Holiday – Page 2 – I've Been Dating For You

Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60

Erotica: Scene Three – His Orgasm

Again, here is my fiction erotica. By now if you’re reading my blog, you can see why my imagination was running wild & why this became my porn.

These are the two previous posts that you may want to read first if you haven’t already: Scene one – Nipple Bells & Scene Two – Eight Spanks

Scene Three – His Orgasm

My knees are weak, my legs wobble underneath my body & I fear I’m not going to be able to stand anymore.
His strong arms hold me as he walks around me, to stand in front of me.
He’s hard, having not cum at all, yet I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cum in what feels like 10 minutes.
He looks me up & down, he can tell I am tired but I don’t think that will stop him.
His face says it all, it’s like he can’t get enough of me, he looks at me like he doesn’t want anyone else, he looks at me with such desire that I feel a shiver up my spine.
He smiles, knowing what he does to me, I smile back, wondering how this man has such an effect on me.

Erotica #3

He runs his fingers from my shoulders down my arms, I turn my head to watch his fingers tickle my sensitive skin & his fingers lace with mine.
He steps backwards pulling me with him, when his legs hit the bed, he sits down, standing me between his knees.
He lets go of my hands & his rest at the back of my knees, before running up the back of my legs to my ass where he moans, a deep, primal groan that lets me know all I need to know.
He grabs my ass, pulling me to sit on his lap.
I bend my knees, resting my hands on his shoulders.
He feathers soft kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, his hands caresses my ass as I start to wriggle in his lap.
One hand slips between us & between my legs to move my lace panties aside.
As soon as his fingers touch my clit I jolt, its so sensitive & I don’t think I can last long.

He lifts my hips up & holds his cock at my entrance, I want to take all of him but he just teases me, wetting himself so he can slide in.
I moan, tilting my head back & his mouth finds my waiting nipple, which he bites.
As I yelp while he slides my hips down so I am full of his cock.
I am ready to move, I am ready to make him cum, I want him to cum with me this time.
I start to kneel up on my knees so I can feel him pull out of me, but he holds my hips still.
He takes my hands from his shoulder which were giving me leverage to move on his cock, to my ankles.
I whimper knowing his is locking each wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs.
With his hands holding my hips still, I have to lean back to stay balanced, he starts to kiss my neck, I moan, he works down to my nipple where he sucks & then moves over to the other nipple until is standing to attention for him.
“Please, I need to move, I am going to cum”
I feel him smile against my nipple
“Baby, you are going to cum… & cum… & cum no matter what” his deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, how does he effect me so much?
“Pllllleeeeaaassseee” I’m begging like a child, trying to gyrate my hips in his lap, his hard cock deep inside me still.
He doesn’t stop sucking my nipples.
“I want you to cum this way”
“Oh fuck, sir can I cum?”
He smiles but doesn’t stop sucking my nipples
“You may cum when you need too”
I start to try to rock on my hips but he won’t let me move
“Please I need to move”
“You will cum like this” I moan, even though I think it’s impossible without some friction, my body betrays me & starts to build.
My breathing intensifies, short bursts, I try to pull my nipples out of his way but he pulls me closer so that my whole breast is pushed in his face.
I try to move my hands but its pointless, all it does is lift my ankles & push me into his face.
He laughs, yet still has a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard till it pops out his mouth with a sound.
He then sticks out his tongue and licks, quickly, up & down, making me huff & puff still completely unable to move but feeling every inch of him inside me.
I scream out with an orgasm that rips through me
“Fuuuuccckkkk”
“Ah thank fuck for that” he growls, without even knowing my hands are undone & I’m lying on the bed, still orgasming, my eyes going blurry…
He’s stoking his cock, hard, I know he’s close too, I can’t move I feel like I am still cumming
“Where do you want me to cum?” I moan, rolling my head from side to side
“Answer me” he snaps
“I want… I… want….” I can’t even get the words out, he can tell, so he rips open my corset
“Hold your tits together”
I do as I’m told having not being able to answer him about when I want him to cum
“Open your mouth too” I open it, poking out my tongue slightly for a taste of his cum
As his warm cum hits my breasts, some also reaches my mouth & I know he is pleased as I stick out my tongue to lick it off my chin, by the noises he’s making.
“Good Girl”
He’s smiling & I am done. I roll over on my side, he curls up behind me spooning me.
I’m still covered in his cum, I don’t want to wash it off, it’s like being branded by him.
I feel like nothing can get better than the evening I’ve just had.

Guest Blogger: The Recipe

I love this concept. I was only just talking about this the other day, the fact I have done so many unsafe things in my dating life & how I have been so bloody lucky nothing terrible has happened to me! I am so thankful for that, however this is a great safety tool that all single people should adopt with their friends.

Code words!

The Recipe

Ladies… have you had dessert?

This question could be life-changing…

Yes, that rich, flourless chocolate cake COULD actually change your life, but have you asked a friend recently if they’ve had dessert?

After a recent spate of great and not-so-great Tinder/Bumble/pick up in a local bar dates, in one of our weekly dish sessions, my concerned friend expressed that she was worried that my sister or myself might find ourselves in a dangerous situation. Obviously we always tell each other our location, his name, photo, any random information about him that we have accumulated, but in this imaginary scenario, our usual “are you ok?” message might be met with aggression where we might be forced to reply ‘yes’, when in fact, we’re not ok. So we devised a plan…

Have you had dessert?

A discreet and seemingly harmless question, sent approximately 30 minutes into a date, with a series of code responses:

*Yes, I had chocolate means the date is going very well!

*Yes, I had vanilla means it’s good, but a bit boring.

*Yes, I had pistachio means it’s ok, but I’m ready to go home.

All of the above answers indicate that we are all good. Unfortunately, for my sister, I like to mix and match, so she often receives ‘chocolatey vanilla’, or something completely different. Sometimes, when I forget the code, she gets things like “pancakes with blueberries”, because I actually had that. Or when it’s been really spectacular: “triple chocolate with whipped cream and extra chocolate chips with sprinkles”. Obviously, all men would love to be this one, but it’s reserved for a certain Canadian gentleman… well, they’re his words, but I fully endorse them

If things are not going well…

*No, I’m thinking of having a chocolate sundae means it’s not going well, but I’m ok.

*No, I’m thinking of having some rocky road (get it? The road is rocky?) means it’s getting worse, be on standby.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split (split… right?) means if I don’t contact you in the next 10 mins, call or come and get me.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split – DO YOU WANT ONE TOO? means get me out now.

And one that we will hopefully never have to use: No, tell Dad to get some donuts means call the police and tell them what’s happening.

We wrote this code laughing hysterically, as my son walked into the room asking ‘oh, are you guys getting dessert?’, but we realised that it’s not really a laughing matter. I mean, realistically, if something were really wrong, chances are we wouldn’t be using code, but it makes it a little more fun…

And let me be clear, this is not about sex… we can have a different one for that

So here I am, writing to you all, sharing stories so we can support each other through good dates, bad dates, heartbreak and excitement and of course, mind-blowing sex!!

I hope you’ll continue to read this and share it with your friends.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures…

To check out this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/9

Just as you practice safe sex, please practice safe dating!

Max #2

Back at my house that night, Max & I have a drink & he goes outside to smoke. We sit outside chatting, cuddling & kissing before we go into the bedroom & because I’ve shown him my X restraints on my bed, that I had just bought recently, this will be the first time I use them. I actually bought them with Milky in mind but he doesn’t seem to get kink at all. Max ties each limb to each point on the X & teases me with toys, he goes though my draws looking for things to play with.

I am not sure if I’ve ever shared this very intimate detail about myself, that I am in fact a squirter, I never realised it until the first time I had sex with Milky, (which also will show you how much my writing has evolved, my first Milky post I never talked about squirting), I squirted with Milky & he had to get a towel & made me feel weird about it, with Max I squirt too, however tonight, Max takes it to another level. For those who’ve ever watched porn & have seen porn stars squirt all over the place like their vagina has been filled with water, if you’re like me & thought it was fake… Guess again! Yeah, that’s not fake! That is real! Apparently I can spray squirt! Max loved it so much, yet I’m kind of mortified, tied up unable to move, he keeps fingering me till I do it again & again…. The bed is saturated & I am soaking wet too, as I am sure he is… Fuck how did he get me to do that?

