Movies – Page 9 – I've Been Dating For You

Erotica: Scene Five – Blindfold

My fiction erotica… If you follow my blog, surely by now, you can definitely tell why I was writing this?

Here are the other instalments to read again or for the first time… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call.

Scene Five – Blindfold

I lay there feeling so sated but he hasn’t cum, so I know there is more in store for me.
“You never told me that you could squirt”
I go bright red, I am still covered in his now dry cum & also my own.
He touches my blushing cheek
“Don’t be ashamed of it, I love it. Knowing I turn you on so much. Fuck it’s sexy.”
I smile feeling reassured.
I love that he can read my emotions so well & does everything he can to make me feel at ease.
I trust him wholeheartedly.
Before my breathing is back to normal, he gets up off the bed.
I hear a draw open & close, I can’t move, I am so spent from my multiple hard orgasms.
Plus who even knows what time it is.
I feel my head dip a little where his knee hits the bed, he’s kneeling by my head & I open my mouth thinking he wants me to suck him.
One of his fingers rests on my chin & closes my mouth.
He puts something on my head & I realise he’s blindfolding me, as everything goes dark.
I wriggle in my restraints.
What does he have planned for me?

Erotica couples sex

I feel him retreat from the bed & I can hear noise but I can’t work out what he is doing.
Then I feel something tickle my foot, I twitch, I realise he has a feather as it runs up to my knee, making me squirm & moan.
“Do you like that baby?”
“Hmmm, yes sir!”
He runs the feather up my leg, over my belly, across my nipple then up my arm, where he moves to the other arm & comes down doing the exact same on my other side.
When he reaches my other foot, he takes the feather away, I lift my head to try & see but of course I am blindfolded so I listen intently for where he is.
All of a sudden it reappears at my hip, he runs it from side to side, across the top of my pubic hair.
I am quivering & squirming with every delicate touch.
When he lowers it between my folds, I jump & moan, I pull on my restraints.
Without warning he hits me across my belly with a flogger.
I hear the snapping on the tails hitting me as I squeal out, in pain, in ecstasy, in anticipation.
He hits me again across my breast, I arch my back & let out a moan.
I feel the feather still tickling my clit as the flogger comes down on my legs.
in quick succession, he hits all three places again, I keep pulling on my restraints, crying out louder each time.
He keeps the flogger quickly moving up & down from my belly to legs to nipples.
I don’t even notice that he is kneeling between my legs until his cock is at my entrance, dipping in & out while he flogs my breasts only.
I arch my back trying to take his cock in deeper
“Greedy Girl” he chuckles as I beg him to be deep inside me.
Suddenly he stops flogging me & I feel him undo the cuffs from the bed at my ankles.
With my legs straight in the air, he slides his cock deep within me, I cry out as I’m finally getting what I want.
He starts off with a slow rhythm, deep & long.
He builds up some speed holding onto my ankles wide by his face. My arms still restrained & my eyes still covered.
I bite my lip, he tells me how much he loves to see me bite my lip.
He spreads my legs wide, pulling his cock right out of me then slams in deep, draping himself over my body to kiss my lips, holding my legs out.
His cock pounds me over & over, relentlessly.
He doesn’t let me come up for air, his tongue invading my mouth.
Without even trying I am close to cumming trying to pull away from his mouth to get some air.
With only a few more strokes deep inside me, I cum on his cock, moaning in his mouth.
It doesn’t take long before he is riding my orgasm though to his own.
Finally he stops kissing me & I breathe hard trying to regain some normality.
Once we are both breathing almost normally, his cock still twitching in my pulsing pussy, he leans back over to sweetly kiss me, deep, long & with such passion, I realise then that I don’t ever want to kiss anyone else.
He slides the blindfold off my head, looking deep into my eyes, he rubs his nose back & forth on mine before he kisses me on the lips again.
As he pulls out of me, I suddenly feel empty.
He moves to undo both wrist cuffs from the bed & he pulls me against him with his strong arms around me, almost pinning my arms to me.
I know I am safe. I know I am home.
“Sleep now”
But I barely hear his words before I am asleep again.

Guest Blogger: Why Pain Makes Us Horny

As I have been very vocal about the exploration of the kink world & my sex life, including talking about how much I enjoy pain, I have been looking around for some articles to share with you about why I do…

It’s definitely not for everyone, I get that. & I’m not asking you to try it, especially with just a random or inexperienced man/woman that your dating… If you do want to try, make sure you trust the person inexplicably before venturing into this, also lots of open communication!

I never thought it would be for me nor did I think I would want it, but somehow, I really enjoy it. The more I do it, the more I get out of it.

This article really makes me feel better & I hope it gives you more insight as we delve deeper into my kink scene!

Why Pain Makes Us Horny: The Process That Turns Pain Into Pleasure

“I enjoy getting my ass beaten until it bruises. It turns me on a lot.”

This statement isn’t strange in the kink community, but it can sound rather extreme for those who haven’t been initiated into the rituals and activities of BDSM.

“How can you enjoy being spanked like that? It hurts!”

Most masochists would answer something like, “I don’t know why. It just turns me on.”

Not content with this answer, I decided to look a little deeper into the mechanism that can turn pain into an orgasm.

The Mechanisms of Pain

Pain perception, also called nociception, is the mechanism that triggers a response to potentially harmful stimuli through the nervous system.

Pain can have three sources: chemical (like an acid burn), mechanical (like crushing or cutting) or thermal (hot and cold). Any of these three stimuli strong enough to activate the nociceptors (pain receptors) of the affected area will trigger the transmission of the stimuli to the brain. The reception and processing of the stimuli occurs in different areas. The brain then gives you an impulse to move or do something to avoid or stop the pain.

So, when you put your hand on a hot stove, the nerves in your skin send a message to your brain to tell it that it’s burning. Your brain screams “BURNING” and you remove your hand as a result. That’s generally how it works.

Pretty simple, right?

Except it isn’t.

Pain and Neurotransmitters

The way pain is processed by the brain also triggers other things in your body. Most importantly for our discussion, endorphins, serotonin, melatonin, epinephrin, and norepinephrine can all be released following a painful and/or stressful stimulus. These hormones act as an analgesic (painkiller) and stimulate the fight-or-flight response. So, when you get hurt, your brain makes its own Tylenol and gives you a boost of energy to fight your attacker or run away.

Remember how chemical cocktails influence our sexual and romantic behavior? By receiving pain, you are activating a lot of those same chemicals, especially serotonin and adrenaline. In other words, the same chemicals that turn you on when you’re sexually aroused flow into your body when you’re being hurt.

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How Do We Actually Get Pleasure from Pain?

If we follow this train of thought, applying painful stimuli the right way activates nice, floaty, pleasurable hormones in the brain. If the pain is applied gradually and for an extended period of time, you can get someone very high on endorphins. In the BDSM world, this is called “subspace.”

Here’s how it works, from my experience:

At first, the pain level is low: a nice flogging on the upper back usually gets me nicely started. It doesn’t hurt a lot, but there is a little sting. It feels a bit like pushing your body through a tough workout.

Then, when the intensity goes up, it can really hurt. It hurts to the point of cringing, even screaming. Somehow, it’s bearable, because you already have a little flow of endorphins going. When you’re tied up and can’t fight or flee, the rush of adrenaline is also quite a rush.

As this pain is administered, there’s a point at which I start resisting. This is when the adrenaline has kicked in. I start hissing, cursing at my top, kicking, trying to escape my bonds. (I like to be tied up when I get beaten). The pain rises to a peak, and so does my resistance.

Then, somehow, I give in. Once another burst of endorphins floods my brain, I relax into the pain, and it suddenly – and literally – turns into pleasure. My mind has found a new way to cope: by turning pain sensations into pleasure sensations I can withstand the “torture” longer.

Best of all: I get very, very horny.

Nobody is quite sure how pain can literally turn into sexual arousal. It may be one of the ways that the body interprets the sudden rush of endorphins because it is so similar to “typical” sexual arousal. What we do know, though, is that masochism is no longer considered pathological by the DSM (the bible of mental disorders), and that masochism that’s expressed in a healthy and sane way doesn’t require intervention.

If you find that, after exploring some kink, you’re definitely getting a kick out of being creatively hurt by kind sadists, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is reacting to what’s happening to you with hormones and chemicals that make you feel good.

You should enjoy every second of it.

The article link : https://www.kinkly.com/why-pain-makes-us-horny-the-process-that-turns-pain-into-pleasure/2/14117

Origin # 13

The last time I saw Origin, I forgot to mention about our conversation in the shower after we had sex, we were both standing in there, kissing & cuddling, washing each other when he starts having a bit of a D & M with me, writing numbers in the steam on the glass of all the women he’s been with. He tells me that I was the first chick that he slept with after the break up of his long relationship – well that explains why he never could (or didn’t want to) commit to me… He says that he hasn’t slept with that many women either, but that I was the most adventurous he’d ever been with & he really likes me. Awww, that’s so cute, that I melt while standing so vulnerable, naked, in the shower with him. But of course, remember he left that night, while I was disappointed, I don’t say anything to him.

We chat everyday via snapchat & text, working out that we should catch up next week. I am going out with a friend & suggest that he comes along. He declines to come to karaoke with us, but he offers to pick me up from the hotel & take me home. I jump at the chance, I am messaging him the whole night, while getting so legless that even for me, it’s ridiculous. I was chatting to some guy & their friends, drinking some sort of green drink (WTF? I only know this because of the pictures on my phone later) when Origin appears to take us home. He drops home my friend first then me…

I will tell you what happened, however I don’t remember ANY of it… This is all pieced together from talking to Origin afterwards & looking at my texts… FUCK! Origin & I go to my house & all I remember him not staying over. So at almost 2:00 am, as he’s probably still in my driveway, I text him “Thanks heaps Origin, I appreciate you staying over, it means a lot” How passive aggressive! Jesus… I’m surprised he even wrote back to that to be honest. “Dude” (That’s not a good start to a message from a guy) “You made me wait until like 12 to pick you up, I pick you up, I can’t even get a sentence out of you & then drop you & your friend home, I have to go to a family breky at 7, if you wanted me to stay or hang out longer you should have called me & said come get me, but it’s my fault? I don’t wanna argue talk toms xx night” DOUBLE FUCK! I reply – yeah good idea! (I feel you rolling your eyes with me right now) “I don’t want to argue either but you could’ve stayed…. It’s not your fault at all… but you left me feeling like a hooker… tonight was weird” FUCKING HELL, please stop texting while drunk!!! But he replies “Your right, sorry I thought u were heaps drunk & didn’t want a shower so I thought I would just leave. Certainly didn’t mean to have u feel like that. Agreed weird as write it off ok xx night.” Seriously, thank fuck I read it but fall asleep! Why oh why the fuck am I such an idiot when drunk… But why oh why doesn’t this guy never spend the night!

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The next morning, I wake up just before 10:00 am, feeling like shit, not only because I am supremely hung over but because even though I don’t remember what happened, I have this feeling something isn’t right, I fucked up last night… I read through the horrifying text messages… I know he’s been at breakfast with his family since 7:00 am but hasn’t text me, that he is not going too, I don’t blame him at all… So I swallow my pride & text him “Thanks heaps for dropping my friend off & picking me up. I appreciate it, truly. I didn’t realise I was so drunk that I couldn’t even talk?! I’m sorry for last night, everything I did or said or snapchatted. I hope you had a yummy breakfast this morning.” I don’t really expect him to reply either, I mean I was fucking insane. “Hahaha you’re a tripper you were blind. Meh it’s all good, yeah was sick thanks, talk soon you can make it up to me lols” I respond to him “Yeah I don’t remember much TBH… I have a bruise on my elbow. There are weird photos on my phone. I’m glad you’re still talking to me hahaha. I will make it up to you for sure.”

