Tag: Dating

Milky #3

At this point, Milky gets a new job so I guess that’s why I don’t see him for a couple of weeks, he still is reliable & texts on Thursdays at 7:30 pm to ask how my week has been & then we always text for a bit, working out if each other is free on the weekend on not. We only catch up twice in a month when before that we were seeing each other weekly, so I keep my casual hat on even though I stayed over at his house before having to meet for a friend’s birthday lunch, where everyone said how amazing I looked, yeah because I woke up, he spoon fucked me before I came to lunch – of course I look good, I’m rocking the ‘just fucked look!’

But then he’s busy one weekend, the next weekend I’m away in the infamous Moonta doing stupid things with a complete jock of a boy! He texts me to catch up the following weekend on the Friday night (we usually do Saturday nights) & I’m busy, I have friends coming over, so I say come over after, but he said he’d be asleep by then & he’s got a 21st on the Saturday night.

I’m not sure if any of you have read that book ‘He’s just not that into you’? Well basically it says that if a guy isn’t trying to sleep with you, then he’s just not that into you. There is no variation on this rule; any excuse a guy uses means he’s just not that into you. I mean that book should be burned, because I always come back to it, assuming that because Milky wouldn’t stay awake long enough to come to my house means ‘he’s just not that into you’ so I should say no worries & move on.

Sitting all alone on Saturday night, about 7:30 pm when he texts to say he’ll be finished about 10 pm so I could come over then. I don’t know why, but I pretend that I’m out for dinner & say ‘yeah sure, I should be finished dinner by then so let me know.’ So while getting ready for being ‘fake out for dinner’ it gets to 10 pm & still nothing more from him. At 10:30 pm I think he’ll text me soon, so I’ll get in my car, go for a drive closer to his house to presume the dinner pretence that I’m not 40 mins away at my house. I make a deal with myself that if he hasn’t text by half way, then I’ll put petrol in my car & go home (like a loser!)

He doesn’t text & I get all the way home, in my Pj’s & think I’ll just send him a quick ‘Sorry we didn’t catch up text but I’ve just dropped my friend home & I’m on my way home too.’ (WTF? There is something wrong with me…) Anyway he finally texts apologising saying his sister is his ride but should be home soon. We text a bit & I end up saying that I could still go to his house, if he was still awake. So I go… Yes I’m stupid but at this point my vagina is thinking for me. So I rock up about 1 am, like a booty call, and we have a drink watch some ridiculous Asian subtitle movie, that had to be some sort of satire before he kisses me, we fool around for a while before I realise what his game is, he’s prepping me for some ass sex. I seriously lose count of how many times he makes me cum with his fingers, his mouth, his fingers again, I’m so relaxed & satisfied that he’s able to slip it in my ass before I even really notice it. It doesn’t hurt me at all like it had with other guys who do the “surprise anal”, it just feels amazing, I had a feeling I would like it, but I didn’t realise just how much! He switches positions & I end up lying on my front for him to finish & me to go again! We shower & go to bed, everything seeming normal. The next morning, he gets up, gets dressed but comes back to bed & says he doesn’t want to kick me out but his dad is coming over at lunchtime, I basically jump up & leave. I’ve never felt more used than I did that morning.

Milky #3

When his usual text doesn’t come at 7:30 pm the following Thursday night, I feel even worse about having anal sex with him, but I have to be up at 5:00 am on Friday, so I text him as it’s the time he wakes up too. I don’t get a response till about 6:00 pm where we text a bit, but I’m out so I text back later when I am on the tram & say how I’ve parked at the entertainment centre (which is close to his house) but by the time he invites me over or says ‘you could have stopped into my place after the show haha’ but I’m over halfway home & bloody buggered as it’s almost 10:00 pm & I’ve been up since 5:00 am.

The next night I am at a wedding, I text him as I’m leaving about 11:00 pm to ask what he’s up too, he says just drinking & watching TV. I said I’m leaving & driving home now. He cracks a joke about me falling off furniture & that’s the last I hear from him that night. I can’t help but feel like he’s pulling away, I know we’re not exclusive & we’re not in a relationship but have I stuffed up something that wasn’t even anything with the first boy I’ve really liked in ages?

#IBD4U

Moonta

I heard a comedian tell a story once where he was never lucky with women, then he finally found someone who loved him & they became boyfriend & girlfriend that all these other women came out of the woodworks & suddenly found him attractive. I believe there is a phenomenon that once you have someone, whether that is casual, serious or not even monogamous that others will find you more attractive. That’s how I met Moonta!

On a weekend away with six girlfriends for my friends 40th, things were relatively normal, in a group of four flats facing the beach. We went down for a swim & looked back at our balcony to find a what seemed topless woman, playing what seemed to be a game of strip mini basketball with her boyfriend. When he stood up & flashed his bare ass, we know it’s a game of strip something!

Having a wine on the deck, nude boy pops his head over (he’s now in footy shirts) & asks if we saw him naked, when I said yes & had a laugh he asked if we wanted to play a naked game. I laughed explaining that we were six women here for a fun weekend but that wouldn’t include nakedness. We talked to him for a while, which somehow resulted in him cooking our BBQ that myself & another friend were going to do, so we went out to the BBQ to be polite & to supervise.

We talked more to this guy, who seemed like he was on drugs as he was grinding his teeth & his toes didn’t stop moving, but when we talked to him more, he explained that we could call the girl he was with “his wife”, when she came out with their meat for the BBQ, we invited them over for salad, but she declined. Fair enough, she was there for a dirty weekend with her husband!

After dinner, Moonta popped his head around our corner again to chat & play his music for us. Another friend gave the birthday girl a pack of Cards Against Humanity. Moonta & I were the only ones who’d ever played it so we had to explain the rules. During the card game things didn’t seem right with Moonta & his woman, she mentioned driving her husbands car up there, she seemed to imply that they weren’t a couple at all, he was 28 & she was 45 & Moonta wasn’t wearing a ring. Not my problem.

At the end of two rounds of hilarious cards, I was winning & the birthday girl had had enough, we packed up but Moonta wouldn’t leave even with his girl saying they should go back to their room. She left him & everyone went inside, I thought, this guy isn’t going anywhere so I hung back to talk to him (being the only one close to his age) but I never expected things to go the way they did…

He wouldn’t leave, when I asked why he said he didn’t want to go home & that he found me “so hot”, being that it isn’t a descriptive term I hear often or ever, I laughed. The chick he was with had washboard abs, perky tits & was relatively pretty. I never hear that from guys, ever. Hot is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. So I ended up going inside, thinking this guy is delusional.

I went to my bed room to get changed in my Pj’s, tidy up my bag a bit & who appears at my window? Moonta, telling me how hot he thinks I am, how much he wants to fuck me, I try not to entertain the idea, when I hear his woman come around the corner, I hide behind the wall & stay there till I can’t hear their voices like some sort of idiot. Rolling my eyes, I head back out for to the group in the lounge room for another wine.

The friend who helped with the BBQ comes out of her room after having just gone to bed saying that Moonta was standing at her window blowing smoke in her room & asking for me. I am secretly excited, but think what the fuck, this guy is here on a dirty weekend with a married woman who is hot, what the hell would he want with me? (I may need to work on my self-esteem!)

I go outside to find him, he immediately starts telling me how hot he finds me, I explain that I’m “kinda seeing someone”, he says that’s fine, he’s happy just to talk, tell me about your boyfriend. So we sit on the retaining wall & I feel stupid telling him about Milky, who is unfortunately on my mind, do I want to jeopardise what I have with him? (do I really have “something” with Milky to jeopardise?) but do I really want to pass up a sexy night with this hot guy for something that may not even be anything?

Yet when he leans down to kiss me, I’m thankful he’s taller than me & I kiss him back, he tried to put his hands in my pyjama shorts & I pull away. This guy is here on a dirty weekend with a chick & I have a Milky – don’t I?. Moonta really knows how to get a woman into bed, I mean some of the lines he came out with like ‘I want to date you’ & ‘we don’t have to have sex, we can just talk but you’re so hot I want you.’ He keeps trying to kiss me, but I keep pulling away when she comes around the corner & sharply says his name like his mum. I tell him to go, that nothing is going to happen with me, he tried to memorise my phone number (yeah right!) & then tries to remember my name to add me on Facebook. She comes around the corner again “are you serious?” I pushed him away & walked away back inside, never to hear from him again. Probably for the best anyway!

Moonta

I didn’t tell Milky about the kiss (we’re not exclusive, I mean I’ve asked if he’s sleeping with anyone else which he said no, but we’ve not had the talk) But what this encounter made me realise, is that I actually might like Milky a lot more than I wanted to, or is he just the first regular guy I’ve slept with that has show some sort of interest in me?

#IBD4U

Hipster

I met Hipster on a site that I didn’t even know was a site you could chat on. But somehow I worked out the app by sending a post out about how I am really attracted to guys who make me laugh & several guys start chatting to me, specifically one who wanted to play truth or dare. (little did I know, this was a usual game on this app, designed for teenagers!) I really had never played truth or dare over text or chat so didn’t know what to even say to this bloke.

I chose dare so I seemed fun & cool so when he asked to see a picture of my best feature, I tried to crop a photo of my eye but ended up sending him my whole face, (basically because I didn’t know how to use this app) which he said he liked & then he sent me his photo. He looked kinda hipster in his scarf, baldish head & goatee & he wasn’t the type that I would go for at all. But I decided to “give him a go” as I should think outside the box of men that I usually go for. Maybe this would be different.

We talked about hobbies & we had a few that were the same or similar & that’s when he decide to introduce himself, when he said his name & it was the same first name as Milky, I immediately thought of him! & that’s about when I started thinking how whatever I am doing with Milky, it actually could be something more. I really didn’t initiate conversation with Hipster too much as in my head I didn’t want to ruin things with Milky for just a random guy.

