Now it’s the stand off! Who will message first? I sure as fuck am not going to message Noodle first. Firstly he has a partner, so he can chase me, if he wants me – I’m stubborn & refuse to show him that I like him. Second, I have no idea what I just felt. What the fuck was that?
This goes against everything I stand for. If a guy cheated on me, I don’t mean by fucking someone, but by chatting to someone, meeting her for a non-sexual date then he’d be out the fucking door, I hate when I talk to married men because marriage means something to me, it’s not just about the wedding or sharing the same last name, it’s committing to someone, being able to be brutally honest with them even if it hurts. I’d personally rather want to know that my partner wants to fuck someone else than them do it behind my back – but I wouldn’t be able to handle knowing my partner has formed a connection with someone else from chatting to them constantly. That would kill me… If he had random sex with someone, once, it would definitely piss me off, but it wouldn’t be as hard to understand.
I don’t have to wait long before Noodle messages me – yep I am more stubborn than him! Hahaha… I will also deny this till I die, however Noodle is adamant that right after he messaged me I told him I wanted to suck his cock & started sexting him… Well it was true – I did want to suck his cock, but I highly doubt I just came out & said that. But maybe whatever I just felt made me crazy & I did message him that. I don’t know. He has no proof so it’s his word against mine! Hahaha. We’ll never know, but for sake of the story, we can all agree that one of us sexted – I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt & say it was me. I wanted too, so whatever, we now had a new topic & it gets saucy, very quickly!
Does he feel it too if he messaged me first? & now he’s open to sexting? Maybe he doesn’t feel it because although we continue to talk every single day for another few weeks, from the second we wake up until we go to bed, as long as she’s not around, but he never asks to meet me again. Maybe I was alone in feeling that ridiculous electric spark between us. Though I’m pretty sure I’m not alone being that we are sexting alot, like most nights we talk sexy, sending a few teasing cheeky pictures.
I ask him about it because not only has he become a very good friend, he must have felt something, I mean otherwise why is he still talking to me 3 months later? He says he is scared to fuck me… WHAT? Is it because he has a partner or what is it about me? He tells me that I put sex on a pedestal, I’ve also told him I was having the best sex of my life (which was true, I’d never been so openly sexual as I am right now or willing to experiment like I am) & that I am a bit kinky & he has no experience in it & didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of me. OMG, that’s almost what Elvis said to me, ‘how am I ever going to please this woman…’ Maybe I scare men off? But they ask about my sex life… Do they want me to lie? I explain that I don’t need kink but I enjoy it & that he doesn’t need to be scared to fuck me.
So… we organise to meet at my house on a Tuesday night, he works late every Tuesday night & had changed his shift that day so he started earlier & finished earlier, he just didn’t tell his partner about the time change – sneaking off to work early. So we have about 2 hours free including travel to & from my house. She goes to her parents every Tuesday night so he said she’d be distracted with them & their son, so we’d be ok, she wouldn’t be looking where he was on the find my iPhone app.
The day of the our second meeting – the first time we’ll potentially have sex, I’m excited & scared at the same time. I’ve never actually met a married guy who didn’t have permission for sex… I don’t even know if I should be doing this… We say good morning (as per the agreement! Of course.) & everything is normal until he says something that hurts my feelings about a pic I sent him (I honestly can’t remember what! – this is why I should write more as I’m dating!). We barely speak the rest of the day. I consider just going to my usual gym class, which will mean he’d have to wait around to see me or not see me at all. But instead I stupidly wait for him. I cook my dinner, garlic chicken with spinach, while eating it, he messages saying that he’s finished work & did I still want to see him? I wish like hell I could’ve said no, but unfortunately my vagina thinks for me & I want to feel whatever it was that I felt that day at lunch.
