Dinner – Page 9 – I've Been Dating For You

Guest Blogger: The Internet’s for PORN!

I agree with this 100%… I used to be one of those chicks who was annoyed her boyfriend watched porn, especially when I found a massive porn collection that was never shared with me… But it’s so normal, everyone in their life has probably watched some porn.

Now, these days, I go through phases with porn, I don’t watch it a lot but I like to watch it. I have specific tastes in what I choose to watch too. I even have specific tastes on porn stars that I like to watch too… I won’t just watch anything! But I definitely think that people should watch porn if they like it & not be afraid to talk about it!

I have also recently discovered that my new smart TV’s have internet browsers, so I can watch porn directly on my TV… It’s annoying to use the remote control, so I think I prefer using my phone however, wow, I watched a lot of porn once I discovered that…

These tips are spot on, I used to be a bit of a starfish lover, but obviously had a sexual awakening & am told by quite a few men that I am nothing like a starfish lover! (Which is always good to hear!)

Porn is fun! Porn is fun alone, porn is fun with your partner, even your own homemade porn is fun (yeah… stories to come! hahaha) Find the type of porn you like & have fun with it!

Let’s get it off the taboo list too!

The Internet’s for PORN!

Let me start by saying I Porn!

No, seriously; I really do.

As in I watch porn almost every day. Whenever I’m having some solo time, I’m watching porn while I double-click my mouse.

Personally, I see no harm in it. I know a lot of girls out there are put off by a man who watches a lot of porn, because they feel insecure about their own desirability, but let me assure you that it’s not a problem- if he’s still sleeping with you, he’s still into you on some level.

Internet is for porn sex dating.png

His porn choices can also give you a clue as to what kind of bed play he likes, or wants to try out. It’s the easiest way to work out what you’ll be in for, or what your personal limits might be.

For example, I haven’t minded dressing up like a naughty school girl, but I baulked at my foot slave dressing up like one and getting pegged by yours truly.

It can be a great intimacy tool, too. Ask your partner to watch some porn together, and then act out the scene, or indulge in a little solo or mutually beneficial play as you watch. You can also play a game of hold out, and see who cracks first.

The possibilities are endless.

Porn was one of the best guides for how to be a great lay, and I think a lot of women don’t get past their insecurities to see this.

The Pro tips I’ve extracted from porn for real life application are this:

– keep your hands busy; touch him, touch yourself, whatever. Just use them.

– eye contact; it builds intensity.

– participate and/ or take control once in a while; no one likes a star fish!

– don’t be afraid to say what you want.

Go watch some porn now, if you don’t believe me!

She-Wolf xx

If you want to read her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/113

Erotica: Scene Six – Shower

Halfway though the series, tell me what you guys a thinking of this fiction!

Here are the other instalments to read again or for the first time… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call & Scene Five – Blindfold

Scene Six – Shower

The sunlight streaming through the window hits my face, it reminds me of a movie scene but this is real life.
I feel his strong arms around me holding me so tight, I never want him to let me go.
I try to move a little & he stirs behind me.
As he rolls over onto his back I roll with him, settling in his nook, his fingers running up & down my bare skin of my back.
I snuggle into his chest, with my arm resting across his torso.
I run my fingers on his side, feeling his seemingly flawless skin under my finger tips.
His hand on my back strokes my hair softly in long stokes, when suddenly he fists my hair & pulls my face to look up at him.
His mouth meets mine, I try to pull away, I have morning breath but his strong hand holds me right where he wants me.
His tongue invades my mouth, exploring & teasing me till I moan against his lips.
When he finally pulls away he releases my hair & begins stroking it again.
His hand runs all the way down my back to my bare ass & he gives it one hard spank, I jump and squeal
“Time to shower”
He jumps out of bed & the shower is on before I even know what has just happened.
I scurried out of bed, being tangled in the sheets, he’s already rinsing shampoo out of his hair.
I feel my face drop, he’s going to be getting out before I even get in.
I open the door a cautiously step in feeling self conscious, like an intruder, my arms twisted lengthways over my breasts as if to hide them.
He ignores my presence & continues to wash his hair.
I’m barely getting any water & am starting to feel like a unwanted guest.
He runs his fingers through his hair while it’s under the spray of the shower, then down his body to his sides.
He makes eye contact with me, I instantly feel reassured, I’d never be an unwanted guest in his shower.

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His movements are quick this morning, he has spun me around with my hands on the wall up above me before I can even think about what he’s doing.
He pulls my hips towards him so I’m almost bent over, then he uses his legs to spread mine to the walls.
His already hard cock is rubbing between my legs & his hands reach around to take my breasts into them, kneading my nipples in his thumb and forefinger.
I push back with my hips, letting out a sigh.
“I want you inside me Sir”
He growls as one hand leaves my breast & guides his cock inside me.
I let out a groan, his hand reaches around to rub little light circles on my clit as he builds up some speed.
He’s pounding in and out, in and out, I really struggle to stand still but he tells me to hold on, so I know to brace myself against the cold tiles.
He changes positions and it’s almost like his cock comes up from underneath me.
He’s deep and fast.
My breathing is rapid and I’m moaning, begging him to make me cum.
He switches positions again, taking both my hips in his hands and really starts pounding me.
I cry out from how deep he is inside me.
He slows down, his hand reach around for my clit again & he kisses my shoulders
“Do you want to cum?”
I make a hmmm sound & push my hips back to take him deeper with his slow thrusts
“Answer me”
“Yes sir, I want to cum for you”
His thrusts remain the same speed & depth but his hand on my clit speeds up but keeps a constant light pressure.
I feel it happening, I’m building up, I start to make the tell tale breathing noises & try to dig my nails into the tiles.
My face ends up pressed against the tiles, I start to lift up to my tippy toes, I feel like my nails will snap off the nail bed with how hard I am trying to dig them into the tiles.
“Cum now’
His deep voice commands of me & my body obeys him.
He picks up the pace, kissing my shoulders as he grabs my hips with both hands, riding my orgasm though to his own.
He cries out & I feel his warm cum fill me up deep inside.
His hands rub my ass & then he smacks it causing me to jump, he always catches me off guard.
He pulls me up against him, while he’s still inside me
His hands run up my belly to my nipples which he take in his fingers tugging them.
He kisses my neck and works his way up to my ear and growls
“I can’t fucking control myself with you”

Guest Blogger: Why I do what I do?

I have decided to be my own guest blogger today!

I get told a lot that I am very brave – maybe I am, maybe I’m just stupid! When other women write to me, they tell me that they couldn’t do what I do, I think why not? I’m nothing special. Some have even told me they have been writing their stories too, but aren’t brave enough to share them – even with me!

I was just like you once!

So I started writing… I wrote & wrote all my thoughts, as a diary (YES this is my diary, so please don’t judge the decisions I make!) Then when I was brave enough, I started posting. But the blog flopped because I wasn’t ready & I was too insecure about my dating life – my writing has also evolved as I have as a person since I started back in 2016. I felt so alone, like no one else would possibly be going through what I was. But I was very very wrong! So I started posting again & bam, almost 1000 followers in 6 months!!!

My aim has always been to empower women (& men), to realise they are not alone – you may feel it because we don’t often talk about this stuff with our coupled friends, but you are definitely not alone! Remember in my About Me, my first ever blog post I talk about how much I felt alone while dating in Adelaide, & even reading other blogs, I felt like my experiences were similar but I still felt alone.

I am sure that there are other women out there, whether you’re in Adelaide or somewhere else in the world, who will relate to the things that I go through on a daily basis, who may feel alone but I hope that this will open your eyes to the fact that you are not alone, there are others out there & even though you keep meeting “Retards in Tin Foil”, I still believe there is a “Knight in Shining Armour” out there for all of us.

I also discuss this in my Bonus Post – FAQ’s where I again want to help, I am doing this as a service.

I started writing because so many people told me too but I also felt a little alone in my dating life. Pretty much all of my friends have partners & the single ones don’t seem to have the same experiences I do. But I thought, I surely can’t be alone in this. So I started writing, then finally posting them & now the feedback I get is how relatable it is to people. So if I can make even one person not feel alone in their dating journey, then I feel successful.

One thing that concerns me, is why do you have so many taboo subjects when it comes to dating? I am into kinky stuff, why can’t I share that with my friends or even family? Isn’t it safer if the people closest to me know what I do in my spare time in case something happens? It’s sort of like a woman being pregnant, I watched my sister have multiple miscarriages early on in her pregnancies, but because of the risks & what society tells us to do, she didn’t tell anyone at work or close friends about the miscarriages & went through them alone or with only a little support… WHY? Why do we have to go through anything alone? Why can’t we start the conversation!

Guest post why I do what I do. Dating. Empower

I was, when I started writing (& I still am) scared about how honest my posts are, but I think you deserve to hear the truth – honest, brutal & sometimes very vulnerable… I know that there are some topics I discuss that some people don’t agree with. (There are plenty more coming too…) But I urge you, if you’re a women reading this, we should be building each other up, we have enough inequality in the world without bringing each other down. So when you see a post that you may not agree with, I will appreciate your support as you read my journey.

I don’t regret anything I have done, I mean I would definitely change some things if I had my time over, however I don’t need judgement, I can’t change the decisions I made at the time & remember they were right for me at the time. These decisions have led me to who I am today.

Remember also that these blogs that you are reading are not written in real time. I explain in Bonus Post – FAQ’s why that is. I want to be respectful to the man I am dating, but I also personally need time to reflect on what happened too…

I also get asked a lot how old these stories are. I don’t post as I am dating these guys, mainly because I want to live in the moment & enjoy it but also because I never know what might happen. Many of these stories are quite some time ago, some more recent, they aren’t in any particular order but I do try to keep the time line straight. Especially when posting multiple stories about a guy & when they intertwine with other stories (When I’m trying to juggle men). But rest assured, I do have enough stories over the last decade to keep this blog alive!

I am currently busily writing about the last few years plus still dating to ensure the survival of the blog & find my retard in tin foil but if I do say so myself, my life does get a little juicer as I get older. (They don’t call it dirty thirties for nothing!) So stay tuned, but read at your own risk of knowing too much about me!

I love all your kind words, I am so thankful that my passion project has been so successful to date… Including my erotica fiction!

If you know who I am, I am sorry, but I do always say read at your own risk – So clearly you’re intrigued by my life, or you wouldn’t still be reading! Hahaha. Enjoy!

But more importantly, I just want us all to start having those uncomfortable conversations with each other, lets empower each other as women (& as men) to be supportive, not trying to bring someone down…

Erotica: Scene Five – Blindfold

My fiction erotica… If you follow my blog, surely by now, you can definitely tell why I was writing this?

Here are the other instalments to read again or for the first time… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call.

Scene Five – Blindfold

I lay there feeling so sated but he hasn’t cum, so I know there is more in store for me.
“You never told me that you could squirt”
I go bright red, I am still covered in his now dry cum & also my own.
He touches my blushing cheek
“Don’t be ashamed of it, I love it. Knowing I turn you on so much. Fuck it’s sexy.”
I smile feeling reassured.
I love that he can read my emotions so well & does everything he can to make me feel at ease.
I trust him wholeheartedly.
Before my breathing is back to normal, he gets up off the bed.
I hear a draw open & close, I can’t move, I am so spent from my multiple hard orgasms.
Plus who even knows what time it is.
I feel my head dip a little where his knee hits the bed, he’s kneeling by my head & I open my mouth thinking he wants me to suck him.
One of his fingers rests on my chin & closes my mouth.
He puts something on my head & I realise he’s blindfolding me, as everything goes dark.
I wriggle in my restraints.
What does he have planned for me?