Hispster

When Hipster asked me if I wanted to catch up, I said maybe, even though I had an epiphany about what I wanted with Milky, I still thought I needed to put some distance between Milky & I, since I had probably told him that I wanted casual, I didn’t want to start planning the wedding, maybe a date with someone else would take the pressure off?

But when Hipster gave me his number, I couldn’t go through with it, I wasn’t really feeling it with him, like the banter was ok, but my heart was never in it. So I told him I was kinda seeing someone (not completely untrue in my eyes) & l wasn’t sure what “it” was yet, so he said yeah cool don’t worry about it. Then I never hear from him again.

#IBD4U

Swiss

In my younger years, before boyfriend, I went on my first overseas trip to Fiji. I was so excited to be finally going overseas, it was a massive dream. While I am a well-traveled individual now, at 20 going overseas for the first time, I was a bit of a late starter, in comparison to my friends. I was going with one girl friend & we were going to spend 10 days in Fiji, 5 on a Beachcomber island and 5 on the main island at a resort. The first 5 days were apparently going to be spent on the party island.

When we got there, the party island, was tiny, you could walk around the whole thing in about 10 minutes. People only spent one or two days there & they all slept in backpacker style accommodation however my friend & had a room with a private bathroom. For being in our early 20’s, we probably should’ve been in the share accommodation, it might’ve been more fun, however people we met, called us snobs & rich because we had a private bathroom.

One night at the bar we made friends with two other chicks from Sydney, we also met a guy from Canada, a guy from Germany & a guy from Switzerland. We were all drinking way too much & ended up doing some shots. My friend & I somehow even got behind the bar to take a photo with the bartenders.

I started cosying up with Swiss (as we all started to call him – I don’t know how real name) & my friend with a German guy. I don’t really remember how things happen but I ended up back in my room with Swiss & we start kissing & have sex, before my friend comes knocking on the door to come in with the German guy. Swiss & I leave the room & head to the tennis courts. I’m not sure why we gave up the room, but we did. We try to have sex on the tennis courts but I get sore knees (hahaha) so we retreat back to closer to the room, where we find a hammock. We fool around & have sex in the hammock before just lying there under the stars of Fiji.

Swiss

The next day, Swiss is off the island & I am extremely hungover. He says he’ll keep in touch but this is actually before the days of Facebook so I never hear or see him again, nor do I try to contact him – not that I would know how anyway. But it was nice to have a summer romance & literally weeks after that encounter, I end up with Boyfriend & in a relationship. I had everything I ever wanted, so I didn’t worry about the boy I fucked in Fiji. But now I kind of wonder what it would be like if I met someone like that now days, with Facebook.

Oh actually, hang on….

I did & it’ll probably just end up like Cruise/Cruise#2. Never mind.

#IBD4U

Milky #2

After the night at his house, where I got really drunk & fell off his bed, (much to his delight & he reminded me often), we text lots but I get sick with tonsillitis & so I don’t see him that weekend, but we chat about how hilarious it was for him to mix wine & vodka, me falling off the bed & some other cocktail that he made that reminded me of the smell of fly spray, he said he wanted to get me drunk again, I said be careful what you wish for, next minute he’s revealing that his three wishes would include some rope, handcuffs & a vibrator.

As we explore this line of conversation I realise that he is into a bit of BDSM, so far I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve done, including him spanking my ass, standing up to have sex & him pulling my ponytail but I tell him that I’ve never been tied up before but don’t mind being pinned down with my arms above my head. He says he’ll have to show me his toys sometime. I say that I need to trust the person before I let them tie me to something, he agrees & says that just think of a “casual thing like trusting a friend.” My heart sinks, I’ve been building this thing up to a bloody full blown relationship. I wanted casual, I’m sure that’s what I would’ve said to him, he gave it to me & now I’m wanting more. What is wrong with me?

We work out for him to come to my house the next week & he says he’ll bring some toys, I agree thinking that it might be interesting & something that I enjoy since he’s been the only guy to ever make me cum by just playing with my nipples (yes that’s a thing!), I figure that whatever we do will be just as good & if I don’t like it I can just tell him & if I don’t want to, I never have to see him again anyway, right?

I decide to read a book on kink to make sure I know what I’m in for, not just a apparently lewd love story version like Fifty Shades of Grey (which I did enjoy nonetheless!). I read ‘SM 101 – a realistic introduction’ & I’m not sure if it makes things worse. It talks about trust quite a lot, because this person could just tie you up & torture you to death (great thanks for that thought!) so I think I freaked myself out a bit. However the book is mainly about Dominant/submissive relationships, which I don’t think I’d be cut out for, I couldn’t look down all the time or only refer to a partner as master.

Milky #2

But next time Milky comes over, he pulls out a rope, paddle & a butt plug & says he’s thinking he could tie me to my pergola or my ottoman, I say I’m not ready to be tied to something yet, so he just packs it all away & he kisses me & we just have some kinky moments (look away mum!) where he makes me cum standing up with his finger in my ass but then vanilla sex. Yet he never uses any of his toys that night.

For those of you who have read fifty shades of grey, you can see how this story is turning more & more like it (without the hot millionaire) & to make this even more lifelike, one of my best friends met a guy online just before Christmas (at this point, I’d been sleeping with Milky for about 2 months, semi regularly) then after New Years they become boyfriend & girlfriend, yet here I am discussing if I want to be tied to my pergola or not…

#IBD4U

Ibiza

My friend & I were travelling through Europe still for 5 weeks a few years back, the same trip I had the Manchester evening in Croatia. We picked different countries that neither of had been too before. So we planned Spain, now you can’t go to Spain without a trip to Ibiza.

Our trip was a very tight trip with everything we wanted to fit in. Stupidly I think we went to 7 or 8 countries in 5 weeks, doing our own thing, not a tour so it was pretty full on. We booked flights to Ibiza & with our schedule, it meant we were going to be there less than 24 hours. It was pre-season, so the clubs weren’t open yet however there was one nightclub doing a special gig that we bought tickets for.

We went to the local shop, got some drinks (which were super cheap!) then we went back to the hotel, hung by the pool for a bit & got ready for a big night out. Now being in Ibiza, the party capital of the world, we thought we should get there early so we didn’t have to line up & also cos we had an early flight the next day.

We rock up to ‘Space’ nightclub. The music is pumping but the place is empty. Much like the Croatia nightclub. We sit at the bar & have transvestites chatting to us who were promo girls, while other guys taking to us didn’t believe they were men. It was worrying that the massive club was basically empty. Maybe this was a mistake!

Ibiza

But just like Croatia, the club starts to get packed, we start dancing & drinking way too much. Well especially me this time.

We start dancing with this bunch of guys, all wearing bunny ears. They all speak Spanish, no English at all & I try out my Spanish skills trying to talk to them, however it does not go well, especially in a packed loud nightclub. I somehow end up kissing one of them. He very cute, beautiful brown hair, beautiful tan, tall, exotic & just what I needed that night. I remember walking around the club with him, possibly trying to find somewhere we could have sex but not succeeding.

I go back to my friend & she is relieved to find me again, saying I’d been gone for ages. Really? Whoops… What was I doing? Kissing a sexy Spanish guy, that’s what! We trek back to the hotel, luckily she was more sober than me. I was so drunk, I don’t remember much besides what she’s told me. But I had such a good time I remember shouting over the music at one point to her “I’m never growing up!” & let’s face it, I haven’t!

#IBD4U

Manchester

Travelling through Europe with my friend for 5 weeks had a lot of ups & downs, we headed to Croatia for 10 days doing a island hopping tour. While staying Dubrovnik my friend decided that she wanted to dye her hair bleach blonde like Paris Hilton from dark brown, so she booked an appointment at the hairdresser. While we waited we sat down at a oyster bar for her to try the fresh oysters & I had a glass of wine. When she went to her appointment I wandered around shopping, eating, soaking up the culture. About 5 hours later, she still hadn’t text me, so I went back to the hotel, had a shower, jumped in my pyjamas & settled down to read my book, I figured that she would find me when she was done.

She got home shortly after me about 7:30pm & even though her hair colour looked nothing like Paris Hilton, it was more of a golden blonde but it looked amazing. We talked for a bit thinking that we can’t waste her amazing new hair do on a night in at the hotel, lets go out for a drink? So I jump up about 8:30pm & start getting ready, she says ‘are you serious?’ I said sure, why not? So we got ready, had a drink at the hotel bar (boring!) then caught a taxi to the town centre. We asked the driver were we should go, so he dropped us at a nightclub about 9:30pm.

Music was pumping, lights were flashing as we walked down the stairs to this underground club, but we walk into a fairly small room, with two or three booths & a few stools with tables but it’s almost an empty room! We both pack up laughing but decide to give it a go. We order drinks, mine comes in a bucket, yes a bucket, like one you would take down the beach to build a sandcastle. Several of those buckets later & the place was filling up, three fairly older German guys share our table & we make friends with them easily, leaving our stuff with them (WTF!?) while we dance on the dance floor!

Manchester

Disclaimer : Pic is real!

It’s not long before it’s hard to move in the place, it’s tiny & it’s packed full of people, all dancing, trying to get drinks. My friend & I are dancing away, taking selfies & generally feeling like we’re 20 again. It was such a fun night (from what I remember) but somehow I start dancing with this guy, a British guy (of course) from Manchester so we dance & end up kissing on the dance floor. I must really be in my 20’s!

I’m grinding away on the dance floor when my friend comes up to me & says ‘I have to go, I’ve got food poisoning’ she tells me to stay & rushes off. Stupidly I let her go & stupidly she doesn’t force me to go with her, so she heads off & I stay in the arms of Manchester.

We end up outside chatting & he invites me back to his hotel, I ask if he’s sharing a room with someone which he says no, so I think whats a little holiday romance. We jump in a taxi & it’s going further & further into the hills, but we arrive a nice hotel & go inside, we walk through all the nice part & kept walking, to what can only be described as a dorm hall, this is confirmed when we walk into a dorm room! There’s another couple in a bed in the corner but apparently that doesn’t stop me. I guess I really am in my 20’s!

