One thing I hate is someone saying “You’re attractive” I don’t know why I hate that word so much, I guess it’s something you say to someone when they’re not beautiful or they don’t know what else to say to them about their looks. I used to get called attractive when I was fat so now that I am not & my face has changed a lot, I get called gorgeous or beautiful, things I don’t associate with me at all… (I know the self esteem issues of being a fat single girl for 12 years will always prevail! I’m working on it.)

So when Noodle calls me attractive, my heart sinks & I think that he isn’t into me at all – slight overreaction, I know but this is where my head goes. So when I explain why I hate attractive, he says to me “You are gorgeous & beautiful too – attractive just means attractive to me.” Well fuck he knows the right thing to say sometimes. I, of course, still find it hard to believe him so he reassures me further “You don’t believe my hands when they touch your body?” I do believe his hands but I think that’s just because I’m a different person to his partner, who he’s been with for 10 years & she’s also bigger than me (Apparently from what he says) – that doesn’t mean that I should think I am sexy. “Even if you are different… My hands still find you sexy & hot… & gorgeous & beautiful. & sometimes I might find you cute” FUCK…

Noodle knows I am not fucking anyone else anymore & haven’t for almost a month, I feel like he’s let his guard down a little bit more with me, not being as douchy & really boosting my ego a lot more. This is weird for me, this is usually when the guy pulls away from me. This seems to be drawing Noodle closer.

The next week, I have a week off work; he is now finished at his store & starting 5 weeks of holidays himself. I am worried things will be different for us, that we won’t get to see each other. But with him able to fake his location on his phone, it makes it easier; however he doesn’t do a lot outside of working, like play a sport or have a lot of friends to use as an alibi. I wouldn’t have a problem coming up with an alibi & I often think up things that he could do or say but he doesn’t seem to want to draw attention to the fact he’s having an ongoing affair.

On the weekend we are chatting, as usual, the whole time she’s at work or asleep, which let me tell you, is a lot. They don’t spend a lot of time together, nor do they spend a lot of time as a family, as I would if I had a family, like going out to parks or whatever but they never see to do anything like that. When he says something about his food, it’s not unusual, we talk a lot about food as always, but then he says something about his partner not being able to eat a lot of things right now. I think what the fuck does that mean? When it hits me… She’s fucking pregnant. He dances around the subject until I force him to admit it to me how far along is she, she’s just over a month along… So I get why he hasn’t told me. Shit… He tells me that he’s happy but they’d had quite a few miscarriages so he was at a point of not wanting to keep trying to get pregnant. I also get the feeling that he isn’t entirely happy about the pregnancy, now that he has me… Maybe that’s wishful thinking… Obviously this guy is having an affair, he seems to think that it’s purely because of their sex life, but that is absolute fucking bullshit. It’s never just about sex if they are chatting to the same woman or seeing the same woman. If it was about sex, he’d pick up any woman & fuck her, then discard her… It’s easier to cover your tracks then… A guy wouldn’t build a connection with someone, they wouldn’t tell their mistress any personal details or talk to them for hours on end if it was just about sex. For me there would be no last names, no job titles – I would even be weird about them seeing what type of car I drove! I know all of this about him.

I don’t know how I feel about her being pregnant. I guess, I am not entirely happy because it ties him to her even more – a second child… There is no hope for anything with him now… JESUS, where did that come from?! I need to stop thinking that shit right now, there was never any hope with this guy. It’s the wake up call I need. However, I don’t start seeing other people. I still stay right where I am, just fucking Noodle.

On the Tuesday morning, we have some more time together, he comes over later in the morning – not at the crack of dawn like usual, & stays till almost lunch time. We’re in bed teasing each other, we’ve been getting better at actually doing longer foreplay than just wanting his cock deep inside me within seconds of being naked. We’re kissing in bed, he’s on top of me, we’re about to fuck, I’m begging him to be inside me, he’s resisting because he hasn’t put a condom on yet. I say “Just fuck me” (meaning put on the condom & fuck me) but as he slides his cock inside me, without a condom, I don’t stop him… I want this… I haven’t fucked a guy without a condom for quite a while, I almost forgot how different it feels. It feels so divine, I never thought it could or would feel like this… I almost wish I’d been fucking him without a condom the whole time, this feels right. He tells me how good it feels for him too & we look at each other with this look of knowing there is no going back now – but also a look of should we be doing this? This changes everything. This changes the dynamic of what we have together, I know it seems like a small thing, but it’s significant. It’s only been 3 months since we started fucking, so this is fast, considering he’s got a partner who he definitely isn’t using condoms with. FUCK. Later he tells me “That was so hot this morning, Gonna have to try & NOT think about it all day” Yeah, I’m not sure how I’m going to get through the day without thinking about it either.

We don’t really talk about not using condoms anymore, but after that, we never use one again & it’s so much better… I forgot that there’s no interruption to get it out the draw & open it, put it on… Makes sex flow even better… Though I will miss when he’s kneeling above me, leaning over to get it out of the draw & him trying to open the packet, so I surprise him with a quick suck of his dick… I won’t do it AC (After condom hahaha) because it takes like plastic. Noodle has only gone down on me once after he’s fucked me & he said it tasted rank… Thanks Noodle! Hahaha. He just meant the plastic taste.

The next day driving to Murray Bridge for work, I see a message from Noodle saying “My wife says she’ll leave me if I join the gym” I literally look at the message for the longest time & don’t even know what to reply. Noodle & I have been talking about the gym a lot, I go a fair bit having found a little independent gym that I actually like & he’s been saying that he’s needing to go to the gym too. My first thought though to her wanting to leave him & his message to me is “Are you kidding me, that he’d let an ultimatum stop him from joining a gym?” but also I briefly think “What if she does leave him? Would we be together?” I don’t know what to say I am surprised at how weak he is really. I ask him if he’s going to let that stop him & he says “I don’t know, I didn’t think she’d threaten that.” I mean she’s been threatening to leave him for ages, he’s told me numerous times that she threatens to leave when things get tough or when she asks him if he’s cheating, saying that she’ll move to Tasmania, where her parents are going, taking their Son with her & he’ll never see him again. He tells me that he asks her why she doesn’t want him to go to the gym & she says “Cos I said so” WOW… Mature… Why would someone threaten someone else to make them stay with them? Also who are these women & why do they have a partner & I’m still single?

#IBD4U

Years ago, Like I’m talking about 8 years ago now – long before I started dating multiple men, I went out with a friend & was chatting to a semi nice looking guy when my friend I was over with started chatting to him about geeky things & ended up kinda phasing me out of the conversation. Whatever, she can have him… I had just lost a lot of weight so was feeling good about myself but still also had some self esteem issues. One of my reasons for losing weight was so boys would like me. (Yeah fucked up I know) I figured if I lost weight & looked better, then I’d get a boyfriend… I wish I could go back to 30 year old me & tell her that it doesn’t matter what you look like, if a man doesn’t want you, he doesn’t want you… DO THIS FOR YOU! Good advice now, but still working on it believing it.

Nearby was another guy, the perfect thing I needed that night after that swift move from my friend. A guy who was interested in me, he bought me all my drinks, every time I was at the bar, he was next to me with a $50 before I could pass over my $20 note (This was long before paywave!), he was completely adamant that women shouldn’t buy their own drinks. I’ve always been uncomfortable with men buying me drinks – not only could they spike it, but also because I don’t think I am that hot, people shouldn’t buy me drinks… But this night, I just let it happen. I did offer money, because that’s what I do, however he didn’t take it.

We kissed for a while, he was talking about how much he liked me but I wasn’t that interested in him – you know, for anything beyond this night, he wasn’t really my type but he’d served his purpose for the evening – not the drinks mule part that you’re probably thinking – I am not like that usually but he made me feel good about myself while I was a bit low… I clearly have issues, I know, you don’t need to think it. But when something crappy happens to me, I seek validation from someone else. Not a good pattern & I don’t know how to break it. (Clearly I still haven’t worked that out yet either, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog) So when he asked for my number, I got through the first 7 digits & wondered if I really wanted this guy to be calling me tomorrow. I don’t hesitate while giving out my number, but I gave him the last 3 but changed the last digit, good move! Oddly he must’ve sensed something because he then decided to try to call me & told me to answer it. FUCK… Who does that? I told him my bag with my phone was over with my friend, which was true, but I wasn’t going to get it.

To this day, it’s the first & only time I have ever fake numbered a guy, I mean lets be frank, I don’t often meet men in bars that ask for my number, I’m not the type of woman that men swan about like peacocks. Begging for her number… I’m still not really sure why I did it & I don’t think I’ll do it again because now I’m strong enough to just say “No I’m not giving you my number.” But that night, it was just what I needed… He seemed a bit possessive when I wouldn’t get my phone to show him that he’d called the right number & got a little full on… I decided to go grab my friend & get the fuck out of there…

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why my karma is so bad with men, because I treated his one so badly? I’m sure there are others I treated badly too, I’m not innocent & play a part in every story in this blog… But this is probably the worst thing I ever did to someone, that I can remember, I would hate if a guy did that to me, but then again, I don’t pursue people, if they don’t write back I don’t keep messaging them until they respond like some guys do. I pretty much write people off assuming that if they stop talking to me, then they died. Yes that’s right died, why else wouldn’t a guy want to spend time with me? Surely it’s because they died that they didn’t text me back or call me or try to see me again. I mean what other reason could there be? Hahaha.

#IBD4U

I just want to start this Noodle post by saying that I am glad that you are all still with me on this journey…  I appreciate it! I know the topics I discuss particularly in this series has some triggers for some people & believe me, I am not proud of how far this relationship has evolved but hopefully you just stick with me, reading it, judgement free…!

The next day, as if either of us need sex after the 3 hours we spent yesterday fucking at my house & at his work, but apparently he can’t get enough of me as he’s sneaking into my house on the Friday morning for another two hours… I really don’t know how he does it, but he seems to get away with being at my house every few days. This is the most a man has ever seen me that wasn’t Boyfriend (& he only saw me because we lived together!)