We eventually arrange to catch up the next weekend after my family dinner, but I end up texting him to bail as I’m not feeling well, my biggest pet hate is when people bail on me, so I apologise a lot, which he is ok with it & wishes me to get better. We decide to catch up a few nights later, I am out for dinner with friends, so text him on the way home & he says that he’s bailing on his friend to come over for a red & a movie.

We start to watch a movie that he chooses but it is so crap that we end up playing pool & talking about that infamous drunken evening. He tells me that I was biting him & when he asked me to stop I didn’t (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) & that I was trying to suck him off when he was driving up the expressway, he said that he tried to get me to shower with him before we went to bed, but apparently I wouldn’t get in the shower so he decided to leave… OMG I am mortified… Why must I ask like a douche when drunk!?

Anyway, we drink a lot of red wine before he makes a move. We go into my bed room & I get some condoms, when he asks if I like anal, I have only done it with 2 guys a couple of times who had much bigger cocks than him so I say yes we can do it. Unbeknown to me, Origin takes off the condom & slips his dick in from behind me, unbeknown to him, he is not fucking my ass… He’s sort of fucking my leg, sort of in me, but definitely not my ass. I cum from my own fingers, he cums, happily thinking he’s in my ass & that’s when I realise, he didn’t have the condom on. I ask him & he says that he took it off… Why do men do this without asking? FFS. I’m not on the pill at this point in my life so I have just had unprotected sex with this guy, who is jumping up & getting dressed, yet again not staying over! I’m quite drunk, how can this guy be driving home?

Erotica: Scene Four – Wake Up Call

Erotica fiction is here! I hope you’re all enjoying my fiction, or am I out here on my own with this? Let me know…

So here is instalment 4 of the erotica series, don’t forget to look back over Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call & Scene Three – His Orgasm.

Scene Four – Wake Up Call

It takes me a minute to realise we are at a party, I’m wearing a long backless black dress that he has picked out for me.
I know it is so he can touch my lower back as he guides me around the party with a wine in the other hand.
Every touch sends a shiver up my spine, I love the manly way he guides me around the party introducing me to people he knows, just with a touch of his hand to my lower back.
I sip my wine feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world, on the arm of a disgustingly handsome dominant man.
“You look sensational tonight”
He whispers in my ear & I melt like a teenager at the school dance.
I don’t think I can get a bigger smile on my face but then he pulls me in close to his side & kisses my forehead.
He knows what to do to make me instantly wet, there is no better feeling than a man kissing your forehead & with 50 of his friends close by, I feel so special that he is willing to have a PDA with me.
As we stand there he runs his fingers up my arm, I tingle & I want him, I am wet & I want him badly, I reach up to touch his hair but then I can’t move it back down, something isn’t right, his arm keeps touching my arm, across my neck, then I feel kisses on my neck, I try to move but I can’t, somehow I’m restrained.
I feel my nipple being sucked, I can’t work out why he would suck my nipples at a formal party, it’s not that kind of party, is it?
I try to move again, but I realise I am fully restrained & wet, so wet for him. So turned on.
I feel him lick my clit, then suck on it hard, that’s when I jolt up.
All I can move is my head a few inches off the bed, I’m spread eagled, my leg cuffs are attached on either side of the bed, I’m wide open for him.
My arm cuffs are attached above my head too, I look down between my legs & our eyes meet as he continues to suck on my clit.
I moan, throwing my head back on the bed, I was having a dream he was making me wet & in reality who knows how long he’s been going down on me.
I also don’t know how or why I didn’t wake up while he was tying me up, probably because I was so spent. 052816 (16) I don’t even know what time it is but I know it’s not morning.
He licks all the way from my ass to my clit with a long flat slow tongue, but when he gets to my clit he just flicks it around making me squirm.
“Hmmm, you taste so good” his hands pinch my nipples “I want you to cum in my mouth”
“Yes sir”
“Good girl”
He slides his arms under my legs then links his fingers together over my hips, to rest on my lower belly, holding me still.
His torture intensifies, long slow licks paired with flicks over my clit then a suck, then he licks again, flicking over my clit then another suck, he continues this pattern over & over, I arch my back as far as I can, I start to build up as he quickens his actions.
“Please sir, can I cum for you?” my whole body is shaking.
“Yes”
But somehow he doesn’t stop licking but his words are clear
“Cum now”
I do as I’m told, hard & fast into his mouth, he never stops & my orgasm rolls on, my legs shake, my breathing so rapid that its the only thing I can hear.
I wonder when he is going to stop, I am convulsing on the bed with ecstasy, but he just keeps licking, I’m afraid I won’t stop cumming.
He slows down a little & my body regains some equilibrium, but it’s not long before he is building up speed again & my body is only too happy to oblige him.
“Cum now”
Somehow on command my body does, I cum, writhing against my restraints, wanting him to stop but also wanting him to keep going.
“Stop Sir, I can’t cum again”
He smiles against my wet folds, I know that this was the wrong thing to say.
He nuzzles his nose into my clit then slides two fingers inside me.
He finds my G spot easily & starts stroking me on the inside.
“Please, fuuuucccckkkk”
It’s not long before I am close to cumming, this time I know I will squirt.
I try to wriggle away, I’ve always been self conscious of squirting.
Something only one other man has been able to make me do, besides myself & he acted like it was unusual.
“Now, cum now”
As if on command, my body does & I squirt, cumming hard against his hand inside me, his palm on my clit making gentle circles
“Good wake up call?”
“Oh… My… God… Sir…” I say in between breaths “You… are… amazing…”
“You. Are. Amazing.”

Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60

Erotica: Scene Three – His Orgasm

Again, here is my fiction erotica. By now if you’re reading my blog, you can see why my imagination was running wild & why this became my porn.

These are the two previous posts that you may want to read first if you haven’t already: Scene one – Nipple Bells & Scene Two – Eight Spanks

Scene Three – His Orgasm

My knees are weak, my legs wobble underneath my body & I fear I’m not going to be able to stand anymore.
His strong arms hold me as he walks around me, to stand in front of me.
He’s hard, having not cum at all, yet I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cum in what feels like 10 minutes.
He looks me up & down, he can tell I am tired but I don’t think that will stop him.
His face says it all, it’s like he can’t get enough of me, he looks at me like he doesn’t want anyone else, he looks at me with such desire that I feel a shiver up my spine.
He smiles, knowing what he does to me, I smile back, wondering how this man has such an effect on me.

Erotica #3

He runs his fingers from my shoulders down my arms, I turn my head to watch his fingers tickle my sensitive skin & his fingers lace with mine.
He steps backwards pulling me with him, when his legs hit the bed, he sits down, standing me between his knees.
He lets go of my hands & his rest at the back of my knees, before running up the back of my legs to my ass where he moans, a deep, primal groan that lets me know all I need to know.
He grabs my ass, pulling me to sit on his lap.
I bend my knees, resting my hands on his shoulders.
He feathers soft kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, his hands caresses my ass as I start to wriggle in his lap.
One hand slips between us & between my legs to move my lace panties aside.
As soon as his fingers touch my clit I jolt, its so sensitive & I don’t think I can last long.

He lifts my hips up & holds his cock at my entrance, I want to take all of him but he just teases me, wetting himself so he can slide in.
I moan, tilting my head back & his mouth finds my waiting nipple, which he bites.
As I yelp while he slides my hips down so I am full of his cock.
I am ready to move, I am ready to make him cum, I want him to cum with me this time.
I start to kneel up on my knees so I can feel him pull out of me, but he holds my hips still.
He takes my hands from his shoulder which were giving me leverage to move on his cock, to my ankles.
I whimper knowing his is locking each wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs.
With his hands holding my hips still, I have to lean back to stay balanced, he starts to kiss my neck, I moan, he works down to my nipple where he sucks & then moves over to the other nipple until is standing to attention for him.
“Please, I need to move, I am going to cum”
I feel him smile against my nipple
“Baby, you are going to cum… & cum… & cum no matter what” his deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, how does he effect me so much?
“Pllllleeeeaaassseee” I’m begging like a child, trying to gyrate my hips in his lap, his hard cock deep inside me still.
He doesn’t stop sucking my nipples.
“I want you to cum this way”
“Oh fuck, sir can I cum?”
He smiles but doesn’t stop sucking my nipples
“You may cum when you need too”
I start to try to rock on my hips but he won’t let me move
“Please I need to move”
“You will cum like this” I moan, even though I think it’s impossible without some friction, my body betrays me & starts to build.
My breathing intensifies, short bursts, I try to pull my nipples out of his way but he pulls me closer so that my whole breast is pushed in his face.
I try to move my hands but its pointless, all it does is lift my ankles & push me into his face.
He laughs, yet still has a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard till it pops out his mouth with a sound.
He then sticks out his tongue and licks, quickly, up & down, making me huff & puff still completely unable to move but feeling every inch of him inside me.
I scream out with an orgasm that rips through me
“Fuuuuccckkkk”
“Ah thank fuck for that” he growls, without even knowing my hands are undone & I’m lying on the bed, still orgasming, my eyes going blurry…
He’s stoking his cock, hard, I know he’s close too, I can’t move I feel like I am still cumming
“Where do you want me to cum?” I moan, rolling my head from side to side
“Answer me” he snaps
“I want… I… want….” I can’t even get the words out, he can tell, so he rips open my corset
“Hold your tits together”
I do as I’m told having not being able to answer him about when I want him to cum
“Open your mouth too” I open it, poking out my tongue slightly for a taste of his cum
As his warm cum hits my breasts, some also reaches my mouth & I know he is pleased as I stick out my tongue to lick it off my chin, by the noises he’s making.
“Good Girl”
He’s smiling & I am done. I roll over on my side, he curls up behind me spooning me.
I’m still covered in his cum, I don’t want to wash it off, it’s like being branded by him.
I feel like nothing can get better than the evening I’ve just had.

Guest Blogger: The Recipe

I love this concept. I was only just talking about this the other day, the fact I have done so many unsafe things in my dating life & how I have been so bloody lucky nothing terrible has happened to me! I am so thankful for that, however this is a great safety tool that all single people should adopt with their friends.

Code words!

The Recipe

Ladies… have you had dessert?

This question could be life-changing…

Yes, that rich, flourless chocolate cake COULD actually change your life, but have you asked a friend recently if they’ve had dessert?

After a recent spate of great and not-so-great Tinder/Bumble/pick up in a local bar dates, in one of our weekly dish sessions, my concerned friend expressed that she was worried that my sister or myself might find ourselves in a dangerous situation. Obviously we always tell each other our location, his name, photo, any random information about him that we have accumulated, but in this imaginary scenario, our usual “are you ok?” message might be met with aggression where we might be forced to reply ‘yes’, when in fact, we’re not ok. So we devised a plan…

Have you had dessert?

A discreet and seemingly harmless question, sent approximately 30 minutes into a date, with a series of code responses:

*Yes, I had chocolate means the date is going very well!

*Yes, I had vanilla means it’s good, but a bit boring.

*Yes, I had pistachio means it’s ok, but I’m ready to go home.

All of the above answers indicate that we are all good. Unfortunately, for my sister, I like to mix and match, so she often receives ‘chocolatey vanilla’, or something completely different. Sometimes, when I forget the code, she gets things like “pancakes with blueberries”, because I actually had that. Or when it’s been really spectacular: “triple chocolate with whipped cream and extra chocolate chips with sprinkles”. Obviously, all men would love to be this one, but it’s reserved for a certain Canadian gentleman… well, they’re his words, but I fully endorse them

If things are not going well…

*No, I’m thinking of having a chocolate sundae means it’s not going well, but I’m ok.