It’s probably one of the weirdest sexual encounters, I never had sex in a dorm room in my 20’s so it’s kinda crazy doing it in my 30’s. I have no idea if the sex was good or not, I am sorry to say I don’t really remember it. But I get up afterwards & get dressed, doing the walk of shame though a Croatian hotel/hostel to ask the concierge to call me a taxi, I feel like a hooker standing outside waiting. I get home about 5:00am, hungover as fuck, dying for a drink of water & my friend is up. She’s been sick all night, coming out of both ends – those bloody fresh oysters. She’s drunk all the water including the mini bar water. We end up spending the whole next day at the hotel only venturing out for water & some greasy food for me! But man Croatia was a beautiful place!

#IBD4U

Milky

I met the Milky online, we chatted a bit then exchanged numbers, I kind of had a few guys lined up for the Saturday night that we penciled in so I didn’t end up texting him as I thought I was more interested in some of the others aka Someones Son – I know that sounds really bad but Milky was kind of a back up. However that bit me in the butt because I saw neither that night! We text a little about general crap before I invite him over to test out my new outdoor setting & have a strongbow but he says he’s really busy most of the weekend then “he will be tired when he is free”, (Like really?!) so I just respond for him to let me know when he is free, I have no desire to chase a guy that is ‘just not that into me.’

Milky initiates the texts over the following week, I don’t give too much away, keeping my guard up but he invites me over to his house for a drink on Saturday night. I’m feeling a nervous about going to a guys house (even though he’s now the second guy I’ve been to their house) & especially since we hadn’t actually text/chatted that much to begin with, but I rock up at his house & he is cuter in real life than his photos, he had a really nice smile & he actually ends up being quite funny, we have a few drinks but because I always feel awkward, I sit there thinking that I should go leave soon, being that it’s about 11pm & I don’t know the protocol is, that’s about when he slides over & kisses me!

He’s a good kisser & does everything right, he really seems to know what he’s doing, he spends a lot of time making me feel good, including using his own “massager” on me (which I think is weird being it’s the first time we’ve had sex – but I go with it & enjoy myself) & I end up with a huge hickey. The awkward human that I am, I end up getting up about 1 am, get dressed & go home.

The next day I get a quick text from him saying something like he had a good time, I respond hoping we can do it again sometime, he agreed & although we text a little, we don’t seem to catch up again. I finally say to him that I’m going away for work for 11 days but I have a little free time to see him before I go, he suggests to wait till I get back. I write him off again, assuming I’ll never hear from him again but to my surprise he just randomly text me while I’m away to see how I’m going & we arrange to meet up the weekend that I am back, which again I go to his house.

The next time we caught up, we talked again for ages, he moved into kiss me & we have really good sex again, but I walked away texting my friend that I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. A slight overreaction but he tried to go up my ass without any warning & he did hold my neck a bit, but once I moved his hand & said no, he didn’t try again. But he did do things I didn’t know I would like, he pulled my hair & we stood up to have sex, some things I’d never done before. Anyway I get up again & leave, really not knowing the appropriate amount of time to stay at a guys house after you have sex & a shower.

Another 3 weeks go by & another work trip before we arrange to catch up again, this time at my house, which I felt better about because then I didn’t have to be the one to leave. I was watching some murder mystery show so we watched that a bit but he kissed me & we had good sex again before we had a shower & he spooned me on the couch, which was about when I started getting a little attached, then we had sex again. He stayed till about 2:30 am & left my house. I text him the next day to say I didn’t realise it was so late when he left & he says he wasn’t sure if I wanted him to stay or not, I say you should’ve stayed, next time. Smiley Face! Uh Oh!

This is also about the time that I completely forget what we talked about online & I had deleted my account, so I can’t go back & read it & what each of us wanted, which would’ve helped me keep a ‘casual’ distance & not start overthinking. It’s also about this time that I realise my ‘wish’ list for a man is completely out the window. This guy is about the same height as me (5’3, he might be like 5’4), he’s never traveled overseas, he drives a ford & he now has no job. The only thing on my list is that he owns a house, he’s older than me & the sex is really good! (which I think rules out the whole list!)

We text a bit over the next few days & we work out that he’s going to pick me up from a BBQ at my friends house. Now all this to me isn’t a casual thing, he’s going to stay at my house, he’s picking me up from functions, all very coupley things to me. Stuff I haven’t done in a long time with a guy. We have this great banter all the time & I find myself starting to think about having the “what are we doing” talk & introducing him to my friends & family.

He ends up coming over my house 4 Saturday nights in a row, then its Christmas, he comes over before New Years on a Monday night when I am supremely hung over, I stay at his house the next week on a Tuesday & things have been pretty standard for us, a few texts a week back & forth during the week to set up the next night, sometimes we grab pizza but generally we watch some Netflix, drink (he mixes rose wine with vodka – a night where I get so drunk & fall off his bed!), we talk & we have sex, then we sleeps over & he spoons me before we go to sleep.

Milky

#IBD4U

PJ O’Brien’s

One night out with some friends, I was actually the only girl there with a Boyfriend. (This is going back, I’ve only ever really had the one boyfriend!) I was always (& still am!) the only single one around everyone in couples.

We went out with friends for drinks. I can’t remember if it was a birthday or just a fun night out. Well that’s what it was supposed to be!

We get to the bar PJ O’Brien’s (which I’m so happy doesn’t exist anymore because of this story!) it was an Irish pub with lots of booths & walls – hidden nooks & crannies. I was dancing with the girls while my boyfriend sat at the bar with our other friend. Us girls somehow ended up at a booth chatting to some other guys. I believe they knew some of my friends.

I am always more confident with men when I don’t care what they think of me, which I didn’t because I had a boyfriend. So I was more open with the guys chatting to us. One guy kept moving closer & I kept stepping back during the conversation but I didn’t think much of it.

As each friend lost interest in whatever the conversation was, they all walked away, the girls were on the dance floor & I realised I was backed into the corner of a booth area, with this guy leaning in, his arm up to block my way. I realised I was stuck & started to feel uneasy. So I said to the guy “I better get back to my friends, they must be looking for me” & kinda gave a laugh, pushing his arm down, but he wouldn’t move it, he stared into my eyes & said “No they’re not” that’s about when I started to panic.

Idea!! Play the boyfriend card! You actually have it this time, not just a lie you say to a dude to get them away from you. “I’ve got a boyfriend, I’m sure he’s looking for me” he smirked a creepy smile & said “No he’s not” & it worked. I actually believed him, they weren’t looking for me, no one knew I was in the corner with this creep, trying to get away.

But it also spured me on to get away from him, he was a creep & weird. I ran straight to the toilets & tried to calm down. I looked on the dance floor for my girl friends but couldn’t see them. I didn’t want that guy to find me but I had to walk past to get to my boyfriend.

052816

I walked up to my boyfriend & asked (possibly yelled hahaha) him why he didn’t come save me. We had a massive fight because I felt so let down. He ended up walking home from the city & not answering his phone, I got a taxi back to my parents house & then had to go fix it with him in the morning – not sure what I did wrong but man that was a shitty night out.

I should’ve broken up with my boyfriend then, but we actually went on to buy a house together a little whole later, the one I still live in & we talked kids. But ultimately, we were never going to work out, I don’t want someone who goes missing because I was upset I just got freaked out by a creep.

#IBD4U

Flaccid

If you follow my blog, you’ll know my Birthday story where I talk about the two types of drunk guy sex. I’ve never had a number one happen to me with a sober guy (well this guy drove to my house so I assume he was sober!)

I met Flaccid (poor guy what a horrible pseudonym) online & we chatted a fair bit online before we finally exchanged numbers, we text a little bit for a few days but then one weekend night we’re texting, I invite him over but he says he’s going to call me. We talk on the phone for about 40 minutes before he says he’ll come over. He tells me that he hasn’t done this type of thing before & he’s nervous.

He comes over & lays on my bed next to me, we have some small talk before he asks me ‘what I am going to do with him now that I have him here’ so I lean in & we kiss. As we start undressing each other, I reach over to my night stand for a condom & ask him to put it on, he obliges & we start having sex. It’s not the greatest sex ever but he starts kissing my neck, not in a ‘I’m giving you a hickey’ type of kissing but proper kissing up & down my neck while rhythmically pounding into me, I’m surprised that I’m about to climax without much assistance at all, which has been usual for me. But then he stops everything!

He sits up and takes of the condom saying he can’t stay hard. Great! that’s not something that a girl wants to hear, right when she was actually about to climax before you stopped. He stuffs around for ages but he never gets hard again. He ends up leaving shortly after, I think probably due to embarrassment.

Flaccid

He messages me next time I am on the app & asks if I want to catch up with him again, I say yes & explain how close I was & how unusual that was, he seems pretty pleased. He texts me a few times & calls really late at night one night but I didn’t get it till the morning as I was asleep.

#IBD4U

Someone’s Son

There comes a time in everyone’s life, especially in Adelaide when you start chatting to someone online & realise you know them or someone they know. I met this guy who I was chatting to for a while, things were going well, we were talking about meeting up for a drink, but something made me sign up to another online site that links to your Facebook account, it then shows you friends you have in common. We had a friend in common then I realised that it was his mum, I used to work with her. So when I messaged & asked him, he confirmed & it made me feel more at ease to meet him, because I had sort of met him a while ago at his mum’s wedding, but he’d just had a kid with his then partner. But knowing he wasn’t a complete psycho I think I was much more at ease to have him come over to my house.

I think though when he sends you two texts in a row, one agreeing to catch up & one that says “can you pick me up at ****” with a very quick “that was for my mum” you probably don’t think too much of the fact that he’s still seeing the mother of his child (aka ****), because they share custody, but you should wonder why he’s needing to be picked up from there. Red flags should be waving ferociously.

