Tag: Movies

I wait all day for the text to say that Origin is sick or something has come up, so when I hear from him at midday, I almost don’t want to open the text when I see his name come up. But he just asks how my night was & we chat for a bit. Later around 4:00 pm I expect that I’m going to get the I’m busy text when his name comes up again, but he asks me what time I want him to come over. Why am I so quick to think he wants to cancel even though we’ve now caught up three times & he’s still talking to me on a daily basis so what is it? Is it because I’ve been on so many bad dates already that I’m so jaded, plus this guy has been sick & also cancelled on me.

But when he comes over, he’s so complimentary about how I look, what I’m wearing, what my house looks like, it’s weird for me but I lap it up. I’ve never had a guy tell me how much he likes the way I look, especially since this is only our fourth date.

We go grab some dinner from a local Chinese shop & crack open wine bottle after wine bottle. We sit watching Netflix before he kisses me & we have sex. Like a lot of sex, we use five condoms & he makes me feel really good, although after three bottles of wine I can’t really remember it all, which is a shame, it was really good. I was so sore the next day. Perhaps I need to stop drinking when I have sex.

He leaves my house about 1:30 am but texts me when he gets home (again! Cute!) to say he had a good time, I’d already passed out so we text in the morning & text a bit, he did say the night before that he wanted to bring me coffee in the morning but he didn’t. He texts during the day to say that he wants to ‘pop around.’ About 1:30 pm he comes over & we just cuddle on the couch watching Netflix (I get him addicted to Downtown Abbey), it is so nice, I’ve never just cuddled & had someone put their hand up my shirt & tickle my skin, we do have some hot quick sex, using the sixth condom for the weekend & I say I should buy some more, he agrees & laughs.

While he was at my house on Sunday afternoon, he cleaned up a spider that I killed but was unable to vacuum because it wasn’t charged & I didn’t want to get the big one out, so he got a tissue without being asked & cleaned it up knowing how arachnophobic I am. It was so sweet, it actually made me like him more & at this point I was thinking he was liking me more, now I think we’re on par with each other.

We text later that day, he says “I had a super weekend, it was heaps of fun, I think you’re a rad chick” this is my time to put myself out there a bit & tell him that I had a great time & that I love that he makes me laugh. We say goodnight & he says “night sexy.” OMG I am getting attached to this guy already, it’s only been 3 weeks! People say all the time that things can happen quickly, I just never thought it could happen for me! I actually start deleting my other online profiles (I think I had five on the go at the time, so I just delete the more obscure ones!)

The next day about 2:00 pm he asks how my day is going, we chat for a bit, well all night really, about how much he’s thought about Downton Abbey (which I guess means he’s thinking about being with me while watching it). He abruptly stops talking to me so I assume he’s fallen asleep; I try to stay reserved so I don’t text him the next day but at about 5:00 pm he texts to ask how my day is. He says that he’s sick again with a sore throat (I have no reason to doubt the sore throat thing but I am also not sure that someone can have a sore throat so many times in three weeks, although he hasn’t seemed to rest at all since he got sick.) He agrees says that three bottles of wine & up all night having sex hasn’t helped him get better but he said it was fucking awesome though.

We text again later in the day, he’s now got a sore rib too, so I ask how he is & what he’s up too, we chat for hours via text & it’s so easy & when we have nothing to say he still finds a way to text me something. He asks if I’m getting in the shower & says that he wants to join me which I say that I’d like that if he wasn’t sick & he says he’s looking forward to it.

#IBD4U

Later that day Origin texts me to see how the rest of my day was. We text for a bit & every day afterwards. We kinda arrange to catch up on Friday night, without any set plans, but when I was getting ready in the morning I poke myself in the eye with a cotton tip (Good one idiot!) & I get a blood spot on my eye. I go to work not thinking about it but as the morning wears on it hurts more & more, plus I’d been in training for work staring at a PowerPoint presentation so my eyes were strained. They’re so sore. After training I head to the pharmacy for some drops to ease the dryness & the pharmacist tells me to get to the doctor ASAP. FREAK OUT! I make an appointment & take the afternoon off. Of course my eye is fine but it was best to get it checked out. I text Origin to let him know that I am at home with a demented eye & send him a picture so he doesn’t think I am lying about why I need to cancel our date – probably didn’t need to cancel, but I did. He tells me I look pretty, even though he can only see the side of my face & my eye.

The Doctor has told me not to use screens too much that are close to my face, just relax & watch TV, so I’m sitting at home not doing a great deal when my phone rings, it’s Origin! He rings to ask how I am & if my eye is ok, what the Doctor said. OMG how fucking adorable! We don’t talk for long but I say how sweet it is that he called to see how I am. I also text him after the call to say how sweet it is (I’m not sure why I did that, I normally wouldn’t do stuff like that, perhaps that’s why I’m single?) he likes that I did text but he called because he was worried about me. Awww, too cute! I text him goodnight at about 9:30 pm when I go to bed like a grandma, he texts back after midnight saying he hopes I feel better & to enjoy my king sized bed.

