Tag: Beach

Boyfriend #3

Boyfriend & I had been “seeing” each other for a few weeks, messaging & seeing each other, not really knowing where we’re at or what we’re doing, but he asked me to his house to cook me dinner. No guy had ever cooked me dinner. I remember the store manager of our store laughing his head off when he asked what he made for me – toasties. Boyfriend only had one dish he ever made, which was a satay chicken noodles, I don’t remember him cooking anything other than that or a BBQ in the whole time we were together.

At a new years eve party the same friend that snatched my phone to text him on my behalf asks me what were doing, implying are e boyfriend/girlfriend. I say I don’t know we haven’t had the talk. So she decides to ask him. Rightio! He says I’m his girlfriend & when she tells me, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. However weirdly he & I never talk about it. We’re just a couple from then on.

That’s also the first night he stays at my house. I remember it because he’s the first guy to ever stay over at my house, in my bed. But I get up really early to sneak him out being I haven’t asked my parents or even told them – my parents are pretty cool but not sure about having boys over. But my dad is a early riser & is up playing the computer, fuck! I have to introduce him to dad at 5:00 am. I remember dads first words to him were “your mother will be angry she didn’t get to meet him” righto dad! Hahaha.

Shortly into the new year, boyfriend tells me that he’s moving house as he’s been kicked out of his unit & he’s moving in with friends to save money. Ok so a share house isn’t too bad. But when I ask who, it takes him ages to tell me that it’s his ex girlfriend. Right so my new boyfriend is moving in with his ex, who I’m pretty sure is still in love with him. I’m not happy but what can I do? I mean we’ve only been together officially for a short time & I certainly don’t want to live with him so I don’t say much.

It’s all pretty uneventful from what I remember, I realise that his ex girlfriend does still love him, even though she has a boyfriend. & his sister who I thought liked me seems to hate me. I pester him to buy a new bedroom suite, as we’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. But it’s a pretty normal, boring relationship. (if I was writing at the time, I may have loads of blog posts but it was over 12 years ago now.)

Around my birthday my uncle was planning his wedding in Vietnam, of course I jump at the chance to go to Vietnam & ask Boyfriend to come too. I find it super cute when he goes out & buys the same RipCurl bag that I have so we’re matching, without me knowing. We fly out on my birthday, Boyfriend says that he’s planned something for when I get back but for now the trip is my present (The trip I paid for myself & he paid for himself?! Yeah ok) I never get a present from him that year & the next year we’ve bought our house & he buys me slippers & a fruit bowl… Men wonder why women change when they settled down, he was making me an old lady. Who buys a 25 year old slippers & a fruit bowl? Hahaha.

Anyway when we were in Vietnam, right after we have afternoon sex, I tell him that I think I love him & he says “yeah I think maybe I do too.” I get up & cry in the bathroom thinking I’m an idiot for saying it & that I’m unlovable.

We get back from Vietnam, something happens, we snap & almost break up, probably due to the L word infesting the relationship. I remember meeting him at a lookout park during the day & he leaves me there when he says we’re over. I cry & message him to go to his house, which I do & we work through it. Weirdly, that’s also the first day I meet his parents. (they live out in the country, not in Adelaide)

Next Christmas & new years come, he’s still living with the ex, though cracks are starting to show. Before the lease is up, she moves out seemly because she’s not going to win him back like she thought she might. I don’t know why. But she takes the fridge & washing machine, which we’re hers so I use the money I was saving for my working holiday to Canada to buy a fridge & a washing machine for us at his place. Yet I never officially move in with him.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Rug

Another guest blogger has decided to share some stories with me too. I love that you are all not leaving me out here on my own! Thank you for that.

I like to post the ones that aren’t similar to any of my stories & this is definitely one of those!

-So Enjoy!

Rug

A few years ago I met this guy online, not on tinder, some other site I can’t remember. I’d consciously decided to try dating guys outside of my usual type… cos that hadn’t really been working out for me so well (hot, unemployed and practically homeless). So this guy had a job (tick), a house (tick) and was funny (tick), he was also pretty short and a bit squishy. We had good banter so we went on a few dates which went well.

At about date 4, I think, he invites me and my dog over for dinner. He can cook (tick) and he also has a dog (tick). Anyway, his dog is one of those rampant humpers and he went absolutely bananas over my dog, it was hilarious. My dog is a clueless asexual galloot and is just running around like a loon with his hornbag dog in hot pursuit.

My belly was sore from laughing (not just at the dogs) so we, the humans, retired inside with a glass of wine on the couch and he makes a really cheesy manoeuvre for a first kiss (think yawn and stretch), it’s nice and we progress to his bedroom. He is a bit of a watcher so he starts playing with himself while I get naked and we’re fooling around and it’s fun. We start the old P in V action and then he screams, really screams, in agony, I try to work out what’s wrong and he advises he’s got a detached or travelling ball which has decided to jump up into his body cavity not in the cosy scrotum where it should be, he insists on continuing and doesn’t withdraw but continues grimacing. Bit of a masochist maybe.

Anyway, I clamber off after bit and just play with his cock until his ball resumes a better location. We start again and I’m grabbing his arse to pull him in hard and then in the moment I grabbed his hair gently to push his head up. He freaks out and grabs his head and runs to the bathroom. I’m completely confused and it turns out I had dislodged his toupee/hair piece thing that I didn’t know wasn’t real hair. (I don’t need my eyes checked, it was really good, completely real looking).

Rug

He’s totally soft at this point and embarrassed and returns with a beanie on his head and turns the lamp off. I ask him about the hair trying to reassure him that being bald is fine and he tells me he had an accident when he was younger and he got partially scalped and there’s some ugly scarring. I figure that’s fair enough but my bullshit detector is ringing a bit, but who knows! He’s feeling pretty vulnerable so we end up getting back into it and he finishes with the beanie in place and my hands firmly pinned to the bed.

Funniest, weirdest most awkward interlude I’d had for a while…
I think we had one more date, I spent half of it looking at his hair when he wasn’t looking. The hair wasn’t the killer for me though he had some other quirks I wasn’t too keen on, so that was that!

WOW, I don’t think I’ll be able to not look at guys hair now & wonder!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll

Another story for you from my guest blogger friend, I can’t say this has ever happened to me.

Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll

(aka Woodwork Booty Call Weekend)


Ok.
So the title doesn’t sound great hey? It’s actually one my regrets in my single life… It isn’t indicative of who I am as a person.
On one hand, the guys would say “Fuck Yeah” and from a female point of view, typical bloke.
Just to be clear, no drugs, not much rock n roll, shit load of sex.
So this is in between “The One” and “the Animal” for those keeping up. And yes I’m going backwards…
So after “The one” had crushed my heart, I was in need of a weekend to forget about it for a bit, all my friends had other plans on my kids free weekend, so, stuff it… I’m a confident guy that can just do this shit himself, let’s get smashed and see what I can pick up (cause you know, random sex makes you feel better!)
So, it’s Friday afternoon, thinking of just hitting City, the Union possibly, maybe Hindley st, who knows, who cares!
Random messenger text… Now I know this happens to the girls a fair bit, generally not blokes… Message from BC2 (booty call 2)
Have not heard from BC2 for 6 months… last I heard she meet a guy not long after me….
“Hey! How are you? Thought of you the other day, and how long it’s been since we caught up. How’s things? Are you seeing anyone?”
So the explanation comes if not a great experience recently and that this weekend is all about me…
“Oh no…you need some cheering up, how about we do coffees tomorrow morning after gym?”
Yeah fuck it, why not, she’s fit, super hot, and well… the sex was great, and she’s a nice girl. Play my cards right…
“Done”
About a hour later….
“Hey!”
BC3… 9 months since I’ve seen her…
“Saturday catch up? Been ages”
“Yep, how does lunch sound?”
“Awesome see you then!”
Ok, BC3… running chick, own business, funny, attractive… fuck… might get two in a day…
In very quick succession (because I’ll condense all this!)
BC4
BC5
BC6
Sex Drugs & rock n roll

Similar messages, same reaction… stuff it, why not? The common theme here? All from 6 months to 12 months since we had been on a date… and sad to say, hadn’t worked out, yet after two three dates had slept with all of them. So you just never know, could come to something… yet ladies and gentleman, my mind was just on sex. Nothing else. And where was theirs? Well… you guessed it.
You may be asking where’s BC1? That’s coming!! (or did… anyway!)
So with a heap of dates set(?), the last three set for Saturday night, and Sunday Brunch and a Sunday afternoon drink… away we go. 5:00 pm hits, and into town I head…
Waymouth St. Beer and Vodka. Normal crowd building by 9:00 pm, chatting to some random people, couple I know, a few really pissed guys in suits… that’s keeping me entertained for sure.
9.30 pm… order a Vodka lime and soda…
A tall, blonde lady catches the eye… I know that girl?
Walks in with a guy… shit, that sucks.
Alcohol fuzziness eludes me of the name…
Uh huh! Got it! BC1…
Shit! Been 18 months at least… must be kid free… fuck it… have to say Hi, that one night… hot.
Wander over as she is standing at bar…
“Hey there Miss, can I buy you a drink? Grenache perhaps?”
OMG… get the biggest “Hey” I’ve ever had.. Awesome! In!
Pleasantries completed, drinks ordered, life story of last 18 months talked over…
Guy she was with kept trying to butt in, eventually introduced as a guy she meet down the road… yeah whatever.
Conversation continues, more drinks added.
“Cmon, come to the dance floor”
“What about the guy?”
“Oh my dear, you’re hotter, so shit your arse out there “
Uh huh! Bingo! Dressing well works! (By the way… he was in some weird cotton t-shirt that didn’t look like it had been washed at all, shit denim jeans and some really bad flip flop things… Chinos and shirt all the way!)
Ok… dancing… gets closer… then kissing… then hands moving freely…
More drinks
More dancing (by this time the guy had worked it out, and left)
BC1 “I’m ready to go home, no more for me”
“Ok, I’ll come out and wait for the taxi with you”
“Naaw, sweet”
Stumble out, bundle lovely lady into a taxi… not gracefully mind you, and considering she had a one piece black, shirt dress on and heels, didn’t leave a great deal to imagination when she couldn’t get in!
“Shit!, my knickers are showing!” yeah, not shit! Anyway…
In she gets… lean in to kiss good bye (thinking stuff it, I may as well just jump in)
“Are you coming or not?” (Not yet I’m not LOL!)
“Yep”
The usual back of taxi antics, and yes, he would have been privy to a almost poem style show… wait for it…
Arrive at her address…
Me… ”Nice house!”
“Just moved here… it needs christening!”
Happy friggin days!
Now, this whole time, I had actually had flashbacks to the “One”, however not now… I’m about to fuck a super hot blonde…
Taxi takes off…
“I left my knickers in the taxi!!!!!” She cries
Doh… ah well….
In we go….
Clothes of in the hallway, you can guess the rest… thank god she had the condom supplies… needed 3.
(Please remember this is all pretty condensed)
Sleep time… spooning… all that nice stuff we all miss.

5:00 am…. beep beep beep
Alarm…. are fucking serious? 5:00 am!!!!!!!
“WTF is the alarm going off for????”
BC1 “Oh, it’s gym time”
WTF? I love my gym, seriously? 5:00 am on a Saturday? Guess to have the hot bod, got to the work! (Don’t I know it!)
“You can sleep though, in fact don’t think I’ll go”
Fall back to sleep… all good right? Might get some morning action?
Wake at 8:00 am… hungover, shagged out, tired.
Roll over… WTF. She’s not there… maybe she’s up already. Walk out to kitchen. Nope. Toilet. Nope.
Note on Kettle.
‘Make yourself a coffee, use the pods, I’ve gone to gym. Just pull front door closed when you leave, I won’t be back until this afternoon. Great to see you again. May run into again sometime. Had a great night as always spunky man. xxxxx’
What???? She has left me here by myself! WOW! Ok.
Coffee done. Felt really weird cause it wasn’t my house… anyway, washed up, got dressed and walked outside.
Pretty sure I was still pissed, and needed a way to get home, yet didn’t want to spend a fortune on a taxi or Uber.
Shit. I’ll call my mate and see if he will come and get me…
“Hey mate, Where is this suburb in relevance to the city? And can come and get me so I can get my car?”
“Sweet Jesus dickhead, that’s like halfway across the state!”
Google maps…. holy shit! Don’t remember the taxi ride being that long!
“See you in 45, you can tell me the rest when I get there”
Cheers mate! Love your work…
Mate arrives… story told… as is the rest of the weekend planned…
His reply “I bet you won’t fuck all of them, and if you do I will laugh”
Challenge accepted….
His last piece of advice… which is very true…
“You know if you do this though, it won’t bring her back to you, and it won’t help with the hurt, you need to process it before you start doing anything else… you will regret this in the end”
Yeah whatever, I’m not listening, not interested… I’m hungover, need a shower, and need to get my arse to the eastern suburbs for my coffee catch up…
Those words from my best mate… still hear them, and he was right. Didn’t make it better… yet I wasn’t in mindset to listen…
On we go to coffee catch up with BC2… and possibility of more sex…
Very interesting advice from his friend! Definitely agree.
Also who leaves a guy in their house that they don’t know to go to the gym?
#IBD4U

Why Are You Single?

