I've Been Dating For You

Guest Blogger: The Wedding Cake

Here is a guest blogger who also has a blog!

The true romantic in me believes this story & hopes that it is as wonderful as it says it is, however the cynic in me thinks this story is a load of bollocks… Which one are you? Romantic or Cynic?

The Wedding Cake

After all, it’s easy to lose hope when you’re looking for love, isn’t it?

So many tales of betrayal, broken relationships, swiping left and right, dick pics and commitment phobic men (and women) out there in our culture. Sometimes it seems that people have become so interchangeable, so disposable, that it’s become acceptable to discard them without any warning in the cowardliest of the cowardly act of ‘ghosting’ (If we have a term for it, it must be a thing!).

It’s easy to lose hope, right? That good people are out there, looking for the same thing we are: to love and be loved in return – isn’t that the holy grail – or the wedding cake, if you will? But how do you believe in that when so many people lie about their intentions to get what they need?

When friend after friend tells you of their failed attempts to find what they’re looking for: a love so strong, that not even years and/or miles between two people can dull its lustre, that someone would choose them over all the other options they have out there, how can you not become cynical about love?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine; a fairly busy woman, full-time single mum, upon full-time Italian teacher, upon part-time student who was seeking a moment of tranquillity in her otherwise hectic day at the park in front of the Arts Centre – you know the one?! She sat on a bench in front of a pond and took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling herself relax. She noticed that a man had sat down next to her, and turned to see an elderly, fairly short, weathered-looking man smiling at her. Now, this happens to her all the time, people tell her their stories without any encouragement from her – she has one of those faces – so she smiled back. He asked her, ‘Are you Italian?’ ‘Yes, I am’ she replied, ‘are you?‘ No, he explained, ‘I’m French, but in the war, I fought in Italy. While I was there I met an Italian woman and I never forgot her.’

A secret sucker for a love story (a closet romantic, but she’d be mortified if people knew), she asked him to tell her more. They met when he went to her village in Italy, and after the shortest time, they fell in love. He was mesmerised by her, and though they couldn’t understand each other well (a recipe for a happy relationship in my opinion) they felt like they had known each other forever.

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‘And then what happened?’ she enquired. ‘A friend had told me about Australia, I wanted to go there, and for her to marry me and come with me, but she was promised to another man by her parents. She said she could not come with me, it was not the right time.’ And so he left, unable to pass up the opportunity for a better life, settled in Melbourne and met his wife. They had children and he had a great life here, exactly as his friend had promised, but he confessed that from time to time he thought of his Italian girl. He always wondered what she was doing, but didn’t have any way of contacting her.

Oh, she thought, disappointed… but the story didn’t end there. Many years later, his wife died and, noticing that he was lonely, an Italian friend of his invited him to his home for his granddaughter’s birthday party. He could not believe his eyes when, at his friend’s house, he saw a woman who bore a striking resemblance his Italian girl!! He wasn’t sure that it was her, but he asked, not prepared to lose the chance again. They spoke at length of their lives; her husband had passed away also after they had come to Australia together. All this time, they had been in the same place, but had no way to contact each other! Somehow, fate had led them back to each other, and now they are together.

It’s easy to lose hope, right? But then you hear a story like this…

Here is her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/60

Milky #9

I don’t see Milky again for a while, I don’t make much effort with him to be honest, I am not feeling it with him. Something has changed, in me? In him? I don’t know, but I realise that what I felt for Milky was just lust. He was the first guy to keep seeing me on a regular basis & since I’ve had some regulars since him, I realise they weren’t feelings for him but more about my strong desire to be in a relationship & loved. It’s much easier this second time around to compartmentalise my feelings, they weren’t feelings, I was in love with that idea. Now with multiple men on the roster & having much better sex with some of them, I know that Milky will just be a friend, we’re very different people, I know I was changing myself to be with him because of my fear of dying alone. I must remember that just because a dude is single, it does not mean that they are the one for me. 052816 (17) 7 months into this weird relationship we seem to have, he asks me a few times to go to wineries or out with him, but I decline for whatever reason, I’m busy or don’t have any money… When he asks me if I want to go to the Fringe with him where there is a rope show, I think hell yeah. For those not in Adelaide, the fringe in a festival in March of every year where there are cabaret acts, comedy shows, music events and even dancing shows, it’s a great time to be in Adelaide, there’s a buzz around the city. When he tells me that Adelaide Peer Rope are doing a show & he wants to go, I get us tickets, I pick him up & drive to the venue. He knows a couple of people, but I of course I know no one but him. It’s weird that he doesn’t introduce me either, he just leaves me standing there awkwardly.

It’s not till we’re out at the event that I realise we are on a date. FUCK. Our first date. DOUBLE FUCK. Do I want to be dating this guy? Why is he blurring the lines? Does he want to date me? Or is he trying to give me what I wanted a year ago? Is this what I want though? I am seeing a couple of other guys, I am now even chatting to Origin again (WTF that’s a whole other story!), do I even like this guy? Did I even like this guy or was he just the first real FWB I ever had? I mean I had lots of guys say they were my FWB, but he was basically the first guy that I hung out with & fucked on a regular basis.

At the rope show I am thinking ‘what if I was here with another guy?’ literally any of the other guys I am seeing right now. I think that it would be less awkward. The conversation is harder with Milky now we’re out & not watching the TV, which is usually what we talk about. He doesn’t introduce me to the people he knows at the event, does he not know my name? or does he not want to be seen with me? He knows my name, he uses it in texts. So maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with me? Why did he even invite me here?

I am absolutely mesmerised by the rope show. It’s amazing, how quickly they get tied up & how intricate it is. It looks amazing. One of them are a couple & I love how it seems like he tickles her skin with the rope or kisses her on the cheek or forehead. I look over at Milky & know that this isn’t the guy who is going to be with me forever – or even the rest of this year – or maybe even month. I’ve been feeling it for a while as you know, but this evening confirms it. I mean it’s taken a year to get this guy on an actual date & even though he’s seen me naked 100 times. I feel so… what is the word? I don’t even know. Yes, I do… I feel so exposed.

We go home to his house that night, I stay over (of course! hahaha) We fuck, you guessed it, at the end of his bed with my legs in the air. What a surprise! Ironically this is very last time I ever fuck Milky, however the story with him is not over! Nor is it the last time I ever see him…

Notorious Sir

On my quest for some extra kink, I meet this guy Notorious Sir, on you guessed it on the anonymous app. How does this keep happening?! We exchange chat app accounts & chat on there, as it’s a much easier interface, where I actually get chat notifications.

He tells me that he’s married (Oh seriously! FFS!! Where are all the single men?) & his wife has no sexual interest at all, they are not exactly in an open relationship, she knows he sees other women & that’s he has a mistress however she’s not entirely ok with it either – but because she won’t fuck him, she lets him do it. (What the fuck does that mean?!) This sounds too fucking complicated & why the hell does he need me if he has a Mistress? I guess she has a life too. Fucking hell I get myself in to some weird situations!

Anyway I keep chatting to him, for some fucked up reason dudes seem to make the effort to keep me conversing with them when they are married. Like I am not going to put in any effort with a married guy… What’s the point, they clearly don’t want to leave their wives if they’re allowed to fuck other women. I’m not 100% certain that I believe his story here, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He does actually give me his Mistresses chat account & I chat to her too, she has a very hot ass in the profile picture that I also have to wonder what he wants with me too, however I am not certain it’s actually a chick, I can’t help but wonder that it’s just him pretending to be a mistress, perhaps?

He tells me that he’s very dominant & gives me tasks to do during the day, like show him my panties (I used to hate that word, but I’m getting more used to it) while I’m at work, or show him my cleavage while at work. I complete all my tame tasks, enjoying the little bit of kink from a Sir, that expect you to do things for them. But when Nortorious Sir tells me to write my address on a post it note & take a live picture of me with it, I ask why, he says do it. But I am apprehensive. However I am a little excited by this game, that I do it. This is probably the most excited I’ve been by a guy I haven’t met in a long time. I mean I am still talking to Dom sometimes when it suits him & he also asks in some ways for me to do tasks but not like this…

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One morning before work he tells me that he’s coming over, he wants me to unlock the door, bend over the kitchen table in just my panties & wait for him. I am turned on at the thought of such instructions. No guy that I am fucking right now is like this, nor are they turning me on so much just from the mere thought of them. I do as instructed, bending over my table & waiting, starting to feel excited, my heart pounding in my chest. This is going to be unreal.

I hear the door open & heart pounds harder, if that’s even possible… I wait for him to walk through the lounge room to find me in the dining room bent over the table in just panties at 7:00 am, like he instructed. He makes a grunting/hmmm sound when he sees me, I can tell I have pleased him. His rough manly tradie (He’s a plumber) hand caresses my exposed ass cheek from my lacy brazilian panties that I wear everyday & he says “Hmmm, very nice” he pulls me back up so I am leaning against his chest & he kisses me, it’s kinda sloppy & amateurish, maybe it’s the position. He rubs my butt & pulls my panties down, rolling on a condom, he’s inside me quickly. Lucky that there has been virtual foreplay, otherwise I would have just been dry fucked…

It’s weird, I’m not sure if his cock isn’t big enough for this position or what it is, but he can’t get it in me without it slipping out every couple of thrusts. So he pulls out, then his pants down, lying on the floor he tells me to ride him. We try that position but again, it doesn’t seem to work well for us. He gets up & pushes me against the wall, sloppy kisses follow as he presses me into the wall, raising my hands above my head (I do love it when guys do that), but I think that if those positions didn’t work, then fucking me against the wall isn’t going to work. But he pushes me to my knees & makes me suck his cock. Telling me that I’m a good girl (I used to hate that until Dom says it like every time we chat & when we talk, it’s growing on me more & more). Once he’s done, he stands me up, kisses me, says “that was worth it” & leaves without another word.

As the door shuts behind him, I’m standing there naked feeling like an actual fuck wit. “That was worth it?” WTF does that even mean? Was he being sarcastic? Or did he actually mean it? The build up to that was better than the sex. That was (& still remains) the worst sex of my life – Maybe this is why his wife doesn’t want to fuck him?! (OMG that’s SO mean, but maybe!) He messages me a hour or so later, but I am feeling so ridiculous that I try to ignore him. I can’t believe I just did that. He keeps messaging me then I snap, I unload & tell him how I feel about what happened this morning. He doesn’t understand that I felt used & dirty after he left. I hated it. Even though the sex was bad, it was more the way he left it. This is the first time I met this guy & that’s how he treats me… What about some aftercare dude?! (Aftercare in a dominant/submissive thing is basically where the Dom will spend time with the Sub making sure they are ok before the end a scene)

We end up fighting about it & it leads to his mistress blocking me on the chat app when I try to talk to her about it. I never see him again (big surprise) & over the next year he pops up in every group I’m in on the chat app, however as you will hear in stories to come, I did have a bit of influence over the chat app Adelaide groups for a while with admin duties & I ban him from every group, mainly to save other women from the worst sex of their lives with a douche too.

Origin #12

Swiping left & right one day, minding my own business, not thinking about anyone that could come up (That’s where the mistake lies – when you stop thinking about someone… BOOM they appear!), so of course, that’s when Origin reappears. Oh Holy Fuck! What do I do? It’s been 8 months since we last spoke. Do I want to get into this again? I don’t know… If I swipe left, I may never know if he’s liked me or swipe right & have to wait to see if he swiped or I could also swipe right & match then have to decide if I say hi or not? I sit there staring at him for ages… What should I do? I close the app, yes, yes good idea, just close the app. Out of sight, out of mind… (Yeah right!)

A few days later, I’d forgotten about my swiping encounter with Origin so I open the app, swiping happily away when his fucking cute face with cheeky smile pops up again. Bloody hell! I shut down the app again, quickly, like he can see me or something if I have it open too long. One afternoon with my friend, we’re talking online dating, all my relationship friends are so interested to see what these apps are about, they want to swipe for me, but he comes up again, so I show her his profile & she bloody swipes right for me over my shoulder quickly & we match! FUCK… Now what do I do? I have to message him, don’t I? So I just say ‘hey’ trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing but then he replies & we start talking.

My Nanna had just passed away on valentines day, who I was relatively close with, we saw her every week for a family dinner. I don’t know why I tell him that, I guess I am desperate for a man. I mean Max was amazing the day she died & talks to me everyday, but it’s not the same, he’s married, I’m not a priority for him. I never will be. Origin says to let him know if I ever need a wine & a hug – yep I need one right about now. So we swap numbers again, he sends me a selfie straight away, then asks me to add me to his snapchat. I hate snapchat. I hardly ever use it & the conversation disappears so quickly. Plus given my past experience of jerking off videos & dick pictures, I try not to ever use this app. Also stupidly when I created the account, I used my real first & last name as my user name which can’t be changed. So since I realised that, I don’t ever give it out to anyone anymore.

Origin #12

It’s the day of my Nanna’s funeral, also its the next night after getting his number so I ask if the offer is still good for a wine & a hug because it’s been a difficult day, my friend has picked me up & taken me to a bar after it was all done, so I’m a bit drunk & my friend is taking me home at 10:00 pm, however I didn’t want to be alone & I could really could use an Origin hug but he says that he has to pick up his brother from a wedding, so he’s not free, I just say I hope he has a good night & I leave it at that. This was a pretty emotional day anyway, probably not a good idea to be really honest. I don’t cry a lot over anything & I definitely don’t cry in front of people.

He texts me the next day to see how I am, I say that I’m not doing that great & he offers to come over tonight to see me. I jump at the chance, wishing that I actually had a partner, because this has been harder than I want to admit to a random fuckboy. He brings wine & we sit chatting, I love that he asks about my Nanna & comforts me. We put on a shit movie but talk most of the way through it, he then asks me to move closer to him for that cuddle, I say “No, you move closer to me”, so he challenges me to a game of rock, paper, scissors. This time I agree to it – not like our first date, showing my fun side but I bloody lose, I offer best out of three but he laughs & just tells me to just move over on the couch. He cuddles me tightly & tells me that I smell good. As my head is against his chest, he can’t see me, a tear trickles down my eye… WTF! I never cry, it took me four days to cry over my Nanna & now I can’t stop! This safety of his arms around me when I am at my most vulnerable, means something to me… This guy wouldn’t bother coming to see me at this time if he wasn’t interested in me, this is a shit time in my life, a very personal time & it requires him to make sure he’s a decent guy… No one wants to be the asshole breaking someone’s heart when there’s a death in the family.

We kiss & cuddle on the couch having a few wines for a while, not actually watching the TV. When we have sex later that evening, it’s sweeter sex than we’ve had, I guess he knows that’s what I need. However, he still gets up to go home with some excuse that his dogs are inside.

Erotica: Scene Three – His Orgasm

Again, here is my fiction erotica. By now if you’re reading my blog, you can see why my imagination was running wild & why this became my porn.

These are the two previous posts that you may want to read first if you haven’t already: Scene one – Nipple Bells & Scene Two – Eight Spanks

Scene Three – His Orgasm

My knees are weak, my legs wobble underneath my body & I fear I’m not going to be able to stand anymore.
His strong arms hold me as he walks around me, to stand in front of me.
He’s hard, having not cum at all, yet I’ve lost count on how many times he’s made me cum in what feels like 10 minutes.
He looks me up & down, he can tell I am tired but I don’t think that will stop him.
His face says it all, it’s like he can’t get enough of me, he looks at me like he doesn’t want anyone else, he looks at me with such desire that I feel a shiver up my spine.
He smiles, knowing what he does to me, I smile back, wondering how this man has such an effect on me.