We arranged for him to come over to my house a couple of times, in the end this guy copied the same behavior of Catastrophe who took FOREVER to get to my house, He actually only lived about 10 minutes maximum from me if there was heavy traffic, he said he’d be an hour, then an hour went by, I text again, he said he’d be 30 mins, that 30 minutes went by, then he said he’d be 10 minutes, I just told him not to bother, it was late & when he said he had to drop of medicine to his son, which is why he was late, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was trying to win back his ex girlfriend? He said he felt a bit shit about not catching up but he never made much of an effort since then anyway.

Someones son

I’m kind of glad it worked out that way, not that I won’t date someone with kids (I’d prefer if they have kids), but if they can’t even meet up with me because of the kids, there must be something that stops them. Sometimes things work out in a way you don’t get, until you get perspective & are able to look back.

I guess I also feel a bit stupid being that the same night I tried to also catch up with another guy but “he fell asleep” so I’m really not sure what is so wrong with me that I have more trouble doing this casual thing as I did actually dating!

#IBD4U

Serial Killer

When I was staying in the Riverland for work I was scrolling through some random profiles on a new website I was trialling & started chatting to this cute boy who only lived a few kms out of Berri where I was staying. We chat a little while & he invites me over.

I pluck up the courage as this is the first guys house I’ve ever been too while on this slutty quest & I’m hours away from anyone I know, I start wondering if this is a good idea as I get in the car & the sun is sinking low in the sky. I decide to just ‘get a grip’ & crank the music, but that was probably a mistake. I forget what the music was that was playing but it was kinda an eerie song, it was now pitch black, being that he was out in the country with no street lights, plus I almost hit 3 rabbits, a bird flew out in front of me in the darkness & then I saw a kangaroo. The GPS took me to his street, there were no street lights, no neighbours, vineyards on one side & I seriously looked like I was going to be murdered out here! I did a quick u-turn & put my foot down to go back to the comfort of the hotel.

Serial Killer

I messaged him on the app when I got back to the hotel & I was quite honest, he laughs & explains he does have neighbours & that I should come back. I suggest he comes to the hotel but he says he’s shy & doesn’t want to get kicked out. I don’t really get that but I say ok & agree that perhaps we could meet in the daylight the next day. I finish work at 5:00pm & want to go for a walk first but could be there about 6:00pm. He agrees.

Next day in the day light I start the trek again, we have discussed me going another way which includes me going over the ferry. It’s much easier & in the light of day I realise that his house isn’t as scary as I first thought. His house is brand new, he has neighbours right next to his house (probably closer than my neighbours at home) & he’s also waiting out the front for me to arrive as I was messaging him when I was on the ferry.

He’s really tall & better looking than his photos so I am pleasantly surprised. We go inside & his house is immaculate, not a thing out of place & everything looks completely brand new. He asks if I have eaten, which I haven’t so he cooks a store bought frozen pizza. Then his phone rings & of course I can only hear one side “oh really? Oh ok, I’ll be there in a minute” I figure that this is the ‘rescue call,’ mostly done by women, where you get a friend to call 30 minutes in to a date so that if it’s going bad you can bail. So he says to me, ‘I just have to go help my dad for a second, pick something on the TV’ I think WTF!

So there I am sitting in his lounge room, watching TV while he goes somewhere. I think this isn’t good. I start to think about horror movies & what might happen to me as I sit there trying to work out his complex remote control.

When he comes back, we watch TV, eat pizza & some lollies. I feel so awkward being this is the first guys house I’ve ever been too from a dating website & I feel like I should leave, I don’t want to overstay my welcome, I also can never tell if they are interested or not. At 9:30pm, at the door he says you don’t have to go, I say I better as I have to work tomorrow & he shakes my hand! Yes, he shook my hand to say goodbye. We talked a bit after that he wanted me to come back to the Riverland & added me on Facebook but I didn’t see it going anywhere. However he was a really nice guy & someone I reckon I could of been in a relationship with. Pity about the distance & chemisty.

#IBD4U

Security Guard

I start chatting to this guy on a new online app I’ve not used before. He seems to be a bit of a beef cake gym junkie looking guy & also has a black eye in his photo so I’m a bit cautious of him really, firstly I don’t think I would be his type & secondly I don’t think the beefed up gym junkie security guard is my type either.

We actually talk about just having a sex work out, so I invite him over knowing he has about an hours drive to get to my house but he wants a shower first, I tell him at 10:00pm to get in the shower & come over. At 10:45pm he says that he’s leaving his house, seriously 45 mins?! But he doesn’t arrive until 12:15am, I’m buggered, in my PJ’s & in bed.

So as I suspected, he wasn’t really my type, he was the same height as me at a measly 5’3 & was really bulky. He really reminded me of one of my friends boyfriends too, which didn’t help his case much, he talked & walked like him.

He came in & sat on the end of my bed & all he talked about was the gym, what he does at the gym, what he used to do at the gym & what I should do at the gym. The conversation was really one sided (although I’m not sure if it was because I know I am not interested so I’m not giving too much at all or if because he just has nothing else to say!)

At about 3:30am I tell him I’m getting tired & that he should go (kinda felt a little rude, but didn’t want to spend the night with this guy) yet he said he could stay, but I just said no it’s okay I’m just going to go to sleep. He text me at 4:45am to say he was home safe & how good it was to meet me & that he hopes that we can catch up again soon. I don’t reply even the next morning.

I had the next day off work so I went to the gym & was getting my outdoor setting delivered, so I set about my day, I got another text from him, trying not to be rude I text back short & sharp answers hoping that he’ll get my drift, but between 2:00pm & 5:00pm I have 3 missed calls, 2 texts & a message on the dating app. He apologises for texting me to much & asks what I thought of him, I think this is the time I have to be honest. So I said it was good to meet you but I just didn’t feel them chemistry between us, he said that it was just the first time & that if we hung out more then we might feel different, he didn’t want to make the wrong move last night.

He tries too hard to catch up with me again (& I feel so bad as it usually never happens that the guy is more interested in me than I am in him, it’s completely unnerving!) he asks me out on the Saturday, when I say no, he offers Sunday, then Monday when I again say I’m busy. I just try to ignore him, but I feel terrible. I tried the blunt route & he was still persistent, but I don’t think I can be rude & ignore him.

Security Guard

In the end, that’s what I do, I finally get rid of him, he gets the hint since I ignore message after message from him. I feel so rude & don’t want karma to come back & bite me in the ass but I have to ignore him, when I reply he writes more but he doesn’t listen when I say I am not interested.

UPDATE: I had tickets to an event at the nightclub he works at, I freaked out that I was going to see him the whole night & I did, he wasn’t working (unless he was a plain clothed security guard) but he didn’t see me (well not that I know of! I wonder if he did & ignored me?)

#IBD4U

Hockey Puck

During my phase of ‘I don’t want a boyfriend’ I stumble across this younger but cutish guy that I think is alright & might be good for yet another one night stand. However when we start texting & he asks me to tell him five facts about myself, I think start to think that this one might be different, we text facts back & forth all night, I stayed up late waiting for his responses that make me smile. When he text first thing the next day I grinned like a fool, texting all day even though I should have been doing work – these texts all day go on for about a week before we talk about catching up.Hockey Puck

We arrange to meet up at my house to watch Netflix, he comes over & sits on the couch not really seeming interested or looking at me, but makes me watch crime shows all night, as I walk him out & don’t get a kiss goodnight, I just assume that he’s not interested at all. Jumping into bed feeling another dating disaster story for my blog, when my phone flashes with a text, it’s him! He says something about how he had a good time & wanted to kiss me but didn’t know if he should, I said I was interested but didn’t know if he was. That’s when texts get dirty, we talk about all sorts, but not in a creepy way, I still feel like this guy was a good guy. He makes me skip the gym the following week & he comes over again, he kisses me this time & we have reasonably good sex (he remembers things I like in bed, like having my hands pinned above my head, which he did a few times) & then I cook him chicken nuggets. Romantic!

I didn’t realise that I had actually started liking this guy, even though he had nothing on my imaginary list for the perfect guy. He was younger than me, was living with his parents, was studying so not working & hadn’t travelled.  But when I get nothing from him the next day, I think I should send him a text first, show that I am interested in him, but I get one word answers back, so I just stop.

The next day still nothing from him & I start to question what I look like naked & how good I am in bed, that I just think I need to see if this is it with this guy, so at one last ditch attempt, I text him & ask what happened, he responds that he’s not looking for anything serious & doesn’t want to hurt me. I remind him that I’m the one who wanted something casual but I bid him goodbye.

On my way to a regional trip the next day he texts asking what I mean by ‘casual’ I explain that a bit more sex but a lot less texting. He continues to text me for a few days saying how much he wants me & complementary things he liked about my body or what we did together (so obviously not my looks or sexual abilities) so one afternoon as we’re texting, I get home from work & invite him over, suddenly he’s not feeling well & can’t come over. A few days later the same thing, I say come over but he’s still not feeling well. In the end I crack the shits at him when I was drunk when he was texting me so I tell him to fuck off.

Weeks later I start getting texts again from him, I wrote back to one but ignored the follow up message… so stay tuned, who knows what might happen!

UPDATE: He sent me a “hey how are you” text about 3 months later, I chose to ignore him completely! I’m sick of giving men second chances.

#IBD4U

Trolls

I don’t often write about people I never meet or people that I haven’t even given my phone number too but there is a type of person on every online dating app or website that always amuses me – the Online Dating Troll.

We all know the ‘Internet Troll’ who in forums or blogs will make obnoxious comments just to get a rise out of the readers, which usually include an angry response, perhaps some name calling, from you (don’t worry I have a comment policy to discourage negative comments!) but I think there is an online dating version!