One thing I get a lot, not necessarily from single men, but from all my friends, colleagues is ‘Why are you single?’ & then they proceed to list your qualities on their fingers, usually no more than five but at least three things that they like about you, that they think men are looking for in you & while you agree with the qualities they’ll list, you know that generally these aren’t the reasons why you are single.

So why am I single? I own my own home & have done for more than a decade, I hold steady job where I am quite successful & passionate, I am very well-traveled including having lived overseas in my mid-twenties, I am smart, I am funny & love to laugh, I don’t think I’m hideous to look at (though you may never know the answer to that!), I have a wide variety of interests – now including sport & recreation activities or music/comedy gigs, I don’t have kids & never been married so have no baggage & I love to go out but also love to stay in.

So what is it about me that people love to chat to me online & will say how perfect I am & how much they can’t wait to meet me, then when we meet, there is something that changes for them. They either say ‘do you want to catch up again’ I say yes but may never see them again. Or they leave after one hour & say there was no chemistry for them.

Why are you single

I honestly don’t know what it is & the more good dates I go on with a bad ending the more jaded I get & the harder it is for me to let someone in. I think that’s what scares me the most, is that now I am too damaged, to be a girlfriend. I mean I say I don’t have baggage because I don’t have an ex hanging around or kids but I might have even worse baggage that those ladies (at least their baggage is out in the open, mine is hidden so that I don’t even see it & am only really coming to terms with it).

So I’m trying a new thing, dating a guy from online that I may not think is that good looking or that I am that into. By trying other things as well, when a friend suggests to set me up, I am going to go. If nothing else happens with these men that I’m not attracted to, I’m sure there will be a blog post out of it.

So that’s what I’m trying to move forward doing, being more open! It seems good in theory but I’m not sure that it’s going to be good in practice, because usually what will happen for me (I’m sure you’ve all experienced this) is that a guy you’ve gone on a date with that you aren’t really that attracted to, is the one that finds you amazing, your friends will say give him a go, so you’ll go on a few boring dates, he’ll get attached, perhaps a little needy & turn you off. Then once you end things with him your friends will say “you’re so picky.” Well I don’t want to settle with someone & if there are alarm bells in the first few weeks, I don’t think those alarm bells go away just because you give the guy a go.

So perhaps my friends are right, I am too picky but I’m like Carrie Bradshaw, I’m looking for inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.

#IBD4U

Follow Me Everywhere!

My blog is becoming a bit of a hit. hahaha…

I’m so thankful to everyone for reading & getting involved…

The easiest way to follow my new content is by liking my facebook page.

For new readers, Welcome! Scroll to the bottom & work your way up. Otherwise it might not make a lot of sense!

So come find me on the other social media platforms – I’m on Facebook (extra content with status updates daily), Instagram or WordPress (which is via your email).

Also contact me for longer queries at Ivebeendatingforyou@outlook.com.au

Thank you once again for reading, sharing, liking & sending me messages. I love it!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Sex On The Beach

Another one from my guest blogger & fellow blogger. Anyone remember MIA Undies? Kinda seems like I’m not 100% alone, except maybe for the loosing my undies part. Hahaha.

https://thatsmisssluttoyou.tumblr.com/post/156481092063/sex-on-the-beach

Sand paper condom! Oh god, that brings back memories.

The link to her new FB page to follow her is  – https://m.facebook.com/The-Secret-Diary-of-a-She-Wolf-421003095109070/?ref=bookmarks

Thanks again for sharing. This is exactly why I started blogging. So I know I am not alone!

#IBD4U

Boyfriend #2

I haven’t ever really talked a lot about my one & only real relationship that I’ve had with Boyfriend. So I’ll give you a little insight to what our relationship was (over a few blog posts – spoiler alert – no cliff hangers on these ones, because you already know we broke up!) & there are some things about our relationship that may help you understand why I maybe like I am, or maybe it’ll just confuse you more.

Boyfriend & I met at work, which was a supermarket, I was probably around 21 at the time, him a couple of years older. He was the new night fill manager & I had worked at the store for a few years & was recently promoted to the assistant deli manager. When he started, he had a girlfriend but I thought he was cute. Our paths always crossed on nights out with work people – which was quite often being in our early 20’s, plus we went to Big Day Out (the festival that is no longer) & always chatted at work.

After he broke up with his girlfriend, we were both given the opportunity to do a in-house retail management course, which meant that we studied together once a week with other employees from the company. I hoped to sit next to him because I knew him but still didn’t think there was anything there.

We swapped numbers to so we could contact each other about the course, I remember being in Sydney with my sister when he first start talking to me via text asking me a really dumb question (which I find out later was just a way to start the conversation with me). We text a bit – this was also when texting wasn’t unlimited so we didn’t just text all day, however it was a lot, especially at 30 cents a pop!

I remember feeling like a teenager when I was out one evening with friends, I think at the Christmas carols in the park when he was messaging me. This was before people were always looking at their phones & had them on silent, so it kept beeping, my friend snatched my phone off me & started replying for me. How mortifying!

Around this time too, I realised when I was on late nights, every time he would come to the deli to get his hot dinner & I surprised myself by always giving him a cheaper price on all the left over crap that was in the hot food counter.

I went to Fiji with a friend & met Swiss, then when I came back, all the work people went out one weekend & I remember being really drunk & telling him how I didn’t want a boyfriend & I was happy being a single 22 year old. We end up back at his house, I’m not sure how or why I went to his place at Magill, miles away from where I live with my parents. Nothing happened, we both just feel asleep on separate couches.