Erotica #3

He runs his fingers from my shoulders down my arms, I turn my head to watch his fingers tickle my sensitive skin & his fingers lace with mine.
He steps backwards pulling me with him, when his legs hit the bed, he sits down, standing me between his knees.
He lets go of my hands & his rest at the back of my knees, before running up the back of my legs to my ass where he moans, a deep, primal groan that lets me know all I need to know.
He grabs my ass, pulling me to sit on his lap.
I bend my knees, resting my hands on his shoulders.
He feathers soft kisses down my neck, across my collar bone, his hands caresses my ass as I start to wriggle in his lap.
One hand slips between us & between my legs to move my lace panties aside.
As soon as his fingers touch my clit I jolt, its so sensitive & I don’t think I can last long.

He lifts my hips up & holds his cock at my entrance, I want to take all of him but he just teases me, wetting himself so he can slide in.
I moan, tilting my head back & his mouth finds my waiting nipple, which he bites.
As I yelp while he slides my hips down so I am full of his cock.
I am ready to move, I am ready to make him cum, I want him to cum with me this time.
I start to kneel up on my knees so I can feel him pull out of me, but he holds my hips still.
He takes my hands from his shoulder which were giving me leverage to move on his cock, to my ankles.
I whimper knowing his is locking each wrist cuff to my ankle cuffs.
With his hands holding my hips still, I have to lean back to stay balanced, he starts to kiss my neck, I moan, he works down to my nipple where he sucks & then moves over to the other nipple until is standing to attention for him.
“Please, I need to move, I am going to cum”
I feel him smile against my nipple
“Baby, you are going to cum… & cum… & cum no matter what” his deep voice sends a shiver down my spine, how does he effect me so much?
“Pllllleeeeaaassseee” I’m begging like a child, trying to gyrate my hips in his lap, his hard cock deep inside me still.
He doesn’t stop sucking my nipples.
“I want you to cum this way”
“Oh fuck, sir can I cum?”
He smiles but doesn’t stop sucking my nipples
“You may cum when you need too”
I start to try to rock on my hips but he won’t let me move
“Please I need to move”
“You will cum like this” I moan, even though I think it’s impossible without some friction, my body betrays me & starts to build.
My breathing intensifies, short bursts, I try to pull my nipples out of his way but he pulls me closer so that my whole breast is pushed in his face.
I try to move my hands but its pointless, all it does is lift my ankles & push me into his face.
He laughs, yet still has a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard till it pops out his mouth with a sound.
He then sticks out his tongue and licks, quickly, up & down, making me huff & puff still completely unable to move but feeling every inch of him inside me.
I scream out with an orgasm that rips through me
“Fuuuuccckkkk”
“Ah thank fuck for that” he growls, without even knowing my hands are undone & I’m lying on the bed, still orgasming, my eyes going blurry…
He’s stoking his cock, hard, I know he’s close too, I can’t move I feel like I am still cumming
“Where do you want me to cum?” I moan, rolling my head from side to side
“Answer me” he snaps
“I want… I… want….” I can’t even get the words out, he can tell, so he rips open my corset
“Hold your tits together”
I do as I’m told having not being able to answer him about when I want him to cum
“Open your mouth too” I open it, poking out my tongue slightly for a taste of his cum
As his warm cum hits my breasts, some also reaches my mouth & I know he is pleased as I stick out my tongue to lick it off my chin, by the noises he’s making.
“Good Girl”
He’s smiling & I am done. I roll over on my side, he curls up behind me spooning me.
I’m still covered in his cum, I don’t want to wash it off, it’s like being branded by him.
I feel like nothing can get better than the evening I’ve just had.

Guest Blogger: The Recipe

I love this concept. I was only just talking about this the other day, the fact I have done so many unsafe things in my dating life & how I have been so bloody lucky nothing terrible has happened to me! I am so thankful for that, however this is a great safety tool that all single people should adopt with their friends.

Code words!

The Recipe

Ladies… have you had dessert?

This question could be life-changing…

Yes, that rich, flourless chocolate cake COULD actually change your life, but have you asked a friend recently if they’ve had dessert?

After a recent spate of great and not-so-great Tinder/Bumble/pick up in a local bar dates, in one of our weekly dish sessions, my concerned friend expressed that she was worried that my sister or myself might find ourselves in a dangerous situation. Obviously we always tell each other our location, his name, photo, any random information about him that we have accumulated, but in this imaginary scenario, our usual “are you ok?” message might be met with aggression where we might be forced to reply ‘yes’, when in fact, we’re not ok. So we devised a plan…

Have you had dessert?

A discreet and seemingly harmless question, sent approximately 30 minutes into a date, with a series of code responses:

*Yes, I had chocolate means the date is going very well!

*Yes, I had vanilla means it’s good, but a bit boring.

*Yes, I had pistachio means it’s ok, but I’m ready to go home.

All of the above answers indicate that we are all good. Unfortunately, for my sister, I like to mix and match, so she often receives ‘chocolatey vanilla’, or something completely different. Sometimes, when I forget the code, she gets things like “pancakes with blueberries”, because I actually had that. Or when it’s been really spectacular: “triple chocolate with whipped cream and extra chocolate chips with sprinkles”. Obviously, all men would love to be this one, but it’s reserved for a certain Canadian gentleman… well, they’re his words, but I fully endorse them

If things are not going well…

*No, I’m thinking of having a chocolate sundae means it’s not going well, but I’m ok.

*No, I’m thinking of having some rocky road (get it? The road is rocky?) means it’s getting worse, be on standby.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split (split… right?) means if I don’t contact you in the next 10 mins, call or come and get me.

*No, I’m thinking of having a banana split – DO YOU WANT ONE TOO? means get me out now.

And one that we will hopefully never have to use: No, tell Dad to get some donuts means call the police and tell them what’s happening.

We wrote this code laughing hysterically, as my son walked into the room asking ‘oh, are you guys getting dessert?’, but we realised that it’s not really a laughing matter. I mean, realistically, if something were really wrong, chances are we wouldn’t be using code, but it makes it a little more fun…

And let me be clear, this is not about sex… we can have a different one for that

So here I am, writing to you all, sharing stories so we can support each other through good dates, bad dates, heartbreak and excitement and of course, mind-blowing sex!!

I hope you’ll continue to read this and share it with your friends.

Stay tuned for more dating adventures…

To check out this blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156817670/posts/9

Just as you practice safe sex, please practice safe dating!

Max #2

Back at my house that night, Max & I have a drink & he goes outside to smoke. We sit outside chatting, cuddling & kissing before we go into the bedroom & because I’ve shown him my X restraints on my bed, that I had just bought recently, this will be the first time I use them. I actually bought them with Milky in mind but he doesn’t seem to get kink at all. Max ties each limb to each point on the X & teases me with toys, he goes though my draws looking for things to play with.

I am not sure if I’ve ever shared this very intimate detail about myself, that I am in fact a squirter, I never realised it until the first time I had sex with Milky, (which also will show you how much my writing has evolved, my first Milky post I never talked about squirting), I squirted with Milky & he had to get a towel & made me feel weird about it, with Max I squirt too, however tonight, Max takes it to another level. For those who’ve ever watched porn & have seen porn stars squirt all over the place like their vagina has been filled with water, if you’re like me & thought it was fake… Guess again! Yeah, that’s not fake! That is real! Apparently I can spray squirt! Max loved it so much, yet I’m kind of mortified, tied up unable to move, he keeps fingering me till I do it again & again…. The bed is saturated & I am soaking wet too, as I am sure he is… Fuck how did he get me to do that?

Max #2

While we have sex, the sexual interaction with Max isn’t about him fucking me, but more about my pleasure & my enjoyment. He seems to get more enjoyment out of rubbing his cock on my clit & making my cum that way or sticking his fingers inside me to make me squirt than he does actually fucking me. While I’m not complaining, this is certainly the most exciting sex I’ve ever had, he also doesn’t cum a lot himself, most of the times we’ve been together, he’s not cum. He focuses on me. I wonder if that’s part of the reason I am enjoying him so much? Because he’s not just rubbing my clit for 5 seconds then sticking his dick in? Whatever it is, this is certainly the best sex of my life.

We talk a lot online but I don’t see him again for another week, I find out that he works for himself & his office literally 6 minutes from my house. I actually realise that I drive past it every single day on the way to my work. He decides that one night that he wants to come to the gym with me… It’s a small gym where he could have a trial week. I am running late coming home from work so we meet at my house but we kiss & cuddle a little that I just say to him did he want to skip it, but he says no. We race into the cardio class & we work out. It’s a tough class as always. He doesn’t stay over that night, which is fine, I don’t expect him to stay over that much, I mean he does have a wife & I don’t always sleep that well when I have a man in my bed. But of course, we have sex! Hahaha.

The next day on the way to work, my Mum calls me before 8:00 am, I know what this call is going to be… My Mum never calls me. I brace myself & answer the phone, she tells me the news I was dreading to hear. That my Nanna passed away this morning. I don’t cry, I can’t… My Nanna & I had a weird relationship, everyone says that we’re much alike in some ways & that’s why we always butted heads. We would see my Nanna every Sunday at her house for as long as I could remember, but since she went into the nursing home, it had moved to my house. I go to my first work meeting, in a bit of a daze but then ring my boss & say that I can’t work & will cancel my afternoon meetings & go home. I plan to be with my Mum & family, but I stay away. I am obviously chatting to Max & I tell him of this sad news, he asks where I am & I say that I’m at home… He rocks up to my house unannounced in the middle of the day with a bunch of flowers… That still doesn’t make me cry. I am not normal when it comes to crying. We sit on the couch most of the day just chatting or playing a joint game on our phones. It’s nice to just sit there & not think about this.

I talk to him every day, mainly because he makes an effort more than I do. He also asks me to chat to his wife, Sweetie. I do not want to talk to her, I am happy to pretend she & their kids don’t exist. He bugs me about it all the time, says she wants to talk to me. FUCK. This is not what I want… I don’t want to get caught up in the drama of this… It seems to be going quite well. Even though we chat all the time, I don’t see him for another week, which is a quick visit between getting home from work & my massage appointment. I don’t really have the time to see him, but my vagina thinking for me, makes the time… He comes over & we have a sexual interaction– sex with him is not penetrative but just him trying to make me squirt, which he does, EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.

Bieber

I seem to start meeting more people on this anonymous chat app that is not for dating but just for social networking – mainly for teenagers, than I do on actual dating sites. However they are all so young, including a 20 year old guy who I nickname Bieber. He chats to me, I see it going nowhere because we are worlds apart, not just in age as I am in my mid 30’s, but he’s living with his mum (& we all know how that turned out! Refer to Batman). He works, I think as a mechanic apprentice but doesn’t really know what he wants to do. He obviously doesn’t have any assets, I’m not sure I had assets at 20 (actually I owned my car) I think he owns his motorbike but we don’t discuss his loan situation. I also don’t want children – which isn’t a big deal now & lots of younger guys say they don’t want kids either, but what happens in 10 years time when he’s 30, I’m 40 & can’t have kids plus I haven’t changed my mind but he has & then I’m single again but worse now, I’m in my 40’s! (Over thinker much? Yes! ) But I keep chatting to him anyway.

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He keeps talking about catching up with me but I am reluctant when I do the sums & realise that I am almost old enough to have a 20 year old child myself! Yep, that’s a red flag for me. A chick in my class in year 10 did get pregnant, so if I was her, this could be my son!? OMG…

He also tells me that he’s going to be 21 soon & that he wants me to come to his party. OH MI GAWD! No way am I going to go to this guys 21^st & meet his family & friends. Imagine him introducing me to his mother & her being around the same age as me… I mean how embarrassing. I am not this type of women, I don’t think I can date a guy that much younger than me. I don’t think I can get serious about this guy…

He messages me all the time, I pretty much only reply because I am a loser wanting some attention, he gives it to me, without me having to give too much back… Yes I am chatting to a few guys right now but they have lives or wives so I don’t chat to them all the time but fucking hell this guy is young! I notice it with the references we both use or whenever I chat to Max or Milky – I notice the difference in the depth of the conversation.

I don’t even know how it happens but one night, I am typing out my address for this dude, this kid to come over. WTF. He’s 20… TWENTY. We decide on dinner so when he gets there, we order pizza… He looks so young, but like a young Tom Cruise – sort of – he’s taller than me (which isn’t hard to be honest, I’m 5’3), darker hair, skinnier than I usually like, nice eyes, very cute. Just the type of guy I would probably go for, if only he didn’t look like a deer in headlights.

He seems to be a bit lost on what to do, when we’re sitting on the couch & I get up to get him a drink, he gets up & follows me to the kitchen. Kind of cute, but also a bit weird… He tells me that I am much better than my pictures & that he thinks I look really good. I feel like he’s buttering me up & it’s fucking annoying that I lap up the attention like a dickhead.

We eat the pizza & watch movies, while cuddling on the couch. I snuggle into him, this is when i forget how young he is, he’s just a guy with his arms around me, I feel safe & next minute I actually fall asleep on his shoulder. It’s late when I wake up & I realise that he’s not going anywhere but I’m so tired, that I just ask him to go to bed. I show him my bedroom & go to the bathroom, . He’s standing awkwardly in my bedroom when I come back, I feel like I have to be the dominant one, so I just get changed & he slowly undresses while i get into bed. Then he quietly slides into the bed, I switch off the light & feel him slide up against me spooning me. Fuck it actually feels good, but we go to sleep.

We wake up in the morning, kissing a lot & then we’re naked quickly, with a 20 year old, I’m expecting it to be over quickly & me left grossly unsatisfied…. However This boy has stamina! He fucks me for a lot longer than I could ever imagine possible for a 20 year old & he makes me cum multiple times… This is very surprising! Even more surprising being he was so submissive the night before following me around like a puppy, that he is quite a dominant in bed, not kinky dominant, but a nice manly dominant!

We message a little bit after the date, however he disappears after I say hard no to his 21st yet again, I am so not going to that… I am not heart broken or upset, I barely notice it to be honest since I’m chatting to so many men right now, though I am at a point where I don’t want any more bloody one night stands. However this was never going anywhere anyway.

A few months later, I get a message from him which I plan to ignore but I accidentally click on it so it shows that I read it. He tells me that he’s been quiet because he’s been going through some stuff. I Just assume the stuff is other women, so I say he doesn’t owe me any explanation, but he responds telling me that he was out riding his motorbike with his best friend who was in an accident & died, he couldn’t do anything but he saw the whole thing & watched his friend die. OH HOLY FUCK. I say all the usual things that you do when someone has died & tell him not to worry about me, that he should focus on himself. A few months later he messages me again saying he wants to take me out for a proper date. I ignore the message. I have moved on & am with real men… Or am I?

