Tag: Date

Noodle & I decide that we need to meet… We talk about it a lot but he keeps putting it off, I don’t know why I force the issue, but I am the one that wants to the most… He seems super keen, but I don’t know what the barrier is. Even though I know that I said I’d never meet him & we had only planned on being friends (online friends) – that was 100% true, however I am feeling something that I’ve never felt before with a guy online. At this point we’ve been talking every day, yes every single day (as per the agreement) for almost 2 months – 60 days – all day & night when he can. I talk to him about everything, he’s actually has already become a really good friend, I obviously talk to him more than I talk to my real life friends… He sticks up for me in the chat groups when guys are douchey, we only seem to chat in the groups when we are both present – it’s bit of an unspoken rule, I guess.

I’m always waiting around for him to come back online, I go home from work, go to the gym, quickly shower then am in bed ready to chat the evening away with him when she goes to bed. Sometimes we do chat when the other is offline, but we are always private chatting the whole time we’re both online. He makes it known without actually saying it, that he knows details about me that no one else would know in the groups, I can tell that he likes to slip in these type of details every now & then – I actually like it because it shows me that he’s paid attention to what I’ve said to him.

It’s very early on that he gets his nickname from me ‘Noodle’ that spreads like wildfire across the groups, soon, everyone is calling him Noodle & me affectionately shortening it to Noo Noo. He says that he hates it, but I know that he secretly loves it & it makes him feel special. I want to make him feel special, fuck where did that come from?

We’re still being private about a lot of stuff with each other though, like he won’t tell me where he works but I know its a retail store but he won’t tell me what suburb, but I know it’s fairly close to my house. We don’t share our last names either, but I’ve told him my first name. His first name is on the app, but I use a pseudonym as my name is very unusual, so I don’t give it out often, I’d be easily stalked. It’s also interesting that I’ve talked to him about all the guys I happen to be fucking at the moment – I believe there are 4 currently in the rotation, Max, Milky, Elvis & Origin, plus I’m chatting to Dom, among other men but not once do Noodle & I sext.

I ask him what his partner would do to him, if she found out about me, when he meets me. He firstly says that she’ll never find out, but I tell him not to be so naïve, she already suspects something, she just can’t prove it. He says that he’s learned from his mistakes so she won’t find out this time. But he tells me that she’d ‘cut his balls off & leave him’ (I don’t blame her!) but he’d also said that she’d go nuts & would fight me. Really? Like an old school scrag fight in a nightclub? I ask ‘why are you telling this to someone that you’re trying to get to fuck you?’ He told me she’d fought people before in bars when she was younger… OMG. Ok. Yes. So exactly like an old school scrag fight in a nightclub. Very mature. I ask how old she is & he says she just turned 29. Right. I can’t say I have ever gotten into an actual fist fight with any one, I’ve stopped fights of boys but never been involved.

Somehow I find myself liking this guy more than I bloody well should. I want to meet him, I want to see if the chemistry online translates to real life. In my experience it never usually does, so I’m thinking that we will meet & that will be it – just another 2 months of my life wasted messaging someone daily like a crazed person, to find out they are a wanker in real life. I mean this is a waste of time anyway, he’s already picked out his wife! (I really need to keep telling myself that!)We decide to meet for a lunch. I’m on holidays & he still won’t tell me which store he works at so I just guess, he’s told me that its not the closest one to me in my suburb, but won’t tell me which one it is. I pick a café near where I think he works. It’s almost Easter so he says he can get away by doing a delivery to another store of stock as they are closing down his store – I guessed the store wrong, apparently. I have the same conversation with him about what to do when we meet, that I had with Origin, kiss on the cheek, shake hands, what? We decide a kiss on the cheek.

I spend all morning getting ready, trying not to try too hard, picking out a casual yet cute outfit, getting my hair & makeup just right so it’s not too over the top – not that I wear a lot of makeup anyway. He’s seen many many many pictures of me, but it’s different in real life. I’ve seen pictures of him too… My heart is pumping when I get out the car & I see him. He’s leaning against a street pole playing with his phone – probably chatting in the group, in his work uniform, when I walk up he looks up & our eyes meet, he smiles a cheeky smile, so do I… He’s really not the type that I would usually go for, I mean I definitely like his pictures, I think he’s hot AF, of course, but usually not the type I go for that’s all. He’s so tall, over 6 foot & well-built, nice shoulders with a full trimmed beard, very neat haircut, very short on the sides & longer on top that he styles with lots of gel – bit old school but it suits him. I usually hate beards, but I was attracted to him instantly online, so maybe I do like beards. Hahaha. He has piercing brown eyes that I can’t seem to look away from…

We kiss on the cheek as we say hello (as discussed), he has to bend down & I have to go on my tippy toes (Remember I’m short!). I can tell it’s weird for him, probably hasn’t been on proper a date for 10 years. It’s weird for me, I haven’t actually ever met a man who doesn’t have permission before. I usually don’t even talk to them when I find out they aren’t single. Dom being the exception to that… I still am questioning why I’m meeting Noodle right now. But I figure this will be enough to freak him out, since I’m the first woman he’s ever met & we’ll be done after this, the usual ghosting manoeuvre.

We walk into this healthy café we agreed to go to, (we’re both on healthy eating lifestyles – he wants to loose weight for his brothers wedding & I just want to be healthy!) it has all these acai berry smoothie bowls & quinoa salads, we both look at the menu & then at each other, without words, when our eyes meet, I can tell that he doesn’t like anything on the menu either. We walk out the door without saying anything & find another café. We’re weirdly in sync. Shit! Fuck! Damn! We order our food (the same dish ironically, besides he has pepsi max, I have water) & sit down at a small table of the hipster cafe. He can barely fit his long legs in. The conversation flows easily, admittedly it’s a lot about food or the people on the chat app, because that’s the main thing we have in common, but it’s never awkward. He easy to talk to as he is online, the banter & jokes are all still there.

I feel it…

Fuck! I feel it. I feel the chemistry crackle between us. We make eye contact more than I ever have with a date, we never actually touch but I have to resist the urge to reach out & run my fingers through his hair or even rub his arm – I wouldn’t even do that with Boyfriend, I’m not sure why I want to do with him. I want to kiss him… Errr WTF? I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly! We eat lunch, while having the normal conversation, I am thinking impure thoughts about things I want to do with him – especially with my new found kinky side that I want to explore & I know Noodle hasn’t experienced anything kinky at all, besides handcuffs.

We’re there longer than it feels – it felt so short, I offer him the rest of my lunch which he eats too & I’m almost trying to find ways to get this guy to stay & not go back to work. I can’t believe how easy this is. Is he feeling it too?

He kisses me on the cheek goodbye & shakes my hand as a joke from me asking how we were going to say hello & me telling him that’s what Max did. The brief moment his hand takes mine is electric, it’s the first real touch we’ve had besides the kiss on the cheek, but my hand in his, feels right. I feel it travel up my arm & somehow down to my clit. My senses heighten as I smell his after shave, his lips on my cheek make my cheek tingle. Its sensory overload. It’s all in slow motion like a movie or something. While I’ve been having a lot of sex with different men lately & I can apparently have any man I want, my only thoughts now, are that I want to cum for this man & I want him to feel it… I want him to have an amazing sexual experience with me, even if it’s just once. I don’t know why but I want to be the one that he cheats with. (I’m so against cheating!) but I want it, with him.