The following weekend, I’m at a family event. I am tipsy & am thinking of him. I send him a text “I’ve got the hiccups” next minute I have texted him the address of my uncles & he comes to pick me up. My aunty decides that she’s going to go talk to him in the driveway, again I am mortified, this guy is going to be scared off by my family! We go to his place, then to a bar for some drinks (like I need any) then back to his house. This is where he kisses me. I have sex with him on the first official date (just him & I), but I figure that we’ve been friends for ages & basically been on heaps of dates, have been messaging back & forth. I realise that I really like him & I hope that I’m not just a root for him.

Later I asked Boyfriend when he started to like me, because I wanted to know who liked who first. He said he started to like me after Big Day Out (we all went as a group) but I didn’t start thinking about him until we were doing that course together in the middle of the year. I guess it is feasible that a guy would like me before I liked him!

#IBD4U

Woody

Reactivating my account, I get more likes than I ever have before, I chat to an electrician guy who asks if I’m free to catch up. He looks alright on his profile & we’ve chatted a fair bit so I think why not, what could it hurt. If worse comes to worse, then it’s just a good story for my blog!

He suggests the worst local pub near my house to catch up & I immediately say no & suggest one that has just been done up, so we decide to meet there. I walk in & don’t see him straight away so I go to the bar to get a wine so I turn around he’s at the other end of the bar so I walk up to him & say hello. He’s pretty much like his pictures but in real life he reminds me so much of Cruise & I am kinda not really attracted to him.

The drink goes well, I talk a lot which is what I do when they are quiet & I make him laugh a lot but he doesn’t really make me laugh at all. It’s easy for me when I don’t find them that attractive to be the person I am, not the shy person that guys I like see which is probably why the men I don’t like get to see the real me & actually want to see me again.

We have a couple of drinks but it’s so windy & cold that we decide to go, he walks me halfway to my car & asks if I want to catch up again, which I say yes, then he says he’ll hug me goodbye & I kinda do an awkward kiss on the cheek at the same time, not really thinking & so we kinda leave awkwardly as I didn’t actually kiss his cheek. SUPER!

I get home & minutes later there is a message on the app from him saying hey cutie, thanks for tonight, here is my number, hope we can catch up again. Why when things go ok with a guy, do I start thinking about Milky? We weren’t ever a coupe for fuck sake, he didn’t like me, he was short & lied about his age, why would I want to be with that? But I also thought about the Seacliff guy, I was actually really interested in him.

Woody

So I don’t want to lead on this guy by messaging him but I also don’t want to give up on something that could be good just because I like someone else who doesn’t like me at all. But I message him & a few weeks later after about 10 texts in total we arrange another date, coffee on a Saturday afternoon & possibly a walk.

We catch up for a coffee, he arrives & buys the coffees – Well hot choc for me as I don’t like coffee, we chat for a bit, it’s a little awkward & hasn’t gotten any better to be honest, there are a few silences which make me uncomfortable, when he finally says that the sun is in his eyes, we get up less than an hour later to go. We have an awkward goodbye & he says we should catch up again, I say the usual yeah, but don’t really mean it. I think he gets it too because I haven’t heard from him.

#IBD4U

Seacliff

Have I not learnt from reactivating my closed accounts on stupid online dating sties? Well clearly not because I reactivate an account & meet someone that I think is really cute, we chat & we end up chatting for ages. We talk about quite a lot, never getting dirty, which at this point in my dating life is refreshing. He tells me straight away that he had kids, that he has for a week on & week off, tomorrow night would be his last kid free night for the week.

We talk some more, even though I am dying to go to sleep & he says that he can tell I’m not crazy & even though it’s really soon, he wants to meet me tomorrow night for a drink. I agree that it’s fast but I end up saying yes because it’s better to meet them quickly than to have it go on for weeks & then get semi attached & them meet & find out they are a tool.

So we arrange to meet the next night for a drink at a bar. Why are these the days that I get stuck in the office doing really important work until 6:00 pm, when I said I would be there at 7:00 pm, I look like crap so have to go home & change, fix my make up & get back to the pub! But somehow I made it but was a few minutes late. He did message me a few minutes to 7:00 pm & said he was at the bar, I messaged back & said I was just a few minutes away.

The conversation flows pretty easily about all sorts of topics, dating stories (I share some of mine – we’d be there all day if I shared everything!) & he tells me a lot about his exes & kids, which kinda sets my mind at ease. (As the only reason I don’t like to date men with kids is because I don’t want to have to deal with the crazy exs.) We have a couple of drinks & the place clears out so we decide to leave.

I really hate this part, after a date like this, where is wasn’t amazing (like everyone else’s dates I hear about. ‘Oh we talked for hours & we have been inseparable since’ –Oh give me a break!) Anyway the date went well, nothing over the top but you can’t really work out if he likes you, you think he looks nice & has been quite funny, yet who knows what he thinks. So you walk out the car park, I point to my car, knowing that last drink I went out for where the guy (Wine-o) just said bye & walked off, so I was getting a similar vibe from this guy, so I say it was nice to meet you, while getting my keys out my purse & he launches at me kissing me, I start kissing him back instantly. Oh how nice it is to be kissed, I haven’t been kissed since Milky, even though I’ve been on a dates, so I just lean into it, really enjoying that type of kiss where you know isn’t going to lead directly to sex.

We kiss in the car park for about 5 minutes before he pushes me up against my car, we start running our hands over each other when he says “Am I the only one that’s thinking it?” I ask what? He says “that I want to start ripping clothes off” I giggle saying not here, then kiss him but add, “yeah I’m thinking it too.” He laughs & says that “you could of led with that” but I say I thought it was pretty obvious. We continue kissing before a couple of cars come into the carpark so he says we should stop but will talk to me soon, we say good bye & go our separate ways.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days, I assume because he’s got his kids. I know he’s got Friday off so my friend says I should message him first, maybe he doesn’t think I’m interested because of the ripping off clothes incident that will forever be burnt in my memory of the wrong thing to say… So I message him hoping he has a good day off & fun with the kids, thanks for meeting me the other night I had fun, I get a response a full work day later saying he had fun with the kids & that he’s getting sick, I say I hope he feels better soon & that’s been it. I know he’s got the kids till next week so I just leave the ball I his court!