Port Lincoln

Swiping left & right while away for work, I come across a couple of guys who match with me in Port Lincoln – a town almost 8 hours from where I live in Adelaide. One writes back more, with more interesting comments so I focus on him. I let him know I am only in Pt Lincoln for a couple of days, so essentially letting him know I just want sex while here & I want it now, without actually saying to him that I just want to be fucked – that sends the wrong message to men usually. I’m a lady!

He offers for me to go over to his house, but I am cautious of that. I mean I am very far from home, I know no one here, I have no one to rescue me & no one knows where I am, should this guy be a lunatic… We arrange to meet for a wine at the marina instead. It’s a nice quiet crisp weeknight, he’s there when I arrive & I can tell who he is as he’s the only one in the place on his own & also he looks exactly like his pics.

The conversation flows really easily, I am not sure why we start talking about chicken eggs, probably because I am eating eggs every day at the moment but he tells me they are just a chickens period, well then! That’s a great topic for a first date. OMG what is wrong with this guy! However he is very intellectual – discussing all sorts of my usual off limits conversations topics like politics & religion that I feel a bit out of my depth with his conversation, I mean lighten up dude!

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We drink 2 glasses of wine at the marina, when I suggest that he come back to my hotel room, I have a little room which is quite nice with an outdoor entry, so we don’t have to walk through a reception or anything – which is mortifying doing that. He agrees & so he follows me back to the hotel even though I’m pretty sure he knew where it was. I don’t have anything to drink but water, so I offer him a glass, turn on the TV & sit on the couch with him. We don’t sit there for long, thank god before he leans over & kisses me. It’s really hot, he’s pretty good kisser… We move it to the bedroom area of the hotel room & he goes down on me, I am a bit worried because my period is just about to start – so I’m a little self concious & don’t think this is going to be very good because I don’t know how much I will relax. But fuck! He literally is the best head of my life, up until then at least. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy go down on me long enough without sticking his fingers in to make me cum. That was amazing… Mind blown… Wow, just wow!

He asks me to suck his cock, which I do because not only do I like to do it but I also he’s just literally made me forget my own name. Wow… (Yeah I’m still going on about it! Hahaha…) I suck him for a bit then we put on a condom & have sex. The sex is ok, not quite as good as him going down on me, but still respectable. Just pretty normal sex, nothing out of the ordinary. He then asks me to suck his cock again, which isn’t as good with the taste of plastic from the condom lingering but it is still good, I really like doing it for some guys, he cums in my mouth (why is this a thing I let guys do now?)

We lay there sated, for a little while, not a long time, but we’re just chatting, easily before he gets up to go. It’s quite easy with him, that I am actually sad that he lives in Port Lincoln & not in Adelaide. But I think that perhaps next time I’m out here that I can catch up with him, kind of like a FWB in another town. He actually messages me on the app with his phone number shortly afterwards, so I send him a text the next morning & tell him that I couldn’t look at my eggs the same way this morning after what he said. We text a little, he tells me that he is moving back to Adelaide soon before he goes overseas, he was there with his wife that he split with, now he’s moving overseas. I go home to Adelaide a day later, but I wonder if I’m going to be able to see him again next time I’m in Port Lincoln or maybe when he’s in Adelaide?

Erotica: Scene Two – Eight Spanks

For new readers, I started sharing some erotica fiction that I wrote. Not completely irrelevant to my blogs but not necessarily essential.

I hoped you enjoyed Scene One – Nipple Bells. You may have to read it first for this to make sense as they do flow on from one another…

Here is the second instalment… Enjoy!

Scene Two – Eight Spanks

He leans on me between my legs while I still have aftershocks of my orgasm running through me.
He releases one of the nipple clamps & lightly kisses the sensitive skin, he proceeds to do the same on my other nipple.
The release is bittersweet.
He reaches up to my hands & pulls them down from above my head, unclipping the clips on the cuffs to free my arms.
He rubs my shoulders & I feel so special that he takes the time to make sure I am ok.
He grabs my hands in his hand & pulls me to standing, my legs still spread with the spreader bar attached to my ankles.
I am weak from my orgasm & standing in heels with the bar, I stumble, but he catches me around the waist.
His hands run over my sensitive breasts, while he kisses my neck.
I lean my head back on his shoulder, loving his tender touch.
He whispers in my ear
“Bend over”

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I wonder how I am going to stand through what I think he’s going to do, he clips my wrist cuffs onto the bar between my legs.
His hand rubs my ass that’s poking in the air, I know what he’s planning, he’s going to spank me while I’m standing up.
“I want you to count the spanks out loud, so I can hear you”
“Yes Sir”
“Good girl”
He takes his hand away & I brace myself for the impact.
When it doesn’t come, I peer back to see what he is doing, then he spanks me.
It makes me unstable on my feet, but he holds me by the waist to steady me.
“One”
“Louder”
“One” I cry out
He rubs my other butt cheek & does the same, I brace myself but it’s only when he sees me relax that he spanks me
“Two”
He rubs my ass & in quick succession he hits me twice.
“Three, Four”
Then before I know it, his cock is deep inside me, but then out before I even get used to being full of his cock.
As his cock enters me again, quickly in & out, he spanks me, I let out a yelp
“Five”
He builds up speed, pulling his cock all the way out each time, then pounding into me, I can barely stay standing.
I feel like I am close to cumming again.
He spanks me with each thrust
“Six, I’m going to cum sir”
“You must ask permission”
He tortures me again
“Seven, please may I cum sir?” he groans & picks up the pace, that I am struggling to stay standing
“Please sir, can I cum for you?”
As he pounds into me, spanking my ass one last time he says
“Yes”
I scream “Eight” as if it’s the usual thing I say when I cum
He keeps pounding into me as I cum so hard on his cock, squeezing him as he pulls in & out of me.
As my orgasm starts to subside, he unclips my hands from the bar & unclips the bar from my legs, he stands me up but I am so weak, I can barely stand.
He pulls me upright against his chest, his hands on my breasts again, he leans into my ear
“I’m not done with you yet…”

Cold shower anyone?!

Guest Blogger: 30 Things Women Want Men To Know

I read this via another Blog (https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1094) & I found it very interesting.

I disagree with number 2 personally, I’ve said this many times before. However the rest of these are very true for me too!

30 Things Women Want Men To Know

Posted on May 20, 2016 by MaKupsy

I was really trying to avoid blogging about anything concerning sex but I guess it was highly inevitable. Today I am sharing those things most women wish men knew but simply don’t tell them. My personal thoughts are points 1-10 and 30 and the rest of the points are from the women I asked. Here’s hoping no one takes offence but maybe takes notes instead and make sex something both you and your partner enjoy.

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It is not about the quantity but the quality of sex. Why are you trying to have 8 rounds of 2 minute sex?? One session of good sex is good enough and if you are doing things right and hitting the spot then by all means rest assured I am fine.
Size does matter. For me that is, that motion for the ocean line doesn’t hold water. I am a big girl, I like big things.
Sex in the dark? NO, switch on the light please I want to see what’s going on.
If you have to ask “how was it” you know the sex was lousy.
Do no keep asking me how it was; you are not ready for the truth.
Just because the last woman you slept with liked anal sex does not mean the next woman does. Ask before trying to sneak your dick into my ass hole!
I don’t fake orgasms, if I didn’t cum I didn’t cum, it is really that simple.
Oral sex is a big turn on. Eat that pussy like it’s the cure for some life threatening disease! Note I said EAT not small little licks!
Do not bite the clitoris! Just because it is shaped like a jelly bean it does not mean it was made for biting. That is a sensitive organ, be gentle.
Don’t be lazy, put your back in it!
Take off ALL your clothes. Why do you leave some clothes on? Socks, vest, take it off we want to see all your body parts.
Screaming doesn’t mean we are enjoying it. It can mean one of three things. Maybe we just want to stroke your ego and make you think you are pumping us proper, we want you to stop or it’s actually painful. LOL
We don’t always orgasm, but that’s okay. Do not make it a big deal because if you do we end up faking orgasms.
Sex should not always be about a good fuck. Sometimes a woman wants some good old deep, delicious and slow love making.
Change of scenery will definitely spice up the sex. The bedroom becomes boring. Sex in the shower anyone?
We love surprises; introduce goodies like chocolate, strawberries, yoghurt, edible lingerie…
Take a bath! Who do you want to climb on top of smelling like you were ploughing in a field all day?
Sweat is a NO NO. Show up smelling divine and maybe a different cologne every now and again is a huge turn on.
Do not be a selfish lover, wait for the woman to orgasm.
Do not keep switching tempo. We do like variety BUT constantly changing tempo interrupts our flow. Worst time to switch is when we are about to orgasm. Do you have any idea what it takes to finally get an orgasm??? Do not tempt us to punch you in the face during sex!
If a woman is not in the mood for sex she is not. No amount of parading in the room naked will change her mind.
Foreplay is more than just sticking your fingers up her pussy.
Enjoying sex does not make me a freak.
Sex is meant to be fun.
If you expect to get head you better wash up your dick properly!
Women probably love sex more than men but our society has raised us in a way where showing that labels you a loose woman.
Most women are shy to initiate sex but in her mind she has ripped off your clothes and done all sorts of unimaginable things!
Women are horniest when they are on their period. Some actually don’t mind sex during that time of the month.
You don’t know women like that. Just because your friend told you his woman liked this, it doesn’t mean I will like it.
TALK, TALK, TALK! You must communicate during sex. That way you both say what you want. Laughing is even welcome when things go wrong. That’s the whole point of sex, to have a good time. Give specifics and help each other to enjoy amazing sex!

*Side Note – Remember to practice safe sex. If you have sex without any form of contraception, then you may be at risk of a pregnancy (as well as a sexually transmitted infections).

Here’s a link to their blog: https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2016/05/20/30-things-women-want-men-to-know/

Hope you all enjoyed!

Max

I meet Max, online, on the anonymous app that I use when bored, again not really for dating or adults, but we chat a fair bit, he tells me that he’s married, pretty early on in the conversation actually – probably a bit too soon, at least I didn’t have to probe it out of him for a change like most married guys (Where are all the bloody single men?!) but this one has a new take on married life… He’s in an open relationship – Well that’s one I haven’t heard before, so I’ll give him credit for that at least. But I keep talking to him because he keeps making the effort.

We talk about a lot of things over the few weeks, when he says that him & his wife with another friend are going to Switch, a kinky event that I was still yet to attend as I didn’t have any friends that would want to go with me – but I did want to go. He kinda invites me but I decline as I don’t even know this guy, I really don’t think I want to meet his wife or his friend & him all in the same night, or his wife ever.

When things for the second time are rocky with Milky, I decide that I need another FWB so this could work maybe – in some weird way. I won’t be able to get attached to him, so it might work out being that I am fucking sick of bloody men dicking me around – this guy can’t do anything bad to me really. Can he? We talk about meeting & how I have been kayaking a lot recently, when he says that he wants to go with me. I suggest that we go out together one time, so that’s how he suggests we meet.

The weekend we’re supposed to meet, I go out drinking & dancing on a boat cruise, which docks fairly early & my friend drops me home. I’m tipsy & bored trying to find someone online to come over to fuck me – I’m horny & tipsy, what can I say? I’m chatting to a couple of people & Max – who I am meeting tomorrow around lunchtime for the first time for a kayak.

He tells me to unlock the door, stay in bed naked & wait for him. I say no instantly, but he keeps asking for my address & talking sexy… I have to admit I get a little excited, that I decide to do it. Next minute I’m typing out my address at 2:00 am to a compete stranger, thinking how can this guy just get up & leave his wife to fuck me but he says he’s on his way, so no time to think about that, so I need to unlock my front door, which I do & then I’m waiting for this guy to walk into my house while I get back into bed naked.

He seems to be taking his time, when I get a message asking what number house I live in, when I tell him, he realises he’s trying to open my neighbors door. He’s so fucking lucky that they didn’t wake up & call the cops. A dude lurking around the streets trying to open peoples front doors. Hahaha.

I’m lying in bed, watching TV waiting for him to rock up, I have amazing hearing so have been waiting to hear the door unlock, waiting to hear the screen door to close, I hear nothing & think this guy is taking his sweet ass time from next door, I even look at my phone again to see if he’s typing, when I see a weirdo in my doorway wearing a skeleton hoodie. I jump a fucking mile! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I wouldn’t be surprised if I swore or made some weird squealing noise. Because I’m a little bit shaken, he comes over to my side of the bed to get in but I tell him to go to the other side, he says that I’m abrasive. But I mean this guy has just scared the shit out of me, I’m tipsy & not even sure what he really looks like in real life (he’s walked in with a skeleton covering his face!)

He’s pretty cute, I am attracted to him – well kinda too bad if I’m not, I guess, he’s climbing into my bed. We kiss, talk & cuddle & have sex before we fall asleep. In the morning we have sex again & because it’s good sex, I suggest that we just stay in bed, I don’t want to go kayaking anymore. I’d rather have good sex. It’s different than with Milky, it’s exciting again because it’s not just my legs in the air but he wants to go so he says we’ll go kayaking as we planned. We pack the kayaks up & head down to the river.

We kayak for a while when I realise that the tide is going out because we took so long to drag our asses out of bed. So we sit next to each other floating down the river & he kisses me or touches my leg all the time, just like he did when we were loading the kayaks, he constantly was touching me or finding a way to kiss me without it being too weird. I find myself enjoying the affection to be honest, Milky isn’t affectionate at all really, I mean even his aftercare when he spanks me is lacking somewhat, I am quite surprised from my research of the kink world & what Doms should do after they do any sort of impact play. I’m not much of an affectionate person, but Max literally acts like he’s interested in me, being cheeky & always finding a way or reason to touch me. It’s probably a real first. I mean Boyfriend sort of did that but it’s been a while since I had this type of affection.

When we finish kayaking & he tells me that his wife Sweetie (Her nickname on the chat app), will be really upset that we went kayaking because she really wants to go. Didn’t he tell her where he was going with me? I’m also like why would you tell me that? I don’t want to piss her off – especially since I am enjoying the time with her husband, I suggest that he can borrow my kayaks anytime to take her out.

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He messages me everyday after our first meet & within a week he says that he wants to see me, right now & that he’s coming over. It’s late on a Sunday night after my family has left for the night. We just cuddle on the couch, he’s in his batman pyjamas but of course we have sex – it’s me after all…. Lets face it! It’s nice just to hang with him, he doesn’t sleep over but I enjoy the time we spent just chilling & talking.

I ask him if he wants to go to the movies with me to see Fifty Shades of grey – I had bought tickets & the date was looming & I had no one to take that wanted to see it, this was perfect as I knew it would probably make me horny! He says yes & that he’d take me out for dinner too – like a proper date. I book a table our for dinner & he tells me that he’s vegan. Does that mean I need to eat vegan too? I ask if it’s ok if I order chicken, he says yes but I get the feeling it’s not ok & I feel bad the whole meal, wishing I ordered at least a vegetarian option. Again he’s affectionate, tickling my leg or playing footsies with me, we hold hands while walking to the cinema, that I actually forget that I am on a date with a married guy. It’s been so long since I had an proper date, which feels more like a few months in date, not a few weeks in date. I can’t even remember when I have felt so special on a date… After like a year hanging with Milky & watching TV, this is really really good. He’s picked me up, driven me here. I don’t think I’ve watched a single TV show with Max! When he came over to hang out the TV was on, but we never actually watched it.

