake, he’s not committed to me so if he’s lying to me it doesn’t really matter, there are no games. It is what it is. Nothing should be that hard to try to meet up with someone, imagine trying to have a actual relationship with Tom Cruise? As much as I enjoyed the date we had, there are too many red flags & while I usually just see them as obstacles that I just put to the side, this time I see them for what they are. WOW, see how much I’ve grown! Hahaha… Maybe it is possible for me to have a successful relationship that I deserve after all?!