I get into my car thinking ‘fuckity, fuck… I’m fucked.’

#IBD4U

I admit to Elvis that the one thing I know I am bad at is making the first move. He says “Finally something I’m good at! haha” He says he likes flirting & can be good at that part. Well that works for me, I am so bad at reading signs from men, I have no idea if they are interested in me or not. I figure if they don’t make a move, they aren’t interested!

He tells me that he has a foot fetish & that he likes feet, I don’t really have that same fetish, but if a guy wants to rub my feet, I am not going to say no! Hahaha. He thinks it’s a weird fetish, but I mean I like pain, so think that’s a fuck load weirder than liking feet!

One night he tells me that he’s watching porn with pinwheels & canes, branching out to new videos that he’s not used too because he doesn’t want to go into this with me without a little knowledge, I think that’s so bloody cute! He says he watched a chick tied up on all fours with a pinwheel & lots of ass play, I ask if he’d like that done to him or if he likes to do it to someone, but he says that he’d prefer to do it to me. I say I’m not sure about rope but he says that he can’t tie knots – lots of guys seem to have that issue.

I tell him about my very first 3sum & explain how hard I found it to finger her as it’s such a different angle. We talk for a little bit about the 3sum then he stops replying. I don’t think much of it. Most guys really can’t handle hearing about you being with other men. The night after the 3sum, I am invited to a BBQ at my friend’s house. I go there all the time, her boyfriend says his friends are coming over, that Elvis will be there… at this point, I have no idea who Elvis is, I only know his real name from Facebook. So when Elvis rocks up & it’s the dude I’ve been sharing my deepest darkest sexual secrets with, it’s a bit fucking weird, to see him face to face in a friends environment, especially since he & I are the only friends invited to the BBQ. After the BBQ I am heading home, I’m asked to drop my friend’s boyfriend & Elvis & one of the kids off somewhere, & they both make Elvis sit in the front.

I message him on the Tuesday after saying that I’m sorry if it was awkward & if I knew who Elvis was, I would have warned him that I was going to be there. He says It’s all good, but again doesn’t seem that keen to chat, so I just say if he ever wants to catch up that he just needs to let me know. He responds with ‘yeah we’re going to have to soon I think aye’ but when I try to set up a time, he says this is the part that he’s bad at, that he always tries to make an excuse & find a way out.

When he messages me the night before we’re supposed to catch up to say that he’s got his mates birthday, I actually ask if that’s an excuse or if he actually has to bail. Finally putting my mind at ease he tells me that he wants to reschedule. But on the night of the proposed catch up, he messages to say that his plans have been cancelled & he’s free to catch up. I am out for dinner with friends but think why not. I shouldn’t be so easy but am intrigued by this guy.

He finally comes over after taking a while to get to my house. He’s a smoker so we sit outside just chatting having a few drinks. We chat a lot, it’s quite good, he is very attractive, so I’m acting like a douchebag, when he asks if he can kiss me… I giggle like a school girl & sort of say yes, leaning into him a bit so he could kiss me. We kiss outside for a while, he’s a good kisser definitely, then I suggest moving it into the bedroom, knowing that this is where he get nervous. We get naked while kissing & touching each other, before I show him some toys that we’d been talking about. I tie myself up to my X restraints guiding him how to use the toys. I am not one to top from the bottom but I need to guide this guy, he has potential to be a good Dominant guy for me. I don’t really want to training someone what to do but I think that he has the makings of a Dominant, he’s just never had a chick to do it with.

He runs the waternberg pinwheel up & down the back of my body between hits with the flogger. I can tell that he’s enjoying it because he tells me he likes the sounds I’m making & that he likes to watch me squirm – he hits me for a long time, over & over… It feels so good… Once we have had enough teasing, we have sex, which is pretty good, he’s very cute & attractive – I won’t mind this being a regular thing.

I fall asleep instantly once we’re done, but am woken up by him about 5:00 am or so, thinking he wants round 2, he says that he can’t sleep & wants to go home. I think he’s been lying there wanting to go, but can’t because I told him, this big long story about leaving straight after sex… I feel so bad. He messages me the next day around lunchtime saying sorry for having to go home, I feel bad for making him think he had to stay, but I also tell him that I can barely sit down, he apologises, but I tell him I like it!

I message a few days later but get nothing back, I have other men on the go, so I try not to think too much of it, when he messages me to tell me he’s had no data to message via facebook & gives me his number.

We try to arrange another time to catch up but I get sick with tonsillitis & don’t want to get him sick, he says that he doesn’t want to get sick either, fair enough… He tells me that he can’t stop thinking about the other night & loved every minute of it.

I try to see him a week later, but he’s in Victoria seeing his family, when he’s back I’m away for work… We send random snapchats to each other & chat a bit but we don’t chat about catch up again. If you leave it too long, you loose momentum. We chat again a month later but I am sick again – why am I so sick when he’s free… He then likes my online dating profile & I think what the actual fuck, he hasn’t chatted to me regularly, he could have me whenever he wants, why is he now trying to start dialogue though another bloody app. He tells me that he hasn’t had sex since me so I invite him over but he tells me that he’s going away for work.

I never actually see him again to fuck, I talk to him a few months later but he says he’s seeing someone closer to his house. I just delete him from my facebook, sick of seeing his cute face if he won’t come fuck me again.

I do see him again at my friends house about a year later, she doesn’t know we’d fucked or my relationship status at the time, so she offers me up to drop him at the train station & home. He gets in my car & we chat easily, I offer to drop him home as it’s on my way, he says that he’d like to catch up again, but we never do. Kinda sad about this one, it could’ve been a lot of fun!

#IBD4U

To follow on from Milky #10. Max, Sweetie & I are at the Union hotel, all drunk & dancing to the crazy DJ – if you remember from Vesty. It’s the first time in weeks that I’ve seen Max, however, I am having a good time. I’m still trying to get Milky to come to the Union in the hopes that I will still end up with my MFM, not sure what will happen with Max & Sweetie being they are staying at my house tonight if Milky doesn’t come back to my house. I am not sure I am ready for a 3sum with a woman, but I guess if the opportunity arises, I might do it. Milky is determined not to come to my house or the union, ok well there goes that fantasy… Probably for the best anyway, he & Max did not get along – it was a weird dynamic. I would be very surprised if Max even agrees to Sweetie seeing him outside of this evening too. But I’d also be surprised if Sweetie wants too see Milky anyway.

Getting drunker & drunker, Max is walking between Sweetie & I, kissing us both, oddly, I don’t feel weird about it, even though this is a very straight laced pub. Well maybe not, there is a crazy DJ here. Hahaha. I end up kissing Sweetie too, which is my first ever girl kiss. Yep, I’ve never kissed a girl before now. Whoo, tick that off my list – if it was ever on my list. Interestingly, women do kiss better than men. Her lips were softer & she was probably a little bit more gentle, if that’s a way to describe it – less sloppy. However, I don’t think I am about to jump the fence anytime soon!

