Tag: Beach

Erotica: Scene Four – Wake Up Call

Erotica fiction is here! I hope you’re all enjoying my fiction, or am I out here on my own with this? Let me know…

So here is instalment 4 of the erotica series, don’t forget to look back over Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call & Scene Three – His Orgasm.

Scene Four – Wake Up Call

It takes me a minute to realise we are at a party, I’m wearing a long backless black dress that he has picked out for me.
I know it is so he can touch my lower back as he guides me around the party with a wine in the other hand.
Every touch sends a shiver up my spine, I love the manly way he guides me around the party introducing me to people he knows, just with a touch of his hand to my lower back.
I sip my wine feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world, on the arm of a disgustingly handsome dominant man.
“You look sensational tonight”
He whispers in my ear & I melt like a teenager at the school dance.
I don’t think I can get a bigger smile on my face but then he pulls me in close to his side & kisses my forehead.
He knows what to do to make me instantly wet, there is no better feeling than a man kissing your forehead & with 50 of his friends close by, I feel so special that he is willing to have a PDA with me.
As we stand there he runs his fingers up my arm, I tingle & I want him, I am wet & I want him badly, I reach up to touch his hair but then I can’t move it back down, something isn’t right, his arm keeps touching my arm, across my neck, then I feel kisses on my neck, I try to move but I can’t, somehow I’m restrained.
I feel my nipple being sucked, I can’t work out why he would suck my nipples at a formal party, it’s not that kind of party, is it?
I try to move again, but I realise I am fully restrained & wet, so wet for him. So turned on.
I feel him lick my clit, then suck on it hard, that’s when I jolt up.
All I can move is my head a few inches off the bed, I’m spread eagled, my leg cuffs are attached on either side of the bed, I’m wide open for him.
My arm cuffs are attached above my head too, I look down between my legs & our eyes meet as he continues to suck on my clit.
I moan, throwing my head back on the bed, I was having a dream he was making me wet & in reality who knows how long he’s been going down on me.
I also don’t know how or why I didn’t wake up while he was tying me up, probably because I was so spent.052816 (16)I don’t even know what time it is but I know it’s not morning.
He licks all the way from my ass to my clit with a long flat slow tongue, but when he gets to my clit he just flicks it around making me squirm.
“Hmmm, you taste so good” his hands pinch my nipples “I want you to cum in my mouth”
“Yes sir”
“Good girl”
He slides his arms under my legs then links his fingers together over my hips, to rest on my lower belly, holding me still.
His torture intensifies, long slow licks paired with flicks over my clit then a suck, then he licks again, flicking over my clit then another suck, he continues this pattern over & over, I arch my back as far as I can, I start to build up as he quickens his actions.
“Please sir, can I cum for you?” my whole body is shaking.
“Yes”
But somehow he doesn’t stop licking but his words are clear
“Cum now”
I do as I’m told, hard & fast into his mouth, he never stops & my orgasm rolls on, my legs shake, my breathing so rapid that its the only thing I can hear.
I wonder when he is going to stop, I am convulsing on the bed with ecstasy, but he just keeps licking, I’m afraid I won’t stop cumming.
He slows down a little & my body regains some equilibrium, but it’s not long before he is building up speed again & my body is only too happy to oblige him.
“Cum now”
Somehow on command my body does, I cum, writhing against my restraints, wanting him to stop but also wanting him to keep going.
“Stop Sir, I can’t cum again”
He smiles against my wet folds, I know that this was the wrong thing to say.
He nuzzles his nose into my clit then slides two fingers inside me.
He finds my G spot easily & starts stroking me on the inside.
“Please, fuuuucccckkkk”
It’s not long before I am close to cumming, this time I know I will squirt.
I try to wriggle away, I’ve always been self conscious of squirting.
Something only one other man has been able to make me do, besides myself & he acted like it was unusual.
“Now, cum now”
As if on command, my body does & I squirt, cumming hard against his hand inside me, his palm on my clit making gentle circles
“Good wake up call?”
“Oh… My… God… Sir…” I say in between breaths “You… are… amazing…”
“You. Are. Amazing.”

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60

#IBD4U

Erotica: Scene Three – His Orgasm

Again, here is my fiction erotica. By now if you’re reading my blog, you can see why my imagination was running wild & why this became my porn.

These are the two previous posts that you may want to read first if you haven’t already: Scene one – Nipple Bells & Scene Two – Eight Spanks

Scene Three – His Orgasm

My knees are weak, my legs wobble underneath my body & I fear I’m not going to be able to stand anymore.
His strong arms hold me as he walks around me, to stand in front of me.
He’s hard, having not cum at all, yet I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cum in what feels like 10 minutes.
He looks me up & down, he can tell I am tired but I don’t think that will stop him.
His face says it all, it’s like he can’t get enough of me, he looks at me like he doesn’t want anyone else, he looks at me with such desire that I feel a shiver up my spine.
He smiles, knowing what he does to me, I smile back, wondering how this man has such an effect on me.

Erotica #3

He runs his fingers from my shoulders down my arms, I turn my head to watch his fingers tickle my sensitive skin & his fingers lace with mine.
He steps backwards pulling me with him, when his legs hit the bed, he sits down, standing me between his knees.
He lets go of my hands & his rest at the back of my knees, before running up the back of my legs to my ass where he moans, a deep, primal groan that lets me know all I need to know.
He grabs my ass, pulling me to sit on his lap.
I bend my knees, resting my hands on his shoulders.
He feathers soft kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, his hands caresses my ass as I start to wriggle in his lap.
One hand slips between us & between my legs to move my lace panties aside.
As soon as his fingers touch my clit I jolt, its so sensitive & I don’t think I can last long.

He lifts my hips up & holds his cock at my entrance, I want to take all of him but he just teases me, wetting himself so he can slide in.
I moan, tilting my head back & his mouth finds my waiting nipple, which he bites.
As I yelp while he slides my hips down so I am full of his cock.
I am ready to move, I am ready to make him cum, I want him to cum with me this time.
I start to kneel up on my knees so I can feel him pull out of me, but he holds my hips still.
He takes my hands from his shoulder which were giving me leverage to move on his cock, to my ankles.
I whimper knowing his is locking each wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs.
With his hands holding my hips still, I have to lean back to stay balanced, he starts to kiss my neck, I moan, he works down to my nipple where he sucks & then moves over to the other nipple until is standing to attention for him.
“Please, I need to move, I am going to cum”
I feel him smile against my nipple
“Baby, you are going to cum… & cum… & cum no matter what” his deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, how does he effect me so much?
“Pllllleeeeaaassseee” I’m begging like a child, trying to gyrate my hips in his lap, his hard cock deep inside me still.
He doesn’t stop sucking my nipples.
“I want you to cum this way”
“Oh fuck, sir can I cum?”
He smiles but doesn’t stop sucking my nipples
“You may cum when you need too”
I start to try to rock on my hips but he won’t let me move
“Please I need to move”
“You will cum like this” I moan, even though I think it’s impossible without some friction, my body betrays me & starts to build.
My breathing intensifies, short bursts, I try to pull my nipples out of his way but he pulls me closer so that my whole breast is pushed in his face.
I try to move my hands but its pointless, all it does is lift my ankles & push me into his face.
He laughs, yet still has a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard till it pops out his mouth with a sound.
He then sticks out his tongue and licks, quickly, up & down, making me huff & puff still completely unable to move but feeling every inch of him inside me.
I scream out with an orgasm that rips through me
“Fuuuuccckkkk”
“Ah thank fuck for that” he growls, without even knowing my hands are undone & I’m lying on the bed, still orgasming, my eyes going blurry…
He’s stoking his cock, hard, I know he’s close too, I can’t move I feel like I am still cumming
“Where do you want me to cum?” I moan, rolling my head from side to side
“Answer me” he snaps
“I want… I… want….” I can’t even get the words out, he can tell, so he rips open my corset
“Hold your tits together”
I do as I’m told having not being able to answer him about when I want him to cum
“Open your mouth too” I open it, poking out my tongue slightly for a taste of his cum
As his warm cum hits my breasts, some also reaches my mouth & I know he is pleased as I stick out my tongue to lick it off my chin, by the noises he’s making.
“Good Girl”
He’s smiling & I am done. I roll over on my side, he curls up behind me spooning me.
I’m still covered in his cum, I don’t want to wash it off, it’s like being branded by him.
I feel like nothing can get better than the evening I’ve just had.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Recipe

I love this concept. I was only just talking about this the other day, the fact I have done so many unsafe things in my dating life & how I have been so bloody lucky nothing terrible has happened to me! I am so thankful for that, however this is a great safety tool that all single people should adopt with their friends.

Code words!

The Recipe

Ladies… have you had dessert?

This question could be life-changing…

Yes, that rich, flourless chocolate cake COULD actually change your life, but have you asked a friend recently if they’ve had dessert?

After a recent spate of great and not-so-great Tinder/Bumble/pick up in a local bar dates, in one of our weekly dish sessions, my concerned friend expressed that she was worried that my sister or myself might find ourselves in a dangerous situation. Obviously we always tell each other our location, his name, photo, any random information about him that we have accumulated, but in this imaginary scenario, our usual “are you ok?” message might be met with aggression where we might be forced to reply ‘yes’, when in fact, we’re not ok. So we devised a plan…

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Have you had dessert?

A discreet and seemingly harmless question, sent approximately 30 minutes into a date, with a series of code responses:

*Yes, I had chocolate means the date is going very well!

*Yes, I had vanilla means it’s good, but a bit boring.

*Yes, I had pistachio means it’s ok, but I’m ready to go home.

All of the above answers indicate that we are all good. Unfortunately, for my sister, I like to mix and match, so she often receives ‘chocolatey vanilla’, or something completely different. Sometimes, when I forget the code, she gets things like “pancakes with blueberries”, because I actually had that. Or when it’s been really spectacular: “triple chocolate with whipped cream and extra chocolate chips with sprinkles”. Obviously, all men would love to be this one, but it’s reserved for a certain Canadian gentleman… well, they’re his words, but I fully endorse them

If things are not going well…

*No, I’m thinking of having a chocolate sundae means it’s not going well, but I’m ok.

*No, I’m thinking of having some rocky road (get it? The road is rocky?) means it’s getting worse, be on standby.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split (split… right?) means if I don’t contact you in the next 10 mins, call or come and get me.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split – DO YOU WANT ONE TOO? means get me out now.

And one that we will hopefully never have to use: No, tell Dad to get some donuts means call the police and tell them what’s happening.

