Tag: WhatHappened?

Mechanic #3

I don’t hear from Mechanic for a while, when he randomly starts messaging me again – well he’d been messaging sporadically but not as regular as he had been. So we chat a bit & he wants to see me again, I am not just going to just let him come over to my house & fuck him after all this time, he can meet me for a drink first – be a gentleman. I need to have some self respect here. It’s been over 2 months since we saw each other last, yes I was overseas for 4 weeks of that, but he could’ve seen me since I got back, I mean he could’ve even been consistently messaging me, but he hasn’t.

We meet at a different local pub to the one we initially met at, but still nearby my house, he dicks me around with what time he can get there, which fucks me off since I am giving this guy another chance. I’m there already (which I hate being first) when he rocks up, in his dirty work uniform (because he’s been doing a cash job for a friend that took longer than he expected, apparently) looking grubby, greasy & a little older (somehow) but hot as fuck! Whoa…

We have a couple of drinks at the pub, the conversation flows really easily, like there was no 2 month gap. He tells me how good I look & he wishes that he had time for a shower. I find myself piecing back together my life plan I had in my head with him.

He talks a lot about his new Ford ute that he just got, it’s a hotted up purple thing – I’m a Holden girl so he loses points for getting a Ford but it’s not a deal breaker, if it is as HOT as he says it is. He challenges me to drive it… I silently thank my dad for making my siblings & I all learn to drive manual cars when we got our licenses & I take Mechanic’s keys, kissing him quickly on the lips as I give him mine. I figure it’s ok for him to drive my work car being he works where these cars are serviced, so he’d probably driven it before anyway. I get in his car, put the key in & turn it, but it won’t start, I try turning the key with my foot on the brake, with my foot on & off the clutch. But I can’t work out how to turn it on. FUCK. I don’t want to look like a blonde bimbo who can’t even start a fucking car. He drives up next to me & winds down the window with a fucking cheek y look on his face, just as I find a power button. I press it & the car starts, it’s loud & sounds so good. I hear him laugh as I accelerate out the carpark, showing off, hoping I don’t fuck this up, I am in heels! & I’m trying to impress this guy.

We get back to my house & he is impressed. He says that he didn’t think I’d be able to start it without his left, let alone drive it & was surprised I even knew how to start it (well that was a fluke that I found the button but I’m not a compete idiot). But of course I didn’t tell him that my dad made me learn to drive a manual & all my cars have been manuals, I drive an automatic because that’s what work give me. But I just smile smugly. He asks if he can have a shower because he’s really dirty from working at his mates place, so he’s kinda covered in car grease. I get him a towel & show him to the bathroom. I get us both a red wine & wait for him to shower. He takes a lot longer than I would’ve if I had a shower at his house – but I hope that’s because he’s comfortable or maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.

He gets out & I’m waiting for him in my bedroom, so he walks in & I drop to my knees & suck his cock straight away as he lets the towel drop. We have sex, which is kinda wild sex including my 2nd experience with anal, before I say to him that I want to fuck him in that hot little car of his. I’m not really sure why, I mean we’re at my house in my beautiful king sized bed, we’ve both been drinking, but I think he likes that idea because minutes later we’re back in his car, me bra & pantieless driving down to the beach to fuck in this sexy ass car. We get to the beach, we kiss with such passion, to be honest I am probably more drunk than I should be for this, but we work it out in a tiny ute cab when I slide the condom on him & we fuck for a bit before he takes it off & cums all over my bare chest. I’m covered in cum when we’re done & oddly I kinda like it. I think that’s a first for me, a guy cumming on me, I definitely won’t just let any guy do this, but I do like it with him.

We go back to my house & we fuck again, drinking more, getting more drunk that I spill my red wine in my bed & all over my carpet in my bedroom. (The stain still remains!) Fuck I am more drunk than I realise & I wonder if he should’ve just driven us to the beach & back. I’m not sure how drunk he is. It’s 1:00 am when we stop this sexcapade session & he rolls away & he ends up sleeping over, so I’m assuming he’s either crashed out or he’s too drunk to drive or maybe, just maybe he likes me enough to sleep over.

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We wake up in the morning & I am a little worse for wear, I can’t believe this guy has slept over… It’s a school night too (aka weeknight). I basically begged Origin to sleep over & after months he still wouldn’t. This guy, I didn’t even ask nor did he ask, yet he’s just spent the night at my house, including spooning me a little. I like having a man sleepover – though I don’t sleep all that well when they do. I haven’t had a guy sleep over in a while. I am very aware not to let that poison my mind into thinking that I like the guy just because he sleeps over.

He gets up & has another shower, I am very aware now as I wake, that I slept covered in his cum (something kind of sexy & naughty about that), so I think about joining him in the shower but I chicken out, we’ve woken up late & both have to get to work. I wait for him to leave before I jump in the shower myself. When I get out, I see his sunglasses sitting on my chest of draws in my bedroom. Was that intentional? So that I have to message him? Or so that he’d have to see me again? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy to play this game, I mean if he wants to see me, I think he’s the type to just see me. But I go anywhere without my sunnies, they are always on the top of my head, even at night sometimes… (Yes at night!) It hurts my eyes when I see other people squinting in the sun, so this must be a deliberate act, no one leaves their sunnies behind, surely?!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

#IBD4U

Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.

#IBD4U

Rob Rob

I meet Rob Rob on the anonymous app (seems to be working out for me more than bloody online dating!) & the first thing he asks me is if I am kinky, I say that I am but that I am also still new to it & he asks to add me on the chat app. I agree & he immediately chats to me & says that he has a kinky group that he can add me too, but there are rules. Rules, really? I’m semi new to this app too & I don’t know what this shit is. He sends them to me, about not private messaging (PM) someone without permission & that I must send a live face pic to him to prove that I am real. I think this is bullshit & I am not going to send it. But he keeps talking to me & I do eventually send him a face picture. (I learn later that the rules of no PM thing & live face pics is very common on this app)

He says that I am “too hot” to be added to the group (Errr, what?) & he wants to keep me for himself, he says that he doesn’t want other people talking to me. I don’t think much of it, in fact I feel pretty special that he’s chosen me – his picture is pretty cute. But as we talk, the main question I ask men now is if they are single, because I hate that they don’t tell you. He says that he is married (OH FFS!) but that they never have sex (So that makes it ok to look elsewhere?), that she’s not kinky at all, so when they do have sex it’s very vanilla & boring for him because he’s very dominant but he loves her & won’t leave her. I figure that this won’t go anywhere & so I make no effort to talk to this guy, I do ask him to add me to the kinky group when we do chat, about 1000 times but he won’t, he says that he’ll get too jealous if other guys hit on me & he can’t have me. What a crock of shit!052816 (11)He messages me ‘Hi’ everyday & I find myself actually liking waking up to his message every morning, like some sort of loser. This guy is married, what is the point? He’s a school teacher (if that’s even a true fact about him) & I chat to him most of the day, obviously when he’s available or not with his wife. We eventually swap skype accounts, where he helps me create my fake name, I become Kristy Cumsalot, my alter ego (mainly because we don’t swap real names) & it’s not long before the chats turn into skype calls.

The calls… Oh the calls, almost every morning he asks to call & I stupidly let him. He knows how to get me going, his voice, there is something about his voice, like velvety butter or something, so sexy & he knows how to turn me on… He makes me call him Sir, which I hate, maybe because he’s the first man to ask me to do that, maybe because it goes against my feminist side to let a man tell me what to do, but for some reason, I find myself obeying him… Every time I say Sir without being prompted, not only do I shock myself, but he lets out a little hmm sounds followed closely by Good Girl.

What’s so bad about this is that he’s the only guy showing any real interest in me at the moment, I mean I have just fucked a potential felon (See Unemployed) & I am at an all-time low with how I feel about myself & this is the type of guy I attract – a guy that can’t hurt me. How desperate am I for a bit of affection & love that I am so willing to chat to a married guy & have phone sex with him every few days? What kills me is that I am always available, I am always waiting for him to message me, always allowing him to call. When will there be a guy waiting by his phone for my message? FFS!

Around this time too, I’ve been watching a lot of porn, like I’ve said before I go through stages with porn, but I usually find a couple that I like & watch them over & over, I am more specific about what type of porn I watch.  I also become obsessed with different sex toys, buying just about everything, thinking maybe when/if I ever meet this guy we can use them. He tells me of a fantasy of meeting me on a hotel room, he’ll be there already & I’ll rock up in a tench coat, he’ll then be dominant & give me a true submissive experience. I buy some lingerie, some corsets, high heels, masks, toys… I buy so much stuff in the hopes that he & I will live out this hotel fantasy.

I also literally crack the shits with him at least once a week – so much so, that I wonder why he keeps messaging me, he’ll ask me if he can call whenever he is free & I’d run late to whatever I am going to because he wanted to jerk off while listening to me cum down the phone line. It pisses me off… When I want to chat to him, he’s offline, it’s always on his terms. He says that he’ll try to make more time for me, which of course we know is not true, nor will he. Its just a little carrot that he dangles & I chase like a stupid white rabbit. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

We chat for months, this routine of us chatting every day because he says ‘hi’ before I wake up every single day – I never initiate a chat with him ever, then him calling every few days or so to hear me cum while he shows me him rubbing his cock in his work car park. He says he wants to meet me, but every time we try to, one of us chickens out. I was sitting in the car chatting to him on the phone one day, when I finally say “Fine, give me your address” then he says that his wife will be home soon & he’s got to go to Tennis. What a fucking idiot I am. I finally get the courage to meet this married guy & go against all that I believe in & he chickens out.

I talk to him the whole time I am in the UK. In fact I end up sexting him when I am alone, which isn’t often but usually when my Aunty is in the shower or I find a bath in the hotels. When I have to return the hire car, I leave my Aunty in the hotel & leave with the intent to have phone sex with this guy, but he dicks me around & isn’t online, so I crack the shits. I also get lost getting to the fucking airport which just makes me angrier. It’s always on his bloody terms, always when he’s free… Here I am in the fucking UK still trying to get this man in Adelaide. Seriously!

But this guy somehow draws me in, I try to say goodbye several times but I never can, I don’t know why. Is it because I am such a fucking loser just wanting a guy to want me? Is it because I know this guy won’t hurt me because I can’t get attached? Is it just that this guy keeps messaging me, even when I’m a complete fucking bitch to him? This is a fucking real low point in my dating career, I am not even sure what I am doing. I mean why am I still talking to this guy on a very regular basis…

#IBD4U

Mechanic #2

Mechanic & I talk all week, it’s a great week for me. I am smitten with this guy. I know what you’re all thinking, wasn’t I just saying “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” over & over last week? Yep, I was! But somehow I get caught up in the fact that this hot guy likes me – not as hot as his pictures but he was still very nice eye candy! He sends me dumb work pictures of car motors & the computer on his lap while he’s working, or his lunch & I find myself doing the same. He sends a pic of his banana & I send a pic of me suggestively eating my banana – so cute we both had a banana that day for lunch! It’s like it’s meant to be! OMG, get a grip! Its fun & I seriously enjoy this time of a interaction with a boy, when you can be cheeky & secretly planning your wedding in your head but also knowing that in a week, he probably won’t even know your name!

I explain to him that I am going away for a month, 4 weeks to the UK (where he’s from) but that I do want to see him before I go away. He says that he wants to too! Eek, that’s so good! We can’t seem to get a date that works well for both of us & the day we’re supposed to catch up, the night before I leave for the UK, my sister goes into labour & has my baby niece. FUCK, I want to see my new baby niece of course, because she’ll be a month old when I get back from the UK, but also my vagina won’t get any action for a whole month while away with my aunty too! What a dilemma!

It’s later in the afternoon, even early evening, when we are allowed to go to the hospital to visit, so I suggest to Mechanic to come over my house later this evening when I get home, he says that works for him, (thank god) but says that we can do it another time if it’s going to be too rushed. I don’t want to wait that long to see him, being that tomorrow I am flying out for 4 weeks away, I don’t want him to forget me.