This is also probably the most I have ever seen Noodle, his job has changed quite a bit being that the store is closed, so I am not complaining, I am just concerned because I know what I am like… I have a guard up, men start off seeing me all the time, like several times a week, messages all the time, I let my guard down & then kind of fade away slowly… I treat people the same throughout the encounter/relationship etc, so if I see them a lot in the beginning, I expect that we will continue like that. I know I have high expectations & my friends tell me I do expect a lot from them but that’s just who I am, I like to see people a lot when I am seeing them… Why wouldn’t they want to see me too?

I know this can’t last & I am scared about how attached I am already… I haven’t fucked anyone else for a few weeks now, which isn’t long but when I started seeing Noodle I basically had 5 men in my rotation. I am down to one, who is showing me so much attention, the attention that I would want from a single man…

One morning at 5:50 am, I wake up to messages from Noodle, not unusual & not uncommon these days being that he’s always up earlier than me. We don’t take it in turns anymore, just whoever is up first! “Good morning hun, Your profile pic is stunning.” I know this is a joke message when I read that “You look like an angel. I’m 32 M down south that loves to eat pussy & can do it for hours” I laugh, this is something all men seem to say that they love going down on a woman & could do it for hours. ”Message me sexy baby when you wake up!” I literally am laughing out loud & smiling like an idiot as I respond telling him that he has a problem. That ”sexy baby” doesn’t even sound right coming from him. I love that he has this sense of humor… I am attracted to people who make me laugh, a lot.

Noodle tells me about a conversation with Leblek (from Shark) & shows me a screenshot, where she has been messaging him & tells him that every chick has fallen for him on the chat app. FUCK, why would she do that? She knows I’m with him. I get jealous, I don’t want others wanting him… Well I don’t care if others want him, what I care about is him wanting them back… So all I can say to that is ”Don’t get a big head” but in only the way he can, he puts my mind at ease, as if he can sense the jealously, ”I should already have one, if I pulled you” I love that response… That makes me so happy that he can sense my jealously. When he realises that he’s being too nice to me, he says that ”You’re just ok” so I snap back ”Fuck you… Go find someone better than me then!” he quickly responds & I think he’ll say something equally as douchey ”I don’t think it gets much better than you…” he also says that ”I don’t think anyone would fuck me like you do” WOW, that was unexpected.

I don’t see him over the weekend as his work is now basically shut & he’s working Monday to Friday. He comes over Monday morning for an hour, & then again on Tuesday morning – since he no longer is working late nights. On the Tuesday morning, I get up before he comes over & tie myself to my bed so that when he walks in, he sees me spread out for him. He always loves it when he sees me, I like to surprise him with something different. He spanks me & videos everything…

The next day I tell him that I checked our condom supply & its getting low, he says surely not there was 12 in the pack. I laugh & tell him not to worry, but we go through them very fast & that I still have some, so it’s all good. He tells me that it’s my fault… WHAT? My fault, how? ”Too irresistible. FUCK” Hahaha… He’s being way too nice to me! & why do I like it so much when he is so nice to me. Am I so starved for some affection that I am willing to lap up what this guy has to offer?

A couple of days later, Noodle is over after work for an hour, we fuck in the lounge room & as he’s pulling up his boxers, while I sit there recovering from multiple orgasms, he looks at his apple watch then at me & I can tell she’s calling him or messaging him. I’ve seen that look of horror before… He picks up his pants & digs around in his pocket for his phone & gets it out answering it, it is his partner – I can hear her & hear the way his voice changes. I wonder if she can tell too? He starts pacing around while on the phone. He tells her something about how she should’ve sent it back so I know she’s talking to him about a work related thing & it’s not about me or where he is. They both work for the same company, just at different stores & in different managerial positions – I’m not sure why she called him & didn’t ask someone at the store this question. I guess she has always been suspicious, I guess maybe she’s trying to catch him out? He hangs up & I don’t really pry him & ask if everything is ok, he seems stressed about the conversation, still pacing around while getting dressed & I again think that he’s going to back off a bit with me.

Again, it doesn’t stop him! In fact, it doesn’t even change how we are with each other at all… We even start with little nicknames for each other, I don’t really know how it came about but he starts calling me cute nicknames like marshmallow & lovebug after he says ”Just wanna squish you, you sexy white squishy little marshmallow” This is about the time that I start calling him “Gumdrop,” which he says he hates but I know he also loves it, I know how his mind works. It’s a bit like the nickname Noodle, he says he hates it & hates that everyone calls him that in the groups, but he loves it & it shows him that people care about him. Something he craves a lot after his childhood trauma.

It’s also around this time that he starts mentioning how I give him a weekly blowjob, he seems to think that its only weekly but he generally gets one every time we fuck! I love his cock & love it in my mouth. I never thought I would say that about a guys dick, but there you have it! We’re having sex more than once a week, so I’m sure he always gets a weekly blowjob from me!

Boy am I wrong about Noodle backing off, the next morning after the phone call afternoon, Noodle is coming over to my house for a morning romp as usual. He’s been to the store & opened it up returning to my house until I have to go to work. Seriously I love morning sex, it’s my favourite sex. We do it so well, he turns me on so much that I can’t stop this thing even if I tried… I have in my head so many times, tried to end it, how I would I do it, why I should end it. But I can’t… This is why, this is & this is literally the hardest thing that I have ever done! Do I have deeper feelings for this man?

As he standing at the door kissing me goodbye, he looks at his apple watch & pulls a face, while looking back at me, I again know that look… Its her… ”My wife just sent me a really weird message” I ask him what is it, which I don’t normally do because I don’t want to know what she’s saying, I honestly try not to think about her as much as possible. But he says that “She said that I’ll never see Linkin Park again.” Now Linkin Park is one of my favourite bands of all time, even my last car was named Chester after the lead singer. Noodle & I have talked about music, we have very similar tastes. Linkin Park is one of his favourites too. We had also worked out that we were at the same concert a few years ago too, not that we would have met, but I kind of think that as a bit of a sign, I mean the universe knows we should be together. Oddly the universe has put us in the same place at the same time a few times over the years… He used to date one of my employees when I was a manager at Foodland, I was with Boyfriend then so we wouldn’t have known each other but I find it odd that we would have crossed paths. Noodle & I have also worked out that we chatted several times on the anonymous app more recently, but because we don’t message people first, we both stopped chatting to each other. UNIVERSE! I don’t normally believe in that stuff, the timing wasn’t right then, but is the timing right now?

Anyway Noodle & I don’t think much of the text message & he turns to leave my house but smacks straight into the screen door, because it’s almost see through. I can’t help but laugh, but try not too because I know he’ll feel like an idiot for doing that. If I did that, I would laugh my head off & make them laugh too, being a bit of a larkin, but I know he isn’t like that. I laugh quietly to myself later all day but after he leaves I google what happened to Linkin Park only to find out that Chester has committed suicide. I literally message Noodle immediately & start playing their albums on repeat. Oddly all the lyrics to their songs, somehow, remind me how fragile this thing is with Noodle & how scared I am that I’m going to lose it…

#IBD4U

While Noodle & I talk every day, it’s a bit longer between the Saturday all day visit till the Wednesday when he comes over in the morning. I’m in bed of course when he gets there, after all it’s 6:30 am & my alarm doesn’t usually go off till 7:15 am, though I’m usually awake before he gets there anyway because I know he’s coming & I’m excited…

He climbs into bed with me & starts the usual rubbing my side all over till I roll over & face him, kissing his ridiculously minty breath. He smells divine that I think that just the smell of his deodorant (which I’m pretty sure is just a supermarket antiperspirant spray) will tip me over the edge. When we fuck he reaches over to get a vibe out of my draw & uses it on me, I cringe but also enjoy his cock in me wile he has a toy on my clit. I am almost cumming on his cock when he turns the fucking thing off… I cry out “Prick” but he just laughs… Fuck you Noodle… I actually say his real name, which I never do with a guy, I never say their name… He starts going again & I am almost cumming when he stop again… What a fucking jerk… I call him more names while he just chuckles… Finally I start begging him to let me cum & this time he does, the build has been so intense that I am cumming on his cock so hard, arching my back & eyes going blurry. I am so sated after that, that I don’t know how I keep going & cum again right before he does – but I do!

We’re texting the rest of the day (of course) & he says that he’s about to finish work, I am home so I suggest that he comes over for a afternoon delight, even though we fucked for hours this morning, I find that that more I get sex, the more I want it… I want it daily… He says that he can’t & he should go home & I can’t help but hide my disappointment, I mean I guess this guy can’t just fuck me whenever I want, he does have a family, with a phone tracking partner… So I write it off, hating that I even asked him because I don’t ever ask him to come see me, I generally wait for him to be free.

Sitting on the couch, waiting for him to respond & feeling like an idiot, I hear a car pull up in my driveway, I am tempted to look, but I don’t want to be disappointed that it’s not Noodle & just a mail man or a neighbour, but before I even get to the window, there’s a knock at my door, I open it & Noodle is standing there… Before I even register I say, “What are you doing here?” as I open the door, which is stupid because I just asked him to come, he grabs me as he says “This” kissing me & walking me backwards into my bedroom, we’re naked & fucking within less than a minute of him being in my house… Jesus this man is just as taken with me as I am with him! We fuck, connecting so quickly with such passion that I think that no one else in the world has the chemistry we have, no one else has ever fucked like this… He later tells me that he thinks this was the most risky fuck we’ve ever had, I don’t really agree, since we’ve fucked in his work before… But he seems to think so, but his partner is at work, so I’m not sure why he thinks that. However, it was so amazing, I don’t even care!

A few days later on Friday morning, Noodle is sneaking into my bed at 6:00 am again, I ask him when he has to be at work but he tells me that he’s already been to the store, unlocked it & come to my house, so he can leave when I need to go to work. Hmmm… This is a new thing… If his work finds out, he’s fucked! The following Monday he does the same, sneaking into my bed, he’s doing this so much now that I am leaving my keys under the mat the night before in the hopes that he would rock up & genuinely wake me up for sex. I am already awake sort of when he does get into bed with me at 6:00 am, he’s done the same again, gone to the store, unlocked it & come to mine… We have sex usually him on top & pinning me down because that what’s gets me going pretty quickly, since we only have a short time together & he likes to see me struggle. We’ve both become more vocal during sex, this is probably the first time I have been ok with chatting to a guy while fucking, telling him what I want & asking him to do things or begging him to make me cum.