We wrote this code laughing hysterically, as my son walked into the room asking ‘oh, are you guys getting dessert?’, but we realised that it’s not really a laughing matter. I mean, realistically, if something were really wrong, chances are we wouldn’t be using code, but it makes it a little more fun…

And let me be clear, this is not about sex… we can have a different one for that

So here I am, writing to you all, sharing stories so we can support each other through good dates, bad dates, heartbreak and excitement and of course, mind-blowing sex!!

I hope you’ll continue to read this and share it with your friends.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures…

To check out this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/9

Just as you practice safe sex, please practice safe dating!

#IBD4U

Erotica: Scene Two – Eight Spanks

For new readers, I started sharing some erotica fiction that I wrote. Not completely irrelevant to my blogs but not necessarily essential.

I hoped you enjoyed Scene One – Nipple Bells. You may have to read it first for this to make sense as they do flow on from one another…

Here is the second instalment… Enjoy!

Scene Two – Eight Spanks

He leans on me between my legs while I still have aftershocks of my orgasm running through me.
He releases one of the nipple clamps & lightly kisses the sensitive skin, he proceeds to do the same on my other nipple.
The release is bittersweet.
He reaches up to my hands & pulls them down from above my head, unclipping the clips on the cuffs to free my arms.
He rubs my shoulders & I feel so special that he takes the time to make sure I am ok.
He grabs my hands in his hand & pulls me to standing, my legs still spread with the spreader bar attached to my ankles.
I am weak from my orgasm & standing in heels with the bar, I stumble, but he catches me around the waist.
His hands run over my sensitive breasts, while he kisses my neck.
I lean my head back on his shoulder, loving his tender touch.
He whispers in my ear
“Bend over”

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I wonder how I am going to stand through what I think he’s going to do, he clips my wrist cuffs onto the bar between my legs.
His hand rubs my ass that’s poking in the air, I know what he’s planning, he’s going to spank me while I’m standing up.
“I want you to count the spanks out loud, so I can hear you”
“Yes Sir”
“Good girl”
He takes his hand away & I brace myself for the impact.
When it doesn’t come, I peer back to see what he is doing, then he spanks me.
It makes me unstable on my feet, but he holds me by the waist to steady me.
“One”
“Louder”
“One” I cry out
He rubs my other butt cheek & does the same, I brace myself but it’s only when he sees me relax that he spanks me
“Two”
He rubs my ass & in quick succession he hits me twice.
“Three, Four”
Then before I know it, his cock is deep inside me, but then out before I even get used to being full of his cock.
As his cock enters me again, quickly in & out, he spanks me, I let out a yelp
“Five”
He builds up speed, pulling his cock all the way out each time, then pounding into me, I can barely stay standing.
I feel like I am close to cumming again.
He spanks me with each thrust
“Six, I’m going to cum sir”
“You must ask permission”
He tortures me again
“Seven, please may I cum sir?” he groans & picks up the pace, that I am struggling to stay standing
“Please sir, can I cum for you?”
As he pounds into me, spanking my ass one last time he says
“Yes”
I scream “Eight” as if it’s the usual thing I say when I cum
He keeps pounding into me as I cum so hard on his cock, squeezing him as he pulls in & out of me.
As my orgasm starts to subside, he unclips my hands from the bar & unclips the bar from my legs, he stands me up but I am so weak, I can barely stand.
He pulls me upright against his chest, his hands on my breasts again, he leans into my ear
“I’m not done with you yet…”

Cold shower anyone?!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: 30 Things Women Want Men To Know

I read this via another Blog (https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1094) & I found it very interesting.

I disagree with number 2 personally, I’ve said this many times before. However the rest of these are very true for me too!

30 Things Women Want Men To Know

Posted on by

I was really trying to avoid blogging about anything concerning sex but I guess it was highly inevitable. Today I am sharing those things most women wish men knew but simply don’t tell them. My personal thoughts are points 1-10 and 30 and the rest of the points are from the women I asked. Here’s hoping no one takes offence but maybe takes notes instead and make sex something both you and your partner enjoy.

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  1. It is not about the quantity but the quality of sex. Why are you trying to have 8 rounds of 2 minute sex?? One session of good sex is good enough and if you are doing things right and hitting the spot then by all means rest assured I am fine.
  2. Size does matter. For me that is, that motion for the ocean line doesn’t hold water. I am a big girl, I like big things.
  3. Sex in the dark? NO, switch on the light please I want to see what’s going on.
  4. If you have to ask “how was it” you know the sex was lousy.
  5. Do no keep asking me how it was; you are not ready for the truth.
  6. Just because the last woman you slept with liked anal sex does not mean the next woman does. Ask before trying to sneak your dick into my ass hole!
  7. I don’t fake orgasms, if I didn’t cum I didn’t cum, it is really that simple.
  8. Oral sex is a big turn on. Eat that pussy like it’s the cure for some life threatening disease! Note I said EAT not small little licks!
  9. Do not bite the clitoris! Just because it is shaped like a jelly bean it does not mean it was made for biting. That is a sensitive organ, be gentle.
  10. Don’t be lazy, put your back in it!
  11. Take off ALL your clothes. Why do you leave some clothes on? Socks, vest, take it off we want to see all your body parts.
  12. Screaming doesn’t mean we are enjoying it. It can mean one of three things. Maybe we just want to stroke your ego and make you think you are pumping us proper, we want you to stop or it’s actually painful. LOL
  13. We don’t always orgasm, but that’s okay. Do not make it a big deal because if you do we end up faking orgasms.
  14. Sex should not always be about a good fuck. Sometimes a woman wants some good old deep, delicious and slow love making.
  15. Change of scenery will definitely spice up the sex. The bedroom becomes boring. Sex in the shower anyone?
  16. We love surprises; introduce goodies like chocolate, strawberries, yoghurt, edible lingerie…
  17. Take a bath! Who do you want to climb on top of smelling like you were ploughing in a field all day?
  18. Sweat is a NO NO. Show up smelling divine and maybe a different cologne every now and again is a huge turn on.
  19. Do not be a selfish lover, wait for the woman to orgasm.
  20. Do not keep switching tempo. We do like variety BUT constantly changing tempo interrupts our flow. Worst time to switch is when we are about to orgasm. Do you have any idea what it takes to finally get an orgasm??? Do not tempt us to punch you in the face during sex!
  21. If a woman is not in the mood for sex she is not. No amount of parading in the room naked will change her mind.
  22. Foreplay is more than just sticking your fingers up her pussy.
  23. Enjoying sex does not make me a freak.
  24. Sex is meant to be fun.
  25. If you expect to get head you better wash up your dick properly!
  26. Women probably love sex more than men but our society has raised us in a way where showing that labels you a loose woman.
  27. Most women are shy to initiate sex but in her mind she has ripped off your clothes and done all sorts of unimaginable things!
  28. Women are horniest when they are on their period. Some actually don’t mind sex during that time of the month.
  29. You don’t know women like that. Just because your friend told you his woman liked this, it doesn’t mean I will like it.
  30. TALK, TALK, TALK! You must communicate during sex. That way you both say what you want. Laughing is even welcome when things go wrong. That’s the whole point of sex, to have a good time. Give specifics and help each other to enjoy amazing sex!

*Side Note – Remember to practice safe sex. If you have sex without any form of contraception, then you may be at risk of a pregnancy (as well as a sexually transmitted infections).

Here’s a link to their blog: https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/30-things-women-want-men-to-know/

Hope you all enjoyed!

#IBD4U

Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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“One”
I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
“Three”
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
“Hmmmm”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Four”
“Pleeeeessssseeee”
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Six”
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
“Seven”
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
“Eight”
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/122

#IBD4U

Mechanic #3

I don’t hear from Mechanic for a while, when he randomly starts messaging me again – well he’d been messaging sporadically but not as regular as he had been. So we chat a bit & he wants to see me again, I am not just going to just let him come over to my house & fuck him after all this time, he can meet me for a drink first – be a gentleman. I need to have some self respect here. It’s been over 2 months since we saw each other last, yes I was overseas for 4 weeks of that, but he could’ve seen me since I got back, I mean he could’ve even been consistently messaging me, but he hasn’t.

We meet at a different local pub to the one we initially met at, but still nearby my house, he dicks me around with what time he can get there, which fucks me off since I am giving this guy another chance. I’m there already (which I hate being first) when he rocks up, in his dirty work uniform (because he’s been doing a cash job for a friend that took longer than he expected, apparently) looking grubby, greasy & a little older (somehow) but hot as fuck! Whoa…

We have a couple of drinks at the pub, the conversation flows really easily, like there was no 2 month gap. He tells me how good I look & he wishes that he had time for a shower. I find myself piecing back together my life plan I had in my head with him.

He talks a lot about his new Ford ute that he just got, it’s a hotted up purple thing – I’m a Holden girl so he loses points for getting a Ford but it’s not a deal breaker, if it is as HOT as he says it is. He challenges me to drive it… I silently thank my dad for making my siblings & I all learn to drive manual cars when we got our licenses & I take Mechanic’s keys, kissing him quickly on the lips as I give him mine. I figure it’s ok for him to drive my work car being he works where these cars are serviced, so he’d probably driven it before anyway. I get in his car, put the key in & turn it, but it won’t start, I try turning the key with my foot on the brake, with my foot on & off the clutch. But I can’t work out how to turn it on. FUCK. I don’t want to look like a blonde bimbo who can’t even start a fucking car. He drives up next to me & winds down the window with a fucking cheek y look on his face, just as I find a power button. I press it & the car starts, it’s loud & sounds so good. I hear him laugh as I accelerate out the carpark, showing off, hoping I don’t fuck this up, I am in heels! & I’m trying to impress this guy.

We get back to my house & he is impressed. He says that he didn’t think I’d be able to start it without his left, let alone drive it & was surprised I even knew how to start it (well that was a fluke that I found the button but I’m not a compete idiot). But of course I didn’t tell him that my dad made me learn to drive a manual & all my cars have been manuals, I drive an automatic because that’s what work give me. But I just smile smugly. He asks if he can have a shower because he’s really dirty from working at his mates place, so he’s kinda covered in car grease. I get him a towel & show him to the bathroom. I get us both a red wine & wait for him to shower. He takes a lot longer than I would’ve if I had a shower at his house – but I hope that’s because he’s comfortable or maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.

