July & August 2025 – Japan
31 July 2025 – In the morning, despite being in the mindset that I don’t want to be an obligation, if he doesn’t want to call, then he doesn’t have too. But my sassiness overrides my need for not being an obligation “He came with you to pick up your daughter?? & you snapped me? How did you explain that pic then? Anyway whatever, your not obliged to chat or call. So you do what you need to do.” He says “Okay well good Morning sexy bitch !” but again today I’m getting sporadic messages at best, hours in between, is he at work? Is he off? I don’t want him to have to send me his roster, but it definitely helped – or did it?! I don’t want to see it so I can track him, his wife does that enough for both of us, I don’t have to worry about him cheating on me, but I think it helps because otherwise I just assume he’s up at 4:00am & doesn’t write to me till 8:00am & I feel like I am so insignificant, being that is the only time he gets to actually write to me.
He asks around 12:00pm if I am going to call, but I am in training till 1:30pm, so as I am walking to the car I say that I am on my way home, not knowing his schedule so I don’t want to call, is his kid home, is she home now, is he working till 3:00pm? So I wait for him to read the message & it takes him over 30 mins to which he just says, “Ahh if you are home before 3 give me a call.” Oh ok, so he doesn’t want to talk to me while I’m driving, he can see I am driving home from Murray Bridge so I am own my way home. I will get home at 3:00pm, so I just say nope & goodnight. Also I throw in that he should have a good weekend, being she’ll be off the whole weekend & fuck knows what his schedule is. He says “ahhh okay?”, I don’t respond for ages, when I know he is offline – I don’t know why I do that, but I do, so I say, being little miss sass “What’s with the ? You’re a busy man with a family & a wife who’s off work, so you can’t chat to me 24/7. So whenever your busy schedule allows, see if I fit in there somewhere – because apparently the hour drive home wasn’t fitting in with your life for a call… But I wouldn’t know that would I? 🤷♀️” I honestly don’t know how long I can keep this up for, I wish sometimes that he would just end it because I sure as fuck am not able too.
At 9:00 pm again, tonight, he is posting on his Facebook page – so much for ‘always’ struggling to stay awake & ‘always’ being asleep before 9:00pm & forcing himself to wake up to chat to me. What a fucking piece of shit liar. Before he can bullshit me & say that it’s one of his other admins, his post has Papa Roach lyrics so I know it’s him & his post are obviously him & his other admin posts are very clearly written differently.
01 August 2025 – You all know I love travel. I am a travel bug. I want to travel as much as I can. However, in 2023 my passport expired & I haven’t renewed it. I also haven’t been overseas since I went to Hawaii in 2017, way back in affair number one, when things were good. Phoenix had mentioned back in March that he didn’t go to the Falling in Reverse concert with his family because it would be too expensive & he wanted to get passports. I asked where he wanted to go & he said Japan to Disneyland. Which is super cool, but back in March I never thought much of it.
My cousin is getting married in Africa in November that I had mentioned that I wanted to go, being I’d probably never go to Africa otherwise. I do the passport application but never have the money to go renew it. I seem to be struggling & not saving so as the date gets closer, I realise that I probably won’t be going, but who knows, I have a new job which pays more but doubt I can get time off in November now. Turns out, my cousin postpones her wedding until 2026, so I look forward to going then!
So when Phoenix mentioned in a phone call one day, (when we had them!) that he has withdrawn $15k off his home loan & he’s doing the passport applications for a two day trip to Japan in October, my heart sinks. He also drops in that his family have an annual trip on the long weekend too, so that’s why he can’t go to Japan for long. His parents pay for this long weekend trip – I forgot to ask where they are going. But I think it’s absolutely insane to go overseas for two days & when he says that he’s looking at staying at the airport hotel so they don’t have to go far, I wonder what is the point? I suggest they go for week & go see some other places, also he says that staying at Disneyland is pretty cheap (relatively) & I say to him that they are probably only going once so stay there.
He talks about the passport process & having to get the pictures verified. I am struggling hard core with this now that he’s actually going to go on a family holiday which makes this situation I am in even more real & fucked up. I call this man my boyfriend. I am not chatting to anyone else. I’m not seeing anyone else, I barely chat to J-Lo or Rob Rob. I don’t even flirt with anyone at all. I am in this, I am in this as his girlfriend. I treat him with respect & devotion. I want this man as my partner but do I really want this to happen? I want the family holiday. Travelling is my dream, my want in life… How could he want to do this with someone else? I am 100% in this with him & I can barely hold his attention & get messages more regularly than 23 hours.