*No, I’m thinking of having some rocky road (get it? The road is rocky?) means it’s getting worse, be on standby.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split (split… right?) means if I don’t contact you in the next 10 mins, call or come and get me.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split – DO YOU WANT ONE TOO? means get me out now.

And one that we will hopefully never have to use: No, tell Dad to get some donuts means call the police and tell them what’s happening.

We wrote this code laughing hysterically, as my son walked into the room asking ‘oh, are you guys getting dessert?’, but we realised that it’s not really a laughing matter. I mean, realistically, if something were really wrong, chances are we wouldn’t be using code, but it makes it a little more fun…

And let me be clear, this is not about sex… we can have a different one for that

So here I am, writing to you all, sharing stories so we can support each other through good dates, bad dates, heartbreak and excitement and of course, mind-blowing sex!!

I hope you’ll continue to read this and share it with your friends.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures…

To check out this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/9

Just as you practice safe sex, please practice safe dating!

Erotica: Scene Two – Eight Spanks

For new readers, I started sharing some erotica fiction that I wrote. Not completely irrelevant to my blogs but not necessarily essential.

I hoped you enjoyed Scene One – Nipple Bells. You may have to read it first for this to make sense as they do flow on from one another…

Here is the second instalment… Enjoy!

Scene Two – Eight Spanks

He leans on me between my legs while I still have aftershocks of my orgasm running through me.
He releases one of the nipple clamps & lightly kisses the sensitive skin, he proceeds to do the same on my other nipple.
The release is bittersweet.
He reaches up to my hands & pulls them down from above my head, unclipping the clips on the cuffs to free my arms.
He rubs my shoulders & I feel so special that he takes the time to make sure I am ok.
He grabs my hands in his hand & pulls me to standing, my legs still spread with the spreader bar attached to my ankles.
I am weak from my orgasm & standing in heels with the bar, I stumble, but he catches me around the waist.
His hands run over my sensitive breasts, while he kisses my neck.
I lean my head back on his shoulder, loving his tender touch.
He whispers in my ear
“Bend over”

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I wonder how I am going to stand through what I think he’s going to do, he clips my wrist cuffs onto the bar between my legs.
His hand rubs my ass that’s poking in the air, I know what he’s planning, he’s going to spank me while I’m standing up.
“I want you to count the spanks out loud, so I can hear you”
“Yes Sir”
“Good girl”
He takes his hand away & I brace myself for the impact.
When it doesn’t come, I peer back to see what he is doing, then he spanks me.
It makes me unstable on my feet, but he holds me by the waist to steady me.
“One”
“Louder”
“One” I cry out
He rubs my other butt cheek & does the same, I brace myself but it’s only when he sees me relax that he spanks me
“Two”
He rubs my ass & in quick succession he hits me twice.
“Three, Four”
Then before I know it, his cock is deep inside me, but then out before I even get used to being full of his cock.
As his cock enters me again, quickly in & out, he spanks me, I let out a yelp
“Five”
He builds up speed, pulling his cock all the way out each time, then pounding into me, I can barely stay standing.
I feel like I am close to cumming again.
He spanks me with each thrust
“Six, I’m going to cum sir”
“You must ask permission”
He tortures me again
“Seven, please may I cum sir?” he groans & picks up the pace, that I am struggling to stay standing
“Please sir, can I cum for you?”
As he pounds into me, spanking my ass one last time he says
“Yes”
I scream “Eight” as if it’s the usual thing I say when I cum
He keeps pounding into me as I cum so hard on his cock, squeezing him as he pulls in & out of me.
As my orgasm starts to subside, he unclips my hands from the bar & unclips the bar from my legs, he stands me up but I am so weak, I can barely stand.
He pulls me upright against his chest, his hands on my breasts again, he leans into my ear
“I’m not done with you yet…”

Cold shower anyone?!

Guest Blogger: 30 Things Women Want Men To Know

I read this via another Blog (https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1094) & I found it very interesting.

I disagree with number 2 personally, I’ve said this many times before. However the rest of these are very true for me too!

30 Things Women Want Men To Know

Posted on May 20, 2016 by MaKupsy

I was really trying to avoid blogging about anything concerning sex but I guess it was highly inevitable. Today I am sharing those things most women wish men knew but simply don’t tell them. My personal thoughts are points 1-10 and 30 and the rest of the points are from the women I asked. Here’s hoping no one takes offence but maybe takes notes instead and make sex something both you and your partner enjoy.

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It is not about the quantity but the quality of sex. Why are you trying to have 8 rounds of 2 minute sex?? One session of good sex is good enough and if you are doing things right and hitting the spot then by all means rest assured I am fine.
Size does matter. For me that is, that motion for the ocean line doesn’t hold water. I am a big girl, I like big things.
Sex in the dark? NO, switch on the light please I want to see what’s going on.
If you have to ask “how was it” you know the sex was lousy.
Do no keep asking me how it was; you are not ready for the truth.
Just because the last woman you slept with liked anal sex does not mean the next woman does. Ask before trying to sneak your dick into my ass hole!
I don’t fake orgasms, if I didn’t cum I didn’t cum, it is really that simple.
Oral sex is a big turn on. Eat that pussy like it’s the cure for some life threatening disease! Note I said EAT not small little licks!
Do not bite the clitoris! Just because it is shaped like a jelly bean it does not mean it was made for biting. That is a sensitive organ, be gentle.
Don’t be lazy, put your back in it!
Take off ALL your clothes. Why do you leave some clothes on? Socks, vest, take it off we want to see all your body parts.
Screaming doesn’t mean we are enjoying it. It can mean one of three things. Maybe we just want to stroke your ego and make you think you are pumping us proper, we want you to stop or it’s actually painful. LOL
We don’t always orgasm, but that’s okay. Do not make it a big deal because if you do we end up faking orgasms.
Sex should not always be about a good fuck. Sometimes a woman wants some good old deep, delicious and slow love making.
Change of scenery will definitely spice up the sex. The bedroom becomes boring. Sex in the shower anyone?
We love surprises; introduce goodies like chocolate, strawberries, yoghurt, edible lingerie…
Take a bath! Who do you want to climb on top of smelling like you were ploughing in a field all day?
Sweat is a NO NO. Show up smelling divine and maybe a different cologne every now and again is a huge turn on.
Do not be a selfish lover, wait for the woman to orgasm.
Do not keep switching tempo. We do like variety BUT constantly changing tempo interrupts our flow. Worst time to switch is when we are about to orgasm. Do you have any idea what it takes to finally get an orgasm??? Do not tempt us to punch you in the face during sex!
If a woman is not in the mood for sex she is not. No amount of parading in the room naked will change her mind.
Foreplay is more than just sticking your fingers up her pussy.
Enjoying sex does not make me a freak.
Sex is meant to be fun.
If you expect to get head you better wash up your dick properly!
Women probably love sex more than men but our society has raised us in a way where showing that labels you a loose woman.
Most women are shy to initiate sex but in her mind she has ripped off your clothes and done all sorts of unimaginable things!
Women are horniest when they are on their period. Some actually don’t mind sex during that time of the month.
You don’t know women like that. Just because your friend told you his woman liked this, it doesn’t mean I will like it.
TALK, TALK, TALK! You must communicate during sex. That way you both say what you want. Laughing is even welcome when things go wrong. That’s the whole point of sex, to have a good time. Give specifics and help each other to enjoy amazing sex!

*Side Note – Remember to practice safe sex. If you have sex without any form of contraception, then you may be at risk of a pregnancy (as well as a sexually transmitted infections).

Here’s a link to their blog: https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/30-things-women-want-men-to-know/

Hope you all enjoyed!

Max

I meet Max, online, on the anonymous app that I use when bored, again not really for dating or adults, but we chat a fair bit, he tells me that he’s married, pretty early on in the conversation actually – probably a bit too soon, at least I didn’t have to probe it out of him for a change like most married guys (Where are all the bloody single men?!) but this one has a new take on married life… He’s in an open relationship – Well that’s one I haven’t heard before, so I’ll give him credit for that at least. But I keep talking to him because he keeps making the effort.

We talk about a lot of things over the few weeks, when he says that him & his wife with another friend are going to Switch, a kinky event that I was still yet to attend as I didn’t have any friends that would want to go with me – but I did want to go. He kinda invites me but I decline as I don’t even know this guy, I really don’t think I want to meet his wife or his friend & him all in the same night, or his wife ever.

When things for the second time are rocky with Milky, I decide that I need another FWB so this could work maybe – in some weird way. I won’t be able to get attached to him, so it might work out being that I am fucking sick of bloody men dicking me around – this guy can’t do anything bad to me really. Can he? We talk about meeting & how I have been kayaking a lot recently, when he says that he wants to go with me. I suggest that we go out together one time, so that’s how he suggests we meet.

The weekend we’re supposed to meet, I go out drinking & dancing on a boat cruise, which docks fairly early & my friend drops me home. I’m tipsy & bored trying to find someone online to come over to fuck me – I’m horny & tipsy, what can I say? I’m chatting to a couple of people & Max – who I am meeting tomorrow around lunchtime for the first time for a kayak.

He tells me to unlock the door, stay in bed naked & wait for him. I say no instantly, but he keeps asking for my address & talking sexy… I have to admit I get a little excited, that I decide to do it. Next minute I’m typing out my address at 2:00 am to a compete stranger, thinking how can this guy just get up & leave his wife to fuck me but he says he’s on his way, so no time to think about that, so I need to unlock my front door, which I do & then I’m waiting for this guy to walk into my house while I get back into bed naked.

He seems to be taking his time, when I get a message asking what number house I live in, when I tell him, he realises he’s trying to open my neighbors door. He’s so fucking lucky that they didn’t wake up & call the cops. A dude lurking around the streets trying to open peoples front doors. Hahaha.

I’m lying in bed, watching TV waiting for him to rock up, I have amazing hearing so have been waiting to hear the door unlock, waiting to hear the screen door to close, I hear nothing & think this guy is taking his sweet ass time from next door, I even look at my phone again to see if he’s typing, when I see a weirdo in my doorway wearing a skeleton hoodie. I jump a fucking mile! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I wouldn’t be surprised if I swore or made some weird squealing noise. Because I’m a little bit shaken, he comes over to my side of the bed to get in but I tell him to go to the other side, he says that I’m abrasive. But I mean this guy has just scared the shit out of me, I’m tipsy & not even sure what he really looks like in real life (he’s walked in with a skeleton covering his face!)

He’s pretty cute, I am attracted to him – well kinda too bad if I’m not, I guess, he’s climbing into my bed. We kiss, talk & cuddle & have sex before we fall asleep. In the morning we have sex again & because it’s good sex, I suggest that we just stay in bed, I don’t want to go kayaking anymore. I’d rather have good sex. It’s different than with Milky, it’s exciting again because it’s not just my legs in the air but he wants to go so he says we’ll go kayaking as we planned. We pack the kayaks up & head down to the river.

We kayak for a while when I realise that the tide is going out because we took so long to drag our asses out of bed. So we sit next to each other floating down the river & he kisses me or touches my leg all the time, just like he did when we were loading the kayaks, he constantly was touching me or finding a way to kiss me without it being too weird. I find myself enjoying the affection to be honest, Milky isn’t affectionate at all really, I mean even his aftercare when he spanks me is lacking somewhat, I am quite surprised from my research of the kink world & what Doms should do after they do any sort of impact play. I’m not much of an affectionate person, but Max literally acts like he’s interested in me, being cheeky & always finding a way or reason to touch me. It’s probably a real first. I mean Boyfriend sort of did that but it’s been a while since I had this type of affection.