Erotica couples sex

I feel him retreat from the bed & I can hear noise but I can’t work out what he is doing.
Then I feel something tickle my foot, I twitch, I realise he has a feather as it runs up to my knee, making me squirm & moan.
“Do you like that baby?”
“Hmmm, yes sir!”
He runs the feather up my leg, over my belly, across my nipple then up my arm, where he moves to the other arm & comes down doing the exact same on my other side.
When he reaches my other foot, he takes the feather away, I lift my head to try & see but of course I am blindfolded so I listen intently for where he is.
All of a sudden it reappears at my hip, he runs it from side to side, across the top of my pubic hair.
I am quivering & squirming with every delicate touch.
When he lowers it between my folds, I jump & moan, I pull on my restraints.
Without warning he hits me across my belly with a flogger.
I hear the snapping on the tails hitting me as I squeal out, in pain, in ecstasy, in anticipation.
He hits me again across my breast, I arch my back & let out a moan.
I feel the feather still tickling my clit as the flogger comes down on my legs.
in quick succession, he hits all three places again, I keep pulling on my restraints, crying out louder each time.
He keeps the flogger quickly moving up & down from my belly to legs to nipples.
I don’t even notice that he is kneeling between my legs until his cock is at my entrance, dipping in & out while he flogs my breasts only.
I arch my back trying to take his cock in deeper
“Greedy Girl” he chuckles as I beg him to be deep inside me.
Suddenly he stops flogging me & I feel him undo the cuffs from the bed at my ankles.
With my legs straight in the air, he slides his cock deep within me, I cry out as I’m finally getting what I want.
He starts off with a slow rhythm, deep & long.
He builds up some speed holding onto my ankles wide by his face. My arms still restrained & my eyes still covered.
I bite my lip, he tells me how much he loves to see me bite my lip.
He spreads my legs wide, pulling his cock right out of me then slams in deep, draping himself over my body to kiss my lips, holding my legs out.
His cock pounds me over & over, relentlessly.
He doesn’t let me come up for air, his tongue invading my mouth.
Without even trying I am close to cumming trying to pull away from his mouth to get some air.
With only a few more strokes deep inside me, I cum on his cock, moaning in his mouth.
It doesn’t take long before he is riding my orgasm though to his own.
Finally he stops kissing me & I breathe hard trying to regain some normality.
Once we are both breathing almost normally, his cock still twitching in my pulsing pussy, he leans back over to sweetly kiss me, deep, long & with such passion, I realise then that I don’t ever want to kiss anyone else.
He slides the blindfold off my head, looking deep into my eyes, he rubs his nose back & forth on mine before he kisses me on the lips again.
As he pulls out of me, I suddenly feel empty.
He moves to undo both wrist cuffs from the bed & he pulls me against him with his strong arms around me, almost pinning my arms to me.
I know I am safe. I know I am home.
“Sleep now”
But I barely hear his words before I am asleep again.

Guest Blogger: Why Pain Makes Us Horny

As I have been very vocal about the exploration of the kink world & my sex life, including talking about how much I enjoy pain, I have been looking around for some articles to share with you about why I do…

It’s definitely not for everyone, I get that. & I’m not asking you to try it, especially with just a random or inexperienced man/woman that your dating… If you do want to try, make sure you trust the person inexplicably before venturing into this, also lots of open communication!

I never thought it would be for me nor did I think I would want it, but somehow, I really enjoy it. The more I do it, the more I get out of it.

This article really makes me feel better & I hope it gives you more insight as we delve deeper into my kink scene!

Why Pain Makes Us Horny: The Process That Turns Pain Into Pleasure

“I enjoy getting my ass beaten until it bruises. It turns me on a lot.”

This statement isn’t strange in the kink community, but it can sound rather extreme for those who haven’t been initiated into the rituals and activities of BDSM.

“How can you enjoy being spanked like that? It hurts!”

Most masochists would answer something like, “I don’t know why. It just turns me on.”

Not content with this answer, I decided to look a little deeper into the mechanism that can turn pain into an orgasm.

The Mechanisms of Pain

Pain perception, also called nociception, is the mechanism that triggers a response to potentially harmful stimuli through the nervous system.

Pain can have three sources: chemical (like an acid burn), mechanical (like crushing or cutting) or thermal (hot and cold). Any of these three stimuli strong enough to activate the nociceptors (pain receptors) of the affected area will trigger the transmission of the stimuli to the brain. The reception and processing of the stimuli occurs in different areas. The brain then gives you an impulse to move or do something to avoid or stop the pain.

So, when you put your hand on a hot stove, the nerves in your skin send a message to your brain to tell it that it’s burning. Your brain screams “BURNING” and you remove your hand as a result. That’s generally how it works.

Pretty simple, right?

Except it isn’t.

Pain and Neurotransmitters

The way pain is processed by the brain also triggers other things in your body. Most importantly for our discussion, endorphins, serotonin, melatonin, epinephrin, and norepinephrine can all be released following a painful and/or stressful stimulus. These hormones act as an analgesic (painkiller) and stimulate the fight-or-flight response. So, when you get hurt, your brain makes its own Tylenol and gives you a boost of energy to fight your attacker or run away.

Remember how chemical cocktails influence our sexual and romantic behavior? By receiving pain, you are activating a lot of those same chemicals, especially serotonin and adrenaline. In other words, the same chemicals that turn you on when you’re sexually aroused flow into your body when you’re being hurt.

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How Do We Actually Get Pleasure from Pain?

If we follow this train of thought, applying painful stimuli the right way activates nice, floaty, pleasurable hormones in the brain. If the pain is applied gradually and for an extended period of time, you can get someone very high on endorphins. In the BDSM world, this is called “subspace.”

Here’s how it works, from my experience:

At first, the pain level is low: a nice flogging on the upper back usually gets me nicely started. It doesn’t hurt a lot, but there is a little sting. It feels a bit like pushing your body through a tough workout.

Then, when the intensity goes up, it can really hurt. It hurts to the point of cringing, even screaming. Somehow, it’s bearable, because you already have a little flow of endorphins going. When you’re tied up and can’t fight or flee, the rush of adrenaline is also quite a rush.

As this pain is administered, there’s a point at which I start resisting. This is when the adrenaline has kicked in. I start hissing, cursing at my top, kicking, trying to escape my bonds. (I like to be tied up when I get beaten). The pain rises to a peak, and so does my resistance.

Then, somehow, I give in. Once another burst of endorphins floods my brain, I relax into the pain, and it suddenly – and literally – turns into pleasure. My mind has found a new way to cope: by turning pain sensations into pleasure sensations I can withstand the “torture” longer.

Best of all: I get very, very horny.

Nobody is quite sure how pain can literally turn into sexual arousal. It may be one of the ways that the body interprets the sudden rush of endorphins because it is so similar to “typical” sexual arousal. What we do know, though, is that masochism is no longer considered pathological by the DSM (the bible of mental disorders), and that masochism that’s expressed in a healthy and sane way doesn’t require intervention.

If you find that, after exploring some kink, you’re definitely getting a kick out of being creatively hurt by kind sadists, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is reacting to what’s happening to you with hormones and chemicals that make you feel good.

You should enjoy every second of it.

The article link : https://www.kinkly.com/why-pain-makes-us-horny-the-process-that-turns-pain-into-pleasure/2/14117

Origin # 13

The last time I saw Origin, I forgot to mention about our conversation in the shower after we had sex, we were both standing in there, kissing & cuddling, washing each other when he starts having a bit of a D & M with me, writing numbers in the steam on the glass of all the women he’s been with. He tells me that I was the first chick that he slept with after the break up of his long relationship – well that explains why he never could (or didn’t want to) commit to me… He says that he hasn’t slept with that many women either, but that I was the most adventurous he’d ever been with & he really likes me. Awww, that’s so cute, that I melt while standing so vulnerable, naked, in the shower with him. But of course, remember he left that night, while I was disappointed, I don’t say anything to him.

We chat everyday via snapchat & text, working out that we should catch up next week. I am going out with a friend & suggest that he comes along. He declines to come to karaoke with us, but he offers to pick me up from the hotel & take me home. I jump at the chance, I am messaging him the whole night, while getting so legless that even for me, it’s ridiculous. I was chatting to some guy & their friends, drinking some sort of green drink (WTF? I only know this because of the pictures on my phone later) when Origin appears to take us home. He drops home my friend first then me…

I will tell you what happened, however I don’t remember ANY of it… This is all pieced together from talking to Origin afterwards & looking at my texts… FUCK! Origin & I go to my house & all I remember him not staying over. So at almost 2:00 am, as he’s probably still in my driveway, I text him “Thanks heaps Origin, I appreciate you staying over, it means a lot” How passive aggressive! Jesus… I’m surprised he even wrote back to that to be honest. “Dude” (That’s not a good start to a message from a guy) “You made me wait until like 12 to pick you up, I pick you up, I can’t even get a sentence out of you & then drop you & your friend home, I have to go to a family breky at 7, if you wanted me to stay or hang out longer you should have called me & said come get me, but it’s my fault? I don’t wanna argue talk toms xx night” DOUBLE FUCK! I reply – yeah good idea! (I feel you rolling your eyes with me right now) “I don’t want to argue either but you could’ve stayed…. It’s not your fault at all… but you left me feeling like a hooker… tonight was weird” FUCKING HELL, please stop texting while drunk!!! But he replies “Your right, sorry I thought u were heaps drunk & didn’t want a shower so I thought I would just leave. Certainly didn’t mean to have u feel like that. Agreed weird as write it off ok xx night.” Seriously, thank fuck I read it but fall asleep! Why oh why the fuck am I such an idiot when drunk… But why oh why doesn’t this guy never spend the night!

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The next morning, I wake up just before 10:00 am, feeling like shit, not only because I am supremely hung over but because even though I don’t remember what happened, I have this feeling something isn’t right, I fucked up last night… I read through the horrifying text messages… I know he’s been at breakfast with his family since 7:00 am but hasn’t text me, that he is not going too, I don’t blame him at all… So I swallow my pride & text him “Thanks heaps for dropping my friend off & picking me up. I appreciate it, truly. I didn’t realise I was so drunk that I couldn’t even talk?! I’m sorry for last night, everything I did or said or snapchatted. I hope you had a yummy breakfast this morning.” I don’t really expect him to reply either, I mean I was fucking insane. “Hahaha you’re a tripper you were blind. Meh it’s all good, yeah was sick thanks, talk soon you can make it up to me lols” I respond to him “Yeah I don’t remember much TBH… I have a bruise on my elbow. There are weird photos on my phone. I’m glad you’re still talking to me hahaha. I will make it up to you for sure.”

We eventually arrange to catch up the next weekend after my family dinner, but I end up texting him to bail as I’m not feeling well, my biggest pet hate is when people bail on me, so I apologise a lot, which he is ok with it & wishes me to get better. We decide to catch up a few nights later, I am out for dinner with friends, so text him on the way home & he says that he’s bailing on his friend to come over for a red & a movie.