Max #2

While we have sex, the sexual interaction with Max isn’t about him fucking me, but more about my pleasure & my enjoyment. He seems to get more enjoyment out of rubbing his cock on my clit & making my cum that way or sticking his fingers inside me to make me squirt than he does actually fucking me. While I’m not complaining, this is certainly the most exciting sex I’ve ever had, he also doesn’t cum a lot himself, most of the times we’ve been together, he’s not cum. He focuses on me. I wonder if that’s part of the reason I am enjoying him so much? Because he’s not just rubbing my clit for 5 seconds then sticking his dick in? Whatever it is, this is certainly the best sex of my life.

We talk a lot online but I don’t see him again for another week, I find out that he works for himself & his office literally 6 minutes from my house. I actually realise that I drive past it every single day on the way to my work. He decides that one night that he wants to come to the gym with me… It’s a small gym where he could have a trial week. I am running late coming home from work so we meet at my house but we kiss & cuddle a little that I just say to him did he want to skip it, but he says no. We race into the cardio class & we work out. It’s a tough class as always. He doesn’t stay over that night, which is fine, I don’t expect him to stay over that much, I mean he does have a wife & I don’t always sleep that well when I have a man in my bed. But of course, we have sex! Hahaha.

The next day on the way to work, my Mum calls me before 8:00 am, I know what this call is going to be… My Mum never calls me. I brace myself & answer the phone, she tells me the news I was dreading to hear. That my Nanna passed away this morning. I don’t cry, I can’t… My Nanna & I had a weird relationship, everyone says that we’re much alike in some ways & that’s why we always butted heads. We would see my Nanna every Sunday at her house for as long as I could remember, but since she went into the nursing home, it had moved to my house. I go to my first work meeting, in a bit of a daze but then ring my boss & say that I can’t work & will cancel my afternoon meetings & go home. I plan to be with my Mum & family, but I stay away. I am obviously chatting to Max & I tell him of this sad news, he asks where I am & I say that I’m at home… He rocks up to my house unannounced in the middle of the day with a bunch of flowers… That still doesn’t make me cry. I am not normal when it comes to crying. We sit on the couch most of the day just chatting or playing a joint game on our phones. It’s nice to just sit there & not think about this.

I talk to him every day, mainly because he makes an effort more than I do. He also asks me to chat to his wife, Sweetie. I do not want to talk to her, I am happy to pretend she & their kids don’t exist. He bugs me about it all the time, says she wants to talk to me. FUCK. This is not what I want… I don’t want to get caught up in the drama of this… It seems to be going quite well. Even though we chat all the time, I don’t see him for another week, which is a quick visit between getting home from work & my massage appointment. I don’t really have the time to see him, but my vagina thinking for me, makes the time… He comes over & we have a sexual interaction– sex with him is not penetrative but just him trying to make me squirt, which he does, EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

Port Lincoln

Swiping left & right while away for work, I come across a couple of guys who match with me in Port Lincoln – a town almost 8 hours from where I live in Adelaide. One writes back more, with more interesting comments so I focus on him. I let him know I am only in Pt Lincoln for a couple of days, so essentially letting him know I just want sex while here & I want it now, without actually saying to him that I just want to be fucked – that sends the wrong message to men usually. I’m a lady!

He offers for me to go over to his house, but I am cautious of that. I mean I am very far from home, I know no one here, I have no one to rescue me & no one knows where I am, should this guy be a lunatic… We arrange to meet for a wine at the marina instead. It’s a nice quiet crisp weeknight, he’s there when I arrive & I can tell who he is as he’s the only one in the place on his own & also he looks exactly like his pics.

The conversation flows really easily, I am not sure why we start talking about chicken eggs, probably because I am eating eggs every day at the moment but he tells me they are just a chickens period, well then! That’s a great topic for a first date. OMG what is wrong with this guy! However he is very intellectual – discussing all sorts of my usual off limits conversations topics like politics & religion that I feel a bit out of my depth with his conversation, I mean lighten up dude!

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We drink 2 glasses of wine at the marina, when I suggest that he come back to my hotel room, I have a little room which is quite nice with an outdoor entry, so we don’t have to walk through a reception or anything – which is mortifying doing that. He agrees & so he follows me back to the hotel even though I’m pretty sure he knew where it was. I don’t have anything to drink but water, so I offer him a glass, turn on the TV & sit on the couch with him. We don’t sit there for long, thank god before he leans over & kisses me. It’s really hot, he’s pretty good kisser… We move it to the bedroom area of the hotel room & he goes down on me, I am a bit worried because my period is just about to start – so I’m a little self concious & don’t think this is going to be very good because I don’t know how much I will relax. But fuck! He literally is the best head of my life, up until then at least. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy go down on me long enough without sticking his fingers in to make me cum. That was amazing… Mind blown… Wow, just wow!

He asks me to suck his cock, which I do because not only do I like to do it but I also he’s just literally made me forget my own name. Wow… (Yeah I’m still going on about it! Hahaha…) I suck him for a bit then we put on a condom & have sex. The sex is ok, not quite as good as him going down on me, but still respectable. Just pretty normal sex, nothing out of the ordinary. He then asks me to suck his cock again, which isn’t as good with the taste of plastic from the condom lingering but it is still good, I really like doing it for some guys, he cums in my mouth (why is this a thing I let guys do now?)

We lay there sated, for a little while, not a long time, but we’re just chatting, easily before he gets up to go. It’s quite easy with him, that I am actually sad that he lives in Port Lincoln & not in Adelaide. But I think that perhaps next time I’m out here that I can catch up with him, kind of like a FWB in another town. He actually messages me on the app with his phone number shortly afterwards, so I send him a text the next morning & tell him that I couldn’t look at my eggs the same way this morning after what he said. We text a little, he tells me that he is moving back to Adelaide soon before he goes overseas, he was there with his wife that he split with, now he’s moving overseas. I go home to Adelaide a day later, but I wonder if I’m going to be able to see him again next time I’m in Port Lincoln or maybe when he’s in Adelaide?

Erotica: Scene Two – Eight Spanks

For new readers, I started sharing some erotica fiction that I wrote. Not completely irrelevant to my blogs but not necessarily essential.

I hoped you enjoyed Scene One – Nipple Bells. You may have to read it first for this to make sense as they do flow on from one another…

Here is the second instalment… Enjoy!

Scene Two – Eight Spanks

He leans on me between my legs while I still have aftershocks of my orgasm running through me.
He releases one of the nipple clamps & lightly kisses the sensitive skin, he proceeds to do the same on my other nipple.
The release is bittersweet.
He reaches up to my hands & pulls them down from above my head, unclipping the clips on the cuffs to free my arms.
He rubs my shoulders & I feel so special that he takes the time to make sure I am ok.
He grabs my hands in his hand & pulls me to standing, my legs still spread with the spreader bar attached to my ankles.
I am weak from my orgasm & standing in heels with the bar, I stumble, but he catches me around the waist.
His hands run over my sensitive breasts, while he kisses my neck.
I lean my head back on his shoulder, loving his tender touch.
He whispers in my ear
“Bend over”

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I wonder how I am going to stand through what I think he’s going to do, he clips my wrist cuffs onto the bar between my legs.
His hand rubs my ass that’s poking in the air, I know what he’s planning, he’s going to spank me while I’m standing up.
“I want you to count the spanks out loud, so I can hear you”
“Yes Sir”
“Good girl”
He takes his hand away & I brace myself for the impact.
When it doesn’t come, I peer back to see what he is doing, then he spanks me.
It makes me unstable on my feet, but he holds me by the waist to steady me.
“One”
“Louder”
“One” I cry out
He rubs my other butt cheek & does the same, I brace myself but it’s only when he sees me relax that he spanks me
“Two”
He rubs my ass & in quick succession he hits me twice.
“Three, Four”
Then before I know it, his cock is deep inside me, but then out before I even get used to being full of his cock.
As his cock enters me again, quickly in & out, he spanks me, I let out a yelp
“Five”
He builds up speed, pulling his cock all the way out each time, then pounding into me, I can barely stay standing.
I feel like I am close to cumming again.
He spanks me with each thrust
“Six, I’m going to cum sir”
“You must ask permission”
He tortures me again
“Seven, please may I cum sir?” he groans & picks up the pace, that I am struggling to stay standing
“Please sir, can I cum for you?”
As he pounds into me, spanking my ass one last time he says
“Yes”
I scream “Eight” as if it’s the usual thing I say when I cum
He keeps pounding into me as I cum so hard on his cock, squeezing him as he pulls in & out of me.
As my orgasm starts to subside, he unclips my hands from the bar & unclips the bar from my legs, he stands me up but I am so weak, I can barely stand.
He pulls me upright against his chest, his hands on my breasts again, he leans into my ear
“I’m not done with you yet…”

Cold shower anyone?!