If you’ve been online dating for a long period of time you’ll have met hundreds of these people, even if you’re only just starting out your online dating journey, you’re sure to come across one or two of these people. Depending on what you are looking for, they might be good for you but trust your instincts. If you get a bad vibe, like I did with Rimmer then shut it down, it may have been harmless, but better to be safe than sorry!

Online dating trolls are the type of guys (I’m sure there’s a female equivalent but I’ve never searched for women online) that within the first few minutes will probably ask you one or more of the following:

  • What are you looking for?
  • What are you wearing?
  • When was the last time you had sex?
  • How big are your tits?
  • Are you waxed?
  • How are you still single?

Pretty much all of these will prove he hasn’t looked at your profile if you’ve got ‘looking for a relationship’ in the looking for description. It’ll also tell you that they probably aren’t looking for anything serious at all, probably just “fun” (aka sex) or want to talk dirty to you over text or via the online chat.

“What are you looking for” is probably the dumbest question to ask, firstly, it’s right there in my profile & secondly it’s a dating site. So you write back that you’re looking for a relationship, a Troll is notorious for writing ‘same here’, but then minutes later will ask you if your waxed, how big your tits are or something equally troll like.

If you reply that you’re looking for fun & see where it goes or something casual, then it’s easy to get caught up in sexting, (which I just find completely hilarious & for me not much of a turn on with a random stranger) especially when they ask what you’d do to them if they were there or they start telling you what they would do to you. (& in my experience, they haven’t ever done what they said they were going too.) I’d rather let things happen organically, especially if it’s the first time you’re going to meet this person or the first time you’re going to have sex with them & they’ve built themselves up to be this amazing lover & then they can’t even fuck you for more than six minutes.

“When was the last time you had sex” has always baffled me, I don’t understand why they would want to know. What is the correct response? Do they want someone who hasn’t has sex in a while or someone who has so that they might be in with a chance? I really don’t know. I would interested to hear people’s theory’s on this one. I’ve asked a few guys & they just say they are curious, but there has to be more to it than curiosity.

Trolls

“What are you wearing” is also another one I always answer honestly, I’d say ‘jeans & a top’ or ‘pyjamas’ ‘Oooh, sexy pyjamas?’ No dude, I’m in my 30’s it’s winter, I sleep in a long sleeved top, singlet & shorts. Do they think we sit around in our sexy lingerie chatting online, no the purpose of online is so you can sit in your crappy oversized hoodie with unbrushed hair but to them you look amazing because you’ve picked your favourite picture of yourself, so let them visualise that on a sexy nighty.

“How are you still single” is just fucking offensive, if I knew that dip shit I wouldn’t be here writing this blog would I? Probably the funniest part about that question is that it’s not even a guy that will ever ask you out or really make an effort with you, so why say it?

Another type of troll is the married man or relationship man. It doesn’t matter if he tells you that his wife knows & is ok with it, I say bullshit! My philosophy is not to accept people with this type of talk in their profile, even while I was doing the casual thing. I hate when you accept a guy then he tells you he’s got a girlfriend who knows what he’s doing, blah blah blah, but hasn’t written on his profile. Jerk!

Anyway the point of this post, is I probably have about 5 of these trolls talking to me at any given time when online, they’ll generally never ask you about work or how was your day & will only ever talk to you while you’re online, usually starting off with the very original “hey”. I just want to warn newbies to the online dating world because I think the first one is always a bit of a shock, but if you don’t like it, there’s a wonderful button labelled ‘delete’ & you can use it freely!

#IBD4U

Birthday

As I get older the birthdays become more classy & less about going out & getting smashed at the hottest nightclub we can find. Well that’s probably what should happen!

I have five really close girlfriends, one of them decided to get a scoopon for a lunch for four in the Barossa at a winery & I thought this was a great idea, it was classy & something different. She also had a night off from the kids so she booked a hotel down at Glenelg. I was actually coming down with something & had had a day off work before, but I wasn’t going to bail on my birthday lunch. I got a little tipsy with the bottle of wine at lunch & the wine tasting after. We have the most hilarious time using a selfie stick & making some really great memories.

One friend had to go home to her husband but the other two from lunch came to the hotel room, not before stopping for more drinks! We order room service for dinner & have a few drinks listening to music & just generally chatting about shit. We get ready for a night out, thinking we’ll go to a bar close by & have a few more drinks (like I need them!). That’s where my other friend joins us & we’re back to a group of four.

We decide to leave this club & go across the way to another, where we find a booth, order some drinks & go have a boogie on the dance floor. Two of my friends don’t want to dance so they stay with our stuff & drinks. When we come back, there are three very young boys sitting with them chatting. I go back out onto the dance floor, this time only leaving one friend at the booth. The place then shuts, the ugly lights come on & we find our friend plus our new friends & walk outside.

It’s a bit cold, being it’s August but for some reason, even though we have a hotel room like 100 metres away, we stand outside talking to these young boys. But my voice has been reduced to a whisper! I can barely be heard over all the commotion of boys jumping all over each other. I end up kissing one of them, talking to him & his friends a lot too, some how another guys joins in talking to us & I kiss him too… I’m not 100% sure how that happened, but my friend kindly took a photo so there is evidence!

We all get too cold so we go back to the hotel room, bringin back with us four boys. My friend was kissing one of the older ones but he wasn’t with the three that I was talking too. Back at the hotel we have a few more drinks (Like WTF? as if I needed anything, my voice is a whisper & I am already really drunk!) Drunk enough that I end up pulling the first guy I kissed, who was also wasted, into the bedroom.

Birthday

Now in my experience with drunk guys it can go either of two ways

  1. They can’t keep it hard or
  2. They are hard but can’t climax

Of course if they can’t keep it hard it’s just a disappointment & even though it’s really about them, not you, I’m sure there are other women out there who think the same as me & believe that it has something to do with them. ‘He’s not attracted to me’ or ‘I’m not sexy enough’ are just a few thoughts I’ve had, however, it’s really usually about them.

This guy, was like Vesty ! The best kind of drunk man to have sex with because it lasts so much longer, which means that there is much more chance of you being able to climax & if you’re lucky enough more than once! So I can tick that off my list, having sex with a 21 year old when you’re in your mid 30’s! At least I got a pretty decent birthday root!

#IBD4U

Irish

A few days after Rotisserie Chicken & the start of a New year, I need some new sex memories to erase all the shit sex I had last year. I start talking to this guy online who was Irish who seems pretty cool, he’s a few years younger than me, but I’m a sucker for a accent so I think he’ll hopefully be better than the last.

I invite him over fairly late, I’m still on holidays from work so it doesn’t matter about the time. He asks if he can wear casual clothes (Why do men keep asking what they should wear to my house?!), which I laugh at but tell him I’m in my pyjamas, he hopes that they are sexy pyjamas & I say yes. Why do I say yes? I don’t really have sexy pyjamas. I rummage around in my pyjama draw while Irish makes his way to my house. I find one nighty thing that I’ve hardly ever worn that is like a baby doll dress, low cut lacy bra cups & just a black bottom – I think I bought this nightie thing for Cruise/Cruise#2. I decide to put a bra on too so that I feel like my boobs aren’t sagging.

I invite Irish in & we go straight to my bedroom, he sits on the side edge of my bed telling me about his knee surgery. I think how is this guy going to have sex, he still had bandages on. He tells me how much he likes what I’m wearing & he doesn’t try to undress me, it’s hot & it gives me more confidence as I’m less self conscious especially being on top because of his knees, about how my body looks because he can’t see my imperfections, my thighs or tummy, so I can push him down & have sex my way, I take charge & feel amazing. It’s probably the best I’d ever been (up until that point at least) in bed, because usually I am so concerned about how I look that I don’t often offer to get on top.

Irish

A few weeks later Irish texts me again to try & catch up telling me how good the sex was, I agree with him but for some reason I never see him again, I can’t actually remember what happened with this guy, but I never saw him again… This is why I needed a blog few years ago!

#IBD4U

Bonus post: FAQ’s

I’ve been asked a a few times why my blog is called “I’ve Been Dating For You”

IBDFU Logo File

It’s a play on words of “I’ve been waiting for you” & I just thought it was funny!

I also get asked a lot how old these stories are. I don’t post as I am dating these guys, mainly because I want to live in the moment & enjoy it but also because I never know what might happen. Many of these stories are quite some time ago, some more recent, they aren’t in any particular order but I do try to keep the time line straight. Especially when posting multiple stories about a guy & when they intertwine with other stories (When I’m trying to juggle men). But rest assured, I do have enough stories over the last decade to keep this blog alive!

I am currently busily writing about the last few years plus still dating to ensure the survival of the blog & find my retard in tin foil but if I do say so myself, my life does get a little juicer as I get older. (They don’t call it dirty thirties for nothing!) So stay tuned, but read at your own risk of knowing too much about me!

I started writing because so many people told me too but I also felt a little alone in my dating life. Pretty much all of my friends have partners & the single ones don’t seem to have the same experiences I do. But I thought, I surely can’t be alone in this. So I started writing, then finally posting them & now the feedback I get is how relatable it is to people. So if I can make even one person not feel alone in their dating journey, then I feel successful.

I believe with the title, this blog may live on also post dating life, if & when I do get a partner. I can discuss my relationship rather than all the douches that I keep meeting & dating. I’m not an expert but I like to think that I am not the only one going through these type of things, so this is about being honest with you all & making sure no one feels alone!

I hope that one day I can actually be hugging a beautiful man, inside & out, that I genuinely think “Wow! I’ve been waiting for this guy, I’ve dated all these shit guys, so I can appreciate what I have in front of me” & I will look deep in his eyes & say “I’ve been dating for you.” then we kiss & the movie credits roll…

Oh whoops.

Sorry, forgot this isn’t a rom com!

#IBD4U

Speed Dating #2

Why oh why did I say yes to going to speed dating again? I am a sucker for punishment, that’s why! Although this time I am a different person, I am totally over my ex, I am on this casual sex dating path that is making me more confident with men & I’m not as shy as I was when I first meet them, plus I’m in a better place with my body image, coming to terms with how I look, so maybe this time might be different.