He gets out & I’m waiting for him in my bedroom, so he walks in & I drop to my knees & suck his cock straight away as he lets the towel drop. We have sex, which is kinda wild sex including my 2nd experience with anal, before I say to him that I want to fuck him in that hot little car of his. I’m not really sure why, I mean we’re at my house in my beautiful king sized bed, we’ve both been drinking, but I think he likes that idea because minutes later we’re back in his car, me bra & pantieless driving down to the beach to fuck in this sexy ass car. We get to the beach, we kiss with such passion, to be honest I am probably more drunk than I should be for this, but we work it out in a tiny ute cab when I slide the condom on him & we fuck for a bit before he takes it off & cums all over my bare chest. I’m covered in cum when we’re done & oddly I kinda like it. I think that’s a first for me, a guy cumming on me, I definitely won’t just let any guy do this, but I do like it with him.

We go back to my house & we fuck again, drinking more, getting more drunk that I spill my red wine in my bed & all over my carpet in my bedroom. (The stain still remains!) Fuck I am more drunk than I realise & I wonder if he should’ve just driven us to the beach & back. I’m not sure how drunk he is. It’s 1:00 am when we stop this sexcapade session & he rolls away & he ends up sleeping over, so I’m assuming he’s either crashed out or he’s too drunk to drive or maybe, just maybe he likes me enough to sleep over.

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We wake up in the morning & I am a little worse for wear, I can’t believe this guy has slept over… It’s a school night too (aka weeknight). I basically begged Origin to sleep over & after months he still wouldn’t. This guy, I didn’t even ask nor did he ask, yet he’s just spent the night at my house, including spooning me a little. I like having a man sleepover – though I don’t sleep all that well when they do. I haven’t had a guy sleep over in a while. I am very aware not to let that poison my mind into thinking that I like the guy just because he sleeps over.

He gets up & has another shower, I am very aware now as I wake, that I slept covered in his cum (something kind of sexy & naughty about that), so I think about joining him in the shower but I chicken out, we’ve woken up late & both have to get to work. I wait for him to leave before I jump in the shower myself. When I get out, I see his sunglasses sitting on my chest of draws in my bedroom. Was that intentional? So that I have to message him? Or so that he’d have to see me again? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy to play this game, I mean if he wants to see me, I think he’s the type to just see me. But I go anywhere without my sunnies, they are always on the top of my head, even at night sometimes… (Yes at night!) It hurts my eyes when I see other people squinting in the sun, so this must be a deliberate act, no one leaves their sunnies behind, surely?!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

#IBD4U

Rob Rob

I meet Rob Rob on the anonymous app (seems to be working out for me more than bloody online dating!) & the first thing he asks me is if I am kinky, I say that I am but that I am also still new to it & he asks to add me on the chat app. I agree & he immediately chats to me & says that he has a kinky group that he can add me too, but there are rules. Rules, really? I’m semi new to this app too & I don’t know what this shit is. He sends them to me, about not private messaging (PM) someone without permission & that I must send a live face pic to him to prove that I am real. I think this is bullshit & I am not going to send it. But he keeps talking to me & I do eventually send him a face picture. (I learn later that the rules of no PM thing & live face pics is very common on this app)

He says that I am “too hot” to be added to the group (Errr, what?) & he wants to keep me for himself, he says that he doesn’t want other people talking to me. I don’t think much of it, in fact I feel pretty special that he’s chosen me – his picture is pretty cute. But as we talk, the main question I ask men now is if they are single, because I hate that they don’t tell you. He says that he is married (OH FFS!) but that they never have sex (So that makes it ok to look elsewhere?), that she’s not kinky at all, so when they do have sex it’s very vanilla & boring for him because he’s very dominant but he loves her & won’t leave her. I figure that this won’t go anywhere & so I make no effort to talk to this guy, I do ask him to add me to the kinky group when we do chat, about 1000 times but he won’t, he says that he’ll get too jealous if other guys hit on me & he can’t have me. What a crock of shit!052816 (11)He messages me ‘Hi’ everyday & I find myself actually liking waking up to his message every morning, like some sort of loser. This guy is married, what is the point? He’s a school teacher (if that’s even a true fact about him) & I chat to him most of the day, obviously when he’s available or not with his wife. We eventually swap skype accounts, where he helps me create my fake name, I become Kristy Cumsalot, my alter ego (mainly because we don’t swap real names) & it’s not long before the chats turn into skype calls.

The calls… Oh the calls, almost every morning he asks to call & I stupidly let him. He knows how to get me going, his voice, there is something about his voice, like velvety butter or something, so sexy & he knows how to turn me on… He makes me call him Sir, which I hate, maybe because he’s the first man to ask me to do that, maybe because it goes against my feminist side to let a man tell me what to do, but for some reason, I find myself obeying him… Every time I say Sir without being prompted, not only do I shock myself, but he lets out a little hmm sounds followed closely by Good Girl.

What’s so bad about this is that he’s the only guy showing any real interest in me at the moment, I mean I have just fucked a potential felon (See Unemployed) & I am at an all-time low with how I feel about myself & this is the type of guy I attract – a guy that can’t hurt me. How desperate am I for a bit of affection & love that I am so willing to chat to a married guy & have phone sex with him every few days? What kills me is that I am always available, I am always waiting for him to message me, always allowing him to call. When will there be a guy waiting by his phone for my message? FFS!

Around this time too, I’ve been watching a lot of porn, like I’ve said before I go through stages with porn, but I usually find a couple that I like & watch them over & over, I am more specific about what type of porn I watch.  I also become obsessed with different sex toys, buying just about everything, thinking maybe when/if I ever meet this guy we can use them. He tells me of a fantasy of meeting me on a hotel room, he’ll be there already & I’ll rock up in a tench coat, he’ll then be dominant & give me a true submissive experience. I buy some lingerie, some corsets, high heels, masks, toys… I buy so much stuff in the hopes that he & I will live out this hotel fantasy.

I also literally crack the shits with him at least once a week – so much so, that I wonder why he keeps messaging me, he’ll ask me if he can call whenever he is free & I’d run late to whatever I am going to because he wanted to jerk off while listening to me cum down the phone line. It pisses me off… When I want to chat to him, he’s offline, it’s always on his terms. He says that he’ll try to make more time for me, which of course we know is not true, nor will he. Its just a little carrot that he dangles & I chase like a stupid white rabbit. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

We chat for months, this routine of us chatting every day because he says ‘hi’ before I wake up every single day – I never initiate a chat with him ever, then him calling every few days or so to hear me cum while he shows me him rubbing his cock in his work car park. He says he wants to meet me, but every time we try to, one of us chickens out. I was sitting in the car chatting to him on the phone one day, when I finally say “Fine, give me your address” then he says that his wife will be home soon & he’s got to go to Tennis. What a fucking idiot I am. I finally get the courage to meet this married guy & go against all that I believe in & he chickens out.

I talk to him the whole time I am in the UK. In fact I end up sexting him when I am alone, which isn’t often but usually when my Aunty is in the shower or I find a bath in the hotels. When I have to return the hire car, I leave my Aunty in the hotel & leave with the intent to have phone sex with this guy, but he dicks me around & isn’t online, so I crack the shits. I also get lost getting to the fucking airport which just makes me angrier. It’s always on his bloody terms, always when he’s free… Here I am in the fucking UK still trying to get this man in Adelaide. Seriously!

But this guy somehow draws me in, I try to say goodbye several times but I never can, I don’t know why. Is it because I am such a fucking loser just wanting a guy to want me? Is it because I know this guy won’t hurt me because I can’t get attached? Is it just that this guy keeps messaging me, even when I’m a complete fucking bitch to him? This is a fucking real low point in my dating career, I am not even sure what I am doing. I mean why am I still talking to this guy on a very regular basis…

#IBD4U

Mechanic #2

Mechanic & I talk all week, it’s a great week for me. I am smitten with this guy. I know what you’re all thinking, wasn’t I just saying “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” over & over last week? Yep, I was! But somehow I get caught up in the fact that this hot guy likes me – not as hot as his pictures but he was still very nice eye candy! He sends me dumb work pictures of car motors & the computer on his lap while he’s working, or his lunch & I find myself doing the same. He sends a pic of his banana & I send a pic of me suggestively eating my banana – so cute we both had a banana that day for lunch! It’s like it’s meant to be! OMG, get a grip! Its fun & I seriously enjoy this time of a interaction with a boy, when you can be cheeky & secretly planning your wedding in your head but also knowing that in a week, he probably won’t even know your name!

I explain to him that I am going away for a month, 4 weeks to the UK (where he’s from) but that I do want to see him before I go away. He says that he wants to too! Eek, that’s so good! We can’t seem to get a date that works well for both of us & the day we’re supposed to catch up, the night before I leave for the UK, my sister goes into labour & has my baby niece. FUCK, I want to see my new baby niece of course, because she’ll be a month old when I get back from the UK, but also my vagina won’t get any action for a whole month while away with my aunty too! What a dilemma!

It’s later in the afternoon, even early evening, when we are allowed to go to the hospital to visit, so I suggest to Mechanic to come over my house later this evening when I get home, he says that works for him, (thank god) but says that we can do it another time if it’s going to be too rushed. I don’t want to wait that long to see him, being that tomorrow I am flying out for 4 weeks away, I don’t want him to forget me.

So when everyone starts leaving the hospital about 8:30 pm, I mentally thank everyone for giving my sister some time to rest – purely selfish reasons, of course. I message him as I’m walking out the hospital doors, speed home & he meets me at my house shortly after I get there. I open some wine & he bring some beers, we just kiss on the cheek hello & stand in the kitchen talking. I ask if he wants some music on which he decides that he’s going to be the DJ. Usually this is my forte, I hate others picking the music – music is my thing. We move to the couch & he goes through my Spotify, making me guess the names of the singer or name of the song – he should know not to play this game with me, I know too much about music, weirdly! I guess them all right, which impresses him. I am secretly smug!

The music he chooses is seriously the most hilarious music – old school 90’s, lots of it is dance music, very much old school tunes, like Dj BoBo – Love is all around

& Dj Scooter – the logical song

I’ve attached the YouTube songs for you that want to reminisce! Absolute fucking gold tracks! Hahaha. He literally played almost every song from Dj BoBo going on & on about him & imitating the way he talks… I’m in fits of laughter the whole night! It’s probably the best date I’ve ever had with a guy.

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We sit there playing music for ages, it’s hilarious, I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to this guy, how much we have in common, how easy it is to have him here at my house, helping himself to his beers in the fridge & more wine, rather than waiting till I offer or asking for another. OMG. I am starting to like this guy too much… Why do I do that? Why does my brain automatically imagine a life with a guy I’ve been on 2 dates with?

He tells me that while I’m in the UK that I need to try all these different snack foods that he loves & a certain brand of peanuts. I tell him that I will definitely try them & I memorise what he said so that I can message him while I’m away! (OMG you loser!)