So when everyone starts leaving the hospital about 8:30 pm, I mentally thank everyone for giving my sister some time to rest – purely selfish reasons, of course. I message him as I’m walking out the hospital doors, speed home & he meets me at my house shortly after I get there. I open some wine & he bring some beers, we just kiss on the cheek hello & stand in the kitchen talking. I ask if he wants some music on which he decides that he’s going to be the DJ. Usually this is my forte, I hate others picking the music – music is my thing. We move to the couch & he goes through my Spotify, making me guess the names of the singer or name of the song – he should know not to play this game with me, I know too much about music, weirdly! I guess them all right, which impresses him. I am secretly smug!

The music he chooses is seriously the most hilarious music – old school 90’s, lots of it is dance music, very much old school tunes, like Dj BoBo – Love is all around

& Dj Scooter – the logical song

I’ve attached the YouTube songs for you that want to reminisce! Absolute fucking gold tracks! Hahaha. He literally played almost every song from Dj BoBo going on & on about him & imitating the way he talks… I’m in fits of laughter the whole night! It’s probably the best date I’ve ever had with a guy.

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We sit there playing music for ages, it’s hilarious, I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to this guy, how much we have in common, how easy it is to have him here at my house, helping himself to his beers in the fridge & more wine, rather than waiting till I offer or asking for another. OMG. I am starting to like this guy too much… Why do I do that? Why does my brain automatically imagine a life with a guy I’ve been on 2 dates with?

He tells me that while I’m in the UK that I need to try all these different snack foods that he loves & a certain brand of peanuts. I tell him that I will definitely try them & I memorise what he said so that I can message him while I’m away! (OMG you loser!)

It’s been a great night just chilling out, without the TV on at all, like Milky & I always did. He leans into kiss me & we have great sex, again we have to get into certain positions for it to be comfortable for me, but we get there with a bit of communication. (communication is key to a good relationship, sexually or otherwise!)

I feel like I say this too much, but I really like this guy! (In all honesty, I’ve only really liked – or seen myself with 3 guys since breaking up with Boyfriend over a decade ago) I like that he isn’t quick to jump up & run home, he’s not scared to stick around, even though I know I am getting attached to this guy, luckily tomorrow I fly out for the UK.

We actually talk a lot while I’m away! I send him pictures of me eating the snack foods that he recommended & I find myself packing a small packet of the nuts into my suitcase for him, when I show him me eating them & he says bring me back some! (What the actual fuck! You’re a creep!) We talk when I get back from my holiday too & I tell him that I brought him back some nuts, he’s says that I’m a legend. But we never catch up. I try to arrange something for before I go back to work, but can’t seem to lock it down. I get a bit pissed off & you know me, I stop initiating texts because I think he can contact me if he is interested.

Obviously he’s not.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

#IBD4U

Unemployed #2

I am not sure why I keep chatting to Unemployed to be honest. He is a stereotypical ghetto type boy needing someone to help him. I mean he’s struggling to get a job, that I even help him with his resume because he sounds like an uneducated man who has no idea how to apply for a job. I also enlist my best friend to help him as well, but I think she sounds too smart & I tone down her version a lot.

I feel sorry for him for some reason & take him on like a little project! I really do believe his story that the young girl lured him in. I’ve seen it before, I mean he is totally in the wrong for even thinking it was ok with a 15 year old, I get that, I’m not justifying it at all, however I just think he needs a friend.

Have you seen the movie Dead Man Walking? Great movie, a real tear jerker but definitely worth the watch, such an amazing film – I suggest you watch it. (Not that it makes a difference to this blog, but everyone should watch it!) Right now, I feel like I am Susan Sarandon, helping a convict, not by judging or by offering advice but just being there for him. (However, I’m clearly not a nun!)

unemployed #2

We go out for lunch one day in the city, I meet him while on holidays, we order food & drinks & I end up paying for the whole thing (OMG I am such a fucking loser!) & I don’t even enjoy myself to be honest, it’s forced & I feel weird, like a counselor or something – even though I just said that’s what I felt like he needed, but I feel like I am going through stuff too & probably not in the right mind set to be counselling someone. I vauge out, listening to him talk about what he wants to do with his life, he has about 20 different ideas on the go at once.

Around this time, I get into kayaking with a friend & purchase 2 of my own. I am keen to introduce others to the activity & I do with a bunch of different friends over the following months. He says he wants to go with me, so I say he can come with me one day, so one weekend he drives the hour & a half to my house to go kayaking. He’s not that good at it but he tries, which is good. We have a nice day on the river, it’s a great activity because I don’t have to entertain him or feel awkward about the fact I have had sex with this dude who may be going to jail!

It’s a fun day; I actually have a good time with him, showing him my new passion, I’ve never been good at sports but I like that I am able to show him what this is like & how fun it is. I really feel like he’s had a sheltered life. He says he has a really good time & wants to do it again. We hug goodbye, that’s about all I can handle & I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to do anything more with me anyway but is happy to have a friend.

A few weeks, maybe months go by, I chat to him a bit online or via text, but we don’t talk about catching up again. When he messages me to tell me that his court hearing/sentence date is coming up and he wants to go out for a special dinner. I say that’s a good idea, not thinking that he meant a special dinner with me, assuming his last day of potential freedom would be spent with his family & cat!

He invites me dinner at Windy Point Restaurant (Fancy! – for those not in Adelaide, it’s a beautiful expensive restaurant that has magnificent views over Adelaide) & not really a place you go with a random guy, more like the place you go to when you are celebrating an anniversary or when you are going to propose to your partner. It’s quite hilarious that he’s taking me there, well not taking me, he’s made it quite clear he has no money & I am paying for myself. But he wanted to spend the last night with me.

When the bill arrives he works out exactly what he has spent & not a cent more, I don’t have enough cash so I have to transfer some money to him via internet banking, I think it was about $20. He actually sends me his bank details too, so I transfer the money to him.

I never hear from him again, so I can only assume that he got jail time for his relationship with the 14 year old, but I guess I will never know. Maybe he will pop back up one day? I don’t know. I will wait & see… I hope by then I have learnt to ignore!

#IBD4U

Mechanic

My luck may have changed; this very cute guy, good looking, like hot AF good looking, probably a dream guy in the looks department for me, he is just my type! Tick. Like more hot than normal, I’m totally punching above my weight here. I can’t stress enough how cute he is in his pictures! I’m so surprised when he actually chats to me?! Tick! OMG, he’s also bloody funny. Tick! & He’s my age, not a ridiculously young dude, not an old fart, he’s only 2 years older! OMG. Wow, this one is too good to be true! I’m sure of it. So I say my new mantra over & over “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” firstly this guy probably isn’t going to be keen on me & secondly it’s only been a few months since the Origin debacle.

I can’t even remember what site we met on, but it had a terrible name like ‘DomDates.com’ or something equally stupid, I got a lot of attention on there, maybe because I was the only normal looking one or because I wasn’t a scammer from overseas, or because I was the only chick who knew about this site. I was surprised that he was so interested in me, surely there were other people online that would be better than me. (Serious self-esteem issues, I know, I am working on it!) When he tells me that he’s British, I almost cream my pants, seriously I don’t think he can get any better (Remembering my imaginary checklist).

“I must not get attached, I must not get attached”

We stop talking on the stupid website that we met on & switch to the chat app. I delete my account on that site. Like it’s so dodgy! Mechanic suggests that we meet, which makes my tummy twist in knots, but I say yes, of course I want to meet this guy! We choose a less dodgy pub near me, but let’s face it, it’s the south, so it’s still dodgy. We decide on a game of pool & a drink. I remember thinking wow when I first saw him, this guy is bloody hot (a bit older than his photos, he kind of has a bit of salt & pepper in his hair, few more wrinkles, probably not as buff as the pictures but still very attractive), he’s very funny & can actually hold a conversation, plus he’s British! (Must not forget that!) He has a slight accent, it’s so sexy! I’m so surprised that he keeps offering to buy more drinks & to play more games of pool. He pays for most of it too, maybe, just maybe this guy could be genuine! Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am?! He hasn’t run for the door yet!

We play pool, I am not too bad at the game but when I am losing, I try to distract him by bending over & pulling down my top a little bit to show my cleavage, then giggle. It works. We enjoy some friendly, cheeky banter. It’s really a fun night & I remember a friend once telling me that I need to show my fun side, well here I am showing my fun side! I’m relaxed & having a good time without overthinking anything I am saying or doing. He is so naturally funny, saying one liners that I love, a little like Origin did but this is the first date I’ve been on that I haven’t sat there thinking about someone else.

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As the bar closes, yes the bar closes, he walks me to my car, we stand outside, making small talk, before he leans in & kisses me… We are so good at everything that I wonder if we’ll be good at kissing… YEP! We are!! He’s so super fucking hot (Calm down!) Then I can’t help it, the words are out of my mouth before I even realise what I am saying, I ask him if he wants to come back to my house. Of course, he says yes.

We go back to my house & I offer him a drink before he’s kissing me again, I take him into my room, we’re both naked quickly & I kneel on the floor & suck his cock. For the first time in a long time, maybe even the first time… I swallow a guy’s cum, which I would NEVER do for a random, I figure if they want the best of me, then they need to earn the best of me. I’m not sure what made me do it with him to be honest. Maybe this chemistry I’m feeling, maybe it’s the fact I find him so attractive, I’m not sure or maybe it’s just the little bit of liquid courage…

We have sex & it’s really really good sex, though his cock is quite big & hurts me in some positions (I’m personally not a fan of a huge cock, they seem to hurt me – must be something to do with the way my insides are, it’s all about the width & shape for me. I know others don’t agree but that’s just me. Also in my experience guys with giant cocks usually aren’t that good in bed as they think a big cock is all it takes… Guys with smaller cocks seem to work a bit harder & are far better.) But it’s still good with Mechanic once we work it out & shift into a comfortable position. He hangs around for a little while but then he gets up to leave, we kiss goodbye & I hope that I see him again, but I’m not holding out any hope.

He messages me the next day… EEK! That puts a huge fucking smile on my dial that I can’t wipe off! We continue to chat, the banter is cheeky, but not gross. I find out that he actually works as a mechanic (I’m sure you did not see that coming! Hahaha) at the dealer where our work cars are from & serviced, yeah that’s bloody Adelaide for you! I don’t ever have to go to the dealer because they pick up our cars from work when they get serviced, but all of a sudden I wish like hell there was a reason to drop my car off!

#IBD4U

Flaccid #2

So what is it about me, that I am good enough to sleep with once, forget about & then when they see me online again when I stupidly reactive my accounts that they decide that they want to see me again. Or is it that they just have had no other options & I’m stupid enough to let them back into my life?!

Well this guy Flaccid who couldn’t even keep hard when we had sex a but he did almost make me cum – I mean almost isn’t as good as making me cum, I am not sure why being close to making me cum is a good thing (I guess I’m trying to be positive), but I guess it was the way he was going to make me cum… Read the previous blog about him…

When I give him my number again I think what the hell am I doing? He calls me one night & we almost end up having phone sex, but I’ve never done that before so it feels a little weird for me, especially with a random dude but I’m not sure I am very good at vocalising what I think they should do or what I would do. I mean I’m not mute when I have sex with someone, I can do it when they are touching me in real life a little & I sort of do it over text but I don’t know if I can do it with a random over the phone.

He texts me a few times over the course of few weeks, but I end up ignoring him after a while, I assume that it’s just going to be sex & I am over just being a sex toy for men. I want something more; I want to be taken out on dates & shown a good time. I want to be spoiled, I want someone to look at me & think they never want to see anyone else, that I am it!

If I keep this casual thing going then a I ever going to find that one person who wants me? Is there actually someone out there for me? I stop talking to him for months.

flaccid #2

So with this in mind, I’m not sure why I talk to this guy again when he pops back up months later… How & why he keeps coming back into my life but he does & I seem to be only too keen to let him. WTF is wrong with me? Clearly there is something wrong with them as they are still single, but then I mean I am still single too, but that’s also because these are the types of guys I am left with!

He tells me that he wants to catch up with me as soon as he can, he’s leaving to go to the UK for a year for work. Right, so what is the point of this? Why am I even considering this? We message & message but he always has an excuse as he’s sold his car already & can’t get to my house, he’s living with family so I can’t go to see him. Blah blah blah.

It’s been almost a whole year since we fucked the first time, when I allow him to come over. This time we’ve talked about what he should do if he goes soft & I remind him how good he was when he actually almost made me cum – just to boost his ego. When he comes over, we will just fuck, there is no small talk or anything because well lets face it, I’m never going to see him again after tonight, he leaves in a few days to go overseas & I’ll probably never talk to him again after tonight either.