When I first embarked on this kinky journey, I have watched enough porn to know that I would absolutely never be ok with a guy slapping me across the face or degrading me by calling me names like ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ nor would they ever force me to suck their cock… Well it turns out that I love being made to suck Noodle’s cock, that it turns me on A LOT. I also have found that I love when he calls me ‘His Slut’ – I still don’t like bitch but I do like it when he refers to me as his & the fact that he likes to call me slut. I know it’s not derogatory as if he’s calling me a name, but it’s all part of the scene. I know he likes it & I grow to actually love it. I mean even when he calls me ‘His mistress’, I feel like there’s something naughty & hot about that… I know that I shouldn’t be enjoying this at all, but fuck it turns me on!

A few days later Noodle is sneaking into my house, this time I am up & waiting for him, I am naked this time, finally building up the courage being that he’s seen me naked so many times, in so many different positions, that I shouldn’t be self-conscious of my body with this man, he knows every inch of it, he’s touched every inch of it, he’s basically kissed every inch of it. He likes what he sees of course, I mean what guy wouldn’t like walking into their mistresses house to find them naked waiting for him? We fuck in the chair in my lounge room before I suck his cock while he video’s it… Why is videoing so hot? I hate seeing myself in the videos but I do enjoy how much he enjoys it!

I have been buying so many condoms, as you can imagine, we use several per session, so I tell him that we’re running low, knowing that I will pick some up this weekend when at the shops. I usually buy them online because the pack sizes are bigger & cheaper, but I need them right away.

On the Wednesday I’m off work again, (Am I ever at work? Hahaha! While he has more time, I have been taking some days off for other things but in the hopes that he would see me too… Which he does.) He rocks up at my house at 11:00 am with a packet of condoms, the correct brand & latex free ones that I buy – he has told me that he hasn’t used condoms in a while (Obviously) but these ones are really thin & they apparently don’t feel as shit as condoms used too… I am a bit excited that he’s paid attention to the condoms I use & taken the initiative to buy some! We fuck at my house for two hours, but again my favourite part is just laying with him afterwards & just chatting in person, cuddling each other. We’ve actually been lucky that we haven’t had that many miscommunications while chatting online & ghosted each other, because we don’t often get to talk face to face.

Later that day we’re still chatting of course & he says that everyone has left the store & he’s there by himself so he suggests that I come over to fuck him in the office again, I jump at the chance… When he tells me to bring a vibrator, I instantly get wet… I slip a condom or two in my pocket & head over to his store at 4:00 pm. There is no one in the back carpark, so I park next to his car & message him to tell him I am there & wait for him to pop out & get me. He takes me straight into a different office, telling me that this one is the only one that’s still got stuff in it & the one he’s using. He shuts the door, even though we’re the only ones here, I am still conscious that any manager could potentially rock up unannounced. This time we’re both naked & he’s fucking me facing him while sitting on the desk & using the vibrator on me over & over again, till I cum so many times I lose count, before pulling me up & turning me around roughly, grabbing my hands behind my back, I think what the fuck is he going to tie my hands with or will he just hold them – I didn’t bring rope or cuffs… He reaches in front of me for a computer cord, when I feel him using that to tie my hands behind my back, I moan with excitement & feel the excitement between my legs build. He fucks me from behind till I am cumming (As if that takes long with this guy). He’s not done so he sits down & with my hands still tied, I am fucking him, straddling him in the chair. He doesn’t cum, saying that he came this morning so finds it hard to cum again. He doesn’t seem to mind & it’s not the first time he hasn’t cum with me.

FUCK that was hot! I tell him later how impressed I was at his improvisation & he is proud that he did that… I know he’s not really that experienced with kink & he’s always worried about looking stupid with me, so I need to give him some reassurance too… That was seriously the best improvisation I’ve ever had…

#IBD4U

Noodle is constantly saying things in the groups about how hot I am, I always say that he’s lying – that’s our banter, when he says stuff about me but then he says to the group “Ummm one dude just called you hot another beautiful, I don’t think I’m lying somehow” I am secretly loving the things he says, that I screenshot his comments… I’m not sure why, maybe because I want to remember that feeling when I initially read it. When he tells everyone that I’m the hottest in the group or when he uses heart eye emojis when I update my profile picture & he tells me in private that he likes my picture but he also tells the groups the same, making it so obvious that he’s into me. I like it & it makes me feel so special. *Screenshot!*

Before all this, I don’t think I mentioned that Sweetie is probably one of the only ones I’ve told that I am actually fucking Noodle, she’s become more a friend than Max & I tell her a bit, but not too much, when one day I see a message pop up on my screen from her “Do you think Noodle would sleep with me?” FUCK! That’s unexpected… I feel my heart beat faster & this weird feeling come over me. Would he fuck her? I don’t want him too… I don’t want to ask him but I also don’t want her to ask him… I have to deal with this… I don’t know what these feelings are, but fucking hell, is it jealously? Why do I care who he fucks? I’m also a little upset with her, she knows how much of a struggle it is to meet men & has seen on all the drama on the chat app of people who share men, that I don’t know why she would ask. I tell her this, but I also decide to have a conversation with Noodle about it too… I’m scared about what he’ll say, will he say that he wants too? Will he want her over me? I mean she has 4 kids so she doesn’t have as much time as me, but I don’t want him to choose me over her because of convenience.

I explain to her that I don’t want a guy to come between us & that I didn’t think that she’d ever pursue a guy that I was seeing. (I guess this is completely nuts to say to someone after I have just fucked her husband for the last 5 months!) But FUCK I am jealous… Ok I admit it… I am jealous… FUCK I am jealous… Damn it. I know that Noodle doesn’t find Sweetie as attractive as he does me, that’s been established by him telling me how much he likes me. I tell him what Sweetie has asked & he says that he wouldn’t fuck her without me. PHEW! I toy with the idea of a 3sum with him & her. But I am not ready to share Noodle yet… I feel like I don’t get enough time with him as it is, despite how this blog seems, it’s seems like I never get to see him… However I mean we talk all the fucking time, so I probably talk to him more & see him more than his partner does! What a relief that he doesn’t want her…

A couple of days later, I am seeing him again, he comes over much earlier at 5:30 am. I mean, for him, he’d have to get up at 4:30 am to be dressed & at mine by 5:30 am, he lives about 20-25 minutes south from me, so he has the drive & also has to get ready for work too, so not to raise suspicion with his partner.

I’m in bed with the door unlocked & he meets me in bed. We don’t have long this morning, he’s only at my house just over an hour, he wakes me up with his cold body, rubbing his hands all over me, kissing the back of neck as I always like him to spoon me when he gets into bed with me, once we fuck, with him doing his signature move with me, my legs on his shoulders, pinning my wrists to the bed, I am unable to move or stop myself from cumming, I briefly wonder later how his partner stops herself from cumming with him, I find it impossible… There is no way I could even stop if I tried… I roll over & take charge again, sitting up on him & riding his cock. I stop to grab a vibe when he grabs my phone & takes picture of me, which of course I hate but he loves… He tells me later “You look amazing on top of me arched back riding me” with a heart eye emoji. He tells me that he likes when I am confident & that he “Aims to make you feel as sexy as you actually are! Confident #IBD4U is fucking hot” Wow… This is unexpected for Noodle to be saying to me, he usually isn’t like this, but recently, I guess he knows that if he wants this to keep going, I need something more than just sex with him. He tells me that “Sex with you is amazing” that “Horny #IBD4U is fucking hot, sex with you is amazing! – Yeah I wanna fuck you again…” JEEZ! We are in so deep here… I love when he says stuff like this to me – more screenshots, do I actually like this guy? Does he like me? Am I just a fuck to him?

This week Noodle has been planning being with me all day Saturday, his partner is at work, he’s pretending to have to work & so he just has to get someone to look after their son so he can come to my house. He works it out that his mum will have the kid so he says he can come over whenever I am free after around 7:30 am. Now remember this is the night after the last time I saw Origin, I didn’t have sex with him but we’d had the weed muffin, I was so tired & I barely woke up to message Noodle to tell him I am awake. I hope that I wake up when he gets here… I don’t like this lethargic feeling. It’s fucked, I want to wake up. Noodle crawls into bed with me & snuggles into my back… This is where I want him to stay, this feels so good when I am this sleepy. He is constantly rubbing his hands up & down my sides, it feels divine, I want to wake up properly & enjoy this but my head doesn’t seem to want to cooperate.

I don’t tell Noodle what I did last night with Origin because I don’t want him to judge me for taking drugs & I also know that he gets jealous of other guys, even though we aren’t exclusive. I try to be awake & just blame it on drinking too much & having a hangover, we fuck & lay there just chatting, me facing him & him stroking my hair.. Have I died & gone to heaven? Fucking hell I adore this… Around lunch time Noodle says that he’s going to get some food, I start to panic, thinking he’s not going to come back – I don’t know why, I mean he can’t really go home now being that his kid is being babysat, but he does come back & brings me back Hungry Jacks (Burger King for those places other than SA) which we eat in bed. I have perked up a little, but this is not what I had planned for this amazing day that we planned. I didn’t expect to want to be comatose the whole day, I also tell him I am dreading going to Sweetie’s birthday tonight too… WAKE UP GEOFF! Fucking hell, this guy is here for the whole day with you & you can’t wake the fuck up for him.

When Noodle suggests a bath, I think yes, that’ll wake me up, we’ve had sex several times but it’s not really kinky or different… I hate this – I want to be kinky with him all the time, I don’t want to give him straight run of the mill sex… I run the bath & we get in, this time I am down then other end & face him with my legs up on his chest. We sit there chatting & relaxing, let me tell you that this is by far my favourite thing to do with Noodle! I love this day, I mean I wish I was awake & I can’t wait till we somehow do it again but this guy just makes me feel so good that I am fucked… Am I catching feelings for this guy? No, shut that fucking down, right now!