We are on the way back to my house in a taxi & I know where this is going to go. Max is in the back with me, Sweetie is in the front. I don’t know if they organised that with some secret look or if that’s just how it worked out. There is going to be a 3sum here tonight, just not the one I wanted, but there is going to be one. I know Sweetie is bi, I am not, while I liked kissing her, I am still not interested in women in that way. I like penis! (Obviously) However, the opportunity for something new is there, so why not. I feel comfortable with her – she’s a normal chick, normal size, not intimidatingly hot, I feel like she wouldn’t judge my lumps & bumps… Plus I’ve been seeing Max for almost 3 months, I know they’ve have 3sums together before, I know this isn’t new for them, so I know they will help guide me though this.

I don’t know about you, for those who’ve thought about 3sums but my biggest fear with a 3sum is that I will be the odd one out eating a sandwich like Ross from Friends while people have sex in my bed. I guess that’s the thing about being the guest star in a 3sum, you are the play thing, the one they both want because they can have each other any time they like.

We get to my place, I am acting awkward, not knowing what to do. I obviously have never done this before, I don’t know what to do or how to get this started. Or even if I want to get this started, or if it’s up to me to get it started. Max is the dominant one, shouldn’t he start this off? I’m walking around the place, getting drinks, feeling awkward, Max is eating chips he was eating before we left, Sweetie is sitting at the kitchen table just having a drink. I am so fucking awkward! I wonder if it would be like this with anyone or is it just like this with this couple who aren’t as social as me?

Max grabs me as I’m walking past & kisses me, before bending me over the kitchen bench pulling down my pants before he spanks me in front of Sweetie. I have to shut my eyes because I feel weird, but I also don’t want him to stop because I like this too. He spanks me for a long time, I am not sure if this is something Sweetie likes, but assuming she knows the ins & outs of our sexual relationship. Maybe she’s even told him what she wants to see tonight. I don’t know. Neither have really talked about what will happen tonight with me.

Max takes me into the bedroom, I am not sure what Sweetie is doing, I am now naked & on the bed. When I see Sweetie enter the room & get undressed herself crawling up the bed towards us. I feel self-conscious, like I need to include her, but I also don’t really know how. We start all playing around, Sweetie & I kiss more then as we’re all lying down, Max announces that he feels sick & jumps up to go to the bathroom. Sweetie & I lay there, a bit worried but also this is the first time I’ve been with a chick so we keep kissing & touching each other. Max comes back into the room but says that he’s been vomiting & doesn’t feel well, he lies down on the bed & we kind of stop everything. Next minute Max is lying there with the covers up & looking like he’s going to sleep. Well FUCK. I can’t even get this right… I decide that I am going to keep playing with Sweetie to try to perk him up, but he literally lays there asleep while I kiss & finger Sweetie.

The next morning, Max wakes me up & starts to have sex with me as Sweetie lies there watching. It’s a bit weird, but I actually kind of like it. We have a proper 3sum in the morning, it’s a tad more segmented than I expected, as in it doesn’t flow as well as I pictured in my head, Max going between her & I, rather than is all involved at once… but it’s fun & I can definitely cross a MFF 3sum off my list of things I’ve done!

#IBD4U

The more I talk to Noodle, the more he tells me about his partner & how she thinks he’s cheating on her – apparently accuses him all the time of it, tracks his phone with the find my iPhone app, goes through his phone looking for evidence of pictures or apps (he deletes the chat app daily before he gets home from work) & that he never goes out without her. He also tells me that if he’s at work & he doesn’t answer her text or call quick enough, she’ll call the store to find him. But every time she is not with him, he’s chatting to me online, she sleeps a lot so we chat till like 11:00 am in the mornings they’re both home together & sometimes she’s in bed by 9:00pm, there’s also days where she naps for hours & he comes back online, where I am waiting patiently for him. No wonder he’s lonely, she sleeps for 20 hours a day.

I do continue to question him why he is online if he’s not unhappy with her & how long he’s been online, I also question why she’s so paranoid, (She clearly has every right to be at this point, but I wonder what he did to get here) & why they aren’t married if they call each other husband & wife. He tells me that he’s been online since they had their son 3 years ago, he wasn’t ready for a kid yet but she stopped taking the pill & got pregnant. He tells me they never got married because it’s too expensive & neither of them cared about it – I’m not sure why you would bother getting engaged then. He says he’s never actually met anyone in person, it’s just been texting & sharing pics with women online the anonymous app (I wonder if I’ve ever chatted to him on there?!), I have no reason not to believe him. He tells me that she found his dick pics in the deleted folder as they have the same iTunes account, it apparently shows up on her phone or their ipad, I forget which (I’m not an iPhone user so I don’t know how this works) & she questioned him. He said after that he deleted everything, scared of being caught again & at that point she obviously started going through his phone. Firstly why would he even give her his phone – he doesn’t seem like the type to be so pussy whipped, secondly how does she live like that, always questioning & looking for evidence – that would drive me insane!! I question why he won’t leave her & he says that he’s an asshole & she put ups with a lot of shit from him as he’s a grumpy fucker. He also follows it up with the fact that he’s not unhappy… -I call bullshit on that, but let it go. Not my problem about his unhappiness.

Somehow Noodle & I are able to chat a lot even though he has to delete the app every time he’s at home & she’s awake, but we talk about everything, all sorts of bullshit – all day from the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep, talking to early hours of the morning. He confides in me about a significant childhood trauma that saw him lose his dad tragically at a very young age – which I feel like he never dealt with as he should’ve. I confide in him about my family dramas which aren’t as extreme but still relevant to me & also shaped me to who I am, as it did him, but to be really honest with you, we actually talk about food the most! Yeah that’s kind of sad but we do. We’re both trying to continue to lose weight (Me having lost about 20 kgs, him about 30 kgs at that point) & he gives me some guidance on a protein rich diet & supplement drinks like pre workout that I should try. He gives me a smoothie recipe & helps me pick good choices to eat when I’m out. My sister is the only one who knows about him & even says to me one day when I’m texting him madly in the food court “What does Noodle say you can eat?” I laugh & think fuck I’m so ridiculous.

But talking food, helps me keep this in check, this man has picked out his wife… I am not in this for anything other than friendship, he’s helping me a lot with my health, I appreciate him for that, it’s really working, I don’t have an one else in my life doing what I’m doing… But it also becomes a bit of an addiction, I don’t want to stop taking to him – we also have that silly agreement. But I have no intentions of this going further.

When I’m out with real life friends, I’m obsessed with messaging him. He’s only online when he’s not with her so I try to be available whenever he’s online. What a fucking idiot! Sometimes he only gets 5 minutes while in the toilet, shower or cooking dinner, when he cheekily downloads the app & chats quickly to me, so I feel like I have to write back instantly or I might not get to talk to him at all that night, especially if either of us fall asleep. I hate if I go out & can’t use my phone & know that he may be online. I try to do it discreetly but my friends notice my obsession. I even get a bit obsessed with the groups too. If you don’t keep up you get left out easily & I am obsessed if they were talking about me too.

Lots of ladies share pics but I wasn’t one for sharing that stuff publicly or really privately either but I am caught up in the fun & the compliments they get! So when I do post pics in the public groups, I use photobomb which is a photo app though the chat app where you send a pic to the group but only one person in the group can get it, so first in, best dressed so to speak & it only lasts for 5 seconds. I only ever send them when Noodle is online hoping that he’ll get them & he’ll post the emoji with heart eyes or the fire emoji meaning that he thinks I’m hot. I love that he pretty much gets them all & it’s not before long that an admin guy, let’s call him Holden, kicks him out of the group as a joke because he wanted to get my photobomb & he was annoyed that Noodle kept getting them!