It’s been a great night just chilling out, without the TV on at all, like Milky & I always did. He leans into kiss me & we have great sex, again we have to get into certain positions for it to be comfortable for me, but we get there with a bit of communication. (communication is key to a good relationship, sexually or otherwise!)

I feel like I say this too much, but I really like this guy! (In all honesty, I’ve only really liked – or seen myself with 3 guys since breaking up with Boyfriend over a decade ago) I like that he isn’t quick to jump up & run home, he’s not scared to stick around, even though I know I am getting attached to this guy, luckily tomorrow I fly out for the UK.

We actually talk a lot while I’m away! I send him pictures of me eating the snack foods that he recommended & I find myself packing a small packet of the nuts into my suitcase for him, when I show him me eating them & he says bring me back some! (What the actual fuck! You’re a creep!) We talk when I get back from my holiday too & I tell him that I brought him back some nuts, he’s says that I’m a legend. But we never catch up. I try to arrange something for before I go back to work, but can’t seem to lock it down. I get a bit pissed off & you know me, I stop initiating texts because I think he can contact me if he is interested.

Obviously he’s not.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

#IBD4U

Unemployed #2

I am not sure why I keep chatting to Unemployed to be honest. He is a stereotypical ghetto type boy needing someone to help him. I mean he’s struggling to get a job, that I even help him with his resume because he sounds like an uneducated man who has no idea how to apply for a job. I also enlist my best friend to help him as well, but I think she sounds too smart & I tone down her version a lot.

I feel sorry for him for some reason & take him on like a little project! I really do believe his story that the young girl lured him in. I’ve seen it before, I mean he is totally in the wrong for even thinking it was ok with a 15 year old, I get that, I’m not justifying it at all, however I just think he needs a friend.

Have you seen the movie Dead Man Walking? Great movie, a real tear jerker but definitely worth the watch, such an amazing film – I suggest you watch it. (Not that it makes a difference to this blog, but everyone should watch it!) Right now, I feel like I am Susan Sarandon, helping a convict, not by judging or by offering advice but just being there for him. (However, I’m clearly not a nun!)

unemployed #2

We go out for lunch one day in the city, I meet him while on holidays, we order food & drinks & I end up paying for the whole thing (OMG I am such a fucking loser!) & I don’t even enjoy myself to be honest, it’s forced & I feel weird, like a counselor or something – even though I just said that’s what I felt like he needed, but I feel like I am going through stuff too & probably not in the right mind set to be counselling someone. I vauge out, listening to him talk about what he wants to do with his life, he has about 20 different ideas on the go at once.

Around this time, I get into kayaking with a friend & purchase 2 of my own. I am keen to introduce others to the activity & I do with a bunch of different friends over the following months. He says he wants to go with me, so I say he can come with me one day, so one weekend he drives the hour & a half to my house to go kayaking. He’s not that good at it but he tries, which is good. We have a nice day on the river, it’s a great activity because I don’t have to entertain him or feel awkward about the fact I have had sex with this dude who may be going to jail!

It’s a fun day; I actually have a good time with him, showing him my new passion, I’ve never been good at sports but I like that I am able to show him what this is like & how fun it is. I really feel like he’s had a sheltered life. He says he has a really good time & wants to do it again. We hug goodbye, that’s about all I can handle & I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to do anything more with me anyway but is happy to have a friend.

A few weeks, maybe months go by, I chat to him a bit online or via text, but we don’t talk about catching up again. When he messages me to tell me that his court hearing/sentence date is coming up and he wants to go out for a special dinner. I say that’s a good idea, not thinking that he meant a special dinner with me, assuming his last day of potential freedom would be spent with his family & cat!

He invites me dinner at Windy Point Restaurant (Fancy! – for those not in Adelaide, it’s a beautiful expensive restaurant that has magnificent views over Adelaide) & not really a place you go with a random guy, more like the place you go to when you are celebrating an anniversary or when you are going to propose to your partner. It’s quite hilarious that he’s taking me there, well not taking me, he’s made it quite clear he has no money & I am paying for myself. But he wanted to spend the last night with me.

When the bill arrives he works out exactly what he has spent & not a cent more, I don’t have enough cash so I have to transfer some money to him via internet banking, I think it was about $20. He actually sends me his bank details too, so I transfer the money to him.

I never hear from him again, so I can only assume that he got jail time for his relationship with the 14 year old, but I guess I will never know. Maybe he will pop back up one day? I don’t know. I will wait & see… I hope by then I have learnt to ignore!

#IBD4U

Mechanic

My luck may have changed; this very cute guy, good looking, like hot AF good looking, probably a dream guy in the looks department for me, he is just my type! Tick. Like more hot than normal, I’m totally punching above my weight here. I can’t stress enough how cute he is in his pictures! I’m so surprised when he actually chats to me?! Tick! OMG, he’s also bloody funny. Tick! & He’s my age, not a ridiculously young dude, not an old fart, he’s only 2 years older! OMG. Wow, this one is too good to be true! I’m sure of it. So I say my new mantra over & over “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” firstly this guy probably isn’t going to be keen on me & secondly it’s only been a few months since the Origin debacle.

I can’t even remember what site we met on, but it had a terrible name like ‘DomDates.com’ or something equally stupid, I got a lot of attention on there, maybe because I was the only normal looking one or because I wasn’t a scammer from overseas, or because I was the only chick who knew about this site. I was surprised that he was so interested in me, surely there were other people online that would be better than me. (Serious self-esteem issues, I know, I am working on it!) When he tells me that he’s British, I almost cream my pants, seriously I don’t think he can get any better (Remembering my imaginary checklist).

“I must not get attached, I must not get attached”

We stop talking on the stupid website that we met on & switch to the chat app. I delete my account on that site. Like it’s so dodgy! Mechanic suggests that we meet, which makes my tummy twist in knots, but I say yes, of course I want to meet this guy! We choose a less dodgy pub near me, but let’s face it, it’s the south, so it’s still dodgy. We decide on a game of pool & a drink. I remember thinking wow when I first saw him, this guy is bloody hot (a bit older than his photos, he kind of has a bit of salt & pepper in his hair, few more wrinkles, probably not as buff as the pictures but still very attractive), he’s very funny & can actually hold a conversation, plus he’s British! (Must not forget that!) He has a slight accent, it’s so sexy! I’m so surprised that he keeps offering to buy more drinks & to play more games of pool. He pays for most of it too, maybe, just maybe this guy could be genuine! Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am?! He hasn’t run for the door yet!

We play pool, I am not too bad at the game but when I am losing, I try to distract him by bending over & pulling down my top a little bit to show my cleavage, then giggle. It works. We enjoy some friendly, cheeky banter. It’s really a fun night & I remember a friend once telling me that I need to show my fun side, well here I am showing my fun side! I’m relaxed & having a good time without overthinking anything I am saying or doing. He is so naturally funny, saying one liners that I love, a little like Origin did but this is the first date I’ve been on that I haven’t sat there thinking about someone else.

052816

As the bar closes, yes the bar closes, he walks me to my car, we stand outside, making small talk, before he leans in & kisses me… We are so good at everything that I wonder if we’ll be good at kissing… YEP! We are!! He’s so super fucking hot (Calm down!) Then I can’t help it, the words are out of my mouth before I even realise what I am saying, I ask him if he wants to come back to my house. Of course, he says yes.

We go back to my house & I offer him a drink before he’s kissing me again, I take him into my room, we’re both naked quickly & I kneel on the floor & suck his cock. For the first time in a long time, maybe even the first time… I swallow a guy’s cum, which I would NEVER do for a random, I figure if they want the best of me, then they need to earn the best of me. I’m not sure what made me do it with him to be honest. Maybe this chemistry I’m feeling, maybe it’s the fact I find him so attractive, I’m not sure or maybe it’s just the little bit of liquid courage…

We have sex & it’s really really good sex, though his cock is quite big & hurts me in some positions (I’m personally not a fan of a huge cock, they seem to hurt me – must be something to do with the way my insides are, it’s all about the width & shape for me. I know others don’t agree but that’s just me. Also in my experience guys with giant cocks usually aren’t that good in bed as they think a big cock is all it takes… Guys with smaller cocks seem to work a bit harder & are far better.) But it’s still good with Mechanic once we work it out & shift into a comfortable position. He hangs around for a little while but then he gets up to leave, we kiss goodbye & I hope that I see him again, but I’m not holding out any hope.

He messages me the next day… EEK! That puts a huge fucking smile on my dial that I can’t wipe off! We continue to chat, the banter is cheeky, but not gross. I find out that he actually works as a mechanic (I’m sure you did not see that coming! Hahaha) at the dealer where our work cars are from & serviced, yeah that’s bloody Adelaide for you! I don’t ever have to go to the dealer because they pick up our cars from work when they get serviced, but all of a sudden I wish like hell there was a reason to drop my car off!

#IBD4U

Flaccid #2

So what is it about me, that I am good enough to sleep with once, forget about & then when they see me online again when I stupidly reactive my accounts that they decide that they want to see me again. Or is it that they just have had no other options & I’m stupid enough to let them back into my life?!

Well this guy Flaccid who couldn’t even keep hard when we had sex a but he did almost make me cum – I mean almost isn’t as good as making me cum, I am not sure why being close to making me cum is a good thing (I guess I’m trying to be positive), but I guess it was the way he was going to make me cum… Read the previous blog about him…

When I give him my number again I think what the hell am I doing? He calls me one night & we almost end up having phone sex, but I’ve never done that before so it feels a little weird for me, especially with a random dude but I’m not sure I am very good at vocalising what I think they should do or what I would do. I mean I’m not mute when I have sex with someone, I can do it when they are touching me in real life a little & I sort of do it over text but I don’t know if I can do it with a random over the phone.

He texts me a few times over the course of few weeks, but I end up ignoring him after a while, I assume that it’s just going to be sex & I am over just being a sex toy for men. I want something more; I want to be taken out on dates & shown a good time. I want to be spoiled, I want someone to look at me & think they never want to see anyone else, that I am it!

If I keep this casual thing going then a I ever going to find that one person who wants me? Is there actually someone out there for me? I stop talking to him for months.

flaccid #2

So with this in mind, I’m not sure why I talk to this guy again when he pops back up months later… How & why he keeps coming back into my life but he does & I seem to be only too keen to let him. WTF is wrong with me? Clearly there is something wrong with them as they are still single, but then I mean I am still single too, but that’s also because these are the types of guys I am left with!

