Guest Blog: Erotica – For Her

Erotica Thursday’s is back (for today only!) This is a erotica story written by my male friend… I like reading stuff from the men too!

This is a similar fantasy that I’ve enjoyed but have also experienced (Story to come!)

Here’s a link to my erotica scenes… Scene one – Nipple Bells, Scene two – Wake Up Call , Scene Three – His Orgasm & Scene Four – The Wake Up Call , Scene Five – Blindfold, Scene Six – Shower, Scene Seven – Anticipation, Scene Eight – Watching, Scene Nine- Quick Fuck, Scene Ten – Her Surprise & Scene Eleven – Prick.


For Her

The mood in the house is quite uplifted. I bounce around the living room to my favourite song. The bass from the speakers reverberates from the floor boards. The warmth from the fireplace radiates throughout the room. I pour myself another glass of wine and lay back in the recliner, gazing out the window. I look at the clock. 5pm. A smile appears on my face. A sense of excitement overwhelms me as I see his car pull in to the driveway. My man is home. I take one last quick look in the mirror. I’m wearing his favourite red lace lingerie. Letting him know that I’m in desperate need of hot animal sex. The thought of his hands on me, controlling me, has me ready and eager. I watch him get out of his car. The greasy, dirty, hi-vis outfit encompassing his body, is my favourite sight. His dark sunglasses covering those baby blue eyes. The image of him is something of my dreams.

He retrieves his esky from the boot of his car and walks towards the front door. I take a deep breath to centre myself as I open the door. His smiling face drops to a sly, cheeky grin as he sees me. He stumbles on the front step. I reach for his hand and pull him inside. Without taking my eyes off him, I take his esky from his hands, throwing it on the floor like it doesn’t have feelings and slam the door behind him.

“Don’t worry about your day, or what happened outside that door!” I instruct sensually. “Tonight, I am yours to do with whatever you please, do you understand?”

With that, I push him hard against the door and press my lips to his. I work my tongue into his mouth and melt with the flavour of his tongue that I’ve been craving all day. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He reaches down and firmly grabs my ass, lifting me onto his hips. I remove his sunglasses and gaze deep into his eyes. There’s something about them when they look at me. When he looks at me, its like I’m the only girl alive. I know he cares for me deeply. As I do him.

I passionately kiss him as he starts walking away from the door. Pulling away so he can see where he’s walking, he looks at me and says, “Whatever I want, hey?”. I nod childishly, knowing exactly where he’s taking me!

As we reach the doorway to the attic, he kisses me one last time and puts me down.

“Kneel” he commands.

Looking up at him gives me a feeling of being in complete surrender. My master and protector. He reaches above the door frame and retrieves the door key from the hiding spot. He opens the door and instructs me to crawl up the stairs. Knowing this is his favourite part, I crawl up slowly, accentuating my movements. Looking backwards I notice his adoring grin. His eyes fixated on the red lace.

“Whack!”. His hand connects with my right butt cheek, sending delightful tingles of pain through my body. I scurry up the stairs.

“On the cross!” he orders.

I slide my body against the cold, hard, polished St Andrew’s cross, expertly crafted by my masters very own hands. The cold, smooth varnish awakens my skin. The feel on my back is so harsh, but comforting. He straps my hands to the restraints above my head. Running his hands lightly down my body, he grabs my ankles. Spreading my legs, he attaches the straps around my ankles. I cannot move. He walks to the cabinet and retrieves my favourite blindfold. Placing it on me, he presses his lips against mine. His taste electrifies me. Without the sense of sight, I’m more aware of his many other attractive traits. His dirty, oily smell from his work clothes makes me reach out to taste him. He grabs me by the throat and pushes my head back. I moan as he instructs me to be good. I can feel my panties getting wetter as I yearn for him to touch me.

“Bad girls get punished!” he remarks, as he ties a neck tie over my mouth to muffle my sound. Preventing me from trying to taste him.

Suddenly, a sharp pain scorches my breasts. The pressure increases as he tightens the nipple clamps. The pain is intense but pleasing. He tugs on the chain, stretching my already compressed nipples. He pulls further. In my mind I’m waiting for my nipples to tear, but I know that he is in complete control and cautious with his every move. He would never hurt me more than my limits.

He lets go rapidly and my nipples return to my chest. Rebound pain is more intensely pleasurable than the feeling of them being pulled on. My moan is muffled by the necktie. I love being able to scream behind the mask.