So he comes over & the sex is actually really good, it goes for a while, he goes down on me & he makes me cum, which surprises me, I mean I figured that he would get me close, but I can tell you that I was convinced he’d get me over the edge! I’m glad he did. He hangs around for a little while, just lying there naked, chatting. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

When he gets to the UK, he starts messaging me on what’s app for his UK number, we message, I think mainly for him to get validation from me that I had a good time this time. I put his mind at ease. He starts his convo with a dick pic asking me what I think, I mean I hate when they ask, what are you supposed to say? I say it looks big & try to move on.

We talk a lot about porn, I have been watching a lot lately, not sure why, I seem to go through phases of watching lots or not watching it at all. But in this phase, I am watching it daily – I have very specific tastes on what I watch, I won’t just watch anything & I hate home made porn… It’s about this time that I am heading to the UK with my Aunty. I keep in contact with him because I think that we might be able to catch up, if we’re in the same city. Not sure how I’ll get away from my aunt, but I’ll work something out since I probably won’t have sex for a month while away.

I also suggest to him that he buys himself a fleshlight (A male sex toy, basically a hole in a tube that they can masturbate with) because he seems to jerk off a lot, which is odd being that his nickname from me is Flaccid but oh well. He buys one & I regret suggesting it because he sends me videos all the time of him using it. Why do men do that? I don’t give a fuck if you cum. I cum every day by myself & don’t video for any one… Actually I’m certain guys would love it if I did.

We never meet up while I’m in the UK. We message the whole time though but it never happens. We talk even more when I get home from the trip, but he still has another year or so away. We talk about when he’s coming home, but I will be in Hawaii when he gets home. I’m also talking to multiple other guys (stories to come) that I don’t want to meet him so I ignore his final messages to me on his UK number.

He has messaged me about 2 years later, he found my phone number (I’d been though a lot – stories to come) & so we messaged a bit but he again didn’t have a car & then was drunk & wouldn’t catch a taxi/uber, so I’ve ignored everything since then. He messages again & I finally ask “why are you messaging me?” he replies that he just wanted to say hi, I ask “just hi?” but he never responds… All I wanted to know was what he wanted… Did he want to just fuck or does he want more. Maybe I didn’t word it right but seriously I don’t even care that he never responds, I’m sick of games.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

#IBD4U

Dildo

Meeting a guy on the anonymous chat app seems to be the best way to meet men while I am not really looking for a relationship at the moment. I struggle with actual dating apps. So when I travel for work, I think I will try to see if I can find a casual thing in the hotel room while I was away – kinda like a little sneaky fantasy. I hadn’t ever met someone on a work trip before because I had calmed down a little bit with the casual sex thing.

Dildo sent me his pic & we chatted a while before my trip. I thought why not be a little big naughty while away for work. It seemed like it might be fun. He talked a little dirty with me, kinda in a creepy way that’s not fun, including talking about sex toys with me but I persevere with the convo, maybe because I am so keen on this little fantasy, I don’t know why!

He decides that when we meet, he’s going to buy me a vibrator or dildo and use it on me. Rightio. Not the first time a guy has used a vibe on me but certainly the first time a guy has offered to buy me a toy to use on me. He also informs me he has a magic tongue. (Bahahaha – yeah sure you do, dude.)While I don’t believe this magic bullshit, I am a little intrigued to meet this guy.

After work I buy a bottle of wine to curb the anxiety of inviting a random guy to my hotel room when I am miles from home. He’s told me that he’s been to the one & only sex shop in town to buy me a dildo. I have half the bottle of shiraz before he gets there. Maybe that was a major mistake.

He doesn’t look like his pic at all, he is dirty including his fingernails, he’s young & not at all like his pictures. He’s in work clothes that are also dirty (like as if he didn’t change before he came to meet me.) I wonder how I’ve got this so wrong & I immediately start to wonder how I am going to get out of this. I start to feel really bad for this guy. Once he takes his filthy beanie off, his hair looks like a cancer patient would… I wonder how he’ll ever get anyone to have sex with him (fuck I’m a bitch). He shows me the box that the dildo came in, but he never uses it on me but we talk about its features & what settings it has, as it was some sort of electronic dildo. This is so awkward, that I give him some pity sex where he uses a condom that has tingling gel on it… That’s a first for me & it feels weird. I do not enjoy that.

dildo

When he uses his “Magic Tongue” I feel no magic whatsoever & I get him to finish because this is not doing anything for me, I am so done here… He stands up afterwards looking at his phone saying his mum has been calling & he has to go. I don’t even hide that I am happy about that.

A few days later he’s messaging me when I’m back home. I decide to unbox the dido & have a look at it, as I untangle the cord, it comes straight out the base & the thing is deemed unless, broken – or maybe it’s just a regular dildo now (hahaha). I tell the guy since he’s messaging & he tells me that he goes back into the sex shop to tell them it broke & they gave him 50% off another dildo or vibrator. I can assure you, he’s never going to use it with me! I throw the broken toy in the bin & stop replying to his messages.

#IBD4U

Unemployed

I met Unemployed on an app not for dating, it’s an anonymous app where you post bullshit “secrets”, it’s really designed for teenagers but old farts like me get on there too, like sad old losers… but he & I started chatting a lot. It was quite easy to chat to him, but I was cautious because he was so much younger than me. But he seemed to be going through a rough time, his fiancé had just left him, she left during the night so when he woke up, she was gone & the ring was on his pillow (bit dramatic!). He was also back living with his grandma because he couldn’t live with his parents & I think at some point he’d been living with her family too. He’d also lost his job in the process of all this & was struggling to get a new one. But every day that I talked to him, he had a new idea about what he was going to do with his future or what courses he was going to take. He was just that type of guy, who couldn’t work out what he wanted to do or was just after a quick buck.

Just after I met him online, we hadn’t obviously met in real life yet, I was travelling for work to Mt Gambier about 5 hours from home, he says that he’ll come down to the South East to meet me. Now this is weird, firstly, because I actually live on the other side of the city to him, about an hour & a half away which has been an issue for him regarding petrol, so I don’t know why he thought a 5 hour drive was better. I knew I had someone lined up while down there (see next post) & I also didn’t know what this guy would be like, knowing my luck, he’d be a douche & then I’d be stuck with him in my hotel room while I work for a week & I’m too nice to say that he needs to leave. I somehow get out of meeting him in Mt Gambier.

Because he lives with his Grandma, the only option to meet is at my house. (Well I guess we could go out but he’s got no money.) I am on my way home from a different work day trip, a few hours away from home, he starts to freak out that I’m going to give him the wrong address as he’s had that happen to him before (OMG women are mean!) I reassure him by sending him a picture of my house. When he arrives at my house, I have a work crisis going on & I need to send an email urgently, I feel a bit bad but work is a priority for me, so I get him a drink & write my email while he waits patiently.

He is younger than me by about 8 years or so, I think he is about 26, his pics weren’t really that great so he does look better than his pics (Yes, I am aware I say that about most guys!) however he still isn’t my usual type. Not that I think I have a type but he wasn’t really that attractive to me.

We watch Netflix & talk a bit. I’m bloody tired from a long drive (people don’t realise how tiring driving can be for work, plus the actual work you have to do once at the location then drive hours home) so as it gets later & later, I start to fall asleep. In the end I realise he isn’t going to go home so I suggest we go to bed. I honestly can’t remember what I wore to bed that night (I’m assuming I wasn’t naked), I fall asleep instantly & kinda feel bad because I can’t stay awake. It’s probably the first time since Boyfriend where I have actually slept next to a man without having sex with them.

Next morning however, he’s trying it on, spooning me, rubbing my sides, so I wake up & we have sex. He’s really thoughtful while we have sex making me cum many many times before we do anything else – I did actually get a record of 28 orgasms that morning – why I count, I don’t know… But afterwards we’re lying there & he says he has to tell me something. WARNING! WTF could he tell me after sex? That he’s got a wife? An STI? That I’m shit in bed? What? What is it? I lie there with a million thoughts going through my head, this is possibly the worst time to tell someone something. I never saw this coming!

“If I disappear for a while,” OMFG, what the fuck! “Don’t worry, I will come back” Ok dude, what on earth is going on. Guy’s disappearing isn’t something new to me, however, guys telling me they are going to disappear & come back, is new. Curiosity gets me & I ask what he means. He hesitates before saying “I might be going to jail” OH HOLY FUCK!!!!!! I want to jump up & run away, this dude is in my fucking bed! I’m naked. He’s naked. I have just fucked him! I ask ‘why‘ as calm as I can, scared about what he might say. He tells me that his last girlfriend after his fiancé, that he met online – on the anonymous app, told him she was 15 however she was actually only 14. Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Have I just had sex with a child predator?

unemployed

He explains the story & says his lawyer says he has a good case as he letters & emails from the 14 year old girlfriend about her love for him & that she didn’t want her mum to find out. However her mum did found out & that is how he was in this position – he says he’s got a good lawyer, I’m assuming it’s a pro bono type situation or legal aid, but he seems optimistic. I don’t really remember how I get this guy out my house but he leaves & I have a shower for an hour.

#IBD4U

Jerk Off #2

So before I met Origin I was chatting to this guy Jerk Off on snapchat, you may not remember him or the story, as he was no one really of significance. But he of course sends me unsolicited dick pics including a video of him jerking off which I rapidly saved (why do I save them?!), but a few friends would ask to show them pics, especially ones who had been in relationships for a long time. (I’m still not 100% sure why men send them or what they think we do with them but I get a lot, at one stage there I was getting an average of one per day!)

This guy lives so far away from me, yet he constantly snapchats me every few days to hook up with him. I’ve kept him in the loop because you never know what might happen & look I’m still single after all, after disaster after disaster & the recent disaster with Origin, I figure that he might be a good rebound (so to speak) since I’m going to be staying in the country town a few over from where he lives in a few nights after heading out to a local pub for a friends birthday.

He snapchats me all through the night, I shamelessly ask him to come to my friend’s house to have sex with me, but he says no. (WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!) I don’t get this guy, he knows that we live far apart & this is probably the closest we’ll ever be, distance wise, but he doesn’t want to come over. I go to bed feeling like a really big fool, another guy I offer myself on a platter too, rejects me. Could things get any worse?

He snapchats me the next day to see how I’m feeling asking me if I was wearing cute underwear, which I tell him I was & that it’s his loss. He agrees but I stop talking to him. I can’t keep doing this to myself, I can’t keep offering myself up for just no strings sex & still end up in bed alone. I feel so stupid. I can’t even believe that this is happening to me again, for like the twentieth time in my life.

It was probably for the best to be honest, I mean how would I explain that to my friend or their friends the next day that I had some random dude come over & fuck me. I mean that would have probably been the worst walk of shame. Though I probably wouldn’t have let him sleep over, I would’ve kicked him out. But I have no idea where people were sleeping, I mean he could’ve walked past anyone.

Jerkoff #2

We keep snapchatting for a few weeks – why I don’t know, I don’t really know why he keeps messaging me, I never initiate a message with this guy. It’s clearly never going anywhere. I delete him off my account after a few months. Every time I am online dating again, he pops up as a match. But clearly we’re just never going anywhere. This is a colossal waste of my time, as usual!

UPDATE: I deleted him from my snapchat but he pops up online ALL the time whenever I fall back into the trap of online dating again. I never accept his requests every again. I need to start making decisions for myself – not with my vagina!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Honest, Unfiltered Advice

Some of this is hard to read because it’s so true for me… I think we sometimes like to ignore the reality for the fantasy, I am so guilty of it.

Honest, Unfiltered Advice

This will be a constant work-in-progress: read through these when you have problem or aren’t sure what to do.

I’m being blunt for a reason. Some days, even I get tired of being a “Dear Abby” for my nearest and dearest.