Later Noodle tells me that he felt like I didn’t want him there that day (OMG if only he knew how much I loved it…) & also how pissed he was that I told him that I didn’t want to be with Max & Sweetie that night, yet I did play with them… WTF? NO WAY… I wanted him there more than anything, I actually loved it, just relaxing in bed & the bath with him, it’s was a pure bliss day for me, besides the fact I was completely wiped out… I do eventually confess to him that I had a weed muffin the night before & that’s why I was so out of it, that I did want him there, more than I wanted anything. I also meant what I said about not wanting to play with Max & Sweetie, that wasn’t a lie… At this point, I haven’t ever lied to Noodle about our relationship, I have told some white lies but I haven’t told him anything to boost his ego. I do love fucking him & I did want him there. I feel fucking horrible that he felt that way, it definitely was not my intention… FUCK!

Ironically after this day, I never see Origin again, nor do I see Max again. I am down to this one guy, the one thing I was trying to avoid was only fucking one guy… I was happy exploring the kinky side of things with everyone, but now I am down to just Noodle… Do you want to know the fucked thing about that? Is that I only want Noodle… I could find another guys to fuck me, I could probably find a distraction easily, I could even end things with Noodle, but even writing that hurts me… I can’t end it with this guy, I have to see this through… I have to see where this goes.

#IBD4U

It doesn’t take long before I am seeing Noodle again, Tuesday is our usual day. I am home from work when he mentions that he should come over before work too being that his partner is already at work so he can leave his house & be at mine by 9:30 am, he pops over in the morning for an hour before he starts work, we fuck as usual, me never having enough of him & always being disappointed when he leaves. But a few hours later at 7:00 pm, he’s on his way back to my house which he stays longer than he usually does. WOW twice in one day! & a lot longer than usual, I guess with his store closing down, he has more of an excuse to do extra hours & being a manager, his pay wouldn’t change so it isn’t suspicious. I’m not complaining, I love fucking this guy! A lot… Way more than I should!

I ask him to video us again which he does, tying me up & spanking me, then making me give him a blow job in front of the mirror. Remember how much I said I hated being forced to do that? How things change! I get more turned on now when he forces me. I mean I still like to surprise him with it but I love when he gets all dominant with me. He videos the blow job & I actually look quite good, my eyelashes have just been done, my hair is washed & straight, I don’t look fat at this angle… So I hold onto his cock & lick it from the base to the tip then take it in my mouth, sucking down on it, while rubbing the length of it with my hand, making ‘hmmm’ noises as I enjoy it just as much as he does. The video is hot as fuck & the gif I make with my phone is even better. Jesus Christ it’s fucking hot!

He tells me that we haven’t been having much bed sex lately, which I say “We can’t just have bed sex if that’s what you do with your wife? Have to do things she won’t do, or wht is the point?” He agrees “Yeah no point really… It’s so fucking hot you want to do things my wife won’t do for me too… Fuck did I get lucky & pick the right chick to have an affair with…” Yeah I guess you did Noodle!

We’ve also sort of already fallen into this thing where we don’t really take it in turns as much anymore with the good morning message but it tends to be whoever is awake first will be the first to message. Noodle usually wakes up before me so he messages me first a lot which I really like. I tell him that I’m in debt to him owing him a few good mornings but he says “The things you let me do to you… your in no debt to me” Hmmm, very true

We also talk about me being single when he says to me “I’m pretty sure if you put yourself actually on the market you could pull some single guys, your an amazing chick that deserves so much better than married guys fucking you. You just gotta deal with the competition part that comes with dating.” Yeah that’s the problem Noodle… If only he knew all these douches I had dated & what led me here to be fucking him!

By now, the store has closed down but they don’t have another store for Noodle to go to yet, so they have asked him to be the supervisor of all the workmen while the store gets pulled apart. He has to do this for a couple of weeks & then is going on 5 weeks annual leave, which makes me sad. We’ve been fucking every week for a month, I kind of like that statistic & I figure that once he’s on leave he won’t be able to see me because he doesn’t really go out ever & won’t have an excuse to be out, even when she’s at work. I guess it’ll be hard for him.

With the store being shut now, only just being dismantled, he’s only required really to be there to open & lock up the store, so he comes to my house on Sunday from 9:00 am until 12:00 pm, I am not really sure how he gets away with it, but I am not complaining at all, I mean this is what I want, someone who wants to be with me, no matter what it costs them. This is what I wanted every guy I’ve ever liked to do. It’s just fucking shit that it’s a man in a relationship that is the one to finally be the one who wants me… I do think about what it would be like if he were single, would the sex be as hot? Would he be a douche trying to fuck everyone & I wouldn’t mean anything to him, just another conquest that he’d ghost when I say something bitchy? Or would we have the life I envisage? FUCK! No… I can’t envisage a life with this guy… No way… There is no life with this guy, there is no future with this guy. But honestly at this point Max is barely seeing me, Noodle is paying me so much attention & I lap it up like a loser.

The following Tuesday, Noodle isn’t working Tuesday nights anymore due to the store being closed. He has to be there early to unlock the doors for the tradies & then he sits in the office or in his car watching Netflix – OMG I want this job! Hahaha. So at 6:30 am, I get up & am waiting for him when he gets to my house, in a little nightie thing & a big fluffy dressing gown (the only fucking thing I own! I don’t want to look like his partner – I imagine her in a big fluffy thing), being that it’s cold, the end of June & I make a mental note to look for a sexier dressing gown to wear on these occasions… This looks ridiculous! But I also want to surprise him with the reveal of the nightie underneath, not just be in it when he walks in the door… I have a plan for this morning… I have the door unlocked so he just walks in & I’m in the lounge room waiting for him, ready to undress him the second he walks in. I’ve decide to show my dominant side today… He’s surprised that I am out of bed & even says so, even mentions that I have the heater on.. Yeah because I have a plan, dude… We’re not fucking in my bedroom today… I have a vibe & some rope hidden so he can’t see.

I kiss him & undress him… He tells me later that he loves being undressed by me, it makes him feel special. Yeah I’d have to agree, I like it when a guy actually takes the time to take off your clothes & looks at you like he’s never seen anything so beautiful… Well I’ve only had that with one guy so far & I’m standing in front him taking off his clothes trying to make him feel the same. I push him backwards once he’s naked on to the low decorative chair & I reveal that I have rope close by. He chuckles & asks what I have in mind for him. I tie his ankles to each leg of the chair & then his wrists to the back legs of the chair. I suck his cock a little while I’m busy tying him down. Still is this fucking ridiculous dressing gown, I stand up & ask him if he wants me to take it off, he says yes (of course!) & I slowly undo the tie & slip it down my shoulders revealing my most sexy item of lingerie I have at the time & he lets out a breath as he sees me that I know I have pleased him & he likes what he sees. I kneel in front of him & suck his cock while he’s tied to the chair, I stop & he moans & asks what I’m doing. I stand up & walk backwards keeping eye contact with him, not explaining what I’m doing. I jump up so I’m sitting the edge of the pool table & I sit there starting at him, I spread my legs open, find the vibe that I put on the table & turn it on when he lets out a loud “Hmmm.” I turn it on & place it between my legs making him watch what I’m doing to myself while he’s tied up. He says to me “Fuck me, that is so hot.”

While I feel so self-conscious, I am able to keep going because watching him squirm in the chair & asking me to untie him, turns me on more & I am cumming within a few minutes. Once I’m done he begs me to fuck him, he’s struggled so much that he’s hands are out of the ties I tied. (I’m not very good with rope obviously!) I straddle his lap, slide on a condom & ride him, his hands are now free so they’re on my ass helping. I somehow cum so quickly like this when he tells me to get my phone. I do as I’m told & give it to him, he tells me to ride him again but not facing him. He takes a video of me fucking him reverse cowgirl style (I feel like my ass looks giant in this video… I hate it, but he tells me later how much he loves it!) We both cum this way & I can tell you that this was one of the hottest times we’ve fucked for me as I am in control & I am more confident that I ever have been with a man…

#IBD4U

I don’t honestly see what Noodle sees in me, I actually can’t work out what any guys sees in me to be honest, (I know, I know I have confidence issues, I promise I am working on them!) I tell him that I am pretty bitchy really & get really angry easily – especially when I don’t get sex, so not sure why he is bothering with me… He says “You actually don’t come across that bitchy. Come across flirty, fun, easy going, and dirty. Come across quite attractive plus you always pick a super cute photo of yourself” WOW that’s not what I expected from him… This guy seriously is a mega douche, he’s been involved in a stupid rift between a few groups of people on the chat app & I’m not even sure why or what it’s about, I somehow think it’s jealously on his part because he thinks that everyone wants to fuck me on the app & he’s scared I’ll leave him for someone else… Whenever someone shows interest in me he acts like a cunt to them or makes it known that he thinks I’m hot, so that I’ll flirt with him in the group, with heart eye emojis so people know that I’m interested in him & he’s into me – all without telling them.

In private Noodle is so sweet to me. He’s told me that he’s a douche to his partner all the time & that’s one of the reasons he won’t leave her, so I don’t know why he treats me differently. I mean he is douchy to me too, I’m not saying that he’s perfect, he’s far from it, but he’s always giving me confidence & making me feel good about myself… Is this who he is? Or is it me that brings out a softer side?

The next day, Sunday, Noodle, is at work & comes over for his lunch break… I know he’s coming & he tells me that he doesn’t have much time, which of course I know being that he is only on his lunch break, so I decide to answer the door in just my panties. I can’t do it naked because I am conscious of my belly, I have an small overhang from losing weight so I am so self-conscious of it, so when he walks in the door I am just in black lace panties. I am shaking like a leaf, I have never done this before, I am so scared & so excited at the same time. I mean he doesn’t know what he’ll be walking into with me, I haven’t told him I’ll be almost naked so I see his eyes pop out of his head a little as his says ‘fuck’ walking straight to be throwing his stuff on my couch & kissing me… I am unbuttoning his shirt before our lips even meet. This man! What is it about this man? I cannot get enough of him… We’ve been seeing each other more than once a week & chatting every day & I can’t get enough of him, I always want to chat to him, I always want him touching me… We’re naked & fucking, me cumming again within seconds of him being inside me. I don’t know how he gets me to cum without touching my clit, but fucking hell, I am always on the edge with him! I am then on my knees in my bedroom in front of my mirror quicker than I care to admit, sucking his cock while he videos it again… I can’t wait to see the video!