We text on Saturday & he says he’s hungover & doesn’t feel like going out but if I want to come to his house to watch a movie. I agree, feeling nervous but he suggests I bring a bottle of wine. I knock on the door & his two dogs go mental & it takes a minute for him to open the door. I let the dogs sniff my hands then they walk off to their bed. We kiss briefly hello, he tells me I look nice & he leads me into the kitchen where he pours me a glass of wine & he inspects my eye saying it doesn’t look that bad. He gives me a tour of his house, which I find a bit awkward – why do I need a tour? But then we just sit on the couch.

He suggests a movie on Foxtel which I hadn’t seen so I said that would be good, it didn’t start for an hour so we watched some crap on TV drinking the wine & chatting fairly easily. Chatting so much that we missed the beginning of the movie, so we just started watching something else, when he said “come here for a cuddle” so I moved over & then we kissed properly, FINALLY!

I probably should’ve shown some restraint, one of my friends says that I shouldn’t have sex with any man for at least three months, another friend had said it was a bad idea to go to his house knowing that I’d probably have sex with him & then I’d be in the same position I was in with Milky – just having casual sex with no idea what he’s thinking, then I’d end up alone again!

But with all that perfectly sensible advice, I didn’t listen to any of it, it was a good kiss, I ended up sitting on his lap straddling him, kissing him like we were the last people kissing on the planet. We fooled around & ended up having sex, he took me to his room then went to take the dogs outside & for some reason he never took off my singlet, so I just left it on.

Afterwards he just got up & went to the bathroom, then went to let his dogs in, so I went to the toilet too, he asked me at the door if I wanted water, I said yes & he pokes a bottle through the door. I laugh, saying I didn’t need it right that second (& dude get away from the toilet door, I don’t want him to hear me pee!) I come out of the toilet & go wash my hands, he’s standing in the lounge room holding my pants, he hands them to me so I get dressed. That was weird…?! Feeling quite stupid I think that perhaps I should’ve listened to my friends & not rushed into having sex with him, after all, this technically is only our third date!

I hang around for a short time, watching a stupid movie that I have to keep explaining to him but feel more & more awkward so I say I better leave, he says he’ll walk me out, he does, right out to the footpath, we kiss, then I stupidly turn my head & he kisses the side of my face like a weirdo, we say bye & I jump in my car thinking to myself ‘what a fucking idiot!’

#IBD4U

Another fabulous reader & also a fellow blogger has shared a few stories with me & allowed me to share some with you. This one almost made me cry (& I never cry!) – I have had a similar experience, you are all yet to read about! #WatchThisSpace!

OMG, tell me that didn’t tug at your heart string! Thanks Miss Slut for sharing.

#IBD4U

I can’t even tell you why I would deactivate my online dating account several times in one year only to reactivate it & create another account on a different site all in one week – But I did, I must be a glutton for punishment, because I’m beginning to realise that online dating doesn’t work.

I really have to feel sorry for Batman after our first date, because on Saturday afternoon, Pilot started messaging me through one of the sites. By Sunday night Pilot gave me his phone number again & against my better judgement, I text him. We text for hours, back & forth about absolute crap, but it gets a little flirty! I mentally start to sticky tape my imaginary dreams back together!

I still had a niggling feeling about Pilot so I continued to text Batman too, not sure if I am one to play the field, but I took some advice from friends, & decided to possibly date two guys at once. I’d never done it before & with all the dating disasters in my life, I feel like I need this, to boost my confidence or something. I felt so amazing, two men that I was attracted to, actually wanted me, I was pretty busy that week with another Christmas looming that I had to organise a date with Batman on Friday night & Pilot on Saturday night. WOW, would I actually be able to pull this off?

Pilot was texting me more often & getting supremely dirty, I was a little taken back by his brazen sexual innuendo in every text he sent, including sending me a picture of his cock. I couldn’t help but ask him, ‘only 10 months ago, we dated & you couldn’t even look me in the eye & never touched me, now you send me a picture of your cock’ he just said he was sick of being single & shy. Secretly I agreed with him about myself, but this was taking things a little too far & I wondered what he would act like when we finally caught up again.

By Thursday Batman bailed saying he had to work on Friday & wouldn’t be able to make it, what bothered me most was that he didn’t try to make another date with me, just said he couldn’t make Friday & hoped we could catch up another time. I don’t hear from Batman again the whole weekend & I assume he met someone else, as it’s pretty common to date more than one person at a time when on online dating, so I thought nothing of it. But its ok because I have the date with Pilot, so I am not too upset, just disappointed. I was actually looking forward to playing the field, I’ve never done that before.