We start to watch a movie that he chooses but it is so crap that we end up playing pool & talking about that infamous drunken evening. He tells me that I was biting him & when he asked me to stop I didn’t (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) & that I was trying to suck him off when he was driving up the expressway, he said that he tried to get me to shower with him before we went to bed, but apparently I wouldn’t get in the shower so he decided to leave… OMG I am mortified… Why must I ask like a douche when drunk!?

Anyway, we drink a lot of red wine before he makes a move. We go into my bed room & I get some condoms, when he asks if I like anal, I have only done it with 2 guys a couple of times who had much bigger cocks than him so I say yes we can do it. Unbeknown to me, Origin takes off the condom & slips his dick in from behind me, unbeknown to him, he is not fucking my ass… He’s sort of fucking my leg, sort of in me, but definitely not my ass. I cum from my own fingers, he cums, happily thinking he’s in my ass & that’s when I realise, he didn’t have the condom on. I ask him & he says that he took it off… Why do men do this without asking? FFS. I’m not on the pill at this point in my life so I have just had unprotected sex with this guy, who is jumping up & getting dressed, yet again not staying over! I’m quite drunk, how can this guy be driving home?

Erotica: Scene Four – Wake Up Call

Erotica fiction is here! I hope you’re all enjoying my fiction, or am I out here on my own with this? Let me know…

So here is instalment 4 of the erotica series, don’t forget to look back over Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call & Scene Three – His Orgasm.

Scene Four – Wake Up Call

It takes me a minute to realise we are at a party, I’m wearing a long backless black dress that he has picked out for me.
I know it is so he can touch my lower back as he guides me around the party with a wine in the other hand.
Every touch sends a shiver up my spine, I love the manly way he guides me around the party introducing me to people he knows, just with a touch of his hand to my lower back.
I sip my wine feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world, on the arm of a disgustingly handsome dominant man.
“You look sensational tonight”
He whispers in my ear & I melt like a teenager at the school dance.
I don’t think I can get a bigger smile on my face but then he pulls me in close to his side & kisses my forehead.
He knows what to do to make me instantly wet, there is no better feeling than a man kissing your forehead & with 50 of his friends close by, I feel so special that he is willing to have a PDA with me.
As we stand there he runs his fingers up my arm, I tingle & I want him, I am wet & I want him badly, I reach up to touch his hair but then I can’t move it back down, something isn’t right, his arm keeps touching my arm, across my neck, then I feel kisses on my neck, I try to move but I can’t, somehow I’m restrained.
I feel my nipple being sucked, I can’t work out why he would suck my nipples at a formal party, it’s not that kind of party, is it?
I try to move again, but I realise I am fully restrained & wet, so wet for him. So turned on.
I feel him lick my clit, then suck on it hard, that’s when I jolt up.
All I can move is my head a few inches off the bed, I’m spread eagled, my leg cuffs are attached on either side of the bed, I’m wide open for him.
My arm cuffs are attached above my head too, I look down between my legs & our eyes meet as he continues to suck on my clit.
I moan, throwing my head back on the bed, I was having a dream he was making me wet & in reality who knows how long he’s been going down on me.
I also don’t know how or why I didn’t wake up while he was tying me up, probably because I was so spent. 052816 (16) I don’t even know what time it is but I know it’s not morning.
He licks all the way from my ass to my clit with a long flat slow tongue, but when he gets to my clit he just flicks it around making me squirm.
“Hmmm, you taste so good” his hands pinch my nipples “I want you to cum in my mouth”
“Yes sir”
“Good girl”
He slides his arms under my legs then links his fingers together over my hips, to rest on my lower belly, holding me still.
His torture intensifies, long slow licks paired with flicks over my clit then a suck, then he licks again, flicking over my clit then another suck, he continues this pattern over & over, I arch my back as far as I can, I start to build up as he quickens his actions.
“Please sir, can I cum for you?” my whole body is shaking.
“Yes”
But somehow he doesn’t stop licking but his words are clear
“Cum now”
I do as I’m told, hard & fast into his mouth, he never stops & my orgasm rolls on, my legs shake, my breathing so rapid that its the only thing I can hear.
I wonder when he is going to stop, I am convulsing on the bed with ecstasy, but he just keeps licking, I’m afraid I won’t stop cumming.
He slows down a little & my body regains some equilibrium, but it’s not long before he is building up speed again & my body is only too happy to oblige him.
“Cum now”
Somehow on command my body does, I cum, writhing against my restraints, wanting him to stop but also wanting him to keep going.
“Stop Sir, I can’t cum again”
He smiles against my wet folds, I know that this was the wrong thing to say.
He nuzzles his nose into my clit then slides two fingers inside me.
He finds my G spot easily & starts stroking me on the inside.
“Please, fuuuucccckkkk”
It’s not long before I am close to cumming, this time I know I will squirt.
I try to wriggle away, I’ve always been self conscious of squirting.
Something only one other man has been able to make me do, besides myself & he acted like it was unusual.
“Now, cum now”
As if on command, my body does & I squirt, cumming hard against his hand inside me, his palm on my clit making gentle circles
“Good wake up call?”
“Oh… My… God… Sir…” I say in between breaths “You… are… amazing…”
“You. Are. Amazing.”

Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60

Milky #9

I don’t see Milky again for a while, I don’t make much effort with him to be honest, I am not feeling it with him. Something has changed, in me? In him? I don’t know, but I realise that what I felt for Milky was just lust. He was the first guy to keep seeing me on a regular basis & since I’ve had some regulars since him, I realise they weren’t feelings for him but more about my strong desire to be in a relationship & loved. It’s much easier this second time around to compartmentalise my feelings, they weren’t feelings, I was in love with that idea. Now with multiple men on the roster & having much better sex with some of them, I know that Milky will just be a friend, we’re very different people, I know I was changing myself to be with him because of my fear of dying alone. I must remember that just because a dude is single, it does not mean that they are the one for me. 052816 (17) 7 months into this weird relationship we seem to have, he asks me a few times to go to wineries or out with him, but I decline for whatever reason, I’m busy or don’t have any money… When he asks me if I want to go to the Fringe with him where there is a rope show, I think hell yeah. For those not in Adelaide, the fringe in a festival in March of every year where there are cabaret acts, comedy shows, music events and even dancing shows, it’s a great time to be in Adelaide, there’s a buzz around the city. When he tells me that Adelaide Peer Rope are doing a show & he wants to go, I get us tickets, I pick him up & drive to the venue. He knows a couple of people, but I of course I know no one but him. It’s weird that he doesn’t introduce me either, he just leaves me standing there awkwardly.

It’s not till we’re out at the event that I realise we are on a date. FUCK. Our first date. DOUBLE FUCK. Do I want to be dating this guy? Why is he blurring the lines? Does he want to date me? Or is he trying to give me what I wanted a year ago? Is this what I want though? I am seeing a couple of other guys, I am now even chatting to Origin again (WTF that’s a whole other story!), do I even like this guy? Did I even like this guy or was he just the first real FWB I ever had? I mean I had lots of guys say they were my FWB, but he was basically the first guy that I hung out with & fucked on a regular basis.

At the rope show I am thinking ‘what if I was here with another guy?’ literally any of the other guys I am seeing right now. I think that it would be less awkward. The conversation is harder with Milky now we’re out & not watching the TV, which is usually what we talk about. He doesn’t introduce me to the people he knows at the event, does he not know my name? or does he not want to be seen with me? He knows my name, he uses it in texts. So maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with me? Why did he even invite me here?

I am absolutely mesmerised by the rope show. It’s amazing, how quickly they get tied up & how intricate it is. It looks amazing. One of them are a couple & I love how it seems like he tickles her skin with the rope or kisses her on the cheek or forehead. I look over at Milky & know that this isn’t the guy who is going to be with me forever – or even the rest of this year – or maybe even month. I’ve been feeling it for a while as you know, but this evening confirms it. I mean it’s taken a year to get this guy on an actual date & even though he’s seen me naked 100 times. I feel so… what is the word? I don’t even know. Yes, I do… I feel so exposed.

We go home to his house that night, I stay over (of course! hahaha) We fuck, you guessed it, at the end of his bed with my legs in the air. What a surprise! Ironically this is very last time I ever fuck Milky, however the story with him is not over! Nor is it the last time I ever see him…

Erotica: Scene Three – His Orgasm

Again, here is my fiction erotica. By now if you’re reading my blog, you can see why my imagination was running wild & why this became my porn.

These are the two previous posts that you may want to read first if you haven’t already: Scene one – Nipple Bells & Scene Two – Eight Spanks

Scene Three – His Orgasm

My knees are weak, my legs wobble underneath my body & I fear I’m not going to be able to stand anymore.
His strong arms hold me as he walks around me, to stand in front of me.
He’s hard, having not cum at all, yet I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cum in what feels like 10 minutes.
He looks me up & down, he can tell I am tired but I don’t think that will stop him.
His face says it all, it’s like he can’t get enough of me, he looks at me like he doesn’t want anyone else, he looks at me with such desire that I feel a shiver up my spine.
He smiles, knowing what he does to me, I smile back, wondering how this man has such an effect on me.

Erotica #3

He runs his fingers from my shoulders down my arms, I turn my head to watch his fingers tickle my sensitive skin & his fingers lace with mine.
He steps backwards pulling me with him, when his legs hit the bed, he sits down, standing me between his knees.
He lets go of my hands & his rest at the back of my knees, before running up the back of my legs to my ass where he moans, a deep, primal groan that lets me know all I need to know.
He grabs my ass, pulling me to sit on his lap.
I bend my knees, resting my hands on his shoulders.
He feathers soft kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, his hands caresses my ass as I start to wriggle in his lap.
One hand slips between us & between my legs to move my lace panties aside.
As soon as his fingers touch my clit I jolt, its so sensitive & I don’t think I can last long.

He lifts my hips up & holds his cock at my entrance, I want to take all of him but he just teases me, wetting himself so he can slide in.
I moan, tilting my head back & his mouth finds my waiting nipple, which he bites.
As I yelp while he slides my hips down so I am full of his cock.
I am ready to move, I am ready to make him cum, I want him to cum with me this time.
I start to kneel up on my knees so I can feel him pull out of me, but he holds my hips still.
He takes my hands from his shoulder which were giving me leverage to move on his cock, to my ankles.
I whimper knowing his is locking each wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs.
With his hands holding my hips still, I have to lean back to stay balanced, he starts to kiss my neck, I moan, he works down to my nipple where he sucks & then moves over to the other nipple until is standing to attention for him.
“Please, I need to move, I am going to cum”
I feel him smile against my nipple
“Baby, you are going to cum… & cum… & cum no matter what” his deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, how does he effect me so much?
“Pllllleeeeaaassseee” I’m begging like a child, trying to gyrate my hips in his lap, his hard cock deep inside me still.
He doesn’t stop sucking my nipples.
“I want you to cum this way”
“Oh fuck, sir can I cum?”
He smiles but doesn’t stop sucking my nipples
“You may cum when you need too”
I start to try to rock on my hips but he won’t let me move
“Please I need to move”
“You will cum like this” I moan, even though I think it’s impossible without some friction, my body betrays me & starts to build.
My breathing intensifies, short bursts, I try to pull my nipples out of his way but he pulls me closer so that my whole breast is pushed in his face.
I try to move my hands but its pointless, all it does is lift my ankles & push me into his face.
He laughs, yet still has a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard till it pops out his mouth with a sound.
He then sticks out his tongue and licks, quickly, up & down, making me huff & puff still completely unable to move but feeling every inch of him inside me.
I scream out with an orgasm that rips through me
“Fuuuuccckkkk”
“Ah thank fuck for that” he growls, without even knowing my hands are undone & I’m lying on the bed, still orgasming, my eyes going blurry…
He’s stoking his cock, hard, I know he’s close too, I can’t move I feel like I am still cumming
“Where do you want me to cum?” I moan, rolling my head from side to side
“Answer me” he snaps
“I want… I… want….” I can’t even get the words out, he can tell, so he rips open my corset
“Hold your tits together”
I do as I’m told having not being able to answer him about when I want him to cum
“Open your mouth too” I open it, poking out my tongue slightly for a taste of his cum
As his warm cum hits my breasts, some also reaches my mouth & I know he is pleased as I stick out my tongue to lick it off my chin, by the noises he’s making.
“Good Girl”
He’s smiling & I am done. I roll over on my side, he curls up behind me spooning me.
I’m still covered in his cum, I don’t want to wash it off, it’s like being branded by him.
I feel like nothing can get better than the evening I’ve just had.