So here they are- some pearls of wisdom from the she-wolf herself:

  • if you have to ask if you should leave; you already know the answer. You don’t need someone else to validate you. It’s your damn life.
  • If things haven’t changed by now, they won’t. Ever.
  • If you want to put up with the same shit day in, day out, then why are we even having this conversation?!
  • No-one is coming to save you, so stop being such a sook and get your shit together.
  • A man won’t fix your problems. Stop waiting for a knight in shining armour, because they’re all fucking retards wrapped in tin foil.
  • A vibrator might not take out the trash or hug you, but it won’t cheat, lie or ruin your life either.
  • If you don’t even respect/love/want/ care for yourself, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to, either.
  • It’s ok to just cut people off without saying goodbye.
  • If you have to seek validation from other men by way of things like lingerie selfies/ videos, because your man isn’t appreciating you as much as you’d like, then you really need to ask yourself if you should be marrying him.
  • There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.
  • The grass may look greener in the other side, but it’s likely going to be fertilised with the same shit.
  • If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you
  • Don’t listen to your heart, because your heart is a fucking idiot. Listen to your brain and your gut. They have more sense.

Here is the link to this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/246

guest blogger honest unfiltered advice

I’ve said it before that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you, something I’m still working on!

#IBD4U

Who’s Next?

Who’s next… Well… Who? No one! That’s who? Oh god, I’m going to be alone forever! I mean, I have been at this point before, where I have deleted all my online accounts, wallowing in my own self pity & not dated anyone, nor talked to boys online. But this time it’s different – yeah right! I know this is all fresh & so I can’t see my future, but I really am serious when I say that I can’t see a future with a man in it. I am unable to cry about it ending with Origin. I am a stone. my heart is closing over (if it was ever open) & I am building up those walls. (I mean, if they were ever down!)

There was this woman at my previous job who never wanted kids (like me) & so she says that’s why she never married but she travelled & retired quite happily then travelled some more. I say to my friends who know her that I am going to be her, the childless lady who travels. What is so wrong with that? There are worse things to be, I guess. Like being that someone in an unhappy relationship that won’t/can’t leave. Or someone bitter because they never had kids but wanted them? Someone who had kids & then stuck with the man because of the kids – miserable but thinking it’s the best things for the kids… There are much worse things I guess.

Before this blog, I really thought there was someone out there for everyone, I did believe in ‘The One’. That there is only one perfect person for each person & when you find that one you are mates for life. Now I’m beginning to realise that there isn’t such a thing as ‘The One’ – I mean one person on the planet of 7 billion people & there is just one perfect person for you, who also just happens to also live in Adelaide? I mean what!? That’s just ludicrous… Why do we believe this “ONE” bullshit…

I now believe in fate – that everyone we meet is a blessing & a lesson. The we have multiple soul mates… They are part of our destiny. Everything is a matter of timing. Timing is everything. If the timing isn’t right but the person is then it’s never going to work. I think that timing is the most important part of dating. & I believe that there may be more than one perfect person for you & the timing was right for you both. So you may be lucky enough to have multiple epic love stories, but that doesn’t mean that the first or your second or even your third love story wasn’t “the one”, it was just “the one” for that period of your life.

But how to I recover from this set back, how do I move on & trust another guy yet again after all these stories? The next guy is going to have to work so hard to win me over & make me believe that they are interested in me, I don’t think I can trust that again. Therefore judging from my past experiences, I don’t think there is such a guy to who will ever like me enough to really make that effort. Maybe I am too hard work? & even if they do make such an effort, how am I going to believe that it is actually real? I mean look at what happened with Origin. What about Milky? Even Cruise put in a great deal of effort yet I’m still alone & no closer to believing that there is someone out there for me.

One of my friends says that I have to keep trying because look how much closer I am getting each time with each man, I mean since Boyfriend, Milky is the longest thing I’ve been involved in. Plus with Origin, I put myself out there with things I said, things I did, just to let him know I was interested & he reciprocated those actions & words, so my point is how do I believe these words again? But a friend says that I need to keep going because the next one will fight for me. I am not quite so optimistic, but I do hope that someday the timing is right with someone that we just fit.

#IBD4U

Origin #10

I get up early, washing my hair, putting on a full face of makeup (so that by the time he gets here it’ll be faded like I didn’t do it for him – yes I’m a nutcase!) cleaning my house, waiting for Origin to text me to say that he wants to catch up. The morning passes by without hearing from him. I try not to read into it being he said he was out last night, maybe he is sleeping in. Maybe he decided not to cancel on his mates & go out with them anyway.

I start to think this is not a good idea, waiting around for him to text me, what have I done? Do I not remember what caused me to stop talking to him in the first place? He started backing off & not contacting me as much, he’s looking for something else, he’s looking for someone else! But stupidly I am not ready to give up on this one.

Just before 2:00 pm, I get a text saying he’s got a few things that he has to do today so he can’t catch up but offers up dinner on Wednesday night instead. I try to hide my disappointment but I agree to Wednesday dinner, thinking that a date is a better idea than him coming over to my house anyway & us ending up having sex & not sorting anything out. There is so much I want to tell him & I really want to see him too.

I guess my main concern is that I got the feeling he was really into me, I thought this was going somewhere so now how am I supposed to know what is going on? Or what he is thinking? The good part about this now, is that I wasn’t upset when he bailed today. I’m just angry, I think that’s what I need, is for this to fizzle out rather than me end it before I am ready to give up.

I text him on Monday, he responds & we have a short chat, it’s a bit weird. Late Tuesday night he asks how I am; I reply & ask the same. He says he’s sick (again – really?! Not this old chestnut…) but we have some friendly banter about how he should listen to me Dr IBD4U & he says that’s sexy, I say that I’ll change my profession tomorrow & he says Fuck Yes. Now all the while we’re talking about how sick he is, I know that this is code for I’m going to bail on you tomorrow night. Sure enough at about 4:30 pm on Wednesday, I get the text saying he’s in bed not well but am he’s free this weekend. This is what I wanted, my feelings are rapidly evaporating, he’s a leopard showing his true spots. I agree to a weekend movie date but will bet $10000 that I never see this guy again!

As I suspected, I don’t hear from him about the movie date & I decided not to message him to initiate it. I expect never to hear from him again, which is now ok, I am not sad at all, I am now quite ready to let him go. Yet at 12:00 am on Saturday night/Sunday morning I get a message asking how my night was going (he knew I was going out) I say I’m having a good night, my feet hurt so that’s a good sign. He says he’s tired & going to bed. WTF? I don’t respond, why the hell did he bother texting me at all?

Sunday night about 9:00 pm he asks how I pulled up & we text for a bit; he says he’s feeling better with antibiotics but his friend’s dad died & he just found out. He changes the subject to talk about other stuff but I end up stopping the conversation. What is with this guy? It’s been over two weeks since we saw each other & he’s still keen to text me but I am still safe with my $10000 bet!

Origin #10

One morning when I can’t sleep, I am going through my phone when I decide to re-read every text we ever sent each other. As I start I think ‘this isn’t going to end well for me’ but as I read I see why I liked him & it wasn’t all in my head that he liked me. But I read a very interesting text that I either glossed over when he said it or I just didn’t take it in.

We were talking about meeting people from online & what the worst parts are (now you know I have A LOT of stories so it’s probably why I didn’t really get his response) I was too busy telling him about some of the douches I have met when he said that he hasn’t met anyone from online yet. So, I was the first person he met online? I was the first person he met since his ex-girlfriend of 5 years! What if I reacted to that rather than being too busy telling him some of my fucking stupid stories, would things be different? Would I have freaked out knowing he had only met me & probably needed to spread his wild oats after his relationship? Maybe not, maybe I would’ve kept my guard up a bit. Perhaps I could’ve got a little distance – kept seeing other people myself but taken it slow & seen where it went with him? Or would I still have gotten attached to him regardless but I would’ve been in deeper therefore I would’ve ended up more hurt?

Anyway I feel like it’s still not the end with this guy & I don’t know why we don’t cut ties with each other, he is looking for someone else. (A trophy wife – his texts also revealed that he liked his girl to get dressed up when she met his friends – Don’t know how I glossed over that too! Plus, with the chick he was stalking online, she was that type of girl) but I mean his profile when we met did say ‘a girl who looks after herself.’

He is looking for a trophy wife (which is ironic that his ex wasn’t a trophy wife – maybe that’s why they broke up?!) & I’m looking for what? I am looking for someone like him, someone naturally funny with one-liners, someone who compliments me on the way I look – who genuinely thinks that and someone who wants to see me. But most of all I want someone to love me.

I’m actually now really scared that that fear is making me desperate when a guy shows me a bit of affection!

#IBD4U

What If?

When dating, I personally think the worst possible sentence you can say to yourself is ‘What if?’ It’s so dangerous for a person like me who overthinks EVERY single scenario in my head until I make a problem that wasn’t there to begin with.

What if I did this…?

What if I did that instead…?

What if I didn’t send that text…?

What if I just sent that text…?

What if I just let go of all these what if’s & just lived in the moment?

The worst part of that too, is there is no way of knowing if those ‘what ifs’ would’ve changed your life forever. If you sent that text instead of waiting for him to text, if you’d made a move to kiss him rather than waiting for him to make the move would the whole outcome have been different? Would you still be single? Would you have ended up exactly where you are anyway but had a different path? Would it have may you happier or would you still be the same?

I like to dream up these fantasy scenarios & playing them out where it goes in my favour but when I need a good cry (which doesn’t happen often) I pretend that it didn’t go in my favour – usually this is when I am in the shower & of course I’m in the rain. Hahaha. I’m not sure if this makes me weird, but I bet that there are others out there who do the same (I’m like Nina Proudman from the Aussie TV show Offspring who does exactly the same thing – So I’m not entirely alone!). I guess when you’ve been single for as long as I have, you have nothing to do but dream up scenarios about a fictitious boyfriend, who rolls over to spoon you!

What If

What if, what if, what if, my life could be so different with every single one of these guys in this blog. Imagine if I had of text Sparky rather than just waiting for him to ‘let me know’ could that have been something more? What if I just let things keep progressing with Milky & see if that turned into something more naturally rather than trying to force it? What if I had of said something different to Seacliff when he asked ‘am I the only one thinking it?’ What if I was the person I am today with Boyfriend, would things have been different with us? Or would we still have ended up breaking up eventually? Are you destined to be end up right where you are regardless of what you do; you may take a different path but would you end up in the same place?

See what I mean? It’s the worst sentence ever for an over thinker, you cannot turn back time so what is the point of even playing out these scenarios in my head? It doesn’t achieve anything but somehow it makes me feel better!

What if, what if, what if!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: The One That Got Away #2

Do you remember The One That Got Away? One of my first guest blogger posts? It actually hit home for me & you will find out why soon enough – when I get to posting those stories…

I don’t consider myself a romantic person, but I wonder why can’t these 2 be together?

The One That Got Away #2

As you can probably tell- I ran away interstate to be with him.

As luck would have it, things haven’t exactly gone according to plan. But if I’m going to tell it, I have to go backwards to go forwards…

During things with “the impossible situation”, things between “the one that got away” and I became pretty flirty and- because we came close to going there so long ago, but didn’t go through with it- I was definitely curious to know what I’d been missing.

I flew interstate for his milestone birthday and that’s when it happened. In a king-sized bed in the city, late at night. I very nearly lost my voice, and I’m convinced that our room had extra thick walls (which is good for me, because I get kinda loud).

We climbed into bed after his birthday dinner to “go to sleep”. He rolled over to spoon me and started nuzzling my neck and feeling me up with shaking hands. After the first moan escaped my lips, I knew I was done for.

the one that got away #2

When his hand slid between my thighs while kissing me, I knew I was going to be altered. He has impossibly long, “piano player” fingers, and it’d been years since someone was able to affect me so much with just the tip of a finger! It made me crazed.

Naturally, I jumped him! I was so wild for it that I needed to feel him inside me. It was worth all these years of waiting and wondering. There was not a single thing about that night that wasn’t perfect- not just a realistic kind of perfect, but also the way the movies portray it.

When we weren’t adventuring, eating or sleeping- we were in bed together. It sounds ridiculous for someone like me to call it making love, but that’s exactly how it felt. It’s the only time I ever have. Usually- I just fuck. I learned that weekend the difference between the two and it altered me. I felt like this is what I’ve been wanting and needing and looking for all along. I felt at home with him.

The best part was that I felt no pain. Normally during/ after any level of P-in-V action, I’m in screaming agony, thanks to my troubled uterus. With him, I only felt peace and contentment.

Upon reflection, the only thing I could think of that was different from other people is the emotional connection. This man knows everything about me- we have known each other half our lives- and that affection and trust was a point of difference. Usually, I fuck first and think later; after is when I decide how I feel about the person I’ve been with. This time it wasn’t like that, and I think it made all the difference.