We watch the movie with his hand on my leg the whole time. I feel awkward, but somehow it also feels so natural, this is so strange. He’s got a wife & 4 kids! As if I could forget though, he brings her up quite a bit. It’s a good reality check to be honest, not sure if its his way of keeping me at an emotional distance or if he just doesn’t have anyone else to talk about. But at this point anyway, I am so closed off to the prospect of a relationship, so he’s got nothing to worry about. He comes back to stay at my house that night, it’s pre planned that he’s staying over so Sweetie knows of course, but she messages him a few times during the night & also calls him just as we get back to my house, for something frivolous, nothing that couldn’t wait. I mean she knows where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, so why would she call if she’s ok with him spending the night?

Milky #8

I send Milky a text with a picture of some new bed restraints that I have just bought in the last few weeks, it’s like an X that goes on the top of my mattress but loops around under the mattress. I have used them with another guy (stories to come!) & hope that Milky will use with me too! He doesn’t seem to even care that much, just says that he doesn’t take much notice of what’s under my sheets. Well, they’re only new & he hasn’t been over my house, so he wouldn’t have seen them last time he was there. But I do expect that he would have something more to say than the fact that he didn’t notice them last time he was at my house. It takes the wind out of my sails with him a little bit & I am now kind of a bit reluctant to show him in real life. Also I’m reluctant to want to talk about kink with him, this is like the 3rd time that he’s talked about kink with me but never done anything.

I am still constantly talking to Dom, who seems more excited than Milky, when Milky actually has a chance to use them with me. It kinda makes me wonder if this guy is kinky at all. I do more kinky things with Dom & I’ve never even met the guy. He tells me when I can cum & when I must wait, what to call him & orders me to do things throughout the day… This is what I want with Milky.

Interestingly during that conversation Milky says that he takes notice of women’s bed heights, because he likes too fuck at the end of the bed (oh really dude, never would have guessed?!) & that with some chicks he’s had to put a pillow under their ass to be the right height… Really? So it’s not just me that gets this position? WOW. I get that everyone has their positions they like the best, but I just think that’s hilarious that he has to tell me that he likes that position.

While we’re messaging, I ask him to come over, He can’t because his car is fucked apparently & he has to borrow his dad’s car just to get to work. He never actually asked me to his place, so I didn’t offer that up either – assuming he didn’t want to see me. So we just message most of the night. We talk about dick pics again, I tell him that I’ve never fucked a guy who’s ever sent me an unsolicited dick pic, but for some reason, at that time, I was keeping them all in my phone (I don’t know why!) & I’ve also never asked for a dick pic either, I don’t find dicks very attractive – especially from a random guy. I mean I would send pics eventually to a guy but I don’t think that a random cock shot is very attractive. We also talk about a joke of me being used as a piece of furniture – furniture fetish – which yeah I know it a bit weird, even by my standards but it’s a bit of a joke we have. He tells me to pick my top 5 fetishes that I want ticked off & he’ll do them next weekend with me. Will he really? I don’t believe him… I don’t think he’ll will to be honest. I mean so far, every time I’ve asked him to do something, he hasn’t. But I guess we’re more open & honest now.

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The next time I see him, we watch tv, drink wine as usual. I think that this is just going to be the same old night as always. He moves over to kiss me on the couch & we actually have sex on the couch for a change, I am hanging off it by the time we are done… My should hurting, but like the mix up that I am ignoring the pain. Then he actually ties my wrists to the pool table (sorry to my late Pa!), bends me over it, fucking me from behind & then whipping me with a flogger… That’s super fun & I love the fact he’s being more kinky with me. OMG, seriously love this, it’s so weird, who likes pain!? Yep me! I don’t let him tie my ankles to the pool table, he just ties my wrists, like I have said before, I am not 100% ready to be completely tied down yet, I am still really new to this rope thing, I think I will get there but right now I want to build that trust since this is technically the first time I’ve ever been tied up and I do have a bit of claustrophobia.

I am out on a date with Offroad which isn’t going very well, so I message Milky to see what he is doing tonight, I tell my date that I have friends party to get too & have to make a cheese plate, so I best go. Milky comes over to my house, what do you think we do? OMG you guessed it, we watch TV (Admittedly he gets me onto a TV show called The In-betweeners, which is fucking gold. I even laughed in Milky’s mouth once while we were watching it while kissing – whoops) but we fuck like usual, he doesn’t really try to do anything new or be kinky much at all. He spanks my ass a little when he fucks me from behind, but it’s nothing new. He also showers like seconds after fucking me, making me feel a bit dirt or something. Kinda reminds me of that guy Miranda fucks in Sex & the city who showers because he’s religious. Cleansing his sins, or something. Milky does that but never used to shower so incessantly the first time we started seeing each other, maybe this time he feels more comfortable? I don’t know what it is, but it’s a bit weird. Maybe it’s normal & I just haven’t had a FWB who stays over etc as much as he does?!

The next morning, we have sex & we get up, he hangs around & decides to fix my chairs – he had offered ages ago saying that he’s pretty handy & his friends get him to help them build stuff all the time. He has to pull them apart, removing the staples & fixes them, then puts them back together. I literally could not be less interested in what he is doing & lie on the couch watching TV the whole time. He stays till about 3:00 pm which is the longest we’ve been together. It was a bit coupley, him going to my shed to get tools while I literally lay there all day wondering if he’ll leave or why he is so intent on fixing my furniture…

Offroad

I met this guy online, he didn’t have a profile picture up, so I never saw his face & I wasn’t sure what he looked like, but I thought I would try something new to meet men & maybe meet someone that I didn’t like the look of, or even know what they looked like. Who knows where it could lead right? I apparently need to branch out.

But after talking to this guy a while he sent me pictures of his face, he wasn’t entirely my type but I thought that I would give him a go because we did get along quite well online, so I thought, maybe I just need to go for men that I am not as attracted too… I mean when I go for men that I am attracted to they end up being a douche, Origin/Milky case in point!

We plan to meet & I am a bit unsure about meeting him knowing he is a bit older & from his pictures he actually looks older than he really is. I decide that a drink is the best option because I am not that keen & I can gauge how it will be with him & if I want to see him again.

I arrange to meet him at the newly renovated pub where I actually met Origin for the first time, it’s the easiest nicest place around me. Offroad was fine with that, even though I think it’s closer to me!

When he arrived I was already there, I hate being the first one there but then again I hate having to walk around the pub trying to find the person you’re supposed to be on a date with, especially if they look nothing like their pictures. I don’t want to walk in the pub, look around then sit somewhere else while they’re sitting a few tables away & I didn’t recognise them! How embarrassing. Anyway he arrives & comes to the table I’m sitting at. It’s a square smallish table, (this may not seem important, but wait! Hahaha.) I’m sitting at one side of the table, as you do, right. He offers to get me a drink, I tell him what I want & wait for him to come back. I assess the outfit as he walks off, it’s a spring afternoon, so he’s casual, wearing a baseball cap, harry high pants which are light blue jeans that are kind of baggy so he has a belt on that gathers the waist, a pinkish polo shift that’s tucked in so the belt is exposed & his collar is popped… Yeah… You know the type, right… So not the type of guy I like the look of.

I decide not to judge his outfit, even though I despise it. We do get along well online so lets give him a chance before I write him off, clothes can be changed if we get into a relationship, anyway. But when he returns with our drinks, he sits down in his chair, moving it so his own legs are straddling one of the legs of the table & so he’s half sharing my side of the square table & half using his – basically, the corner of the table is poking him in the gut. He sits with his head in his hand, his elbow resting on the table, not taking his eyes off me the whole time, sitting so ridiculously close, it’s so intense that I am weirded out. I don’t know if I should get up & sit on the opposite side of the table but then we’ll be face to face & might be weirder. We talk a lot but he the conversation is very intense about my work & I am conscious not to go into work mode. I start getting concerned how I am going to get out of this afternoon date & stop it from leading into the night.

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I go to the bathroom & message Milky to come over tonight. He’s used me to get out of a date, maybe I can use him to get out of this one. Milky agrees to come over about 6 or 7, so at least I won’t’ be sitting by myself tonight. Now what do I say to Offroad? So I go back to the table & I start dropping hints that I have a friends house to go to later tonight & I have to make a cheese platter. (WTF?) He seems genuinely disappointed but asks me millions of questions about the cheese I’m taking, about my friends & what the function is that I’m going too. Oh my god, does he not believe me? (Well he has every reason not to trust me, I am lying to him right now, but fuck, I don’t know this guy! Take the hint!)

It’s harder than I thought to lie to him, because he keeps trying to get another drink or keep the conversation going, even though I’ve said a few times I better get going. I am petrified about what might happen when he walks me to the car, but luckily I think the vibe I am giving off, he leans into kiss my cheek & hug me goodbye. I know now that I am 100% not interested in this guy.

A few days later, I get messages from him, I try to ignore them because I hate that conversation & surely he got the drift. However he starts to send me cock shots & jerking off videos that I am even more turned off by him. I don’t mind a cheeky nudie picture or two with a guy I am interested in, but there is nothing more disrespectful than a guy constantly sending you his cock when you haven’t even seen it in real life!

I get rid of him by telling him I’m not interested, but over the months that follow I often get a cock shot or a jerking video. I mean I haven’t spoken to him at all for weeks & he’s sending me pictures & videos. The easiest way to ignore is not to read the messages he sends! Sometimes that doesn’t stop them but in this case, eventually he got the message!

Erotica: Scene One – Nipple Bells

So you may remember me telling you that as I journeyed into a kink world, I had already read Fifty Shades of Grey, I then read a real life S&M introduction book, then entering this world with men I was seeing, exploring some kinks, my writers imagination ran away with me… Over the course of about a week or two I wrote 12 ‘scenes’ that were pure imagination at the time & I posted them online. I wrote these with no man in particular in mind (So they’re not written about any one I have posted about), but I know that this is the type of man I would want.

While these have no real relevance to the actual blog stories, I do reference them so I thought it only fair to share with you here, these were also the very first pieces of writing that I ever published, however I have written a lot of stuff in my life… Maybe I should’ve always been a writer?!

Anyway, for the next 12 weeks, I will post on Thursday a scene from my erotica imagination… These are unedited from the original post, except for any spelling or grammatical errors I missed (which is kind of annoying, because as I read & I can see where I can elaborate! Maybe I will add to the story in the future…)

I hope you enjoy & stick with me – I’m interested to hear your thoughts too!

Scene One – Nipple Bells

Sitting in my corset, mask & skyscraper heels, he tells me to sit on the edge of the bed & strap my ankle cuffs on.
I start to fumble getting them on, he tells me to hurry up, he will count to 5 & I must have them on.
My breath starts to quicken & I fumble more as he counts, deep, loud, masculine numbers.
I click the last padlock just as he says 5, he smiles
“Good Girl”
He tells me to do the same with the wrist cuffs, which are harder to put on yourself, he tells me he’s not a patient man & starts to count again.
I don’t know what these cuffs attach too but I know he’ll have something amazing planned for me.
He pulls out a bar, which has 4 clips on it, 2 at each end & 2 in the middle.
He tells me to attach the clips to my ankle cuffs.
Again I fumble with the excitement, I can feel how wet I am getting just from the thought of what he will do to me once I am restrained.
He tells me to lie back on the bed and to dig the heels of my shoes into the bed, bending my knees up & spreading them.
He clips my cuffs on my wrists together & puts them above my head
“Do not move them. Understand?” I nod.
He just stares at me though his mask, our eyes meeting for the longest time.
He moves suddenly & pulls down the cups of my corset, exposing each breast.
My nipples jump to attention, under his gaze & tender touch.
But then he clips a nipple clamp on one, I am caught by surprise & yelp, arching my back as I do, I hear a little bell ring.
He caresses my other nipple & attaches another clamp to it.
“Every time I hear these bells ring, I will spank you”
His deep voice filled with promise, it sends a shiver down my spine & the bells jingle.

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“One”
I bite my lip already knowing how difficult this is going to be for me, a beginner, but I want to please him.
He moves to the end of the bed, standing between my open legs, I hear a click & a buzz then I feel the pulsating vibrations on my clit though my panties.
I wriggle again without even thinking & the bells jingle
“Two” I let out a moan, I’m not sure if because of the vibrator or the anticipation of him spanking me afterwards.

He stands over me, staring as I take in the pleasure & pain.
He starts undressing himself, he’s standing there stroking his cock
“Do you know how hot you look like that?”
I can barely get any words out, as I’m trying not to move because of the bells but also because of the vibrator that’s teasing me.
He reaches down quickly, pulling my lace panties to the side, clicking the vibrator to another setting & resting it back on my clit.
I wriggle again, arching my back
“Three”
I let out an almighty moan
“You must ask permission to cum”
I want to ask permission but I also want this pleasure to go on, however I also don’t want to make those bells ring again. Or do I?
My body starts building & I know I’m close to cumming.
“I need to cum”

“Is that how you ask?”
I bite my lip trying to control the urge.
“Please Sir, may I cum?”
“Good girl”
I know he is pleased, but that wasn’t permission to cum, I must beg
“Please Sir, please, please Sir, I need to cum”
“Hmmmm”
‘”Please sir, let me cum for you”
My body starts shaking & the bells ring
“Four”
“Pleeeeessssseeee”
“Five” The bells jingle again
“Six”
“Fuck, please Sir, let me cum” I wriggle one more time
“Seven”
My body starts to shake
“You may cum”
& I do, hard, fast, shaking all over, shoes digging into the bed, legs spread, eyes closed, back arched
“Eight”
I know the bells are jingling but I can’t even care about that, my eyes are blurry & my orgasm is taking over.
It takes a minute for my body to stop moving from that orgasm
“Good girl, now I will spank you eight times…”

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation #2

I’ve been interested in this story to see where it went & I was interested in your feedback… Thank you She-Wolf for letting me share your blog! I love that I am not alone with crazy dating stories…

Remember that this is like her diary, she can’t (just like me) change what she did.

Update on The Impossible Situation

Predictably- it ended.

I can’t say that it ended well. I can’t say that I don’t have regret for how it happened, or how we both behaved, but it was for the best.

He and I had been growing apart.

The person I had to be in order to be with him was far removed from the me I wanted to be; that I’d fought to become. I didn’t love having to support a family that wasn’t mine (because he “couldn’t” work, and that left the responsibility to me). I hated having no time to myself. I loathed always having to be on because I had to be responsible. It pissed me off that a thirty-something year old man was still attached to his umbilical cord, and was the worst mama’s boy I’ve ever encountered.

The experience taught me that- while I loved his children for who they are and how much joy they brought to me- I’m not meant to love someone else’s children. I am not cut out for parenting at all. I don’t have the patience. I don’t have the desire deep in my soul to give myself up to be the world for a tiny little love terrorist that needs me endlessly. I’m selfish; I love sleeping in and going shopping and having the freedom to do what I want, when I want…. and I’m totally ok with that. Plus- my cat hated the kids; to the extent that she’d crap on their bed in protest of their presence.

The other big turning point for me- apart from not wanting to be an insta-Mum- was reconnecting with “The One That Got Away”. Naturally, our conversation flowed easily, and we could tell each other everything. I confided my misgivings about my situation; including but not limited to the emotional and financial manipulation the impossible situation imposed on me, how it affected my health- both physical and mental- and how much I was hating life in general.

