Who’s next… Well… Who? No one! That’s who? Oh god, I’m going to be alone forever! I mean, I have been at this point before, where I have deleted all my online accounts, wallowing in my own self pity & not dated anyone, nor talked to boys online. But this time it’s different – yeah right! I know this is all fresh & so I can’t see my future, but I really am serious when I say that I can’t see a future with a man in it. I am unable to cry about it ending with Origin. I am a stone. my heart is closing over (if it was ever open) & I am building up those walls. (I mean, if they were ever down!)
There was this woman at my previous job who never wanted kids (like me) & so she says that’s why she never married but she travelled & retired quite happily then travelled some more. I say to my friends who know her that I am going to be her, the childless lady who travels. What is so wrong with that? There are worse things to be, I guess. Like being that someone in an unhappy relationship that won’t/can’t leave. Or someone bitter because they never had kids but wanted them? Someone who had kids & then stuck with the man because of the kids – miserable but thinking it’s the best things for the kids… There are much worse things I guess.
Before this blog, I really thought there was someone out there for everyone, I did believe in ‘The One’. That there is only one perfect person for each person & when you find that one you are mates for life. Now I’m beginning to realise that there isn’t such a thing as ‘The One’ – I mean one person on the planet of 7 billion people & there is just one perfect person for you, who also just happens to also live in Adelaide? I mean what!? That’s just ludicrous… Why do we believe this “ONE” bullshit…
I now believe in fate – that everyone we meet is a blessing & a lesson. The we have multiple soul mates… They are part of our destiny. Everything is a matter of timing. Timing is everything. If the timing isn’t right but the person is then it’s never going to work. I think that timing is the most important part of dating. & I believe that there may be more than one perfect person for you & the timing was right for you both. So you may be lucky enough to have multiple epic love stories, but that doesn’t mean that the first or your second or even your third love story wasn’t “the one”, it was just “the one” for that period of your life.
But how to I recover from this set back, how do I move on & trust another guy yet again after all these stories? The next guy is going to have to work so hard to win me over & make me believe that they are interested in me, I don’t think I can trust that again. Therefore judging from my past experiences, I don’t think there is such a guy to who will ever like me enough to really make that effort. Maybe I am too hard work? & even if they do make such an effort, how am I going to believe that it is actually real? I mean look at what happened with Origin. What about Milky? Even Cruise put in a great deal of effort yet I’m still alone & no closer to believing that there is someone out there for me.
One of my friends says that I have to keep trying because look how much closer I am getting each time with each man, I mean since Boyfriend, Milky is the longest thing I’ve been involved in. Plus with Origin, I put myself out there with things I said, things I did, just to let him know I was interested & he reciprocated those actions & words, so my point is how do I believe these words again? But a friend says that I need to keep going because the next one will fight for me. I am not quite so optimistic, but I do hope that someday the timing is right with someone that we just fit.