Guest Blogger: 30 Things Women Want Men To Know

I read this via another Blog (https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1094) & I found it very interesting.

I disagree with number 2 personally, I’ve said this many times before. However the rest of these are very true for me too!

30 Things Women Want Men To Know

Posted on May 20, 2016 by MaKupsy

I was really trying to avoid blogging about anything concerning sex but I guess it was highly inevitable. Today I am sharing those things most women wish men knew but simply don’t tell them. My personal thoughts are points 1-10 and 30 and the rest of the points are from the women I asked. Here’s hoping no one takes offence but maybe takes notes instead and make sex something both you and your partner enjoy.

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It is not about the quantity but the quality of sex. Why are you trying to have 8 rounds of 2 minute sex?? One session of good sex is good enough and if you are doing things right and hitting the spot then by all means rest assured I am fine.
Size does matter. For me that is, that motion for the ocean line doesn’t hold water. I am a big girl, I like big things.
Sex in the dark? NO, switch on the light please I want to see what’s going on.
If you have to ask “how was it” you know the sex was lousy.
Do no keep asking me how it was; you are not ready for the truth.
Just because the last woman you slept with liked anal sex does not mean the next woman does. Ask before trying to sneak your dick into my ass hole!
I don’t fake orgasms, if I didn’t cum I didn’t cum, it is really that simple.
Oral sex is a big turn on. Eat that pussy like it’s the cure for some life threatening disease! Note I said EAT not small little licks!
Do not bite the clitoris! Just because it is shaped like a jelly bean it does not mean it was made for biting. That is a sensitive organ, be gentle.
Don’t be lazy, put your back in it!
Take off ALL your clothes. Why do you leave some clothes on? Socks, vest, take it off we want to see all your body parts.
Screaming doesn’t mean we are enjoying it. It can mean one of three things. Maybe we just want to stroke your ego and make you think you are pumping us proper, we want you to stop or it’s actually painful. LOL
We don’t always orgasm, but that’s okay. Do not make it a big deal because if you do we end up faking orgasms.
Sex should not always be about a good fuck. Sometimes a woman wants some good old deep, delicious and slow love making.
Change of scenery will definitely spice up the sex. The bedroom becomes boring. Sex in the shower anyone?
We love surprises; introduce goodies like chocolate, strawberries, yoghurt, edible lingerie…
Take a bath! Who do you want to climb on top of smelling like you were ploughing in a field all day?
Sweat is a NO NO. Show up smelling divine and maybe a different cologne every now and again is a huge turn on.
Do not be a selfish lover, wait for the woman to orgasm.
Do not keep switching tempo. We do like variety BUT constantly changing tempo interrupts our flow. Worst time to switch is when we are about to orgasm. Do you have any idea what it takes to finally get an orgasm??? Do not tempt us to punch you in the face during sex!
If a woman is not in the mood for sex she is not. No amount of parading in the room naked will change her mind.
Foreplay is more than just sticking your fingers up her pussy.
Enjoying sex does not make me a freak.
Sex is meant to be fun.
If you expect to get head you better wash up your dick properly!
Women probably love sex more than men but our society has raised us in a way where showing that labels you a loose woman.
Most women are shy to initiate sex but in her mind she has ripped off your clothes and done all sorts of unimaginable things!
Women are horniest when they are on their period. Some actually don’t mind sex during that time of the month.
You don’t know women like that. Just because your friend told you his woman liked this, it doesn’t mean I will like it.
TALK, TALK, TALK! You must communicate during sex. That way you both say what you want. Laughing is even welcome when things go wrong. That’s the whole point of sex, to have a good time. Give specifics and help each other to enjoy amazing sex!

*Side Note – Remember to practice safe sex. If you have sex without any form of contraception, then you may be at risk of a pregnancy (as well as a sexually transmitted infections).

Here’s a link to their blog: https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/30-things-women-want-men-to-know/

Hope you all enjoyed!

Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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“One”
I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
“Three”
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
“Hmmmm”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Four”
“Pleeeeessssseeee”
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Six”
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
“Seven”
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
“Eight”
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/122

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.

Mechanic #2

Mechanic & I talk all week, it’s a great week for me. I am smitten with this guy. I know what you’re all thinking, wasn’t I just saying “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” over & over last week? Yep, I was! But somehow I get caught up in the fact that this hot guy likes me – not as hot as his pictures but he was still very nice eye candy! He sends me dumb work pictures of car motors & the computer on his lap while he’s working, or his lunch & I find myself doing the same. He sends a pic of his banana & I send a pic of me suggestively eating my banana – so cute we both had a banana that day for lunch! It’s like it’s meant to be! OMG, get a grip! Its fun & I seriously enjoy this time of a interaction with a boy, when you can be cheeky & secretly planning your wedding in your head but also knowing that in a week, he probably won’t even know your name!

I explain to him that I am going away for a month, 4 weeks to the UK (where he’s from) but that I do want to see him before I go away. He says that he wants to too! Eek, that’s so good! We can’t seem to get a date that works well for both of us & the day we’re supposed to catch up, the night before I leave for the UK, my sister goes into labour & has my baby niece. FUCK, I want to see my new baby niece of course, because she’ll be a month old when I get back from the UK, but also my vagina won’t get any action for a whole month while away with my aunty too! What a dilemma!

It’s later in the afternoon, even early evening, when we are allowed to go to the hospital to visit, so I suggest to Mechanic to come over my house later this evening when I get home, he says that works for him, (thank god) but says that we can do it another time if it’s going to be too rushed. I don’t want to wait that long to see him, being that tomorrow I am flying out for 4 weeks away, I don’t want him to forget me.

So when everyone starts leaving the hospital about 8:30 pm, I mentally thank everyone for giving my sister some time to rest – purely selfish reasons, of course. I message him as I’m walking out the hospital doors, speed home & he meets me at my house shortly after I get there. I open some wine & he bring some beers, we just kiss on the cheek hello & stand in the kitchen talking. I ask if he wants some music on which he decides that he’s going to be the DJ. Usually this is my forte, I hate others picking the music – music is my thing. We move to the couch & he goes through my Spotify, making me guess the names of the singer or name of the song – he should know not to play this game with me, I know too much about music, weirdly! I guess them all right, which impresses him. I am secretly smug!

The music he chooses is seriously the most hilarious music – old school 90’s, lots of it is dance music, very much old school tunes, like Dj BoBo – Love is all around

& Dj Scooter – the logical song

I’ve attached the YouTube songs for you that want to reminisce! Absolute fucking gold tracks! Hahaha. He literally played almost every song from Dj BoBo going on & on about him & imitating the way he talks… I’m in fits of laughter the whole night! It’s probably the best date I’ve ever had with a guy.

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We sit there playing music for ages, it’s hilarious, I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to this guy, how much we have in common, how easy it is to have him here at my house, helping himself to his beers in the fridge & more wine, rather than waiting till I offer or asking for another. OMG. I am starting to like this guy too much… Why do I do that? Why does my brain automatically imagine a life with a guy I’ve been on 2 dates with?

He tells me that while I’m in the UK that I need to try all these different snack foods that he loves & a certain brand of peanuts. I tell him that I will definitely try them & I memorise what he said so that I can message him while I’m away! (OMG you loser!)

It’s been a great night just chilling out, without the TV on at all, like Milky & I always did. He leans into kiss me & we have great sex, again we have to get into certain positions for it to be comfortable for me, but we get there with a bit of communication. (communication is key to a good relationship, sexually or otherwise!)

I feel like I say this too much, but I really like this guy! (In all honesty, I’ve only really liked – or seen myself with 3 guys since breaking up with Boyfriend over a decade ago) I like that he isn’t quick to jump up & run home, he’s not scared to stick around, even though I know I am getting attached to this guy, luckily tomorrow I fly out for the UK.

We actually talk a lot while I’m away! I send him pictures of me eating the snack foods that he recommended & I find myself packing a small packet of the nuts into my suitcase for him, when I show him me eating them & he says bring me back some! (What the actual fuck! You’re a creep!) We talk when I get back from my holiday too & I tell him that I brought him back some nuts, he’s says that I’m a legend. But we never catch up. I try to arrange something for before I go back to work, but can’t seem to lock it down. I get a bit pissed off & you know me, I stop initiating texts because I think he can contact me if he is interested.

Obviously he’s not.

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

Guest Blogger: Honest, Unfiltered Advice

Some of this is hard to read because it’s so true for me… I think we sometimes like to ignore the reality for the fantasy, I am so guilty of it.

Honest, Unfiltered Advice

This will be a constant work-in-progress: read through these when you have problem or aren’t sure what to do.