I tell him that I just ate garlic chicken, he says he doesn’t care, I crack a bottle of red wine while typing out my address. WTF am I doing? For the first time in ages my heart starts racing about a guy, I gulp some wine. I think about brushing my teeth but think that I don’t care about my garlic breath, the red wine will taste funny if I use toothpaste now plus he’s been a dick to me today. I sit on the couch nonchalantly (aka trying to be cool) waiting for him to rock up – I’m acting like he can see me right now, but it’s like I’m practising for when he get here. I hear his car pull up & I swear that he’ll be able to see my heart beating when I open the door. I wait till he knocks to get up & open the door, I invite him in & ask if he wants wine, he declines & we just sit there chatting, not really watching whatever crap I’m watching on TV.
I feel the sexual chemistry buzzing between us as we sit on the couch, it’s been building for weeks while we’ve been sexting, me revealing fantasies that I haven’t ever shared with anyone before & I’ve also not been having as much sex as I was with other guys, there is just Max & Origin in the rotation now. But I’ve never felt this before, where I just want to make the first move. Where I want to jump him on the couch right now. I am also so scared that the sex is going to be shit, that this electric buzz I feel with him will just fizzle.
When he leans over to kiss me, all my fears are dashed. I taste his minty breath – like so minty that I realise he’s had mouth wash only seconds before getting to my house & I hope like fuck that he doesn’t taste the garlic or wine, but he mentions the garlic right away. I tell him to fuck off & giggle, he laughs & deepens his kiss with me. We aren’t the best kissers together but it gets me wet & I know he’s hard quickly. We’re stripping like teenagers, me unbuttoning his shirt & undoing his pants, while he pulls my top over my head. I fear that isn’t going to go well for us, we’re too eager. But we go into my bedroom & we fool around for a little bit before I’m getting him to put a condom on & as he glides over the top of me, we both moan as he slides in & know this feels perfect, this feels right, even though on so many levels this is so very wrong…
When he kisses my neck, when he touches my skin, I shiver. No man has ever had this effect on me – I mean this is the first time we’ve fucked. He fits inside me perfectly, like no other man ever has, he’s able to get me so close by just using his cock. How is that even possible? I also climb on top of him, fucking him – I never do that!! I’m. Always too self concious to be on top… But with him, I’m not… He flips us back over & puts my legs up on his shoulders, grabs my wrists, so rugged & manly pinning them above my head & he thrusts twice (yes only twice!) before I am convulsing, squirting like a porn star, unable to move, just having to ride though it with him as I’m cumming uncontrollably for him, he follows seconds later. How has his partner been able to stop herself from cumming with him for 10 years, I barely lasted 10 seconds!
Fuck me! (Hahaha, he just had!) well the chemistry translated. What the fuck just happened to me? I’m brought back to earth when he checks his watch & I’m rapidly brought back to the reality of this interaction. He has a time limit. He gets up to leave & I think that surely I have given him at least one amazing experience. If this is just a one night stand, then I surely have fulfilled my brief. I refuse to ask or say anything about catching up again. I let him leave with a ‘chat later’ half assed comment. I walk around my house, in a daze, I fix my bed & find the condom wrapper to bin it. My room smells like sex. It’s a different smell than what I’ve ever smelled before when a man leaves… I don’t know what it is. My body is well & truly fucked, I don’t wash or change my sheets as I’m too stated to do anything, I slip into bed thinking that’s probably the last time I ever see him & probably ever hear from him again.
I’m surprised to get a message from him on his way home, saying he had a good time, I smile like a complete loser that he was the first one to message – OMG, we’re fucking in trouble here! But when he gets home, he logs off & leaves me waiting. I start to fall asleep but then here the buzz of the chat app & I see his message, he snaps ‘Do you smoke?’ WTF, as if he even has to ask me this… I guess I did have garlic breath, which would’ve masked the cigarette smoke perhaps… But I don’t smoke, so I say no with a question mark. He says that his partner said she could taste smoke on him. Well it’s not me dude, but he needs to be careful. Almost sprung on the first night!
We chat late into the night before I ask him if tonight satisfied the itch or if it made it worse, he said ‘that it made it worse & he wanted to fuck me again soon, he loved fucking me.’ Yep, I’m fucked… Not only in the literal sense, but metaphorically – I am fucked. That wasn’t even epic sex but yet it was definitely the best sex that I’ve ever had… & I want more!!