Maybe this infiltrates our conversations after he mentioned it, every time he brings it up, my heart breaks a little – especially paired with his distance, that I pull away a little more each time. He doesn’t get it. He never will, because do you know, if the shoe was on the other foot & I was the partnered one, he would not wait around like I do. He would be fucking everything he could & chatting to everyone – he does that now when he has a wife & a mistress so there is no way he’d wait around! He doesn’t understand why it upsets me that I wait 23 hours for a message with his dumb excuse vomit of the same shit over & over – I can’t chat to you 24/7 (which I never asked for) or I am a busy person (Like I am not busy!) or that he falls asleep early or that he can’t message me around his wife. He doesn’t understand that when he is in a time frame that he can message me in, that it fucks me off that I am not on his radar to message me. He says he thinks about me all the time, but how can that be true if he can take so many hours to write back to me? I obviously have notifications on, so I see it on my watch & then I’m a fucking fuckwit that can’t leave the message there unread. So I think I’ll half swipe to read it, but then I think he’ll see I’ve been online, so I read it & decide to leave it on read but then I don’t want to play a game so I reply, thinking the next message will be the one I leave unread. But I fucking write back within ten minutes all the fucking time… & the cycle continues because I can’t resist the messages because I never know how long before he disappears, so I’m a dumb fuck wanting to get in as much messaging as I can.
So when he talks more & more of Japan, I am happy for him but fucking heart broken for me. He is going to go on the long weekend trip with his whole family, then go to Japan & he won’t chat to me at all… When I mention about him chatting while in Japan he says he will fit me in, but he can’t even fit me in when we’re in the same time zone & he has a whole house to hide in & errands to do, so how, in a compact hotel, does he think he is going to message me?!
Our snapstreak ends, again! 123 days… He messages in the morning “Good morning. Im working this weekend both days , the morning on Saturday but thr afternoon on Sunday. Ive missed seeing you and missed our phone chats over the last few days. I fucking hate sometimes that I have to ask you to see me or talk to me my on terms… And its part of the reason I back down when you get angry, sad or hurt at me … I dont want to look like a retard begging you to make some effort with me for you to dismiss me. I obviously back off… and im just not as good as you think I am with conflict. I dont know. All I know is I miss you.” Well fuck. I boost his fixing ego all the fucking time & he can’t do the same to make me feel less invisible… “Well you’ve had opportunities to call me both days (from my perspective) & didn’t. So I’m not going to be an obligation & beg you when I have no idea of your schedule… You know mine, so the ball is always in your court. It has to be on your terms because I am always available when you aren’t so busy. I’m sick of planning ideas in my head of when I’ll see you – like weds for example, I was like I’ll go home instead of the office then Phoenix could probably come see me. But I only got two messages before midday & one of them was to say you son is sick. Then barely anything after that all day. I am not an obligation, so you can talk to me, see me, fuck me whenever you can fit it in. I’m done planning – stupidly in my head & being disappointed. So when I get home from work I say goodbye, because I don’t want to feel like a fool waiting around for you for hours, when you supposedly miss me.”
He says, “I couldn’t of seen you Wednesday and you know I would of ! I dont want you feeling like a fool so I that is very justified. I was hoping you would ring me for your drive.” I don’t think he would have seen me… I genuinely don’t… “I didn’t know what you were doing… Working, wife, kids, mowing the lawn… 🤷🏼♀️ Anyway, have a good day. Chat tomorrow.” He says that he asked if I was going to ring him, “At 12, was 2 when I was free… 🤷🏼♀️ Didn’t know if you were at lunch… Or had a kid home sick still…. 🤷🏼♀️” But he says that he had the day off & that he should have told me… I mean I am not a mind reader & don’t want to call him for him to be offline or unable to talk & me look more foolish! “Same with weds, how was I supposed to know your kids was home sick, with the 2 messages you sent before lunch??” When he says the most ridiculous thing ever, “I need to try and improve my communication I guess.” As if he is capable of that, just as much as I am capable of not getting pissed off when this is what has become of our communication. “Well, it’s always as been & always will be on your terms, your availability. I am always available, always getting your notifications so when I back off because I feel like a fuckwit for begging for a second of your time over mowing your lawns, that you backing off more because you’re being a dickhead, does not make things better & we keep going around in circles… So again, I say goodbye cos I’m not waiting around for a snippit of your time anymore when I don’t know what you’re up too or what you want. Have a good day & night. Chat whenever.” & he says, “Im not doing it to be a dickhead I promise. Chat again soon fuck fish.”
02 August 2025 – I get five messages from Phoenix today before he says “You coming to see me tommorow for a break?” I mean I don’t even know when he’s working, so how could I even know or plan what I am going to do… “Don’t even know what time you’re working to even factor it in… So who knows…🤷🏼♀️ And you’ve been so chatty today, that I can’t contain my excitement to come see you. Enjoy your night.” Later he sends two messages with a photo “You are an easy lady to impress! Sneaky mowing message !” the picture is of his lawn mower.
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 