I get added as admin to a bunch of the groups I am in as I make friends with a lot of the people & apparently we all have no lives because we’re on there all the time! Hahaha. For the first time in my life I am not an inbetweener, I am a cool kid! Every guy that joins the groups hits on me & I have the power to delete them if they are a douche. However there is only one guy I want but I can’t bring myself to tell him or anyone else that, I mean what else is there to say when he’s already picked out his wife!

Look, I know he’s a liar, clearly he’s lying to his partner every time she asks if he’s cheating, he says no… I guess he’s not cheating per se but chatting online it just as bad, if not worse in my eyes, than just fucking another woman. So I am not so naïve that I should believe everything he says, however he has no reason to lie to me, I can just tell. Just as his partner can tell he’s lying to her, even though he denies it, I can tell he’s not lying to me. I’m not a very trusting person but I have good instincts. I trust them & they haven’t ever done me wrong yet.

One day Noodle & I start to bicker about us meeting – I want to meet, we’ve been talking for months but he tries to friendzone me so he can fuck someone else. He actually knows about all the men I am seeing. Yes, he says that we’ll be friends & he’ll find someone else. What the actual fuck? I am so angry that I crack the shits & try to stop talking to him but he keeps chatting & then he tries to stop talking to me & I think fuck you Noodle, he can bloody well explain why he says to me that he wants to fuck me but is just going to just be friends with me while he goes & fucks someone else. WTF dude… Here I am, actually going against everything I stand for, willing to fuck this partnered guy possibly, cheat with him & he wants someone else?! I feel like such a fucking idiot! I actually finally get out of him that he tried to friendzone me because I was messaging him one day, while his partner was at work, he was messaging me but then I just stopped because Max came over, which made him feel insignificant. I think that is the first time that my heart breaks a little for my actions… However Noodle seems to forget that I am deleted every night when he is with his family, without a second thought…

The fact that Noodle & I talk through everything so openly & honestly already, before we just snap & cut each other off, is what gets us though the little bickering spats we have – it gets us through the friendzoning incident without any damage. We both agree that we are super stubborn, but with him, I realise that I am willing to work though the issues. Why? I have no fucking idea, because usually I just cut a guy off when he pisses me off, I can’t be bothered dealing with bullshit. But with Noodle, I keep chatting to him to make him realise how dumb that is… Why am I fighting to meet this partnered guy & start an affair? There’s no future here, he’s said he’s not leaving her, so what am I even doing?

#IBD4U

My quest for a MFM is real, it could totally happen with Max & Milky. Max is on board, though I think he’s just happy to live out my fantasy so I’ll live out his of a MFF with his wife. I’m excited when I broach the subject with Milky, telling him that I want a MFM. Milky asks me with who & I explain it’s the married guy in an open relationship. To my complete & utter surprise Milky says yes, on one condition. WTF could his condition even be? Surely this would be a dream for a guy to fuck a woman like a porn star? I wait for his condition to be that he ‘gets to be the one that fucks me in the ass’ or ‘he doesn’t want to touch the other guy’ Yeah I don’t want to see live gay porn, this is about me – so you’re safe Milky!

“I want to fuck his wife” WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK! She has nothing to do with this! I am NOT pimping out the guy I’m fucking poor unsuspecting wife so I can get what I want! This is fucked up! I tell him that she has nothing to do with it & he just says that’s his condition, if I want it, then he wants to fuck her first. Ironically, he doesn’t even know how old she is, what she looks like, or even what the guy I am fucking looks like – he knows nothing about them but wants to fuck her. I mean I am ok with random fucks (clearly – just read this blog. Hahaha) but there has to be some sort of chemistry or connection or alcohol. This is just weird. I decide to tell Max because I don’t even know what to do or what to say to Milky. This is just beyond anything that I have experienced before. & I thought meeting the wife was the weirdest point in my life!

Max is surprisingly ok about it & makes jokes about wanting to fuck Milky’s sister or mum as part of his condition of Milky fucking his wife. This is seriously not happening? I mean does this type of thing happen to people? Really! Max says he’ll ask his wife, it’ll be up to her if she wants too, but I am not comfortable with pimping her out for my fantasy. Max explains that she’s been having trouble with meeting a regular guy or even any guy just for a ONS (Yeah I know because guys are douches plus she’s been telling me everything – she could probably write a blog post or 2 herself!) When he tells me that she is willing to meet him, I am completely flabbergasted. But Max says that it’s actually good, because she’s having trouble finding a regular guy for her, it’s making it harder for him to see me & he’s afraid she’ll pull the pin on the open relationship thing, if she doesn’t find someone soon. I’m not sure that’s true but he has been pulling away a bit & I know she’s been dicked around by a few douches. So really, who the fuck knows what is happening here!

So I figure, that at this point I know I am done with Milky, so she can have him, if she wants him & I can focus on Max & others. I don’t have as much sex per se with Max but we are more kinky. I feel like I have surpassed Milky’s kink. I want to explore more of this side & Max takes me to a different place. We do more kinky things, I mean I tell him things I want to do & sometimes he actually does them (not all the time, but maybe he will if we keep seeing each other) not like Milky who I seem to tell him my fantasies too & then he fucks me while he stands & I’m on the edge of the bed with my legs in the air… every… single… time!

I obviously talk to Sweetie about it too, I can tell she’s weirded out about it too, I mean I know Sweetie & Max are in an open relationship, but surely they haven’t been in this situation before. Well maybe, I guess this is no different to partner swapping really, however I’m not with Milky & he wants to fuck Sweetie without me or Max… Hmmm! Anyway she agrees so I pass on Milky’s chat app details to Sweetie & let them talk. This is just fucking nuts!

So there’s a hedonist/switch Munch (a munch is a kink event that contains no kink, just a meet & greet so to speak at a pub or restaurant for kinky people to meet) on the next weekend & I am somehow arranging for a 4sum type situation after Milky invites me to the munch with him. This evening is perfect for Milky to fuck Sweetie then Milky & Max to fuck me. My house is neutral territory for everyone, so I suggest that they all come meet at mine, then we’ll go to the munch together & see where the night takes us. Milky decides that he doesn’t want to meet at my house but he’ll meet us there. WTF? He was the one that invited me to go with him…

Max & Sweetie get to my house later than I expected & then we fart ass about before we head into the city, which means we’re way later than I said we would be, Milky has been texting me to ask if we’re even going. When we get there, we can’t find where everyone is, it’s a lot different than what I was expecting, everyone was sitting in little groups so it was as socialable as I was expecting. It was more of a clique than I expected. We get drinks & find Milky, I introduce them. We sit down at a table outside & Milky acts like a complete douche. He acts really arrogant & I can tell that Max thinks he’s an idiot. I am not even sure what Sweetie thinks, but I think he’s being a fucking wanker. Seriously, Milky should be so lucky that he’s in this position! This isn’t going well & my plans of a MFM are quickly evaporating.

After about 30 minutes of awkwardness & one drink, some woman comes up & asks Milky to go down the giant slide with her. (WTF? Why is there a giant slide in a pub for adults?) He takes so long to come back that Max, Sweetie & I decide to go somewhere else. The only place I know of a Friday night in Adelaide is the Union hotel with the crazy DJ. We catch a taxi there & it’s packed with the usual DJ playing all sorts of weird stuff. We are all already really drunk, I definitely don’t need more drinks but we drink anyway!