Guest Blogger: The Recipe

I love this concept. I was only just talking about this the other day, the fact I have done so many unsafe things in my dating life & how I have been so bloody lucky nothing terrible has happened to me! I am so thankful for that, however this is a great safety tool that all single people should adopt with their friends.

Code words!

The Recipe

Ladies… have you had dessert?

This question could be life-changing…

Yes, that rich, flourless chocolate cake COULD actually change your life, but have you asked a friend recently if they’ve had dessert?

After a recent spate of great and not-so-great Tinder/Bumble/pick up in a local bar dates, in one of our weekly dish sessions, my concerned friend expressed that she was worried that my sister or myself might find ourselves in a dangerous situation. Obviously we always tell each other our location, his name, photo, any random information about him that we have accumulated, but in this imaginary scenario, our usual “are you ok?” message might be met with aggression where we might be forced to reply ‘yes’, when in fact, we’re not ok. So we devised a plan…

Have you had dessert?

A discreet and seemingly harmless question, sent approximately 30 minutes into a date, with a series of code responses:

*Yes, I had chocolate means the date is going very well!

*Yes, I had vanilla means it’s good, but a bit boring.

*Yes, I had pistachio means it’s ok, but I’m ready to go home.

All of the above answers indicate that we are all good. Unfortunately, for my sister, I like to mix and match, so she often receives ‘chocolatey vanilla’, or something completely different. Sometimes, when I forget the code, she gets things like “pancakes with blueberries”, because I actually had that. Or when it’s been really spectacular: “triple chocolate with whipped cream and extra chocolate chips with sprinkles”. Obviously, all men would love to be this one, but it’s reserved for a certain Canadian gentleman… well, they’re his words, but I fully endorse them

If things are not going well…

*No, I’m thinking of having a chocolate sundae means it’s not going well, but I’m ok.

*No, I’m thinking of having some rocky road (get it? The road is rocky?) means it’s getting worse, be on standby.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split (split… right?) means if I don’t contact you in the next 10 mins, call or come and get me.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split – DO YOU WANT ONE TOO? means get me out now.

And one that we will hopefully never have to use: No, tell Dad to get some donuts means call the police and tell them what’s happening.

We wrote this code laughing hysterically, as my son walked into the room asking ‘oh, are you guys getting dessert?’, but we realised that it’s not really a laughing matter. I mean, realistically, if something were really wrong, chances are we wouldn’t be using code, but it makes it a little more fun…

And let me be clear, this is not about sex… we can have a different one for that

So here I am, writing to you all, sharing stories so we can support each other through good dates, bad dates, heartbreak and excitement and of course, mind-blowing sex!!

I hope you’ll continue to read this and share it with your friends.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures…

To check out this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/9

Just as you practice safe sex, please practice safe dating!

Max #2

Back at my house that night, Max & I have a drink & he goes outside to smoke. We sit outside chatting, cuddling & kissing before we go into the bedroom & because I’ve shown him my X restraints on my bed, that I had just bought recently, this will be the first time I use them. I actually bought them with Milky in mind but he doesn’t seem to get kink at all. Max ties each limb to each point on the X & teases me with toys, he goes though my draws looking for things to play with.

I am not sure if I’ve ever shared this very intimate detail about myself, that I am in fact a squirter, I never realised it until the first time I had sex with Milky, (which also will show you how much my writing has evolved, my first Milky post I never talked about squirting), I squirted with Milky & he had to get a towel & made me feel weird about it, with Max I squirt too, however tonight, Max takes it to another level. For those who’ve ever watched porn & have seen porn stars squirt all over the place like their vagina has been filled with water, if you’re like me & thought it was fake… Guess again! Yeah, that’s not fake! That is real! Apparently I can spray squirt! Max loved it so much, yet I’m kind of mortified, tied up unable to move, he keeps fingering me till I do it again & again…. The bed is saturated & I am soaking wet too, as I am sure he is… Fuck how did he get me to do that?

Max #2

While we have sex, the sexual interaction with Max isn’t about him fucking me, but more about my pleasure & my enjoyment. He seems to get more enjoyment out of rubbing his cock on my clit & making my cum that way or sticking his fingers inside me to make me squirt than he does actually fucking me. While I’m not complaining, this is certainly the most exciting sex I’ve ever had, he also doesn’t cum a lot himself, most of the times we’ve been together, he’s not cum. He focuses on me. I wonder if that’s part of the reason I am enjoying him so much? Because he’s not just rubbing my clit for 5 seconds then sticking his dick in? Whatever it is, this is certainly the best sex of my life.

We talk a lot online but I don’t see him again for another week, I find out that he works for himself & his office literally 6 minutes from my house. I actually realise that I drive past it every single day on the way to my work. He decides that one night that he wants to come to the gym with me… It’s a small gym where he could have a trial week. I am running late coming home from work so we meet at my house but we kiss & cuddle a little that I just say to him did he want to skip it, but he says no. We race into the cardio class & we work out. It’s a tough class as always. He doesn’t stay over that night, which is fine, I don’t expect him to stay over that much, I mean he does have a wife & I don’t always sleep that well when I have a man in my bed. But of course, we have sex! Hahaha.

The next day on the way to work, my Mum calls me before 8:00 am, I know what this call is going to be… My Mum never calls me. I brace myself & answer the phone, she tells me the news I was dreading to hear. That my Nanna passed away this morning. I don’t cry, I can’t… My Nanna & I had a weird relationship, everyone says that we’re much alike in some ways & that’s why we always butted heads. We would see my Nanna every Sunday at her house for as long as I could remember, but since she went into the nursing home, it had moved to my house. I go to my first work meeting, in a bit of a daze but then ring my boss & say that I can’t work & will cancel my afternoon meetings & go home. I plan to be with my Mum & family, but I stay away. I am obviously chatting to Max & I tell him of this sad news, he asks where I am & I say that I’m at home… He rocks up to my house unannounced in the middle of the day with a bunch of flowers… That still doesn’t make me cry. I am not normal when it comes to crying. We sit on the couch most of the day just chatting or playing a joint game on our phones. It’s nice to just sit there & not think about this.

I talk to him every day, mainly because he makes an effort more than I do. He also asks me to chat to his wife, Sweetie. I do not want to talk to her, I am happy to pretend she & their kids don’t exist. He bugs me about it all the time, says she wants to talk to me. FUCK. This is not what I want… I don’t want to get caught up in the drama of this… It seems to be going quite well. Even though we chat all the time, I don’t see him for another week, which is a quick visit between getting home from work & my massage appointment. I don’t really have the time to see him, but my vagina thinking for me, makes the time… He comes over & we have a sexual interaction– sex with him is not penetrative but just him trying to make me squirt, which he does, EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

Port Lincoln

Swiping left & right while away for work, I come across a couple of guys who match with me in Port Lincoln – a town almost 8 hours from where I live in Adelaide. One writes back more, with more interesting comments so I focus on him. I let him know I am only in Pt Lincoln for a couple of days, so essentially letting him know I just want sex while here & I want it now, without actually saying to him that I just want to be fucked – that sends the wrong message to men usually. I’m a lady!

He offers for me to go over to his house, but I am cautious of that. I mean I am very far from home, I know no one here, I have no one to rescue me & no one knows where I am, should this guy be a lunatic… We arrange to meet for a wine at the marina instead. It’s a nice quiet crisp weeknight, he’s there when I arrive & I can tell who he is as he’s the only one in the place on his own & also he looks exactly like his pics.

The conversation flows really easily, I am not sure why we start talking about chicken eggs, probably because I am eating eggs every day at the moment but he tells me they are just a chickens period, well then! That’s a great topic for a first date. OMG what is wrong with this guy! However he is very intellectual – discussing all sorts of my usual off limits conversations topics like politics & religion that I feel a bit out of my depth with his conversation, I mean lighten up dude!

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We drink 2 glasses of wine at the marina, when I suggest that he come back to my hotel room, I have a little room which is quite nice with an outdoor entry, so we don’t have to walk through a reception or anything – which is mortifying doing that. He agrees & so he follows me back to the hotel even though I’m pretty sure he knew where it was. I don’t have anything to drink but water, so I offer him a glass, turn on the TV & sit on the couch with him. We don’t sit there for long, thank god before he leans over & kisses me. It’s really hot, he’s pretty good kisser… We move it to the bedroom area of the hotel room & he goes down on me, I am a bit worried because my period is just about to start – so I’m a little self concious & don’t think this is going to be very good because I don’t know how much I will relax. But fuck! He literally is the best head of my life, up until then at least. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy go down on me long enough without sticking his fingers in to make me cum. That was amazing… Mind blown… Wow, just wow!

He asks me to suck his cock, which I do because not only do I like to do it but I also he’s just literally made me forget my own name. Wow… (Yeah I’m still going on about it! Hahaha…) I suck him for a bit then we put on a condom & have sex. The sex is ok, not quite as good as him going down on me, but still respectable. Just pretty normal sex, nothing out of the ordinary. He then asks me to suck his cock again, which isn’t as good with the taste of plastic from the condom lingering but it is still good, I really like doing it for some guys, he cums in my mouth (why is this a thing I let guys do now?)

We lay there sated, for a little while, not a long time, but we’re just chatting, easily before he gets up to go. It’s quite easy with him, that I am actually sad that he lives in Port Lincoln & not in Adelaide. But I think that perhaps next time I’m out here that I can catch up with him, kind of like a FWB in another town. He actually messages me on the app with his phone number shortly afterwards, so I send him a text the next morning & tell him that I couldn’t look at my eggs the same way this morning after what he said. We text a little, he tells me that he is moving back to Adelaide soon before he goes overseas, he was there with his wife that he split with, now he’s moving overseas. I go home to Adelaide a day later, but I wonder if I’m going to be able to see him again next time I’m in Port Lincoln or maybe when he’s in Adelaide?

Erotica: Scene Two – Eight Spanks

For new readers, I started sharing some erotica fiction that I wrote. Not completely irrelevant to my blogs but not necessarily essential.

I hoped you enjoyed Scene One – Nipple Bells. You may have to read it first for this to make sense as they do flow on from one another…

Here is the second instalment… Enjoy!