Discovering afterward that that weekend was his first time having sex rocked me. Apart from thinking “damn! That’s some natural talent!”, it made me feel like there was a degree of emotional intimacy there. I thought it meant that we were on the same page emotionally.

After leaving “The Impossible Situation”, I took some time to get my head right. He damaged me a bit, and I wanted to make sure that I was better before jumping into things with “the one that got away”. We saw each other when our schedules would allow, and he told me to move down for good and live with him when his house was finished. It all kind of seemed too good to be true (it kinda was), but I felt at the time that I deserved this bit of happiness that was coming my way.

Fast forwarding to living together, and it isn’t all rosy and bright. After being here together a few months, he realised that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m too affectionate and I need more emotionally than he’s capable of giving me. He feels guilty as hell for basically bringing me down here under false pretences and some days it is hard to look at him and not want to smack him upside the head for it.

I gave him the ultimatum a few weeks ago- get your shit together and be what I need, or watch me walk away. I refuse to have wishy-washy bullshit. I don’t want grey areas. I don’t want him to think he can be a true fuckboy and pick me up and put me down as it suits him. I’m a hell of a lot better than that. He chose to walk away.

Thankfully, through all this- we are still best friends. We adore each other. I am his plus one to just about everything because he knows while I’m distracting everyone with my larger than life personality, it means he gets left alone.

Living together is easy. There’s no more emotional stress, there’s no sexual tension and we can just grow old being dorks together… at least until someone comes along, who can give me exactly what I want- once I reestablish what that is.

For any potential suitors reading this- he’s a part of my life you have to accept. Don’t make me choose between you, because I will always choose my best friend. He’s a pretty rad dude, so you score bonus points for getting along with him! You also don’t need to be fearful or jealous of him. We are seriously JUST FRIENDS.

She-Wolf x

Here is the link to her blog https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/123

All I can say is, why?!

#IBD4U

Origin #9

After three full days of not talking to Origin, I finally stop crying & feeling like the world is ending. At this point, I still don’t believe that I am going to have a relationship ever again (not that this was a relationship) but I am at least not crying.

As I sit in the bath one afternoon with a supreme hangover, I start thinking about what will happen when I drop his beanie back. What if he’s out the front doing gardening & we talk & I explain better in real life what I want? What if he sees me through the window & comes running out to tell me he made a mistake? What if I knock on the door, rather than being a pansy & dropping it in his letter box & then he’ll invite me in & we’ll talk properly about what we both want? If he’s out, then once he gets home, he’ll text me to tell me that he was wrong & wants to keep seeing me & can give me more of what I want. These romantic comedy scenarios make me realise that I have to drop this beanie back ASAP.

I drive to his house, my heart pounding like a drum, his car is in the driveway but I just pop it into his letterbox & drive off, secretly hoping that he’ll text me while I’m on the way home. It’s a Saturday so there’s no reason for him to check his letter box but I hope that he saw me through the window.

I obsess over it for a few hours, maybe I should let him know it’s there then I can let go. I am in two minds; I want to see if he’ll text me but I also want to text. I just decide that because I ended it then he probably won’t want to text me, because he’ll think I won’t want to hear from him. So I send a text, he responds quickly saying thanks & that I’m a legend. Should I respond to that or just leave it at that? I respond! Not waiting to end this with him… I say thanks for letting me borrow it with a winkey face. He replies anytime with a sad face. Could he be just as sad about us ending whatever we we’re doing?

I decide to put it out there, I respond saying that I’ve really missed texting him this week & he agrees, when I say really, he says ‘yeah sure, I think you’re a top chick, I just can’t commit at the moment,’ he says he’s a straight shooter but missing hanging out with me but doesn’t want to hurt me. I say that right now I’m not looking for a full on commitment, let’s face it, it’s only been 2 months, but I need to just go out on dates & know that it could be more in the future. He says that’s cool, he’s a bit of a homebody but he understands. (He is SO not a homebody, Like what?! He’s been out like everyday/night since we met!) I explain what I ended with Milky, the 5 months of hanging at our houses & feeling like a sex toy & how I felt like that was the path we were heading down. He says that’s fair enough & I ask him if he still wants to see me. He says yes & that I’m tops, if he hadn’t just been in a relationship for so long then he’d ask me out but he doesn’t know what he wants. I say I understand where his heads at & that I appreciate his honesty but I don’t want to stop seeing him, I think he’s hilarious & I ask if he still wants to see me. He agrees to catch up, I’m sitting at home & so I invite him over, he says he’s down at Glenelg having a few beers (Uh what, his car was in his driveway? & he’s texting me back while out?! Homebody, my ass!!) but maybe tomorrow. He says he’ll cancel catching up with his friends & come to see me. I said he didn’t have to cancel but would like to see him. He says he’ll message me in the morning.

Origin #9

Am I really doing this? Is this a good idea? I figure that this is not over for me yet & I realise over the last three days that I have always given up on men. If they don’t chase me, then I don’t even bother… I’ve probably got some stories in this blog of guys who I gave up on who actually liked me but the timing wasn’t right. Let’s hope this works out in my favour, but I am trying not to overthink & wonder where he is when he says he’s out having a few beers. Surely he wouldn’t be texting me if he’s on a date? Although Milky used me as an excuse to leave his date. I’m not sure rekindling this is a good idea, but I have to try… Don’t I?

#IBD4U

Meanings

I am clearly no expert & I don’t claim to be at all in fact, people should probably not take any advice from me about how to date or what they should do while dating. Clearly I have no clue! I’m about to hit the ten-year mark (at the point of writing this, not point of posting) of being single so I’m pretty sure that I am not one to give advice. However, I want to write about what I think the meanings of things are that guys say to me…

I have men say things to me all the time & I always wonder if there is a hidden meaning or do men really mean what they say?

Well these are my theories, but I’d be happy to hear yours!

  • There is no spark/connection = You’re not hot enough for me to keep seeing you.
  • I’m not sure what I’m looking for = You’re not hot enough for me to stop seeing other people.
  • Let’s just see what happens = You’re not hot enough for me to commit to you yet.
  • I’ve got a lot going on = You’re not hot enough for me to prioritise you.
  • I’m not looking for something serious = You’re not hot enough for me to give up other people.
  • I just got out of a relationship = I just got out of a relationship & you’re not hot enough for me to stop thinking about my ex.
  • We should see other people = You’re not hot at all.
  • I’m just looking for something casual = You’re hot enough to keep having sex with but you’re not hot enough for me give up other people.
  • I’m not sure what I want but I want to keep seeing you = You’re not hot enough for stop seeing other people but I’ll keep you on the backburner just in case I don’t find anyone else.
  • I’ve been really busy = You’re not hot enough for me to prioritise you, but you’re on the backburner in case this doesn’t work out with this hot chick I’m trying to fuck.

sorry-youre-not-hot-enough-for-me-_rebel-scum-1189746.png

Are you sensing a pattern here? Hahaha. My theory is very basic, if you aren’t hot enough in their eyes, then there are a million ways to stop seeing you. I’d love to be proved wrong but so far in my experience when guys have said these things to me but I believe they all have the same meaning.

I pretty much feel that every guy I’ve dated (from the stories you’ve read so far) are all guys who are dating multiple women & somehow they find a hotter women & I am just a memory. I actually wonder if any of them had a blog, would I even rate a mention?

#IBD4U

We’ve Fucked Before #2

I know, I know I said that I wasn’t going to catch up with this guy We’ve fucked before again after we started talking about when things ended with Milky, but this guy never let up & I kept him on the back burner, maybe that’s why things didn’t work out the way I hoped they would with Origin because I kept this guy hanging. Maybe my karma is shot!

Anyway, when he says that he wants to catch up, a few days after I end things with Origin, I agree, but the second I do, I burst into tears. Like properly howling like someone died tears. (I’m not a crier at all, so this is uncharted territory, crying so much over a guy I knew for only a couple of months but we’d text EVERY DAY & I don’t even know how long we chatted online before we exchanged numbers, it would’ve been at least a week otherwise I wouldn’t given him my number.) But I work out that I’ve got more hormones in me from taking the emergency contraception pill so I am more emotional than I usually am. Yeah that’s it!

Anyway I decide that I need something to distract me, stupidly I also don’t want to have sex with this guy in case Origin comes back into my life & then I have to explain that I had sex only a day after I ended it with him. However, I guess I’d have to explain that I had sex with ‘Bowie’ the night Origin bailed on me the first time, so whatever, it’s going to be ruined even if Origin does come back but let’s face it, this blog is proof that I am not living a romantic comedy & even when I put myself out there for the first time in TEN years, I still end up alone!

I finally agree, after the whole day of texts with him & I say that he can come around at 5:30 pm, I had told him I’ll be in a robe when he gets here & we can head straight to the shower (seems to be his fantasy) but once I’m ready & tel him to come over, he text to me that he had to pick up his sister. What the actual fuck dude… I burst into tears I can’t even get a random guy I’ve fucked before to want to see me!

we've fucked before #2

I wait until 8:30 pm our regular scheduled time but he never comes over. This is technically the first time I have ever been stood up. Yet again I am the one that feels foolish, I am done. Done, Done, Done!

He texts me almost a week later saying he got a new phone after dropping his in the toilet & that’s why he hasn’t gotten in contact, I write back a bit, get another dick pic & the offer for him to come over. I just put him off, do I really want to go there? I thought I said I was done!

He messages all the time & I reply but then when I set a date & time, he doesn’t message me, I just can’t be bothered. I really can’t.

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: Collection

I literally laughed out loud when I read these. I love it.

Thank you to She-Wolf for allowing me to share her stories with you!

Collection

Below are a collection of my funnier sexcapades.

These are the stories my girlfriends snicker over. I still do too.

Sex should be an enjoyable experience. It should be memorable.

If anything, I hope these stories give you a belly-laugh, and make you think “thank god that’s not me”…

1. Overexcited

This guy I met walking home. He kept lapping past me, beeping his horn to get my attention. He finally realized that I wouldn’t respond to cat-calling and showboating, and decided to pull over to talk to me.

He was a little older than me, with beautiful Mediterranean features and a hint of an accent. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. These days, I wouldnt; but back then I was young and stupid.

We met a few times and on about the 3rd date we actually kissed. It wasn’t great. Too much tongue. Kissing can be taught though, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The next time we met, we went for a drive. In broad daylight. He took me to a local parking spot in the middle of the afternoon. I knew what he was thinking and I knew I wasn’t up for being an exhibitionist.

He started to kiss me- thankfully, he’d taken my hints and his technique was much improved. That little kiss did way more for him than it did for me. He grabbed my hand and stuffed it down the front of his shorts, while exclaiming “see! You’ve got me all excited!”… to which I replied “you’re really not doing anything for me today; can you take me home now?!” I’ve never seen an erection deflate so fast!

2. Broke-Dick

I have known this guy basically my whole life; he’s a family friend.

We ran into each other when we were all grown up and hadn’t seen each other in years. After too much vodka and not enough thought, we bundled into a cab and went back to his place.

Initially; it wasn’t so bad. I knew him, even though I had never been this intimate with him before, so I was less hung-up than I’d normally be.

We decided to play with the handcuffs he had- which was a lot of fun. He was really physically strong, so moved me about however he liked (which I enjoyed).

After a few thrusts, we both felt a bit of pain. I told him he wasn’t doing it right. But he shook it off and tried to continue.

By now, he was really feeling sore and couldn’t work out why. He pulled out, and that’s when he saw it: blood.

Naturally; his first instinct was to ask if it was mine. It wasn’t. When he realized the bleeding was coming from him, he let out an almighty girl-scream and ran through the house naked, waking his housemates in the process.

He ran a shower and as the warm water lashed at his ripped frenulum, he screamed anew.

I’d managed to get loose of the cuffs and get changed to go check on him.

His housemates burst into fits of laughter when they realized what had happened and started chanting “broke-dick”. The name has stuck.

3. Banana-bender

I met this next one online. We had a really lovely date (anything with messina makes me happy) and there was a lot of chemistry.

He’d been in some kind of fitness competition and really badly hurt himself. I graciously offered him a massage. He accepted my offer, even though I told him that this wasn’t going to be one of those massages like in porn.

There will be no happy endings here!

Pfft! That bit of wishful thinking didn’t last long. I can’t help myself, after all.