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After the girl in “Green Eyed Monster” disappeared, he and I became closer again. I even arranged to go away for the weekend of his birthday, so I could get away from my own life and spend time with him. You’ll get to read all about this in another post, I promise! After that weekend, I KNEW I couldn’t stay where I was.

I did the only thing I could do- I went home and tried to end it.

The impossible situation did not take it well. He didn’t listen to a word I said and basically bullied me into staying put longer than I wanted. It may seem devious, but I was cornered and I felt desperate. I made an escape plan. I started slowly “reorganising” things and subtly packing my things. One day when he was out, I had a friend come pick up me and as much of my stuff as we could fit (as well as my rather disgruntled cat), and I ran.

I left him a note on the table, explaining in detail why I chose to leave this way- because it was the only way I could get him to accept it- and went to stay with a close girlfriend, while I planned my interstate move.

Suffice to say, he didn’t take it well. Some furniture got damaged. I didn’t get my rental bond back. He accepted the situation after a few weeks though. His family didn’t think much of me or the way I did it, but frankly I don’t give a shit. They all knew he was punching above his weight with me. They all knew how bad I struggled with him and the hell he made my life and they did nothing.

I still speak to him infrequently. He vowed to fight to have my access blocked to his kids if I didn’t. While they are not my children, I do still love them dearly, and I made a promise to them to always be a grown up that they could come to when they need to talk to someone, if for some reason they couldn’t talk to their parents- and I take that role seriously. Kids wouldn’t struggle if they felt they could trust adults more.

If I had my way though, I wouldn’t. There’s nothing more to say.

She-Wolf x

Here’s the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/122

Mechanic #4

I take Mechanic’s sunnies with me to work, I figure he’ll want them today, like I said I cannot survive without my sunnies for a minute so he’ll want them back, surely. I put them on & send a picture of me in them & say something cheeky about him leaving them behind. He makes a joke but doesn’t ask me to drop them off or ask to pick them up. Well he is at work so maybe he’ll want them back tonight.

It takes him almost another month to finally want to come pick up his sunnies, we’ve been chatting every day on the chat app, but I guess that him leaving them behind didn’t have any meaning, besides he actually forgot them. I love how my mind made that into something way bigger than it was. We chat about all sorts of things though, I talk to him about the kink that I’ve been getting into & he says that he’s interested in being ‘pegged’ (A woman using a strap on with a man.) It’s around this time too, that I am buying a lot of sex toys, so I buy a strap on online to see if this is something I am into. At this point in my life, I am open to trying anything a man suggests. Why not, this is all new to me as well.

The night he plans to come get them, he says he’s really busy at a friends then has to go to another friends also, he’ll pop in just for a drink but can’t stay. When he walks in with a whole bottle of Jack Daniels & 2 litres of coke, I wonder how much he thinks he’s going to drink. We talk for a while in the kitchen & the conversation flows easily over a couple of drinks, when he finishes his drink, picks up his bottles, says he’s running late to his friends house (yes that’s because he was also late getting to my house) & he gets ready to leave. I think surely he’s not going to leave without even kissing me. So I make a move. Yes unheard of for me, I never do that, I leaned in & kissed him, he kissed me back, so I grab the bottles & put them down, I feel like this is the last time I’m ever going to see him.

We move, kissing the whole way into my bedroom where we have sex, its quick & hot, not as good as other sex we’ve had but I still enjoyed it. He jumps up afterwards & says that he has to go. I am a little disappointed but he’s been saying this all evening. I’m not sure I believe it, I think that he’s not keen on me anymore.

We talk a little bit after that, but he never really makes an effort to chat to me when I try, which I do message first sometimes, to show that I am interested. But that doesn’t seem to help. He’s obviously not keen on me, or he’s found someone else, who knows what happens with men. I’m genuinely sad, but I have others I’m chatting to so I don’t let it get to me. However this guy was my dream guy…

A few months later, I get given a new car at work & it needs some plastic thing added to the front, they ask if I will take it to the dealer. I say yes of course, not realising what I am saying, then I immediately freak out. What if I see him there? Will he think I am stalking him – like some sort of weirdo? I go there, into the shop, trying to look casual but also trying to keep an eye out for him. Will he pretend not to know me if he does see me? Would he say hello? Would that spark the conversation online again? Would I have to message to say I’m not stalking him? OMG… Overthinking overload! I don’t see his car anywhere, but I am at a car yard, so there a hundreds of cars there, I have no idea where he would park. Thank god I don’t see him, though a part of me is a little disappointed too… I don’t know where he parks but I didn’t see his car either.

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Months later, maybe 12 or more, at my family dinner (which we have every Sunday night at my house since my nanna passed away) my brother in law starts to mention a single guy that he met on the weekend, he is a friend of a friend who came over to fix his car, he said to me that he’s single & British, my ears prick up. Then he says he’s got a hotted up Ford Ute, I ask if it’s purple, he says yes, then I say ‘Oh, I’ve already fucked him in that ute’ FUCK as if I just said that in front of my mum! That was an accident! (Sorry mum! -Though hope she’s not reading!) I show my brother in law the picture of him on he chat app & it’s the same guy. My sister said that he did do a double take when he met her. Oddly they tell me that his kid was playing with my nephew quite well. Errr, ok? He’s got a kid? He never mentioned having a kid. Why wouldn’t he tell me he had a kid? I was chatting to him for almost 6 months. Maybe I got this guy all wrong.

My brother in law tells me that he just broke up with someone (well that explains him disappearing) I figure he wasn’t cheating on his partner because he slept over one night & was at my house really late the other times. But assumed he met someone else. I wonder if that’s why the last night he was here, he was late between visits to his friends house & his new girlfriends? Who knows…

My family egg me on to message him on the app, I do asking him if the chick he met the other day looked familiar. It takes him a couple of days for him to reply to me & he says yeah he didn’t realise it was my sister, but Adelaide is a small place (yeah no shit). We chat a bit & for a few days but it fizzles out. While this guy was my perfect on paper guy, he’s not my perfect guy, you know, he’s clearly got issues, I mean who doesn’t tell someone they’ve met a few times & that they’ve slept over about a kid they have! I leave this one alone, even though it is a hard one to let go! He literally had my whole imaginary Checklist!

Milky #7

We text a lot actually, at one point Milky tells me that I am good at sex (Yes… I love hearing that! Although, clearly I knew! hahaha) & we have banter about the bambillo empire I apparently have or of me falling of the bed that one time (like ages ago! Move on dude, these jokes are so old!). He shows concern for me when I tell him about a drunken night after a work function around Christmas when I was left on my own, ridiculously drunk, I remember falling over because I have bruises but I don’t remember how I got back to the hotel.

However after all the texting, it’s still another couple of weeks before we catch up again, at his house. Nothing exciting, yet again, we sit watch TV, drink wine & fuck. Wow, we’re like a fucking married couple unless I’m drunk AF! This is fucking bullshit. Literally the same position every fucking time we have sex… Where’s the guy who introduced me to a bit of kink? Lucky I am seeing other people, not like last time when I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

However in the morning, he asks to see my ‘toys’ (you know, the kind in your bedside table!), he pulls them all out & basically uses almost every single vibe on me & also takes a fair bit of time whipping my butt with a flogger at the same time, so much so that I get some instant bruises. FINALLY! Some kink… Well done Milky! He’s redeemed himself! That was actually a lot of fun! I discover that I actually really enjoy a bit of pain – not for everyone I know, but it’s a thing I have started to enjoy…. I also love a bruise from being cheeky, maybe for a week afterwards & I smile every time I look at it!

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I am away a lot for work, so I don’t get much time to see anyone, so it’s yet another couple of weeks later before we catch up again, by this time I have also recently got a pool table, from my Nanna’s house as she has just gone into a nursing home & no one in the family wanted wanted it, I don’t really have room for it at my house, but it was my Grandpa’s who I never met because he died years before I was born, however I was a bit sentimental about this pool table, so I got it & put it in the middle of my lounge room! I have an L shaped lounge, so I was able to put in part of the lounge without disrupting my living much. I was going to put it outside but didn’t want it to get ruined being it’s like 40 years old or something! (How cool am I? Putting a pool table in my lounge room… I mean I am the perfect girlfriend!)

He comes over just before Christmas, I am just sitting on the couch drinking vodka (I usually have a rule not to drink alone, but I decide that since he might be coming over, I won’t be alone) Milky is not one to bail, he is dependable, so I know that he’ll be there later. When he comes over, he gives me a bottle of wine – a dessert type wine, which he gives me as a gift. I am a bit perplexed about the gesture but it doesn’t spark anything in me. If he’d done that a few months ago, I probably would’ve been picking out my wedding dress (well not really, but you get me… Hahaha) but I felt nothing, I didn’t even feel bad for not having something for him in return. Not even a box of regifted chocolates or anything.

We watch tv & eat dinner (pizza) as our usual ritual, we kiss on the couch, then have sex as usual at the end of my bed, with my legs in the air. But early hours of the morning, he gets up & I think nothing of it till I sleepily see him by my bedside, fully dressed & staring at me. He says that he’s been vomiting & he needs to go home. I, of course, agree, I don’t want to get sick. I message him later to see how he is but he says that he’s not any better & he ends up taking the Monday off work.

We text a lot over Christmas, he makes a Toblerone cheesecake & I say that I want one & he should make me one then invite me around. This year I am on the skeleton crew at work so I am working everything except the public holidays, as he’s now a contractor at his work, he has the time off… He tells me that he’s saved me some of the cheesecake but because I am working, he’s going to eat it! Jerk! (I actually wonder if he did save me some or if it was just banter! I’ll probably never know…)

We have banter over the fact that I only ever watch 9Life (a TV station basically of home improvement shows) & my new computer which I needed his help resetting – I have to eventually take the thing back to the store & replace it with my current computer, but he gets fired up about me actually taking the old one back & getting a refund because it’s faulty (It’s not turning on properly or holding charge.)

He asks casually the week before New Years about catching up on New Years Eve (err really?!). But I say that I’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere, I assume that he’ll want to stay where ever he is for midnight then we’ll catch up when I’m home like 1:00 am or 2:00 am. On actual New Years eve, he messages me to say “Hey still want to catch up later on?” at about 8:00 pm, I say I can’t drive (already drunk!) but I am a few minutes away from my house. Just before 10:00 pm he says he’s done & I say I won’t be leaving till after midnight (how would I even explain that to my friends) but he says that he’ll let me party & hopefully see me tomorrow night. Did he really think that I would leave a NYE party before midnight? I don’t see him obviously, but I get a happy new year text from him just after 12:00 am.

On new years day he asks me if I want to write a list of all the things I want to do, I think that’s a bit crass as I want my kinky life to evolve, (I am still relatively new to this but now I know a list is a common occurrence in a kink relationship, to establish boundaries & understand what each of you may or may not want to do) I tell him that my Fetlife has a lot of information on there & he should check that out, which he says that he has, but I should be more open with him.

We seem to bicker about the fact that he thinks I am not open with him, he can’t understand why when we’ve been seeing each other for months but like I say to him, he once he pulled out a rope, butt plug & flogger & all I said was that I am not ready to be tied to something so he put it away & never used anything on me that night, then we ended. Another time, he said he’d tie me up & cane me, I said I wasn’t ready for a cane & he didn’t do anything kinky that night either. So I am not as open as I want to be but can’t help it… I’ve never done a lot of this stuff before. I am in uncharted territory, I don’t know what to expect or what to do & he’s not a great teacher – when I say no to one part of what he suggests, I get nothing at all, so I’m reluctant to say anything. He says that it’s hard for him as he has social interaction issues & that’s why he doesn’t have a lot of friends but he also feels like I am so reserved with him. I tell him that besides Boyfriend over 10 years ago, he’s the longest I’ve ever slept with a guy, he says that because I have dicks pics being sent to me I must have a million guys interested in me. Is that what a dick pic means? Really? I always thought it was because the guy is a fuck wit! Hahaha.

Mechanic #3

I don’t hear from Mechanic for a while, when he randomly starts messaging me again – well he’d been messaging sporadically but not as regular as he had been. So we chat a bit & he wants to see me again, I am not just going to just let him come over to my house & fuck him after all this time, he can meet me for a drink first – be a gentleman. I need to have some self respect here. It’s been over 2 months since we saw each other last, yes I was overseas for 4 weeks of that, but he could’ve seen me since I got back, I mean he could’ve even been consistently messaging me, but he hasn’t.

We meet at a different local pub to the one we initially met at, but still nearby my house, he dicks me around with what time he can get there, which fucks me off since I am giving this guy another chance. I’m there already (which I hate being first) when he rocks up, in his dirty work uniform (because he’s been doing a cash job for a friend that took longer than he expected, apparently) looking grubby, greasy & a little older (somehow) but hot as fuck! Whoa…

We have a couple of drinks at the pub, the conversation flows really easily, like there was no 2 month gap. He tells me how good I look & he wishes that he had time for a shower. I find myself piecing back together my life plan I had in my head with him.

He talks a lot about his new Ford ute that he just got, it’s a hotted up purple thing – I’m a Holden girl so he loses points for getting a Ford but it’s not a deal breaker, if it is as HOT as he says it is. He challenges me to drive it… I silently thank my dad for making my siblings & I all learn to drive manual cars when we got our licenses & I take Mechanic’s keys, kissing him quickly on the lips as I give him mine. I figure it’s ok for him to drive my work car being he works where these cars are serviced, so he’d probably driven it before anyway. I get in his car, put the key in & turn it, but it won’t start, I try turning the key with my foot on the brake, with my foot on & off the clutch. But I can’t work out how to turn it on. FUCK. I don’t want to look like a blonde bimbo who can’t even start a fucking car. He drives up next to me & winds down the window with a fucking cheek y look on his face, just as I find a power button. I press it & the car starts, it’s loud & sounds so good. I hear him laugh as I accelerate out the carpark, showing off, hoping I don’t fuck this up, I am in heels! & I’m trying to impress this guy.

We get back to my house & he is impressed. He says that he didn’t think I’d be able to start it without his left, let alone drive it & was surprised I even knew how to start it (well that was a fluke that I found the button but I’m not a compete idiot). But of course I didn’t tell him that my dad made me learn to drive a manual & all my cars have been manuals, I drive an automatic because that’s what work give me. But I just smile smugly. He asks if he can have a shower because he’s really dirty from working at his mates place, so he’s kinda covered in car grease. I get him a towel & show him to the bathroom. I get us both a red wine & wait for him to shower. He takes a lot longer than I would’ve if I had a shower at his house – but I hope that’s because he’s comfortable or maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.

He gets out & I’m waiting for him in my bedroom, so he walks in & I drop to my knees & suck his cock straight away as he lets the towel drop. We have sex, which is kinda wild sex including my 2nd experience with anal, before I say to him that I want to fuck him in that hot little car of his. I’m not really sure why, I mean we’re at my house in my beautiful king sized bed, we’ve both been drinking, but I think he likes that idea because minutes later we’re back in his car, me bra & pantieless driving down to the beach to fuck in this sexy ass car. We get to the beach, we kiss with such passion, to be honest I am probably more drunk than I should be for this, but we work it out in a tiny ute cab when I slide the condom on him & we fuck for a bit before he takes it off & cums all over my bare chest. I’m covered in cum when we’re done & oddly I kinda like it. I think that’s a first for me, a guy cumming on me, I definitely won’t just let any guy do this, but I do like it with him.