When we finish kayaking & he tells me that his wife Sweetie (Her nickname on the chat app), will be really upset that we went kayaking because she really wants to go. Didn’t he tell her where he was going with me? I’m also like why would you tell me that? I don’t want to piss her off – especially since I am enjoying the time with her husband, I suggest that he can borrow my kayaks anytime to take her out.

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He messages me everyday after our first meet & within a week he says that he wants to see me, right now & that he’s coming over. It’s late on a Sunday night after my family has left for the night. We just cuddle on the couch, he’s in his batman pyjamas but of course we have sex – it’s me after all…. Lets face it! It’s nice just to hang with him, he doesn’t sleep over but I enjoy the time we spent just chilling & talking.

I ask him if he wants to go to the movies with me to see Fifty Shades of grey – I had bought tickets & the date was looming & I had no one to take that wanted to see it, this was perfect as I knew it would probably make me horny! He says yes & that he’d take me out for dinner too – like a proper date. I book a table our for dinner & he tells me that he’s vegan. Does that mean I need to eat vegan too? I ask if it’s ok if I order chicken, he says yes but I get the feeling it’s not ok & I feel bad the whole meal, wishing I ordered at least a vegetarian option. Again he’s affectionate, tickling my leg or playing footsies with me, we hold hands while walking to the cinema, that I actually forget that I am on a date with a married guy. It’s been so long since I had an proper date, which feels more like a few months in date, not a few weeks in date. I can’t even remember when I have felt so special on a date… After like a year hanging with Milky & watching TV, this is really really good. He’s picked me up, driven me here. I don’t think I’ve watched a single TV show with Max! When he came over to hang out the TV was on, but we never actually watched it.

We watch the movie with his hand on my leg the whole time. I feel awkward, but somehow it also feels so natural, this is so strange. He’s got a wife & 4 kids! As if I could forget though, he brings her up quite a bit. It’s a good reality check to be honest, not sure if its his way of keeping me at an emotional distance or if he just doesn’t have anyone else to talk about. But at this point anyway, I am so closed off to the prospect of a relationship, so he’s got nothing to worry about. He comes back to stay at my house that night, it’s pre planned that he’s staying over so Sweetie knows of course, but she messages him a few times during the night & also calls him just as we get back to my house, for something frivolous, nothing that couldn’t wait. I mean she knows where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, so why would she call if she’s ok with him spending the night?

Offroad

I met this guy online, he didn’t have a profile picture up, so I never saw his face & I wasn’t sure what he looked like, but I thought I would try something new to meet men & maybe meet someone that I didn’t like the look of, or even know what they looked like. Who knows where it could lead right? I apparently need to branch out.

But after talking to this guy a while he sent me pictures of his face, he wasn’t entirely my type but I thought that I would give him a go because we did get along quite well online, so I thought, maybe I just need to go for men that I am not as attracted too… I mean when I go for men that I am attracted to they end up being a douche, Origin/Milky case in point!

We plan to meet & I am a bit unsure about meeting him knowing he is a bit older & from his pictures he actually looks older than he really is. I decide that a drink is the best option because I am not that keen & I can gauge how it will be with him & if I want to see him again.

I arrange to meet him at the newly renovated pub where I actually met Origin for the first time, it’s the easiest nicest place around me. Offroad was fine with that, even though I think it’s closer to me!

When he arrived I was already there, I hate being the first one there but then again I hate having to walk around the pub trying to find the person you’re supposed to be on a date with, especially if they look nothing like their pictures. I don’t want to walk in the pub, look around then sit somewhere else while they’re sitting a few tables away & I didn’t recognise them! How embarrassing. Anyway he arrives & comes to the table I’m sitting at. It’s a square smallish table, (this may not seem important, but wait! Hahaha.) I’m sitting at one side of the table, as you do, right. He offers to get me a drink, I tell him what I want & wait for him to come back. I assess the outfit as he walks off, it’s a spring afternoon, so he’s casual, wearing a baseball cap, harry high pants which are light blue jeans that are kind of baggy so he has a belt on that gathers the waist, a pinkish polo shift that’s tucked in so the belt is exposed & his collar is popped… Yeah… You know the type, right… So not the type of guy I like the look of.

I decide not to judge his outfit, even though I despise it. We do get along well online so lets give him a chance before I write him off, clothes can be changed if we get into a relationship, anyway. But when he returns with our drinks, he sits down in his chair, moving it so his own legs are straddling one of the legs of the table & so he’s half sharing my side of the square table & half using his – basically, the corner of the table is poking him in the gut. He sits with his head in his hand, his elbow resting on the table, not taking his eyes off me the whole time, sitting so ridiculously close, it’s so intense that I am weirded out. I don’t know if I should get up & sit on the opposite side of the table but then we’ll be face to face & might be weirder. We talk a lot but he the conversation is very intense about my work & I am conscious not to go into work mode. I start getting concerned how I am going to get out of this afternoon date & stop it from leading into the night.

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I go to the bathroom & message Milky to come over tonight. He’s used me to get out of a date, maybe I can use him to get out of this one. Milky agrees to come over about 6 or 7, so at least I won’t’ be sitting by myself tonight. Now what do I say to Offroad? So I go back to the table & I start dropping hints that I have a friends house to go to later tonight & I have to make a cheese platter. (WTF?) He seems genuinely disappointed but asks me millions of questions about the cheese I’m taking, about my friends & what the function is that I’m going too. Oh my god, does he not believe me? (Well he has every reason not to trust me, I am lying to him right now, but fuck, I don’t know this guy! Take the hint!)

It’s harder than I thought to lie to him, because he keeps trying to get another drink or keep the conversation going, even though I’ve said a few times I better get going. I am petrified about what might happen when he walks me to the car, but luckily I think the vibe I am giving off, he leans into kiss my cheek & hug me goodbye. I know now that I am 100% not interested in this guy.

A few days later, I get messages from him, I try to ignore them because I hate that conversation & surely he got the drift. However he starts to send me cock shots & jerking off videos that I am even more turned off by him. I don’t mind a cheeky nudie picture or two with a guy I am interested in, but there is nothing more disrespectful than a guy constantly sending you his cock when you haven’t even seen it in real life!

I get rid of him by telling him I’m not interested, but over the months that follow I often get a cock shot or a jerking video. I mean I haven’t spoken to him at all for weeks & he’s sending me pictures & videos. The easiest way to ignore is not to read the messages he sends! Sometimes that doesn’t stop them but in this case, eventually he got the message!

Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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“One”
I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
“Three”
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
“Hmmmm”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Four”
“Pleeeeessssseeee”
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Six”
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
“Seven”
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
“Eight”
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/122

Mechanic #4

I take Mechanic’s sunnies with me to work, I figure he’ll want them today, like I said I cannot survive without my sunnies for a minute so he’ll want them back, surely. I put them on & send a picture of me in them & say something cheeky about him leaving them behind. He makes a joke but doesn’t ask me to drop them off or ask to pick them up. Well he is at work so maybe he’ll want them back tonight.

It takes him almost another month to finally want to come pick up his sunnies, we’ve been chatting every day on the chat app, but I guess that him leaving them behind didn’t have any meaning, besides he actually forgot them. I love how my mind made that into something way bigger than it was. We chat about all sorts of things though, I talk to him about the kink that I’ve been getting into & he says that he’s interested in being ‘pegged’ (A woman using a strap on with a man.) It’s around this time too, that I am buying a lot of sex toys, so I buy a strap on online to see if this is something I am into. At this point in my life, I am open to trying anything a man suggests. Why not, this is all new to me as well.

The night he plans to come get them, he says he’s really busy at a friends then has to go to another friends also, he’ll pop in just for a drink but can’t stay. When he walks in with a whole bottle of Jack Daniels & 2 litres of coke, I wonder how much he thinks he’s going to drink. We talk for a while in the kitchen & the conversation flows easily over a couple of drinks, when he finishes his drink, picks up his bottles, says he’s running late to his friends house (yes that’s because he was also late getting to my house) & he gets ready to leave. I think surely he’s not going to leave without even kissing me. So I make a move. Yes unheard of for me, I never do that, I leaned in & kissed him, he kissed me back, so I grab the bottles & put them down, I feel like this is the last time I’m ever going to see him.

We move, kissing the whole way into my bedroom where we have sex, its quick & hot, not as good as other sex we’ve had but I still enjoyed it. He jumps up afterwards & says that he has to go. I am a little disappointed but he’s been saying this all evening. I’m not sure I believe it, I think that he’s not keen on me anymore.

We talk a little bit after that, but he never really makes an effort to chat to me when I try, which I do message first sometimes, to show that I am interested. But that doesn’t seem to help. He’s obviously not keen on me, or he’s found someone else, who knows what happens with men. I’m genuinely sad, but I have others I’m chatting to so I don’t let it get to me. However this guy was my dream guy…

A few months later, I get given a new car at work & it needs some plastic thing added to the front, they ask if I will take it to the dealer. I say yes of course, not realising what I am saying, then I immediately freak out. What if I see him there? Will he think I am stalking him – like some sort of weirdo? I go there, into the shop, trying to look casual but also trying to keep an eye out for him. Will he pretend not to know me if he does see me? Would he say hello? Would that spark the conversation online again? Would I have to message to say I’m not stalking him? OMG… Overthinking overload! I don’t see his car anywhere, but I am at a car yard, so there a hundreds of cars there, I have no idea where he would park. Thank god I don’t see him, though a part of me is a little disappointed too… I don’t know where he parks but I didn’t see his car either.

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Months later, maybe 12 or more, at my family dinner (which we have every Sunday night at my house since my nanna passed away) my brother in law starts to mention a single guy that he met on the weekend, he is a friend of a friend who came over to fix his car, he said to me that he’s single & British, my ears prick up. Then he says he’s got a hotted up Ford Ute, I ask if it’s purple, he says yes, then I say ‘Oh, I’ve already fucked him in that ute’ FUCK as if I just said that in front of my mum! That was an accident! (Sorry mum! -Though hope she’s not reading!) I show my brother in law the picture of him on he chat app & it’s the same guy. My sister said that he did do a double take when he met her. Oddly they tell me that his kid was playing with my nephew quite well. Errr, ok? He’s got a kid? He never mentioned having a kid. Why wouldn’t he tell me he had a kid? I was chatting to him for almost 6 months. Maybe I got this guy all wrong.

My brother in law tells me that he just broke up with someone (well that explains him disappearing) I figure he wasn’t cheating on his partner because he slept over one night & was at my house really late the other times. But assumed he met someone else. I wonder if that’s why the last night he was here, he was late between visits to his friends house & his new girlfriends? Who knows…

My family egg me on to message him on the app, I do asking him if the chick he met the other day looked familiar. It takes him a couple of days for him to reply to me & he says yeah he didn’t realise it was my sister, but Adelaide is a small place (yeah no shit). We chat a bit & for a few days but it fizzles out. While this guy was my perfect on paper guy, he’s not my perfect guy, you know, he’s clearly got issues, I mean who doesn’t tell someone they’ve met a few times & that they’ve slept over about a kid they have! I leave this one alone, even though it is a hard one to let go! He literally had my whole imaginary Checklist!

Milky #7

We text a lot actually, at one point Milky tells me that I am good at sex (Yes… I love hearing that! Although, clearly I knew! hahaha) & we have banter about the bambillo empire I apparently have or of me falling of the bed that one time (like ages ago! Move on dude, these jokes are so old!). He shows concern for me when I tell him about a drunken night after a work function around Christmas when I was left on my own, ridiculously drunk, I remember falling over because I have bruises but I don’t remember how I got back to the hotel.