I’m being blunt for a reason. Some days, even I get tired of being a “Dear Abby” for my nearest and dearest.

So here they are- some pearls of wisdom from the she-wolf herself:

if you have to ask if you should leave; you already know the answer. You don’t need someone else to validate you. It’s your damn life.

If things haven’t changed by now, they won’t. Ever.

If you want to put up with the same shit day in, day out, then why are we even having this conversation?!

No-one is coming to save you, so stop being such a sook and get your shit together.

A man won’t fix your problems. Stop waiting for a knight in shining armour, because they’re all fucking retards wrapped in tin foil.

A vibrator might not take out the trash or hug you, but it won’t cheat, lie or ruin your life either.

If you don’t even respect/love/want/ care for yourself, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to, either.

It’s ok to just cut people off without saying goodbye.

If you have to seek validation from other men by way of things like lingerie selfies/ videos, because your man isn’t appreciating you as much as you’d like, then you really need to ask yourself if you should be marrying him.

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.

The grass may look greener in the other side, but it’s likely going to be fertilised with the same shit.

If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you
Don’t listen to your heart, because your heart is a fucking idiot. Listen to your brain and your gut. They have more sense.

Here is the link to this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/246

guest blogger honest unfiltered advice

I’ve said it before that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you, something I’m still working on!

Origin #9

After three full days of not talking to Origin, I finally stop crying & feeling like the world is ending. At this point, I still don’t believe that I am going to have a relationship ever again (not that this was a relationship) but I am at least not crying.

As I sit in the bath one afternoon with a supreme hangover, I start thinking about what will happen when I drop his beanie back. What if he’s out the front doing gardening & we talk & I explain better in real life what I want? What if he sees me through the window & comes running out to tell me he made a mistake? What if I knock on the door, rather than being a pansy & dropping it in his letter box & then he’ll invite me in & we’ll talk properly about what we both want? If he’s out, then once he gets home, he’ll text me to tell me that he was wrong & wants to keep seeing me & can give me more of what I want. These romantic comedy scenarios make me realise that I have to drop this beanie back ASAP.

I drive to his house, my heart pounding like a drum, his car is in the driveway but I just pop it into his letterbox & drive off, secretly hoping that he’ll text me while I’m on the way home. It’s a Saturday so there’s no reason for him to check his letter box but I hope that he saw me through the window.

I obsess over it for a few hours, maybe I should let him know it’s there then I can let go. I am in two minds; I want to see if he’ll text me but I also want to text. I just decide that because I ended it then he probably won’t want to text me, because he’ll think I won’t want to hear from him. So I send a text, he responds quickly saying thanks & that I’m a legend. Should I respond to that or just leave it at that? I respond! Not waiting to end this with him… I say thanks for letting me borrow it with a winkey face. He replies anytime with a sad face. Could he be just as sad about us ending whatever we we’re doing?

I decide to put it out there, I respond saying that I’ve really missed texting him this week & he agrees, when I say really, he says ‘yeah sure, I think you’re a top chick, I just can’t commit at the moment,’ he says he’s a straight shooter but missing hanging out with me but doesn’t want to hurt me. I say that right now I’m not looking for a full on commitment, let’s face it, it’s only been 2 months, but I need to just go out on dates & know that it could be more in the future. He says that’s cool, he’s a bit of a homebody but he understands. (He is SO not a homebody, Like what?! He’s been out like everyday/night since we met!) I explain what I ended with Milky, the 5 months of hanging at our houses & feeling like a sex toy & how I felt like that was the path we were heading down. He says that’s fair enough & I ask him if he still wants to see me. He says yes & that I’m tops, if he hadn’t just been in a relationship for so long then he’d ask me out but he doesn’t know what he wants. I say I understand where his heads at & that I appreciate his honesty but I don’t want to stop seeing him, I think he’s hilarious & I ask if he still wants to see me. He agrees to catch up, I’m sitting at home & so I invite him over, he says he’s down at Glenelg having a few beers (Uh what, his car was in his driveway? & he’s texting me back while out?! Homebody, my ass!!) but maybe tomorrow. He says he’ll cancel catching up with his friends & come to see me. I said he didn’t have to cancel but would like to see him. He says he’ll message me in the morning.

Origin #9

Am I really doing this? Is this a good idea? I figure that this is not over for me yet & I realise over the last three days that I have always given up on men. If they don’t chase me, then I don’t even bother… I’ve probably got some stories in this blog of guys who I gave up on who actually liked me but the timing wasn’t right. Let’s hope this works out in my favour, but I am trying not to overthink & wonder where he is when he says he’s out having a few beers. Surely he wouldn’t be texting me if he’s on a date? Although Milky used me as an excuse to leave his date. I’m not sure rekindling this is a good idea, but I have to try… Don’t I?

Guest Blogger: Collection

I literally laughed out loud when I read these. I love it.

Thank you to She-Wolf for allowing me to share her stories with you!

Collection

Below are a collection of my funnier sexcapades.

These are the stories my girlfriends snicker over. I still do too.

Sex should be an enjoyable experience. It should be memorable.

If anything, I hope these stories give you a belly-laugh, and make you think “thank god that’s not me”…

1. Overexcited

This guy I met walking home. He kept lapping past me, beeping his horn to get my attention. He finally realized that I wouldn’t respond to cat-calling and showboating, and decided to pull over to talk to me.

He was a little older than me, with beautiful Mediterranean features and a hint of an accent. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. These days, I wouldnt; but back then I was young and stupid.

We met a few times and on about the 3rd date we actually kissed. It wasn’t great. Too much tongue. Kissing can be taught though, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next time we met, we went for a drive. In broad daylight. He took me to a local parking spot in the middle of the afternoon. I knew what he was thinking and I knew I wasn’t up for being an exhibitionist.

He started to kiss me- thankfully, he’d taken my hints and his technique was much improved. That little kiss did way more for him than it did for me. He grabbed my hand and stuffed it down the front of his shorts, while exclaiming “see! You’ve got me all excited!”… to which I replied “you’re really not doing anything for me today; can you take me home now?!” I’ve never seen an erection deflate so fast!

2. Broke-Dick

I have known this guy basically my whole life; he’s a family friend.

We ran into each other when we were all grown up and hadn’t seen each other in years. After too much vodka and not enough thought, we bundled into a cab and went back to his place.

Initially; it wasn’t so bad. I knew him, even though I had never been this intimate with him before, so I was less hung-up than I’d normally be.

We decided to play with the handcuffs he had- which was a lot of fun. He was really physically strong, so moved me about however he liked (which I enjoyed).

After a few thrusts, we both felt a bit of pain. I told him he wasn’t doing it right. But he shook it off and tried to continue.

By now, he was really feeling sore and couldn’t work out why. He pulled out, and that’s when he saw it: blood.

Naturally; his first instinct was to ask if it was mine. It wasn’t. When he realized the bleeding was coming from him, he let out an almighty girl-scream and ran through the house naked, waking his housemates in the process.

He ran a shower and as the warm water lashed at his ripped frenulum, he screamed anew.

I’d managed to get loose of the cuffs and get changed to go check on him.

His housemates burst into fits of laughter when they realized what had happened and started chanting “broke-dick”. The name has stuck.

3. Banana-bender

I met this next one online. We had a really lovely date (anything with messina makes me happy) and there was a lot of chemistry.

He’d been in some kind of fitness competition and really badly hurt himself. I graciously offered him a massage. He accepted my offer, even though I told him that this wasn’t going to be one of those massages like in porn.

There will be no happy endings here!

Pfft! That bit of wishful thinking didn’t last long. I can’t help myself, after all.

When he pulled it out for me to look at, I had to choke back my laughter with a fake cough; it was literally so bent I bet he could pee around a corner! No joke- it’s basically a right angle.

Yes; we somehow managed to do the deed. Yes; it felt really weird. But surprisingly not that bad. A little bit of a quick-draw, but flawless technique.

4. The Thrill of Brazil

I’d been on a really lovely date with this guy. Date number two was at my place; I was cooking.

Naturally, the privacy of my home gave us both other ideas. He’d said to me that he was “very dominant” and that he wanted to do something “special” with me.

As we started to get into it, he took out his “python”- the name he gave to it (really, it was not bigger in overall dimensions than a pork sausage- delusions of grandeur, perhaps?!) And proceeded to basically rub the tip of it over my face, like he was drawing an invisible mask of zorro on me, or performing some kind of weird blessing.

As he did this, he repeatedly whispered the word “special” to me. I was literally too stunned to move; face screwed up in a curious mix of distaste and disbelief.