Scene Two – Eight Spanks

He leans on me between my legs while I still have aftershocks of my orgasm running through me.
He releases one of the nipple clamps & lightly kisses the sensitive skin, he proceeds to do the same on my other nipple.
The release is bittersweet.
He reaches up to my hands & pulls them down from above my head, unclipping the clips on the cuffs to free my arms.
He rubs my shoulders & I feel so special that he takes the time to make sure I am ok.
He grabs my hands in his hand & pulls me to standing, my legs still spread with the spreader bar attached to my ankles.
I am weak from my orgasm & standing in heels with the bar, I stumble, but he catches me around the waist.
His hands run over my sensitive breasts, while he kisses my neck.
I lean my head back on his shoulder, loving his tender touch.
He whispers in my ear
“Bend over”

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I wonder how I am going to stand through what I think he’s going to do, he clips my wrist cuffs onto the bar between my legs.
His hand rubs my ass that’s poking in the air, I know what he’s planning, he’s going to spank me while I’m standing up.
“I want you to count the spanks out loud, so I can hear you”
“Yes Sir”
“Good girl”
He takes his hand away & I brace myself for the impact.
When it doesn’t come, I peer back to see what he is doing, then he spanks me.
It makes me unstable on my feet, but he holds me by the waist to steady me.
“One”
“Louder”
“One” I cry out
He rubs my other butt cheek & does the same, I brace myself but it’s only when he sees me relax that he spanks me
“Two”
He rubs my ass & in quick succession he hits me twice.
“Three, Four”
Then before I know it, his cock is deep inside me, but then out before I even get used to being full of his cock.
As his cock enters me again, quickly in & out, he spanks me, I let out a yelp
“Five”
He builds up speed, pulling his cock all the way out each time, then pounding into me, I can barely stay standing.
I feel like I am close to cumming again.
He spanks me with each thrust
“Six, I’m going to cum sir”
“You must ask permission”
He tortures me again
“Seven, please may I cum sir?” he groans & picks up the pace, that I am struggling to stay standing
“Please sir, can I cum for you?”
As he pounds into me, spanking my ass one last time he says
“Yes”
I scream “Eight” as if it’s the usual thing I say when I cum
He keeps pounding into me as I cum so hard on his cock, squeezing him as he pulls in & out of me.
As my orgasm starts to subside, he unclips my hands from the bar & unclips the bar from my legs, he stands me up but I am so weak, I can barely stand.
He pulls me upright against his chest, his hands on my breasts again, he leans into my ear
“I’m not done with you yet…”

Cold shower anyone?!

Guest Blogger: 30 Things Women Want Men To Know

I read this via another Blog (https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1094) & I found it very interesting.

I disagree with number 2 personally, I’ve said this many times before. However the rest of these are very true for me too!

30 Things Women Want Men To Know

Posted on May 20, 2016 by MaKupsy

I was really trying to avoid blogging about anything concerning sex but I guess it was highly inevitable. Today I am sharing those things most women wish men knew but simply don’t tell them. My personal thoughts are points 1-10 and 30 and the rest of the points are from the women I asked. Here’s hoping no one takes offence but maybe takes notes instead and make sex something both you and your partner enjoy.

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It is not about the quantity but the quality of sex. Why are you trying to have 8 rounds of 2 minute sex?? One session of good sex is good enough and if you are doing things right and hitting the spot then by all means rest assured I am fine.
Size does matter. For me that is, that motion for the ocean line doesn’t hold water. I am a big girl, I like big things.
Sex in the dark? NO, switch on the light please I want to see what’s going on.
If you have to ask “how was it” you know the sex was lousy.
Do no keep asking me how it was; you are not ready for the truth.
Just because the last woman you slept with liked anal sex does not mean the next woman does. Ask before trying to sneak your dick into my ass hole!
I don’t fake orgasms, if I didn’t cum I didn’t cum, it is really that simple.
Oral sex is a big turn on. Eat that pussy like it’s the cure for some life threatening disease! Note I said EAT not small little licks!
Do not bite the clitoris! Just because it is shaped like a jelly bean it does not mean it was made for biting. That is a sensitive organ, be gentle.
Don’t be lazy, put your back in it!
Take off ALL your clothes. Why do you leave some clothes on? Socks, vest, take it off we want to see all your body parts.
Screaming doesn’t mean we are enjoying it. It can mean one of three things. Maybe we just want to stroke your ego and make you think you are pumping us proper, we want you to stop or it’s actually painful. LOL
We don’t always orgasm, but that’s okay. Do not make it a big deal because if you do we end up faking orgasms.
Sex should not always be about a good fuck. Sometimes a woman wants some good old deep, delicious and slow love making.
Change of scenery will definitely spice up the sex. The bedroom becomes boring. Sex in the shower anyone?
We love surprises; introduce goodies like chocolate, strawberries, yoghurt, edible lingerie…
Take a bath! Who do you want to climb on top of smelling like you were ploughing in a field all day?
Sweat is a NO NO. Show up smelling divine and maybe a different cologne every now and again is a huge turn on.
Do not be a selfish lover, wait for the woman to orgasm.
Do not keep switching tempo. We do like variety BUT constantly changing tempo interrupts our flow. Worst time to switch is when we are about to orgasm. Do you have any idea what it takes to finally get an orgasm??? Do not tempt us to punch you in the face during sex!
If a woman is not in the mood for sex she is not. No amount of parading in the room naked will change her mind.
Foreplay is more than just sticking your fingers up her pussy.
Enjoying sex does not make me a freak.
Sex is meant to be fun.
If you expect to get head you better wash up your dick properly!
Women probably love sex more than men but our society has raised us in a way where showing that labels you a loose woman.
Most women are shy to initiate sex but in her mind she has ripped off your clothes and done all sorts of unimaginable things!
Women are horniest when they are on their period. Some actually don’t mind sex during that time of the month.
You don’t know women like that. Just because your friend told you his woman liked this, it doesn’t mean I will like it.
TALK, TALK, TALK! You must communicate during sex. That way you both say what you want. Laughing is even welcome when things go wrong. That’s the whole point of sex, to have a good time. Give specifics and help each other to enjoy amazing sex!

*Side Note – Remember to practice safe sex. If you have sex without any form of contraception, then you may be at risk of a pregnancy (as well as a sexually transmitted infections).

Here’s a link to their blog: https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/30-things-women-want-men-to-know/

Hope you all enjoyed!

Max

I meet Max, online, on the anonymous app that I use when bored, again not really for dating or adults, but we chat a fair bit, he tells me that he’s married, pretty early on in the conversation actually – probably a bit too soon, at least I didn’t have to probe it out of him for a change like most married guys (Where are all the bloody single men?!) but this one has a new take on married life… He’s in an open relationship – Well that’s one I haven’t heard before, so I’ll give him credit for that at least. But I keep talking to him because he keeps making the effort.

We talk about a lot of things over the few weeks, when he says that him & his wife with another friend are going to Switch, a kinky event that I was still yet to attend as I didn’t have any friends that would want to go with me – but I did want to go. He kinda invites me but I decline as I don’t even know this guy, I really don’t think I want to meet his wife or his friend & him all in the same night, or his wife ever.

When things for the second time are rocky with Milky, I decide that I need another FWB so this could work maybe – in some weird way. I won’t be able to get attached to him, so it might work out being that I am fucking sick of bloody men dicking me around – this guy can’t do anything bad to me really. Can he? We talk about meeting & how I have been kayaking a lot recently, when he says that he wants to go with me. I suggest that we go out together one time, so that’s how he suggests we meet.

The weekend we’re supposed to meet, I go out drinking & dancing on a boat cruise, which docks fairly early & my friend drops me home. I’m tipsy & bored trying to find someone online to come over to fuck me – I’m horny & tipsy, what can I say? I’m chatting to a couple of people & Max – who I am meeting tomorrow around lunchtime for the first time for a kayak.

He tells me to unlock the door, stay in bed naked & wait for him. I say no instantly, but he keeps asking for my address & talking sexy… I have to admit I get a little excited, that I decide to do it. Next minute I’m typing out my address at 2:00 am to a compete stranger, thinking how can this guy just get up & leave his wife to fuck me but he says he’s on his way, so no time to think about that, so I need to unlock my front door, which I do & then I’m waiting for this guy to walk into my house while I get back into bed naked.

He seems to be taking his time, when I get a message asking what number house I live in, when I tell him, he realises he’s trying to open my neighbors door. He’s so fucking lucky that they didn’t wake up & call the cops. A dude lurking around the streets trying to open peoples front doors. Hahaha.

I’m lying in bed, watching TV waiting for him to rock up, I have amazing hearing so have been waiting to hear the door unlock, waiting to hear the screen door to close, I hear nothing & think this guy is taking his sweet ass time from next door, I even look at my phone again to see if he’s typing, when I see a weirdo in my doorway wearing a skeleton hoodie. I jump a fucking mile! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I wouldn’t be surprised if I swore or made some weird squealing noise. Because I’m a little bit shaken, he comes over to my side of the bed to get in but I tell him to go to the other side, he says that I’m abrasive. But I mean this guy has just scared the shit out of me, I’m tipsy & not even sure what he really looks like in real life (he’s walked in with a skeleton covering his face!)

He’s pretty cute, I am attracted to him – well kinda too bad if I’m not, I guess, he’s climbing into my bed. We kiss, talk & cuddle & have sex before we fall asleep. In the morning we have sex again & because it’s good sex, I suggest that we just stay in bed, I don’t want to go kayaking anymore. I’d rather have good sex. It’s different than with Milky, it’s exciting again because it’s not just my legs in the air but he wants to go so he says we’ll go kayaking as we planned. We pack the kayaks up & head down to the river.

We kayak for a while when I realise that the tide is going out because we took so long to drag our asses out of bed. So we sit next to each other floating down the river & he kisses me or touches my leg all the time, just like he did when we were loading the kayaks, he constantly was touching me or finding a way to kiss me without it being too weird. I find myself enjoying the affection to be honest, Milky isn’t affectionate at all really, I mean even his aftercare when he spanks me is lacking somewhat, I am quite surprised from my research of the kink world & what Doms should do after they do any sort of impact play. I’m not much of an affectionate person, but Max literally acts like he’s interested in me, being cheeky & always finding a way or reason to touch me. It’s probably a real first. I mean Boyfriend sort of did that but it’s been a while since I had this type of affection.

When we finish kayaking & he tells me that his wife Sweetie (Her nickname on the chat app), will be really upset that we went kayaking because she really wants to go. Didn’t he tell her where he was going with me? I’m also like why would you tell me that? I don’t want to piss her off – especially since I am enjoying the time with her husband, I suggest that he can borrow my kayaks anytime to take her out.

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He messages me everyday after our first meet & within a week he says that he wants to see me, right now & that he’s coming over. It’s late on a Sunday night after my family has left for the night. We just cuddle on the couch, he’s in his batman pyjamas but of course we have sex – it’s me after all…. Lets face it! It’s nice just to hang with him, he doesn’t sleep over but I enjoy the time we spent just chilling & talking.

I ask him if he wants to go to the movies with me to see Fifty Shades of grey – I had bought tickets & the date was looming & I had no one to take that wanted to see it, this was perfect as I knew it would probably make me horny! He says yes & that he’d take me out for dinner too – like a proper date. I book a table our for dinner & he tells me that he’s vegan. Does that mean I need to eat vegan too? I ask if it’s ok if I order chicken, he says yes but I get the feeling it’s not ok & I feel bad the whole meal, wishing I ordered at least a vegetarian option. Again he’s affectionate, tickling my leg or playing footsies with me, we hold hands while walking to the cinema, that I actually forget that I am on a date with a married guy. It’s been so long since I had an proper date, which feels more like a few months in date, not a few weeks in date. I can’t even remember when I have felt so special on a date… After like a year hanging with Milky & watching TV, this is really really good. He’s picked me up, driven me here. I don’t think I’ve watched a single TV show with Max! When he came over to hang out the TV was on, but we never actually watched it.