By Friday night, the night before our date night, I haven’t heard from Pilot so I just text him to see what’s happening & make plans for the following night. Radio silence! I never got a reply from him, technically, to this day – another few years on, I’m still waiting.

I am just so stupid for allowing myself to believe that I would have two guys chasing me by the end of the weekend like a freaking romantic comedy, when reality is that I am alone with my cat, trying to cry – tears that will not come no matter how hard I try!

#IBD4U

I had a crush on a guy, for the first time in a very long time but what is a crush? The Urban Dictionary defines a crush as: a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special. Is it really a desire or is it just an over thinkers nightmare?

Personally I am a major over thinker, ask my friends, I think they get sick of me talking their ears off about the same scenario over & over. With every guy that dicked me around I would analyse what they said, what I did, what I could have done differently, what was my fantasy scenario if I had of done that differently… Jeez, no wonder my head is always at the point of explosion!

But what is the point of a crush? With all the idiots that I’ve dated I was at a point where I just couldn’t bring myself to make the first move & so there is no way I could approach a crush! I envy those people who would; they’d say “what have you got to lose?” I can only reply, nothing but dignity! I’m not a shy quiet person by any means but when it comes to men that I like I become super shy & act like an idiot, I feel like it really takes a while to get to know me properly, so approaching a crush would be crippling for me. I would be like Chandler Bing from Friends saying “blarh blarh, flannin!”

I play the scenario in my head, we would meet in the lift (our usual place that we bump into each other), he would smile at me, I would smile back admiring his brown unruly hair, we would chat, the conversation would get a little flirty & in the 20 seconds it takes to get to the third floor, he would ask me out for a drink, I would accept & he’d say he’d email me later in the day to confirm. Of course as soon as my computer has booted up, my email would ping alerting me that my crush had sent me the confirmation email, complete with ‘can’t wait!’ Ha! In your dreams IBD4U!

So my question is this, is it really a crush if you are never going to act on it? I mean I like this guy, we’ve interacted a tiny bit at work but we work on different floors, we’re polite as we walk in the building but stalkbooking them & knowing their schedule so you can arrive at work at the same time just so you can say hello, doesn’t necessarily make you a match made in heaven, that just makes you a stalker?

I think Urban Dictionary should change the meaning of crush to: a human who lightly stalks another human in the hopes of an insignificant interaction, that will probably go nowhere because one human in too chicken & the other human is completely unaware!

#IBD4U

After my boyfriend moved out of the house we owned together, I decided that it would be a good idea to get a roommate, help with the mortgage & also maybe make some new friends as I was in a pretty low place in my life.

I advertised in the local newspaper & two boys called, one was 18 years old & the other my age, however he never got back to me, so I asked the 18 year old to move in, by the time he was settled the other guy asked if he could move in too, both of them agreed so I ended up with two boy roommates. Big Mistake!

It was also about the time my friend dumped her fiancé & we started partying together a lot. Both going through similar things, we went out every weekend & also some week nights. We partied with my roommates too, inviting them to her birthday party at the local pub near our houses.

It didn’t take long for me to get pissed off with the boys & asked them to move out & I started looking for a rental myself to get out of the house that had so many memories of me & my ex. I planned to live in a unit & rent out my house. The youngest roommate left first & so one night when my cousin was over, the remaining roommate had a friend over, who I ended up having sex with somehow, I don’t really remember how that happened, but I know it was on the living room floor as my cousin was in my bed. I did have to tell him to get off me because I was starting to chaff & he was taking too long!

A few weeks later, out one night with my friend, the roommate & another of his friends, we come home to my house & he says he’s going to come cuddle me, just give him a minute. Not sure what he needed a minute for, but anyway he came into my room, we cuddled & he tried to have sex with me but also wasn’t very good & struggled to keep himself hard. He acted like the girl in the scenario in the morning, making his friend come over, almost to chaperone like I wanted to go back there with him or something. He moved out & I never saw him again.

Five years pass by & who should pop on online dating as a prospect? My friend popped over & I told her who he was & she swiped right & we were a mutual match. We chatted a little, I was wondering if he knew who I was, but after asking me for a blow job, he promptly deleted me, so I guess I’ll never know if he actually knew it was me, or maybe that’s why he deleted me because he realised. It’s funny how tiny Adelaide really is!

#IBD4U

Marlborough was one of the first guys I ever met up with from online. We texted & chatted on the phone for about an hour, I remember him saying ‘how easy it was to talk to me’. We met for coffee & a movie, he was quite late, but text me that he was stuck in traffic so I bought my hot chocolate so I wasn’t sitting there like a loser. He showed up (thank god) & the date went well, we were laughing easily over the selection in the candy bar. He paid for the movie which was sweet, I tried to pay for the candy bar selection but wasn’t allowed to do that either. At the end of the movie, he suggested another coffee which he paid for, during which he tried to set up another date for Thursday but I couldn’t commit as I wasn’t sure what I was doing (this was before electronic diaries!) but I said I wanted to & we would work out a time.