Seacliff

He deletes me from the app a few weeks later. No love lost but it’s always baffling to think that he wanted to rip my clothes off one night, yet he deletes me a few weeks later, after barely talking to me. I’m sure that’s not about me. Of course people will say that he was dating multiple people, which is fine, I get that, I’m not that naive, I am dating a few people too but I can’t believe that EVERY single guy is choosing someone else over me EVERY time, especially when he says when we’re chatting that he’s never gotten along with someone so well!

#IBD4U

Whats App

I met a guy online that was from Adelaide but living in Melbourne & just here for Christmas holidays. We chat online for a bit before we exchange numbers & start using the Whats App app. He asked to catch up but I said that I might be going to this nightclub reunion thing, he said he wanted to go to that too, it wasn’t till about 8:00pm that night, that my friend & I decided to actually go.

We got into the city about 10:00pm, the club is packed, it’s so hot & it’s so hard to move anywhere, even on the sidelines, not just the dance floor. The whole time Whats App is messaging me, saying that he is coming too, but of course I’m not one to spend the whole night staring at my phone, we’re on the dance floor boogieing away. When I do check my phone, he lets me know that he is there & on the dance floor. I reply where we are, but pretty much every time I do, my friend & I move. I don’t do this on purpose & my friend knows that I am meeting him here, but he also keeps moving rooms as well.

Whats app2

Eventually, I say that I am going to the toilets, my friend waits outside & when I come out she is talking to him. (She told me later that she just asked him if he was looking for me) He hugs me hello, he isn’t really like his pictures, he’s cute but I’m not really attracted to him. We talk for a few minutes & suggest going to the dance floor, but he never comes. We lose him in the crowd or he just doesn’t want to come, I don’t know but it’s the last I see him. He does text me a few times & later lets me know that he’s left the club.

I’m not really sure what it is about me, it was clear that we were just going to hook up (from our original interaction & chats) being he lived interstate, but then they meet me & don’t want too? It’s shortly after this that my casual encounters stop for a little while, I don’t know why it’s so hard to get a guy into bed, I mean I would have thought that a chick telling a guy all she wants from you is sex, you’d be jumping at the chance to do it.

#IBD4U

Maloo #2

Guess who comes back on the scene talking about how gorgeous I am & how wonderful I am that any guy would be lucky to have me & these guys are idiots for not seeing that. It’s just what I need to boost my self-esteem, he seems to have a six sense for this, he came back on the scene after Pilot & I’ve hardly heard from him since, but he just seems to know when things are shit with me.

However, there’s always a flaw. Maloo now has a live in girlfriend, they bought a house together, I remind him of that every chance I get because I do not want to be this person. I am not the type of woman who wants be with a cheater & I do not want to be the other woman.

Maloo #2

One of my friends gets really angry when I tell her that Maloo has contacted me, she says I need to cut ties with him. He says he wants to catch up & I’m the only friend he wants to keep in his life blah blah blah but I can’t help but be angry at the fact that he has a girlfriend! They have bought a house with together, yet he tells me that “some people do things to get ahead” which honestly just makes me angrier than before. I owned a house with Boyfriend & he basically left me for someone else, which I’m pretty sure Maloo knows that story so it’s almost unbelievable that he would say that stuff to me & think I would be impressed by it.

He also tells me how they don’t ever have sex, as if I want to hear that!? or is it supposed to make me feel sorry for him & have sex with him!? I don’t know. I stop replying to his messages, which is what I’ve done in the past & he disappears. I can’t help but just be relieved, but I’m pretty sure that it won’t be the last of him. When he’ll pop up, I don’t know, but I’m certain he will, I am still kinda friends with him, afterall. I just don’t want to be sexy friends with him. I can’t stop thinking about his girlfriend, regardless of their arrangement, I can’t ever see myself doing anything with him.

#IBD4U

MIA Undies

Many years ago in my 20’s, even way before Boyfriend, I used to go out drinking every weekend with friends & I think this particular incident happened at one of my birthday outings, or at least is was someone’s birthday. This was also the night that I lost my brand new phone, it was a Nokia 5110! (Fuck I’m old!). I was always the most drunk out of everyone, not something to proud of but it’s what I used to do. Not that much has changed but I am a lot less ridiculous!

Drunk on the dance floor used to be the place I would pick up most, bumping & grinding with the dude that wrapped his arms around your waist, some of the time it would end there, but this night, at a nightclub by the beach he asked me to go for a walk. We left the club & went to the beach. I don’t really remember it that well but from what I remember, we didn’t really go to a less populated area before we sat & then ended up having sex on the beach. Once we were done, I kinda of remember thinking ‘What the fuck (WTF wasn’t invented then!) am I doing?’ I jumped up still fully clothed but missing my undies, I look around for them, I can’t find them. I ask him where they are, he can’t find them either.

I go back to the club & find my friends, I think leaving sex boy because I don’t remember ever talking to him again. But I enlist a guy friend that we’re with to come outside & help me find my undies. This is also before torches on your phone so we’re just looking, maybe not even in the right spot, for my missing undies. We can’t find them so I end up going home undie less, yet while we’re out there looking for them I make my guy friend who was helping me take off his shirt & give it to me because I’m cold. He’s got a singlet underneath so I apparently think it’s ok to take someone’s shirt, which I never gave back. It hung on the back of my door for years, till I think I gave it to Boyfriend.

MIA Undies

So how would I rate sex on the beach, well sand is just dirt, cold, damp dirt that sticks to everything, gets in crevasses that it shouldn’t, chafes you in places that should only be treated nicely. I imagine that it would be like for him wearing a condom made out of sandpaper. Perhaps people have had better experiences than me but I’ve never tried it again, maybe one day I’ll venture outdoors again.

I’ll never know what happened to that brand new purple Bonds g string but I have a sneaking suspicion that the boy I had sex with took them, put them in his pocket when he took them off to keep them as a souvenir, where else could they have gone?

