Milky #2

After the night at his house, where I got really drunk & fell off his bed, (much to his delight & he reminded me often), we text lots but I get sick with tonsillitis & so I don’t see him that weekend, but we chat about how hilarious it was for him to mix wine & vodka, me falling off the bed & some other cocktail that he made that reminded me of the smell of fly spray, he said he wanted to get me drunk again, I said be careful what you wish for, next minute he’s revealing that his three wishes would include some rope, handcuffs & a vibrator.

As we explore this line of conversation I realise that he is into a bit of BDSM, so far I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve done, including him spanking my ass, standing up to have sex & him pulling my ponytail but I tell him that I’ve never been tied up before but don’t mind being pinned down with my arms above my head. He says he’ll have to show me his toys sometime. I say that I need to trust the person before I let them tie me to something, he agrees & says that just think of a “casual thing like trusting a friend.” My heart sinks, I’ve been building this thing up to a bloody full blown relationship. I wanted casual, I’m sure that’s what I would’ve said to him, he gave it to me & now I’m wanting more. What is wrong with me?

We work out for him to come to my house the next week & he says he’ll bring some toys, I agree thinking that it might be interesting & something that I enjoy since he’s been the only guy to ever make me cum by just playing with my nipples (yes that’s a thing!), I figure that whatever we do will be just as good & if I don’t like it I can just tell him & if I don’t want to, I never have to see him again anyway, right?

I decide to read a book on kink to make sure I know what I’m in for, not just a apparently lewd love story version like Fifty Shades of Grey (which I did enjoy nonetheless!). I read ‘SM 101 – a realistic introduction’ & I’m not sure if it makes things worse. It talks about trust quite a lot, because this person could just tie you up & torture you to death (great thanks for that thought!) so I think I freaked myself out a bit. However the book is mainly about Dominant/submissive relationships, which I don’t think I’d be cut out for, I couldn’t look down all the time or only refer to a partner as master.

But next time Milky comes over, he pulls out a rope, paddle & a butt plug & says he’s thinking he could tie me to my pergola or my ottoman, I say I’m not ready to be tied to something yet, so he just packs it all away & he kisses me & we just have some kinky moments (look away mum!) where he makes me cum standing up with his finger in my ass but then vanilla sex. Yet he never uses any of his toys that night.

For those of you who have read fifty shades of grey, you can see how this story is turning more & more like it (without the hot millionaire) & to make this even more lifelike, one of my best friends met a guy online just before Christmas (at this point, I’d been sleeping with Milky for about 2 months, semi regularly) then after New Years they become boyfriend & girlfriend, yet here I am discussing if I want to be tied to my pergola or not…

#IBD4U