He tells me that he wants to catch up with me as soon as he can, he’s leaving to go to the UK for a year for work. Right, so what is the point of this? Why am I even considering this? We message & message but he always has an excuse as he’s sold his car already & can’t get to my house, he’s living with family so I can’t go to see him. Blah blah blah.

It’s been almost a whole year since we fucked the first time, when I allow him to come over. This time we’ve talked about what he should do if he goes soft & I remind him how good he was when he actually almost made me cum – just to boost his ego. When he comes over, we will just fuck, there is no small talk or anything because well lets face it, I’m never going to see him again after tonight, he leaves in a few days to go overseas & I’ll probably never talk to him again after tonight either.

So he comes over & the sex is actually really good, it goes for a while, he goes down on me & he makes me cum, which surprises me, I mean I figured that he would get me close, but I can tell you that I was convinced he’d get me over the edge! I’m glad he did. He hangs around for a little while, just lying there naked, chatting. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

When he gets to the UK, he starts messaging me on what’s app for his UK number, we message, I think mainly for him to get validation from me that I had a good time this time. I put his mind at ease. He starts his convo with a dick pic asking me what I think, I mean I hate when they ask, what are you supposed to say? I say it looks big & try to move on.

We talk a lot about porn, I have been watching a lot lately, not sure why, I seem to go through phases of watching lots or not watching it at all. But in this phase, I am watching it daily – I have very specific tastes on what I watch, I won’t just watch anything & I hate home made porn… It’s about this time that I am heading to the UK with my Aunty. I keep in contact with him because I think that we might be able to catch up, if we’re in the same city. Not sure how I’ll get away from my aunt, but I’ll work something out since I probably won’t have sex for a month while away.

I also suggest to him that he buys himself a fleshlight (A male sex toy, basically a hole in a tube that they can masturbate with) because he seems to jerk off a lot, which is odd being that his nickname from me is Flaccid but oh well. He buys one & I regret suggesting it because he sends me videos all the time of him using it. Why do men do that? I don’t give a fuck if you cum. I cum every day by myself & don’t video for any one… Actually I’m certain guys would love it if I did.

We never meet up while I’m in the UK. We message the whole time though but it never happens. We talk even more when I get home from the trip, but he still has another year or so away. We talk about when he’s coming home, but I will be in Hawaii when he gets home. I’m also talking to multiple other guys (stories to come) that I don’t want to meet him so I ignore his final messages to me on his UK number.

He has messaged me about 2 years later, he found my phone number (I’d been though a lot – stories to come) & so we messaged a bit but he again didn’t have a car & then was drunk & wouldn’t catch a taxi/uber, so I’ve ignored everything since then. He messages again & I finally ask “why are you messaging me?” he replies that he just wanted to say hi, I ask “just hi?” but he never responds… All I wanted to know was what he wanted… Did he want to just fuck or does he want more. Maybe I didn’t word it right but seriously I don’t even care that he never responds, I’m sick of games.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

#IBD4U

Dildo

Meeting a guy on the anonymous chat app seems to be the best way to meet men while I am not really looking for a relationship at the moment. I struggle with actual dating apps. So when I travel for work, I think I will try to see if I can find a casual thing in the hotel room while I was away – kinda like a little sneaky fantasy. I hadn’t ever met someone on a work trip before because I had calmed down a little bit with the casual sex thing.

Dildo sent me his pic & we chatted a while before my trip. I thought why not be a little big naughty while away for work. It seemed like it might be fun. He talked a little dirty with me, kinda in a creepy way that’s not fun, including talking about sex toys with me but I persevere with the convo, maybe because I am so keen on this little fantasy, I don’t know why!

He decides that when we meet, he’s going to buy me a vibrator or dildo and use it on me. Rightio. Not the first time a guy has used a vibe on me but certainly the first time a guy has offered to buy me a toy to use on me. He also informs me he has a magic tongue. (Bahahaha – yeah sure you do, dude.)While I don’t believe this magic bullshit, I am a little intrigued to meet this guy.

After work I buy a bottle of wine to curb the anxiety of inviting a random guy to my hotel room when I am miles from home. He’s told me that he’s been to the one & only sex shop in town to buy me a dildo. I have half the bottle of shiraz before he gets there. Maybe that was a major mistake.

He doesn’t look like his pic at all, he is dirty including his fingernails, he’s young & not at all like his pictures. He’s in work clothes that are also dirty (like as if he didn’t change before he came to meet me.) I wonder how I’ve got this so wrong & I immediately start to wonder how I am going to get out of this. I start to feel really bad for this guy. Once he takes his filthy beanie off, his hair looks like a cancer patient would… I wonder how he’ll ever get anyone to have sex with him (fuck I’m a bitch). He shows me the box that the dildo came in, but he never uses it on me but we talk about its features & what settings it has, as it was some sort of electronic dildo. This is so awkward, that I give him some pity sex where he uses a condom that has tingling gel on it… That’s a first for me & it feels weird. I do not enjoy that.

dildo

When he uses his “Magic Tongue” I feel no magic whatsoever & I get him to finish because this is not doing anything for me, I am so done here… He stands up afterwards looking at his phone saying his mum has been calling & he has to go. I don’t even hide that I am happy about that.

A few days later he’s messaging me when I’m back home. I decide to unbox the dido & have a look at it, as I untangle the cord, it comes straight out the base & the thing is deemed unless, broken – or maybe it’s just a regular dildo now (hahaha). I tell the guy since he’s messaging & he tells me that he goes back into the sex shop to tell them it broke & they gave him 50% off another dildo or vibrator. I can assure you, he’s never going to use it with me! I throw the broken toy in the bin & stop replying to his messages.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Honest, Unfiltered Advice

Some of this is hard to read because it’s so true for me… I think we sometimes like to ignore the reality for the fantasy, I am so guilty of it.

Honest, Unfiltered Advice

This will be a constant work-in-progress: read through these when you have problem or aren’t sure what to do.

I’m being blunt for a reason. Some days, even I get tired of being a “Dear Abby” for my nearest and dearest.

So here they are- some pearls of wisdom from the she-wolf herself:

  • if you have to ask if you should leave; you already know the answer. You don’t need someone else to validate you. It’s your damn life.
  • If things haven’t changed by now, they won’t. Ever.
  • If you want to put up with the same shit day in, day out, then why are we even having this conversation?!
  • No-one is coming to save you, so stop being such a sook and get your shit together.
  • A man won’t fix your problems. Stop waiting for a knight in shining armour, because they’re all fucking retards wrapped in tin foil.
  • A vibrator might not take out the trash or hug you, but it won’t cheat, lie or ruin your life either.
  • If you don’t even respect/love/want/ care for yourself, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to, either.
  • It’s ok to just cut people off without saying goodbye.
  • If you have to seek validation from other men by way of things like lingerie selfies/ videos, because your man isn’t appreciating you as much as you’d like, then you really need to ask yourself if you should be marrying him.
  • There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
  • The grass may look greener in the other side, but it’s likely going to be fertilised with the same shit.
  • If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you
  • Don’t listen to your heart, because your heart is a fucking idiot. Listen to your brain and your gut. They have more sense.

Here is the link to this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/246

guest blogger honest unfiltered advice

I’ve said it before that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you, something I’m still working on!

#IBD4U

Who’s Next?

Who’s next… Well… Who? No one! That’s who? Oh god, I’m going to be alone forever! I mean, I have been at this point before, where I have deleted all my online accounts, wallowing in my own self pity & not dated anyone, nor talked to boys online. But this time it’s different – yeah right! I know this is all fresh & so I can’t see my future, but I really am serious when I say that I can’t see a future with a man in it. I am unable to cry about it ending with Origin. I am a stone. my heart is closing over (if it was ever open) & I am building up those walls. (I mean, if they were ever down!)

There was this woman at my previous job who never wanted kids (like me) & so she says that’s why she never married but she travelled & retired quite happily then travelled some more. I say to my friends who know her that I am going to be her, the childless lady who travels. What is so wrong with that? There are worse things to be, I guess. Like being that someone in an unhappy relationship that won’t/can’t leave. Or someone bitter because they never had kids but wanted them? Someone who had kids & then stuck with the man because of the kids – miserable but thinking it’s the best things for the kids… There are much worse things I guess.

Before this blog, I really thought there was someone out there for everyone, I did believe in ‘The One’. That there is only one perfect person for each person & when you find that one you are mates for life. Now I’m beginning to realise that there isn’t such a thing as ‘The One’ – I mean one person on the planet of 7 billion people & there is just one perfect person for you, who also just happens to also live in Adelaide? I mean what!? That’s just ludicrous… Why do we believe this “ONE” bullshit…

I now believe in fate – that everyone we meet is a blessing & a lesson. The we have multiple soul mates… They are part of our destiny. Everything is a matter of timing. Timing is everything. If the timing isn’t right but the person is then it’s never going to work. I think that timing is the most important part of dating. & I believe that there may be more than one perfect person for you & the timing was right for you both. So you may be lucky enough to have multiple epic love stories, but that doesn’t mean that the first or your second or even your third love story wasn’t “the one”, it was just “the one” for that period of your life.

But how to I recover from this set back, how do I move on & trust another guy yet again after all these stories? The next guy is going to have to work so hard to win me over & make me believe that they are interested in me, I don’t think I can trust that again. Therefore judging from my past experiences, I don’t think there is such a guy to who will ever like me enough to really make that effort. Maybe I am too hard work? & even if they do make such an effort, how am I going to believe that it is actually real? I mean look at what happened with Origin. What about Milky? Even Cruise put in a great deal of effort yet I’m still alone & no closer to believing that there is someone out there for me.

One of my friends says that I have to keep trying because look how much closer I am getting each time with each man, I mean since Boyfriend, Milky is the longest thing I’ve been involved in. Plus with Origin, I put myself out there with things I said, things I did, just to let him know I was interested & he reciprocated those actions & words, so my point is how do I believe these words again? But a friend says that I need to keep going because the next one will fight for me. I am not quite so optimistic, but I do hope that someday the timing is right with someone that we just fit.

#IBD4U

Origin #10

I get up early, washing my hair, putting on a full face of makeup (so that by the time he gets here it’ll be faded like I didn’t do it for him – yes I’m a nutcase!) cleaning my house, waiting for Origin to text me to say that he wants to catch up. The morning passes by without hearing from him. I try not to read into it being he said he was out last night, maybe he is sleeping in. Maybe he decided not to cancel on his mates & go out with them anyway.

I start to think this is not a good idea, waiting around for him to text me, what have I done? Do I not remember what caused me to stop talking to him in the first place? He started backing off & not contacting me as much, he’s looking for something else, he’s looking for someone else! But stupidly I am not ready to give up on this one.