When he pulled it out for me to look at, I had to choke back my laughter with a fake cough; it was literally so bent I bet he could pee around a corner! No joke- it’s basically a right angle.

Yes; we somehow managed to do the deed. Yes; it felt really weird. But surprisingly not that bad. A little bit of a quick-draw, but flawless technique.

collection.jpg

4. The Thrill of Brazil

I’d been on a really lovely date with this guy. Date number two was at my place; I was cooking.

Naturally, the privacy of my home gave us both other ideas. He’d said to me that he was “very dominant” and that he wanted to do something “special” with me.

As we started to get into it, he took out his “python”- the name he gave to it (really, it was not bigger in overall dimensions than a pork sausage- delusions of grandeur, perhaps?!) And proceeded to basically rub the tip of it over my face, like he was drawing an invisible mask of zorro on me, or performing some kind of weird blessing.

As he did this, he repeatedly whispered the word “special” to me. I was literally too stunned to move; face screwed up in a curious mix of distaste and disbelief.

I mean, come on! Who the hell does that in real life and finds it erotic?!

The python spat too early and he was so embarrassed about his performance that I haven’t heard from him since.

5. The Convict

I met him after a work party that I ditched in order to go party at a strip club instead.

One of his friends mistook me for an escort and tried to worm his hand up my skirt. The slap to the face I gave him made him see otherwise.

My convict called me over to him to apologize for his friends behavior and make sure that I was ok. He and I spent the rest of the night together- drinking, dancing and getting to know one another.

He propositioned me and I accepted. He had the bad – boy look. I didn’t think twice.

After a marathon round of gymnastic Sex , I said goodbye and he swore up one side and down another that he’d call me.

I was pretty “whatever” about it. But to my immense surprise, he did!

Though he would only call me on Wednesdays. And he’d flat out text and call me on weekends, trying to arrange to see me again.

It wasn’t until sometime later, when I questioned the pattern and asked him if he was secretly married or something that he finally admitted to me the truth- he was on weekend release from jail and gets a phone call every Wednesday.

Soon after this, he got into some more trouble and his weekend release was discontinued. I never heard from him again.

6. The ANZAC Day Punter

Let it be known that the wine they serve in RSL clubs played a massive part in this bad decision.

We met around the two-up table. I won most of his money. He kept betting with me to try and win it back, but also to have a reason to stay close to me.

By the end of the night I was well past the point of making a good decision. To drunk me, he was at least a solid 8/10, with short, curly hair, broad shoulders and kind eyes.

I dragged him home and had my way with him, apparently. I don’t remember it at all.

The next morning I woke up with a raging, head-splitting hangover… and a foreign arm draped across me. I carefully peeked over my shoulder to see what I’d done and threw up in my mouth a little. My 8/10 in the harsh light of day was barely a 2.

I sent my mum a message and asked her who he was. She said I apparently really liked him. I told her she was awful for letting him take me home.

I made him a coffee, then feigned a busy day ahead to force him to leave. I thought that’d be the end of it.

I was so wrong.

About 3 months later, I was in bed asleep; blissfully unaware that someone was calling my name from the front yard.

Yes- it was him.

The noise woke my mum though; so she went to investigate. And, in a move so awful I can only describe it as a lesser form of child abuse, she let him in and woke me up to speak to him.

He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was in love with me. I tried to mask my distaste as i told him there was someone else in my life (there wasn’t) and asked if he could get home ok.

He said he couldn’t, and suggested to sleep in my bed with me. I gave him two options; my lounge, or my lawn.

Thankfully; he had left by the time I woke up.

7. The Pro Soccer Player

We met in a nightclub and he wouldn’t let me go from the moment he came and introduced himself to me.

He was really sweet; a genuinely lovely guy. He was really humble, and was polite to everyone who came to speak to him that recognized him. That kindness impressed upon me.

We went back to my place and got stuck into it. Mum was supposed to be staying at her mates place that night, so I figured I’d have the place to myself. Midway through, I thought I heard the lock turn on the front door, but I wasn’t 100%, so I just kept going, until mum flicked on my bedroom light and screamed in shock.

I did plenty of screaming myself (“Mum! Close the door! ”). The mood was instantly killed. And I sent him packing through the back door.

Clearly, mum recognized him.

She had told her friends, too.

Who were all waiting to greet me in the morning with a Mexican wave, screaming “goal” and singing “ole! Ole! Ole!” at me.

It took a few weeks for that incident to die down.

She-Wolf xx

Yep, I got a big chuckle at the office when I read these on my lunch break! Hahaha…

For those wanting to read, here is the link for She-Wolf’s blog.

https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/33

#IBD4U

Origin #8

The next day I am in a better mood, all is right with Origin, I can’t be mad he’s online, were not exclusive. I wait to hear from him, all day but get nothing. All afternoon nothing. All evening nothing. I go to the gym for two hours & think he’ll text me while I’m there, nothing. This would be the first day that we didn’t text since we swapped numbers if we don’t text today. I don’t want that. So I ask how he’s feeling & if he died on me. He doesn’t write back & I’m home & stalker like online (which he is not, phew!) so I jump in the shower & wash my hair. He texts while I’m in there saying he just got home from cooking his mum dinner.

When I head into my bedroom I see that he is online & not only online but his tag line that shows up under his name (that should be like ‘who wants to chat’ or something like that) & he has some chicks user name. I fucking look up her profile, (What am I doing?! This isn’t me!) she’s gorgeous, I think a tad out of his league & I am laughing now because that will scare her off with her user name in his tag line, also he’ll scare off anyone else in his list as well. Plus, if they haven’t accepted each other then she can’t even see it, so it’s just a bit weird.

With this, paired with how much he’s been pulling away & hormones racing through my body from the morning after pill, I think that I have to find out what he wants. I hate to do it over text but I can’t go on this week feeling like shit, stalking him online & waiting for him to ask me out. I just am not this person, I am never like this, so I ask him if wants anything more than what we’re going at the moment, takeaway & Netflix? He takes ages to reply to me, but says that he’s been waiting for me to ask him this. That he isn’t sure what he wants, he just got out of a five-year relationship & normally he’d jump right into the next thing but he thinks I am awesome & enjoys being around me & having fun, but doesn’t want to rush into anything he doesn’t think he’s ready for. He respects me as a person & if it means it’s not what I want at the moment he understands. He says he’s a good person with morals & wasn’t just using me for sex.

I take a while to respond. Do I keep seeing him? Knowing he’s actively looking for other people? Am I that ok with being someone’s second choice? I respond saying that I didn’t want to do this over text but I get the feeling he’s lost interest; we’ve gone from texting all day every day to barely texting at all & I explain that I am not secure enough in myself to keep going in the hopes that he likes me back one day.

He says that he does like me & think I’m an awesome chick but he’s having family issues (Err… that’s new?!) & he’s been so sick lately (yeah because he hasn’t rested at all) that it’s got him down but the last thing he wants to do is hurt me & understands how I am feeling. He really enjoys spending time with me but is not sure he wants a serious thing at the moment which is unfair on me but he was expecting this message from me but also didn’t want it. But he’s not someone that wants to hurt me while he is working out what he wants. He understands & will respect my decision.

What is my decision? Go on & be hurt anyway or go on & maybe have the relationship I’ve always wanted or end it now so I don’t get a chance at being hurt? I hate when people list your qualities on their fingers, if I was that great, then surely he’d want to be with me, or make more of an effort to hang on to me. I don’t want to be a backup while someone works out what they want.

I reply saying, ‘yeah I know I’m awesome hahaha, just not awesome enough.’ I say it was great to meet him & hang out with him & that I’ll drop his beanie back. I say take care & hope he find what he wants. I expect that will be it, but he texts again.

He says I’m an awesome chick & seriously a few months down the track when he knows where his head is at, he’d seriously ask me out. He says he hopes I don’t see him as someone that was just after one thing because it wasn’t true. He had a super time enjoying my company, some fine wines & some of the best sex he’s had in ages. If that has to be it he can understand but wishes me the best babe & hope I find what I am looking for.

Doesn’t this idiot realise that he is what I am looking for! Without even realising, he is the guy I want, he’s funny, I find him hot regardless of how fat he thinks he is, we have so much in common & I am totally myself around him. Why is he online when he doesn’t even know what he is looking for? That’s why I believe that if I was hotter, like the girl he was trolling, he’d have jumped into a relationship with me.

I respond saying that I want to keep seeing him but my head is too scrambled with overthinking but that he should look me up when he is ready, as no doubt I’ll still be single! He says it’s understandable & he respects me & that he’ll miss our Netflix sessions.

I don’t respond, it only takes about ten minutes for me to be howling, like heaving crying – which is so unlike me, I hardly ever cry, especially over a guy. Again I put it down to the hormones. This is so ridiculous.

I cry on the way to work & am barely there mentally on Wednesday, when I get to the office in the afternoon, I burst into tears when a colleague asks me what is wrong. I go out for a drink with a friend in the evening who I have known for over five years & have never cried in front of, but tonight I cry while telling the story. An old couple walk off & as they do, the man tells her to watch the stairs, I burst into tears, my friend doesn’t know what to do, to be honest, neither do I. Hahaha. I had this guy’s phone number for just over 2 months! I need to get a grip!

Not only did I genuinely put myself out there & gave this guy way more than I’ve ever given anyone before & I really thought that he was going to say that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but was willing to give up looking for other women online, otherwise I might not of said anything so soon. That was all the commitment I wanted for now. My friend told me to text that to him but I think it’s over, I’ve made my decision. I have to drop his beanie back (in his letterbox) but then I will move on.

Origin #8

I guess now I am concerned about where I am ever going to meet anyone again, how I am ever going to let someone into my life again. I think that is why I keep crying so much too, how do I keep doing this to myself? My friend said that I am closer, the more I’ve opened up the further the relationships have gone, I just need to keep putting myself out there. I think I need to hibernate for the winter.

I somehow get through the first full day without a text from him or me texting him. I cry a lot but try to go to bed early, I wake up all through the night & call in sick the next day like an idiot. I know I can’t give 100%, even 50% at work if I am constantly on the verge of tears but how stupid, I knew this guy for just over 2 months, how can I be that attached?

#IBD4U

Bonus Post: How to Blog

I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank those who ask me questions about blogging but also I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a professional or an expert on anything – especially dating, blogging or writing. Hahaha. However I do get asked a lot, how to blog, how did I get into it, how do I do it? It’s been a long windy road for me, so here is what I know…

First, I did a little short course in Adelaide at the adult learning centre (WEA) about 5 or 6 years before I started posting which was called blogging for beginners. The trainer said that 90% of blogs will fail in the first 6 months. I was like “pfft, it’s ok dude, I got this – I’m hilarious, I’ll get a million likes each post.” So I set about designing my logo, branding my blog, buying the domain name, setting up social media & getting an email. Little did I know that mine would fail within the first 3 months!

Secondly, I started to write. The stories came out easily, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to write about then started the writing – I am still working through that list! I planned a whole bunch of blogs before I started posting because I wasn’t sure I was ready for this! I also want to make sure of longevity of the blog, what would I do if I get writers block?