I mean, come on! Who the hell does that in real life and finds it erotic?!

The python spat too early and he was so embarrassed about his performance that I haven’t heard from him since.

5. The Convict

I met him after a work party that I ditched in order to go party at a strip club instead.

One of his friends mistook me for an escort and tried to worm his hand up my skirt. The slap to the face I gave him made him see otherwise.

My convict called me over to him to apologize for his friends behavior and make sure that I was ok. He and I spent the rest of the night together- drinking, dancing and getting to know one another.

He propositioned me and I accepted. He had the bad – boy look. I didn’t think twice.

After a marathon round of gymnastic Sex , I said goodbye and he swore up one side and down another that he’d call me.

I was pretty “whatever” about it. But to my immense surprise, he did!

Though he would only call me on Wednesdays. And he’d flat out text and call me on weekends, trying to arrange to see me again.

It wasn’t until sometime later, when I questioned the pattern and asked him if he was secretly married or something that he finally admitted to me the truth- he was on weekend release from jail and gets a phone call every Wednesday.

Soon after this, he got into some more trouble and his weekend release was discontinued. I never heard from him again.

6. The ANZAC Day Punter

Let it be known that the wine they serve in RSL clubs played a massive part in this bad decision.

We met around the two-up table. I won most of his money. He kept betting with me to try and win it back, but also to have a reason to stay close to me.

By the end of the night I was well past the point of making a good decision. To drunk me, he was at least a solid 8/10, with short, curly hair, broad shoulders and kind eyes.

I dragged him home and had my way with him, apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

The next morning I woke up with a raging, head-splitting hangover… and a foreign arm draped across me. I carefully peeked over my shoulder to see what I’d done and threw up in my mouth a little. My 8/10 in the harsh light of day was barely a 2.

I sent my mum a message and asked her who he was. She said I apparently really liked him. I told her she was awful for letting him take me home.

I made him a coffee, then feigned a busy day ahead to force him to leave. I thought that’d be the end of it.

I was so wrong.

About 3 months later, I was in bed asleep; blissfully unaware that someone was calling my name from the front yard.

Yes- it was him.

The noise woke my mum though; so she went to investigate. And, in a move so awful I can only describe it as a lesser form of child abuse, she let him in and woke me up to speak to him.

He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was in love with me. I tried to mask my distaste as i told him there was someone else in my life (there wasn’t) and asked if he could get home ok.

He said he couldn’t, and suggested to sleep in my bed with me. I gave him two options; my lounge, or my lawn.

Thankfully; he had left by the time I woke up.

7. The Pro Soccer Player

We met in a nightclub and he wouldn’t let me go from the moment he came and introduced himself to me.

He was really sweet; a genuinely lovely guy. He was really humble, and was polite to everyone who came to speak to him that recognized him. That kindness impressed upon me.

We went back to my place and got stuck into it. Mum was supposed to be staying at her mates place that night, so I figured I’d have the place to myself. Midway through, I thought I heard the lock turn on the front door, but I wasn’t 100%, so I just kept going, until mum flicked on my bedroom light and screamed in shock.

I did plenty of screaming myself (“Mum! Close the door! ”). The mood was instantly killed. And I sent him packing through the back door.

Clearly, mum recognized him.

She had told her friends, too.

Who were all waiting to greet me in the morning with a Mexican wave, screaming “goal” and singing “ole! Ole! Ole!” at me.

It took a few weeks for that incident to die down.

She-Wolf xx

Yep, I got a big chuckle at the office when I read these on my lunch break! Hahaha…

For those wanting to read, here is the link for She-Wolf’s blog.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/33

Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

Pick a topic
- Choose a topic you’re passionate about
- Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
- Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
- Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
Pick a blog name
- Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
- Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
- Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
- Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
- I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
Find a site that can host your blog
- I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
- Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
Keep entries short
- I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
- People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
Post blog content regularly
- At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
- People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
- Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
Don’t start posting too soon
- I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
Know your audience
- You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
Plan, Plan, Plan
- Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
- Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
Schedule your posts
- I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
- I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
Don’t post too often
- People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
Advertise your blog
- Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
- Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!

Guest Blogger: April Fools

This comes from the same guest blogger who wrote Rug. This story is very familiar!

Thanks for sharing with us again!

April Fools

So, this is about a first date, not all that remarkable in terms of where we met or how, but it’s one that is firmly burned into my memory banks with the chemistry that we shared and for the journey that followed.

It started with a somewhat tentative swipe right based on an intriguing bio (switch, BDSM, kink, all of which I had no idea about at the time). And he was hot, really, really hot. We chat and we click and it’s fun and easy so we arrange a date for two days later. We both had plans with friends but agreed to meet later in the evening after we’d caught up with our friends properly and it would be fine to cross mingle.

We meet at a bar, I saw him approaching and we just locked eyes and smiled. We hug, grab a drink and head to the dance floor. It’s immediate chemistry. I announce I’m hungry after dancing and chatting for a bit and he disappears leaving me with his friend and my girlfriend. He reappears 5 minutes later with a sneaky cheeseburger, which is a semi drunk girls best friend. I was smitten.

Our friends all slowly disappear and we’re left on own own. Still hungry, we go have some blueberry pancakes and chat and laugh and flirt away for an hour or so. We leave, I insist on a piggy back ride, he happily obliges and we run off looking for a cab. In the interests of full disclosure I advise that I’m at the end of my period but I’d like him to come home with me anyway. He’s in and we’re off back to my place. I do love a man that’s not scared of the female body in all its sometimes gory glory.

It’s hot, primal and accepting. We get back to mine and it’s on, there’s kissing and more kissing and not tentative boring kissing, but really good, passionate hard kissing. The kind that leads to clothes coming off and being literally thrown down on the bed and being masterly attended to. He starts with finger fucking me in a way I never have been and I squirt and cum all over the place (note… I did not know what squirting was or what was happening at the time… but hey it felt good). I lost all inhibition that night and got absolutely lost in the moment. He’s clearly enjoying the experience and fucks me hard and well (and yes there was momentary pausing for condom action, because I’m not completely mad and nor was he).

when-you-refuse-to-see-the-bad-in-him-because-33088105

After all was said and done, I slept like a well sated nymph. I awake to a gorgeous adonis entangled up in the sheets with me and a bed that looks like a raging storm has blown through. I may have also had a mild hangover… We breakfast on coffee, tea and tiny teddy biscuits as I’m not by any stretch a chef or home maker. I drop him home and kiss him and say see you later friend. I did see him later, again and again for six months and it was a journey, my own personal sexual awakening. It was one I went into with my eyes wide open, knowing that it would lead to heartbreak (mine). But I’d do it all over again (and again).

Where do these people go after an experience like that? Why do they disappear? I don’t get it!

I wonder if we’ll get another installment? I don’t think this story is over!

Guest Blogger: The Blown Match

Well this reminds me of We’re fucked before, in a way. Casual tinder dates are fun, until someone is blown away! hahaha.

The Blown Match

This is the story of another really regrettable tinder hook-up. The chatting and the banter was excellent. He was funny, playful and engaging. He was pretty cute in his pictures (he photographs well; in real life, I wasn’t as into him). I agreed to a sneaky lunch time quickie at my place, as we were both really time poor.

He wanted the porn-star experience: full makeup, lingerie, heels- the whole bit. In return, I was going to get banged like a barn door in a hurricane. He’d dropped some dick pics, and I was seriously questioning how it was going to fit. He was roughly the dimensions of a large sweet potato. I pre-gamed some painkillers just in case.

His finger-work was rough and unskilled. For someone who works with his hands, I expected a little more dexterity. Id already lubed up, so just wanted to get stuck in. He barely managed to get the tip in, before pulling out and spraying me from neck to belly-button in baby gravy.

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I laid there, stunned. His after etiquette left much to be desired. He didn’t offer to get me a towel/ something to clean his mess up. He didn’t offer to do anything to make it enjoyable for me. He mumbled some vague comments about how into it he was and that “this has never happened before”- you can hear my eyes rolling as I write this. He got up and left. I was relieved.

He at least stuck to my rules- no mouth kissing, no cuddling after, no sleepovers. The only good thing about this encounter is that he missed my hair and face with his premature gush of goo.

Miss Slut xx

Seriously, I don’t understand men. Can someone please explain?!

Boyfriend #3

Boyfriend & I had been “seeing” each other for a few weeks, messaging & seeing each other, not really knowing where we’re at or what we’re doing, but he asked me to his house to cook me dinner. No guy had ever cooked me dinner. I remember the store manager of our store laughing his head off when he asked what he made for me – toasties. Boyfriend only had one dish he ever made, which was a satay chicken noodles, I don’t remember him cooking anything other than that or a BBQ in the whole time we were together.