Just before 2:00 pm, I get a text saying he’s got a few things that he has to do today so he can’t catch up but offers up dinner on Wednesday night instead. I try to hide my disappointment but I agree to Wednesday dinner, thinking that a date is a better idea than him coming over to my house anyway & us ending up having sex & not sorting anything out. There is so much I want to tell him & I really want to see him too.

I guess my main concern is that I got the feeling he was really into me, I thought this was going somewhere so now how am I supposed to know what is going on? Or what he is thinking? The good part about this now, is that I wasn’t upset when he bailed today. I’m just angry, I think that’s what I need, is for this to fizzle out rather than me end it before I am ready to give up.

I text him on Monday, he responds & we have a short chat, it’s a bit weird. Late Tuesday night he asks how I am; I reply & ask the same. He says he’s sick (again – really?! Not this old chestnut…) but we have some friendly banter about how he should listen to me Dr IBD4U & he says that’s sexy, I say that I’ll change my profession tomorrow & he says Fuck Yes. Now all the while we’re talking about how sick he is, I know that this is code for I’m going to bail on you tomorrow night. Sure enough at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, I get the text saying he’s in bed not well but am he’s free this weekend. This is what I wanted, my feelings are rapidly evaporating, he’s a leopard showing his true spots. I agree to a weekend movie date but will bet $10000 that I never see this guy again!

As I suspected, I don’t hear from him about the movie date & I decided not to message him to initiate it. I expect never to hear from him again, which is now ok, I am not sad at all, I am now quite ready to let him go. Yet at 12:00 am on Saturday night/Sunday morning I get a message asking how my night was going (he knew I was going out) I say I’m having a good night, my feet hurt so that’s a good sign. He says he’s tired & going to bed. WTF? I don’t respond, why the hell did he bother texting me at all?

Sunday night about 9:00 pm he asks how I pulled up & we text for a bit; he says he’s feeling better with antibiotics but his friend’s dad died & he just found out. He changes the subject to talk about other stuff but I end up stopping the conversation. What is with this guy? It’s been over two weeks since we saw each other & he’s still keen to text me but I am still safe with my $10000 bet!

Origin #10

One morning when I can’t sleep, I am going through my phone when I decide to re-read every text we ever sent each other. As I start I think ‘this isn’t going to end well for me’ but as I read I see why I liked him & it wasn’t all in my head that he liked me. But I read a very interesting text that I either glossed over when he said it or I just didn’t take it in.

We were talking about meeting people from online & what the worst parts are (now you know I have A LOT of stories so it’s probably why I didn’t really get his response) I was too busy telling him about some of the douches I have met when he said that he hasn’t met anyone from online yet. So, I was the first person he met online? I was the first person he met since his ex-girlfriend of 5 years! What if I reacted to that rather than being too busy telling him some of my fucking stupid stories, would things be different? Would I have freaked out knowing he had only met me & probably needed to spread his wild oats after his relationship? Maybe not, maybe I would’ve kept my guard up a bit. Perhaps I could’ve got a little distance – kept seeing other people myself but taken it slow & seen where it went with him? Or would I still have gotten attached to him regardless but I would’ve been in deeper therefore I would’ve ended up more hurt?

Anyway I feel like it’s still not the end with this guy & I don’t know why we don’t cut ties with each other, he is looking for someone else. (A trophy wife – his texts also revealed that he liked his girl to get dressed up when she met his friends – Don’t know how I glossed over that too! Plus, with the chick he was stalking online, she was that type of girl) but I mean his profile when we met did say ‘a girl who looks after herself.’

He is looking for a trophy wife (which is ironic that his ex wasn’t a trophy wife – maybe that’s why they broke up?!) & I’m looking for what? I am looking for someone like him, someone naturally funny with one-liners, someone who compliments me on the way I look – who genuinely thinks that and someone who wants to see me. But most of all I want someone to love me.

I’m actually now really scared that that fear is making me desperate when a guy shows me a bit of affection!

#IBD4U

What If?

When dating, I personally think the worst possible sentence you can say to yourself is ‘What if?’ It’s so dangerous for a person like me who overthinks EVERY single scenario in my head until I make a problem that wasn’t there to begin with.

What if I did this…?

What if I did that instead…?

What if I didn’t send that text…?

What if I just sent that text…?

What if I just let go of all these what if’s & just lived in the moment?

The worst part of that too, is there is no way of knowing if those ‘what ifs’ would’ve changed your life forever. If you sent that text instead of waiting for him to text, if you’d made a move to kiss him rather than waiting for him to make the move would the whole outcome have been different? Would you still be single? Would you have ended up exactly where you are anyway but had a different path? Would it have may you happier or would you still be the same?

I like to dream up these fantasy scenarios & playing them out where it goes in my favour but when I need a good cry (which doesn’t happen often) I pretend that it didn’t go in my favour – usually this is when I am in the shower & of course I’m in the rain. Hahaha. I’m not sure if this makes me weird, but I bet that there are others out there who do the same (I’m like Nina Proudman from the Aussie TV show Offspring who does exactly the same thing – So I’m not entirely alone!). I guess when you’ve been single for as long as I have, you have nothing to do but dream up scenarios about a fictitious boyfriend, who rolls over to spoon you!

What If

What if, what if, what if, my life could be so different with every single one of these guys in this blog. Imagine if I had of text Sparky rather than just waiting for him to ‘let me know’ could that have been something more? What if I just let things keep progressing with Milky & see if that turned into something more naturally rather than trying to force it? What if I had of said something different to Seacliff when he asked ‘am I the only one thinking it?’ What if I was the person I am today with Boyfriend, would things have been different with us? Or would we still have ended up breaking up eventually? Are you destined to be end up right where you are regardless of what you do; you may take a different path but would you end up in the same place?

See what I mean? It’s the worst sentence ever for an over thinker, you cannot turn back time so what is the point of even playing out these scenarios in my head? It doesn’t achieve anything but somehow it makes me feel better!

What if, what if, what if!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The One That Got Away #2

Do you remember The One That Got Away? One of my first guest blogger posts? It actually hit home for me & you will find out why soon enough – when I get to posting those stories…

I don’t consider myself a romantic person, but I wonder why can’t these 2 be together?

The One That Got Away #2

As you can probably tell- I ran away interstate to be with him.

As luck would have it, things haven’t exactly gone according to plan. But if I’m going to tell it, I have to go backwards to go forwards…

During things with “the impossible situation”, things between “the one that got away” and I became pretty flirty and- because we came close to going there so long ago, but didn’t go through with it- I was definitely curious to know what I’d been missing.

I flew interstate for his milestone birthday and that’s when it happened. In a king-sized bed in the city, late at night. I very nearly lost my voice, and I’m convinced that our room had extra thick walls (which is good for me, because I get kinda loud).

We climbed into bed after his birthday dinner to “go to sleep”. He rolled over to spoon me and started nuzzling my neck and feeling me up with shaking hands. After the first moan escaped my lips, I knew I was done for.

the one that got away #2

When his hand slid between my thighs while kissing me, I knew I was going to be altered. He has impossibly long, “piano player” fingers, and it’d been years since someone was able to affect me so much with just the tip of a finger! It made me crazed.

Naturally, I jumped him! I was so wild for it that I needed to feel him inside me. It was worth all these years of waiting and wondering. There was not a single thing about that night that wasn’t perfect- not just a realistic kind of perfect, but also the way the movies portray it.

When we weren’t adventuring, eating or sleeping- we were in bed together. It sounds ridiculous for someone like me to call it making love, but that’s exactly how it felt. It’s the only time I ever have. Usually- I just fuck. I learned that weekend the difference between the two and it altered me. I felt like this is what I’ve been wanting and needing and looking for all along. I felt at home with him.

The best part was that I felt no pain. Normally during/ after any level of P-in-V action, I’m in screaming agony, thanks to my troubled uterus. With him, I only felt peace and contentment.

Upon reflection, the only thing I could think of that was different from other people is the emotional connection. This man knows everything about me- we have known each other half our lives- and that affection and trust was a point of difference. Usually, I fuck first and think later; after is when I decide how I feel about the person I’ve been with. This time it wasn’t like that, and I think it made all the difference.

Discovering afterward that that weekend was his first time having sex rocked me. Apart from thinking “damn! That’s some natural talent!”, it made me feel like there was a degree of emotional intimacy there. I thought it meant that we were on the same page emotionally.

After leaving “The Impossible Situation”, I took some time to get my head right. He damaged me a bit, and I wanted to make sure that I was better before jumping into things with “the one that got away”. We saw each other when our schedules would allow, and he told me to move down for good and live with him when his house was finished. It all kind of seemed too good to be true (it kinda was), but I felt at the time that I deserved this bit of happiness that was coming my way.

Fast forwarding to living together, and it isn’t all rosy and bright. After being here together a few months, he realised that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m too affectionate and I need more emotionally than he’s capable of giving me. He feels guilty as hell for basically bringing me down here under false pretences and some days it is hard to look at him and not want to smack him upside the head for it.

I gave him the ultimatum a few weeks ago- get your shit together and be what I need, or watch me walk away. I refuse to have wishy-washy bullshit. I don’t want grey areas. I don’t want him to think he can be a true fuckboy and pick me up and put me down as it suits him. I’m a hell of a lot better than that. He chose to walk away.

Thankfully, through all this- we are still best friends. We adore each other. I am his plus one to just about everything because he knows while I’m distracting everyone with my larger than life personality, it means he gets left alone.

Living together is easy. There’s no more emotional stress, there’s no sexual tension and we can just grow old being dorks together… at least until someone comes along, who can give me exactly what I want- once I reestablish what that is.

For any potential suitors reading this- he’s a part of my life you have to accept. Don’t make me choose between you, because I will always choose my best friend. He’s a pretty rad dude, so you score bonus points for getting along with him! You also don’t need to be fearful or jealous of him. We are seriously JUST FRIENDS.

She-Wolf x

Here is the link to her blog https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/123

All I can say is, why?!

#IBD4U

We’ve Fucked Before #2

I know, I know I said that I wasn’t going to catch up with this guy We’ve fucked before again after we started talking about when things ended with Milky, but this guy never let up & I kept him on the back burner, maybe that’s why things didn’t work out the way I hoped they would with Origin because I kept this guy hanging. Maybe my karma is shot!

Anyway, when he says that he wants to catch up, a few days after I end things with Origin, I agree, but the second I do, I burst into tears. Like properly howling like someone died tears. (I’m not a crier at all, so this is uncharted territory, crying so much over a guy I knew for only a couple of months but we’d text EVERY DAY & I don’t even know how long we chatted online before we exchanged numbers, it would’ve been at least a week otherwise I wouldn’t given him my number.) But I work out that I’ve got more hormones in me from taking the emergency contraception pill so I am more emotional than I usually am. Yeah that’s it!