When Noodle tells me later when I am probing him for some reassurance of how I look & how I perform with him, he tells me “I’d like to think I make you feel pretty sexy… I have noticed your confidence increase so yeah. You have no idea how much you blow my fucking mind & how hot I find you… & blow my cock” I tell him “You do make me feel sexy… I could never open the door naked or suck someone’s cock like I did if I didn’t feel that way, I actually didn’t mind looking in the mirror as I was sucking your cock.” It makes me feel much better knowing that he is able to reassure me a little. I tell him “It’s ridiculous how much I want to please you & have you fuck me” Jesus where did that come from? He says “Wow did you just admit that to me?” I of course say no, thinking fuck, did I? But laughing to myself, why did I just admit that too him? He says “Well if it helps I fucking really enjoy fucking you & pleasing you” We are in deep fucking trouble… It’s not even been a month of fucking! However its been 3 months of chatting!

The Monday before I see Noodle, I have to work late & when I say I may be at work all night & late tomorrow he seems to get a bit disappointed that he might not see me Tuesday night. But then he acts like a douche & says he doesn’t care, so I say “Oh well you won’t be disappointed when I tell you, I’ve got a laser appointment tomorrow night & actually can’t have sex after it… Wasn’t sure how to tell you, but now you don’t care so doesn’t matter.” He asks if I’m being serious, I say yeah we can just watch Shameless. he says “Your fucking with me right?” (I quote him with the grammar as he wrote it to me!) so I say that we can just snuggle on the couch & watch TV with popcorn he realises that I am joking with him “Yeah your shitting me now, hahaha fuck you.” I tell him to admit that he was sad, & eventually he says he was a little sad – especially after I send him a picture of me lying in bed naked, then he asks “Seriously, I can fuck you right?” Hahaha… Yes Noodle, you can fuck me after laser!

The following Tuesday night Noodle comes over straight after work, we fuck quickly as always, like we can’t do anything else. We tease each other a lot & really connect while having sex, I know I keep saying this but I haven’t ever connected like this with a man before, even with Boyfriend. This is the most intimate & sensual sex I’ve ever had, even though it’s sometimes very kinky. I look at him & he looks at me, I feel him with more than his actual touch, I feel his breath, I feel his beard, without sounding like a wanker but I feel his soul… (Urgh, what! Hahaha)

He touches me like he wants me & like he actually thinks I am the sexiest thing he has ever fucked, I know he is the sexiest man I have ever fucked before (not that he will believe that), I want him to feel sexy too, which he is cocky about but sometimes he does lack confidence about his looks , I want him to know that he is sexy to me. That I cannot get enough of him, that I don’t think the bad things that he thinks about himself – he thinks he has a small cock – he doesn’t at all… He’s the only man that’s ever been able to make me cum with just his cock & make me squirt like a porn star without even touching my clit, that I don’t even know why he thinks that. He also thinks that he has a big gut, but he really doesn’t, he’s worked so hard to get where he is, loosing weight, that I find him incredibly sexy.

We are lying there sated, when his phone starts ringing, he says “Fuck” staring at it for ages, his finger hovering over the answer or reject button. I see that it’s his partner. So I turn away trying to give him privacy. He says hello as is if’s perfectly normal to be naked in my bed & answering the phone to his partner – I’m taken back to the time Max answered the phone while fucking me, to his wife. But this is different, she doesn’t know where he is or what he is doing… I hear her sobbing & he looks at me panic stricken, sitting up, I hear him asking what’s wrong, but he sits up & I try not to listen. He says “Alright, I’ll leave work now, bye.” & I think what the fuck has happened? He tells me that one of their cats have been run over & is dead so he has to go home & clean up the mess for her. I say that I am sorry but he seems preoccupied now, however he still kisses me goodbye several times, saying sorry that he has to leave. We chat later that evening about how scared he was that when he answered & she was crying that she had found out about me. I mean that went though my mind but surely she wouldn’t be crying straight away once she found out about me? Surely she’d confront him before crying about it? Who knows, I’ve never been a cheater to be honest, nor do I know her, but he tells me she’s a bit of a crier. I think this is going to calm things down a bit with him & I, being that we’re seeing each other at least twice a week, I think it’s going to scare him, but it doesn’t.

The following Sunday, I am on my way home from brunch, chatting to Noodle when he says to come visit him at his store, he’s in the office & wants to fuck me there. I am scared for this but I am also turned on to fuck him at his work, while the store is open, I text him when I get to the store, parking next to his car & waiting for him to pop his head out the back door. It’s so naughty, he sneaks me in, I’m worried about cameras so I try to act normal, like I’m supposed to be there, we walk though the corridors to his office. He tries to lock the door but it doesn’t lock so he quickly kicks a crate against the door then is kissing me as I take off my jacket. This is going to be quick, but I know I am wet enough for him, just from the thought of him fucking me in his office on the drive here. We unbutton each other’s pants so quickly & I’m rolling a condom on for him & I back onto the desk, sitting facing him, kissing him as I grab his cock to help slide into me at this angle… My jeans & boots still on around my ankles… This is the first time we’ve fucked outside of my house & with clothes on.

What a surprise I cum really quickly, he takes a little longer of course, though I’m sure he could cum quickly if he wanted too, I’m lucky that I can cum multiple times. So he pulls me up to stand & turns me around to bend me over the desk, this is hot… Next minute he’s in my ass, with the same speed he was in my vagina, he’s fucking my ass & I love it. He’s pulling my hair as leverage to fuck me harder… This is ridiculously dirty but so fucking hot, I am cumming again, biting my lip so as not to make noise as he cums too. We’re both sweaty & breathing heavy as we pull our pants up when he says “Fuck I think I made you bleed” I look over as he’s taking off the condom & say “No, you were in my ass” He smiles, doing up his pants, then grabs me & kisses me harder than he has. Like he just realised how hot that was. Later we talk about it & he says that he’s never accidentally fucked someone’s ass before & not known about it. I explain that I get so wet so don’t need lube, he says he knows & he says that he loves how wet I get, he thinks it so hot but wants to know in future if he’s fucking my ass…. Wouldn’t it feel different? Perhaps not!

#IBD4U

Chatting in the groups on the chat app a chick who we’ll call Leblek started chatting to me, we’d been chatting as friends in the groups, we were in multiple groups together but then she started messaging me privately seemingly to hook up me up with her partner Shark… I don’t always get that dynamic, but I haven’t been with a proper partner for like 10 years at this point, so I have no idea what couples do. In the real scheme of things, I am still fairly new to kink & swinging worlds so I am not sure what people do. I mean this was before I had the 3sum with Max & Sweetie when I first started talking to them.

I chat with Shark too, we’re all friends from the groups so it’s not weird but to be honest, I really put in no effort with him… I feel bad now for that, being that he’s become a very good friend, but I never message him first ever, I still have Max & Origin in the mix at this time & I am getting closer to Noodle, I’ve finally said goodbye to Rob Rob before the infamous Switch. I don’t want to add another complication into the mix. I am also not a bi-sexual, I know women don’t turn me on, I have since been labelled bi-friendly, meaning I don’t mind playing with couples, however at this point I’d only really started toying with the idea of playing with Max & Sweetie, so I am not sure if I even like that?

Leblek decides that she wants to meet me for a drink with Shark after work one day & after much talking with her & putting it off, I agree to meet them for a drink, a drink can’t hurt can it? A drink only… I’m not going home with them. It’s actually the evening of the day of the first time I ever met Noodle (These stories all intertwine! Sorry if it’s confusing!) I’m on holidays so we decide on a drink. So after meeting Noodle & having that wow lunch with him, I really want to bail on meeting this couple. However, I don’t, they know Noodle from the groups only & I tell them that I met him earlier, even though it’s a big secret in the groups that we’re chatting (I’m still not sure why we do that, but we do, probably because he has a partner & kid, I’m not sure. Avoid the judgement maybe) But I can’t shake the amazing lunch I just had so I am not really into this meet & greet really.

I walk into the pub & find a chick with long curly hair, she’s super tall & a bigger build than me that I feel so short & tiny. Also she’s not what I expected from her pictures she shares in the groups. We hug hello & look for a place to sit down, we wait for Shark to arrive but the first thing Leblek asks me if I have fucked Noodle, I laugh & don’t lie, I haven’t fucked him but she doesn’t believe me, so I tell her that I only met him today for lunch, she seems more excited than me, telling me that our chemistry & banter in the group turns her on. Others are noticing my chemistry with Noodle… FUCK! Shark rocks up & we have another drink, we all talk easily & I enjoy their company despite not really wanting to be there.

Next time I see them is at Switch, the infamous one where Max kisses our friend from the chat app. I end up kissing Sweetie, Leblek & Shark. It’s a fun night besides that, but I remember the look on Shark’s face when he saw how much is bothered me that Max was off kissing other women. His expression was like ‘don’t worry about it’ but he knew that it bothered me, in fact everyone was consoling me more than Sweetie that night, she didn’t seem to care. I cared because I was there with him & wouldn’t expected more, he’s there with 2 women, does he need a third? Also Max had been in the groups & he was hard to get along with in a group setting, so I think Shark didn’t really like him… After this evening, he sure as hell didn’t like him.

Afterwards, I talk less to Leblek but more to Shark, he is constantly asking me to come play with them, I am not as attracted to them as I was with Max & Sweetie, but I want to know if I even like playing with couples – the elusive unicorn.

I never tell Noodle that I am going to play with this couple, I’m not sure why, but I suppose no one knows about Noodle & I fucking, so I don’t need to tell him others I’m fucking… I’m not exclusive with anyone at the moment, so I can do whatever I want!

