Origin #10

I get up early, washing my hair, putting on a full face of makeup (so that by the time he gets here it’ll be faded like I didn’t do it for him – yes I’m a nutcase!) cleaning my house, waiting for Origin to text me to say that he wants to catch up. The morning passes by without hearing from him. I try not to read into it being he said he was out last night, maybe he is sleeping in. Maybe he decided not to cancel on his mates & go out with them anyway.

I start to think this is not a good idea, waiting around for him to text me, what have I done? Do I not remember what caused me to stop talking to him in the first place? He started backing off & not contacting me as much, he’s looking for something else, he’s looking for someone else! But stupidly I am not ready to give up on this one.

Just before 2:00 pm, I get a text saying he’s got a few things that he has to do today so he can’t catch up but offers up dinner on Wednesday night instead. I try to hide my disappointment but I agree to Wednesday dinner, thinking that a date is a better idea than him coming over to my house anyway & us ending up having sex & not sorting anything out. There is so much I want to tell him & I really want to see him too.

I guess my main concern is that I got the feeling he was really into me, I thought this was going somewhere so now how am I supposed to know what is going on? Or what he is thinking? The good part about this now, is that I wasn’t upset when he bailed today. I’m just angry, I think that’s what I need, is for this to fizzle out rather than me end it before I am ready to give up.

I text him on Monday, he responds & we have a short chat, it’s a bit weird. Late Tuesday night he asks how I am; I reply & ask the same. He says he’s sick (again – really?! Not this old chestnut…) but we have some friendly banter about how he should listen to me Dr IBD4U & he says that’s sexy, I say that I’ll change my profession tomorrow & he says Fuck Yes. Now all the while we’re talking about how sick he is, I know that this is code for I’m going to bail on you tomorrow night. Sure enough at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, I get the text saying he’s in bed not well but am he’s free this weekend. This is what I wanted, my feelings are rapidly evaporating, he’s a leopard showing his true spots. I agree to a weekend movie date but will bet $10000 that I never see this guy again!

As I suspected, I don’t hear from him about the movie date & I decided not to message him to initiate it. I expect never to hear from him again, which is now ok, I am not sad at all, I am now quite ready to let him go. Yet at 12:00 am on Saturday night/Sunday morning I get a message asking how my night was going (he knew I was going out) I say I’m having a good night, my feet hurt so that’s a good sign. He says he’s tired & going to bed. WTF? I don’t respond, why the hell did he bother texting me at all?

Sunday night about 9:00 pm he asks how I pulled up & we text for a bit; he says he’s feeling better with antibiotics but his friend’s dad died & he just found out. He changes the subject to talk about other stuff but I end up stopping the conversation. What is with this guy? It’s been over two weeks since we saw each other & he’s still keen to text me but I am still safe with my $10000 bet!

One morning when I can’t sleep, I am going through my phone when I decide to re-read every text we ever sent each other. As I start I think ‘this isn’t going to end well for me’ but as I read I see why I liked him & it wasn’t all in my head that he liked me. But I read a very interesting text that I either glossed over when he said it or I just didn’t take it in.

We were talking about meeting people from online & what the worst parts are (now you know I have A LOT of stories so it’s probably why I didn’t really get his response) I was too busy telling him about some of the douches I have met when he said that he hasn’t met anyone from online yet. So, I was the first person he met online? I was the first person he met since his ex-girlfriend of 5 years! What if I reacted to that rather than being too busy telling him some of my fucking stupid stories, would things be different? Would I have freaked out knowing he had only met me & probably needed to spread his wild oats after his relationship? Maybe not, maybe I would’ve kept my guard up a bit. Perhaps I could’ve got a little distance – kept seeing other people myself but taken it slow & seen where it went with him? Or would I still have gotten attached to him regardless but I would’ve been in deeper therefore I would’ve ended up more hurt?

Anyway I feel like it’s still not the end with this guy & I don’t know why we don’t cut ties with each other, he is looking for someone else. (A trophy wife – his texts also revealed that he liked his girl to get dressed up when she met his friends – Don’t know how I glossed over that too! Plus, with the chick he was stalking online, she was that type of girl) but I mean his profile when we met did say ‘a girl who looks after herself.’

He is looking for a trophy wife (which is ironic that his ex wasn’t a trophy wife – maybe that’s why they broke up?!) & I’m looking for what? I am looking for someone like him, someone naturally funny with one-liners, someone who compliments me on the way I look – who genuinely thinks that and someone who wants to see me. But most of all I want someone to love me.

I’m actually now really scared that that fear is making me desperate when a guy shows me a bit of affection!

#IBD4U