However after all the texting, it’s still another couple of weeks before we catch up again, at his house. Nothing exciting, yet again, we sit watch TV, drink wine & fuck. Wow, we’re like a fucking married couple unless I’m drunk AF! This is fucking bullshit. Literally the same position every fucking time we have sex… Where’s the guy who introduced me to a bit of kink? Lucky I am seeing other people, not like last time when I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

However in the morning, he asks to see my ‘toys’ (you know, the kind in your bedside table!), he pulls them all out & basically uses almost every single vibe on me & also takes a fair bit of time whipping my butt with a flogger at the same time, so much so that I get some instant bruises. FINALLY! Some kink… Well done Milky! He’s redeemed himself! That was actually a lot of fun! I discover that I actually really enjoy a bit of pain – not for everyone I know, but it’s a thing I have started to enjoy…. I also love a bruise from being cheeky, maybe for a week afterwards & I smile every time I look at it!

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I am away a lot for work, so I don’t get much time to see anyone, so it’s yet another couple of weeks later before we catch up again, by this time I have also recently got a pool table, from my Nanna’s house as she has just gone into a nursing home & no one in the family wanted wanted it, I don’t really have room for it at my house, but it was my Grandpa’s who I never met because he died years before I was born, however I was a bit sentimental about this pool table, so I got it & put it in the middle of my lounge room! I have an L shaped lounge, so I was able to put in part of the lounge without disrupting my living much. I was going to put it outside but didn’t want it to get ruined being it’s like 40 years old or something! (How cool am I? Putting a pool table in my lounge room… I mean I am the perfect girlfriend!)

He comes over just before Christmas, I am just sitting on the couch drinking vodka (I usually have a rule not to drink alone, but I decide that since he might be coming over, I won’t be alone) Milky is not one to bail, he is dependable, so I know that he’ll be there later. When he comes over, he gives me a bottle of wine – a dessert type wine, which he gives me as a gift. I am a bit perplexed about the gesture but it doesn’t spark anything in me. If he’d done that a few months ago, I probably would’ve been picking out my wedding dress (well not really, but you get me… Hahaha) but I felt nothing, I didn’t even feel bad for not having something for him in return. Not even a box of regifted chocolates or anything.

We watch tv & eat dinner (pizza) as our usual ritual, we kiss on the couch, then have sex as usual at the end of my bed, with my legs in the air. But early hours of the morning, he gets up & I think nothing of it till I sleepily see him by my bedside, fully dressed & staring at me. He says that he’s been vomiting & he needs to go home. I, of course, agree, I don’t want to get sick. I message him later to see how he is but he says that he’s not any better & he ends up taking the Monday off work.

We text a lot over Christmas, he makes a Toblerone cheesecake & I say that I want one & he should make me one then invite me around. This year I am on the skeleton crew at work so I am working everything except the public holidays, as he’s now a contractor at his work, he has the time off… He tells me that he’s saved me some of the cheesecake but because I am working, he’s going to eat it! Jerk! (I actually wonder if he did save me some or if it was just banter! I’ll probably never know…)

We have banter over the fact that I only ever watch 9Life (a TV station basically of home improvement shows) & my new computer which I needed his help resetting – I have to eventually take the thing back to the store & replace it with my current computer, but he gets fired up about me actually taking the old one back & getting a refund because it’s faulty (It’s not turning on properly or holding charge.)

He asks casually the week before New Years about catching up on New Years Eve (err really?!). But I say that I’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere, I assume that he’ll want to stay where ever he is for midnight then we’ll catch up when I’m home like 1:00 am or 2:00 am. On actual New Years eve, he messages me to say “Hey still want to catch up later on?” at about 8:00 pm, I say I can’t drive (already drunk!) but I am a few minutes away from my house. Just before 10:00 pm he says he’s done & I say I won’t be leaving till after midnight (how would I even explain that to my friends) but he says that he’ll let me party & hopefully see me tomorrow night. Did he really think that I would leave a NYE party before midnight? I don’t see him obviously, but I get a happy new year text from him just after 12:00 am.

On new years day he asks me if I want to write a list of all the things I want to do, I think that’s a bit crass as I want my kinky life to evolve, (I am still relatively new to this but now I know a list is a common occurrence in a kink relationship, to establish boundaries & understand what each of you may or may not want to do) I tell him that my Fetlife has a lot of information on there & he should check that out, which he says that he has, but I should be more open with him.

We seem to bicker about the fact that he thinks I am not open with him, he can’t understand why when we’ve been seeing each other for months but like I say to him, he once he pulled out a rope, butt plug & flogger & all I said was that I am not ready to be tied to something so he put it away & never used anything on me that night, then we ended. Another time, he said he’d tie me up & cane me, I said I wasn’t ready for a cane & he didn’t do anything kinky that night either. So I am not as open as I want to be but can’t help it… I’ve never done a lot of this stuff before. I am in uncharted territory, I don’t know what to expect or what to do & he’s not a great teacher – when I say no to one part of what he suggests, I get nothing at all, so I’m reluctant to say anything. He says that it’s hard for him as he has social interaction issues & that’s why he doesn’t have a lot of friends but he also feels like I am so reserved with him. I tell him that besides Boyfriend over 10 years ago, he’s the longest I’ve ever slept with a guy, he says that because I have dicks pics being sent to me I must have a million guys interested in me. Is that what a dick pic means? Really? I always thought it was because the guy is a fuck wit! Hahaha.

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

Flaccid #2

So what is it about me, that I am good enough to sleep with once, forget about & then when they see me online again when I stupidly reactive my accounts that they decide that they want to see me again. Or is it that they just have had no other options & I’m stupid enough to let them back into my life?!

Well this guy Flaccid who couldn’t even keep hard when we had sex a but he did almost make me cum – I mean almost isn’t as good as making me cum, I am not sure why being close to making me cum is a good thing (I guess I’m trying to be positive), but I guess it was the way he was going to make me cum… Read the previous blog about him…

When I give him my number again I think what the hell am I doing? He calls me one night & we almost end up having phone sex, but I’ve never done that before so it feels a little weird for me, especially with a random dude but I’m not sure I am very good at vocalising what I think they should do or what I would do. I mean I’m not mute when I have sex with someone, I can do it when they are touching me in real life a little & I sort of do it over text but I don’t know if I can do it with a random over the phone.

He texts me a few times over the course of few weeks, but I end up ignoring him after a while, I assume that it’s just going to be sex & I am over just being a sex toy for men. I want something more; I want to be taken out on dates & shown a good time. I want to be spoiled, I want someone to look at me & think they never want to see anyone else, that I am it!

If I keep this casual thing going then a I ever going to find that one person who wants me? Is there actually someone out there for me? I stop talking to him for months.

flaccid #2

So with this in mind, I’m not sure why I talk to this guy again when he pops back up months later… How & why he keeps coming back into my life but he does & I seem to be only too keen to let him. WTF is wrong with me? Clearly there is something wrong with them as they are still single, but then I mean I am still single too, but that’s also because these are the types of guys I am left with!

He tells me that he wants to catch up with me as soon as he can, he’s leaving to go to the UK for a year for work. Right, so what is the point of this? Why am I even considering this? We message & message but he always has an excuse as he’s sold his car already & can’t get to my house, he’s living with family so I can’t go to see him. Blah blah blah.

It’s been almost a whole year since we fucked the first time, when I allow him to come over. This time we’ve talked about what he should do if he goes soft & I remind him how good he was when he actually almost made me cum – just to boost his ego. When he comes over, we will just fuck, there is no small talk or anything because well lets face it, I’m never going to see him again after tonight, he leaves in a few days to go overseas & I’ll probably never talk to him again after tonight either.

So he comes over & the sex is actually really good, it goes for a while, he goes down on me & he makes me cum, which surprises me, I mean I figured that he would get me close, but I can tell you that I was convinced he’d get me over the edge! I’m glad he did. He hangs around for a little while, just lying there naked, chatting. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

When he gets to the UK, he starts messaging me on what’s app for his UK number, we message, I think mainly for him to get validation from me that I had a good time this time. I put his mind at ease. He starts his convo with a dick pic asking me what I think, I mean I hate when they ask, what are you supposed to say? I say it looks big & try to move on.

We talk a lot about porn, I have been watching a lot lately, not sure why, I seem to go through phases of watching lots or not watching it at all. But in this phase, I am watching it daily – I have very specific tastes on what I watch, I won’t just watch anything & I hate home made porn… It’s about this time that I am heading to the UK with my Aunty. I keep in contact with him because I think that we might be able to catch up, if we’re in the same city. Not sure how I’ll get away from my aunt, but I’ll work something out since I probably won’t have sex for a month while away.

I also suggest to him that he buys himself a fleshlight (A male sex toy, basically a hole in a tube that they can masturbate with) because he seems to jerk off a lot, which is odd being that his nickname from me is Flaccid but oh well. He buys one & I regret suggesting it because he sends me videos all the time of him using it. Why do men do that? I don’t give a fuck if you cum. I cum every day by myself & don’t video for any one… Actually I’m certain guys would love it if I did.

We never meet up while I’m in the UK. We message the whole time though but it never happens. We talk even more when I get home from the trip, but he still has another year or so away. We talk about when he’s coming home, but I will be in Hawaii when he gets home. I’m also talking to multiple other guys (stories to come) that I don’t want to meet him so I ignore his final messages to me on his UK number.

He has messaged me about 2 years later, he found my phone number (I’d been though a lot – stories to come) & so we messaged a bit but he again didn’t have a car & then was drunk & wouldn’t catch a taxi/uber, so I’ve ignored everything since then. He messages again & I finally ask “why are you messaging me?” he replies that he just wanted to say hi, I ask “just hi?” but he never responds… All I wanted to know was what he wanted… Did he want to just fuck or does he want more. Maybe I didn’t word it right but seriously I don’t even care that he never responds, I’m sick of games.

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

Jerk Off #2

So before I met Origin I was chatting to this guy Jerk Off on snapchat, you may not remember him or the story, as he was no one really of significance. But he of course sends me unsolicited dick pics including a video of him jerking off which I rapidly saved (why do I save them?!), but a few friends would ask to show them pics, especially ones who had been in relationships for a long time. (I’m still not 100% sure why men send them or what they think we do with them but I get a lot, at one stage there I was getting an average of one per day!)

This guy lives so far away from me, yet he constantly snapchats me every few days to hook up with him. I’ve kept him in the loop because you never know what might happen & look I’m still single after all, after disaster after disaster & the recent disaster with Origin, I figure that he might be a good rebound (so to speak) since I’m going to be staying in the country town a few over from where he lives in a few nights after heading out to a local pub for a friends birthday.

He snapchats me all through the night, I shamelessly ask him to come to my friend’s house to have sex with me, but he says no. (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!) I don’t get this guy, he knows that we live far apart & this is probably the closest we’ll ever be, distance wise, but he doesn’t want to come over. I go to bed feeling like a really big fool, another guy I offer myself on a platter too, rejects me. Could things get any worse?

He snapchats me the next day to see how I’m feeling asking me if I was wearing cute underwear, which I tell him I was & that it’s his loss. He agrees but I stop talking to him. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I can’t keep offering myself up for just no strings sex & still end up in bed alone. I feel so stupid. I can’t even believe that this is happening to me again, for like the twentieth time in my life.

It was probably for the best to be honest, I mean how would I explain that to my friend or their friends the next day that I had some random dude come over & fuck me. I mean that would have probably been the worst walk of shame. Though I probably wouldn’t have let him sleep over, I would’ve kicked him out. But I have no idea where people were sleeping, I mean he could’ve walked past anyone.