I arrange to see Shark & Leblek at their house which is an hour & a half away from me on the other side of town, I give myself an afternoon with a time limit due to meeting a girlfriend for dinner so I have an out if this doesn’t go well – I even set an alarm so I won’t be late to dinner. They invite me in & we all sit down to have a drink, it’s pretty easy chatting to them, mainly about people in the groups really, we have a couple of drinks before Leblek says “Alright you two, get in the shower” Um what? Get in the shower? I showered before I came here, because this morning I was actually fucking Max & having my ass spanked till it was red raw. She tells me Shark likes to shower, but when I see the size of their shower, I wonder how the fuck were going to even fit, let alone play in there…

I am awkward about this, but Shark takes me into the bathroom, turning on the shower & we get naked & get in there… We’re kissing & touching, I’m wondering the whole time about what Leblek is doing when I look to see her looking around the corner like a weirdo… She looks like the ultimate creep & I feel uncomfortable. I don’t know how to relax when I can just see the top of her head & eye ball staring at us… We get out the shower & go into their bedroom, Leblek strips off her dress & they both take turns on going down on me before I roll over & because we’ve talked about my pain threshold, I offer up my butt for them to spank because I am not feeling this, I am not a bisexual & I don’t think I want to play with couples. I’m not sure if it’s them or me, but I know this isn’t what I’m about. I also can’t stop thinking about Noodle, what would he think if he knew where I was? I know he doesn’t particularly like Leblek but I don’t know why I care about that, but I do!

They spank my ass so much & Shark tries to hit is as hard as he can, but it doesn’t hurt – well it does but I like it, it turns me on just lying there & being spanked, Leblek uses her nails up & down my back which causes red lines, they are both enjoy making me & I do enjoy being their toy, but I definitely know I don’t want something more sexual with them. I never have sex with them, I don’t even suck his cock, Leblek does & makes him cum, but I basically don’t even touch them.

My alarm goes off & while I have enjoyed myself with a few awkward moments, I have also been counting down the minutes, Leblek has made things a bit weird for me, I don’t know if she’s too eager or what, but it’s made it a bit awkward. I head out to dinner.

The next day chatting to Shark, he asks me if I want to see them again. While I’m happy to be their friend, I definitely don’t want to play with her again. So I tell him part of the story, that I don’t want to play with couples again, which is partly true. It’s not entirely my thing at all. But I can’t tell him that she weirded me out.

A few short months later, Leblek leaves Shark for someone else she found on the chat app, this chat app kills relationships… I have become great friends with Shark & he confides in me about his feelings, I message him though the debacle. I feel sorry for him & have no idea what to say. I don’t catch up with him but I do offer to meet with him. We have become good friends & I never knew how close he & I would become.

Now Shark has an lovely partner, who I’ve met, someone who isn’t chatting to a million blokes online, someone that actually loves him. I’m so happy for him because as much as I was friends with Leblek during that time, I actually realise that I didn’t like her… It wasn’t until they broke up that Noodle also revealed that he despised her – I knew he didn’t really like her & just kept the peace as she was in the clique we are in, not that that matters but it surprised me that Noodle didn’t like her that much.

#IBD4U

Noodle & I talk so much that I am worried how invested I am with this guy. He’s got a partner, don’t worry I never forget that fact – but somehow I don’t care, which is weird for me & hard to explain… Usually when a guy tells me he’s married, I write him off… I know I’ve spoken about a few married guys but there have been hundreds I haven’t written about that I just delete…. But with Noodle, there is a pull with this guy, a pull of chemistry & passion that I seriously have never had before… it’s undeniable. He also feels the same, no games, no waiting to message me, no being “busy”, it’s straight up honesty, even when he pisses me off. I have never felt this way about a guy before, I have never been this invested, I mean I have liked guys a lot before but not like this…I am in deep trouble!

But only 2 days later after our last encounter, I am waiting for him again at my house for our usual Tuesday night ritual. I am glad that he’s been able to change his location so he can fake it on his phone, pretending he’s still at work instead of turning it off, hoping she doesn’t notice or by leaving his phone at work & hoping she doesn’t call. What a fucking effort this guy goes too to fuck me! He also tells me later than he always drives back to the store after being at my house to change his location back on, so there’s nothing suspicious if she happens to be looking where he is when he is changing it back. Really, that is a lot of effort, but he tells me that I am definitely worth the effort & he also says that I am worth the risk of losing his family… WOW! That was unexpected…

He gets to my house, I have the front door unlocked for him while I am in the bedroom with my ankles tied to the bed with the restraints on my wrists but not tied to the bed so he can do what he wants to me. He enters the room & says ‘fuck’ as he sees me, naked & semi tied to the bed, it makes me smile knowing I have pleased him, I look at him as sexily as I can (But I think I might come across as injured, not sexy! Hahaha… I don’t know how to look sexy to be honest!), leaning back against him as he comes behind me to cup my tits & kiss my neck. Fuck I love my neck being kissed, his beard tickles my neck while he rubs my tits & gets me excited. I expect him to push me down & tie my hands to the X restraint but he gets rope out of my draw & roughly ties my hands behind my back, pushing my head down to the bed so my ass is in the air. He spanks it hard; I yelp but also moan with pleasure. He fingers me from behind which feels different, I am spread wide in another way which gives him easy access. He makes me cum pretty quickly (of course) before he is sliding into me from behind while also spanking my ass. He picks up my phone – we have been discussed him videoing & taking pictures of us fucking because I think that sounds pretty hot… but I also said he can only use my phone because I don’t want her to find pictures of me in his iPhone trash folder & also so I have veto power if I look like shit! Hahaha.

He starts taking video of him inside me, fucking me… I always complain about not being able to see, because I don’t know if you ever watch a guy when he’s fucking you but they get to watch their cock going in & out of you & they love to watch it… But women of course don’t have the same vantage point so we can’t see what is happening, so I want to see what it looks like. He also spanks my ass again & in the video you can see his hand print come up quickly on my ass, it looks so amazing! I know that’s not for everyone but I loved it so much that I was able to use a setting on my phone to turn the video in a gif file that repeats over & over… Fuck, why is that hotter than the video, him spanking my ass & the red handprint coming up instantly over & over… After that day, I watch it a million times & I seriously love it & tell him we need to video more! He agrees & is pretty happy that I want to video us fucking, I mean what guy wouldn’t want the hottest video of him fucking someone?

This is completely fucked up but I feel like I can tell you guys this, but my favourite part with Noodle, is us laying down afterwards & just talking, me hugging him with all my whole body, lying on his chest, legs over him, arms around him tickling his chest hair, while he tickles my back… FUCK I’m in so much trouble here! It’s bittersweet when he gets up to get dressed, we’ve talked about our healthy eating, work, his kid but one of the things we laugh about tonight is how much I want cheezels, he makes a joke about bringing me some & I tell him that he should buy me some! He leaves kissing me goodbye, like 10 times before he goes & I set about tidying up my bedroom where the sheets are completely in disarray. The room smells like our sex, I love that smell… I’ve never liked it before, usually cracking a window as soon as the dude leaves, but this is different. It smells sexy & I can’t get enough of it. I jump into our sex sheets , messaging him but not getting to much of a reply back, which is weird for him.

When I hear a knock on my door, my heart starts pounding & I think, who the fuck is this at my door at almost 10:00 pm. I go to the door as I hear a car drive off… His car? What the fuck is he doing back at my house. I open the front door & on my doorstep is a box of cheezels – no sign of Noodle. OH MY FUCKING GOD, that is so bloody adorable! I send him a picture straight away with a heart eye emoji & say to him that he is not the hard ass guy that he makes out to be, I call him a big softie! He tells me that he that he “May have a tiny weak spot for you… just a small one tho!” I smile like an idiot, what the fuck, this is too cute… This guy usually isn’t like this with me. I eat the cheezels smiling like a tool the whole time, chatting to him again until we go to sleep.

The next time I see Noodle is a Saturday morning, he tells his partner he has to be at work early so he can come over at 5:30 am, but not actually starting until 8:00 am. It’s fucking early for me on my weekend, but I get up & unlock the door & get back into bed, waiting for him. He gets there & I know we have a few hours together. We have sleepy wake up sex for me first before we lay there hugging one another. When I decide to show him a little dominant side of me, I ask him if I can tie him up today & he agrees with a huge grin on his face. I tie him to my X restraints, his arms & legs spread, I come up between his legs & suck him so much that he begs me to fuck him. I giggle & kiss his chest to then kiss his lips, he’s begging me to fuck him, his eyes are filled with that look of pure desire for me to climb on top of him. He’s tied, I’ve never really tied a guy before, I actually quite like this, he’s pulling on the restraints so much that I think he might get out of them soon. But I sit on his lap, just rubbing myself on his cock, never actually letting it inside me… Man this is harder than I thought, I just want his cock in me but fuck I love teasing him!

I just rock back & forth on his cock making it wet before I get a vibe & make myself cum while sitting on top of him. He begs me to fuck him, to stop making myself cum, but I am enjoying this way too much. I am so wet & really want him inside me again, he’s groaning & begging, so I whisper in his ear “How badly do you want to fuck me?” he stares at me intently & says sternly “Just fuck me” I even think he uses my real name, which is unusual for him, when I look at him with a look he says “Please” I chuckle & rub my clit back over his hard cock a few more times as he keeps saying “just fuck me,” before I finally slip him inside me & ride him while he groans saying “thank fuck for that.”

I also let Noodle do anal with me, when I untie him & we’re fucking again, he seems genuinely surprised when I ask him if he wants to fuck my ass, but he says yes instantly, pulling out of me & sliding slowing in my rear. I cum again with my fingers rubbing on my clit. He seems to like that too!

That was a very fun couple of hours & I look forward to being more dominant in the future. It was really my first real experience being a switch & I really liked it! I tell him later how much I liked seeing his face struggling to get me inside him (now I know why men like to see women struggle!) & he said “You enjoy it way too much”, I say “Yeah of course, it was fucking hot!” he says “You’re fucking hot” Jesus, that was unexpected!