I text milky to tell him we left but didn’t get much back from him, he decides not to come to the Union. The rest of this story really belongs to a Max post, so you’ll have to wait till next Max blog post to hear what happened at the Union Hotel… & beyond!

#IBD4U

Max continues his sexual torture on me, a drip here & a drip there… He again doesn’t really fuck me, but he fingers me so much so the bed is saturated. When he does want to fuck me, he rubs his hard cock on my clit to make me cum, then once I’ve cum, he fucks me. I am so sensitive that I cum very quickly. I am still tied up, on my X restraints, there is nothing I can do besides beg him to let me cum or beg him to stop.

When he’s finally done with me, I am so done, I pretty much curl up in a ball & fall asleep. I can’t move & I think if he touches my clit anymore I will literally cum within seconds. He sleeps over the night, it’s nice to have him there all night, however I do wake up all through the night just because someone is in my bed, I guess I wake him up too, because he wakes up to actually fuck me in the middle of the night.

In the morning, we have sex before we get up, however while his dick is actually in me, his phone rings. He has a distinctive ring tone for his wife, it’s a man voice, saying “warning, warning, it’s the wife calling” with a siren noise, so it’s undoubtedly her, when he picks it up answers, I am mortified. What the fuck is he doing? This is so fucking weird! But he gives me a cheeky grim & I kind of like it. He’s fucking me while on the phone to her. I hear her ask why he sounds weird & I contemplate making a lot of noise, but why the fuck is she ringing, she knows where he is…!

After we have sex, I make him coffee & it seems like it’s a normal every day occurrence to make him coffee & sit with him outside while he has a smoke. I get up & go inside then come back out when he grabs me, from behind, pushing me up against my outdoor table, pulling my tracksuit pants down, he starts to spank my ass… I whimper but I really enjoy it… (yes I know it’s not for everyone, but I’m loving it.) He spanks me so hard & for so long, but I am stubborn & will never tell him to stop. I am on the verge of telling him to stop though when he slips is cock in me from behind.We are fucking outdoors, this is probably the first time I’ve ever fucked in my backyard, when he pulls out a little to far & goes back into my ass, clearly not on purpose being his reaction later, but I don’t say anything, I assume he knows, surely my ass feels different. (as you may realise, I do get quite wet, so I don’t need lube for anal) & as long as it’s not surprise anal where the guy tries to go up your ass without any warning or prep work. I cum, but then he realises that he’s been in my ass, pulls out & says he has to go have a shower. I am literally still there bent over the outdoor table, wondering what the fuck just happened, when I see him in the bathroom. Clearly not an anal guy… That surprises me being the type of guy he is, in an open relationship & what not, but obviously not.

He gets out the shower & I get in, not showering with him being how he just left me. I feel so dirty & weird. He hangs out for a bit longer, which is good because if he left straight away, I don’t think we could’ve recovered. I feel like an idiot. Maybe he’s learning, I don’t know. But at least he stayed a bit to make me feel better. I mean he’s only the 4th dude to ever fuck my ass & he’s acting like it’s gross… I mean I quite enjoyed it. But whatever.

We continue to chat everyday as usual, he stops being as weird as he had been & finally stops blaming how busy he is, however I still don’t see him for a while again… Like a couple of weeks. For someone that was so keen to see me before, since the kayak thing, I barely even get sex once a week from him – no wonder I need other men. He knows I’m fucking other people, he encourages me to tell him about them too, but I’m also not 100% sure that guys really want to hear about your sex life with another guy. However we do talk about the fact I would like to have a 3sum with 2 guys – a MFM. Max, seems pretty keen having done one with Sweetie. I also tell him about a intruder fantasy that I’d like to try out, where i come home from something to find an intruder in my house, so he tells me to give him some keys & he’ll make it happen. Wow, I’m going to live out all my fantasy’s with this guy,

Max also joins a few groups on the chat app that I’m in  but seems to not be able to get into the banter with everyone. It shows me a different side of him to be honest, not a bad side but a more socially inept side that makes me realise why possibly he is the way he is when he is “busy” or when I am being needy or something. He doesn’t know how to deal with it, he works alone, has no colleagues, his wife doesn’t work so she has no colleagues. I don’t think they have a lot of friends either, even though they are into swinging, they seem to keep to themselves – or seem to play alone with their other person, rather than together. It becomes very evident & it makes him make a lot more sense to me now.

#IBD4U

At this point in my dating life, I am fucking a few guys – maybe not all of them are regular, but they are on the books – so to speak. Max, Origin, Elvis & Milky… I am also chatting to multiple men, including Dom on a regular basis. I am a stone now, my heart is closed, with everything I have been through, am going through, I am not going to get feelings for another FWB, another fuck boy… Anyone… If I do die without ever being loved, then so be it… I am done. My biggest fear cannot rule my life anymore… I won’t let it. If the guys don’t want me for more than FWB, I am not going to be more than that for them. I do not want to find a boyfriend, I am so much more open sexually that I ever have been & I want to explore that with these men, I don’t think one can give me everything I want.

I don’t want monogamy, I want what each of these guys have to offer, something casual & fun, I’m sick of being hurt by guys… Guys that I am not even sure I like, I’m allowing to hurt me, what type of life is that? This is my time to shine! I will just be a bit more reserved than I have been in the past. The walls have gone up & they will stay there, I need a little less friend in the FWB & more of the benefits! My sex drive is through the roof & I need all these men (plus my rechargeable vibes) just to keep me satisfied at this point – since all of them seem to be “so busy” that they can’t fit me in to fuck me. I mean I am not asking for a lot from these guys, I never asked any of them to date me, I asked them to fuck me. I am not really looking for anyone else though, I think that these guys are enough right now, even though I don’t see any of them enough.On a work trip away – I’m a millions miles from everything, including decent internet in Elliston, I am bored as fuck around dinner time in this tiny town staying in a caravan park, when Sweetie (Max’s wife) says she’ll add me to a group chat she’s in, on the chat app. I thought why not, I had looked around the app before & had obviously seen the groups but wasn’t really sure about them, having used chat groups many, many years ago in the days of ICQ & MSN Messenger. I look through the members of the group & immediately one guy caught my eye, Noodle.

I started chatting in the group & got along with the people quickly, just general chit chat & fun. There are about 50 people in each group sometimes it gets so busy it’s hard to keep up. I get added to several groups & realise that Noodle is in all of them, well my chances of talking to him are increased – though my luck he’d probably be a north-sider who won’t travel or be fucking one of the hot women in the group already, married or even inactive, people join groups then delete the app but not their account.

But when Noodle finally comes online later that night, we have immediate banter together – I find myself enjoying the banter which hasn’t jumped to sexy talk & also I’m laughing constantly at my phone like a dickhead at just about everything he says. Most guys on this app disappear like all the others so I’m not holding out hope or even bothering to invest time in him. Plus there are rules in the groups where there is no PM (private message) without permission (remember Dom telling me this?!) – I’m certainly not going to ask anyone like a bloody fool. It’s brutal when guys ask & the woman says no. People get deleted from the groups for doing it too, I want to hang around so I am not going to be the douche PMing anyone. Yet I’m only in the group 2 or 3 days, when I am pleasantly surprised to find an unsolicited PM from Noodle waiting for me, so the banter continues privately too.