Jerkoff #2

We keep snapchatting for a few weeks – why I don’t know, I don’t really know why he keeps messaging me, I never initiate a message with this guy. It’s clearly never going anywhere. I delete him off my account after a few months. Every time I am online dating again, he pops up as a match. But clearly we’re just never going anywhere. This is a colossal waste of my time, as usual!

UPDATE: I deleted him from my snapchat but he pops up online ALL the time whenever I fall back into the trap of online dating again. I never accept his requests every again. I need to start making decisions for myself – not with my vagina!

Guest Blogger: Honest, Unfiltered Advice

Some of this is hard to read because it’s so true for me… I think we sometimes like to ignore the reality for the fantasy, I am so guilty of it.

Honest, Unfiltered Advice

This will be a constant work-in-progress: read through these when you have problem or aren’t sure what to do.

I’m being blunt for a reason. Some days, even I get tired of being a “Dear Abby” for my nearest and dearest.

So here they are- some pearls of wisdom from the she-wolf herself:

if you have to ask if you should leave; you already know the answer. You don’t need someone else to validate you. It’s your damn life.

If things haven’t changed by now, they won’t. Ever.

If you want to put up with the same shit day in, day out, then why are we even having this conversation?!

No-one is coming to save you, so stop being such a sook and get your shit together.

A man won’t fix your problems. Stop waiting for a knight in shining armour, because they’re all fucking retards wrapped in tin foil.

A vibrator might not take out the trash or hug you, but it won’t cheat, lie or ruin your life either.

If you don’t even respect/love/want/ care for yourself, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to, either.

It’s ok to just cut people off without saying goodbye.

If you have to seek validation from other men by way of things like lingerie selfies/ videos, because your man isn’t appreciating you as much as you’d like, then you really need to ask yourself if you should be marrying him.

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.

The grass may look greener in the other side, but it’s likely going to be fertilised with the same shit.

If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you
Don’t listen to your heart, because your heart is a fucking idiot. Listen to your brain and your gut. They have more sense.

Here is the link to this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/246

guest blogger honest unfiltered advice

I’ve said it before that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you, something I’m still working on!

Origin #10

I get up early, washing my hair, putting on a full face of makeup (so that by the time he gets here it’ll be faded like I didn’t do it for him – yes I’m a nutcase!) cleaning my house, waiting for Origin to text me to say that he wants to catch up. The morning passes by without hearing from him. I try not to read into it being he said he was out last night, maybe he is sleeping in. Maybe he decided not to cancel on his mates & go out with them anyway.

I start to think this is not a good idea, waiting around for him to text me, what have I done? Do I not remember what caused me to stop talking to him in the first place? He started backing off & not contacting me as much, he’s looking for something else, he’s looking for someone else! But stupidly I am not ready to give up on this one.

Just before 2:00 pm, I get a text saying he’s got a few things that he has to do today so he can’t catch up but offers up dinner on Wednesday night instead. I try to hide my disappointment but I agree to Wednesday dinner, thinking that a date is a better idea than him coming over to my house anyway & us ending up having sex & not sorting anything out. There is so much I want to tell him & I really want to see him too.

I guess my main concern is that I got the feeling he was really into me, I thought this was going somewhere so now how am I supposed to know what is going on? Or what he is thinking? The good part about this now, is that I wasn’t upset when he bailed today. I’m just angry, I think that’s what I need, is for this to fizzle out rather than me end it before I am ready to give up.

I text him on Monday, he responds & we have a short chat, it’s a bit weird. Late Tuesday night he asks how I am; I reply & ask the same. He says he’s sick (again – really?! Not this old chestnut…) but we have some friendly banter about how he should listen to me Dr IBD4U & he says that’s sexy, I say that I’ll change my profession tomorrow & he says Fuck Yes. Now all the while we’re talking about how sick he is, I know that this is code for I’m going to bail on you tomorrow night. Sure enough at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, I get the text saying he’s in bed not well but am he’s free this weekend. This is what I wanted, my feelings are rapidly evaporating, he’s a leopard showing his true spots. I agree to a weekend movie date but will bet $10000 that I never see this guy again!

As I suspected, I don’t hear from him about the movie date & I decided not to message him to initiate it. I expect never to hear from him again, which is now ok, I am not sad at all, I am now quite ready to let him go. Yet at 12:00 am on Saturday night/Sunday morning I get a message asking how my night was going (he knew I was going out) I say I’m having a good night, my feet hurt so that’s a good sign. He says he’s tired & going to bed. WTF? I don’t respond, why the hell did he bother texting me at all?

Sunday night about 9:00 pm he asks how I pulled up & we text for a bit; he says he’s feeling better with antibiotics but his friend’s dad died & he just found out. He changes the subject to talk about other stuff but I end up stopping the conversation. What is with this guy? It’s been over two weeks since we saw each other & he’s still keen to text me but I am still safe with my $10000 bet!

Origin #10

One morning when I can’t sleep, I am going through my phone when I decide to re-read every text we ever sent each other. As I start I think ‘this isn’t going to end well for me’ but as I read I see why I liked him & it wasn’t all in my head that he liked me. But I read a very interesting text that I either glossed over when he said it or I just didn’t take it in.

We were talking about meeting people from online & what the worst parts are (now you know I have A LOT of stories so it’s probably why I didn’t really get his response) I was too busy telling him about some of the douches I have met when he said that he hasn’t met anyone from online yet. So, I was the first person he met online? I was the first person he met since his ex-girlfriend of 5 years! What if I reacted to that rather than being too busy telling him some of my fucking stupid stories, would things be different? Would I have freaked out knowing he had only met me & probably needed to spread his wild oats after his relationship? Maybe not, maybe I would’ve kept my guard up a bit. Perhaps I could’ve got a little distance – kept seeing other people myself but taken it slow & seen where it went with him? Or would I still have gotten attached to him regardless but I would’ve been in deeper therefore I would’ve ended up more hurt?

Anyway I feel like it’s still not the end with this guy & I don’t know why we don’t cut ties with each other, he is looking for someone else. (A trophy wife – his texts also revealed that he liked his girl to get dressed up when she met his friends – Don’t know how I glossed over that too! Plus, with the chick he was stalking online, she was that type of girl) but I mean his profile when we met did say ‘a girl who looks after herself.’

He is looking for a trophy wife (which is ironic that his ex wasn’t a trophy wife – maybe that’s why they broke up?!) & I’m looking for what? I am looking for someone like him, someone naturally funny with one-liners, someone who compliments me on the way I look – who genuinely thinks that and someone who wants to see me. But most of all I want someone to love me.

I’m actually now really scared that that fear is making me desperate when a guy shows me a bit of affection!

What If?

When dating, I personally think the worst possible sentence you can say to yourself is ‘What if?’ It’s so dangerous for a person like me who overthinks EVERY single scenario in my head until I make a problem that wasn’t there to begin with.

What if I did this…?

What if I did that instead…?

What if I didn’t send that text…?

What if I just sent that text…?

What if I just let go of all these what if’s & just lived in the moment?

The worst part of that too, is there is no way of knowing if those ‘what ifs’ would’ve changed your life forever. If you sent that text instead of waiting for him to text, if you’d made a move to kiss him rather than waiting for him to make the move would the whole outcome have been different? Would you still be single? Would you have ended up exactly where you are anyway but had a different path? Would it have may you happier or would you still be the same?

I like to dream up these fantasy scenarios & playing them out where it goes in my favour but when I need a good cry (which doesn’t happen often) I pretend that it didn’t go in my favour – usually this is when I am in the shower & of course I’m in the rain. Hahaha. I’m not sure if this makes me weird, but I bet that there are others out there who do the same (I’m like Nina Proudman from the Aussie TV show Offspring who does exactly the same thing – So I’m not entirely alone!). I guess when you’ve been single for as long as I have, you have nothing to do but dream up scenarios about a fictitious boyfriend, who rolls over to spoon you!

What If

What if, what if, what if, my life could be so different with every single one of these guys in this blog. Imagine if I had of text Sparky rather than just waiting for him to ‘let me know’ could that have been something more? What if I just let things keep progressing with Milky & see if that turned into something more naturally rather than trying to force it? What if I had of said something different to Seacliff when he asked ‘am I the only one thinking it?’ What if I was the person I am today with Boyfriend, would things have been different with us? Or would we still have ended up breaking up eventually? Are you destined to be end up right where you are regardless of what you do; you may take a different path but would you end up in the same place?

See what I mean? It’s the worst sentence ever for an over thinker, you cannot turn back time so what is the point of even playing out these scenarios in my head? It doesn’t achieve anything but somehow it makes me feel better!

What if, what if, what if!

Origin #9

After three full days of not talking to Origin, I finally stop crying & feeling like the world is ending. At this point, I still don’t believe that I am going to have a relationship ever again (not that this was a relationship) but I am at least not crying.

As I sit in the bath one afternoon with a supreme hangover, I start thinking about what will happen when I drop his beanie back. What if he’s out the front doing gardening & we talk & I explain better in real life what I want? What if he sees me through the window & comes running out to tell me he made a mistake? What if I knock on the door, rather than being a pansy & dropping it in his letter box & then he’ll invite me in & we’ll talk properly about what we both want? If he’s out, then once he gets home, he’ll text me to tell me that he was wrong & wants to keep seeing me & can give me more of what I want. These romantic comedy scenarios make me realise that I have to drop this beanie back ASAP.

I drive to his house, my heart pounding like a drum, his car is in the driveway but I just pop it into his letterbox & drive off, secretly hoping that he’ll text me while I’m on the way home. It’s a Saturday so there’s no reason for him to check his letter box but I hope that he saw me through the window.

I obsess over it for a few hours, maybe I should let him know it’s there then I can let go. I am in two minds; I want to see if he’ll text me but I also want to text. I just decide that because I ended it then he probably won’t want to text me, because he’ll think I won’t want to hear from him. So I send a text, he responds quickly saying thanks & that I’m a legend. Should I respond to that or just leave it at that? I respond! Not waiting to end this with him… I say thanks for letting me borrow it with a winkey face. He replies anytime with a sad face. Could he be just as sad about us ending whatever we we’re doing?

I decide to put it out there, I respond saying that I’ve really missed texting him this week & he agrees, when I say really, he says ‘yeah sure, I think you’re a top chick, I just can’t commit at the moment,’ he says he’s a straight shooter but missing hanging out with me but doesn’t want to hurt me. I say that right now I’m not looking for a full on commitment, let’s face it, it’s only been 2 months, but I need to just go out on dates & know that it could be more in the future. He says that’s cool, he’s a bit of a homebody but he understands. (He is SO not a homebody, Like what?! He’s been out like everyday/night since we met!) I explain what I ended with Milky, the 5 months of hanging at our houses & feeling like a sex toy & how I felt like that was the path we were heading down. He says that’s fair enough & I ask him if he still wants to see me. He says yes & that I’m tops, if he hadn’t just been in a relationship for so long then he’d ask me out but he doesn’t know what he wants. I say I understand where his heads at & that I appreciate his honesty but I don’t want to stop seeing him, I think he’s hilarious & I ask if he still wants to see me. He agrees to catch up, I’m sitting at home & so I invite him over, he says he’s down at Glenelg having a few beers (Uh what, his car was in his driveway? & he’s texting me back while out?! Homebody, my ass!!) but maybe tomorrow. He says he’ll cancel catching up with his friends & come to see me. I said he didn’t have to cancel but would like to see him. He says he’ll message me in the morning.

Origin #9

Am I really doing this? Is this a good idea? I figure that this is not over for me yet & I realise over the last three days that I have always given up on men. If they don’t chase me, then I don’t even bother… I’ve probably got some stories in this blog of guys who I gave up on who actually liked me but the timing wasn’t right. Let’s hope this works out in my favour, but I am trying not to overthink & wonder where he is when he says he’s out having a few beers. Surely he wouldn’t be texting me if he’s on a date? Although Milky used me as an excuse to leave his date. I’m not sure rekindling this is a good idea, but I have to try… Don’t I?