We go back to my house & we fuck again, drinking more, getting more drunk that I spill my red wine in my bed & all over my carpet in my bedroom. (The stain still remains!) Fuck I am more drunk than I realise & I wonder if he should’ve just driven us to the beach & back. I’m not sure how drunk he is. It’s 1:00 am when we stop this sexcapade session & he rolls away & he ends up sleeping over, so I’m assuming he’s either crashed out or he’s too drunk to drive or maybe, just maybe he likes me enough to sleep over.

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We wake up in the morning & I am a little worse for wear, I can’t believe this guy has slept over… It’s a school night too (aka weeknight). I basically begged Origin to sleep over & after months he still wouldn’t. This guy, I didn’t even ask nor did he ask, yet he’s just spent the night at my house, including spooning me a little. I like having a man sleepover – though I don’t sleep all that well when they do. I haven’t had a guy sleep over in a while. I am very aware not to let that poison my mind into thinking that I like the guy just because he sleeps over.

He gets up & has another shower, I am very aware now as I wake, that I slept covered in his cum (something kind of sexy & naughty about that), so I think about joining him in the shower but I chicken out, we’ve woken up late & both have to get to work. I wait for him to leave before I jump in the shower myself. When I get out, I see his sunglasses sitting on my chest of draws in my bedroom. Was that intentional? So that I have to message him? Or so that he’d have to see me again? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy to play this game, I mean if he wants to see me, I think he’s the type to just see me. But I go anywhere without my sunnies, they are always on the top of my head, even at night sometimes… (Yes at night!) It hurts my eyes when I see other people squinting in the sun, so this must be a deliberate act, no one leaves their sunnies behind, surely?!

Guest Blogger: The Impossible Situation

I hate the What If’s as I’ve said before in my What If blog post. I think sometimes we have to take the path that is there for us at the time… Timing is everything!

The Impossible Situation

So… I fell for my best friends ex.

We are now dating exclusively.

I know, I know- massive girl-code violation. Don’t hate me yet though.

He and I started chatting online. At first, he didn’t recognise me (it had been some time since he’s seen me). I knew exactly who he was and so did she. She even encouraged me to chat to him, if anything just to be a tease. He also had posted a photo she felt was inappropriate, and wanted to know what he had to say about it.

He and I continued talking, and – much to my surprise- actually had a lot of common ground. After all the fuckboys who were more interested in my cup size than my brain, this intellectual chatting was a breath of fresh air. He’s an artist, and asked for my to collaborate with him on a body of work. He came to the city to meet me and discuss ideas.

It was here that he first kissed me. If I’m being honest with myself, that was the moment things got heavy for me. That seemingly innocent, insignificant little kiss turned my world on its head- I just couldn’t admit that. I also couldn’t admit that, had we been somewhere more private- I would have jumped him then and there. But at that time, I couldn’t be honest with myself- so I got mad at him.

I knew there were very few ways that this impossible situation could turn out. Most of them were what I perceived to be bad at the time. So I fought against it. I knew I had to tell her. I agonised for a week over what to say. I was an absolute mess.

When I finally saw her and told her- she burst into fits of laughter. She told me that if I wanted to pursue something with him I could and that she had no problem with it. At this stage, I could only see myself being friends with him, and that was enough for me.

Part of me doubted him. From the stories I’d heard about him over the years, I just didn’t think that he was who he was when talking to me. I regarded him with a lot of scepticism and he wore it. He understood why I felt how I did.

He’d also read my blog, and thought more of me for being open and honest about my experiences. There was a confrontation about some online content between my friend and her ex and I got pulled into the middle of it.

At this point, I was so torn, because I could see and understand both points of view and I wanted to help both of them. I chose my friend that day and told him to back off me a little; to respect my boundaries and stay my friend without hoping for more.

He and I continued to talk. Even though things were terse between him and my friend, I just couldn’t stop. Talking to him every day was just habit now. We enjoyed talking to each other and sharing our day.

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My feelings changed completely when I got sick. I ended up in hospital and he rushed to my side, knowing I was scared and in pain. When I got out, he stayed with me for a week and cared for me, making sure I was comfortable and resting and not overdoing it.

He got nothing out of it except my company and he still chose to do it. When he did this, it opened my eyes to the side of him I point blank refused myself to see. I never wanted to think of him in terms of being someone I could be with, because he was my friends ex.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to know just what potential we have.

I did what I felt was right and asked my friend. She gave me the all- clear and I followed my heart and pursued him.

Once we became a couple, things fell apart between my friend and I, as well as our mutual friends.

She wasn’t as OK with it all as if been led to believe, and now I was a traitor and a bad friend. Most of our mutual friends have been really passive aggressive towards me, which is beyond immature, seeing as we are all adults. I chose to ignore it all and try to be the bigger person, even though the venom hurt.

Here’s the kicker- I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, and I don’t regret my decision to date him.

We may not have got together in a conventional way, but the end justifies the means. I could have chosen to stay in my box and never aim for happiness. But I selfishly chose my own happiness and though I still feel guilt from time to time, the whole experience has been worth it.

He and I may last a lifetime; we may not even last a year- but I’ll never have to wonder “what if?”.

She-Wolf xx

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/155174584/posts/54

Milky #6

I know! I know, I know what you’re all thinking! I’m thinking it too. Trust me! Why am I even talking to Milky again? What does he want this time? Again the guy who I haven’t spoken to in 5 months is back, for what? He couldn’t get a root elsewhere, so is now back for more? Who knows I don’t bother asking, I just engage with him, while keeping my guard up.

We see each other once before I go away to the UK, but I have just met Mechanic & am keeping my options open, when I see Milky for the first time in 5 months since I said goodbye, I am SO not attracted to him at all – I am not sure what I was thinking. Especially since I think that the Mechanic is so much better looking. Milky is a little scrawny, only a tiny bit taller than me, hairy & kinda shy. He comes over to my house, we go through the same routine of watching TV, drinking wine, having the same sex as we always have – him standing at the end of the bed, me lying on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… It’s boring. Sometimes he mixes it up, but not all that often.

He sleeps over & it’s kind of annoying actually this time around because he doesn’t sleep with the fan on & I do – Every. Single. Night. I don’t think I told you this but once in the very beginning, he actually went to sleep on the couch because he got too cold sleeping in my room. So I never used to turn the fan on when he slept over & he’d only turn his on if it was hot, because I thought I liked him, it didn’t bother me so much, even though I’d sleep like shit. Now when he stays over I don’t turn it on, making me grumpy! So I start to hate him sleeping over, I mean I never sleep very well with a guy next to me anyway because I’m not used it but I sleep with the fan on for the white noise. I know it makes no sense in August to have the fan on while sleeping under blankets, but I don’t care.

Milky #6

In the morning, we have the usual sex, then I kick him out to go to the gym by 9:00 am on Saturday morning, I am determined to get fit this year! I am not going to let him distract me with sexcersie!! & after last night just hanging watching TV, I’m kind of bored with him… It’s like it took me getting some distance from the first guy who really was the first friends with benefits (FWB) I have had, that I thought I liked when actually, I was just caught up in the fact that he was a repeat caller, not that I actually liked him. OMG does that even make sense? Hahaha.

Anyway, I go away for the whole month of September to the UK & see him shortly after I get back being that he is the only one that I seem to be able to see, Mechanic has been stuffing me around so I just catch up with Milky at his house. Again, it’s the same. We hang, watch TV & fuck the same way we always do. Why is this guy boring me, I mean only a few months ago I thought I was having the best sex of my life, now I am bored with him? Is it me or is it him? Or is it that the sex with Mechanic is way better, or even other guys recently, am I better in bed because of Milky round 1?

We message every now & then, we have a joke about my pillows & the bambillo range you can buy on infomercials, my pillows on my bed are expensive as fuck, they’re Sheridan memory foam, I love them. But Milky hates them & brings his own pillow to my house to sleep. I am so funny & crack jokes, mainly because he thinks I’m so rich – which is weird being that his house is probably worth more than mine. But I crack jokes about owning the bambillo empire & he plays along, it’s probably the only time he has a sense of humour I like. I’m probably making him sound worse than he is. But I am feeling like I am beyond what he can offer me now. We talk about this website called Fetlife, I didn’t know what it was but basically it’s a kinky facebook. I join & see what it’s all about. Milky is on there too & we become friends. He doesn’t have regular facebook, so I think this is a fun site to possibly make some new friends or share pics, learn a bit more & show a different side of me. The profile consists of recording all the fetishes I have, things I want to try & I start writing some erotica. (I actually have written quite a bit of fiction in the past, mostly like teen romance stuff, however this erotica I shared on Fetlife is the first time I had ever shared my writing with anyone – I get quite a bit of positive feedback. I am considering posting them here…)

I don’t see him for another month, I am drunk as fuck at my house messaging him while I have friends over, this is a blatant booty call. I have friends over for a home cheesefest since they cancelled it (my favourite event of the year) this year, I was devastated so I had my own at home with a few friends. He says that he’s coming over & I think he’s going to meet my friends but by the time he gets there they’ve all left. He was jumping in the shower at 8:00 pm, but doesn’t get to my house until 10:00 pm. I give him some wine & I drink more, but upon reflection of photos of me that night put up on Facebook later, I did not need more wine! Finally we have different sex, We have sex in the kitchen, in my accent chairs in my lounge room, the floor & on the ottoman… It’s good to not just have sex on the edge of the bed again. We somehow break the chair legs of the accent chairs, probably because I am so drunk I am fucking him like a crazy drunk chick, straddling the chairs.

I don’t hear from him for a couple of days until he messages me to tell me that I left claw marks on his neck… (oh well, not my fault, he likes it kinky!) I was covered in bruises, which isn’t hard really, I bruise so easily. I don’t remember much from the night, so he reminds me that he suggested fucking on the bonnet of my friends car (a work car) in my front yard, apparently I agreed to that. (WTF – my front yard isn’t private!) I also apparently fell asleep holding his dick in my hand… Oh well done! Fuck. He also reminds me that my jaw locked while I was sucking his cock in the kitchen… OMG I forgot about that… Now let me explain this, I do have jaw issues where it locks when I yawn or open too wide for food (yes food), I have exercises to help & ease the pain, but this is the first time it’s locked during sex. How fucking embarrassing. He was so good about it though, making sure I was ok. I also apparently asked him to tie me to something, which he knows I am not ready for yet, so he knew to back off, I’m glad he isn’t a wanker that just took advantage of me being too drunk to function.

Rob Rob

I meet Rob Rob on the anonymous app (seems to be working out for me more than bloody online dating!) & the first thing he asks me is if I am kinky, I say that I am but that I am also still new to it & he asks to add me on the chat app. I agree & he immediately chats to me & says that he has a kinky group that he can add me too, but there are rules. Rules, really? I’m semi new to this app too & I don’t know what this shit is. He sends them to me, about not private messaging (PM) someone without permission & that I must send a live face pic to him to prove that I am real. I think this is bullshit & I am not going to send it. But he keeps talking to me & I do eventually send him a face picture. (I learn later that the rules of no PM thing & live face pics is very common on this app)

He says that I am “too hot” to be added to the group (Errr, what?) & he wants to keep me for himself, he says that he doesn’t want other people talking to me. I don’t think much of it, in fact I feel pretty special that he’s chosen me – his picture is pretty cute. But as we talk, the main question I ask men now is if they are single, because I hate that they don’t tell you. He says that he is married (OH FFS!) but that they never have sex (So that makes it ok to look elsewhere?), that she’s not kinky at all, so when they do have sex it’s very vanilla & boring for him because he’s very dominant but he loves her & won’t leave her. I figure that this won’t go anywhere & so I make no effort to talk to this guy, I do ask him to add me to the kinky group when we do chat, about 1000 times but he won’t, he says that he’ll get too jealous if other guys hit on me & he can’t have me. What a crock of shit! 052816 (11) He messages me ‘Hi’ everyday & I find myself actually liking waking up to his message every morning, like some sort of loser. This guy is married, what is the point? He’s a school teacher (if that’s even a true fact about him) & I chat to him most of the day, obviously when he’s available or not with his wife. We eventually swap skype accounts, where he helps me create my fake name, I become Kristy Cumsalot, my alter ego (mainly because we don’t swap real names) & it’s not long before the chats turn into skype calls.

The calls… Oh the calls, almost every morning he asks to call & I stupidly let him. He knows how to get me going, his voice, there is something about his voice, like velvety butter or something, so sexy & he knows how to turn me on… He makes me call him Sir, which I hate, maybe because he’s the first man to ask me to do that, maybe because it goes against my feminist side to let a man tell me what to do, but for some reason, I find myself obeying him… Every time I say Sir without being prompted, not only do I shock myself, but he lets out a little hmm sounds followed closely by Good Girl.

What’s so bad about this is that he’s the only guy showing any real interest in me at the moment, I mean I have just fucked a potential felon (See Unemployed) & I am at an all-time low with how I feel about myself & this is the type of guy I attract – a guy that can’t hurt me. How desperate am I for a bit of affection & love that I am so willing to chat to a married guy & have phone sex with him every few days? What kills me is that I am always available, I am always waiting for him to message me, always allowing him to call. When will there be a guy waiting by his phone for my message? FFS!

Around this time too, I’ve been watching a lot of porn, like I’ve said before I go through stages with porn, but I usually find a couple that I like & watch them over & over, I am more specific about what type of porn I watch. I also become obsessed with different sex toys, buying just about everything, thinking maybe when/if I ever meet this guy we can use them. He tells me of a fantasy of meeting me on a hotel room, he’ll be there already & I’ll rock up in a tench coat, he’ll then be dominant & give me a true submissive experience. I buy some lingerie, some corsets, high heels, masks, toys… I buy so much stuff in the hopes that he & I will live out this hotel fantasy.

I also literally crack the shits with him at least once a week – so much so, that I wonder why he keeps messaging me, he’ll ask me if he can call whenever he is free & I’d run late to whatever I am going to because he wanted to jerk off while listening to me cum down the phone line. It pisses me off… When I want to chat to him, he’s offline, it’s always on his terms. He says that he’ll try to make more time for me, which of course we know is not true, nor will he. Its just a little carrot that he dangles & I chase like a stupid white rabbit. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

We chat for months, this routine of us chatting every day because he says ‘hi’ before I wake up every single day – I never initiate a chat with him ever, then him calling every few days or so to hear me cum while he shows me him rubbing his cock in his work car park. He says he wants to meet me, but every time we try to, one of us chickens out. I was sitting in the car chatting to him on the phone one day, when I finally say “Fine, give me your address” then he says that his wife will be home soon & he’s got to go to Tennis. What a fucking idiot I am. I finally get the courage to meet this married guy & go against all that I believe in & he chickens out.