At a new years eve party the same friend that snatched my phone to text him on my behalf asks me what were doing, implying are e boyfriend/girlfriend. I say I don’t know we haven’t had the talk. So she decides to ask him. Rightio! He says I’m his girlfriend & when she tells me, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. However weirdly he & I never talk about it. We’re just a couple from then on.

That’s also the first night he stays at my house. I remember it because he’s the first guy to ever stay over at my house, in my bed. But I get up really early to sneak him out being I haven’t asked my parents or even told them – my parents are pretty cool but not sure about having boys over. But my dad is a early riser & is up playing the computer, fuck! I have to introduce him to dad at 5:00 am. I remember dads first words to him were “your mother will be angry she didn’t get to meet him” righto dad! Hahaha.

Shortly into the new year, boyfriend tells me that he’s moving house as he’s been kicked out of his unit & he’s moving in with friends to save money. Ok so a share house isn’t too bad. But when I ask who, it takes him ages to tell me that it’s his ex girlfriend. Right so my new boyfriend is moving in with his ex, who I’m pretty sure is still in love with him. I’m not happy but what can I do? I mean we’ve only been together officially for a short time & I certainly don’t want to live with him so I don’t say much.

It’s all pretty uneventful from what I remember, I realise that his ex girlfriend does still love him, even though she has a boyfriend. & his sister who I thought liked me seems to hate me. I pester him to buy a new bedroom suite, as we’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. But it’s a pretty normal, boring relationship. (if I was writing at the time, I may have loads of blog posts but it was over 12 years ago now.)

Around my birthday my uncle was planning his wedding in Vietnam, of course I jump at the chance to go to Vietnam & ask Boyfriend to come too. I find it super cute when he goes out & buys the same RipCurl bag that I have so we’re matching, without me knowing. We fly out on my birthday, Boyfriend says that he’s planned something for when I get back but for now the trip is my present (The trip I paid for myself & he paid for himself?! Yeah ok) I never get a present from him that year & the next year we’ve bought our house & he buys me slippers & a fruit bowl… Men wonder why women change when they settled down, he was making me an old lady. Who buys a 25 year old slippers & a fruit bowl? Hahaha.

Anyway when we were in Vietnam, right after we have afternoon sex, I tell him that I think I love him & he says “yeah I think maybe I do too.” I get up & cry in the bathroom thinking I’m an idiot for saying it & that I’m unlovable.

We get back from Vietnam, something happens, we snap & almost break up, probably due to the L word infesting the relationship. I remember meeting him at a lookout park during the day & he leaves me there when he says we’re over. I cry & message him to go to his house, which I do & we work through it. Weirdly, that’s also the first day I meet his parents. (they live out in the country, not in Adelaide)

Next Christmas & new years come, he’s still living with the ex, though cracks are starting to show. Before the lease is up, she moves out seemly because she’s not going to win him back like she thought she might. I don’t know why. But she takes the fridge & washing machine, which we’re hers so I use the money I was saving for my working holiday to Canada to buy a fridge & a washing machine for us at his place. Yet I never officially move in with him.

Guest Blogger: Rug

Another guest blogger has decided to share some stories with me too. I love that you are all not leaving me out here on my own! Thank you for that.

I like to post the ones that aren’t similar to any of my stories & this is definitely one of those!

-So Enjoy!

Rug

A few years ago I met this guy online, not on tinder, some other site I can’t remember. I’d consciously decided to try dating guys outside of my usual type… cos that hadn’t really been working out for me so well (hot, unemployed and practically homeless). So this guy had a job (tick), a house (tick) and was funny (tick), he was also pretty short and a bit squishy. We had good banter so we went on a few dates which went well.

At about date 4, I think, he invites me and my dog over for dinner. He can cook (tick) and he also has a dog (tick). Anyway, his dog is one of those rampant humpers and he went absolutely bananas over my dog, it was hilarious. My dog is a clueless asexual galloot and is just running around like a loon with his hornbag dog in hot pursuit.

My belly was sore from laughing (not just at the dogs) so we, the humans, retired inside with a glass of wine on the couch and he makes a really cheesy manoeuvre for a first kiss (think yawn and stretch), it’s nice and we progress to his bedroom. He is a bit of a watcher so he starts playing with himself while I get naked and we’re fooling around and it’s fun. We start the old P in V action and then he screams, really screams, in agony, I try to work out what’s wrong and he advises he’s got a detached or travelling ball which has decided to jump up into his body cavity not in the cosy scrotum where it should be, he insists on continuing and doesn’t withdraw but continues grimacing. Bit of a masochist maybe.

Anyway, I clamber off after bit and just play with his cock until his ball resumes a better location. We start again and I’m grabbing his arse to pull him in hard and then in the moment I grabbed his hair gently to push his head up. He freaks out and grabs his head and runs to the bathroom. I’m completely confused and it turns out I had dislodged his toupee/hair piece thing that I didn’t know wasn’t real hair. (I don’t need my eyes checked, it was really good, completely real looking).

Rug

He’s totally soft at this point and embarrassed and returns with a beanie on his head and turns the lamp off. I ask him about the hair trying to reassure him that being bald is fine and he tells me he had an accident when he was younger and he got partially scalped and there’s some ugly scarring. I figure that’s fair enough but my bullshit detector is ringing a bit, but who knows! He’s feeling pretty vulnerable so we end up getting back into it and he finishes with the beanie in place and my hands firmly pinned to the bed.

Funniest, weirdest most awkward interlude I’d had for a while…
I think we had one more date, I spent half of it looking at his hair when he wasn’t looking. The hair wasn’t the killer for me though he had some other quirks I wasn’t too keen on, so that was that!

WOW, I don’t think I’ll be able to not look at guys hair now & wonder!

Guest Blogger: Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll

Another story for you from my guest blogger friend, I can’t say this has ever happened to me.

Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll

(aka Woodwork Booty Call Weekend)

Ok.
So the title doesn’t sound great hey? It’s actually one my regrets in my single life… It isn’t indicative of who I am as a person.
On one hand, the guys would say “Fuck Yeah” and from a female point of view, typical bloke.
Just to be clear, no drugs, not much rock n roll, shit load of sex.
So this is in between “The One” and “the Animal” for those keeping up. And yes I’m going backwards…
So after “The one” had crushed my heart, I was in need of a weekend to forget about it for a bit, all my friends had other plans on my kids free weekend, so, stuff it… I’m a confident guy that can just do this shit himself, let’s get smashed and see what I can pick up (cause you know, random sex makes you feel better!)
So, it’s Friday afternoon, thinking of just hitting City, the Union possibly, maybe Hindley st, who knows, who cares!
Random messenger text… Now I know this happens to the girls a fair bit, generally not blokes… Message from BC2 (booty call 2)
Have not heard from BC2 for 6 months… last I heard she meet a guy not long after me….
“Hey! How are you? Thought of you the other day, and how long it’s been since we caught up. How’s things? Are you seeing anyone?”
So the explanation comes if not a great experience recently and that this weekend is all about me…
“Oh no…you need some cheering up, how about we do coffees tomorrow morning after gym?”
Yeah fuck it, why not, she’s fit, super hot, and well… the sex was great, and she’s a nice girl. Play my cards right…
“Done”
About a hour later….
“Hey!”
BC3… 9 months since I’ve seen her…
“Saturday catch up? Been ages”
“Yep, how does lunch sound?”
“Awesome see you then!”
Ok, BC3… running chick, own business, funny, attractive… fuck… might get two in a day…
In very quick succession (because I’ll condense all this!)
BC4
BC5
BC6