Now I’m ridiculous & I’ve said this many times before but I tend not to message men first because I don’t want to bother them if they aren’t interested – I probably need to work on that. When Noodle randomly tells me that he actually does the with women, because it shows him that they care about him, I joke around & say that we should take it in turns to be the first one to say hello everyday – I want to keep talking to him, (I’ve kept the conversation going by not replying to the last message at night & then reply in the morning so then there is no hello just a continuation of the conversation… Tricky…Hehehe…) So Noodle & I make this joke agreement about taking it in turns to say good morning every day, not at all expecting him to agree, but when he does, I feel a bit warm & fuzzy…

Surprisingly we follow it every day, taking it in turns to be the first one to say morning, every morning – even if we don’t officially say good night to each other. I even check sometimes when he hasn’t messaged me to see who started it the day before in case it was my turn – because I’m stubborn & refuse to message him if it’s his turn. I’m even more surprised that he follows our stupid agreement & never misses a day that is his turn to message me, considering how douchey he can be to people in the group – he’s very different with me in our private chat. We message every day via PM & we also chat in the groups too, which leads to a few people asking me (& probably asking him too) if we are fucking, because the chemistry between us is noticeable. Is it really? Wow. We don’t even make it obvious to others that we are chatting in PM, though I assume that everyone knows that we are. Though we are very flirty & I find myself screenshotting things he says in the groups like that when he says that I’m hot or that I’m sexy. I always send the blushing emoji back & say ‘Awww Thanks Noodle’ but secretly I am loving this attention.

After talking to Noodle for a while I don’t seem to realise that he is only ever online during work hours, goes offline for a few hours & then is back on again later at night. I never notice the pattern until Noodle mentions that he has a partner (A fiancé) that he calls his wife (she calls him husband) of 10 years & a 3 year old son. (Please note, I will call her his partner, but he always says ‘my wife’ whenever he talks about her.) My hopes of him being anything are dashed. I am not getting involved with a married man again. I am not going to meet this guy now. I am having trouble keeping up with what I have… I don’t want a boyfriend, I know that, but I also don’t want to be the other woman. I am already in a situation as the other woman, admittedly the wife knows about me, I mean its bad enough Noodle is on this chat app anyway. So I ask him why he doesn’t talk to his partner now about his unhappiness – I encourage him to talk to her but he says he’s not unhappy, just lonely & they have boring couple sex – she’s never cum with him… What the actual fuck! She’s never cum in 10 years?! He says yes, never in 10 years! That’s fucking ridiculous. How does that even happen, he says when she’s about to cum she hits him to make him get him off her because she feels likes he going to pee herself (Ok, as a squirter, I am 100% certain that she’s a fellow squirter… because that’s what it sort of feels like – I only do it when I’m comfortable with men, so Milky (once) & Max are the only ones to experience that so far. So I get the fear, but they’ve been together 10 years, surely she’s comfortable with Noodle by now?) Hmmm, well that sounds like a happy relationship! (NOT) I don’t believe he’s happy in the slightest but his self-esteem is so low that I don’t push it with him, I guess I don’t really know him that well. Or do I?

#IBD4U

A dude, Elvis, adds me on Facebook & I was like who the fuck is this? He’s super cute but looks young but I have no idea who he is, so I look at our mutual friends, we have my friend & her partner. Must be his friend? I ask my friend, while I’m at their house why she thinks he would add me on FB & she says because her partner thinks I am this sex feind & will be able to teach this young gun a thing or 2. Oh good…

Firstly why does her partner know about my sex life & second, who says I want to teach anybody anything? I’m more submissive than a dominant, I do like to switch but I don’t really want to have to teach someone how to be kinky – I mean I’m still pretty new at it myself.

I decide to add him because he is very cute but I know he’s young, he says he was “talked” into adding me, which is a hit to my ego! I try to end the conversation because I don’t want someone to have to be talked into getting to know me. But he says no, he added me because I seem like a fun chick to get to know, WTF does that mean? I ask & he says that it’s just boy talk. Yeah dude, that’s what worries me!

He says that he was asking if my friend had any single friends & my name came up so he asks me if I am happy. Well am I happy? I have decided that I do not want a relationship at the moment, I am so hurt from all this bullshit I’ve been through, that maybe a FWB is what I need.

He says that his friend told him that I am quite sexually active & experimentative (as if that’s even a word!) – Well I guess that is true! But he says he takes what his friend says with a grain of salt because boys do embellish when they talk. But he seems a bit shy & when I ask what my friends partner has said he tells me that he been told ‘that you may have some toys & like to use them with company, if you get what I mean?’ Yes I get what you mean & yes it’s true! Hahaha. I explain that I am still fairly new to kink really, in the scheme of things, like only 18 months or so that’s why I am now looking to explore more & not entirely ready to settle down with just 1 guy now.

He says that recently single out of about 7 years of relationships he now has lost his sexual mojo. I say that he just needs to get back out there. I went from having no sex or boring sex to the kinkiest sex I’ve ever had.

He agrees that he felt better in a relationship than when he was trying some casual sex, because you know the person’s body so well, it makes a difference than when you just fuck someone once. But I explain that I am never looking for an ONS. I want something more ongoing, it doesn’t have to be a relationship but I don’t want to just have another notch on my bedpost. We chat freely about sex a lot more. I don’t want to oversell myself. So I try to bring it back real life, maybe I’m really shit in bed, that’s why I’ve been single so long? I also am conscious that this is my friends boyfriends friend. I don’t want stuff getting back to him, so I try to reserve myself a little, but I also have this problem with oversharing. (hahaha, you’d never guess that would you? Writing a blog about my dating/sex life!)

He tells me he hasn’t really done anything kinky. I tell him I’m usually the one tied up & he says that he loves that idea. I talk about how I like pain & what I am open to trying. I realise that he’s much younger than me, but of course he says that he’s always wanted to fuck an older woman & that it would be hot (As if he’s the first man to ever say that to me!)

I show him some toys that he’s never heard of like a warternberg pinwheel & a flogger which he kinda freaks out a little thinking when I meant toys, that I meant I only had vibrators, but he’s glad I’m open to more & am willing to discuss it with him. I talk to him about the open relationship with Max & how I talk more to Sweetie than him now, it’s also around the time that I tell him I am looking at threesomes & really opening myself up. That’s about when Elvis stops replying to my messages.

Unusual for me, I send him a message the next night asking if I scared him off, he says no it was exciting but doesn’t offer much so I say that I’ll think I overshared & that I’m sorry. He says that ‘it’s ok, only thing it did leave me wondering, how the fuck am I ever going to satisfy this woman’ I explain that’s why, at the moment, I have more than one guy on the go, because I’ve become too sexual & am not getting enough from any of the guys. He asks if I’ll take him on a project & be his sexy teacher.

I explain that sex fortnightly isn’t going to work for me or him leaving right after we’ve cum. He agrees that it might take him a while to get back into it, but he wants what I want too. We talk about sleepovers & aftercare, he jumps at this topic asking if kissing if ok. I mean I am not Vivian in Pretty Woman, I do like to be kissed & touched, I even say that he can spoon me, but that doesn’t mean we’ll have feelings for each other (Stupidly, been there, done that!) I say that I will care for my FWB (of course) but I won’t catch feelings for him – I’m done thinking I’m falling for FWB, however I will want to know more about him as we are going to be friends. He says that he wishes more women were like me.