At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, kissing me properly goodbye, my first proper kiss in a really long time & by the time I got home, he’d texted to make sure I got home safe & to let me know he had a good night, making me swoon in the process. I actually really liked this guy & I really think he likes me, this could be it! He is really everything I am looking for.

Marlborough texted a little & we arranged “to do something” one night after work, as no plans were set in stone, when I hadn’t heard from him on the Wednesday, I texted with no response, but because we’d talked about the possibility of Thursday night, I got ready early in the morning for a date for that evening, knowing I wouldn’t have time to get home & back down the hill. I again texted on Thursday about lunch time to start to arrange this date & starting to feel a little needy but still no response. I felt like crying at 5pm when I got in my car to drive home alone, but halfway up the expressway, he calls, I can’t answer while driving, so I let it go to voice mail. I listened when I got home, He said “sorry blah blah blah, I left my phone at my mum’s on Wednesday night, she lives far away so only just got it back now blah blah blah” I text him to let me know when he is free again for this date & I never hear from him again!

To analyse this guy was quite easy, well according to my friend it was, he was obviously dating me & another girl & things with the other girl went better so he dicked me around while he worked out which one of us he liked better… Great analysis & probably very true but I’m not sure it helps me feel any better! Or is it because I didn’t commit to the second date while we were on the first one? I guess I’ll never know what happened with this one!

#IBD4U

I met ‘House Arrest‘ on a beautiful summer’s night at an outdoor type bar, I was actually feeling good about myself for a change & was practically wearing a piece of underwear as a top but had never felt better when two guys started talking to my friend & I. One was better looking that the other, but the better looking one was so over the top & continually talked about himself while the other one was quite shy. House Arrest was the latter & when he went to the toilet the obnoxious friend asked me for my phone number so he could pass it on to his friend, who had hardly spoken a word to us, I thought it was a weird set up, but reluctantly I agreed, with my friend egging me on.

House Arrest texted the next day & we arranged our first date, I had an idea in my head of where I wanted to go for our first date, I didn’t think that I would end up going for a drink back at the same bar at 5pm, he said he lived close by so it was convenient, yeah for him! If all went well, then I figured dinner would be on the cards, Nope! He had to rush home to cook dinner, I still had a quarter a glass of wine when he stood up looking at me, saying with his eyes ‘I have to go.’ I skulled my wine, thinking ‘What the hell…?’ By the time I got home, he had texted me to say he had fun… Really?

I persevered with this guy, we set up another date, to go to the movies at Marion, which is still close to where he lives, we met for the movie & I thought we’d grab dinner or a coffee afterwards, Nope! He scurried off making some excuse about why he had to be home. Yet still by the time I got home, he’d text me again & said what a great time he’d had. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, so far we’d been on two dates that lasted exactly two hours before he rushed off making an excuse & hadn’t even kissed me.

When he suggested dinner at the same bloody bar for our third date, I kept thinking ‘Dude are you ever going to suggest anywhere else?’ I tried suggesting other places, but he was keen to stay close to when he lived. That third date night, we ate dinner, then he rapidly said he had to go home, being awkward in the car park, not sure if he should kiss me or not, he opted for a kiss on the cheek. Again I got the ‘I had a great time text’ by the time I got home. I just couldn’t figure this guy out, if he really had a great time, why wouldn’t he want them to go on?

We tried to find each other at a German Festival but failed…What is it about that German festival? I never saw him again after that & he didn’t text much either, I didn’t pursue him, it wasn’t until I hashed it out with a friend that I realised we only ever had two hours dates, then he rushed off & they were all only minutes from his house… Was this guy under house arrest? I didn’t stick around to find out!

#IBD4U

After losing some weight & feeling a bit better about myself, I’m at work in a complete man free zone, all of them were married or gay, that I didn’t even think that it would be possible to meet a man in that office. But it all happened so subtly that I didn’t even know anything was happening, Crisp Shirt came over from Canberra to facilitate some training & as I was appointed the subject matter expert in the team, I had to spend the two days he was here with him in the training room.

It all really started when I realised we both had the same phone, now this doesn’t seem like the most amazing thing, but being that everyone had an iPhone, however I am a sworn BlackBerry fan, at this time I had a BlackBerry Torch (a slider Qwerty phone) which I was in love with more than life itself & since he had the same phone & completely hated iPhone & Apple. I just thought it was just a coincidence & was probably the only thing we’d have in common as he was an executive from Canberra & I was just a pleb in Adelaide. I didn’t think too much of our interaction until my friend said she “saw a little glimmer in his eye” after he came into the lunch room & we flirted a little over our BlackBerry. But I still didn’t believe that this CEO looking man could be interested in me.