Similar messages, same reaction… stuff it, why not? The common theme here? All from 6 months to 12 months since we had been on a date… and sad to say, hadn’t worked out, yet after two three dates had slept with all of them. So you just never know, could come to something… yet ladies and gentleman, my mind was just on sex. Nothing else. And where was theirs? Well… you guessed it.
You may be asking where’s BC1? That’s coming!! (or did… anyway!)
So with a heap of dates set(?), the last three set for Saturday night, and Sunday Brunch and a Sunday afternoon drink… away we go. 5:00 pm hits, and into town I head…
Waymouth St. Beer and Vodka. Normal crowd building by 9:00 pm, chatting to some random people, couple I know, a few really pissed guys in suits… that’s keeping me entertained for sure.
9.30 pm… order a Vodka lime and soda…
A tall, blonde lady catches the eye… I know that girl?
Walks in with a guy… shit, that sucks.
Alcohol fuzziness eludes me of the name…
Uh huh! Got it! BC1…
Shit! Been 18 months at least… must be kid free… fuck it… have to say Hi, that one night… hot.
Wander over as she is standing at bar…
“Hey there Miss, can I buy you a drink? Grenache perhaps?”
OMG… get the biggest “Hey” I’ve ever had.. Awesome! In!
Pleasantries completed, drinks ordered, life story of last 18 months talked over…
Guy she was with kept trying to butt in, eventually introduced as a guy she meet down the road… yeah whatever.
Conversation continues, more drinks added.
“Cmon, come to the dance floor”
“What about the guy?”
“Oh my dear, you’re hotter, so shit your arse out there “
Uh huh! Bingo! Dressing well works! (By the way… he was in some weird cotton t-shirt that didn’t look like it had been washed at all, shit denim jeans and some really bad flip flop things… Chinos and shirt all the way!)
Ok… dancing… gets closer… then kissing… then hands moving freely…
More drinks
More dancing (by this time the guy had worked it out, and left)
BC1 “I’m ready to go home, no more for me”
“Ok, I’ll come out and wait for the taxi with you”
“Naaw, sweet”
Stumble out, bundle lovely lady into a taxi… not gracefully mind you, and considering she had a one piece black, shirt dress on and heels, didn’t leave a great deal to imagination when she couldn’t get in!
“Shit!, my knickers are showing!” yeah, not shit! Anyway…
In she gets… lean in to kiss good bye (thinking stuff it, I may as well just jump in)
“Are you coming or not?” (Not yet I’m not LOL!)
“Yep”
The usual back of taxi antics, and yes, he would have been privy to a almost poem style show… wait for it…
Arrive at her address…
Me… ”Nice house!”
“Just moved here… it needs christening!”
Happy friggin days!
Now, this whole time, I had actually had flashbacks to the “One”, however not now… I’m about to fuck a super hot blonde…
Taxi takes off…
“I left my knickers in the taxi!!!!!” She cries
Doh… ah well….
In we go….
Clothes of in the hallway, you can guess the rest… thank god she had the condom supplies… needed 3.
(Please remember this is all pretty condensed)
Sleep time… spooning… all that nice stuff we all miss.

5:00 am…. beep beep beep

Alarm…. are fucking serious? 5:00 am!!!!!!!

“WTF is the alarm going off for????”

BC1 “Oh, it’s gym time”

WTF? I love my gym, seriously? 5:00 am on a Saturday? Guess to have the hot bod, got to the work! (Don’t I know it!)

“You can sleep though, in fact don’t think I’ll go”

Fall back to sleep… all good right? Might get some morning action?

Wake at 8:00 am… hungover, shagged out, tired.

Roll over… WTF. She’s not there… maybe she’s up already. Walk out to kitchen. Nope. Toilet. Nope.

Note on Kettle.

‘Make yourself a coffee, use the pods, I’ve gone to gym. Just pull front door closed when you leave, I won’t be back until this afternoon. Great to see you again. May run into again sometime. Had a great night as always spunky man. xxxxx’

What???? She has left me here by myself! WOW! Ok.

Coffee done. Felt really weird cause it wasn’t my house… anyway, washed up, got dressed and walked outside.

Pretty sure I was still pissed, and needed a way to get home, yet didn’t want to spend a fortune on a taxi or Uber.

Shit. I’ll call my mate and see if he will come and get me…

“Hey mate, Where is this suburb in relevance to the city? And can come and get me so I can get my car?”

“Sweet Jesus dickhead, that’s like halfway across the state!”

Google maps…. holy shit! Don’t remember the taxi ride being that long!

“See you in 45, you can tell me the rest when I get there”

Cheers mate! Love your work…

Mate arrives… story told… as is the rest of the weekend planned…

His reply “I bet you won’t fuck all of them, and if you do I will laugh”

Challenge accepted….

His last piece of advice… which is very true…

“You know if you do this though, it won’t bring her back to you, and it won’t help with the hurt, you need to process it before you start doing anything else… you will regret this in the end”

Yeah whatever, I’m not listening, not interested… I’m hungover, need a shower, and need to get my arse to the eastern suburbs for my coffee catch up…

Those words from my best mate… still hear them, and he was right. Didn’t make it better… yet I wasn’t in mindset to listen…

On we go to coffee catch up with BC2… and possibility of more sex…

Very interesting advice from his friend! Definitely agree.

Also who leaves a guy in their house that they don’t know to go to the gym?

Why Are You Single?

One thing I get a lot, not necessarily from single men, but from all my friends, colleagues is ‘Why are you single?’ & then they proceed to list your qualities on their fingers, usually no more than five but at least three things that they like about you, that they think men are looking for in you & while you agree with the qualities they’ll list, you know that generally these aren’t the reasons why you are single.

So why am I single? I own my own home & have done for more than a decade, I hold steady job where I am quite successful & passionate, I am very well-traveled including having lived overseas in my mid-twenties, I am smart, I am funny & love to laugh, I don’t think I’m hideous to look at (though you may never know the answer to that!), I have a wide variety of interests – now including sport & recreation activities or music/comedy gigs, I don’t have kids & never been married so have no baggage & I love to go out but also love to stay in.

So what is it about me that people love to chat to me online & will say how perfect I am & how much they can’t wait to meet me, then when we meet, there is something that changes for them. They either say ‘do you want to catch up again’ I say yes but may never see them again. Or they leave after one hour & say there was no chemistry for them.

Why are you single

I honestly don’t know what it is & the more good dates I go on with a bad ending the more jaded I get & the harder it is for me to let someone in. I think that’s what scares me the most, is that now I am too damaged, to be a girlfriend. I mean I say I don’t have baggage because I don’t have an ex hanging around or kids but I might have even worse baggage that those ladies (at least their baggage is out in the open, mine is hidden so that I don’t even see it & am only really coming to terms with it).

So I’m trying a new thing, dating a guy from online that I may not think is that good looking or that I am that into. By trying other things as well, when a friend suggests to set me up, I am going to go. If nothing else happens with these men that I’m not attracted to, I’m sure there will be a blog post out of it.

So that’s what I’m trying to move forward doing, being more open! It seems good in theory but I’m not sure that it’s going to be good in practice, because usually what will happen for me (I’m sure you’ve all experienced this) is that a guy you’ve gone on a date with that you aren’t really that attracted to, is the one that finds you amazing, your friends will say give him a go, so you’ll go on a few boring dates, he’ll get attached, perhaps a little needy & turn you off. Then once you end things with him your friends will say “you’re so picky.” Well I don’t want to settle with someone & if there are alarm bells in the first few weeks, I don’t think those alarm bells go away just because you give the guy a go.

So perhaps my friends are right, I am too picky but I’m like Carrie Bradshaw, I’m looking for inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.

Follow Me Everywhere!

My blog is becoming a bit of a hit. hahaha…

I’m so thankful to everyone for reading & getting involved…

The easiest way to follow my new content is by liking my facebook page.

For new readers, Welcome! Scroll to the bottom & work your way up. Otherwise it might not make a lot of sense!

So come find me on the other social media platforms – I’m on Facebook (extra content with status updates daily), Instagram or WordPress (which is via your email).

Also contact me for longer queries at Ivebeendatingforyou@outlook.com.au

Thank you once again for reading, sharing, liking & sending me messages. I love it!

Guest Blogger: Sex On The Beach

Another one from my guest blogger & fellow blogger. Anyone remember MIA Undies? Kinda seems like I’m not 100% alone, except maybe for the loosing my undies part. Hahaha.

https://thatsmisssluttoyou.tumblr.com/post/156481092063/sex-on-the-beach

Sand paper condom! Oh god, that brings back memories.

The link to her new FB page to follow her is – https://m.facebook.com/The-Secret-Diary-of-a-She-Wolf-421003095109070/?ref=bookmarks

Thanks again for sharing. This is exactly why I started blogging. So I know I am not alone!

Boyfriend #2

I haven’t ever really talked a lot about my one & only real relationship that I’ve had with Boyfriend. So I’ll give you a little insight to what our relationship was (over a few blog posts – spoiler alert – no cliff hangers on these ones, because you already know we broke up!) & there are some things about our relationship that may help you understand why I maybe like I am, or maybe it’ll just confuse you more.

Boyfriend & I met at work, which was a supermarket, I was probably around 21 at the time, him a couple of years older. He was the new night fill manager & I had worked at the store for a few years & was recently promoted to the assistant deli manager. When he started, he had a girlfriend but I thought he was cute. Our paths always crossed on nights out with work people – which was quite often being in our early 20’s, plus we went to Big Day Out (the festival that is no longer) & always chatted at work.