#IBD4U

I could honestly write so much about J-Lo, but I wasn’t writing much when I was actually chatting to him, so I can’t really remember everything about our interactions. But he is relevant to my story & relevant to my life, so I’ll give him a post at least & I will probably mention him a lot through the blog posts…

I started chatting to J-Lo on the chat app, just after I started seeing Noodle & chatted to him most days for over 2 years! We chatted about my relationships, my stupid life & what I was doing at the time. J-Lo is a few years older than me, who is divorced with 2 kids. He has a partner who seems to always have her period, is sick or is away interstate for work, so much so that they never have sex ever, so I always wonder what he is still doing with her considering he doesn’t seem that happy, or he wouldn’t be online chatting… I don’t get it, I mean I want sex daily, so I don’t understand how this woman has a man with a sex drive that matches mine & yet here I am single & she has a partner… I know that it’s not all about sex, but it’s a big part of a relationship for me – being close & intimate with someone is just as important as any part of a relationship. I mean even Noodle said I put sex on a pedestal & I guess I do, I don’t ever want to be in a situation where my partner is looking online for something else when he could have me! J-Lo gets less sex than I do & I’m fucking married men… But he seems to me like he feels like he is stuck, I try & help him but I think I just make it worse by suggesting that he leave & not understanding why he’d stay if he’s so unhappy… For me, cheating isn’t just the act of sex or kissing, for me it’s the emotional connection my partner has with someone else, even if it is online… I wouldn’t want a stranger knowing intimate details about me… It was bad enough that once Max told Sweetie that I had my period & she messaged me to tell me we had the same cycle. I don’t really like talking about my period to be honest – I know I go on & on about kink not being taboo, so I’m trying to be more open about my period but I didn’t need him to tell his wife! So the fact I know so much about J-Lo’s partner & his life with her, is to me, worse than anything physical we could’ve done.

I’ll be honest with you, even though he may read this as one of the few men that know about this blog, in fact he’s actually the one who encouraged me to get it off the ground the second time. So I thank him for that… There were many times when I could see J-Lo & I together, even though I have others in the picture, I still could potentially see myself with him. But even though he could’ve met me many times when his partner was away for work, we never did… Not even for a drink, I did try to get him to meet me a couple of times, but he always had an excuse for it… Probably for the best to be honest. However he became a very good friend, I valued his opinion & asked him advice on the men I was seeing – which could’ve been part of our problem I guess? I did always sense that he got jealous of other men in my life or more so the kinky sex I am having…

Chatting one day, as usual, we actually drive past each other on a country road out by Keith, I was going to the South East for work & he was in Naracoorte the night before so he was driving home as I was driving down there, that was the only time I ever see him face to face, sort of, he waved, I waved & that was it. We continued to chat but just before Christmas, after 2 years of chatting almost daily, he just stopped writing back to me… On Christmas day I sent a message & it sat at sending forever. I check every now & then to see if he read it. But it never changes to a R for read.

I decide that if he does ever message me I’ll just read it & never reply. But I never speak to him again. It’s saddens me because he was with me through the whole life debacles & even though I never met him, I miss chatting to him. But he never wanted to physically cheat on his partner, that’s why we never met. He said he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

I actually overthink about what happened to him & I assume he died or that his partner found out about the chat app. I am crushed, I am at an all time low point in my life for other reasons – you’ll find out if you keep reading & then this guy who I really thought was different, who I thought was a friend, just acts like every other douche guy!

Months later, mid-April, I am looking though my chats & see that his profile picture has changed! WTF DUDE! I am so angry that I type out a message before I can even stop myself “WTF you’re still on the chat app” he reads it almost straight away, my heart is pounding… This guy knows everything I’ve been through & he just deserted me. I plan not to reply to whatever bullshit excuse he will spin me but he is typing for ages that I think fuck something happened here…

He tells me that he had some health issues & was put into hospital over Christmas, that he only recently came back onto the chat app but didn’t know how to talk to me after the way he stopped talking to me… FUCK. I can’t be angry at this & so I soften & start chatting to him. He’s still with his partner & enjoying his new job, but he’s also still got some health issues that he’s dealing with. He asks about me & well, I won’t spoil what is happening in my life, just yet, keep reading to find out!

#IBD4U

Noodle has now worked out how to fake his location on his iPhone (which is pretty hard to do, he had to load some program or jail break the phone, I don’t really know what he did but somehow, he did it, so he could see me more easily, pretend he’s still at the store but actually be at my place with his phone in case she calls – I really don’t want her to know where I live either since she’ll apparently bash me!) and he showed me how his phone had recorded his location for the few times that he’s already been to my house. I think I freaked out more than him, asking him to delete it immediately. His partner does not sound stable (though I know I only get his perspective of her, don’t worry, I’m not completely delusional about my part in this) & he’s also cheating on her, so I don’t know what a scorned woman would do. I don’t trust her so I want to be careful, he assures me that he will protect my identify at all costs, should she ever find about me. I believe that he will – I trust him with my address & real name… I know when this goes south & believe me, I am also not delusional that it won’t, it will, he will make sure I am not in the cross fire. I appreciate that at least. I even ask him to promise that he won’t ghost me, that he’ll find a way to tell me that it’s over. He says that he’ll try, but it may not be possible.

So the next day, Sunday afternoon, he says that he’ll come over in his lunch break again, I am surprised at how much this guy has been able to see me so far, that we are able to see each other a few days in a row! I am also surprised as how much he wants to see me… Not many guys have ever wanted to see me this much! Or wanted to talk to me this much…. I think that is our downfall, but we are powerless to stop it.

I leave the door open for him & am in my bedroom when I hear him come in, I meet him in the hallway, we collide the second we meet, kissing with such passion & stripping so quickly. I have never had this kind of passion with someone before, it’s fucking nuts – I can barely control myself around him. I know you probably think I am like that with every guy, but I’m not. I get turned on, yes, but not ever like this before. I can’t be around this man without his hands on me, mouth on me or cock in me… It’s almost like I can’t get him close enough to me, or inside me quick enough. We’re in my bedroom and fucking quicker than I care to admit. I cum several times before he jumps up while I am on my stomach & I hear him ruffling through my draws, he grabs my hands roughly behind my back & ties them together (He doesn’t get this dominant very often that I get so wet from just this small act), he turns me over roughly & starts kissing me all over. With this angle the tie is digging into my arm, it’s starting to hurt a little so I try to turn over to expose my wrists & I ask him to loosen it but he smacks my ass & says no. FUCK, I literally get even wetter. I’m not even sure how that works… He fucks me again & finally once he’s done, he unties my hands & I realise that one of thumbs is a little numb. it actually stays numb for a few days that I actually fear he’s done some permanent damage, but it gets better & am kinda sad that I don’t have that little reminder of how naughty we were that Sunday afternoon!

We cuddle lying on the bed, again somehow I don’t like cuddling but my whole body is cuddling him, drawing him in as close as i can get to him. His hands are never stationary on my body, they run up & down my skin feeling every lump & bump. We lay there chatting , he looks at his watch then at me & runs his hands even more suggestively over me so they are between my legs slowly turning me back on. He makes me cum this way before rolling on top of me, sliding into me, we’re face to face, I can’t look away, our eyes lock & to be honest, this is probably the first time that I have fucked a guy where I haven’t looked away. Usually I close my eyes when they look at me as it’s too intimate or something. But this time, this guy, I look at him, he’s looking at me, he’s deep inside me & I’m seriously tingling all over, when he kisses my neck, OMG that feels fucking amazing as he slowly slides in & out of me, he keeps moving his mouth, down my body till he is sucking a nipple, I moan the loudest I have ever moaned, without even realising it or being able to control it, usually I am pretty quiet during sex, contrary to what you may think because of this blog.

He moves from nipple to nipple, sucking while he slowly fucks me, I can hear him chuckle as I moan even louder & louder, squirming under him, trying to get away, he takes my hands & pins them above my head, I beg him to stop sucking my nipples, even though I don’t want him to stop. Why do we do that? Tell someone to stop when we really don’t want them too so we require a safe word? Why don’t we just mean stop when we say stop… But I don’t mean it & he doesn’t stop!

He keeps doing it over & over, letting my hands go so it doesn’t take long till I am cumming loudly grabbing onto him, digging my nails in his back. As I cum for what seems like the tenth time, quivering & shaking like I never have before, my legs shake uncontrollably, he cums for the second time in 2 hours & as we lay there afterwards trying to regain our breath, he says that he never cums twice ever – Well you just did Noodle! Hahaha. Geez, that was also a long lunch break!

Later when Noodle & I are chatting, he tells me that if it wasn’t me, he would’ve chosen someone else to cheat with & my heart sinks a little… I actually thought I mean’t something to him… I know he’s a liar & a smooth talker, I mean how else did we get here, but I din’t think he’d be so brutally honest with me. I can’t hide my disappointment & I’m surprised that he spends so much time reassuring me that I’m not the most convenient person he could’ve chosen to cheat with, he tells me that he actually likes me & then puts my mind at ease, “You’re very easy to talk to, can be funny (hate admitting that), sexy as fuck, dirty minded and I actually really like your honesty” WOW… I don’t even know what to respond to that. He also says “I’m pretty sure your everyone’s crush on here, but it’s all good… cos I had a crush on you and I got to fuck you, so I can’t complain.” Well at least I know I he’s feeling a little the same as I am. Why am I feeling this way?!

#IBD4U

Again I don’t talk much to Max, but do you know what, who cares at this point. He doesn’t seem to care much about me, so why should I put any effort in? Especially since he’s married, there is no future for me here, but I figure if he wants to to keep going, then he should be worshipping me! How many woman are there out there would actually ‘date’ a married man in an open relationship? I doubt there are that many!

I’ll see Max when he is free, if I’m free (which is fucking annoying that I always am) but I’m not going out of my way to talk to him & try to see him. Things have ended with Origin, sadly & now I am basically only seeing Max every few weeks whenever he is not infamously busy but of course there’s still Noodle.

As if this story couldn’t get any weirder, during this time, Sweetie is actually seeing Milky. Yes my Milky. I set it up so I am not upset about it. But fuck me if this isn’t the weirdest thing ever, I don’t know what is… How did I get in this situation? Well Sweetie wasn’t seeing anyone, I was enjoying her husband more than Milky, so after Milky said he wanted to fuck her as the condition to have the MFM with me & Max, I passed on their chat app details & they started chatting. They caught up a few times but he decided to not use a condom with her one night & as she wasn’t on contraception as Max has had a vasectomy, she had to go get the morning after pill… I mean why do men do this? Fucking seriously… Milky tells Sweetie that he thought she’d be on contraception but that’s beside the point. Not only should they be scare of an unwanted pregnancy with a married woman, but what about STI’s? Does no dude care about that anymore? I’m obsessed with condoms & am constantly carrying them around in case they don’t have a latex free one, but guys seem to be so happy to just whip it off & risk the STI’s. I don’t get it.