We watch the movie with his hand on my leg the whole time. I feel awkward, but somehow it also feels so natural, this is so strange. He’s got a wife & 4 kids! As if I could forget though, he brings her up quite a bit. It’s a good reality check to be honest, not sure if its his way of keeping me at an emotional distance or if he just doesn’t have anyone else to talk about. But at this point anyway, I am so closed off to the prospect of a relationship, so he’s got nothing to worry about. He comes back to stay at my house that night, it’s pre planned that he’s staying over so Sweetie knows of course, but she messages him a few times during the night & also calls him just as we get back to my house, for something frivolous, nothing that couldn’t wait. I mean she knows where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, so why would she call if she’s ok with him spending the night?

Milky #8

I send Milky a text with a picture of some new bed restraints that I have just bought in the last few weeks, it’s like an X that goes on the top of my mattress but loops around under the mattress. I have used them with another guy (stories to come!) & hope that Milky will use with me too! He doesn’t seem to even care that much, just says that he doesn’t take much notice of what’s under my sheets. Well, they’re only new & he hasn’t been over my house, so he wouldn’t have seen them last time he was there. But I do expect that he would have something more to say than the fact that he didn’t notice them last time he was at my house. It takes the wind out of my sails with him a little bit & I am now kind of a bit reluctant to show him in real life. Also I’m reluctant to want to talk about kink with him, this is like the 3rd time that he’s talked about kink with me but never done anything.

I am still constantly talking to Dom, who seems more excited than Milky, when Milky actually has a chance to use them with me. It kinda makes me wonder if this guy is kinky at all. I do more kinky things with Dom & I’ve never even met the guy. He tells me when I can cum & when I must wait, what to call him & orders me to do things throughout the day… This is what I want with Milky.

Interestingly during that conversation Milky says that he takes notice of women’s bed heights, because he likes too fuck at the end of the bed (oh really dude, never would have guessed?!) & that with some chicks he’s had to put a pillow under their ass to be the right height… Really? So it’s not just me that gets this position? WOW. I get that everyone has their positions they like the best, but I just think that’s hilarious that he has to tell me that he likes that position.

While we’re messaging, I ask him to come over, He can’t because his car is fucked apparently & he has to borrow his dad’s car just to get to work. He never actually asked me to his place, so I didn’t offer that up either – assuming he didn’t want to see me. So we just message most of the night. We talk about dick pics again, I tell him that I’ve never fucked a guy who’s ever sent me an unsolicited dick pic, but for some reason, at that time, I was keeping them all in my phone (I don’t know why!) & I’ve also never asked for a dick pic either, I don’t find dicks very attractive – especially from a random guy. I mean I would send pics eventually to a guy but I don’t think that a random cock shot is very attractive. We also talk about a joke of me being used as a piece of furniture – furniture fetish – which yeah I know it a bit weird, even by my standards but it’s a bit of a joke we have. He tells me to pick my top 5 fetishes that I want ticked off & he’ll do them next weekend with me. Will he really? I don’t believe him… I don’t think he’ll will to be honest. I mean so far, every time I’ve asked him to do something, he hasn’t. But I guess we’re more open & honest now.

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The next time I see him, we watch tv, drink wine as usual. I think that this is just going to be the same old night as always. He moves over to kiss me on the couch & we actually have sex on the couch for a change, I am hanging off it by the time we are done… My should hurting, but like the mix up that I am ignoring the pain. Then he actually ties my wrists to the pool table (sorry to my late Pa!), bends me over it, fucking me from behind & then whipping me with a flogger… That’s super fun & I love the fact he’s being more kinky with me. OMG, seriously love this, it’s so weird, who likes pain!? Yep me! I don’t let him tie my ankles to the pool table, he just ties my wrists, like I have said before, I am not 100% ready to be completely tied down yet, I am still really new to this rope thing, I think I will get there but right now I want to build that trust since this is technically the first time I’ve ever been tied up and I do have a bit of claustrophobia.

I am out on a date with Offroad which isn’t going very well, so I message Milky to see what he is doing tonight, I tell my date that I have friends party to get too & have to make a cheese plate, so I best go. Milky comes over to my house, what do you think we do? OMG you guessed it, we watch TV (Admittedly he gets me onto a TV show called The In-betweeners, which is fucking gold. I even laughed in Milky’s mouth once while we were watching it while kissing – whoops) but we fuck like usual, he doesn’t really try to do anything new or be kinky much at all. He spanks my ass a little when he fucks me from behind, but it’s nothing new. He also showers like seconds after fucking me, making me feel a bit dirt or something. Kinda reminds me of that guy Miranda fucks in Sex & the city who showers because he’s religious. Cleansing his sins, or something. Milky does that but never used to shower so incessantly the first time we started seeing each other, maybe this time he feels more comfortable? I don’t know what it is, but it’s a bit weird. Maybe it’s normal & I just haven’t had a FWB who stays over etc as much as he does?!

The next morning, we have sex & we get up, he hangs around & decides to fix my chairs – he had offered ages ago saying that he’s pretty handy & his friends get him to help them build stuff all the time. He has to pull them apart, removing the staples & fixes them, then puts them back together. I literally could not be less interested in what he is doing & lie on the couch watching TV the whole time. He stays till about 3:00 pm which is the longest we’ve been together. It was a bit coupley, him going to my shed to get tools while I literally lay there all day wondering if he’ll leave or why he is so intent on fixing my furniture…

Offroad

I met this guy online, he didn’t have a profile picture up, so I never saw his face & I wasn’t sure what he looked like, but I thought I would try something new to meet men & maybe meet someone that I didn’t like the look of, or even know what they looked like. Who knows where it could lead right? I apparently need to branch out.

But after talking to this guy a while he sent me pictures of his face, he wasn’t entirely my type but I thought that I would give him a go because we did get along quite well online, so I thought, maybe I just need to go for men that I am not as attracted too… I mean when I go for men that I am attracted to they end up being a douche, Origin/Milky case in point!

We plan to meet & I am a bit unsure about meeting him knowing he is a bit older & from his pictures he actually looks older than he really is. I decide that a drink is the best option because I am not that keen & I can gauge how it will be with him & if I want to see him again.

I arrange to meet him at the newly renovated pub where I actually met Origin for the first time, it’s the easiest nicest place around me. Offroad was fine with that, even though I think it’s closer to me!

When he arrived I was already there, I hate being the first one there but then again I hate having to walk around the pub trying to find the person you’re supposed to be on a date with, especially if they look nothing like their pictures. I don’t want to walk in the pub, look around then sit somewhere else while they’re sitting a few tables away & I didn’t recognise them! How embarrassing. Anyway he arrives & comes to the table I’m sitting at. It’s a square smallish table, (this may not seem important, but wait! Hahaha.) I’m sitting at one side of the table, as you do, right. He offers to get me a drink, I tell him what I want & wait for him to come back. I assess the outfit as he walks off, it’s a spring afternoon, so he’s casual, wearing a baseball cap, harry high pants which are light blue jeans that are kind of baggy so he has a belt on that gathers the waist, a pinkish polo shift that’s tucked in so the belt is exposed & his collar is popped… Yeah… You know the type, right… So not the type of guy I like the look of.

I decide not to judge his outfit, even though I despise it. We do get along well online so lets give him a chance before I write him off, clothes can be changed if we get into a relationship, anyway. But when he returns with our drinks, he sits down in his chair, moving it so his own legs are straddling one of the legs of the table & so he’s half sharing my side of the square table & half using his – basically, the corner of the table is poking him in the gut. He sits with his head in his hand, his elbow resting on the table, not taking his eyes off me the whole time, sitting so ridiculously close, it’s so intense that I am weirded out. I don’t know if I should get up & sit on the opposite side of the table but then we’ll be face to face & might be weirder. We talk a lot but he the conversation is very intense about my work & I am conscious not to go into work mode. I start getting concerned how I am going to get out of this afternoon date & stop it from leading into the night.

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I go to the bathroom & message Milky to come over tonight. He’s used me to get out of a date, maybe I can use him to get out of this one. Milky agrees to come over about 6 or 7, so at least I won’t’ be sitting by myself tonight. Now what do I say to Offroad? So I go back to the table & I start dropping hints that I have a friends house to go to later tonight & I have to make a cheese platter. (WTF?) He seems genuinely disappointed but asks me millions of questions about the cheese I’m taking, about my friends & what the function is that I’m going too. Oh my god, does he not believe me? (Well he has every reason not to trust me, I am lying to him right now, but fuck, I don’t know this guy! Take the hint!)

It’s harder than I thought to lie to him, because he keeps trying to get another drink or keep the conversation going, even though I’ve said a few times I better get going. I am petrified about what might happen when he walks me to the car, but luckily I think the vibe I am giving off, he leans into kiss my cheek & hug me goodbye. I know now that I am 100% not interested in this guy.

A few days later, I get messages from him, I try to ignore them because I hate that conversation & surely he got the drift. However he starts to send me cock shots & jerking off videos that I am even more turned off by him. I don’t mind a cheeky nudie picture or two with a guy I am interested in, but there is nothing more disrespectful than a guy constantly sending you his cock when you haven’t even seen it in real life!

I get rid of him by telling him I’m not interested, but over the months that follow I often get a cock shot or a jerking video. I mean I haven’t spoken to him at all for weeks & he’s sending me pictures & videos. The easiest way to ignore is not to read the messages he sends! Sometimes that doesn’t stop them but in this case, eventually he got the message!

Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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“One”
I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
“Three”
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
“Hmmmm”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Four”
“Pleeeeessssseeee”
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Six”
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
“Seven”
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
“Eight”
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/122

Mechanic #4

I take Mechanic’s sunnies with me to work, I figure he’ll want them today, like I said I cannot survive without my sunnies for a minute so he’ll want them back, surely. I put them on & send a picture of me in them & say something cheeky about him leaving them behind. He makes a joke but doesn’t ask me to drop them off or ask to pick them up. Well he is at work so maybe he’ll want them back tonight.

It takes him almost another month to finally want to come pick up his sunnies, we’ve been chatting every day on the chat app, but I guess that him leaving them behind didn’t have any meaning, besides he actually forgot them. I love how my mind made that into something way bigger than it was. We chat about all sorts of things though, I talk to him about the kink that I’ve been getting into & he says that he’s interested in being ‘pegged’ (A woman using a strap on with a man.) It’s around this time too, that I am buying a lot of sex toys, so I buy a strap on online to see if this is something I am into. At this point in my life, I am open to trying anything a man suggests. Why not, this is all new to me as well.

The night he plans to come get them, he says he’s really busy at a friends then has to go to another friends also, he’ll pop in just for a drink but can’t stay. When he walks in with a whole bottle of Jack Daniels & 2 litres of coke, I wonder how much he thinks he’s going to drink. We talk for a while in the kitchen & the conversation flows easily over a couple of drinks, when he finishes his drink, picks up his bottles, says he’s running late to his friends house (yes that’s because he was also late getting to my house) & he gets ready to leave. I think surely he’s not going to leave without even kissing me. So I make a move. Yes unheard of for me, I never do that, I leaned in & kissed him, he kissed me back, so I grab the bottles & put them down, I feel like this is the last time I’m ever going to see him.