I talk to him the whole time I am in the UK. In fact I end up sexting him when I am alone, which isn’t often but usually when my Aunty is in the shower or I find a bath in the hotels. When I have to return the hire car, I leave my Aunty in the hotel & leave with the intent to have phone sex with this guy, but he dicks me around & isn’t online, so I crack the shits. I also get lost getting to the fucking airport which just makes me angrier. It’s always on his bloody terms, always when he’s free… Here I am in the fucking UK still trying to get this man in Adelaide. Seriously!

But this guy somehow draws me in, I try to say goodbye several times but I never can, I don’t know why. Is it because I am such a fucking loser just wanting a guy to want me? Is it because I know this guy won’t hurt me because I can’t get attached? Is it just that this guy keeps messaging me, even when I’m a complete fucking bitch to him? This is a fucking real low point in my dating career, I am not even sure what I am doing. I mean why am I still talking to this guy on a very regular basis…

Mechanic #2

Mechanic & I talk all week, it’s a great week for me. I am smitten with this guy. I know what you’re all thinking, wasn’t I just saying “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” over & over last week? Yep, I was! But somehow I get caught up in the fact that this hot guy likes me – not as hot as his pictures but he was still very nice eye candy! He sends me dumb work pictures of car motors & the computer on his lap while he’s working, or his lunch & I find myself doing the same. He sends a pic of his banana & I send a pic of me suggestively eating my banana – so cute we both had a banana that day for lunch! It’s like it’s meant to be! OMG, get a grip! Its fun & I seriously enjoy this time of a interaction with a boy, when you can be cheeky & secretly planning your wedding in your head but also knowing that in a week, he probably won’t even know your name!

I explain to him that I am going away for a month, 4 weeks to the UK (where he’s from) but that I do want to see him before I go away. He says that he wants to too! Eek, that’s so good! We can’t seem to get a date that works well for both of us & the day we’re supposed to catch up, the night before I leave for the UK, my sister goes into labour & has my baby niece. FUCK, I want to see my new baby niece of course, because she’ll be a month old when I get back from the UK, but also my vagina won’t get any action for a whole month while away with my aunty too! What a dilemma!

It’s later in the afternoon, even early evening, when we are allowed to go to the hospital to visit, so I suggest to Mechanic to come over my house later this evening when I get home, he says that works for him, (thank god) but says that we can do it another time if it’s going to be too rushed. I don’t want to wait that long to see him, being that tomorrow I am flying out for 4 weeks away, I don’t want him to forget me.

So when everyone starts leaving the hospital about 8:30 pm, I mentally thank everyone for giving my sister some time to rest – purely selfish reasons, of course. I message him as I’m walking out the hospital doors, speed home & he meets me at my house shortly after I get there. I open some wine & he bring some beers, we just kiss on the cheek hello & stand in the kitchen talking. I ask if he wants some music on which he decides that he’s going to be the DJ. Usually this is my forte, I hate others picking the music – music is my thing. We move to the couch & he goes through my Spotify, making me guess the names of the singer or name of the song – he should know not to play this game with me, I know too much about music, weirdly! I guess them all right, which impresses him. I am secretly smug!

The music he chooses is seriously the most hilarious music – old school 90’s, lots of it is dance music, very much old school tunes, like Dj BoBo – Love is all around

& Dj Scooter – the logical song

I’ve attached the YouTube songs for you that want to reminisce! Absolute fucking gold tracks! Hahaha. He literally played almost every song from Dj BoBo going on & on about him & imitating the way he talks… I’m in fits of laughter the whole night! It’s probably the best date I’ve ever had with a guy.

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We sit there playing music for ages, it’s hilarious, I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to this guy, how much we have in common, how easy it is to have him here at my house, helping himself to his beers in the fridge & more wine, rather than waiting till I offer or asking for another. OMG. I am starting to like this guy too much… Why do I do that? Why does my brain automatically imagine a life with a guy I’ve been on 2 dates with?

He tells me that while I’m in the UK that I need to try all these different snack foods that he loves & a certain brand of peanuts. I tell him that I will definitely try them & I memorise what he said so that I can message him while I’m away! (OMG you loser!)

It’s been a great night just chilling out, without the TV on at all, like Milky & I always did. He leans into kiss me & we have great sex, again we have to get into certain positions for it to be comfortable for me, but we get there with a bit of communication. (communication is key to a good relationship, sexually or otherwise!)

I feel like I say this too much, but I really like this guy! (In all honesty, I’ve only really liked – or seen myself with 3 guys since breaking up with Boyfriend over a decade ago) I like that he isn’t quick to jump up & run home, he’s not scared to stick around, even though I know I am getting attached to this guy, luckily tomorrow I fly out for the UK.

We actually talk a lot while I’m away! I send him pictures of me eating the snack foods that he recommended & I find myself packing a small packet of the nuts into my suitcase for him, when I show him me eating them & he says bring me back some! (What the actual fuck! You’re a creep!) We talk when I get back from my holiday too & I tell him that I brought him back some nuts, he’s says that I’m a legend. But we never catch up. I try to arrange something for before I go back to work, but can’t seem to lock it down. I get a bit pissed off & you know me, I stop initiating texts because I think he can contact me if he is interested.

Obviously he’s not.

Guest Blogger: When The Wheels Come Off

This is a blog I follow as well, (I think this is my first guest blogger from overseas!), it’s written by a male which always intrigues me. With his permission, he’s allowed me to share this with you guys too!

I loved this because I have done the same when someone texts me & gives me no context about who they are…

When The Wheels Come Off

When the wheels start to come off, take your foot off the gas pedal. It’s a great piece of advice, come to think of it, and so I took my foot off the gas pedal. I switched it to the brake, but found it depressed right down to the floor with no corresponding decrease in speed. I was careening, heading towards a crash.

Within a couple of months of joining Plenty of Fish, I had managed to complicate what should have been a fairly simple endeavor: find an attractive woman who found me attractive in turn. And by attractive, I don’t just mean physically, but in the myriad of ways we humans entwine our romantic selves with our mates, whether you think it’s chemical, electrical or our very souls.

I had gone out on several dates with women I had considered pretty from what I saw in their pictures. I dated one I wasn’t at all attracted to physically, but who just seemed so happy and robust I wanted to see if I could set aside the physical and be subsumed by her sheer joyfulness (I could not).

Online dating can become a sort of addiction. I’ve read quite a bit about this; I’m not alone in falling into this trap. I was messaging multiple women, literally texting down a list, trying to keep the names straight. I’d sometimes have to ask for a picture to be sent because I could no longer remember which Kathy from POF I was messaging. God forbid, I gave a woman my number and she’d text some time later without telling me who it was. I’d have to try and draw out personal information surreptitiously and go back to the dating site and try to cross-reference. Sometimes, I’d get it wrong and be called out on it: “Um, you’re confusing me with one of your other women.”

It was exciting at first. I found affirmation there. Maybe I’m better looking than I thought, more interesting, funnier. Let me introduce myself, I thought, get to know each other. With time and better acquaintance, I figured most would see through me. What I found was the addiction became all-consuming. It took all my time, all my thought. And really, it didn’t make me feel better. But when you’re speeding down a hill in a car and the wheels start to fall off, there’s only one thing to do. Crash.

Here is the link to his blog: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/85889956/posts/2166803652

So as you can see dating is no different overseas, dating is no different for men. I just wonder when there will be a man that only wants to date me & no one else?!

Unemployed #2

I am not sure why I keep chatting to Unemployed to be honest. He is a stereotypical ghetto type boy needing someone to help him. I mean he’s struggling to get a job, that I even help him with his resume because he sounds like an uneducated man who has no idea how to apply for a job. I also enlist my best friend to help him as well, but I think she sounds too smart & I tone down her version a lot.

I feel sorry for him for some reason & take him on like a little project! I really do believe his story that the young girl lured him in. I’ve seen it before, I mean he is totally in the wrong for even thinking it was ok with a 15 year old, I get that, I’m not justifying it at all, however I just think he needs a friend.

Have you seen the movie Dead Man Walking? Great movie, a real tear jerker but definitely worth the watch, such an amazing film – I suggest you watch it. (Not that it makes a difference to this blog, but everyone should watch it!) Right now, I feel like I am Susan Sarandon, helping a convict, not by judging or by offering advice but just being there for him. (However, I’m clearly not a nun!)

unemployed #2

We go out for lunch one day in the city, I meet him while on holidays, we order food & drinks & I end up paying for the whole thing (OMG I am such a fucking loser!) & I don’t even enjoy myself to be honest, it’s forced & I feel weird, like a counselor or something – even though I just said that’s what I felt like he needed, but I feel like I am going through stuff too & probably not in the right mind set to be counselling someone. I vauge out, listening to him talk about what he wants to do with his life, he has about 20 different ideas on the go at once.

Around this time, I get into kayaking with a friend & purchase 2 of my own. I am keen to introduce others to the activity & I do with a bunch of different friends over the following months. He says he wants to go with me, so I say he can come with me one day, so one weekend he drives the hour & a half to my house to go kayaking. He’s not that good at it but he tries, which is good. We have a nice day on the river, it’s a great activity because I don’t have to entertain him or feel awkward about the fact I have had sex with this dude who may be going to jail!

It’s a fun day; I actually have a good time with him, showing him my new passion, I’ve never been good at sports but I like that I am able to show him what this is like & how fun it is. I really feel like he’s had a sheltered life. He says he has a really good time & wants to do it again. We hug goodbye, that’s about all I can handle & I get the vibe that he doesn’t want to do anything more with me anyway but is happy to have a friend.

A few weeks, maybe months go by, I chat to him a bit online or via text, but we don’t talk about catching up again. When he messages me to tell me that his court hearing/sentence date is coming up and he wants to go out for a special dinner. I say that’s a good idea, not thinking that he meant a special dinner with me, assuming his last day of potential freedom would be spent with his family & cat!

He invites me dinner at Windy Point Restaurant (Fancy! – for those not in Adelaide, it’s a beautiful expensive restaurant that has magnificent views over Adelaide) & not really a place you go with a random guy, more like the place you go to when you are celebrating an anniversary or when you are going to propose to your partner. It’s quite hilarious that he’s taking me there, well not taking me, he’s made it quite clear he has no money & I am paying for myself. But he wanted to spend the last night with me.

When the bill arrives he works out exactly what he has spent & not a cent more, I don’t have enough cash so I have to transfer some money to him via internet banking, I think it was about $20. He actually sends me his bank details too, so I transfer the money to him.

I never hear from him again, so I can only assume that he got jail time for his relationship with the 14 year old, but I guess I will never know. Maybe he will pop back up one day? I don’t know. I will wait & see… I hope by then I have learnt to ignore!

Mechanic

My luck may have changed; this very cute guy, good looking, like hot AF good looking, probably a dream guy in the looks department for me, he is just my type! Tick. Like more hot than normal, I’m totally punching above my weight here. I can’t stress enough how cute he is in his pictures! I’m so surprised when he actually chats to me?! Tick! OMG, he’s also bloody funny. Tick! & He’s my age, not a ridiculously young dude, not an old fart, he’s only 2 years older! OMG. Wow, this one is too good to be true! I’m sure of it. So I say my new mantra over & over “I must not get attached, I must not get attached” firstly this guy probably isn’t going to be keen on me & secondly it’s only been a few months since the Origin debacle.

I can’t even remember what site we met on, but it had a terrible name like ‘DomDates.com’ or something equally stupid, I got a lot of attention on there, maybe because I was the only normal looking one or because I wasn’t a scammer from overseas, or because I was the only chick who knew about this site. I was surprised that he was so interested in me, surely there were other people online that would be better than me. (Serious self-esteem issues, I know, I am working on it!) When he tells me that he’s British, I almost cream my pants, seriously I don’t think he can get any better (Remembering my imaginary checklist).

“I must not get attached, I must not get attached”

We stop talking on the stupid website that we met on & switch to the chat app. I delete my account on that site. Like it’s so dodgy! Mechanic suggests that we meet, which makes my tummy twist in knots, but I say yes, of course I want to meet this guy! We choose a less dodgy pub near me, but let’s face it, it’s the south, so it’s still dodgy. We decide on a game of pool & a drink. I remember thinking wow when I first saw him, this guy is bloody hot (a bit older than his photos, he kind of has a bit of salt & pepper in his hair, few more wrinkles, probably not as buff as the pictures but still very attractive), he’s very funny & can actually hold a conversation, plus he’s British! (Must not forget that!) He has a slight accent, it’s so sexy! I’m so surprised that he keeps offering to buy more drinks & to play more games of pool. He pays for most of it too, maybe, just maybe this guy could be genuine! Maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am?! He hasn’t run for the door yet!

We play pool, I am not too bad at the game but when I am losing, I try to distract him by bending over & pulling down my top a little bit to show my cleavage, then giggle. It works. We enjoy some friendly, cheeky banter. It’s really a fun night & I remember a friend once telling me that I need to show my fun side, well here I am showing my fun side! I’m relaxed & having a good time without overthinking anything I am saying or doing. He is so naturally funny, saying one liners that I love, a little like Origin did but this is the first date I’ve been on that I haven’t sat there thinking about someone else.

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As the bar closes, yes the bar closes, he walks me to my car, we stand outside, making small talk, before he leans in & kisses me… We are so good at everything that I wonder if we’ll be good at kissing… YEP! We are!! He’s so super fucking hot (Calm down!) Then I can’t help it, the words are out of my mouth before I even realise what I am saying, I ask him if he wants to come back to my house. Of course, he says yes.

We go back to my house & I offer him a drink before he’s kissing me again, I take him into my room, we’re both naked quickly & I kneel on the floor & suck his cock. For the first time in a long time, maybe even the first time… I swallow a guy’s cum, which I would NEVER do for a random, I figure if they want the best of me, then they need to earn the best of me. I’m not sure what made me do it with him to be honest. Maybe this chemistry I’m feeling, maybe it’s the fact I find him so attractive, I’m not sure or maybe it’s just the little bit of liquid courage…

We have sex & it’s really really good sex, though his cock is quite big & hurts me in some positions (I’m personally not a fan of a huge cock, they seem to hurt me – must be something to do with the way my insides are, it’s all about the width & shape for me. I know others don’t agree but that’s just me. Also in my experience guys with giant cocks usually aren’t that good in bed as they think a big cock is all it takes… Guys with smaller cocks seem to work a bit harder & are far better.) But it’s still good with Mechanic once we work it out & shift into a comfortable position. He hangs around for a little while but then he gets up to leave, we kiss goodbye & I hope that I see him again, but I’m not holding out any hope.

He messages me the next day… EEK! That puts a huge fucking smile on my dial that I can’t wipe off! We continue to chat, the banter is cheeky, but not gross. I find out that he actually works as a mechanic (I’m sure you did not see that coming! Hahaha) at the dealer where our work cars are from & serviced, yeah that’s bloody Adelaide for you! I don’t ever have to go to the dealer because they pick up our cars from work when they get serviced, but all of a sudden I wish like hell there was a reason to drop my car off!

Flaccid #2

So what is it about me, that I am good enough to sleep with once, forget about & then when they see me online again when I stupidly reactive my accounts that they decide that they want to see me again. Or is it that they just have had no other options & I’m stupid enough to let them back into my life?!