After Crisp Shirt went back to Canberra I wasn’t surprised to get a ‘Thank you’ type email for all the work I’d done while he was here. I mentioned it to my friend over lunch one say & she giggled like a school girl & brought a gay colleague over & asked him “Did Crisp Shirt ever email you after he was here for your subject matter expert training?” The colleague cracked up laughing “No never!” he shouted “Why, what happened?” To which I went bright red & they read my email from Crisp Shirt. I went bright red because I’d already responded with a ‘good to meet you too’ type response, thinking he’d written one of those emails to all staff who were the Subject Matter Expert for him. OMG.

It didn’t take long for the contact to escalate to daily emails back & forth all day long & before long, I was typing out my mobile phone number via email for him, to which he instantly uses. It’s really fun for a while, I actually liked him even though he was in another state. It wasn’t until the first time it took me 40 mins (as I was driving home from work) to reply to his text, which is when he starts to unravel & show his true colours. He started texting every 2 minutes to find out where I was, why I hadn’t replied, who I was with, what was I doing. None of this made sense to me, it would probably never work between us anyway, he lived in another state why was he being so jealous?

It was about the time that too that he said he’d fly over for my 32nd birthday, I was having a few friends over for drinks & he invited himself & thought that he’d just fly over. If it wasn’t for all the crazy texts earlier in the week, I might have said yes, but was he serious about flying all the way over here to meet my close friends & a few family members when we’d never even been on a date? Where would he stay? At my place? How would I explain that to my family? I let this guy loose after that, I didn’t need a long distance relationship with a dose of paranoia.

#IBD4U

If you’re a single woman, around 30 or any age really, who likes romantic comedies then you probably have made up your own romantic comedy fantasy scene with the perfect guy & imagined it 1000 different ways, how it would go if you ever got the chance, what you would both say & of course it will always end with a happily ever after finale type kiss in the rain. Well I am no different to you! As a self-confessed over thinker I can’t help but play out every scenario in my head & relive it anytime I am bored or alone.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my perfect romantic comedy scenario would become some other woman’s real life story. Why was she so lucky to end up with my romantic comedy? What did she have that I didn’t?

See the story goes I was invited to a wedding overseas, where this single guy would also be attending, but as it got closer to RSVP date, I realised that I’d never be able to afford to go. As one of my friend’s husbands is an unscheduled ‘fly in, fly out’ worker she was worried he’d be away for the wedding & she asked if I would mind being the back up for him & since it was all paid for, she said I didn’t need to worry about the money. Of course my mind goes into overdrive, I imagine that I get the spare ticket, which then makes me plan out how this guy & I are going to get together or how our friends might try to get us together while we’re away.

It goes like this: as the only single ones there, we seem to stay out the latest at the bar, drinking & laughing, then he’d walk me back to my room but he’d kiss me in the elevator, hot & steamy, he’d say something like ‘you’re so sexy, I want you here’ I’d melt & follow him linked fingers back to his room where we’d have the best sex of my life. He’d wake me up early as the sun was coming up through the windows of sheer curtains blowing in the wind, to more mind blowing sex & he’d be the one to define what is going on between us ‘I don’t want you to be a one night stand IBD4U, but you are sharing a room with my sister’ I’d throw the sheet off in a panic, realising what I’d done, where I was & I’d fumble around for my clothes, while he leans back against the pillows, looking sexy, with the ‘just fucked hair’ look. I’d be the one to want to hide it from our friends for the duration of the trip & for the wedding. (To see where this is going & not wanting them all to make a big deal of it). He’d be the one to chase me when we got home, wanting to take me out on dates & ask me to be his girlfriend… SWOON!

WAKE UP GEOFF!!

Now I’m not sure of the ins & outs of their meeting, but when I heard that they met during the trip, my heart sank. Even though he hasn’t been my crush for a very long time, for some warped reason it reignites my feelings, only now I feel crap because he is happy with her & I’m still single! Now I am thinking what if I saved enough money to go to the wedding? What if I got the spare ticket? What if I was at my goal weight when we first met a few years earlier? But in reality, none of it matters because there was no attraction for him to me so we were never going to work out, yet there will always be a small part of me that wished like hell that he did.

#IBD4U

I don’t know why but I always reactivate my account again, not willing to give up on finding ‘the one’. I start chatting to Batman & I don’t immediately see it going anywhere, but he gives me his number & after a week of semi flirtatious & sometimes funny texts, which result in his pseudonym Batman, I have to be the one to ask when are we going to catch up, because he just seems to dance around the topic.