Anyway Max invites me out on a date & I am so ridiculously starved for an actual date that I jump at the chance, he invites himself over & says that we’ll go for dinner then to the movies. We go to Fasta Pasta for dinner – so classy hahaha. I can tell he’s uncomfortable, awkward & not at all enjoying this like a date should be. I mean we’ve been seeing each other for 5 months. The conversation seems forced & I find it hard to keep engaging with him, I am almost dying to get to the movies because at least then neither of us have to force conversation. We see Baywatch with Zac Effron (yes that’s how far behind I am in these stories!) he starts rubbing my leg in the virtually empty cinema & I am spreading my legs a lot quicker than I should be. This guy should seriously be earning this – especially since we barely see each other anymore. But my stupid vagina craves this, I am wanting him to touch me & It feels so naughty that it’s in a public cinema. He slips his hand into my jeans & I bite my lip, he’s going to finger me during this movie & I know that if I resist it’ll just spur him on more, plus I want this… I’ve never had a guy do something like this to me before. I shift in my seat to give him easy access & within a few seconds because I’m so turned on that I’m doing this in public, I know I have to be quiet but let him know that I am enjoying it so I grab his wrist & guide his hand to a better position, but I don’t let go as he gets me closer to cumming, I squeeze his wrist with my hand. I throw my head back in the seat as I cum, biting my lip so as not to make any noise. It’s actually pretty sexy… After the movie, we go home to my house for some quick sex & then Max goes home.

A few days later Max, Sweetie & I go to Switch together, they are staying at my house as usual, they come over & we head into the city. It’s an uneventful night, at least Max isn’t kissing random women while he’s there with his wife & me. Max actually makes an effort to seem like he wants to be there with me & Sweetie, which is good. On the way to Switch in the taxi, Max slips his hand between my legs & I feel a buzzing, it’s mini vibe he has… I squirm under his touch but it doesn’t really do much. We have the usual 3sum when we get home & this time we tie up Sweetie. Max lets me use the candles on her but when a drip of wax causes her to ask us to stop, I lose confidence to do anything. Later I find out that it actually caused a burn on her belly.

2 weeks later, the night after the last time I saw Origin, I spend the day with Noodle, tired as fuck from the weed muffin. I don’t want to leave him but I said that I would go to Sweetie’s birthday party, I am tired & really can’t be bothered getting out of bed after the day I spent with Noodle, does edible weed do that to you? I have no idea but I am not in the mood to go out. I need sleep & tons of it. I message Max to say I’m at the hotel that they’re staying at, at the time they ask me to be there… He meets me out the front & takes me up stairs. The last thing I want to do is have a 3sum with them right now. But I get there & Sweetie is still getting ready. I am kinda pissed that I have gotten ready to make it here by 6:00 pm & am now going to sit in the hotel room for fuck knows how long while they get ready still. This really doesn’t help my mood!

After what seems like eternity for me – it probably isn’t but I’m feeling like shit, but I couldn’t bail being I found out I’m the only one the invited to this party. They get ready to go out & we head out for dinner. I am in a mood, I can’t snap out of, this is not what idea I had in my head when I was invited to a birthday party. We end up going to the WoolShed – those who live in Adelaide know it’s this bar/nightclub in the city that had a mechanical bull to ride… Yes classy! Hahaha. I can’t snap out of this mood, even when Max rides the bull, I just can’t enjoy it. I left my car at their hotel, or I would’ve left early, but I also feel bad because I am the only one there…

We go back to the hotel room & again, I am not sure why I went up, I am really not in the mood, I have probably really ruined the night for them. I should go home! While Sweetie is having bath, Max starts making a move on me, he gets me naked & ties me to the bed with rope. He gets his toy bag & starts using things on me, I see Sweetie come into the room wearing the bathrobe. Max kisses her & leaves a vibe on me while he attends to her. I’m tied up & usually this would be something I enjoy, but my headspace is not good for this. I hate it. I hate that I am tied up, being teased while they fuck next to me. I wriggle my way out of the restraints & stand up, getting my clothes on. This was not a good idea. I told Noodle I wasn’t going to do this & I shouldn’t have… I really wasn’t in the right place for this. I leave them to it, saying good bye & driving home. I hop into bed & fall asleep immediately.

I wake to my phone ringing about 10:00 am, I look & it’s Max. I almost don’t answer… I am still so tired, I notice other messages too on my phone. I answer & he asks if I’m ok, he was worried as I hadn’t replied to any messages he sent & I didn’t send a message when I got home last night. I explain I was tired & I’m ok. We hang up. I roll over with my phone, quickly replying to Noodle to his messages this morning & closing my eyes to go back to sleep. I am still wrecked from the weed muffin… How do people smoke weed all the time!?

I barely ever speak to Max again… I am so done with trying to even chat to him & so done with the “I’m busy” bullshit that I no longer even make an effort & neither does he… So we basically ghost each other, in a way… The story, of course, is not done – this is me afterall, but it’s over for now!

#IBD4U

As Origin leaves that night, he says laughing “Let me know about our baby” then tickles my tummy & goes. I laugh, but I think about it & realise, holy fucking batshit! FUCK. He jokes but we could’ve just made a fucking baby! I don’t want kids… SHIT! I walk around the house aimlessly at almost 2:00 am, thinking WTF am I going to do… I get a text from him saying “Thanks for tonight superstar, had a great night, love Origin xxx” I don’t reply. I don’t know what to say to that… This guy could’ve just impregnated me & made a joke then left! Why doesn’t this guy ever stay the night?

I take the morning after pill & decide to let him know that I did, oddly I do this via snapchat like a teenager. I send him a snapchat picture of the box & tell him what I’ve done. He offers me money for it, but it’s not about that. It’s only like $20, it’s not about the money. This is the second time in 35 years that I have had to take the morning after pill. I’ve always been on contraception & always basically a condom advert, but I had to take it last time I was seeing him. Fucking hell. Last time it made me a little crazy so I am careful of how I react. I am seeing Max & Noodle at the moment too, so I am going to have to be conscious of how I am with them too. I know I am being weird with Max, but he’s being weird with me too…

I don’t see Origin for over a month, things are still weird with Max, things are going too well with Noodle that I need this – I need a single guy to come along & show me what I could have, what I deserve, not this half ass relationship from married men… Origin is the only single guy I am seeing… I mean I am still chatting a little to Rob Rob, which is just fucked. When Origin & I were supposed to catch up but he forgot to message me because his dad was in hospital – understandable, but the whole bailing thing is getting old. I forgive him for that & hope his dad is ok, I sort of wish we were at the point when I could offer to go to his side… I really like this guy…

It’s the end of June when we catch up again, he’s been talking to me about bringing a weed muffin for us to try, I’ve never had a weed muffin, I’ve also actually never smoked weed before, I have taken drugs before as a late teen early 20 year old, quite a lot when I was partying as a youngan, but I grew out of it & now with my job requiring a drivers license, it’s really important I am responsible. I even don’t even drink more than 2 drinks when out & driving. So it’s been many many years since I did anything.

He calls me in the morning to make sure I am free, this is sort of unusual for him, I assumed he was calling to bail – I almost didn’t answer to be honest… He comes over & we order Indian food again, it’s our ritual, I love it & don’t get it often so I love that it’s our thing. We eat, put on a shit movie that he wanted to watch but it is so fucking shit that we get distracted… hahaha. He offers me a quarter of the muffin but after about 30 minutes nothing is happening that we both decide to have the other quarter each. We hate the movie so we decide to play pool when I realise I am laughing like a lunatic at everything he says… WTF is so funny? Why is my smile so wide? I have to hide my face in my arms all the time to make sure he can’t see it. I am literally laughing at every little thing like it is the funniest thing ever! He is also laughing, it’s like a weird movie… Us just laughing at everything, not to mention playing pool terribly! If this is what a edible is like, it’s not that great… We play a few games of pool before I sit on the couch saying that I am fucking tired. He agrees & sits next to me, we don’t touch but just sit there. We talk for a bit but I start nodding off…

It’s not that late when Origin leaves, like around 10:00 pm, spouting some shit about needing to go, I don’t mind because I know Noodle is spending the day with me tomorrow & I have Sweetie’s birthday drinks to go to, plus I have just become so fucking tired for some reason – like can’t-keep-my-eyes-open tired. As soon as Origin leaves I jump into bed naked, not able to keep my eyes open long enough to plug my phone in…

Later the next day between things, I message him saying that I’m sorry for falling asleep on him but he says it’s ok & that he’s so scattered. I am scared I was an idiot being that one of the last times we saw each other I was a complete tool, biting him… (I still cringe at that even 2 years later!)

We chat a little but over text & snapchat but never meet up again, I then one day I send out a snapchat to all my friends including Origin, but he never opens it. WTF?! Even though he’s the only single guy I am seeing, I seem to be putting all my eggs in the Noodle basket… So I don’t seem to care that Origin never looks at my snapchat.

Ironically, a few days after that, Origin comes up as a friend suggestion on Facebook again, this time his profile picture is of him & a beautiful girl, cuddling up – cosy, like a couple… I know he doesn’t have a sister, I know he wouldn’t be in a profile picture with his sister in law, so all I can assume is that he has found a girlfriend.

While this upsets me a little, I mean only a couple of weeks ago he was at my house having sex with me that may have ended with a pregnancy & then a few weeks later with a weed muffin & now he’s already in a relationship with someone so much so that they are at the point of changing his profile picture… WTF? Am I seriously the fluffer for men to find the one they want? I don’t know if I told you but Milky also has a girlfriend now too…

I mean as Origin is a single guy (or was a single guy) that I actually liked, I am keen to see where this would go however with Noodle in the picture, I am keen to pursue that chemistry…

#IBD4U