I’m with a gorgeous skinny friend, so I don’t feel that great about myself with her, but I go anyway I talk to the guys in my usual manner, but as soon as I mention my job title (my real job) I get a few reactions that don’t invite a lasting relationship. One guy reads my palm and tells me something which fingers I wear my rings on, that each has a significant meaning, he was a tripper.

speed dating #2

I had an ok time to be honest, but I knew that the next day my friend would end up with more matches than me & I would feel shit about myself again! Plus a few of the guys & girls ended up hanging around the bar after it was over, we had to go shortly after but they were all still kicking on & I reckon there would’ve been some hook ups that night, therefore if they did match you on the card they probably wouldn’t email you the next day anyway because the’d already found someone.

Waiting for that dreaded email, I don’t even want to know how many matches my friend got, I know it’ll be more than me & it was, I think I got four or five while she got eleven! However I didn’t bother to contact any of them & they didn’t contact me either, so it was a complete waste of time, however I had a fun night out with a friend so that’s all that matters I guess.

My friend went out a date with two or three of them, falling hard for one guy who ended up being a player & wouldn’t ever text her back or waiting ages to finally respond, so she just let that one go. Finally she went on online dating too, she’s now happy with a guy she’s known for a few weeks, they are officially an item! (Update: they have a house & are engaged) I don’t understand how she does it, I know she puts herself out there more than me but she was online dating for like a month & went out with two guys & fell in love with the second one!

The moral of the speed dating story is DON’T BOTHER! No, honestly I think it works for some people, people who make a good first impression or aren’t uncomfortable with that first meeting would do well at speed dating. I’m more the type of girl you need to get to know because I come across shy at first but then once you know me, you’d say that’s absolute bullshit!

#IBD4U

Rotisserie Chicken

New Years Eve plans were to go to a friends house for drinks with a bunch of couples! WHOO HOO! There would be no random hook up, there would be no midnight kiss, there will be no semi-flirtatious banter with a cute single guy (who will probably end up with someone else anyway) & there would be no love story starting in the new year for me.

So I searched online to find someone to hook up with before I went out, Rotisserie Chicken was available, cute & we exchanged phone numbers. We were texting for a bit & I stressed the urgency of his visit since I was getting picked up at 6:00pm, however I told him it was actually 5:00pm so I would have time to get ready again.

He said he’d bring some drinks over, so brought a can or two of something & we just stood in my kitchen & talked. He looked out into my backyard & talked about bullshit, I don’t really remember how but we ended up in my lounge room, standing by the TV cabinet & I saw the clock & thought this is going to have to happen soon or it won’t happen at all. So I stood on my tippy toes (cos I’m short!) & kissed him.

He kisses me back & I lead him into my bedroom undressing as we go. We have sex but it’s not that good, he changes positions so often that it means that I am never going to get to climax, it never gets close to feeling good before he turns me a little bit, he pounds me a few more times then turns me again. I’m sure you’ve all had sex like this before, it has the potential to be good but it never gets there. I feel like I am spinning like a rotisserie chicken in the oven, getting hot but never achieving anything else.

Once he’s done, we just get up & get dressed. I know I am never going to see him again but he talks about texting me tomorrow to catch up. I say yeah, thinking I’ll never hear from him again. Which is exactly how this story ends. I don’t text him either, but with bad sex the first time, usually doesn’t get any better, no matter how hard you try.

Rotisserie Chicken

I’m not sure if I am happy I got a New Years Eve root or depressed that it was so bad & there was no way to erase it with another guy at the party. I settle for being happy that I had sex & try to forget that it wasn’t that good, I mean it certainly wasn’t the worst sex I’ve ever had but it was no where near even reasonable sex.

#IBD4U

Dating Sites

I never seem to use the name of the dating sites I use, I’m not sure why, I guess because they don’t pay me to advertise but also it’s kinda irrelevant what site I met all of these dip shits on, they are all the same in the end. But I want to talk about the options, what I’ve been on & how they work for those of you thinking about joining!

OASIS: Free site with app to like someone then chat to them if they like you back. It’s more about the profile & picture information, but you can opt not to have a picture & you can have very little information.

TINDER: Free superficial app, swipe left for no & swipe right for yes. Good thing is there are no dumb usernames because it links to Facebook. You can also superlike people by swiping up which means it’s not anonymous but then they at least know you like them & its not just wait until you die to find out that they never liked you!

BADOO: Is a paid site with app, which encompasses Oasis & Tinder, there is swiping left & right, but you can also chat to someone who is not your friend or accepted you at all. You can also see who is close to you, as in km’s away from you, which can be a bit creepy when they say, hey pop by.

POF: Paid app that I used years ago, but haven’t actually used since I started this blog, might have to reactivate an account & see what happens.

RSVP: I don’t know a great deal about RSVP anymore, it has probably changed so much since I used it. But I‘m sure people have success on it. Another option to check out in a few months when I am still single as the day I was born!

EHARMONY: Paid site with an app which I haven’t worked out the app at all & am not getting any regular matches even though I have paid for three months’ membership. Yet it doesn’t send matches ever & when it does they are always from interstate. Maybe there are no men left for me?

ZOOSK: A paid app that links to Facebook (a friend didn’t even know she had an account because of Facebook) but basically all the same people as the other apps.

CLOVER: Free app but I didn’t get it at all, but got one guy to chat to me, who I found on other apps, then didn’t talk to me on them once I deleted clover.

BUMBLE: Free app which is like Tinder to swipe left & right, only women have to start the conversations, men can’t even if they match with you.

Dating Sites

I’m not an expert & I have no idea what gets you more hits or likes that other profiles but I will offer some of my own advice (my pet peeves) to those thinking about starting an online profile:

  • Have a picture, a recent picture of your face, of just you, not all your mates (cos chances are I’ll like one of them better!), not your abs or shirtless or chicks with a duck face & tits out. Also don’t have five different pictures that all look like a different person. Remember you are only as good as your worst picture! (DEEP!)
  • Don’t bitch about how shit other users are on the site. Talk about yourself, your hobbies, you interests, use positive language, it’s your time to shine not bitch about how other users won’t write back when you to initiate a chat.
  • Don’t write that you won’t add someone if they don’t have a photo. Sure, have that policy but don’t advertise it. I mostly have that policy too but don’t have it written on your profile.
  • SPELL CHECK & correct grammar! I can pass by a few errors but not entire sentences on the profile. Chat mistakes are ok but not on your profile!
  • Do not use text speak ever on your profile, especially LOL
  • Don’t be too generic.
    • I prefer pubs not clubs
    • I like walks on the beach
    • I like to go out but also like to cuddle on the couch with a movie
    • Not looking for hookups (then proceed to only talk dirty to me)
    • I’m a nice guy/girl
  • In the what you’re looking for don’t write “someone who looks after themselves” I hate it, it could mean you won’t date someone who’s fat, it could mean you want them to be high maintenance – spray tan, fake nails, fake hair, always in high heels, anyway it’s just dumb, don’t say it.

That’s just my two cents worth, I don’t know what I am talking about clearly not an expert, but this is just my opinion & trust me I’ve dated so much & been online for so long that I think I could at least go Pro.

#IBD4U

Rimmer

“Would you rim me?”

“WTF is that?” I text back, completely perplexed & obviously a little naive back then.

“Doesn’t matter” So I google – good ol Urban Dictionary! “To lick someone’s anus with your tongue. Called ‘rimming’ because it’s done around the rim of the anus.” Why would a random guy I’ve never even met & I’m about to give my address to, to come over for a booty call, text & ask that, he said it doesn’t matter. Clearly it does otherwise he wouldn’t have asked. I’m not 100% sure I would want to do that, especially not with a random guy.

Is this something that men like? Is this something I would do, especially since this guy is potentially going to be a one night stand. I text this back to the guy & he assures me that it’s not going to be a one night stand, we’ll catch up again. I give him my address but that’s where things take a turn. Nothing he says is totally out of the ordinary or particularly horrible, but I just get a vibe from him that it was probably the best thing that my instincts are usually pretty good on these types of things.

He said “I’ll walk in & you suck my cock & then I’ll fuck you” & another text “I’ll finger your ass” then when he asked if “he could let himself in” I really started to get a bad vibe, as if I would just let this guy open my front door & walk in. Then he asked if I would “fuck without a condom” & then he built up the courage to ask if I would “lick his ass” & when I said no, he then said “cock straight in your mouth though? Will you answer naked/in underwear” that I said ‘I want casual sex, but I’m not a whore’ he said “Like we aren’t going to sit around and have a chat, you will open the door and lead me to the room & I’ll get my cock out”

I called it off with this guy, like I said it wasn’t anything terribly wrong with anything he said & yeah I wanted to have casual sex but it already makes me feel like a cheap whore that I don’t need him to vocalise to me that I am just three holes, which he would use as he saw fit, I do still want to be treated with a little bit of respect.

Rimmer

I was a bit worried I’d hear from him again or he’d just rock up at my house, that I said to him that it’s not a good idea & my roommate is finishing work & would be home soon anyway. I didn’t ever hear from him again & he didn’t come over to which I was thankful. Talking it through with my friend later, she told me I did make the right call, that I should trust my instincts. I just think some of these guys have read a little too much Fifty Shades of Grey or actually haven’t read it at all & just think that woman want someone to dominate them.

We do, but only if it’s Christian Grey!

#IBD4U

Construction

Construction came up on every site that I was on, he added me on one of the more obscure ones & we chatted for a fair bit because I had a few guys I was texting at the time that I thought I might like more or was further along in the process of hooking up so I just kept him in the background.

Eventually we swapped numbers & were texting late one night, when he asked to come over. I said sure that I was in bed in my pyjamas, he said he’d just wear footy shorts (not sure why he told me that).