Anyway I decide that I need something to distract me, stupidly I also don’t want to have sex with this guy in case Origin comes back into my life & then I have to explain that I had sex only a day after I ended it with him. However, I guess I’d have to explain that I had sex with ‘Bowie’ the night Origin bailed on me the first time, so whatever, it’s going to be ruined even if Origin does come back but let’s face it, this blog is proof that I am not living a romantic comedy & even when I put myself out there for the first time in TEN years, I still end up alone!

I finally agree, after the whole day of texts with him & I say that he can come around at 5:30 pm, I had told him I’ll be in a robe when he gets here & we can head straight to the shower (seems to be his fantasy) but once I’m ready & tel him to come over, he text to me that he had to pick up his sister. What the actual fuck dude… I burst into tears I can’t even get a random guy I’ve fucked before to want to see me!

we've fucked before #2

I wait until 8:30 pm our regular scheduled time but he never comes over. This is technically the first time I have ever been stood up. Yet again I am the one that feels foolish, I am done. Done, Done, Done!

He texts me almost a week later saying he got a new phone after dropping his in the toilet & that’s why he hasn’t gotten in contact, I write back a bit, get another dick pic & the offer for him to come over. I just put him off, do I really want to go there? I thought I said I was done!

He messages all the time & I reply but then when I set a date & time, he doesn’t message me, I just can’t be bothered. I really can’t.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Collection

I literally laughed out loud when I read these. I love it.

Thank you to She-Wolf for allowing me to share her stories with you!

Collection

Below are a collection of my funnier sexcapades.

These are the stories my girlfriends snicker over. I still do too.

Sex should be an enjoyable experience. It should be memorable.

If anything, I hope these stories give you a belly-laugh, and make you think “thank god that’s not me”…

1. Overexcited

This guy I met walking home. He kept lapping past me, beeping his horn to get my attention. He finally realized that I wouldn’t respond to cat-calling and showboating, and decided to pull over to talk to me.

He was a little older than me, with beautiful Mediterranean features and a hint of an accent. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. These days, I wouldnt; but back then I was young and stupid.

We met a few times and on about the 3rd date we actually kissed. It wasn’t great. Too much tongue. Kissing can be taught though, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next time we met, we went for a drive. In broad daylight. He took me to a local parking spot in the middle of the afternoon. I knew what he was thinking and I knew I wasn’t up for being an exhibitionist.

He started to kiss me- thankfully, he’d taken my hints and his technique was much improved. That little kiss did way more for him than it did for me. He grabbed my hand and stuffed it down the front of his shorts, while exclaiming “see! You’ve got me all excited!”… to which I replied “you’re really not doing anything for me today; can you take me home now?!” I’ve never seen an erection deflate so fast!

2. Broke-Dick

I have known this guy basically my whole life; he’s a family friend.

We ran into each other when we were all grown up and hadn’t seen each other in years. After too much vodka and not enough thought, we bundled into a cab and went back to his place.

Initially; it wasn’t so bad. I knew him, even though I had never been this intimate with him before, so I was less hung-up than I’d normally be.

We decided to play with the handcuffs he had- which was a lot of fun. He was really physically strong, so moved me about however he liked (which I enjoyed).

After a few thrusts, we both felt a bit of pain. I told him he wasn’t doing it right. But he shook it off and tried to continue.

By now, he was really feeling sore and couldn’t work out why. He pulled out, and that’s when he saw it: blood.

Naturally; his first instinct was to ask if it was mine. It wasn’t. When he realized the bleeding was coming from him, he let out an almighty girl-scream and ran through the house naked, waking his housemates in the process.

He ran a shower and as the warm water lashed at his ripped frenulum, he screamed anew.

I’d managed to get loose of the cuffs and get changed to go check on him.

His housemates burst into fits of laughter when they realized what had happened and started chanting “broke-dick”. The name has stuck.

3. Banana-bender

I met this next one online. We had a really lovely date (anything with messina makes me happy) and there was a lot of chemistry.

He’d been in some kind of fitness competition and really badly hurt himself. I graciously offered him a massage. He accepted my offer, even though I told him that this wasn’t going to be one of those massages like in porn.

There will be no happy endings here!

Pfft! That bit of wishful thinking didn’t last long. I can’t help myself, after all.

When he pulled it out for me to look at, I had to choke back my laughter with a fake cough; it was literally so bent I bet he could pee around a corner! No joke- it’s basically a right angle.

Yes; we somehow managed to do the deed. Yes; it felt really weird. But surprisingly not that bad. A little bit of a quick-draw, but flawless technique.

collection.jpg

4. The Thrill of Brazil

I’d been on a really lovely date with this guy. Date number two was at my place; I was cooking.

Naturally, the privacy of my home gave us both other ideas. He’d said to me that he was “very dominant” and that he wanted to do something “special” with me.

As we started to get into it, he took out his “python”- the name he gave to it (really, it was not bigger in overall dimensions than a pork sausage- delusions of grandeur, perhaps?!) And proceeded to basically rub the tip of it over my face, like he was drawing an invisible mask of zorro on me, or performing some kind of weird blessing.

As he did this, he repeatedly whispered the word “special” to me. I was literally too stunned to move; face screwed up in a curious mix of distaste and disbelief.

I mean, come on! Who the hell does that in real life and finds it erotic?!

The python spat too early and he was so embarrassed about his performance that I haven’t heard from him since.

5. The Convict

I met him after a work party that I ditched in order to go party at a strip club instead.

One of his friends mistook me for an escort and tried to worm his hand up my skirt. The slap to the face I gave him made him see otherwise.

My convict called me over to him to apologize for his friends behavior and make sure that I was ok. He and I spent the rest of the night together- drinking, dancing and getting to know one another.

He propositioned me and I accepted. He had the bad – boy look. I didn’t think twice.

After a marathon round of gymnastic Sex , I said goodbye and he swore up one side and down another that he’d call me.

I was pretty “whatever” about it. But to my immense surprise, he did!

Though he would only call me on Wednesdays. And he’d flat out text and call me on weekends, trying to arrange to see me again.

It wasn’t until sometime later, when I questioned the pattern and asked him if he was secretly married or something that he finally admitted to me the truth- he was on weekend release from jail and gets a phone call every Wednesday.

Soon after this, he got into some more trouble and his weekend release was discontinued. I never heard from him again.

6. The ANZAC Day Punter

Let it be known that the wine they serve in RSL clubs played a massive part in this bad decision.

We met around the two-up table. I won most of his money. He kept betting with me to try and win it back, but also to have a reason to stay close to me.

By the end of the night I was well past the point of making a good decision. To drunk me, he was at least a solid 8/10, with short, curly hair, broad shoulders and kind eyes.

I dragged him home and had my way with him, apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

The next morning I woke up with a raging, head-splitting hangover… and a foreign arm draped across me. I carefully peeked over my shoulder to see what I’d done and threw up in my mouth a little. My 8/10 in the harsh light of day was barely a 2.

I sent my mum a message and asked her who he was. She said I apparently really liked him. I told her she was awful for letting him take me home.

I made him a coffee, then feigned a busy day ahead to force him to leave. I thought that’d be the end of it.

I was so wrong.

About 3 months later, I was in bed asleep; blissfully unaware that someone was calling my name from the front yard.

Yes- it was him.

The noise woke my mum though; so she went to investigate. And, in a move so awful I can only describe it as a lesser form of child abuse, she let him in and woke me up to speak to him.

He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was in love with me. I tried to mask my distaste as i told him there was someone else in my life (there wasn’t) and asked if he could get home ok.

He said he couldn’t, and suggested to sleep in my bed with me. I gave him two options; my lounge, or my lawn.

Thankfully; he had left by the time I woke up.

7. The Pro Soccer Player

We met in a nightclub and he wouldn’t let me go from the moment he came and introduced himself to me.

He was really sweet; a genuinely lovely guy. He was really humble, and was polite to everyone who came to speak to him that recognized him. That kindness impressed upon me.

We went back to my place and got stuck into it. Mum was supposed to be staying at her mates place that night, so I figured I’d have the place to myself. Midway through, I thought I heard the lock turn on the front door, but I wasn’t 100%, so I just kept going, until mum flicked on my bedroom light and screamed in shock.

I did plenty of screaming myself (“Mum! Close the door! ”). The mood was instantly killed. And I sent him packing through the back door.

Clearly, mum recognized him.

She had told her friends, too.

Who were all waiting to greet me in the morning with a Mexican wave, screaming “goal” and singing “ole! Ole! Ole!” at me.

It took a few weeks for that incident to die down.

She-Wolf xx

Yep, I got a big chuckle at the office when I read these on my lunch break! Hahaha…

For those wanting to read, here is the link for She-Wolf’s blog.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/33

#IBD4U

Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

  • Pick a topic
    • Choose a topic you’re passionate about
    • Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
    • Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
    • Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
  • Pick a blog name
    • Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
    • Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
  • Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
    • Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
    • Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
    • I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
  • Find a site that can host your blog
    • I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
    • Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
  • Keep entries short
    • I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
    • People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
  • Post blog content regularly
    • At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
    • People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
    • Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
  • Don’t start posting too soon
    • I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
  • Know your audience
    • You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
  • Plan, Plan, Plan
    • Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
    • Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
  • Schedule your posts
    • I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
    • I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
  • Don’t post too often
    • People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
  • Advertise your blog
    • Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
    • Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: April Fools

This comes from the same guest blogger who wrote Rug. This story is very familiar!

Thanks for sharing with us again!

April Fools

So, this is about a first date, not all that remarkable in terms of where we met or how, but it’s one that is firmly burned into my memory banks with the chemistry that we shared and for the journey that followed.

It started with a somewhat tentative swipe right based on an intriguing bio (switch, BDSM, kink, all of which I had no idea about at the time). And he was hot, really, really hot. We chat and we click and it’s fun and easy so we arrange a date for two days later. We both had plans with friends but agreed to meet later in the evening after we’d caught up with our friends properly and it would be fine to cross mingle.

We meet at a bar, I saw him approaching and we just locked eyes and smiled. We hug, grab a drink and head to the dance floor. It’s immediate chemistry. I announce I’m hungry after dancing and chatting for a bit and he disappears leaving me with his friend and my girlfriend. He reappears 5 minutes later with a sneaky cheeseburger, which is a semi drunk girls best friend. I was smitten.