The afternoon of the date, we are still planning which local pub we are going to go to (including him calling some of them to find out what is happening there that night) when Batman tells me his mum & her boyfriend are going out so we could go with them. Alarm bells ring for me, does he want me to meet his mother, the first time I meet him? I said if he had plans with his mum then we could meet up another time, but he calls me & I explain that meeting him was enough for the first night, so we stuck with the original plan & we meet at a different pub to where his mum is going.

The date goes pretty well, I was surprised at some of the topics & opinions he has but I try to keep an open mind & “give him a go” as my friends always say. He told me that I have a ‘strong jaw’ (I think he meant it as a compliment, but I HATE my chin!) We didn’t seem to have much in common but when he kissed me… then it all didn’t matter! I hadn’t been kissed like that in a while & hadn’t slept with anyone since the Travel Agent FOUR years (yes FOUR years!) before that.

We were sitting quietly in the corner of the local almost empty pub with the band blaring in the background, just kissing & it reminded me of how good it felt to be with a guy – I was having a severe drought (mostly self inflicted). He reminded me how good it felt to be wanted by someone. I have always been a sucker for a good kiss.

It was so unlike me to ask a guy back to my place, I don’t think I’ve ever done that before, I’m still not really sure how it all happened. Batman said we were just going to cuddle & believe me, I wish we had of. It was possibly the worst sex of my life – up till then at least! He was quite drunk, I had a few glasses of wine too & the first time is always weird with someone new but he fumbled around with the condom, he didn’t really do any prep work with me, if you know what I mean, before started going at it. He switched positions three times before we both called it quits & went to sleep. However even though he woke me up at 6am, he didn’t seem interested or maybe he was just embarrassed to try again. I felt like a fool & assumed I’d probably never hear from him again, so I kindly offered to drive him home. He kissed me goodbye at his house & said we’d catch up again.

I had told my friends so many times that I didn’t want to ‘wake the beast’ for really shit sex & I really should have taken my own advice. I ended up being incapacitated for a week after that sex – Lucky I didn’t have any men on the go then, I was so sore!

#IBD4U

Speed Dating… What good can be said about speed dating? Honestly, the reason why I did it, was because after I became single, my sister in law said that she had a single male friend, who might be good for me, but he probably wouldn’t like a blatant set up so she’d organise a party or dinner party to see if we hit it off. Sounded good, I was new to the dating scene in my mid 20’s so that seemed like a great idea. However in the meantime, he went speed dating where he met the woman he is now married too with two kids, I think this was about seven or eight+ years ago now. But at the time, I was so keen that I was going to find my future husband!

Why would I be different? Well that’s because I am me! I feel like I do not make a good first impression, I can’t help my judgey face, I can’t help looking people up & down, this is just who I am, but it’s not meant as a rude gesture it’s just me deciding if I like someone or not. It’s in my nature, I am a woman & a Leo, what more can I say.

So my friend & I signed up thinking, if nothing else, we’d have a few laughs. But before our actual speed dating, the company emailed & said they had some spare spots for another night & would offer my friend & I a free night, so we went along, after all it’s a free drink & food & a night out, so why the hell not!

The thing about speed dating that you kind of forget, is that it’s 15 mini dates, 15 times you have to tell the same story 15 times & you have to listen to some guy say the same things back to you that you’ve heard before that night. I like long walks on the beach… blah, blah, blah! Then men would rate you a ‘no’ right in front of your face, I couldn’t believe that someone would even fill in their card before you’d even finished speaking. Now complete strangers were hurting my feelings…

Then the next day you wait by your email (email wasn’t on your phone back then!) to see if someone ticked a ‘yes’ or a ‘maybe’ & if you did too then the company would email you their details. There were two men who liked me (wow) & of course, as fate would have it, they also liked my friend too, so then it was a bit awkward. Both were dead ends, we emailed a little then nothing.

We still stupidly went back for more. The second night was no different, although this time I couldn’t be bothered being honest so I lied about what I did for work, sometimes I was a nurse, a doctor, a checkout chick & there was one guy that we ended up just paying each other out the whole time, I can’t remember who started it but he was wearing a Bananas in Pyjamas looking shirt & he said I was wearing something my nanna knitted me. Still I ticked ‘maybe’ to everyone instead of being selective, still the next day when the email pinged, there were only two matches & both didn’t write much back when we did email.

I guess the good thing about going to two speed dating events was that I can cross off, with absolute certainty, of my list of ways to meet eligible men!

#IBD4U

This is quite a personal story & probably the hardest one to write about!