He grabs my face and kisses my neck. The polar opposite soft, sensual, contrasting feeling makes me weak at the knees. I love when he creates contrasting sensations!Erotica, for her.pngHe kisses me downwards. Along my neckline. Over my breasts. I’m yearning for him to continue. He complies. He grabs at my waist and kisses me just above my spot. I push my hips into him. The warmth of his tongue gently touches my button. I moan louder as he starts drawing circles around it. Pulling me apart, he pushes his tongue slightly inside and my body collapses slightly into my restraints. He pulls away, back to my clit and runs his fingers around my opening. Pressing ever so slightly on my muscles, he makes me relax around them. Timing my hips with his fingers, I rotate around him. Slowly he pushes his way inside, pressing firmly along my front wall. He pushes his fingers in their full extension. I scream as he presses hard upon my pleasure spot, that he knows all too well where to find. His mastery of his fingers inside my body makes me grind my hips, harder against him. Faster and faster his fingers move against my front wall. The pressure is building, I can feel that familiar feeling is coming. He can sense it too. Increasing in speed and pressure he presses firmly against my spot. My muffled screams get louder and louder behind my necktie gag. The sensations swell throughout my body and the blood rushes to my head. I feel the liquid escape my body. The sound of his fingers, squelching inside me as he slaps them around, in complete control of my body. I collapse further in my restraints as the feeling subsides throughout my body. My head drooped as low as my neck will allow.

He removes my gag and presses his fingers into my mouth. Making me taste myself. I clean his fingers diligently, knowing that it turns him on immensely. I don’t mind my taste either, mixed with the flavour of his hand. He removes my blindfold and I stare at the floor beneath me. My satisfied face stares back at me in the wet polished floorboards. Totally spent and exhausted from the attention that my man just gave me.

As he massages his hands along my legs, I feel the blood return. The sensation of touch appears in my legs once more and I find the strength to stand on my own feet again. The sensations continue as he runs his hands up my torso, over my breasts and to my face. Lifting my head, our eyes meet. His face is awash with content smugness. He kisses me on the lips and returns the blindfold to my face.

The feeling of the rope around my waist is soft and sensual. As he ties my hips to the St Andrews cross, I feel something unexpected is about to happen. I cannot see what he is doing. I feel something spherical being pushed against me. As I feel the rope cinch tight against my body, I realise what he’s done. He’s tied it against me, pushing firmly on me.

“Im going to have a shower, I will be back shortly!” he exclaims.

“Don’t you fucking dare you bastard!” was my desperate reply.

He kissed me on the lips and then I feel him move away. My focus turned to the spherical pressure on my button, knowing that in any second, I may or may not be in severe uncontrollable discomfort until his return.

The feel of the headphones being placed over my ears was distracting enough. My favourite band starts playing. My master knows me well. The intro builds. The singer’s voice screams through my head. I cannot see or hear what my master is doing. I cannot move, restrained to the cross. Almost all my senses have been removed and I am unaware of my surroundings. The song builds toward the bass drop. A gentle kiss on my lips just before it hits, then as it does…..

“Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. Trapped in restraints, with no awareness of what’s around me, and a hitachi wand tied firmly against my clitoris while my master leaves to have a shower…….




Noodle #21

So I’ve noticed that the Noodle posts are much more popular days with my blog stats than the filler posts. I even posted this question on the Facebook page (follow me on FB to make sure you get all the updates @ivebeendatingforyou or sign up via email on wordpress for immediate notifications of posts) & was surprised that the answer was yes, Noodle is popular – even a hash tag was made #MakingTimeForNoodle hahaha.

However, the filler posts are very important to the Noodle story! How, I hear you ask? Well, I know some of you aren’t happy about the fact that Noodle has a partner, believe me, I know how stupid this is, I don’t even understand why I am in this position to be honest… I’m a smart woman. But if you read any of the filler posts over the years – the mixed bag series is a good one to see what I’m talking about, then you may have an inkling of how Noodle & I got so involved with each other.

Noodle is consistent! He replies to all my messages – all day, everyday for months, he initiates chats with me, he wants to chat to me – even when it’s not sexy talk – we talk about everything, he doesn’t bullshit me – spinning me bullshit lines like other guys do, he fucks me regularly, he makes time for me whenever he can & the sexual tension build up is so intense that we explode when we’re together.