Meanings

I am clearly no expert & I don’t claim to be at all in fact, people should probably not take any advice from me about how to date or what they should do while dating. Clearly I have no clue! I’m about to hit the ten-year mark (at the point of writing this, not point of posting) of being single so I’m pretty sure that I am not one to give advice. However, I want to write about what I think the meanings of things are that guys say to me…

I have men say things to me all the time & I always wonder if there is a hidden meaning or do men really mean what they say?

Well these are my theories, but I’d be happy to hear yours!

There is no spark/connection = You’re not hot enough for me to keep seeing you.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for = You’re not hot enough for me to stop seeing other people.
Let’s just see what happens = You’re not hot enough for me to commit to you yet.
I’ve got a lot going on = You’re not hot enough for me to prioritise you.
I’m not looking for something serious = You’re not hot enough for me to give up other people.
I just got out of a relationship = I just got out of a relationship & you’re not hot enough for me to stop thinking about my ex.
We should see other people = You’re not hot at all.
I’m just looking for something casual = You’re hot enough to keep having sex with but you’re not hot enough for me give up other people.
I’m not sure what I want but I want to keep seeing you = You’re not hot enough for stop seeing other people but I’ll keep you on the backburner just in case I don’t find anyone else.
I’ve been really busy = You’re not hot enough for me to prioritise you, but you’re on the backburner in case this doesn’t work out with this hot chick I’m trying to fuck.

sorry-youre-not-hot-enough-for-me-_rebel-scum-1189746.png

Are you sensing a pattern here? Hahaha. My theory is very basic, if you aren’t hot enough in their eyes, then there are a million ways to stop seeing you. I’d love to be proved wrong but so far in my experience when guys have said these things to me but I believe they all have the same meaning.

I pretty much feel that every guy I’ve dated (from the stories you’ve read so far) are all guys who are dating multiple women & somehow they find a hotter women & I am just a memory. I actually wonder if any of them had a blog, would I even rate a mention?

We’ve Fucked Before #2

I know, I know I said that I wasn’t going to catch up with this guy We’ve fucked before again after we started talking about when things ended with Milky, but this guy never let up & I kept him on the back burner, maybe that’s why things didn’t work out the way I hoped they would with Origin because I kept this guy hanging. Maybe my karma is shot!

Anyway, when he says that he wants to catch up, a few days after I end things with Origin, I agree, but the second I do, I burst into tears. Like properly howling like someone died tears. (I’m not a crier at all, so this is uncharted territory, crying so much over a guy I knew for only a couple of months but we’d text EVERY DAY & I don’t even know how long we chatted online before we exchanged numbers, it would’ve been at least a week otherwise I wouldn’t given him my number.) But I work out that I’ve got more hormones in me from taking the emergency contraception pill so I am more emotional than I usually am. Yeah that’s it!

Anyway I decide that I need something to distract me, stupidly I also don’t want to have sex with this guy in case Origin comes back into my life & then I have to explain that I had sex only a day after I ended it with him. However, I guess I’d have to explain that I had sex with ‘Bowie’ the night Origin bailed on me the first time, so whatever, it’s going to be ruined even if Origin does come back but let’s face it, this blog is proof that I am not living a romantic comedy & even when I put myself out there for the first time in TEN years, I still end up alone!

I finally agree, after the whole day of texts with him & I say that he can come around at 5:30 pm, I had told him I’ll be in a robe when he gets here & we can head straight to the shower (seems to be his fantasy) but once I’m ready & tel him to come over, he text to me that he had to pick up his sister. What the actual fuck dude… I burst into tears I can’t even get a random guy I’ve fucked before to want to see me!

we've fucked before #2

I wait until 8:30 pm our regular scheduled time but he never comes over. This is technically the first time I have ever been stood up. Yet again I am the one that feels foolish, I am done. Done, Done, Done!

He texts me almost a week later saying he got a new phone after dropping his in the toilet & that’s why he hasn’t gotten in contact, I write back a bit, get another dick pic & the offer for him to come over. I just put him off, do I really want to go there? I thought I said I was done!

He messages all the time & I reply but then when I set a date & time, he doesn’t message me, I just can’t be bothered. I really can’t.

Guest Blogger: Collection

I literally laughed out loud when I read these. I love it.

Thank you to She-Wolf for allowing me to share her stories with you!

Collection

Below are a collection of my funnier sexcapades.

These are the stories my girlfriends snicker over. I still do too.

Sex should be an enjoyable experience. It should be memorable.

If anything, I hope these stories give you a belly-laugh, and make you think “thank god that’s not me”…

1. Overexcited

This guy I met walking home. He kept lapping past me, beeping his horn to get my attention. He finally realized that I wouldn’t respond to cat-calling and showboating, and decided to pull over to talk to me.

He was a little older than me, with beautiful Mediterranean features and a hint of an accent. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. These days, I wouldnt; but back then I was young and stupid.

We met a few times and on about the 3rd date we actually kissed. It wasn’t great. Too much tongue. Kissing can be taught though, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next time we met, we went for a drive. In broad daylight. He took me to a local parking spot in the middle of the afternoon. I knew what he was thinking and I knew I wasn’t up for being an exhibitionist.

He started to kiss me- thankfully, he’d taken my hints and his technique was much improved. That little kiss did way more for him than it did for me. He grabbed my hand and stuffed it down the front of his shorts, while exclaiming “see! You’ve got me all excited!”… to which I replied “you’re really not doing anything for me today; can you take me home now?!” I’ve never seen an erection deflate so fast!

2. Broke-Dick

I have known this guy basically my whole life; he’s a family friend.

We ran into each other when we were all grown up and hadn’t seen each other in years. After too much vodka and not enough thought, we bundled into a cab and went back to his place.

Initially; it wasn’t so bad. I knew him, even though I had never been this intimate with him before, so I was less hung-up than I’d normally be.

We decided to play with the handcuffs he had- which was a lot of fun. He was really physically strong, so moved me about however he liked (which I enjoyed).

After a few thrusts, we both felt a bit of pain. I told him he wasn’t doing it right. But he shook it off and tried to continue.

By now, he was really feeling sore and couldn’t work out why. He pulled out, and that’s when he saw it: blood.

Naturally; his first instinct was to ask if it was mine. It wasn’t. When he realized the bleeding was coming from him, he let out an almighty girl-scream and ran through the house naked, waking his housemates in the process.

He ran a shower and as the warm water lashed at his ripped frenulum, he screamed anew.

I’d managed to get loose of the cuffs and get changed to go check on him.

His housemates burst into fits of laughter when they realized what had happened and started chanting “broke-dick”. The name has stuck.

3. Banana-bender

I met this next one online. We had a really lovely date (anything with messina makes me happy) and there was a lot of chemistry.

He’d been in some kind of fitness competition and really badly hurt himself. I graciously offered him a massage. He accepted my offer, even though I told him that this wasn’t going to be one of those massages like in porn.

There will be no happy endings here!

Pfft! That bit of wishful thinking didn’t last long. I can’t help myself, after all.

When he pulled it out for me to look at, I had to choke back my laughter with a fake cough; it was literally so bent I bet he could pee around a corner! No joke- it’s basically a right angle.

Yes; we somehow managed to do the deed. Yes; it felt really weird. But surprisingly not that bad. A little bit of a quick-draw, but flawless technique.

4. The Thrill of Brazil

I’d been on a really lovely date with this guy. Date number two was at my place; I was cooking.

Naturally, the privacy of my home gave us both other ideas. He’d said to me that he was “very dominant” and that he wanted to do something “special” with me.

As we started to get into it, he took out his “python”- the name he gave to it (really, it was not bigger in overall dimensions than a pork sausage- delusions of grandeur, perhaps?!) And proceeded to basically rub the tip of it over my face, like he was drawing an invisible mask of zorro on me, or performing some kind of weird blessing.

As he did this, he repeatedly whispered the word “special” to me. I was literally too stunned to move; face screwed up in a curious mix of distaste and disbelief.

I mean, come on! Who the hell does that in real life and finds it erotic?!

The python spat too early and he was so embarrassed about his performance that I haven’t heard from him since.

5. The Convict

I met him after a work party that I ditched in order to go party at a strip club instead.

One of his friends mistook me for an escort and tried to worm his hand up my skirt. The slap to the face I gave him made him see otherwise.

My convict called me over to him to apologize for his friends behavior and make sure that I was ok. He and I spent the rest of the night together- drinking, dancing and getting to know one another.

He propositioned me and I accepted. He had the bad – boy look. I didn’t think twice.

After a marathon round of gymnastic Sex , I said goodbye and he swore up one side and down another that he’d call me.

I was pretty “whatever” about it. But to my immense surprise, he did!

Though he would only call me on Wednesdays. And he’d flat out text and call me on weekends, trying to arrange to see me again.

It wasn’t until sometime later, when I questioned the pattern and asked him if he was secretly married or something that he finally admitted to me the truth- he was on weekend release from jail and gets a phone call every Wednesday.

Soon after this, he got into some more trouble and his weekend release was discontinued. I never heard from him again.

6. The ANZAC Day Punter

Let it be known that the wine they serve in RSL clubs played a massive part in this bad decision.

We met around the two-up table. I won most of his money. He kept betting with me to try and win it back, but also to have a reason to stay close to me.

By the end of the night I was well past the point of making a good decision. To drunk me, he was at least a solid 8/10, with short, curly hair, broad shoulders and kind eyes.

I dragged him home and had my way with him, apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

The next morning I woke up with a raging, head-splitting hangover… and a foreign arm draped across me. I carefully peeked over my shoulder to see what I’d done and threw up in my mouth a little. My 8/10 in the harsh light of day was barely a 2.

I sent my mum a message and asked her who he was. She said I apparently really liked him. I told her she was awful for letting him take me home.

I made him a coffee, then feigned a busy day ahead to force him to leave. I thought that’d be the end of it.

I was so wrong.

About 3 months later, I was in bed asleep; blissfully unaware that someone was calling my name from the front yard.

Yes- it was him.

The noise woke my mum though; so she went to investigate. And, in a move so awful I can only describe it as a lesser form of child abuse, she let him in and woke me up to speak to him.

He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was in love with me. I tried to mask my distaste as i told him there was someone else in my life (there wasn’t) and asked if he could get home ok.

He said he couldn’t, and suggested to sleep in my bed with me. I gave him two options; my lounge, or my lawn.

Thankfully; he had left by the time I woke up.

7. The Pro Soccer Player

We met in a nightclub and he wouldn’t let me go from the moment he came and introduced himself to me.

He was really sweet; a genuinely lovely guy. He was really humble, and was polite to everyone who came to speak to him that recognized him. That kindness impressed upon me.

We went back to my place and got stuck into it. Mum was supposed to be staying at her mates place that night, so I figured I’d have the place to myself. Midway through, I thought I heard the lock turn on the front door, but I wasn’t 100%, so I just kept going, until mum flicked on my bedroom light and screamed in shock.

I did plenty of screaming myself (“Mum! Close the door! ”). The mood was instantly killed. And I sent him packing through the back door.

Clearly, mum recognized him.

She had told her friends, too.

Who were all waiting to greet me in the morning with a Mexican wave, screaming “goal” and singing “ole! Ole! Ole!” at me.

It took a few weeks for that incident to die down.