We move, kissing the whole way into my bedroom where we have sex, its quick & hot, not as good as other sex we’ve had but I still enjoyed it. He jumps up afterwards & says that he has to go. I am a little disappointed but he’s been saying this all evening. I’m not sure I believe it, I think that he’s not keen on me anymore.

We talk a little bit after that, but he never really makes an effort to chat to me when I try, which I do message first sometimes, to show that I am interested. But that doesn’t seem to help. He’s obviously not keen on me, or he’s found someone else, who knows what happens with men. I’m genuinely sad, but I have others I’m chatting to so I don’t let it get to me. However this guy was my dream guy…

A few months later, I get given a new car at work & it needs some plastic thing added to the front, they ask if I will take it to the dealer. I say yes of course, not realising what I am saying, then I immediately freak out. What if I see him there? Will he think I am stalking him – like some sort of weirdo? I go there, into the shop, trying to look casual but also trying to keep an eye out for him. Will he pretend not to know me if he does see me? Would he say hello? Would that spark the conversation online again? Would I have to message to say I’m not stalking him? OMG… Overthinking overload! I don’t see his car anywhere, but I am at a car yard, so there a hundreds of cars there, I have no idea where he would park. Thank god I don’t see him, though a part of me is a little disappointed too… I don’t know where he parks but I didn’t see his car either.

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Months later, maybe 12 or more, at my family dinner (which we have every Sunday night at my house since my nanna passed away) my brother in law starts to mention a single guy that he met on the weekend, he is a friend of a friend who came over to fix his car, he said to me that he’s single & British, my ears prick up. Then he says he’s got a hotted up Ford Ute, I ask if it’s purple, he says yes, then I say ‘Oh, I’ve already fucked him in that ute’ FUCK as if I just said that in front of my mum! That was an accident! (Sorry mum! -Though hope she’s not reading!) I show my brother in law the picture of him on he chat app & it’s the same guy. My sister said that he did do a double take when he met her. Oddly they tell me that his kid was playing with my nephew quite well. Errr, ok? He’s got a kid? He never mentioned having a kid. Why wouldn’t he tell me he had a kid? I was chatting to him for almost 6 months. Maybe I got this guy all wrong.

My brother in law tells me that he just broke up with someone (well that explains him disappearing) I figure he wasn’t cheating on his partner because he slept over one night & was at my house really late the other times. But assumed he met someone else. I wonder if that’s why the last night he was here, he was late between visits to his friends house & his new girlfriends? Who knows…

My family egg me on to message him on the app, I do asking him if the chick he met the other day looked familiar. It takes him a couple of days for him to reply to me & he says yeah he didn’t realise it was my sister, but Adelaide is a small place (yeah no shit). We chat a bit & for a few days but it fizzles out. While this guy was my perfect on paper guy, he’s not my perfect guy, you know, he’s clearly got issues, I mean who doesn’t tell someone they’ve met a few times & that they’ve slept over about a kid they have! I leave this one alone, even though it is a hard one to let go! He literally had my whole imaginary Checklist!

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.

Rob Rob

I meet Rob Rob on the anonymous app (seems to be working out for me more than bloody online dating!) & the first thing he asks me is if I am kinky, I say that I am but that I am also still new to it & he asks to add me on the chat app. I agree & he immediately chats to me & says that he has a kinky group that he can add me too, but there are rules. Rules, really? I’m semi new to this app too & I don’t know what this shit is. He sends them to me, about not private messaging (PM) someone without permission & that I must send a live face pic to him to prove that I am real. I think this is bullshit & I am not going to send it. But he keeps talking to me & I do eventually send him a face picture. (I learn later that the rules of no PM thing & live face pics is very common on this app)

He says that I am “too hot” to be added to the group (Errr, what?) & he wants to keep me for himself, he says that he doesn’t want other people talking to me. I don’t think much of it, in fact I feel pretty special that he’s chosen me – his picture is pretty cute. But as we talk, the main question I ask men now is if they are single, because I hate that they don’t tell you. He says that he is married (OH FFS!) but that they never have sex (So that makes it ok to look elsewhere?), that she’s not kinky at all, so when they do have sex it’s very vanilla & boring for him because he’s very dominant but he loves her & won’t leave her. I figure that this won’t go anywhere & so I make no effort to talk to this guy, I do ask him to add me to the kinky group when we do chat, about 1000 times but he won’t, he says that he’ll get too jealous if other guys hit on me & he can’t have me. What a crock of shit! 052816 (11) He messages me ‘Hi’ everyday & I find myself actually liking waking up to his message every morning, like some sort of loser. This guy is married, what is the point? He’s a school teacher (if that’s even a true fact about him) & I chat to him most of the day, obviously when he’s available or not with his wife. We eventually swap skype accounts, where he helps me create my fake name, I become Kristy Cumsalot, my alter ego (mainly because we don’t swap real names) & it’s not long before the chats turn into skype calls.

The calls… Oh the calls, almost every morning he asks to call & I stupidly let him. He knows how to get me going, his voice, there is something about his voice, like velvety butter or something, so sexy & he knows how to turn me on… He makes me call him Sir, which I hate, maybe because he’s the first man to ask me to do that, maybe because it goes against my feminist side to let a man tell me what to do, but for some reason, I find myself obeying him… Every time I say Sir without being prompted, not only do I shock myself, but he lets out a little hmm sounds followed closely by Good Girl.

What’s so bad about this is that he’s the only guy showing any real interest in me at the moment, I mean I have just fucked a potential felon (See Unemployed) & I am at an all-time low with how I feel about myself & this is the type of guy I attract – a guy that can’t hurt me. How desperate am I for a bit of affection & love that I am so willing to chat to a married guy & have phone sex with him every few days? What kills me is that I am always available, I am always waiting for him to message me, always allowing him to call. When will there be a guy waiting by his phone for my message? FFS!

Around this time too, I’ve been watching a lot of porn, like I’ve said before I go through stages with porn, but I usually find a couple that I like & watch them over & over, I am more specific about what type of porn I watch. I also become obsessed with different sex toys, buying just about everything, thinking maybe when/if I ever meet this guy we can use them. He tells me of a fantasy of meeting me on a hotel room, he’ll be there already & I’ll rock up in a tench coat, he’ll then be dominant & give me a true submissive experience. I buy some lingerie, some corsets, high heels, masks, toys… I buy so much stuff in the hopes that he & I will live out this hotel fantasy.

I also literally crack the shits with him at least once a week – so much so, that I wonder why he keeps messaging me, he’ll ask me if he can call whenever he is free & I’d run late to whatever I am going to because he wanted to jerk off while listening to me cum down the phone line. It pisses me off… When I want to chat to him, he’s offline, it’s always on his terms. He says that he’ll try to make more time for me, which of course we know is not true, nor will he. Its just a little carrot that he dangles & I chase like a stupid white rabbit. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

We chat for months, this routine of us chatting every day because he says ‘hi’ before I wake up every single day – I never initiate a chat with him ever, then him calling every few days or so to hear me cum while he shows me him rubbing his cock in his work car park. He says he wants to meet me, but every time we try to, one of us chickens out. I was sitting in the car chatting to him on the phone one day, when I finally say “Fine, give me your address” then he says that his wife will be home soon & he’s got to go to Tennis. What a fucking idiot I am. I finally get the courage to meet this married guy & go against all that I believe in & he chickens out.

I talk to him the whole time I am in the UK. In fact I end up sexting him when I am alone, which isn’t often but usually when my Aunty is in the shower or I find a bath in the hotels. When I have to return the hire car, I leave my Aunty in the hotel & leave with the intent to have phone sex with this guy, but he dicks me around & isn’t online, so I crack the shits. I also get lost getting to the fucking airport which just makes me angrier. It’s always on his bloody terms, always when he’s free… Here I am in the fucking UK still trying to get this man in Adelaide. Seriously!

But this guy somehow draws me in, I try to say goodbye several times but I never can, I don’t know why. Is it because I am such a fucking loser just wanting a guy to want me? Is it because I know this guy won’t hurt me because I can’t get attached? Is it just that this guy keeps messaging me, even when I’m a complete fucking bitch to him? This is a fucking real low point in my dating career, I am not even sure what I am doing. I mean why am I still talking to this guy on a very regular basis…

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

Unemployed #2

I am not sure why I keep chatting to Unemployed to be honest. He is a stereotypical ghetto type boy needing someone to help him. I mean he’s struggling to get a job, that I even help him with his resume because he sounds like an uneducated man who has no idea how to apply for a job. I also enlist my best friend to help him as well, but I think she sounds too smart & I tone down her version a lot.

I feel sorry for him for some reason & take him on like a little project! I really do believe his story that the young girl lured him in. I’ve seen it before, I mean he is totally in the wrong for even thinking it was ok with a 15 year old, I get that, I’m not justifying it at all, however I just think he needs a friend.

Have you seen the movie Dead Man Walking? Great movie, a real tear jerker but definitely worth the watch, such an amazing film – I suggest you watch it. (Not that it makes a difference to this blog, but everyone should watch it!) Right now, I feel like I am Susan Sarandon, helping a convict, not by judging or by offering advice but just being there for him. (However, I’m clearly not a nun!)

unemployed #2

We go out for lunch one day in the city, I meet him while on holidays, we order food & drinks & I end up paying for the whole thing (OMG I am such a fucking loser!) & I don’t even enjoy myself to be honest, it’s forced & I feel weird, like a counselor or something – even though I just said that’s what I felt like he needed, but I feel like I am going through stuff too & probably not in the right mind set to be counselling someone. I vauge out, listening to him talk about what he wants to do with his life, he has about 20 different ideas on the go at once.

Around this time, I get into kayaking with a friend & purchase 2 of my own. I am keen to introduce others to the activity & I do with a bunch of different friends over the following months. He says he wants to go with me, so I say he can come with me one day, so one weekend he drives the hour & a half to my house to go kayaking. He’s not that good at it but he tries, which is good. We have a nice day on the river, it’s a great activity because I don’t have to entertain him or feel awkward about the fact I have had sex with this dude who may be going to jail!

It’s a fun day; I actually have a good time with him, showing him my new passion, I’ve never been good at sports but I like that I am able to show him what this is like & how fun it is. I really feel like he’s had a sheltered life. He says he has a really good time & wants to do it again. We hug goodbye, that’s about all I can handle & I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to do anything more with me anyway but is happy to have a friend.

A few weeks, maybe months go by, I chat to him a bit online or via text, but we don’t talk about catching up again. When he messages me to tell me that his court hearing/sentence date is coming up and he wants to go out for a special dinner. I say that’s a good idea, not thinking that he meant a special dinner with me, assuming his last day of potential freedom would be spent with his family & cat!

He invites me dinner at Windy Point Restaurant (Fancy! – for those not in Adelaide, it’s a beautiful expensive restaurant that has magnificent views over Adelaide) & not really a place you go with a random guy, more like the place you go to when you are celebrating an anniversary or when you are going to propose to your partner. It’s quite hilarious that he’s taking me there, well not taking me, he’s made it quite clear he has no money & I am paying for myself. But he wanted to spend the last night with me.