We didn’t talk very long before we had sex, all I really remember talking about was how someone died on his worksite that week, he seemed to be a bit vague about it but he’s the one who brought it up. I think perhaps that he wants to get his mind off it & just have sex with someone. It was really vigorous sex & it was really good, I hadn’t had good sex since Willunga & had the horrible moment of Catastrophe still embedded in my head that I was desperate for some reasonable sex at least. I was becoming more comfortable with myself & knew that this was a one night stand that I took charge & instead of letting them always pick the position, I got us in the position I wanted to have sex that night. It was so vigorous that the condom broke, which is why I am lucky to be on other contraception but this was the first time ever in my life where the condom has ever broken. He even says ‘shit the condom broke, these ones are pretty shit with sex like that,’ I take that as a good thing, I reassure him that I’m on other contraception.

Weeks later I am relieved that I am not pregnant, not that I really thought I would be but there is always that thought in my head. & if I was, was Construction the one who impregnated me? How would I know for sure, I’d slept with a few guys recently & even though I’m usually very careful, you just never know. Imagine that conversation with your parents:

“So I’m pregnant”

“Who’s the father?”

“Um… I’m not 100% sure”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“Well… Could be one of about five men I’ve slept with in the last few months.”

Yeah not looking forward to ever having that conversation at all, I think that’s the worst nightmare of someone doing the casual sex thing. & imagine what the conversations would be like with the guy!

“So I’m pregnant”

“Is it mine?”

“I’m not 100% sure… I think so!”

That’s not going to go well with a one night stand! I can imagine that they will deny it even if you say that you’ve not slept with anyone else.

Construction

Anyway Construction & I text a few times afterwards but we never catch up again, I don’t really know why, maybe when he said ‘sex like that’ it wasn’t a compliment? I’ve seen him online since then & he’s liked my profile but I have just said no. I’m sick of giving men second chances, I always end up being the one that feels like shit. It must be nice to be a guy sometimes, not getting emotionally attached to things & also not having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy with a random stranger!

#IBD4U

 

Bunk Bed

On the casual dating/sex journey, I was so honest about what I wanted with everyone that I talked to, so there was no confusion. If I invited them over, I expected to have sex with them,  which is why it surprised me slightly when a guy said ‘I want a connection with a girl before I sleep with them.’ I actually thought that’s ok, since this guy was working away in Port Pirie, sleeping in bunk beds, we chatting online every night for a little while before we swapped phone numbers.

When I invited him over one Sunday night, neither of us were free till later so he arrived at 10:30pm, we talked a bit on the couch, in the kitchen, but he made no moves what so ever to kiss me or anything. I just assumed that he didn’t feel the connection with me, even though he didn’t leave my house until 1:15am. I wondered if I had another ‘Pilot’ on my hands, too scared to make a move, yet seemed keen enough.

But the next day when I was online, so was he & he chatted to me first, asking how my days was etc. The next night the same, he initiated the conversation online & we chatted for a while, it was weird, either this guy was still working on the connection or he was the master of mixed messages.

It was probably a week later that I finally asked if he was keen to catch up again to which he said he was & was away for work this week so could do later in the week, which I said worked well as I was only free Thursday. All seemed to be going ahead for a catch up, I’d suggested a movie at my place, but by Wednesday he said he’d let me know as he had to drop his car off to get serviced.  Thursday night at 11:00pm, I log online, he’s online & he immediately starts chatting to me telling me he was going to text but didn’t because he fell asleep.

Bunk Bed.png

As much as I thought he was way better looking in real life & he was the perfect guy on my stupid imaginary checklist of all the things I want in a boyfriend, I don’t speak to him again & a few days later I delete my online account, I don’t want to get tied up in bullshit of a guy I’m not supposed to like, I am on this casual dating quest not looking for a boyfriend, or in my case a boy who I want to be my boyfriend but continually stuffs me around until I am a crying mess or worse unable to get my tear ducts to work at all.

I really don’t understand how this casual sex thing is way harder than actually dating a guy, I am honest & up front about what I want, ‘something casual, maybe regular’ yet somehow I still am only having one night stands, or worse not even getting a kiss!

#IBD4U

 

Cruise #2

To my surprise, 7:00am I hear my phone bing as we must be back in Australia & I have a friend request on Facebook from Cruise inc a message, since he doesn’t have my phone number yet. I reply back but as we’re doing a Sydney tour & flying home, I don’t talk to him much more that day, but when I am getting into bed, I send him a text with three things that I am grateful for (one of the little jokes we did, a couple on the cruise told everyone that they always went to bed saying three things they are grateful for, we did it after we had sex as a joke).

We texted a fair bit, he’d send me picture quotes every morning with a hello (including one about how distance doesn’t matter if you really like someone) & I was surprised when he called me for the first time, asking when I was coming to Canberra to see him, I wanted to go, but I was really trying to focus on getting myself out of debt, I suggested he come to Adelaide & he said he would, but he couldn’t leave Canberra for about 8-9 weeks while his dad was away because he couldn’t leave his mum, that’s when alarm bells started to ring as I figured, even though it

was supremely early to think this, but he would never move to Adelaide if he couldn’t leave his mum while his dad was away. But he did a good job of keeping in contact with me, calling me weekly on a Sunday & we text through the week too, but there was always something missing, I wasn’t 100% invested in this guy because I felt like if he wanted to see me, then he would take a weekend off & come see me. Maybe he thought the same thing of me too?

Finally it was the week before he said he was coming, when he finally told me he booked flights in at 9:00am Friday & out at 7:00pm Sunday. I said I’d try to get Friday off work, which was easy enough, but then he decides that he was to do an “Adelaide tour“, which again alarm bells go off, it made me think that he was never coming back to Adelaide & why wouldn’t he want to spend an extra day with me?

We met after the tour for lunch in the city, things went ok, we talked & held hands as we walked through the shops in the city then went for a walk down at Glenelg, before we finally went back to my house, where we had sex twice then went out for dinner. The next day he suggested a movie & some shopping, which I thought was ok, but was disappointed I wasn’t going to show him much of Adelaide. We then went out to see the Adelaide zombie walk after dinner. We had sex once on Saturday night & then he suggested that we go to town to lunch on Sunday & he would catch a cab to the airport as his flight leaves at 3:00pm. I suggested that we go to Glenelg for lunch & I could drop him at the airport, however when we get to the airport, he can’t find his bag, he’s lost his bag! So I suggest he calls the restaurant & I can take him back there to pick it up. By the time we leave the airport & get back to the restaurant it’s 4:00pm, he tells me ‘he has some time, its ok, his flight isn’t till later’ Yeah, I know 7:00pm!

Cruise #2

 

I’m not sure why he lied about his flight times, I guess he wasn’t having a good time, but he didn’t seem to want to do anything but go shopping, we texted a few times but I ended up asking if he wanted to be friends & he said yes it’s probably for the best with the distance. –I guess you just don’t like me enough to not worry about the distance after all!

UPDATE: We’re still friends on FB & he messages me from time to time, nothing exciting but mainly to tell me how good I look now I’ve lost more weight.

#IBD4U

Willunga

WOW! Yep, that’s how this story starts, without a doubt this guy was (at that time) the best sex of my entire life. Now I haven’t slept with bucket loads of people (despite what it may seem like though out this blog!) but I have a few notches on my bed post. Willunga was the first casual dating experience, we texted a bit & when he started texting asking me for my photo I was reluctant to send it on, but he said he deleted his online account. When I sent my picture from my online account through he eagerly text back ‘Your Hot!” quickly followed by “You can have me if you want me’ but he said he hadn’t done this type of thing before but would be keen to give it a go. I should go easy on him as he might be a bit shy to start with. I said that’s ok, let’s just have a drink or two & see what happens.

Its midnight when I get home a work function & he comes over shortly after, it’s a bit awkward & I offer him a drink & we sit in the lounge room just chatting, he tells me I’m much better looking in real life & that he likes what I’m wearing. I’ve never done this type of thing either & wonder how we’ll go from sitting on the couch to having sex. I didn’t expect that when I got up for a glass of water that he would follow & kiss me, man what a  good kisser he was… plus he told me what a good kisser I am that I lead him straight to my bedroom.

Willunga was quite open asking me if his cock was ok, because he’s not slept with that many women before & that he doesn’t think he’ll get enough of me, can he crash the night. After that sex, yes you can stay because we’re going to do that again! We wake up a few times through the night & have sex before he heads off in the morning about 8:30am.

The next night I go out to dinner with my friend who I’ve been talking to a lot about this casual dating thing & she said “Ooooh be careful, he sounds nice & like someone you could fall for, I think you need to line up another guy ASAP” – which is where Catastrophe fits in. (coming soon!) A few days goes by, my friend also advise that I should text him, we text a few times, but we can’t seem to set up another date. I keep leaving it with ‘let me know when you’re free’ but I never seem to get a date locked in.

I set up another online account & he comes up as a potential match too, I think maybe I’ll swipe right just to see if he’s swiped right, which he obviously had because we came up as a match, however he deleted me before we got to chat.

Willunga.jpg

Almost two months go by & I didn’t stop thinking about the sex we had (even though I’ve had sex with other people) when he starts texting me, saying he’s not sure why he text but asked if I had a good time when we did catch up, he was out drinking, so I said stay sober tomorrow & come over, he said he would. But when I text to ask if he was sober, he said he wasn’t & was with friends. I said that’s ok; just let me know when you are sober. He might of got offended as he said “I’m not a drunk.” I replied that I never said he was. I tried the next night for the third & final time to catch up before New Year’s but he was going away so I am leaving that one alone! Damn Shame though, he really was good! Perhaps I should have told him how good the sex was?

#IBD4U

Catastrophe

As I get more & more jaded from meeting bloke after bloke who seem all interested, I then finally get interested in them & then they just stop calling or replying to me. So I thought I’d try the casual dating thing for a while – Definition: no strings attached sex.