Our friends all slowly disappear and we’re left on own own. Still hungry, we go have some blueberry pancakes and chat and laugh and flirt away for an hour or so. We leave, I insist on a piggy back ride, he happily obliges and we run off looking for a cab. In the interests of full disclosure I advise that I’m at the end of my period but I’d like him to come home with me anyway. He’s in and we’re off back to my place. I do love a man that’s not scared of the female body in all its sometimes gory glory.

It’s hot, primal and accepting. We get back to mine and it’s on, there’s kissing and more kissing and not tentative boring kissing, but really good, passionate hard kissing. The kind that leads to clothes coming off and being literally thrown down on the bed and being masterly attended to. He starts with finger fucking me in a way I never have been and I squirt and cum all over the place (note… I did not know what squirting was or what was happening at the time… but hey it felt good). I lost all inhibition that night and got absolutely lost in the moment. He’s clearly enjoying the experience and fucks me hard and well (and yes there was momentary pausing for condom action, because I’m not completely mad and nor was he).

when-you-refuse-to-see-the-bad-in-him-because-33088105

After all was said and done, I slept like a well sated nymph. I awake to a gorgeous adonis entangled up in the sheets with me and a bed that looks like a raging storm has blown through. I may have also had a mild hangover… We breakfast on coffee, tea and tiny teddy biscuits as I’m not by any stretch a chef or home maker. I drop him home and kiss him and say see you later friend. I did see him later, again and again for six months and it was a journey, my own personal sexual awakening. It was one I went into with my eyes wide open, knowing that it would lead to heartbreak (mine). But I’d do it all over again (and again).

Where do these people go after an experience like that? Why do they disappear? I don’t get it!

I wonder if we’ll get another installment? I don’t think this story is over!

#IBD4U

Die Hard Liberal

Since getting my new job (like 2 years ago – at that time, so not really new) it narrows down my selection pool for suitable men as there are some political aspects to it. So I am always up front with what I do for a living, usually within a few sentences, I’ll ask what they do if they haven’t already asked me, just to weed out those who may have a problem with it & what is essentially a big part of my life & my core values.

So when I tell someone what I do, most people don’t care but when you get the response like ‘really? I hate …’ or ‘you must have a cushy job’ (yeah right!) then you kind of know instantly that you don’t have the same core values. Usually because I’m stupid I will still try to have a conversation with this person but generally we end up deleting each other within a couple of days or even hours depending on how fired up we get.

So when I get this type of response from this guy including ‘are you vegan?’ when I say no, he says ‘well at least that’s something.’ So I poke questions at him of a political nature to find out what his view point is, what does he think about penalty rates, which sparks an entire debate to which we profusely disagree with each other to the point I am so fired up, he is calling workers unskilled, I tell him I’m defined as unskilled to him (having finished high school but never went to Uni) but I am one of these people he keeps putting down. I also ask what his view point is on marriage equality to which he says ‘once we’re married, I won’t care, everyone will be jealous of us anyway.’ OMG, is he serious?

During another chat with him, he tells me he likes my eyes & wants them… I was a bit confused as in he actually wants my actual eyes or he would just like blue eyes? He says he’s wants them for him as he’s stuck with brown – well I’m stuck with blue, we can’t change our eye colour?! I’m not sure if I should be scared that if I dated this guy, I’d end up eyeless. Yet for some reason, probably because of all you reading my blog, I do not delete him & see if this can get any funnier.

Origin #

When he asks for my email address to send me something that made him think of me, I am skeptical to send it to him, so I use my really old email I only use to sign up to newsletters when you join a loyalties program at a shop, which also doesn’t have my name on it. He sends me an email saying ‘I know we disagree with these things (but I know you like me) but I saw this & thought of you.’ Firstly – I know you like me? I mean who is this guy!? Secondly – he sent it from his work email so I was intrigued by his email address. So I google the address. The website included a photo of him (which was the same as his online profile photo) & podcasts so my boss & I listened & I realised even more that I am never going to be attracted to this guy. Not only do we have fundamentally different ideas & views on pretty much everything that I stand for but he keeps calling me ‘Babe.’ ‘Hey babe, what are you doing’ I’M NOT YOUR BABE, in fact the more you talk the more I dislike you.

He tries to chat to me more & more but I kind of ignore him. I finally respond to him & he asks what I’m doing, I say that I’m going to the pub with work people for a few drinks, he asks which one, I just say a local one by work. He responds, ‘I can’t stalk local pub, tell me which one, I want to meet your work friends.’ OMG – No way am I letting you meet my work friends, how embarrassing!

He chats again one night when I am bored & says that he wants to catch up so he can end up married to me, I say that I don’t know him well enough to want to meet him, he says let’s chat. I say ok, let’s chat, so I start going on about my work & his view points are so completely far fetched I ask him if he actually understands what my job is, when he says some thing also completely wrong, I just say look, this isn’t going to go anywhere, I think we should just look else where, he doesn’t respond but deletes me.

My boss kept saying to delete him but I needed him to delete me because if I did, he would of used my email incessantly until I responded, this way, he’s cut the ties & is less likely to contact me! Good bye you lunatic!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Blown Match

Well this reminds me of We’re fucked before, in a way. Casual tinder dates are fun, until someone is blown away! hahaha.

The Blown Match

This is the story of another really regrettable tinder hook-up. The chatting and the banter was excellent. He was funny, playful and engaging. He was pretty cute in his pictures (he photographs well; in real life, I wasn’t as into him). I agreed to a sneaky lunch time quickie at my place, as we were both really time poor.

He wanted the porn-star experience: full makeup, lingerie, heels- the whole bit. In return, I was going to get banged like a barn door in a hurricane. He’d dropped some dick pics, and I was seriously questioning how it was going to fit. He was roughly the dimensions of a large sweet potato. I pre-gamed some painkillers just in case.

His finger-work was rough and unskilled. For someone who works with his hands, I expected a little more dexterity. Id already lubed up, so just wanted to get stuck in. He barely managed to get the tip in, before pulling out and spraying me from neck to belly-button in baby gravy.

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I laid there, stunned. His after etiquette left much to be desired. He didn’t offer to get me a towel/ something to clean his mess up. He didn’t offer to do anything to make it enjoyable for me. He mumbled some vague comments about how into it he was and that “this has never happened before”- you can hear my eyes rolling as I write this. He got up and left. I was relieved.

He at least stuck to my rules- no mouth kissing, no cuddling after, no sleepovers. The only good thing about this encounter is that he missed my hair and face with his premature gush of goo.

Miss Slut xx

Seriously, I don’t understand men. Can someone please explain?!

#IBD4U

Origin #5

I initiate texts with Origin in the morning (to show I’m interested too – this is something I struggle with) but he’s home sick on the Wednesday with his sore throat. I don’t hear from him much & work is really busy so when I get a minute about 6:00 pm, he still sick but we text a little, he’s a little off, I just assume it’s cos he’s sick.

He says he’s having a relaxing bath & I’m say I’m going to do the same but with a glass of wine & more Downton Abbey he says he’s wishes he could join me; I say that if he wasn’t sick I would’ve let him. We talk about his sore rib & I say I hope it’s not from too much sex on the weekend, he says that “if it was, it was worth it, it was amazeballs” I say that I don’t think there is such a thing as too much sex but it was great for me too (not only do I agree with that, but he told me that’s part of the reason he & his ex-girlfriend broke up) he then tells me “that it was fucking amazing, you’re pretty good in the bedroom & you’re a cool person” & then he uses my real nickname & says “I enjoys your company” I swoon! He has been calling me shorty as a nickname but he used my real nickname that my friends use, it makes me realise that this guy actually likes me, this guy could be my boyfriend, he actually likes me, he’s not shy to tell me how much he likes me. It’s refreshing!

He asks me if there is anything I want him to do because he wants to please me (well there is lots but I want to discover that with him, not tell him over text) I tell him so but say that he can tell me what he might want to do too, but he says the same. I tell him how attracted I am to him because he makes me laugh all the time, even when I think about him at work. He says that’s cute & he’s glad I like hanging out with him because he definitely enjoys hanging out with me!

We text & text & text, it’s so good, we talk about the wine that I bought the first night & how we had it the next time, he says that we should go for a drive to some wineries to have a look one day (OMG YES!) I say I’d really like that… Future plans? I mean this guy is keen, I can’t believe it. I am so lucky!

He texts me at about 4:30 pm the next day just to see how my day is going, it’s so sweet & I love getting texts from him, I light up like a dickhead when I see his name & it’s so awesome that I’ve finally found someone who wants to see me as much as I want to see them! We text for a bit; he tells me to think of him naked at the gym & I will smash it. He didn’t go to work on the Thursday either, he sends me another random picture of himself sitting watching TV & I love it.

We somehow get onto a foot fetish topic which I say no I hate feet; he agrees but then says that I have cute little feet. Can this guy be for real? I mean surely I am not going to be this lucky! I just say thanks but he says that I also look heaps cute wearing my glasses as well as hot, he thinks they’re really cute & he wants to ‘do me’ in them, it’ll be sexy. I agree saying that we can definitely do that. He asks me again what I would want from him sexually, so I just say that I’d like if he pinned down my arms & fucked me hard while kissing my neck, he says done but now he’s hard thinking about it. He tells me to be open with him because it’ll help me out, I tell him that I will be but I need a bit more trust to do the things want to do but he makes me satisfied.

He asks what I’m doing on the weekend, which I’m free Friday night but he’s catching up with mates on Saturday night & I’m busy all day Saturday. He suggests a movie at my house on Friday night, even though he’s had two sick days, I don’t think much of it because I want to see him.

On Friday at 2:30 pm I get a text to ask how my day is going, I wonder if he’s about to cancel on me, from past experiences I just assume that’s what he’s going to do, but we arrange to meet at my house at 6:30 pm & we’ll grab take away & watch a movie. I’m so excited, our seventh date in four weeks (Why am I counting?). This is a record for me, I’m so excited to see him, I don’t get nervous & act like a dickhead, I am just me. Finally, a guy has hung around long enough to see the real me. Finally, a guy that likes me for me, that doesn’t want to just have have sex with me.

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I can’t believe that I have found someone that I wasn’t even going to add online because he’s only 32 (younger than me) & I wasn’t sure about his pictures & I hate that he has ‘a girl that looks after themselves’ on his profile but this guy is so funny, which is something I am so attracted too, it’s probably why I am liking him so much, that & how much he tells me I’m pretty or look good. I mean at one point he said he likes my house so much that I should be an interior designer. I am totally letting my guard down & letting him in… EEK! This guy can’t be for real, he can’t be for me!

#IBD4