I was so nervous about meeting ‘Travel Agent‘ so I enlist two friends to go to a bar with me for dinner, drinks and then we’ll meet up with Travel Agent & his friends. When he texts to say he’s coming alone, I think WTF? But I get even more nervous & drink way too much, however he doesn’t seem to notice how smashed I am, so things go reasonably well, my friends like him & we dance a bit. He asks me if I want a drink, then standing at the bar, he kisses me & I end up for the first time in ages, going home with a guy but not before I explain again that I live way down south, he was way out north but he said that was ok & he’d be happy to drop me home. Awww, so sweet!

But the next morning, he starts talking about how long the drive it is & that he wants to watch the cricket… Lying there I feel like a complete fuckwit for believing that he would actually drop me home. So I suggest he drops me at my friend’s house instead, near his house, he jumps at the chance (of course!) but I get to her house, she’s not home & he drives off. So I sit outside of her house on her windowsill like a hooker in last night’s clothes without a shower. My friend can’t take me all the way home, so because I wanted to take a car for a test drive, we go to the city & ask my dad to come pick me up. I felt so shit about myself that I bought a $30k car because some guy made me feel like a cheap bitch.

But of course when he texted to catch up again, my friends told me to “give him a go”, their most spoken phrase to me. So I did, probably because I was so desperate… not as desperate as him though it seems, he told me numerous times how much he wanted to get married & have kids ASAP. Alarm bells started ringing for me, but at the request of my friends, I kept seeing him.

We dated for about 8 weeks, I was house sitting at friends house & he came over but brought a bag but left it in the car in case I didn’t want him to stay (which I liked). I stayed at his house a few times & we went out for dinner a fair bit & now all I can remember about him is that he cut up ALL his food on his plate before he ate it, even if I gave him my left overs, he’d cut it all up before he ate any of it (Kinda like your mum did when you were a CHILD!). Now you may be like my family & say there’s nothing wrong with that, but think about it, if the conversation is that boring that you notice someone cutting up all their food up, then it’s probably time to move on.

I didn’t want to be that shallow, so I saw him again, BIG MISTAKE! The last time I ever saw the Travel Agent was the morning after the night he deceived me. Now this is a bit of a difficult story to tell & I’d love to hear what his side of the story is but as we were getting ready to have sex, he went to put on a condom, stuffing around with the packet for ages then doing the actions of putting it on, we had sex, he then did all the actions to take it off. While in the bathroom right afterwards, I realised that there had been no condom or giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe it broke?

As I was leaving in the morning, standing at my car saying goodbye, he tells me that we didn’t use a condom last night. I, of course, already knew this, but couldn’t help but wonder why he would pretend to put one on & off when it hit me, he was so desperate to have kids that I think he may have been trying to get me pregnant, maybe not but I wasn’t going to stick around to find out.

I was too embarrassed to tell anyone the real reason why I stopped seeing him, that I told people it was because he cut up all his food, so people who don’t know the real me think that I’m shallow but sometimes it’s better to be perceived as shallow than as a person so easily deceived. But now it’s out there… The real reason!

#IBD4U

I must be a glutton for punishment, because just before Easter I stupidly reactivate my online account, finding ‘Sparky’. He says he doesn’t like typing, so we exchange numbers & he arranges to call me on Thursday night. I didn’t tell anyone about the call thinking that it wouldn’t go anywhere but we talked on the phone for 2 hours, he even said he’d been so nervous to call me that he’d asked his apprentice about what to say, who suggested to just to start with ‘how are you doing?’

He invited me out on the Saturday night for dinner & a movie. I wasn’t really nervous this time, I think because I hadn’t really told anyone about him, I did tell one friend because Sparky was picking me up from my house, he wanted to ‘do it right’ so the first time I was going to see this guy face to face was at my front door.

When he picked me up at my house, I didn’t know if I should invite him in or kiss him hello, so I did the awkward ‘come in while I grab my bag’ gesture & then we left. He tried to open my car door for me, but I was already basically in his car. That’s about when I started to get nervous because he was a lot better in real life than in his profile picture.

We arrived at the cinema & I suggested that we get the movie tickets before dinner but he said he came down to the cinema earlier in the day to get the tickets because he didn’t want to miss out, I thought that was absolutely adorable, especially since you can just buy the tickets online & I surprise myself by starting to really like this guy.

I said that I’d pay for dinner since he bought the movie tickets but he said no, he had invited me out so he was going to pay for the night. I actually felt really special! He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t think I was attractive! We shared a pizza & we talked quite comfortably, I felt at ease with this guy, even in the car we’d talked easily. The only sticking point was that he said he didn’t drink at all but I had already ordered a wine, I have a feeling maybe he is a recovering alcoholic, which is ok, it was just weird the way he said he doesn’t drink.

We had some time before the movie, so we went to arcade & played a few games of air hockey, which I thought showed how fun I can be, we cheered & egged each other on, especially since I lost all but one game, which I think was a fluke or he let me win! But I was actually having a really good time. We joked the whole night, at the candy bar, I wanted a frozen coke but he wanted whatever the blue flavor was so we filled up one cup to share with both flavors, his choice was gross & even he didn’t like it, but we had a good banter about it.