To be honest, I thought it would be a lot easier, however it is a lot harder than you may think, not only am I busy, but of course he has a life too, so trying to arrange a time that both of you are free is quite difficult. So when this guy started chatting to me one Saturday night & asked if I am spontaneous I thought “yes I am, the new casual me is spontaneous” we swapped numbers & I text him just before 10:00pm, he said he was going to jump in the shower & would be at my house soon, being that he only lives 15-20 mins away, I brush my teeth & put on some mascara for my second ever casual encounter.

One hour later, I get a text asking if I’m still awake, I reply yes. Another hour goes by & he starts texting that he went to the petrol station but left his wallet at home so had to go home & get it, but he would drive fast to get here. Another 30 minutes go by & it’s almost 12:30am by this stage, I text & say I’m going to sleep, he hurriedly replies saying he passed my exit & now didn’t know where he was. I said get off at the next exit & turn your GPS on. Another half an hour goes by, still nothing. He starts texting quickly one or two words to say he’s lost but still on his way. Another half an hour goes by, so by this time it’s 1:30am, I’ve been sitting around for three & a half hours waiting for this guy, even when he finally texts to say he’s parked across the street, it takes him another four minutes to text he’s at my front door. The joke of this story is, that this isn’t the catastrophe part!

Because I’m already in bed, having waited so long, he sits on the end of my bed & he talks a fair bit, not letting me say anything, he mentions how fast my ceiling fan spins & how big my king sized bed is, even stretching out to measure it against his height, but the real ‘high’ point was when he starts telling a story about how Monarto zoo, ran out of water. Of course I was surprised at the topic of conversation, when he was supposed to be here for a quickie,but also when I asked what about the animals & he said it was the gift shop bottled water, but it was a catastrophe! I laughed out loud at how running out of bottled water in the gift shop could be defined as a catastrophe, to me a catastrophe would be a bushfire at Monarto zoo with no running water at all. So as he realises that he’s just dribbling shit, he rolls over to kiss me.

After not even pulling down his pants, just flopps out over the top, I ‘enjoyed’ six minutes of dissatisfaction before he was finished & said he was getting frost bite from my ceiling fan, he then goes to the bathroom & weighed himself on my scales, I’m still not even sure why. Seems like the weirdest thing to do at a random person’s house!

Catastrophe

I did get a text from him a week later, but I ignored it. There was no way I was waiting another 3 & a half hours for the shittest six minutes of sex ever.

 

#IBD4U

Vesty

Let’s go out dancing, she said, just a few drinks, she said, a quiet night out, she said. Famous last words! We drank glass after glass of wine, we danced dance after dance to the craziest DJ I have ever seen, he played ‘Paradise City’ by Guns & Roses, standing on the window sill hitting his chest, then at the request of my friend he played Barry Manilow. It was a crazy  crazy night. My friend had gone outside to kiss a boy she’d hooked up with & I sat inside with the crazy DJ as the place cleared out.

I think I fell off my chair & my friend started drinking someone’s beer they left on the table, somehow out of nowhere Vesty appears & we start kissing, then the ‘ugly’ lights come on, all the while I’m still kissing this guy. The bouncers kick everyone out & I’m in the street kissing this guy, he apparently asks to take me home, which I agree, putting my friend into a taxi on her own. WTF?

Vesty & I get back to his place, he’s got not taxi money, so I have to pay for it, lucky it was only $15, but I was pissed. I don’t know a lot about that evening, but I must have had enough sense to take off my earrings, necklace & sockettes & put them in my handbag before getting busy with this guy I don’t even know his name, yet I remember asking him many times if he knew what my name was. Again WTF?

Vesty was quite good in bed, up until then I would have put him in the top two, now he’s probably slipped to top five, however I thought this could be the start of my ‘fuck buddy’ roster but as I woke up hungover & soberish, I hear my phone ping with a text, it’s Cruise! I had drunk texted him last night while a song from the cruise was on, I rolled over & looked at Vesty, he is a good fuck but it so not boyfriend material, I look around his room, this is a teenage boys room, the bathroom of this share house is disgusting, like no one has cleaned it ever, I feel like I should be in my early 20’s, apparently this boy was 31. Cruise really could be a boyfriend, I didn’t want to ruin things with him and so I decide then that I will not to ask for Vesty’s number, I don’t know what I will do if he asks for mine.

I text my friend from last night asking where the hell am I & who is this boy I’m in bed with, she writes back his name & suburb! Wow what a good friend for getting all that off him before I leave her to go home with a random guy.

Vesty.jpg

I wake him up to take me back to my friend’s house, which he reluctantly agrees too (I wondered if I was going to have a moment like Travel Agent!) I don’t know if I should lean in & kiss him goodbye but I don’t & as I get out of the car he does the Shooter McGavin fingers to me & says my name, proud that he’s remembered it & I get out, scurrying inside to my friend’s house hoping that her mum isn’t there, while I do the walk of shame.

#IBD4U

Cruise

Meeting someone on the second to last night of the cruise I went on, was not at all what I expected, especially since I hadn’t even seen this guy around the ship at all, other people you just constantly bump into. I was happily sitting in the ‘nightclub’ having a few drinks with my travel buddy when a very drunk guy asks if he could sit down. I said yes, not really interested in him but we chatted as much as you can with someone so drunk you can’t understand their words. His friend came & sat with my friend & they started talking. When the guy next to me got up & left, probably because I wasn’t talking to him so I turned to talk to my friend & the other guy “Cruise”.

When Cruise got up out of his seat & came & sat next to me, my friend must have gotten a little pissed off. Cruise asked if we wanted a drink, while he was at the bar my friend turns to me & says “I’m going to go back to the room” of course I was a little pissed off myself as this guy was at the bar getting me a wine, I hope it doesn’t look like to him that I asked her to go.

After she left, he came to sit next to me on the couch, where he put his arm around me telling me all about his room, he & his mate had a balcony suite, which I really wanted to see because I was interested in the different between our porthole window. He kissed me on the couch, it was a good kiss & I wanted more. I’m not even sure how we got back to his room but his friend & his mattress were missing! We searched the room & found him on the balcony, asleep on his mattress! He so could have fallen overboard, but it was so funny. I locked the balcony door (including locking his mate outside) & Cruise pounced, however neither of us had a condom so we didn’t do anything. –This was becoming a thing for me! Cruise asked his balcony sleeping friend, but he also didn’t have any either.

The next day, reading in the kid freebar, I forgot my reading glasses & so I go for a walk back to the room to get them but I bump into Cruise, which is bizarre since I’d not seen him once before & this was the last night on board, I took him back to my room with me & we kissed but there was no point getting excited since neither of us had a condom. 20 minutes later, I say I better get back to my friend, which he comes to say hello, then leaves for a nap.

Cruise

Later than night, we bump into each other again, (what are the odds!) he buys me some drinks & whispers in my ear “I’ve rectified the situation we had last night if you are interested” of course I was, but how will we ditch our friends? Somehow his friend disappears again & mine retreats back to our room, therefore we again have nowhere to go.

We kiss for a bit at the bar but we go back to his room & we find his friend snoring his head off in bed, my heart sinks, I turn & say “we’re just going to have to do it on the balcony” I sit out on the balcony as he goes to the bathroom & when he pops his head back out he says “we’ve got 30 minutes,” I crack up laughing but step inside & his friend is walking out the door. ‘How romantic’ I say, he open the curtains of the room & turns off the light so we have moonlight streaming in & he asks if that’s romantic enough. It’ll have to do, we’ve only got 28 minutes now!

We have pretty good sex for being on a time limit, I think I’m still putting on my clothes with his friend comes back in asking how it was! Cruise walks me back to my room & asks for my phone where he puts in his phone number & email address, but I don’t think there will be much future to it as he’s from Canberra!

#IBD4U

Maloo

Have you ever had the sweetest guy ever, that wants to date you but for you there is no attraction at all? No matter how many times he tells you how gorgeous you are & how many times you end up kissing him, there is still no attraction for you. However he’s on the backburner all the time because after all the shit you’ve been though with guys that you are attracted too, he’s there to pump you up & make you feel good about yourself.

Maloo always seems to know when I am down in the dumps & will message me, or make sure I know I am gorgeous. He’s like the perfect guy, just not in the wrapping that I want, which sound superficial, but he’s just not my type. I wish on so many occasions that I felt something for him, he always picked me up from events when I drunk text him.

Even if I post on Facebook that I am home alone just drinking, he would just pop over. He’s not really a stalker but he did always come over without asking & would just show up whenever I was feeling shit or some guy had screwed me over.

One night I text him after my four-year drought of sex & ask him to just come over, for no string attached, sex with me. He agreed & he comes over as he always would but when we started kissing, I tried, foolishly to get him to have sex with me but he wouldn’t. I was so drunk having been out with my family all night but never could get him to put on a condom & have sex with me. I don’t really remember what happened with him that night but we watch Entourage & he leaves.

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Weeks, maybe months later I am drunk & stuck at a local pub with a friend when he is texting me, I tell him which pub I’m at & he randomly rocks up. He drives me & my friend home to my house, she goes into bed, I stay outside talking to him. I ask him why he didn’t have sex with me that night because it made me feel so shit. At that point in my life I’d never ever been so blatant with a guy that I just wanted casual sex.

Nothing ever happens with him, I blame the fact that he has a black ute not a green one which he knows isn’t true, but we both know that there is no chemistry there for me. We lose contact a bit, which gives him a small chance to move on, which he does. He finds a girlfriend & she’s pretty, they seem to get serious.

One night we’re texting & he comes to pick me up from wherever I am, drunk, again! We go for a drive & end up at the beach sitting in his car. When he kisses me I am at a low point in my life & kiss him back for a while. It’s the first & only time I’ve ever kissed a guy I knew was in a relationship. I hate myself for it & I stop all contact with him as much as I can, I cannot believe that I have done it. It’s by far the worst thing I had ever done.

#IBD4U