He tells me that he’s terrified of another relationship as he’s just gotten out of something with a drug addict & he’s also gotten off the hard drugs recently himself. But for me the most important thing is that he keep his mouth shut to his friends about me. Kinda reminds me of that chick Coral in the movie Cocktail when she says:”too bad you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about our sex life…it only gets better!” If I do this with him & I hear that someone else knows, I will be furious! (But here I am now writing about it! Hahaha – Sorry dude!)

I explain that my hard limits include: animals, kids, degrading stuff, bloody play, fire play & scat (shit), he agrees with all of them though he says he’s not done much to even have a hard limit list, he’s also concerned that he won’t even like any kink, which is also ok. It’s not for everyone, I didn’t think I would ever be this open about my sex life.

I feel sorry for him when he says that he’s nervous about meeting me, I’m not trying to scare him, I’m just being open & honest about what I want. I mean with Milky I wasn’t & then we pretty much didn’t do much kinky stuff at all – I don’t want to make that mistake again! I ask if he’s the jealous type because I’m finding more & more guys are not ok with me fucking other guys, they say they want to hear about it & Elvis says he wants to hear about it, but in reality, I don’t think they do!

#IBD4U

On my quest for some extra kink, I meet this guy Notorious Sir, on you guessed it on the anonymous app. How does this keep happening?! We exchange chat app accounts & chat on there, as it’s a much easier interface, where I actually get chat notifications.

He tells me that he’s married (Oh seriously! FFS!! Where are all the single men?) & his wife has no sexual interest at all, they are not exactly in an open relationship, she knows he sees other women & that’s he has a mistress however she’s not entirely ok with it either – but because she won’t fuck him, she lets him do it. (What the fuck does that mean?!) This sounds too fucking complicated & why the hell does he need me if he has a Mistress? I guess she has a life too. Fucking hell I get myself in to some weird situations!

Anyway I keep chatting to him, for some fucked up reason dudes seem to make the effort to keep me conversing with them when they are married. Like I am not going to put in any effort with a married guy… What’s the point, they clearly don’t want to leave their wives if they’re allowed to fuck other women. I’m not 100% certain that I believe his story here, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He does actually give me his Mistresses chat account & I chat to her too, she has a very hot ass in the profile picture that I also have to wonder what he wants with me too, however I am not certain it’s actually a chick, I can’t help but wonder that it’s just him pretending to be a mistress, perhaps?

He tells me that he’s very dominant & gives me tasks to do during the day, like show him my panties (I used to hate that word, but I’m getting more used to it) while I’m at work, or show him my cleavage while at work. I complete all my tame tasks, enjoying the little bit of kink from a Sir, that expect you to do things for them. But when Nortorious Sir tells me to write my address on a post it note & take a live picture of me with it, I ask why, he says do it. But I am apprehensive. However I am a little excited by this game, that I do it. This is probably the most excited I’ve been by a guy I haven’t met in a long time. I mean I am still talking to Dom sometimes when it suits him & he also asks in some ways for me to do tasks but not like this…

One morning before work he tells me that he’s coming over, he wants me to unlock the door, bend over the kitchen table in just my panties & wait for him. I am turned on at the thought of such instructions. No guy that I am fucking right now is like this, nor are they turning me on so much just from the mere thought of them. I do as instructed, bending over my table & waiting, starting to feel excited, my heart pounding in my chest. This is going to be unreal.

I hear the door open & heart pounds harder, if that’s even possible… I wait for him to walk through the lounge room to find me in the dining room bent over the table in just panties at 7:00 am, like he instructed. He makes a grunting/hmmm sound when he sees me, I can tell I have pleased him. His rough manly tradie (He’s a plumber) hand caresses my exposed ass cheek from my lacy brazilian panties that I wear everyday & he says “Hmmm, very nice” he pulls me back up so I am leaning against his chest & he kisses me, it’s kinda sloppy & amateurish, maybe it’s the position. He rubs my butt & pulls my panties down, rolling on a condom, he’s inside me quickly. Lucky that there has been virtual foreplay, otherwise I would have just been dry fucked…

It’s weird, I’m not sure if his cock isn’t big enough for this position or what it is, but he can’t get it in me without it slipping out every couple of thrusts. So he pulls out, then his pants down, lying on the floor he tells me to ride him. We try that position but again, it doesn’t seem to work well for us. He gets up & pushes me against the wall, sloppy kisses follow as he presses me into the wall, raising my hands above my head (I do love it when guys do that), but I think that if those positions didn’t work, then fucking me against the wall isn’t going to work. But he pushes me to my knees & makes me suck his cock. Telling me that I’m a good girl (I used to hate that until Dom says it like every time we chat & when we talk, it’s growing on me more & more). Once he’s done, he stands me up, kisses me, says “that was worth it” & leaves without another word.

As the door shuts behind him, I’m standing there naked feeling like an actual fuck wit. “That was worth it?” WTF does that even mean? Was he being sarcastic? Or did he actually mean it? The build up to that was better than the sex. That was (& still remains) the worst sex of my life – Maybe this is why his wife doesn’t want to fuck him?! (OMG that’s SO mean, but maybe!) He messages me a hour or so later, but I am feeling so ridiculous that I try to ignore him. I can’t believe I just did that. He keeps messaging me then I snap, I unload & tell him how I feel about what happened this morning. He doesn’t understand that I felt used & dirty after he left. I hated it. Even though the sex was bad, it was more the way he left it. This is the first time I met this guy & that’s how he treats me… What about some aftercare dude?! (Aftercare in a dominant/submissive thing is basically where the Dom will spend time with the Sub making sure they are ok before the end a scene)

We end up fighting about it & it leads to his mistress blocking me on the chat app when I try to talk to her about it. I never see him again (big surprise) & over the next year he pops up in every group I’m in on the chat app, however as you will hear in stories to come, I did have a bit of influence over the chat app Adelaide groups for a while with admin duties & I ban him from every group, mainly to save other women from the worst sex of their lives with a douche too.

#IBD4U

Swiping left & right one day, minding my own business, not thinking about anyone that could come up (That’s where the mistake lies – when you stop thinking about someone… BOOM they appear!), so of course, that’s when Origin reappears. Oh Holy Fuck! What do I do? It’s been 8 months since we last spoke. Do I want to get into this again? I don’t know… If I swipe left, I may never know if he’s liked me or swipe right & have to wait to see if he swiped or I could also swipe right & match then have to decide if I say hi or not? I sit there staring at him for ages… What should I do? I close the app, yes, yes good idea, just close the app. Out of sight, out of mind… (Yeah right!)

A few days later, I’d forgotten about my swiping encounter with Origin so I open the app, swiping happily away when his fucking cute face with cheeky smile pops up again. Bloody hell! I shut down the app again, quickly, like he can see me or something if I have it open too long. One afternoon with my friend, we’re talking online dating, all my relationship friends are so interested to see what these apps are about, they want to swipe for me, but he comes up again, so I show her his profile & she bloody swipes right for me over my shoulder quickly & we match! FUCK… Now what do I do? I have to message him, don’t I? So I just say ‘hey’ trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing but then he replies & we start talking.