I actually felt good about the date, but I stupidly couldn’t bring myself to make the first move & kiss him goodbye as I got out the car & I didn’t invite him in for a coffee (which would have been awkward, I don’t drink coffee & don’t have any to offer him!) Even as I shut my front door, I mentally kick myself & that continues all week.

When Sparky initiates a text later in the week, I was pleasantly surprised & we text a few times, then on Thursday I finally build up the courage to ask him when he is free next for another date & I get the awkward good bye text ‘I’m going away for work… Can I let you know when I’m free? blah blah blah’

Here is it 3+ years later & I’m still waiting – surely he can’t be that busy?!

#IBD4U

I met Pilot on an online dating site, I was so nervous to meet him because I hadn’t dated in a while, so I ended up going to the bottle shop during my lunch break for a bottle of wine so I could calm my nerves. On a warm Thursday night, just 2 weeks before Christmas, we meet at a pub, he’s there first so I walk up to him & there’s that awkward hello, the one when you’re not sure if you should touch, kiss on the cheek, shake hands or even worse, wave. We didn’t do any of the above and he was so shy, which made me shy (those who know me, know I am not really shy at all, but around boys I find attractive, I become a giggling school girl), so we stood there awkwardly.

Pilot barely made eye contact with me from the beginning to end of the date, he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye, which I wasn’t sure if I should be creeped out or not, needless to say at the end of the date, he didn’t kiss me goodbye, I honestly thought that was the end of him but by the time I got home, he’d texted me to say he had a good night.

We exchanged emails & started emailing back & forth, somehow we actually arranged a second date on the following Monday night for dinner. I thought surely this time we’ll at least share a kiss on the cheek when we said hello, but when I walked over to him, he barely looked up at me from his phone that I couldn’t make a move to kiss him on the cheek.

Stupidly I felt like I had met the perfect guy from my imaginary checklist: (every girl has one!)

• British (my secret childhood dream)
• well-traveled
• Educated
• Worked as a professional
• Bought a house

It all seemed perfect. On the second date, he even went to get the bill, but secretly paid for dinner before I could do the awkward ‘pay the bill’ dance. We then walked to our cars but still, he didn’t make a move to kiss me goodbye.

Still we texted & emailed every day, however it was hard to lock in the next date, with Christmas looming, so on Boxing Day when we were texting, I thought I have to take matters into my own hands so I asked if he wanted to go see a movie, when he said yes, I bought the tickets online & we were off on our third date!

Again no kiss or touch to say hello, no touching or anything throughout the movie, which made me dread the goodbye yet again, but as we were doing the weird shy goodbye, Pilot said he had bought me a Christmas present (I had told him about how my family only give one Kris Kringle present). He said he left it in the car, so we walked to his car, me feeling even more awkward because we parked miles apart & he’s bought me a gift, what the hell could it be? He awkwardly gave me a bottle of wine, (that I suspect it was re-gifted) & it was probably the time for me to initiate a kiss, but I was so thrown by mixed messages that I didn’t do it.

I really don’t know why or how we continue to text & email each other but that continued into the New Year, when Pilot sets up a date but then bails the night before, saying he was really busy, I figure he’s just doing the back off. Yet he texts me the night we arranged to catch up “to see how I am,” I must admit, it was kinda annoying to be told he was too busy to see me , then was able to text me late at night. Against my better judgement, I mentioned to him that I was going to the German festival on the weekend & he said he wanted to go but didn’t have anyone to go with, I replied ‘You should come.’ He text ‘I might, I really want that kiss.’ Maybe he did like me?

I didn’t really hear from him a few days before or much the day of the German Festival, but I was wearing the perfect outfit that a friend had spent so much time putting together for me, I felt good, confident & was excited to meet Pilot for that kiss. As my friends & I were buying our second beer, though 6 degrees of separation in Adelaide, Pilot randomly bumps into us with his stunning girl, my mouth must have been on the floor, my friend even said that I had a judgey look on my face, but he introduces her as his cousin but I’m still caught off guard at how beautiful she was. I let him know we’re grabbing another beer & he says yes but as we go into one line, Pilot goes in another & I never see him again!

My friend decides that can’t be the end, she uses my phone to text him because she’s so angry that we lost him but he doesn’t respond, I drink myself into oblivion & vomit like a teenager.

Sunday morning I text him, just to see if he got my texts because festivals are renowned for having no mobile phone reception but still no response. Maybe he lost his phone?

Finally on Monday I email him to find out what’s going on but hours later I get the goodbye email ‘I’m really busy, blah blah blah.’

No flying off into the sunset for us!

#IBD4U