So while you may prefer the Noodle stories, just remember the reason why I am even making such an effort with Noodle, is because the filler stories are all the other fuckwits I’ve had to date & how I ended up here! If it wasn’t for those douches, I perhaps wouldn’t have gotten so involved with Noodle. So they are important to my story, make sure you read them too, sometimes they are in order, sometimes they are a trip down memory lane! However, having said that, like I’ve said before, I do think the universe has been pulling Noodle & I together online & in real life. Concerts, the anonymous app & him dating my staff member. With the sexual chemistry we have, it’s no wonder the universe wanted us to meet!!

But moving forward, I will make the Noodle posts a little bit longer, so I can start to catch up a bit since I’m currently still about 18 months behind (I don’t ever want to be in real time, but I don’t want to be this far behind!) & perhaps I will maybe post less filler posts! Perhaps on non blog days, I may post a bonus Noodle post too… Make sure you like & follow me everywhere… You may all get your wish on Noodle!

So after my jaw locked for what seemed like forever, I make an appointment with the dentist who refers me to a specialist – it’s been hurting a lot since then. I never want that to happen again. It gets sore sometimes when I suck Noodle’s cock so I don’t want to have to stop doing that… I love doing that! I need to get it looked at. One of my sisters friends even had to have surgery on her jaw, so I’m freaking out that I might have to do that too!

When I drive past his old store, the one in which we fucked in, I am reminded of the sexy times we had in there… That I message him to tell him where I have just been past & we talk about how fucking hot it was when we fucked in his office. It’s so sexy when we talk about all the amazing times we’ve fucked, it turns us both on to talk about it. Usually it makes him want me more.

It’s almost a week before Noodle fucks me again, I know it freaked him out with my jaw locking, I remember it freaking out Milky, but with him not able to fake his location, it also makes it harder for us to see each other. He comes over Monday morning before work to fuck me in bed. I seriously wish that he could spend the night one time, I would love that. FUCK! Closed heart…. Yes very closed.

The next night, on Tuesday, I have come home from the gym, I have told Noodle that I want him to meet me in the shower. He says he’s just finishing up work & will be over soon, so I get in the shower & start washing my hair, so that I’m basically done when he gets there & we can just have shower sex. I’m excited for this to be honest, I have left the front door open & I am waiting for him to come over, showering leisurely, I have picked a good play list ready for us to fuck too, it’s going to be a fun evening. But I get a message saying he can’t come over – no real explanation, just that he can’t come over. I have a waterproof phone, so I’m thankfully I am able to read the message while in the shower – rather than just waiting around like a complete loser for ages. What the fuck Noodle! I try to start crying, but fuck I can’t even cry, tears never flow from me, but that’s how I feel right now. He doesn’t even apologise or anything, but he just says his partner is tracking him & he has to go home. I don’t even understand what is going on that I just read his messages but don’t reply. He doesn’t even message me much on his way home either. I am fuming, not that he has to bail because honestly, I’m surprised this is the first time that he’s really had to bail at the last minute, but the fact that he doesn’t even seem to care nor has he even said the word ‘sorry’ is what I’m angry about. If I had to bail, I do the apology vomit & am genuinely feeling shit about bailing… He hasn’t said sorry or given me any reason as to why he can’t come over besides he’s being tracked… He’s always tracked so what does that even mean?

He later sends me a screenshot of a text message with his partner – I’m assuming she’s now in bed, like me unsatisfied. It has her name at the top of the screenshot, so now I know her name… In a way it’s similar to mine, starts with the same letter… Then it hits me… FUCK. I used to shop at her store before I knew that’s where she worked, I have been face to face with this women… I remember seeing her name tag & thinking about the way her name was spelt. I remember her following me through the store, not knowing who she was & clearly she didn’t know who I was, probably having fucked her partner hours before being at the shops! FUCK… Second why would he send me a screenshot? I guess to prove to me that she was tracking his phone? I guess I’ve always believed everything he’s told me, I mean I know he’s a liar & he gets away with it so easily, but he has no reason to lie to me, I mean he’s been so brutally honest with me about so many things, I guess I should expect that he would send me screenshots. However it makes it hard to pretend she doesn’t exist. I never tell Noodle that I know what is partner looks like, but we’re pretty much exact opposites… I can definitely see the appeal with me.