Thirdly, I started reading other blogs & started to think about how I wanted my blog to be, what format I would use, who my audience would be & what did I have to say! I saw other dating blogs posting sometimes right after a date, I didn’t want to do that (I like to edit & let the story evolve before I post), but I didn’t see any other blogs doing it like I planned, to post after the fact & not be in real time.

how to blog

If you’re thinking about blogging, google is your friend… I learned so much from my course & so much from google. But here are a few tips from I’ve Been Dating For You:

  • Pick a topic
    • Choose a topic you’re passionate about
    • Write what you know! (It’s true what they say.)
    • Write as you would speak it, don’t try to be fancy, you’re not writing War & Peace, this is your time to be you
    • Be specific, don’t change your topic half way though
  • Pick a blog name
    • Make sure the name will evolve with you, your topic & your readers.
    • Make sure its identifiable & catchy (you know like I’ve Been Dating For You – hahaha)
  • Get a logo, email address, social media & domain name
    • Keep them all the same. This help builds your brand & consistency making your blog easier to find
    • Unless you can make the logo without using word clipart, then pay someone to do it for you
    • I suggest buying your domain so your web address if just your blog name ie: ivebeendatingforyou.com not www.i’vebeendatingforyou.com/wordpress as it looks cleaner & more professional
  • Find a site that can host your blog
    • I use WordPress, but you can use Tumblr, Wix or Blogger, any site for hosting a blog unless you can build your own website
    • Learn the site before you post, you don’t want to change your themes & keep updating your look while posting & confusing readers
  • Keep entries short
    • I suggest no more than 1500 words per blog but no less than about 700 words
    • People are busy, they don’t have time to read a never ending story – that’s what books are for
  • Post blog content regularly
    • At least 2 or 3 times per week on set days
    • People need to know when your going to post, if it’s too random & they haven’t subscribed, they won’t come back to look for new content
    • Don’t post too often, again people are busy & don’t have time to keep checking
  • Don’t start posting too soon
    • I started before I was ready & ended up taking another 2 years to continue to post. I know I have a lot to share, but you have to be ready to share with people you know first because that’s how you build your audience
  • Know your audience
    • You need to keep relevant by knowing your audience, knowing what they want to read & not deviating from your topic
  • Plan, Plan, Plan
    • Depending on your subject, you might not want to post as things are happening, you may prefer to edit, edit, edit before you post.
    • Be prepared for writers block. You need to be consistent so by posting a story you’ve just written you are running the risk of not having content for tomorrows post
  • Schedule your posts
    • I have a set schedule for my posts, so they are automatically posted at the same time every week, this saves time because I am also busy but keeps the consistency
    • I schedule mine a month in advance, that way if anything happens, there is a buffer
  • Don’t post too often
    • People don’t have time to read more than a couple of blog posts a week, don’t be too eager to get it all out there (this is hard for me, because I want to you to read everything I have coming up!)
  • Advertise your blog
    • Be prepared to be out of pocket $$$
    • Don’t expect to make money or be famous, blog because you want too, not because of what it might get you!

Initially when I started posting, I wasn’t getting any readers, why? Was my content not good? Maybe not. Was it because I wasn’t consistent? Yes, it was because I wasn’t prepared for how much time it took me to write content (writers block, over editing & second guessing that I was funny), to post, to keep up to date & to get readers! I wasn’t prepared for the amount of work (& money) it would take to get readers.

It’s been a rewarding experience for me & I can’t wait for you to all read it all. It’s made me more open to new things because I keep thinking that I will get a blog post out of it & I hope that you have all learned something or not felt alone (which was my main purpose for blogging). I can also see my writing evolve & myself as a person since my first blog post to what I am writing now. I hope you all stick with me…

Don’t expect it to happen overnight, I have been online for over 2 years but have only been regularly posting for the last 6 months. It’s been very difficult but fun. I look forward to hearing from you all, it’s so amazing to hear your feedback!

#IBD4U

Boyfriend #4

Shortly after Boyfriend’s ex girlfriend moves out with all the major furniture, we buy a lounge room suite , dining table, couch, lamp tables, coffee tables, but it’s not even delivered to his house before he gets an eviction notice & has no money saved, owes money to the landlord & is basically homeless.

I don’t want to rent, so I say that if we live together we need to buy a place together. He agrees but we need to save some money first. My sister & her now husband offer for him to move in with them, so we do. We stay with them & then one night per week at my parents, as I officially still live there. I’m not sure if we ever pay them rent, but I know we borrow money from my parents to pay boyfriend’s landlord.

When he tells his parents that we’re planning on buying a house, they transfer us $10k for our deposit. I’m so excited that we are able to start looking for a house. Around this time my sister gets married to her partner & goes on their honeymoon. Boyfriend & I start looking at houses to see what we can get, but we find it. The House. The place we both love at a reasonable price. We speak to a loan guy & he says we haven’t had the $10k long enough to be deemed as savings. So we ask my parents to be a guarantee for our loan. I struggle to do this while my sister is away because I need her advice. But my parents come look & agree it’s the perfect house for us & they help us buy it too.

He’d left the supermarket before we bought the house & I left not long after, for a store manager of a snobby shoe store. But I apparently had complaints made about me & was asked to leave. It was the first time I’d ever been unemployed in my life. Boyfriend supported me for a month before I got a job with a telco. I also hated that job, trying to save customers from cancelling. I wasn’t there long either. I then got a job as a store manager at another shoe store & was so excited to finally be doing something I love.

However as one part of your life goes well, another part falls apart. Cracks started to show with Boyfriend & I moved back in with my parents. I can’t really remember what it was about but I do remember him saying he’ll live there, I can rent out my part & we’ll own it together but not be together. I said absolutely not, if we’re not together, I’m not owning something with him. We somehow sorted it out & I moved back in after 6 weeks.

A year goes by & just after the Christmas I found another job as I was moved stores & hated it. I found a job with the federal government in a call/processing centre. One day, I’d called in sick to go to another job interview as the government job was with an agency.

One night we were out for dinner & he says that he wants a baby… What the Fuck! I haven’t ever really wanted kids, but I guess this is the path for an adult couple. I say that I will need some books to read on pregnancy, we go straight to the shops, buy some books & I start reading them. I tell him that I will finish this pill packet & then we’ll just have unprotected sex but not actually “try” to get pregnant. I don’t really want kids, but I guess this is the adult path to go down.

A couple of weeks later, Boyfriend was on holidays having spent the weekend in country SA where he was from. We went to bunnings to buy some plants to make a hedge out the front of our place & when we got back he came into our room & said “I can’t do this” What?! I assumed it was something to do with the plants but he was talking about us.

I don’t really fight for him to be with me. I toyed with the idea of telling him I was pregnant when my period was late – I’m not going to lie, it crossed my mind more than once… But what’s the point of tricking someone into being with you? If he doesn’t want to be with me, then I am not going to delay the inevitable!

I am genuinely upset about the break up. I find out later that he rekindled a friendship with a chick he went to school with while he was back home that weekend. He moved out of our house after a week of trying to live in our spare room, to be with her. My cousin saw him walking holding hands with her, that was hard to hear but I’m glad my cousin told me. Boyfriend had taken her to a hotel for the weekend. Funny that I never got a weekend away!

I packed up all his stuff in the spare room after he moved in with friends but before he moved his shit out. I got my sister to help me, wanting to remove any trace of him in what will soon be my house. His bedroom suite is in the spare room & I open the draw of the wardrobe to put some of his stuff in & find a big black bag. What the fuck is this? I snoop, having lived with this guy for over a year, been together 3 & a half years & having moved houses twice, I’ve never seen this bag!! I unzip wondering what it could be & it’s a giant bag of porn! Being a bit of a sexual being, I am half hurt that he never showed me but half surprised he was able to keep it a secret this whole time. I slip the pregnancy books into the top of the bag, zip it closed & shut the door of the room. I never went back in there until he was officially moved out.

One thing weird about our relationship was that we never kissed, like we’d peck on the lips all the time – hello/goodbye etc but he’d never kiss me properly with tongue (one of my favourite things to do), even during sex, I’d get a few pecks but nothing more & every time I asked why we don’t kiss, he never had a response & just said ‘I knew you’d ask me this’.

Also Boyfriend never said he loved me. I wasn’t loved by him. I think that’s what hurts me the most & actually probably still hurts me a little now, especially now having to relive this relationship while I write it for this blog. But I also know now that I wasn’t in love with him, I half said it once (yes, once in 3 & a half years) but I’m 100% sure I didn’t feel it. (Knowing what I know now!)

FB_IMG_1543380916900

When we broke up, over a few years I put on 30 odd kgs. I was bitter about our relationship & only now I know why. I didn’t know what love was… I feel like I am a good person & that surely someone should love me.

This is a very personal thing for me to say – that I have only just really worked out for myself in the last few years, but my absolute biggest fear in life is that I will die & I will not be loved by a man….

 

Wow…

 

Yeah!

 

Anyway…

 

UPDATE: I have lost the 30+ kgs & am now probably smaller than I was when I was with him, living a healthy, happy lifestyle! – No other spoilers about my relationship status now! Hehehe.

#IBD4U

Origin #7

I don’t hear from Origin so I text him in the morning when I get to the gym at 9:00 am, thinking I’ll have a cute text from him when I’m finished & he might want to try to catch up again this weekend, even though I’ve got a few things to do, I’ll squeeze him in. I’m at the gym for an hour, nothing. I’m at the dentist for an hour, nothing. I have a shower & wash my hair then straighten it (which takes about an hour with curly hair), nothing. I go to work about 1:00 pm & finally he texts to stay that he just woke up & his throat is so sore but he hopes I don’t get sick. I text him back but get no reply.

I am also freaking out about being pregnant & STI’s, he didn’t cum in me but I am just worried, I head to the pharmacy & get the Emergency Contraception Pill for the first time in my life. I wish I could talk to him about it, that I am responsible (since we both have said we don’t want kids) but also I want someone to be there for me as I go through stuff like this. I don’t tell him though. I plan to when we catch up next.

Later that night about 8:00 pm, I text to see how he is, mainly because my friend was egging me on to invite him where we were having a drink so she could meet him. He says he’s down south having a few beers but asks how my day was (I thought he had a sore throat?!). I respond but just get ‘nice’ back, I send a smiley face & get one back but then he finally has a conversation, asks if I’m having some reds, I say yes. He asks where I am, my friend immediately gets excited that he’s going to just rock up, but I’m 100% certain that my life is not a romantic comedy & he won’t. He says that he’s about to go home at 9:30 pm & my friend wants to go so she tells me to invite him over. He’s been weird all day & we don’t have that kind of relationship yet, so I just say we’re on our way home too. He says ‘expressway bang’ so I assume he’s on the southern expressway, so I casually mention he should get off at my exit, but then he says he hasn’t even left the pub yet. What? I don’t get why say he’s on the expressway if he hasn’t left yet? Red Flag! I don’t understand this guy anymore… At least I know he’s not out with a girl, because he wouldn’t be texting me if he was. He says goodnight about 11:30 pm.

The next day I stay in bed all day & I login to my online dating account but stay invisible to just to check my messages, when I see that Origin is online. He hasn’t text me & it’s almost 2:00 pm but he’s online. Has he been online this whole time but because I haven’t been at all, I didn’t even know? I text to see how he is & he says he’s feeling shit again we text a little bit but it’s not a great interaction. It feels weird & knowing that he’s online all day has really made me realise that I have no idea what this guy is playing at. I really thought he liked me.

I try not to dwell on it, we aren’t exclusive, I’m not that naive that I don’t think people online are dating other people, so I think that I’ll back off & let him text me. But fate… Fate steps in of course! My brother is playing with my phone changing my profile photo on Facebook to his own face like a douche, when he somehow dials Origin (he’s a iPhone user, I had a BlackBerry at the time), not only once but twice! He fucking called him twice! My heart pounds in my chest, For Fuck Sake! Now I’ll never know if he was going to text me. He calls me back & I explain that my brother was playing with my phone (as if he believed that) but he asked if I was free through the week & in the city to catch up for coffee, I said yeah maybe I could work it. He said we’ll work it out.

I text him to say sorry for calling & that I could work it out on Monday if he has an early break, he says he’ll let me know in the morning. We text a bit I get confused because he called me ‘shorts’ as in short for the nickname he gave me of ‘shorty’ but I thought he was talking about wearing shorts so we have a few laughs over texts & he says that he could use a cuddle & that we would talk to me in the morning.

On Monday morning, fate fucking steps in again… on the way to work, I am on my work phone to a colleague through the blue tooth in the car when I grab my personal phone out of my back pocket & put it in the centre console of the car. About five minutes later I get a message & check it but realise that my phone has called someone, FUCK ME HARD! It’s pocket dialed Origin!! What a fucking stalker, I am so stupid! Why oh why did it call him when I had a weird weekend with him & I wanted to see if the lunch date would go ahead. I text him to say sorry pocket dial, he said ‘some guy was talking LOL WTF’ . I explain I was on my work phone, he says ok, that he’s at work with the worst sore throat ever (again?! Really?!) I say that I have deleted him out of my recent calls because I feel like a fucking stalker. He says ‘yeah you stalker 😀 & beanie stealer 😉.’ I just respond that I’ll get it back to him & he doesn’t reply.

However, stalker that I’ve become, I look at my online dating app all day & he’s online most of the day on & off, is he looking for someone else? Have I not given enough of an indication that I am interested in him for him to not want to be searching online for someone else? I put my stalker tendencies down to the fact that I have more hormones running though me than usual due to the morning after pill.