After he broke up with his girlfriend, we were both given the opportunity to do a in-house retail management course, which meant that we studied together once a week with other employees from the company. I hoped to sit next to him because I knew him but still didn’t think there was anything there.

We swapped numbers to so we could contact each other about the course, I remember being in Sydney with my sister when he first start talking to me via text asking me a really dumb question (which I find out later was just a way to start the conversation with me). We text a bit – this was also when texting wasn’t unlimited so we didn’t just text all day, however it was a lot, especially at 30 cents a pop!

I remember feeling like a teenager when I was out one evening with friends, I think at the Christmas carols in the park when he was messaging me. This was before people were always looking at their phones & had them on silent, so it kept beeping, my friend snatched my phone off me & started replying for me. How mortifying!

Around this time too, I realised when I was on late nights, every time he would come to the deli to get his hot dinner & I surprised myself by always giving him a cheaper price on all the left over crap that was in the hot food counter.

I went to Fiji with a friend & met Swiss, then when I came back, all the work people went out one weekend & I remember being really drunk & telling him how I didn’t want a boyfriend & I was happy being a single 22 year old. We end up back at his house, I’m not sure how or why I went to his place at Magill, miles away from where I live with my parents. Nothing happened, we both just feel asleep on separate couches.

The following weekend, I’m at a family event. I am tipsy & am thinking of him. I send him a text “I’ve got the hiccups” next minute I have texted him the address of my uncles & he comes to pick me up. My aunty decides that she’s going to go talk to him in the driveway, again I am mortified, this guy is going to be scared off by my family! We go to his place, then to a bar for some drinks (like I need any) then back to his house. This is where he kisses me. I have sex with him on the first official date (just him & I), but I figure that we’ve been friends for ages & basically been on heaps of dates, have been messaging back & forth. I realise that I really like him & I hope that I’m not just a root for him.

Later I asked Boyfriend when he started to like me, because I wanted to know who liked who first. He said he started to like me after Big Day Out (we all went as a group) but I didn’t start thinking about him until we were doing that course together in the middle of the year. I guess it is feasible that a guy would like me before I liked him!

Woody

Reactivating my account, I get more likes than I ever have before, I chat to an electrician guy who asks if I’m free to catch up. He looks alright on his profile & we’ve chatted a fair bit so I think why not, what could it hurt. If worse comes to worse, then it’s just a good story for my blog!

He suggests the worst local pub near my house to catch up & I immediately say no & suggest one that has just been done up, so we decide to meet there. I walk in & don’t see him straight away so I go to the bar to get a wine so I turn around he’s at the other end of the bar so I walk up to him & say hello. He’s pretty much like his pictures but in real life he reminds me so much of Cruise & I am kinda not really attracted to him.

The drink goes well, I talk a lot which is what I do when they are quiet & I make him laugh a lot but he doesn’t really make me laugh at all. It’s easy for me when I don’t find them that attractive to be the person I am, not the shy person that guys I like see which is probably why the men I don’t like get to see the real me & actually want to see me again.

We have a couple of drinks but it’s so windy & cold that we decide to go, he walks me halfway to my car & asks if I want to catch up again, which I say yes, then he says he’ll hug me goodbye & I kinda do an awkward kiss on the cheek at the same time, not really thinking & so we kinda leave awkwardly as I didn’t actually kiss his cheek. SUPER!

I get home & minutes later there is a message on the app from him saying hey cutie, thanks for tonight, here is my number, hope we can catch up again. Why when things go ok with a guy, do I start thinking about Milky? We weren’t ever a coupe for fuck sake, he didn’t like me, he was short & lied about his age, why would I want to be with that? But I also thought about the Seacliff guy, I was actually really interested in him.

Woody

So I don’t want to lead on this guy by messaging him but I also don’t want to give up on something that could be good just because I like someone else who doesn’t like me at all. But I message him & a few weeks later after about 10 texts in total we arrange another date, coffee on a Saturday afternoon & possibly a walk.

We catch up for a coffee, he arrives & buys the coffees – Well hot choc for me as I don’t like coffee, we chat for a bit, it’s a little awkward & hasn’t gotten any better to be honest, there are a few silences which make me uncomfortable, when he finally says that the sun is in his eyes, we get up less than an hour later to go. We have an awkward goodbye & he says we should catch up again, I say the usual yeah, but don’t really mean it. I think he gets it too because I haven’t heard from him.

Another Irish

Well this Irish guy really should have made me feel worse than I did afterwards. I was actually glad that I had a few men texting me & chatting to online so that when one was gone, there was another to pick up the slack, so to speak!

We text a lot during the night about what I’m going to wear – which wasn’t anything too exciting. I figure if you want the best of me, then you need to treat me better than a ONS (one night stand). We also talk about what we are going to do when he gets to my house, the texting gets a little sexy.

He rocks up to my house, pushed me against the wall & kisses me hard & sexy, that I get turned on quickly, I lead him to the bedroom, he pushes me on the bed, takes off just my jeans, pulls down his pants & boxers, I can see how hard he is. He lays down next to me, kissing me passionately & running his hand up my leg before he says “I can’t do this” What? “‘Are you serious?” I ask. He says yes, but kisses me again but he stops & says “No I really can’t do this” OMG. “Really?” I ask & he said really & stood up to put on his boxers & pants. I pull on my jeans, thinking that this can’t really be happening. But he leaves my room, I walk him to the front door & he actually leaves.

This guy drove about an hour, just to kiss me for 5 minutes, gets hard & turns me on but then ‘can’t do it’? What is that about? Perhaps his girlfriend cheated on him so he thought he would be able to cheat on her but when he got here to do it, he couldn’t go through with it? or perhaps he wanted a one night stand & then couldn’t do it or wanted to cheat but decides that he can’t. I of course think it’s me, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m a bad kisser, all sorts of bad thoughts about myself.

052816 (1).png

I actually think he added me again about six months later, after things ended with Milky & we were chatting quite a bit, he was of course getting sexual in his chat when I finally just said, I am not looking for anything casual, FWB (Friends with benefits) or a hook up, he said it didn’t have to be a one night thing, but I just said I’m looking for something different & deleted him. Once I thought it was the guy who came to my house then left, I figured that I didn’t need to go there again!

DELETE< DELETE< DELETE!

Hockey Puck #3

Yeah this guy is still hanging around since the day I ended things with Milky. He texts me all the time, tells me how much he wants me, we try to set up a time to catch up but we never seem to get the time to catch up yet some how we sext a bit, I get sucked in it & always end up really turned on. It’s totally not what usually happens when someone sexts me, I usually think it’s a bit hilarious. But with Hockey Puck I seem to get caught up in it & actually really enjoy it. He seems to write exactly what I have pictured in my fantasies (even though he only knows a few tidbits) but he some how gets me to reciprocate.

One day while working away he said he wanted to get my panties wet while I was at work (I hate the word panties!) I was sitting in a board room, reading his texts while listening to someone babble on, but he was saying what he wanted to do to me under the table & I swear to god that I could of cum, if the meeting didn’t finish. I ended up going back to the hotel immediately (even though I didn’t have the time) & made him text me sexy things until I did cum. I didn’t think I had many firsts left regarding sex but it was the first time I was that wet from texts.

I ask him on the way home from my work trip if he wants to catch up this weekend, he says ‘we’ll make it happen’ I text him a few times on the Friday but then never hear from him again, until a week later on the Sunday saying how much he wants me. I respond with is ‘I am having déjà vu?’ I explain to his what that we’ve been here before, a few times, I’m getting over it, so he asks what I’m doing right now, (but I’ve also seen him come up on my dating profile & he’s looking for British girls as he’s moving to the UK in 2016.) he says he’s not moving for a while but I say that I can’t this weekend & I’m kinda getting over it.

2270095

We’ve had sex once & this has now been going on for almost two months with absolutely nothing but text messages, I just think that what is the point… I’m deciding to leave this one alone! Or will I? I don’t know, I say I am, but stay tuned because with me you never know what I might do since I’m a masochist, I can only assume that I will be quite happy to go back for more if he continues to text me. However I think that’s probably the last I will hear from this one, his cat is now out of the bag – him moving to the UK – & I have told him several times that I am not looking for anything casual now, I want more than that now.

UPDATE: He came up recently as a friend I may know on FB. I don’t know how but he did. I looked at his profile pic, with a chick. Assuming his girlfriend, while I’m still single. Lovely…

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