My Nanna had just passed away on valentines day, who I was relatively close with, we saw her every week for a family dinner. I don’t know why I tell him that, I guess I am desperate for a man. I mean Max was amazing the day she died & talks to me everyday, but it’s not the same, he’s married, I’m not a priority for him. I never will be. Origin says to let him know if I ever need a wine & a hug – yep I need one right about now. So we swap numbers again, he sends me a selfie straight away, then asks me to add me to his snapchat. I hate snapchat. I hardly ever use it & the conversation disappears so quickly. Plus given my past experience of jerking off videos & dick pictures, I try not to ever use this app. Also stupidly when I created the account, I used my real first & last name as my user name which can’t be changed. So since I realised that, I don’t ever give it out to anyone anymore.

It’s the day of my Nanna’s funeral, also its the next night after getting his number so I ask if the offer is still good for a wine & a hug because it’s been a difficult day, my friend has picked me up & taken me to a bar after it was all done, so I’m a bit drunk & my friend is taking me home at 10:00 pm, however I didn’t want to be alone & I could really could use an Origin hug but he says that he has to pick up his brother from a wedding, so he’s not free, I just say I hope he has a good night & I leave it at that. This was a pretty emotional day anyway, probably not a good idea to be really honest. I don’t cry a lot over anything & I definitely don’t cry in front of people.

He texts me the next day to see how I am, I say that I’m not doing that great & he offers to come over tonight to see me. I jump at the chance, wishing that I actually had a partner, because this has been harder than I want to admit to a random fuckboy. He brings wine & we sit chatting, I love that he asks about my Nanna & comforts me. We put on a shit movie but talk most of the way through it, he then asks me to move closer to him for that cuddle, I say “No, you move closer to me”, so he challenges me to a game of rock, paper, scissors. This time I agree to it – not like our first date, showing my fun side but I bloody lose, I offer best out of three but he laughs & just tells me to just move over on the couch. He cuddles me tightly & tells me that I smell good. As my head is against his chest, he can’t see me, a tear trickles down my eye… WTF! I never cry, it took me four days to cry over my Nanna & now I can’t stop! This safety of his arms around me when I am at my most vulnerable, means something to me… This guy wouldn’t bother coming to see me at this time if he wasn’t interested in me, this is a shit time in my life, a very personal time & it requires him to make sure he’s a decent guy… No one wants to be the asshole breaking someone’s heart when there’s a death in the family.

We kiss & cuddle on the couch having a few wines for a while, not actually watching the TV. When we have sex later that evening, it’s sweeter sex than we’ve had, I guess he knows that’s what I need. However, he still gets up to go home with some excuse that his dogs are inside.

#IBD4U

I seem to start meeting more people on this anonymous chat app that is not for dating but just for social networking – mainly for teenagers, than I do on actual dating sites. However they are all so young, including a 20 year old guy who I nickname Bieber. He chats to me, I see it going nowhere because we are worlds apart, not just in age as I am in my mid 30’s, but he’s living with his mum (& we all know how that turned out! Refer to Batman). He works, I think as a mechanic apprentice but doesn’t really know what he wants to do. He obviously doesn’t have any assets, I’m not sure I had assets at 20 (actually I owned my car) I think he owns his motorbike but we don’t discuss his loan situation. I also don’t want children – which isn’t a big deal now & lots of younger guys say they don’t want kids either, but what happens in 10 years time when he’s 30, I’m 40 & can’t have kids plus I haven’t changed my mind but he has & then I’m single again but worse now, I’m in my 40’s! (Over thinker much? Yes! ) But I keep chatting to him anyway.

He keeps talking about catching up with me but I am reluctant when I do the sums & realise that I am almost old enough to have a 20 year old child myself! Yep, that’s a red flag for me. A chick in my class in year 10 did get pregnant, so if I was her, this could be my son!? OMG…

He also tells me that he’s going to be 21 soon & that he wants me to come to his party. OH MI GAWD! No way am I going to go to this guys 21^st & meet his family & friends. Imagine him introducing me to his mother & her being around the same age as me… I mean how embarrassing. I am not this type of women, I don’t think I can date a guy that much younger than me. I don’t think I can get serious about this guy…

He messages me all the time, I pretty much only reply because I am a loser wanting some attention, he gives it to me, without me having to give too much back… Yes I am chatting to a few guys right now but they have lives or wives so I don’t chat to them all the time but fucking hell this guy is young! I notice it with the references we both use or whenever I chat to Max or Milky – I notice the difference in the depth of the conversation.

I don’t even know how it happens but one night, I am typing out my address for this dude, this kid to come over. WTF. He’s 20… TWENTY. We decide on dinner so when he gets there, we order pizza… He looks so young, but like a young Tom Cruise – sort of – he’s taller than me (which isn’t hard to be honest, I’m 5’3), darker hair, skinnier than I usually like, nice eyes, very cute. Just the type of guy I would probably go for, if only he didn’t look like a deer in headlights.

He seems to be a bit lost on what to do, when we’re sitting on the couch & I get up to get him a drink, he gets up & follows me to the kitchen. Kind of cute, but also a bit weird… He tells me that I am much better than my pictures & that he thinks I look really good. I feel like he’s buttering me up & it’s fucking annoying that I lap up the attention like a dickhead.

We eat the pizza & watch movies, while cuddling on the couch. I snuggle into him, this is when i forget how young he is, he’s just a guy with his arms around me, I feel safe & next minute I actually fall asleep on his shoulder. It’s late when I wake up & I realise that he’s not going anywhere but I’m so tired, that I just ask him to go to bed. I show him my bedroom & go to the bathroom, . He’s standing awkwardly in my bedroom when I come back, I feel like I have to be the dominant one, so I just get changed & he slowly undresses while i get into bed. Then he quietly slides into the bed, I switch off the light & feel him slide up against me spooning me. Fuck it actually feels good, but we go to sleep.

We wake up in the morning, kissing a lot & then we’re naked quickly, with a 20 year old, I’m expecting it to be over quickly & me left grossly unsatisfied…. However This boy has stamina! He fucks me for a lot longer than I could ever imagine possible for a 20 year old & he makes me cum multiple times… This is very surprising! Even more surprising being he was so submissive the night before following me around like a puppy, that he is quite a dominant in bed, not kinky dominant, but a nice manly dominant!

We message a little bit after the date, however he disappears after I say hard no to his 21st yet again, I am so not going to that… I am not heart broken or upset, I barely notice it to be honest since I’m chatting to so many men right now, though I am at a point where I don’t want any more bloody one night stands. However this was never going anywhere anyway.

A few months later, I get a message from him which I plan to ignore but I accidentally click on it so it shows that I read it. He tells me that he’s been quiet because he’s been going through some stuff. I Just assume the stuff is other women, so I say he doesn’t owe me any explanation, but he responds telling me that he was out riding his motorbike with his best friend who was in an accident & died, he couldn’t do anything but he saw the whole thing & watched his friend die. OH HOLY FUCK. I say all the usual things that you do when someone has died & tell him not to worry about me, that he should focus on himself. A few months later he messages me again saying he wants to take me out for a proper date. I ignore the message. I have moved on & am with real men… Or am I?

#IBD4U