Well this guy Flaccid who couldn’t even keep hard when we had sex a but he did almost make me cum – I mean almost isn’t as good as making me cum, I am not sure why being close to making me cum is a good thing (I guess I’m trying to be positive), but I guess it was the way he was going to make me cum… Read the previous blog about him…

When I give him my number again I think what the hell am I doing? He calls me one night & we almost end up having phone sex, but I’ve never done that before so it feels a little weird for me, especially with a random dude but I’m not sure I am very good at vocalising what I think they should do or what I would do. I mean I’m not mute when I have sex with someone, I can do it when they are touching me in real life a little & I sort of do it over text but I don’t know if I can do it with a random over the phone.

He texts me a few times over the course of few weeks, but I end up ignoring him after a while, I assume that it’s just going to be sex & I am over just being a sex toy for men. I want something more; I want to be taken out on dates & shown a good time. I want to be spoiled, I want someone to look at me & think they never want to see anyone else, that I am it!

If I keep this casual thing going then a I ever going to find that one person who wants me? Is there actually someone out there for me? I stop talking to him for months.

flaccid #2

So with this in mind, I’m not sure why I talk to this guy again when he pops back up months later… How & why he keeps coming back into my life but he does & I seem to be only too keen to let him. WTF is wrong with me? Clearly there is something wrong with them as they are still single, but then I mean I am still single too, but that’s also because these are the types of guys I am left with!

He tells me that he wants to catch up with me as soon as he can, he’s leaving to go to the UK for a year for work. Right, so what is the point of this? Why am I even considering this? We message & message but he always has an excuse as he’s sold his car already & can’t get to my house, he’s living with family so I can’t go to see him. Blah blah blah.

It’s been almost a whole year since we fucked the first time, when I allow him to come over. This time we’ve talked about what he should do if he goes soft & I remind him how good he was when he actually almost made me cum – just to boost his ego. When he comes over, we will just fuck, there is no small talk or anything because well lets face it, I’m never going to see him again after tonight, he leaves in a few days to go overseas & I’ll probably never talk to him again after tonight either.

So he comes over & the sex is actually really good, it goes for a while, he goes down on me & he makes me cum, which surprises me, I mean I figured that he would get me close, but I can tell you that I was convinced he’d get me over the edge! I’m glad he did. He hangs around for a little while, just lying there naked, chatting. It’s actually kind of nice. He’s a pretty nice guy.

When he gets to the UK, he starts messaging me on what’s app for his UK number, we message, I think mainly for him to get validation from me that I had a good time this time. I put his mind at ease. He starts his convo with a dick pic asking me what I think, I mean I hate when they ask, what are you supposed to say? I say it looks big & try to move on.

We talk a lot about porn, I have been watching a lot lately, not sure why, I seem to go through phases of watching lots or not watching it at all. But in this phase, I am watching it daily – I have very specific tastes on what I watch, I won’t just watch anything & I hate home made porn… It’s about this time that I am heading to the UK with my Aunty. I keep in contact with him because I think that we might be able to catch up, if we’re in the same city. Not sure how I’ll get away from my aunt, but I’ll work something out since I probably won’t have sex for a month while away.

I also suggest to him that he buys himself a fleshlight (A male sex toy, basically a hole in a tube that they can masturbate with) because he seems to jerk off a lot, which is odd being that his nickname from me is Flaccid but oh well. He buys one & I regret suggesting it because he sends me videos all the time of him using it. Why do men do that? I don’t give a fuck if you cum. I cum every day by myself & don’t video for any one… Actually I’m certain guys would love it if I did.

We never meet up while I’m in the UK. We message the whole time though but it never happens. We talk even more when I get home from the trip, but he still has another year or so away. We talk about when he’s coming home, but I will be in Hawaii when he gets home. I’m also talking to multiple other guys (stories to come) that I don’t want to meet him so I ignore his final messages to me on his UK number.

He has messaged me about 2 years later, he found my phone number (I’d been though a lot – stories to come) & so we messaged a bit but he again didn’t have a car & then was drunk & wouldn’t catch a taxi/uber, so I’ve ignored everything since then. He messages again & I finally ask “why are you messaging me?” he replies that he just wanted to say hi, I ask “just hi?” but he never responds… All I wanted to know was what he wanted… Did he want to just fuck or does he want more. Maybe I didn’t word it right but seriously I don’t even care that he never responds, I’m sick of games.

Guest Blogger: Relationship Accountability

Here is some different advice from another blogger I follow. Different points of view & different opinions are what can make dating hard, everyone has an opinion – me included & sometimes things often work out differently because people don’t always do what we hope they would. This advice also hit home for me…

Relationship Accountability

Ghosting, icing, simmering and other names for bastardry

Past generations did not have so many names for shitful behaviour. Maybe ghosting existed, but without smartphones and the expectations around keeping in touch 24/7, it was more of a slow fade.

These days we have a veritable tsunami of names of how to behave badly when it comes to our interpersonal, ‘romantic’ relationships. This is my shorthand way of saying relationships that involve ‘more than friendship’, although friends can choose the slow fade as well, but it’s not as pervasive.

In my Glossary, I have a useful collection of terms in case you want to brush up on your online dating lingo. Of course, these behaviours are not limited to dating that originated from an online dating source (eg most modern dating), but they are extremely common behaviours where there aren’t other connections like mutual friendships, community, work or family to help keep people accountable.

This post was inspired by one from Confessions of a Reformed Cad, which reminded me that modern dating behaviours need to come with a users’ manual and a regular, no-kid-gloves reminder of what they mean. Stories that people tell about their dating experiences are littered with these unethical and abusive behaviours.

Some of the names for these modern-day behaviours, in addition to the ones I’ve already mentioned, are benching, bread-crumbing, catch and release, monkeying, layby, and zombie-ing.

At their heart, each of these behaviours is a form of emotional cowardice. Some might call it a dislike of hurting someone else or being the bearer of bad news, but the other – less palatable side – is a lack of empathy or consideration for someone else’s feelings or lived experience. Some people just don’t care about the effects of their behaviour. They can justify it as ‘being too busy’, ‘not really being into them’, or it being ‘all too hard’.

As Esther Perel says, “In this relationship culture, expectations and trust are in constant question. The state of stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels lingering uncertainty, and neither person feels truly appreciated or nurtured. We do this at the expense of our emotional health, and the emotional health of others.”

If you consider the row in the table that gives examples of typical text messages according to relationship accountability I’m certain that you’ll have experienced all of these if you’re seriously giving online dating a go. Just reading those examples brings back uncomfortable memories of when this has been done to me, not because I was necessarily emotionally invested in the person, but because it’s game playing and dishonest. It leaves you ‘not really knowing’ where you stand; it sucks your confidence and if, like me, you’re a generous person who believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt, it leaves you feeling tricked or abused.

More than once I’ve walked away from ‘textationships’ that repeat patterns of building and then dashing hopes –plans for meeting, plans for sex, plans for dating plans that involve actual commitment to a time and place. Making a decision and sticking to it seems to be a rare combination sometimes!

Cad says, “I’ve come to realize nearly everything that goes wrong in a relationship can be addressed simply with vulnerability and a change in the angle of approach. I firmly believe now, that if I had better skills when I was younger, I would still have a loving marriage with my ex-wife.”

Wise words indeed from someone who is not afraid to ‘do the work’ and take a good, hard look at their own behaviour and culpability – something so many of us are afraid to do.

Esther Perel believes that ghosting and behaviours of the same ilk are “manifestations of the decline of empathy in our society — the promoting of one’s selfishness, without regard for the consequences of others. There is a person on the other end of our text messages (or lack thereof), and the ability to communicate virtually doesn’t give us the right to treat others poorly.”

Wherever you may sit on the spectrum of relationship accountability, acting passively (or passive-aggressively) and hoping someone will ‘get the hint’ is not a responsible or ethical choice. It’s not easy sometimes, and I know I haven’t always been perfect in the past, but it’s the right thing to do. By recognising others as worthy of the same honesty and compassion that we ourselves seek, we are acting true to our own moral frameworks as well as ‘creating positive vibes’ in the world around us. If you want to read any of my past stories about ghosting, these are a good place to start.

Whatever your relationship status...

Expectations in online dating and the risks of addiction

Another online dating adventure – Ian the octopus

Digital landmines – people don’t treat people like humans anymore

What should I do when the guy I like ghosts on me?

Solstice or festive greetings to you all!

Here is the link to her blog: https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/135700479/posts/1344

With all this great advice over the last couple of guest blogs, do you think I will make better decisions?!

Dildo

Meeting a guy on the anonymous chat app seems to be the best way to meet men while I am not really looking for a relationship at the moment. I struggle with actual dating apps. So when I travel for work, I think I will try to see if I can find a casual thing in the hotel room while I was away – kinda like a little sneaky fantasy. I hadn’t ever met someone on a work trip before because I had calmed down a little bit with the casual sex thing.

Dildo sent me his pic & we chatted a while before my trip. I thought why not be a little big naughty while away for work. It seemed like it might be fun. He talked a little dirty with me, kinda in a creepy way that’s not fun, including talking about sex toys with me but I persevere with the convo, maybe because I am so keen on this little fantasy, I don’t know why!

He decides that when we meet, he’s going to buy me a vibrator or dildo and use it on me. Rightio. Not the first time a guy has used a vibe on me but certainly the first time a guy has offered to buy me a toy to use on me. He also informs me he has a magic tongue. (Bahahaha – yeah sure you do, dude.)While I don’t believe this magic bullshit, I am a little intrigued to meet this guy.

After work I buy a bottle of wine to curb the anxiety of inviting a random guy to my hotel room when I am miles from home. He’s told me that he’s been to the one & only sex shop in town to buy me a dildo. I have half the bottle of shiraz before he gets there. Maybe that was a major mistake.

He doesn’t look like his pic at all, he is dirty including his fingernails, he’s young & not at all like his pictures. He’s in work clothes that are also dirty (like as if he didn’t change before he came to meet me.) I wonder how I’ve got this so wrong & I immediately start to wonder how I am going to get out of this. I start to feel really bad for this guy. Once he takes his filthy beanie off, his hair looks like a cancer patient would… I wonder how he’ll ever get anyone to have sex with him (fuck I’m a bitch). He shows me the box that the dildo came in, but he never uses it on me but we talk about its features & what settings it has, as it was some sort of electronic dildo. This is so awkward, that I give him some pity sex where he uses a condom that has tingling gel on it… That’s a first for me & it feels weird. I do not enjoy that.

dildo

When he uses his “Magic Tongue” I feel no magic whatsoever & I get him to finish because this is not doing anything for me, I am so done here… He stands up afterwards looking at his phone saying his mum has been calling & he has to go. I don’t even hide that I am happy about that.

A few days later he’s messaging me when I’m back home. I decide to unbox the dido & have a look at it, as I untangle the cord, it comes straight out the base & the thing is deemed unless, broken – or maybe it’s just a regular dildo now (hahaha). I tell the guy since he’s messaging & he tells me that he goes back into the sex shop to tell them it broke & they gave him 50% off another dildo or vibrator. I can assure you, he’s never going to use it with me! I throw the broken toy in the bin & stop replying to his messages.

Unemployed

I met Unemployed on an app not for dating, it’s an anonymous app where you post bullshit “secrets”, it’s really designed for teenagers but old farts like me get on there too, like sad old losers… but he & I started chatting a lot. It was quite easy to chat to him, but I was cautious because he was so much younger than me. But he seemed to be going through a rough time, his fiancé had just left him, she left during the night so when he woke up, she was gone & the ring was on his pillow (bit dramatic!). He was also back living with his grandma because he couldn’t live with his parents & I think at some point he’d been living with her family too. He’d also lost his job in the process of all this & was struggling to get a new one. But every day that I talked to him, he had a new idea about what he was going to do with his future or what courses he was going to take. He was just that type of guy, who couldn’t work out what he wanted to do or was just after a quick buck.

Just after I met him online, we hadn’t obviously met in real life yet, I was travelling for work to Mt Gambier about 5 hours from home, he says that he’ll come down to the South East to meet me. Now this is weird, firstly, because I actually live on the other side of the city to him, about an hour & a half away which has been an issue for him regarding petrol, so I don’t know why he thought a 5 hour drive was better. I knew I had someone lined up while down there (see next post) & I also didn’t know what this guy would be like, knowing my luck, he’d be a douche & then I’d be stuck with him in my hotel room while I work for a week & I’m too nice to say that he needs to leave. I somehow get out of meeting him in Mt Gambier.

Because he lives with his Grandma, the only option to meet is at my house. (Well I guess we could go out but he’s got no money.) I am on my way home from a different work day trip, a few hours away from home, he starts to freak out that I’m going to give him the wrong address as he’s had that happen to him before (OMG women are mean!) I reassure him by sending him a picture of my house. When he arrives at my house, I have a work crisis going on & I need to send an email urgently, I feel a bit bad but work is a priority for me, so I get him a drink & write my email while he waits patiently.

He is younger than me by about 8 years or so, I think he is about 26, his pics weren’t really that great so he does look better than his pics (Yes, I am aware I say that about most guys!) however he still isn’t my usual type. Not that I think I have a type but he wasn’t really that attractive to me.

We watch Netflix & talk a bit. I’m bloody tired from a long drive (people don’t realise how tiring driving can be for work, plus the actual work you have to do once at the location then drive hours home) so as it gets later & later, I start to fall asleep. In the end I realise he isn’t going to go home so I suggest we go to bed. I honestly can’t remember what I wore to bed that night (I’m assuming I wasn’t naked), I fall asleep instantly & kinda feel bad because I can’t stay awake. It’s probably the first time since Boyfriend where I have actually slept next to a man without having sex with them.

Next morning however, he’s trying it on, spooning me, rubbing my sides, so I wake up & we have sex. He’s really thoughtful while we have sex making me cum many many times before we do anything else – I did actually get a record of 28 orgasms that morning – why I count, I don’t know… But afterwards we’re lying there & he says he has to tell me something. WARNING! WTF could he tell me after sex? That he’s got a wife? An STI? That I’m shit in bed? What? What is it? I lie there with a million thoughts going through my head, this is possibly the worst time to tell someone something. I never saw this coming!

“If I disappear for a while,” OMFG, what the fuck! “Don’t worry, I will come back” Ok dude, what on earth is going on. Guy’s disappearing isn’t something new to me, however, guys telling me they are going to disappear & come back, is new. Curiosity gets me & I ask what he means. He hesitates before saying “I might be going to jail” OH HOLY FUCK!!!!!! I want to jump up & run away, this dude is in my fucking bed! I’m naked. He’s naked. I have just fucked him! I ask ‘why‘ as calm as I can, scared about what he might say. He tells me that his last girlfriend after his fiancé, that he met online – on the anonymous app, told him she was 15 however she was actually only 14. Well FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. Have I just had sex with a child predator?

unemployed

He explains the story & says his lawyer says he has a good case as he letters & emails from the 14 year old girlfriend about her love for him & that she didn’t want her mum to find out. However her mum did found out & that is how he was in this position – he says he’s got a good lawyer, I’m assuming it’s a pro bono type situation or legal aid, but he seems optimistic. I don’t really remember how I get this guy out my house but he leaves & I have a shower for an hour.

	Phoenix #42 –… on Boyfriend
	Phoenix #37 –… on Boyfriend
	Phoenix #32 –… on Milky
	Phoenix #31 –… on Boyfriend
	Phoenix #28 –… on Max