#IBD4U

Checklist

Most women have one, I’m sure of it, a checklist of what their dream guy would have, not necessarily in looks, unless they have a specific type, but all their other attributes. I’ve talked about it a few times, mine is long, but I never ever expect anyone to have all of it, this is just my dream list:

  • Makes me laugh
  • Likes music, live events & going out
  • Honest
  • I find them attractive
  • Chemistry
  • Well-travelled
  • Own a house/unit/apartment
  • Educated
  • Working full time
  • Drives a Holden or decent car at least
  • No kids, doesn’t want kids or has kids of his own already.
  • Single
  • Family orientated
  • Good in bed
  • Love an accent!

But let’s face it, no guy is ever going to have all that & if they do, they are usually with one of my friends! (Hahahha… eh)

Checklist

None of this actually matters with someone you actually like, for example Milky hadn’t been overseas, he did own a house, don’t think he was tertiary educated, he didn’t have a job for almost two months while we were seeing each other, he drove a ford, he didn’t have kids & I assume he was single, he made me laugh, he said he liked going out yet we never did, he was family orientated, fairly honest, I found him attractive the more & more we caught up & he was good in bed!

You can see why my friends think I am fussy, but this list stems from my own accomplishments that I think would be attractive to a man, I have a house, I’m educated, I’m very well travelled, my job is great, I don’t have kids or baggage but all this equates to for most men is that I’m intimidating. I scare them off by being a smart independent woman.

I generally only use this list when I know I am never going to see them again, it protects my heart a little, I can say to my friends ‘Well he had nothing on my list anyway’ when probably in truth, the list means didilly squat..

Now my list is:

  • Someone who actually likes me

#IBD4U

Moonta

I heard a comedian tell a story once where he was never lucky with women, then he finally found someone who loved him & they became boyfriend & girlfriend that all these other women came out of the woodworks & suddenly found him attractive. I believe there is a phenomenon that once you have someone, whether that is casual, serious or not even monogamous that others will find you more attractive. That’s how I met Moonta!

On a weekend away with six girlfriends for my friends 40th, things were relatively normal, in a group of four flats facing the beach. We went down for a swim & looked back at our balcony to find a what seemed topless woman, playing what seemed to be a game of strip mini basketball with her boyfriend. When he stood up & flashed his bare ass, we know it’s a game of strip something!

Having a wine on the deck, nude boy pops his head over (he’s now in footy shirts) & asks if we saw him naked, when I said yes & had a laugh he asked if we wanted to play a naked game. I laughed explaining that we were six women here for a fun weekend but that wouldn’t include nakedness. We talked to him for a while, which somehow resulted in him cooking our BBQ that myself & another friend were going to do, so we went out to the BBQ to be polite & to supervise.

We talked more to this guy, who seemed like he was on drugs as he was grinding his teeth & his toes didn’t stop moving, but when we talked to him more, he explained that we could call the girl he was with “his wife”, when she came out with their meat for the BBQ, we invited them over for salad, but she declined. Fair enough, she was there for a dirty weekend with her husband!

After dinner, Moonta popped his head around our corner again to chat & play his music for us. Another friend gave the birthday girl a pack of Cards Against Humanity. Moonta & I were the only ones who’d ever played it so we had to explain the rules. During the card game things didn’t seem right with Moonta & his woman, she mentioned driving her husbands car up there, she seemed to imply that they weren’t a couple at all, he was 28 & she was 45 & Moonta wasn’t wearing a ring. Not my problem.

At the end of two rounds of hilarious cards, I was winning & the birthday girl had had enough, we packed up but Moonta wouldn’t leave even with his girl saying they should go back to their room. She left him & everyone went inside, I thought, this guy isn’t going anywhere so I hung back to talk to him (being the only one close to his age) but I never expected things to go the way they did…

He wouldn’t leave, when I asked why he said he didn’t want to go home & that he found me “so hot”, being that it isn’t a descriptive term I hear often or ever, I laughed. The chick he was with had washboard abs, perky tits & was relatively pretty. I never hear that from guys, ever. Hot is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. So I ended up going inside, thinking this guy is delusional.

I went to my bed room to get changed in my Pj’s, tidy up my bag a bit & who appears at my window? Moonta, telling me how hot he thinks I am, how much he wants to fuck me, I try not to entertain the idea, when I hear his woman come around the corner, I hide behind the wall & stay there till I can’t hear their voices like some sort of idiot. Rolling my eyes, I head back out for to the group in the lounge room for another wine.

The friend who helped with the BBQ comes out of her room after having just gone to bed saying that Moonta was standing at her window blowing smoke in her room & asking for me. I am secretly excited, but think what the fuck, this guy is here on a dirty weekend with a married woman who is hot, what the hell would he want with me? (I may need to work on my self-esteem!)

I go outside to find him, he immediately starts telling me how hot he finds me, I explain that I’m “kinda seeing someone”, he says that’s fine, he’s happy just to talk, tell me about your boyfriend. So we sit on the retaining wall & I feel stupid telling him about Milky, who is unfortunately on my mind, do I want to jeopardise what I have with him? (do I really have “something” with Milky to jeopardise?) but do I really want to pass up a sexy night with this hot guy for something that may not even be anything?

Yet when he leans down to kiss me, I’m thankful he’s taller than me & I kiss him back, he tried to put his hands in my pyjama shorts & I pull away. This guy is here on a dirty weekend with a chick & I have a Milky – don’t I?. Moonta really knows how to get a woman into bed, I mean some of the lines he came out with like ‘I want to date you’ & ‘we don’t have to have sex, we can just talk but you’re so hot I want you.’ He keeps trying to kiss me, but I keep pulling away when she comes around the corner & sharply says his name like his mum. I tell him to go, that nothing is going to happen with me, he tried to memorise my phone number (yeah right!) & then tries to remember my name to add me on Facebook. She comes around the corner again “are you serious?” I pushed him away & walked away back inside, never to hear from him again. Probably for the best anyway!

Moonta

I didn’t tell Milky about the kiss (we’re not exclusive, I mean I’ve asked if he’s sleeping with anyone else which he said no, but we’ve not had the talk) But what this encounter made me realise, is that I actually might like Milky a lot more than I wanted to, or is he just the first regular guy I’ve slept with that has show some sort of interest in me?