But to my surprise at 7:45 pm he texts to see how my day was, things are better, but the whole time we chat, he is online (I am now in full stalker mode just sitting online but invisible so he can’t see me) we talk like normal, he says how sick he is & how he might die off like the chauffeur’s wife in Downton Abbey, I actually laugh out loud & say ‘dude, she dies in child birth’ (Spoiler alert!). We laugh about how he might die being he’s been sick for so long, I say don’t die though because I like spending time with you & he says that he enjoys seeing me as well.

Origin #7

We kinda stop texting, so I put my phone down but then he asks me ‘what else is new babe,’ do I assume he still wants to talk but I stupidly I think that he was meant to send that to someone else. But I reply anyway & we talk about how OCD I am & how his mum is the same & how he can’t sleep with dishes in the sink. We get onto whipper snippering & how he likes to do that in footy shorts so I said he can do it for me anytime, I think that would be hot. He gets a bit of a complex when I say I think he’s got hot arms & nice legs. Eventually he says after 11:00 pm that he wants to get some sleep so we can watch some more Netflix soon. I go to sleep a happy little Vegemite. Even though he was online the whole time, he is still keen to see me!

#IBD4U

Guest Blogger: April Fools

This comes from the same guest blogger who wrote Rug. This story is very familiar!

Thanks for sharing with us again!

April Fools

So, this is about a first date, not all that remarkable in terms of where we met or how, but it’s one that is firmly burned into my memory banks with the chemistry that we shared and for the journey that followed.

It started with a somewhat tentative swipe right based on an intriguing bio (switch, BDSM, kink, all of which I had no idea about at the time). And he was hot, really, really hot. We chat and we click and it’s fun and easy so we arrange a date for two days later. We both had plans with friends but agreed to meet later in the evening after we’d caught up with our friends properly and it would be fine to cross mingle.

We meet at a bar, I saw him approaching and we just locked eyes and smiled. We hug, grab a drink and head to the dance floor. It’s immediate chemistry. I announce I’m hungry after dancing and chatting for a bit and he disappears leaving me with his friend and my girlfriend. He reappears 5 minutes later with a sneaky cheeseburger, which is a semi drunk girls best friend. I was smitten.

Our friends all slowly disappear and we’re left on own own. Still hungry, we go have some blueberry pancakes and chat and laugh and flirt away for an hour or so. We leave, I insist on a piggy back ride, he happily obliges and we run off looking for a cab. In the interests of full disclosure I advise that I’m at the end of my period but I’d like him to come home with me anyway. He’s in and we’re off back to my place. I do love a man that’s not scared of the female body in all its sometimes gory glory.

It’s hot, primal and accepting. We get back to mine and it’s on, there’s kissing and more kissing and not tentative boring kissing, but really good, passionate hard kissing. The kind that leads to clothes coming off and being literally thrown down on the bed and being masterly attended to. He starts with finger fucking me in a way I never have been and I squirt and cum all over the place (note… I did not know what squirting was or what was happening at the time… but hey it felt good). I lost all inhibition that night and got absolutely lost in the moment. He’s clearly enjoying the experience and fucks me hard and well (and yes there was momentary pausing for condom action, because I’m not completely mad and nor was he).

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After all was said and done, I slept like a well sated nymph. I awake to a gorgeous adonis entangled up in the sheets with me and a bed that looks like a raging storm has blown through. I may have also had a mild hangover… We breakfast on coffee, tea and tiny teddy biscuits as I’m not by any stretch a chef or home maker. I drop him home and kiss him and say see you later friend. I did see him later, again and again for six months and it was a journey, my own personal sexual awakening. It was one I went into with my eyes wide open, knowing that it would lead to heartbreak (mine). But I’d do it all over again (and again).

Where do these people go after an experience like that? Why do they disappear? I don’t get it!

I wonder if we’ll get another installment? I don’t think this story is over!

#IBD4U

Die Hard Liberal

Since getting my new job (like 2 years ago – at that time, so not really new) it narrows down my selection pool for suitable men as there are some political aspects to it. So I am always up front with what I do for a living, usually within a few sentences, I’ll ask what they do if they haven’t already asked me, just to weed out those who may have a problem with it & what is essentially a big part of my life & my core values.

So when I tell someone what I do, most people don’t care but when you get the response like ‘really? I hate …’ or ‘you must have a cushy job’ (yeah right!) then you kind of know instantly that you don’t have the same core values. Usually because I’m stupid I will still try to have a conversation with this person but generally we end up deleting each other within a couple of days or even hours depending on how fired up we get.

So when I get this type of response from this guy including ‘are you vegan?’ when I say no, he says ‘well at least that’s something.’ So I poke questions at him of a political nature to find out what his view point is, what does he think about penalty rates, which sparks an entire debate to which we profusely disagree with each other to the point I am so fired up, he is calling workers unskilled, I tell him I’m defined as unskilled to him (having finished high school but never went to Uni) but I am one of these people he keeps putting down. I also ask what his view point is on marriage equality to which he says ‘once we’re married, I won’t care, everyone will be jealous of us anyway.’ OMG, is he serious?

During another chat with him, he tells me he likes my eyes & wants them… I was a bit confused as in he actually wants my actual eyes or he would just like blue eyes? He says he’s wants them for him as he’s stuck with brown – well I’m stuck with blue, we can’t change our eye colour?! I’m not sure if I should be scared that if I dated this guy, I’d end up eyeless. Yet for some reason, probably because of all you reading my blog, I do not delete him & see if this can get any funnier.

Origin #

When he asks for my email address to send me something that made him think of me, I am skeptical to send it to him, so I use my really old email I only use to sign up to newsletters when you join a loyalties program at a shop, which also doesn’t have my name on it. He sends me an email saying ‘I know we disagree with these things (but I know you like me) but I saw this & thought of you.’ Firstly – I know you like me? I mean who is this guy!? Secondly – he sent it from his work email so I was intrigued by his email address. So I google the address. The website included a photo of him (which was the same as his online profile photo) & podcasts so my boss & I listened & I realised even more that I am never going to be attracted to this guy. Not only do we have fundamentally different ideas & views on pretty much everything that I stand for but he keeps calling me ‘Babe.’ ‘Hey babe, what are you doing’ I’M NOT YOUR BABE, in fact the more you talk the more I dislike you.

He tries to chat to me more & more but I kind of ignore him. I finally respond to him & he asks what I’m doing, I say that I’m going to the pub with work people for a few drinks, he asks which one, I just say a local one by work. He responds, ‘I can’t stalk local pub, tell me which one, I want to meet your work friends.’ OMG – No way am I letting you meet my work friends, how embarrassing!

He chats again one night when I am bored & says that he wants to catch up so he can end up married to me, I say that I don’t know him well enough to want to meet him, he says let’s chat. I say ok, let’s chat, so I start going on about my work & his view points are so completely far fetched I ask him if he actually understands what my job is, when he says some thing also completely wrong, I just say look, this isn’t going to go anywhere, I think we should just look else where, he doesn’t respond but deletes me.

My boss kept saying to delete him but I needed him to delete me because if I did, he would of used my email incessantly until I responded, this way, he’s cut the ties & is less likely to contact me! Good bye you lunatic!

#IBD4U

Origin #6

Origin comes over to my house again, telling me again how much he likes the way I’ve done my hair, that he likes my outfit (I’ve just walked in from work, nothing special TBH) & that he likes my jeans. I almost wish that I was wearing my glasses but I didn’t put them on after work (I actually only need them for screen based work but always forget to wear them!). I try to just say thanks without telling him why he is wrong like I usually do, he says ‘shit I wore slippers, I look like a homeless person’ we have a joke about it, but I don’t mind, I think that he looks pretty good.

We order Indian food & I don’t order rice because I decide to cook it while we go pick up the dinner, but stupidly I forget to turn on the microwave so it would be ready when we get back. I like driving with a guy, when he’s driving & I’m just the passenger… This is such a coupley thing for me. I’m not sure why, but I love it.

When we get back I turn on the microwave & say we have to wait 11 minutes, he looks at me with that look, moving closer, saying ‘what can we do in 11 minutes?‘ & kisses me. We’re in my kitchen, stripping each other, wanting each other, so much passion, I don’t want him to stop. He pushes me up against my pantry & it’s hot, our hands everywhere. He bends me over the kitchen bench & goes down on me (that’s hot! Think that’s a first), before we kiss & walk into the lounge room. He tries to push me towards the couch but I sit him in a chair & straddle him. I stupidly don’t go get a condom, but we fuck without one but let him know that he can’t cum inside me – I’m not on contraception, we have hot quick sex & afterwards, I say that was more than 11 minutes. He laughs & gets dressed, not touching me or being loving at all. (that’s not that big of a deal, he hasn’t really been affectionate after sex so far.) We eat dinner & watch some TV while drinking some more wine.

Origin #6

He picks some show on Netflix that he’s always wanted to watch but we interrupt it to have sex, it’s probably the best sex the two of us have had together, on my couch, again with no condom (for fuck sake) but I figure that when I see my doctor in two weeks I will go back on the pill. Not only am I allergic to condoms, it’s so much better without them & this seems like it’s going somewhere, right? He jumps up right after, saying next time he’s going to stay over & goes to leave but I say that he should stay 5 minutes so I don’t feel like a prostitute. He lays down & cuddles my legs but it’s a bit weird, he’s fully clothed & he didn’t take off my top so I quickly put on my pants & steal his beanie to wear. He tells me how cute I look with it on.

When he says he’s going to go I stand up & we kiss passionately & he laughs & tells me to stop, he asks for his beanie back but I say no, we laugh, kiss a final kiss goodbye & he leaves. I go to my bedroom, get ready for bed & the text that comes while he’s on his way home. When the pink text light flashes I smile like a lunatic & am so excited that I found someone who likes me so much, I open the text not wanting to take his beanie off but find that it’s from Flaccid. I ignore him, I don’t need anyone else now. Origin & I am going somewhere & it feels like it might be to a little town called ‘relationship!’ It’s a bit soon – so I need to be calm, but I think that we’re both feeling the same & in a month or two, we really could be happy together. I can’t believe that this is happening to me! I fall asleep with Origins beanie on my pillow because it smells like him.

#IBD4U

He’s got a Single Friend!

Another thing I get a lot, especially when my friends get in new relationship & are all loved up, they’ll look at his friends, find the only single one & say ‘He’s got a single friend!’ Like all it takes is 2 single people to make a couple?! Right…

So over the years, I’ve always been so reluctant to go there, what if I like them & they don’t like me back (this has happened before but I was too chicken to tell someone that I liked him) then I have to see them when our friends get married or at birthday parties, my life would be like the movie ‘Life as we know it’ with Katherine Heigel, but lately, I’ve been thinking ‘What the hell’?

So more recently a friend suggested that her new boyfriend has a single friend & I used my new motto ‘what the hell, I may at least get a blog out of it’ so I think possibly she can set up a double date with her & the boyfriend & just have a casual dinner with this friend, something with no pressure, so I text back & say yeah set it up. It’s then that I get the backtrack messages, ‘oh my boyfriend doesn’t think you’ll like him’ or ‘it might be a bit weird’. Well hell dude, you suggested it, I just finally agreed to let you set me up with some weirdo you & I don’t even know & you think it will be weird! I also don’t even know your boyfriend so why does he think his friend won’t like me? Shouldn’t I be the one to decide if I don’t like him, chances are with my luck he’ll be the one rejecting me?

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Also why doesn’t anyone ever say to the guy ‘I’ve got a single friend’ & find out if he likes me before they get my hopes up!? Why do they always come to me first, can’t they go to him then say to me ‘hey this guy likes you’ then I can be the one to reject. Or in most cases never meet because although my friends mean well, they somehow don’t actually want to do the set up thing.

Days later my friend is still backtracking on the meeting with this guy telling me that her boyfriend (who I’ve never met yet) thinks he’s a weirdo & a big drinker that I won’t like him. So I just tell my friend not to worry that I was trying to be more open but right now this kind of thing just sets me back. I mean if friends don’t even think I’m worthy of their boyfriends friends, then what the hell do single men think when they meet me?

It’s not a great frame of mind to be in, which is why I never wanted to do the meet the boyfriends friend thing anyway. FFS

#IBD4U