She-Wolf xx

Yep, I got a big chuckle at the office when I read these on my lunch break! Hahaha…

For those wanting to read, here is the link for She-Wolf’s blog.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/33

Origin #8

The next day I am in a better mood, all is right with Origin, I can’t be mad he’s online, were not exclusive. I wait to hear from him, all day but get nothing. All afternoon nothing. All evening nothing. I go to the gym for two hours & think he’ll text me while I’m there, nothing. This would be the first day that we didn’t text since we swapped numbers if we don’t text today. I don’t want that. So I ask how he’s feeling & if he died on me. He doesn’t write back & I’m home & stalker like online (which he is not, phew!) so I jump in the shower & wash my hair. He texts while I’m in there saying he just got home from cooking his mum dinner.

When I head into my bedroom I see that he is online & not only online but his tag line that shows up under his name (that should be like ‘who wants to chat’ or something like that) & he has some chicks user name. I fucking look up her profile, (What am I doing?! This isn’t me!) she’s gorgeous, I think a tad out of his league & I am laughing now because that will scare her off with her user name in his tag line, also he’ll scare off anyone else in his list as well. Plus, if they haven’t accepted each other then she can’t even see it, so it’s just a bit weird.

With this, paired with how much he’s been pulling away & hormones racing through my body from the morning after pill, I think that I have to find out what he wants. I hate to do it over text but I can’t go on this week feeling like shit, stalking him online & waiting for him to ask me out. I just am not this person, I am never like this, so I ask him if wants anything more than what we’re going at the moment, takeaway & Netflix? He takes ages to reply to me, but says that he’s been waiting for me to ask him this. That he isn’t sure what he wants, he just got out of a five-year relationship & normally he’d jump right into the next thing but he thinks I am awesome & enjoys being around me & having fun, but doesn’t want to rush into anything he doesn’t think he’s ready for. He respects me as a person & if it means it’s not what I want at the moment he understands. He says he’s a good person with morals & wasn’t just using me for sex.

I take a while to respond. Do I keep seeing him? Knowing he’s actively looking for other people? Am I that ok with being someone’s second choice? I respond saying that I didn’t want to do this over text but I get the feeling he’s lost interest; we’ve gone from texting all day every day to barely texting at all & I explain that I am not secure enough in myself to keep going in the hopes that he likes me back one day.

He says that he does like me & think I’m an awesome chick but he’s having family issues (Err… that’s new?!) & he’s been so sick lately (yeah because he hasn’t rested at all) that it’s got him down but the last thing he wants to do is hurt me & understands how I am feeling. He really enjoys spending time with me but is not sure he wants a serious thing at the moment which is unfair on me but he was expecting this message from me but also didn’t want it. But he’s not someone that wants to hurt me while he is working out what he wants. He understands & will respect my decision.

What is my decision? Go on & be hurt anyway or go on & maybe have the relationship I’ve always wanted or end it now so I don’t get a chance at being hurt? I hate when people list your qualities on their fingers, if I was that great, then surely he’d want to be with me, or make more of an effort to hang on to me. I don’t want to be a backup while someone works out what they want.

I reply saying, ‘yeah I know I’m awesome hahaha, just not awesome enough.’ I say it was great to meet him & hang out with him & that I’ll drop his beanie back. I say take care & hope he find what he wants. I expect that will be it, but he texts again.

He says I’m an awesome chick & seriously a few months down the track when he knows where his head is at, he’d seriously ask me out. He says he hopes I don’t see him as someone that was just after one thing because it wasn’t true. He had a super time enjoying my company, some fine wines & some of the best sex he’s had in ages. If that has to be it he can understand but wishes me the best babe & hope I find what I am looking for.

Doesn’t this idiot realise that he is what I am looking for! Without even realising, he is the guy I want, he’s funny, I find him hot regardless of how fat he thinks he is, we have so much in common & I am totally myself around him. Why is he online when he doesn’t even know what he is looking for? That’s why I believe that if I was hotter, like the girl he was trolling, he’d have jumped into a relationship with me.

I respond saying that I want to keep seeing him but my head is too scrambled with overthinking but that he should look me up when he is ready, as no doubt I’ll still be single! He says it’s understandable & he respects me & that he’ll miss our Netflix sessions.

I don’t respond, it only takes about ten minutes for me to be howling, like heaving crying – which is so unlike me, I hardly ever cry, especially over a guy. Again I put it down to the hormones. This is so ridiculous.

I cry on the way to work & am barely there mentally on Wednesday, when I get to the office in the afternoon, I burst into tears when a colleague asks me what is wrong. I go out for a drink with a friend in the evening who I have known for over five years & have never cried in front of, but tonight I cry while telling the story. An old couple walk off & as they do, the man tells her to watch the stairs, I burst into tears, my friend doesn’t know what to do, to be honest, neither do I. Hahaha. I had this guy’s phone number for just over 2 months! I need to get a grip!

Not only did I genuinely put myself out there & gave this guy way more than I’ve ever given anyone before & I really thought that he was going to say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but was willing to give up looking for other women online, otherwise I might not of said anything so soon. That was all the commitment I wanted for now. My friend told me to text that to him but I think it’s over, I’ve made my decision. I have to drop his beanie back (in his letterbox) but then I will move on.

Origin #8

I guess now I am concerned about where I am ever going to meet anyone again, how I am ever going to let someone into my life again. I think that is why I keep crying so much too, how do I keep doing this to myself? My friend said that I am closer, the more I’ve opened up the further the relationships have gone, I just need to keep putting myself out there. I think I need to hibernate for the winter.

I somehow get through the first full day without a text from him or me texting him. I cry a lot but try to go to bed early, I wake up all through the night & call in sick the next day like an idiot. I know I can’t give 100%, even 50% at work if I am constantly on the verge of tears but how stupid, I knew this guy for just over 2 months, how can I be that attached?

Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

Pick a topic
- Choose a topic you’re passionate about
- Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
- Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
- Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
Pick a blog name
- Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
- Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
- Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
- Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
- I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
Find a site that can host your blog
- I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
- Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
Keep entries short
- I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
- People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
Post blog content regularly
- At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
- People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
- Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
Don’t start posting too soon
- I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
Know your audience
- You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
Plan, Plan, Plan
- Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
- Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
Schedule your posts
- I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
- I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
Don’t post too often
- People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
Advertise your blog
- Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
- Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!

Origin #7

I don’t hear from Origin so I text him in the morning when I get to the gym at 9:00 am, thinking I’ll have a cute text from him when I’m finished & he might want to try to catch up again this weekend, even though I’ve got a few things to do, I’ll squeeze him in. I’m at the gym for an hour, nothing. I’m at the dentist for an hour, nothing. I have a shower & wash my hair then straighten it (which takes about an hour with curly hair), nothing. I go to work about 1:00 pm & finally he texts to stay that he just woke up & his throat is so sore but he hopes I don’t get sick. I text him back but get no reply.

I am also freaking out about being pregnant & STI’s, he didn’t cum in me but I am just worried, I head to the pharmacy & get the Emergency Contraception Pill for the first time in my life. I wish I could talk to him about it, that I am responsible (since we both have said we don’t want kids) but also I want someone to be there for me as I go through stuff like this. I don’t tell him though. I plan to when we catch up next.

Later that night about 8:00 pm, I text to see how he is, mainly because my friend was egging me on to invite him where we were having a drink so she could meet him. He says he’s down south having a few beers but asks how my day was (I thought he had a sore throat?!). I respond but just get ‘nice’ back, I send a smiley face & get one back but then he finally has a conversation, asks if I’m having some reds, I say yes. He asks where I am, my friend immediately gets excited that he’s going to just rock up, but I’m 100% certain that my life is not a romantic comedy & he won’t. He says that he’s about to go home at 9:30 pm & my friend wants to go so she tells me to invite him over. He’s been weird all day & we don’t have that kind of relationship yet, so I just say we’re on our way home too. He says ‘expressway bang’ so I assume he’s on the southern expressway, so I casually mention he should get off at my exit, but then he says he hasn’t even left the pub yet. What? I don’t get why say he’s on the expressway if he hasn’t left yet? Red Flag! I don’t understand this guy anymore… At least I know he’s not out with a girl, because he wouldn’t be texting me if he was. He says goodnight about 11:30 pm.

The next day I stay in bed all day & I login to my online dating account but stay invisible to just to check my messages, when I see that Origin is online. He hasn’t text me & it’s almost 2:00 pm but he’s online. Has he been online this whole time but because I haven’t been at all, I didn’t even know? I text to see how he is & he says he’s feeling shit again we text a little bit but it’s not a great interaction. It feels weird & knowing that he’s online all day has really made me realise that I have no idea what this guy is playing at. I really thought he liked me.

I try not to dwell on it, we aren’t exclusive, I’m not that naive that I don’t think people online are dating other people, so I think that I’ll back off & let him text me. But fate… Fate steps in of course! My brother is playing with my phone changing my profile photo on Facebook to his own face like a douche, when he somehow dials Origin (he’s a iPhone user, I had a BlackBerry at the time), not only once but twice! He fucking called him twice! My heart pounds in my chest, For Fuck Sake! Now I’ll never know if he was going to text me. He calls me back & I explain that my brother was playing with my phone (as if he believed that) but he asked if I was free through the week & in the city to catch up for coffee, I said yeah maybe I could work it. He said we’ll work it out.

I text him to say sorry for calling & that I could work it out on Monday if he has an early break, he says he’ll let me know in the morning. We text a bit I get confused because he called me ‘shorts’ as in short for the nickname he gave me of ‘shorty’ but I thought he was talking about wearing shorts so we have a few laughs over texts & he says that he could use a cuddle & that we would talk to me in the morning.

On Monday morning, fate fucking steps in again… on the way to work, I am on my work phone to a colleague through the blue tooth in the car when I grab my personal phone out of my back pocket & put it in the centre console of the car. About five minutes later I get a message & check it but realise that my phone has called someone, FUCK ME HARD! It’s pocket dialed Origin!! What a fucking stalker, I am so stupid! Why oh why did it call him when I had a weird weekend with him & I wanted to see if the lunch date would go ahead. I text him to say sorry pocket dial, he said ‘some guy was talking LOL WTF’ . I explain I was on my work phone, he says ok, that he’s at work with the worst sore throat ever (again?! Really?!) I say that I have deleted him out of my recent calls because I feel like a fucking stalker. He says ‘yeah you stalker 😀 & beanie stealer 😉.’ I just respond that I’ll get it back to him & he doesn’t reply.

However, stalker that I’ve become, I look at my online dating app all day & he’s online most of the day on & off, is he looking for someone else? Have I not given enough of an indication that I am interested in him for him to not want to be searching online for someone else? I put my stalker tendencies down to the fact that I have more hormones running though me than usual due to the morning after pill.

But to my surprise at 7:45 pm he texts to see how my day was, things are better, but the whole time we chat, he is online (I am now in full stalker mode just sitting online but invisible so he can’t see me) we talk like normal, he says how sick he is & how he might die off like the chauffeur’s wife in Downton Abbey, I actually laugh out loud & say ‘dude, she dies in child birth’ (Spoiler alert!). We laugh about how he might die being he’s been sick for so long, I say don’t die though because I like spending time with you & he says that he enjoys seeing me as well.

Origin #7

We kinda stop texting, so I put my phone down but then he asks me ‘what else is new babe,’ do I assume he still wants to talk but I stupidly I think that he was meant to send that to someone else. But I reply anyway & we talk about how OCD I am & how his mum is the same & how he can’t sleep with dishes in the sink. We get onto whipper snippering & how he likes to do that in footy shorts so I said he can do it for me anytime, I think that would be hot. He gets a bit of a complex when I say I think he’s got hot arms & nice legs. Eventually he says after 11:00 pm that he wants to get some sleep so we can watch some more Netflix soon. I go to sleep a happy little Vegemite. Even though he was online the whole time, he is still keen to see me!

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