#IBD4U

Swiss

In my younger years, before boyfriend, I went on my first overseas trip to Fiji. I was so excited to be finally going overseas, it was a massive dream. While I am a well-traveled individual now, at 20 going overseas for the first time, I was a bit of a late starter, in comparison to my friends. I was going with one girl friend & we were going to spend 10 days in Fiji, 5 on a Beachcomber island and 5 on the main island at a resort. The first 5 days were apparently going to be spent on the party island.

When we got there, the party island, was tiny, you could walk around the whole thing in about 10 minutes. People only spent one or two days there & they all slept in backpacker style accommodation however my friend & had a room with a private bathroom. For being in our early 20’s, we probably should’ve been in the share accommodation, it might’ve been more fun, however people we met, called us snobs & rich because we had a private bathroom.

One night at the bar we made friends with two other chicks from Sydney, we also met a guy from Canada, a guy from Germany & a guy from Switzerland. We were all drinking way too much & ended up doing some shots. My friend & I somehow even got behind the bar to take a photo with the bartenders.

I started cosying up with Swiss (as we all started to call him – I don’t know how real name) & my friend with a German guy. I don’t really remember how things happen but I ended up back in my room with Swiss & we start kissing & have sex, before my friend comes knocking on the door to come in with the German guy. Swiss & I leave the room & head to the tennis courts. I’m not sure why we gave up the room, but we did. We try to have sex on the tennis courts but I get sore knees (hahaha) so we retreat back to closer to the room, where we find a hammock. We fool around & have sex in the hammock before just lying there under the stars of Fiji.

Swiss

The next day, Swiss is off the island & I am extremely hungover. He says he’ll keep in touch but this is actually before the days of Facebook so I never hear or see him again, nor do I try to contact him – not that I would know how anyway. But it was nice to have a summer romance & literally weeks after that encounter, I end up with Boyfriend & in a relationship. I had everything I ever wanted, so I didn’t worry about the boy I fucked in Fiji. But now I kind of wonder what it would be like if I met someone like that now days, with Facebook.

Oh actually, hang on….

I did & it’ll probably just end up like Cruise/Cruise#2. Never mind.

#IBD4U

Ibiza

My friend & I were travelling through Europe still for 5 weeks a few years back, the same trip I had the Manchester evening in Croatia. We picked different countries that neither of had been too before. So we planned Spain, now you can’t go to Spain without a trip to Ibiza.

Our trip was a very tight trip with everything we wanted to fit in. Stupidly I think we went to 7 or 8 countries in 5 weeks, doing our own thing, not a tour so it was pretty full on. We booked flights to Ibiza & with our schedule, it meant we were going to be there less than 24 hours. It was pre-season, so the clubs weren’t open yet however there was one nightclub doing a special gig that we bought tickets for.

We went to the local shop, got some drinks (which were super cheap!) then we went back to the hotel, hung by the pool for a bit & got ready for a big night out. Now being in Ibiza, the party capital of the world, we thought we should get there early so we didn’t have to line up & also cos we had an early flight the next day.

We rock up to ‘Space’ nightclub. The music is pumping but the place is empty. Much like the Croatia nightclub. We sit at the bar & have transvestites chatting to us who were promo girls, while other guys taking to us didn’t believe they were men. It was worrying that the massive club was basically empty. Maybe this was a mistake!

Ibiza

But just like Croatia, the club starts to get packed, we start dancing & drinking way too much. Well especially me this time.

We start dancing with this bunch of guys, all wearing bunny ears. They all speak Spanish, no English at all & I try out my Spanish skills trying to talk to them, however it does not go well, especially in a packed loud nightclub. I somehow end up kissing one of them. He very cute, beautiful brown hair, beautiful tan, tall, exotic & just what I needed that night. I remember walking around the club with him, possibly trying to find somewhere we could have sex but not succeeding.

I go back to my friend & she is relieved to find me again, saying I’d been gone for ages. Really? Whoops… What was I doing? Kissing a sexy Spanish guy, that’s what! We trek back to the hotel, luckily she was more sober than me. I was so drunk, I don’t remember much besides what she’s told me. But I had such a good time I remember shouting over the music at one point to her “I’m never growing up!” & let’s face it, I haven’t!

#IBD4U

Dating Sites

I never seem to use the name of the dating sites I use, I’m not sure why, I guess because they don’t pay me to advertise but also it’s kinda irrelevant what site I met all of these dip shits on, they are all the same in the end. But I want to talk about the options, what I’ve been on & how they work for those of you thinking about joining!

OASIS: Free site with app to like someone then chat to them if they like you back. It’s more about the profile & picture information, but you can opt not to have a picture & you can have very little information.

TINDER: Free superficial app, swipe left for no & swipe right for yes. Good thing is there are no dumb usernames because it links to Facebook. You can also superlike people by swiping up which means it’s not anonymous but then they at least know you like them & its not just wait until you die to find out that they never liked you!

BADOO: Is a paid site with app, which encompasses Oasis & Tinder, there is swiping left & right, but you can also chat to someone who is not your friend or accepted you at all. You can also see who is close to you, as in km’s away from you, which can be a bit creepy when they say, hey pop by.

POF: Paid app that I used years ago, but haven’t actually used since I started this blog, might have to reactivate an account & see what happens.

RSVP: I don’t know a great deal about RSVP anymore, it has probably changed so much since I used it. But I‘m sure people have success on it. Another option to check out in a few months when I am still single as the day I was born!

EHARMONY: Paid site with an app which I haven’t worked out the app at all & am not getting any regular matches even though I have paid for three months’ membership. Yet it doesn’t send matches ever & when it does they are always from interstate. Maybe there are no men left for me?

ZOOSK: A paid app that links to Facebook (a friend didn’t even know she had an account because of Facebook) but basically all the same people as the other apps.

CLOVER: Free app but I didn’t get it at all, but got one guy to chat to me, who I found on other apps, then didn’t talk to me on them once I deleted clover.

BUMBLE: Free app which is like Tinder to swipe left & right, only women have to start the conversations, men can’t even if they match with you.