When the bill arrives he works out exactly what he has spent & not a cent more, I don’t have enough cash so I have to transfer some money to him via internet banking, I think it was about $20. He actually sends me his bank details too, so I transfer the money to him.

I never hear from him again, so I can only assume that he got jail time for his relationship with the 14 year old, but I guess I will never know. Maybe he will pop back up one day? I don’t know. I will wait & see… I hope by then I have learnt to ignore!

Mechanic

My luck may have changed; this very cute guy, good looking, like hot AF good looking, probably a dream guy in the looks department for me, he is just my type! Tick. Like more hot than normal, I’m totally punching above my weight here. I can’t stress enough how cute he is in his pictures! I’m so surprised when he actually chats to me?! Tick! OMG, he’s also bloody funny. Tick! & He’s my age, not a ridiculously young dude, not an old fart, he’s only 2 years older! OMG. Wow, this one is too good to be true! I’m sure of it. So I say my new mantra over & over “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” firstly this guy probably isn’t going to be keen on me & secondly it’s only been a few months since the Origin debacle.

I can’t even remember what site we met on, but it had a terrible name like ‘DomDates.com’ or something equally stupid, I got a lot of attention on there, maybe because I was the only normal looking one or because I wasn’t a scammer from overseas, or because I was the only chick who knew about this site. I was surprised that he was so interested in me, surely there were other people online that would be better than me. (Serious self-esteem issues, I know, I am working on it!) When he tells me that he’s British, I almost cream my pants, seriously I don’t think he can get any better (Remembering my imaginary checklist).

“I must not get attached, I must not get attached”

We stop talking on the stupid website that we met on & switch to the chat app. I delete my account on that site. Like it’s so dodgy! Mechanic suggests that we meet, which makes my tummy twist in knots, but I say yes, of course I want to meet this guy! We choose a less dodgy pub near me, but let’s face it, it’s the south, so it’s still dodgy. We decide on a game of pool & a drink. I remember thinking wow when I first saw him, this guy is bloody hot (a bit older than his photos, he kind of has a bit of salt & pepper in his hair, few more wrinkles, probably not as buff as the pictures but still very attractive), he’s very funny & can actually hold a conversation, plus he’s British! (Must not forget that!) He has a slight accent, it’s so sexy! I’m so surprised that he keeps offering to buy more drinks & to play more games of pool. He pays for most of it too, maybe, just maybe this guy could be genuine! Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am?! He hasn’t run for the door yet!

We play pool, I am not too bad at the game but when I am losing, I try to distract him by bending over & pulling down my top a little bit to show my cleavage, then giggle. It works. We enjoy some friendly, cheeky banter. It’s really a fun night & I remember a friend once telling me that I need to show my fun side, well here I am showing my fun side! I’m relaxed & having a good time without overthinking anything I am saying or doing. He is so naturally funny, saying one liners that I love, a little like Origin did but this is the first date I’ve been on that I haven’t sat there thinking about someone else.

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As the bar closes, yes the bar closes, he walks me to my car, we stand outside, making small talk, before he leans in & kisses me… We are so good at everything that I wonder if we’ll be good at kissing… YEP! We are!! He’s so super fucking hot (Calm down!) Then I can’t help it, the words are out of my mouth before I even realise what I am saying, I ask him if he wants to come back to my house. Of course, he says yes.

We go back to my house & I offer him a drink before he’s kissing me again, I take him into my room, we’re both naked quickly & I kneel on the floor & suck his cock. For the first time in a long time, maybe even the first time… I swallow a guy’s cum, which I would NEVER do for a random, I figure if they want the best of me, then they need to earn the best of me. I’m not sure what made me do it with him to be honest. Maybe this chemistry I’m feeling, maybe it’s the fact I find him so attractive, I’m not sure or maybe it’s just the little bit of liquid courage…

We have sex & it’s really really good sex, though his cock is quite big & hurts me in some positions (I’m personally not a fan of a huge cock, they seem to hurt me – must be something to do with the way my insides are, it’s all about the width & shape for me. I know others don’t agree but that’s just me. Also in my experience guys with giant cocks usually aren’t that good in bed as they think a big cock is all it takes… Guys with smaller cocks seem to work a bit harder & are far better.) But it’s still good with Mechanic once we work it out & shift into a comfortable position. He hangs around for a little while but then he gets up to leave, we kiss goodbye & I hope that I see him again, but I’m not holding out any hope.

He messages me the next day… EEK! That puts a huge fucking smile on my dial that I can’t wipe off! We continue to chat, the banter is cheeky, but not gross. I find out that he actually works as a mechanic (I’m sure you did not see that coming! Hahaha) at the dealer where our work cars are from & serviced, yeah that’s bloody Adelaide for you! I don’t ever have to go to the dealer because they pick up our cars from work when they get serviced, but all of a sudden I wish like hell there was a reason to drop my car off!

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

Unemployed

I met Unemployed on an app not for dating, it’s an anonymous app where you post bullshit “secrets”, it’s really designed for teenagers but old farts like me get on there too, like sad old losers… but he & I started chatting a lot. It was quite easy to chat to him, but I was cautious because he was so much younger than me. But he seemed to be going through a rough time, his fiancé had just left him, she left during the night so when he woke up, she was gone & the ring was on his pillow (bit dramatic!). He was also back living with his grandma because he couldn’t live with his parents & I think at some point he’d been living with her family too. He’d also lost his job in the process of all this & was struggling to get a new one. But every day that I talked to him, he had a new idea about what he was going to do with his future or what courses he was going to take. He was just that type of guy, who couldn’t work out what he wanted to do or was just after a quick buck.

Just after I met him online, we hadn’t obviously met in real life yet, I was travelling for work to Mt Gambier about 5 hours from home, he says that he’ll come down to the South East to meet me. Now this is weird, firstly, because I actually live on the other side of the city to him, about an hour & a half away which has been an issue for him regarding petrol, so I don’t know why he thought a 5 hour drive was better. I knew I had someone lined up while down there (see next post) & I also didn’t know what this guy would be like, knowing my luck, he’d be a douche & then I’d be stuck with him in my hotel room while I work for a week & I’m too nice to say that he needs to leave. I somehow get out of meeting him in Mt Gambier.

Because he lives with his Grandma, the only option to meet is at my house. (Well I guess we could go out but he’s got no money.) I am on my way home from a different work day trip, a few hours away from home, he starts to freak out that I’m going to give him the wrong address as he’s had that happen to him before (OMG women are mean!) I reassure him by sending him a picture of my house. When he arrives at my house, I have a work crisis going on & I need to send an email urgently, I feel a bit bad but work is a priority for me, so I get him a drink & write my email while he waits patiently.

He is younger than me by about 8 years or so, I think he is about 26, his pics weren’t really that great so he does look better than his pics (Yes, I am aware I say that about most guys!) however he still isn’t my usual type. Not that I think I have a type but he wasn’t really that attractive to me.

We watch Netflix & talk a bit. I’m bloody tired from a long drive (people don’t realise how tiring driving can be for work, plus the actual work you have to do once at the location then drive hours home) so as it gets later & later, I start to fall asleep. In the end I realise he isn’t going to go home so I suggest we go to bed. I honestly can’t remember what I wore to bed that night (I’m assuming I wasn’t naked), I fall asleep instantly & kinda feel bad because I can’t stay awake. It’s probably the first time since Boyfriend where I have actually slept next to a man without having sex with them.

Next morning however, he’s trying it on, spooning me, rubbing my sides, so I wake up & we have sex. He’s really thoughtful while we have sex making me cum many many times before we do anything else – I did actually get a record of 28 orgasms that morning – why I count, I don’t know… But afterwards we’re lying there & he says he has to tell me something. WARNING! WTF could he tell me after sex? That he’s got a wife? An STI? That I’m shit in bed? What? What is it? I lie there with a million thoughts going through my head, this is possibly the worst time to tell someone something. I never saw this coming!

“If I disappear for a while,” OMFG, what the fuck! “Don’t worry, I will come back” Ok dude, what on earth is going on. Guy’s disappearing isn’t something new to me, however, guys telling me they are going to disappear & come back, is new. Curiosity gets me & I ask what he means. He hesitates before saying “I might be going to jail” OH HOLY FUCK!!!!!! I want to jump up & run away, this dude is in my fucking bed! I’m naked. He’s naked. I have just fucked him! I ask ‘why‘ as calm as I can, scared about what he might say. He tells me that his last girlfriend after his fiancé, that he met online – on the anonymous app, told him she was 15 however she was actually only 14. Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Have I just had sex with a child predator?

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He explains the story & says his lawyer says he has a good case as he letters & emails from the 14 year old girlfriend about her love for him & that she didn’t want her mum to find out. However her mum did found out & that is how he was in this position – he says he’s got a good lawyer, I’m assuming it’s a pro bono type situation or legal aid, but he seems optimistic. I don’t really remember how I get this guy out my house but he leaves & I have a shower for an hour.

Jerk Off #2

So before I met Origin I was chatting to this guy Jerk Off on snapchat, you may not remember him or the story, as he was no one really of significance. But he of course sends me unsolicited dick pics including a video of him jerking off which I rapidly saved (why do I save them?!), but a few friends would ask to show them pics, especially ones who had been in relationships for a long time. (I’m still not 100% sure why men send them or what they think we do with them but I get a lot, at one stage there I was getting an average of one per day!)

This guy lives so far away from me, yet he constantly snapchats me every few days to hook up with him. I’ve kept him in the loop because you never know what might happen & look I’m still single after all, after disaster after disaster & the recent disaster with Origin, I figure that he might be a good rebound (so to speak) since I’m going to be staying in the country town a few over from where he lives in a few nights after heading out to a local pub for a friends birthday.

He snapchats me all through the night, I shamelessly ask him to come to my friend’s house to have sex with me, but he says no. (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!) I don’t get this guy, he knows that we live far apart & this is probably the closest we’ll ever be, distance wise, but he doesn’t want to come over. I go to bed feeling like a really big fool, another guy I offer myself on a platter too, rejects me. Could things get any worse?

He snapchats me the next day to see how I’m feeling asking me if I was wearing cute underwear, which I tell him I was & that it’s his loss. He agrees but I stop talking to him. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I can’t keep offering myself up for just no strings sex & still end up in bed alone. I feel so stupid. I can’t even believe that this is happening to me again, for like the twentieth time in my life.

It was probably for the best to be honest, I mean how would I explain that to my friend or their friends the next day that I had some random dude come over & fuck me. I mean that would have probably been the worst walk of shame. Though I probably wouldn’t have let him sleep over, I would’ve kicked him out. But I have no idea where people were sleeping, I mean he could’ve walked past anyone.

Jerkoff #2

We keep snapchatting for a few weeks – why I don’t know, I don’t really know why he keeps messaging me, I never initiate a message with this guy. It’s clearly never going anywhere. I delete him off my account after a few months. Every time I am online dating again, he pops up as a match. But clearly we’re just never going anywhere. This is a colossal waste of my time, as usual!

UPDATE: I deleted him from my snapchat but he pops up online ALL the time whenever I fall back into the trap of online dating again. I never accept his requests every again. I need to start making decisions for myself – not with my vagina!

	Phoenix #37 –… on Boyfriend
	Phoenix #32 –… on Milky
	Phoenix #31 –… on Boyfriend
	Phoenix #28 –… on Max
	Phoenix #21 –… on Cowboy