Dating Sites

I’m not an expert & I have no idea what gets you more hits or likes that other profiles but I will offer some of my own advice (my pet peeves) to those thinking about starting an online profile:

  • Have a picture, a recent picture of your face, of just you, not all your mates (cos chances are I’ll like one of them better!), not your abs or shirtless or chicks with a duck face & tits out. Also don’t have five different pictures that all look like a different person. Remember you are only as good as your worst picture! (DEEP!)
  • Don’t bitch about how shit other users are on the site. Talk about yourself, your hobbies, you interests, use positive language, it’s your time to shine not bitch about how other users won’t write back when you to initiate a chat.
  • Don’t write that you won’t add someone if they don’t have a photo. Sure, have that policy but don’t advertise it. I mostly have that policy too but don’t have it written on your profile.
  • SPELL CHECK & correct grammar! I can pass by a few errors but not entire sentences on the profile. Chat mistakes are ok but not on your profile!
  • Do not use text speak ever on your profile, especially LOL
  • Don’t be too generic.
    • I prefer pubs not clubs
    • I like walks on the beach
    • I like to go out but also like to cuddle on the couch with a movie
    • Not looking for hookups (then proceed to only talk dirty to me)
    • I’m a nice guy/girl
  • In the what you’re looking for don’t write “someone who looks after themselves” I hate it, it could mean you won’t date someone who’s fat, it could mean you want them to be high maintenance – spray tan, fake nails, fake hair, always in high heels, anyway it’s just dumb, don’t say it.

That’s just my two cents worth, I don’t know what I am talking about clearly not an expert, but this is just my opinion & trust me I’ve dated so much & been online for so long that I think I could at least go Pro.

#IBD4U

Cruise

Meeting someone on the second to last night of the cruise I went on, was not at all what I expected, especially since I hadn’t even seen this guy around the ship at all, other people you just constantly bump into. I was happily sitting in the ‘nightclub’ having a few drinks with my travel buddy when a very drunk guy asks if he could sit down. I said yes, not really interested in him but we chatted as much as you can with someone so drunk you can’t understand their words. His friend came & sat with my friend & they started talking. When the guy next to me got up & left, probably because I wasn’t talking to him so I turned to talk to my friend & the other guy “Cruise”.

When Cruise got up out of his seat & came & sat next to me, my friend must have gotten a little pissed off. Cruise asked if we wanted a drink, while he was at the bar my friend turns to me & says “I’m going to go back to the room” of course I was a little pissed off myself as this guy was at the bar getting me a wine, I hope it doesn’t look like to him that I asked her to go.

After she left, he came to sit next to me on the couch, where he put his arm around me telling me all about his room, he & his mate had a balcony suite, which I really wanted to see because I was interested in the different between our porthole window. He kissed me on the couch, it was a good kiss & I wanted more. I’m not even sure how we got back to his room but his friend & his mattress were missing! We searched the room & found him on the balcony, asleep on his mattress! He so could have fallen overboard, but it was so funny. I locked the balcony door (including locking his mate outside) & Cruise pounced, however neither of us had a condom so we didn’t do anything. –This was becoming a thing for me! Cruise asked his balcony sleeping friend, but he also didn’t have any either.

The next day, reading in the kid freebar, I forgot my reading glasses & so I go for a walk back to the room to get them but I bump into Cruise, which is bizarre since I’d not seen him once before & this was the last night on board, I took him back to my room with me & we kissed but there was no point getting excited since neither of us had a condom. 20 minutes later, I say I better get back to my friend, which he comes to say hello, then leaves for a nap.

Cruise

Later than night, we bump into each other again, (what are the odds!) he buys me some drinks & whispers in my ear “I’ve rectified the situation we had last night if you are interested” of course I was, but how will we ditch our friends? Somehow his friend disappears again & mine retreats back to our room, therefore we again have nowhere to go.

We kiss for a bit at the bar but we go back to his room & we find his friend snoring his head off in bed, my heart sinks, I turn & say “we’re just going to have to do it on the balcony” I sit out on the balcony as he goes to the bathroom & when he pops his head back out he says “we’ve got 30 minutes,” I crack up laughing but step inside & his friend is walking out the door. ‘How romantic’ I say, he open the curtains of the room & turns off the light so we have moonlight streaming in & he asks if that’s romantic enough. It’ll have to do, we’ve only got 28 minutes now!

We have pretty good sex for being on a time limit, I think I’m still putting on my clothes with his friend comes back in asking how it was! Cruise walks me back to my room & asks for my phone where he puts in his phone number & email address, but I don’t think there will be much future to it as he’s from Canberra!

#IBD4U

One Arm

One of the most superficial things about online dating is the fact that you have no idea how old the photo is that the person has posted & also sometimes you can’t even tell if they only have one arm or not! I’m not sure how much it would have mattered that he only had one arm but I showed about 20 people his photo to see what they thought but no one could work it out. In the end he did have two arms, so all was well but I still can’t understand what happened with this guy.

We texted for a while, spoke on the phone & arranged a date, a walk on the beach. Now at this point in my life I was feeling pretty ugly & fat, so when he suggested the beach I was so unsure what to wear, I had no cute dresses or anything beachy, having not been to the beach in about five years, I think I ended up wearing jeans & a top. It was windy as hell & we were pelted with sand the whole time, but he didn’t seem to want to leave, we talked about all sorts of crap & he offered to walk up the beach a bit to where we’d be protected behind the rocks by the pelting sand.

At the end of the date he walked me back to my car & asked if I wanted to see him again, I said sure, he seemed like a decent bloke. We didn’t kiss or hug but I felt alright about our first meeting, even though a date on the beach wasn’t something I was comfortable with, I still felt like this had prospects & maybe a future.

Later that night, he text me to say he’d had a good time, we texted a fair bit through the week & even really late at night, which is usually when guys start being suggestive, but this guy didn’t, he seemed pretty decent. Until I brought it up about catching up again with him, that he said he just wanted to be friends & didn’t feel the spark with me. I don’t really understand why these guys text me after the date to say they had a good time if they know they don’t ‘feel the spark’ I mean whatever happened to waiting the 3 days after a date before contacting the girl? I also understand that these guys are dating more that one woman at a time, but what is so wrong with me that they go from paying for the entire date & texting me less than an hour after, to not wanting a to see me again? What does this other girl have that I don’t? Well clearly nothing, because it’s a few years later & One Arm is still on a few different sites & has liked my profile on one, so let’s just see if there is “one arm #2” coming up!

f

Although after all the second chances I’ve given men over the years & it ended with me feeling like a complete dick saying “shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice”, is it wise to give this guy a second chance? In the end I didn’t! Did I let “The One” go?

#IBD4U