The top message from her is a picture of something in a catalogue saying “We need to get a fucking decking. That is fucking amazing” It honestly surprises me a lot that she swears so much, I don’t know why, is it because she’s a mum or because he makes her sound really boring & straight laced – I don’t know this woman, but you know when you have a picture in your head of someone & it’s different to what you thought. Now I try to recall what she looks like when I saw her… Then she sends him “Y r u at big w.” Then immediately after “???.” Also it surprises me that she uses text speak, I didn’t think any person, who is close to 30 uses text speak anymore? Maybe because Noodle doesn’t use text speak, I just assumed that she wouldn’t – again just an assumption that I made, I have no basis for this assumption… I mean I guess this is a chick who used to get in fights at a nightclub, back in the day…

He replies to her that he’s at his work but he’s heading home now. I’m not sure why he sent me a screenshot of their conversation but also I don’t think he needed to bail on me. Maybe that’s just me being jealous, perhaps he should go home…

We chat but I’m in a bitchy mood, I guess this has gone on long enough. Noodle & I have been drama free for pretty much the entire time, it’s been 6 months since we started chatting daily & 4 months since we started fucking weekly, we’ve had a little hiccup before we even met when he tried to friendzone me, but basically we’ve not had any issues. We’ve both gotten a little jealous from time to time when the other is flirting with someone in the group but it’s not been a massive problem.

He hasn’t fucked me since Monday morning, because he had to bail on Tuesday night when he realised she was tracking him, so I’m snippy again from lack of sex, I can’t help it. I fucking miss him! We’re having a snippy discussion & tell him to go sow his wild oats then, when he says “Don’t put this back on me, I don’t want to fuck anyone else. Wild oats tho? Plus you’ve fucked your fair share of people since fucking me, so you make no sense” Fucking hell, maybe I don’t make sense. But fuck, I’m angry. I calm down & say sorry that I’m in a weird mood & clearly just need to be fucked. He agrees. I hate that I get like this, I mean I cannot blame him I am the stupid one in this situation, so I have to just accept it as “part of the deal” as Noodle constantly says to me. (Just FYI, it makes me so fucking angry when he says its all part of the deal, he uses it whenever he is jealous & also when he is feeling guilty – but it makes me furious)

So Saturday afternoon straight after his work, his partner is also working but she has to go pick up their son, so he comes over to my house for an hour. Again, I wish I could say no, but fuck it sucks that I want him so badly. We talk every day & things are normal but I miss him touching me, I get a lot of Noodle, virtually, I just don’t get a lot physically & I miss it… We play virtually almost every night but it’s not the same… I want him touching me, kissing me, lying in bed together… AH Shit!

Noodle Smile naked.png

The next day during his lunch break, because this is the last day at this store, he’s moving stores for a few weeks which is so far away from my house, even further from his house, that there will be no lunch breaks – I don’t know when we are going to see each other while he’s at this new store, the drive for him will be over an hour… When he gets to my house on Sunday, as usual I am doing some washing, I am in the laundry when he walks in, he scares me, I jump like a lunatic. He chuckles, loving the fact that he scared me. We kiss, getting naked in the dining room, fucking on the dining room table before he stands me up, smirking – I can’t help but smile with him, I love when he smiles at me. I have no idea what he is planning, this guy always catches me by surprise. He thinks he doesn’t but he does, I think he’s going to lead me into the bedroom, but he pushes me backwards into the laundry, (I’ve told him about a washing machine fantasy!) so he helps me up on the washing machine that’s in the spin cycle! Well, hello there! For anyone who hasn’t fucked on a washing machine, I suggest you put on a load & get in there!! Hehehe… It was fucking amazing!!



Before Boyfriend came along, I was happily single & planning a trip to Canada to live for 6 to 12 months on a working holiday. I’d been talking about going for years, I’d even started saving for it & ready to apply for my visa. I’d also gotten the travel bug having just come back from Fiji (Where I had Swiss), then Vietnam with Boyfriend, but I settled down & bought my house, that I didn’t get go overseas again for many years… So after Boyfriend & I broke up, I moved back in with my parents, rented out my house & went to Canada on a working holiday.

Disclaimer: This is actually my journal from 2008 when I went to live in Canada. I have edited it & added some info to make it make sense for a blog post, but it is mostly the journal I kept.

Here it is!

When I told my friend that I was going to live in Canada, she was positive that I would sit next to my soon to be husband on the plane. She wasn’t the only one to tell me that I would meet the love of my life in Canada & never come back to Adelaide… (Spoiler alert – we all know where I live now! Hahaha)

Well my flight from Adelaide to NZ sure didn’t have ‘the one’ on it as they were ladies next to me & this would require a very different lifestyle change. However getting onto the plane from NZ to Vancouver, two guys were in front of me & of course there are hold ups along the way as people put their stuff in the overheads & stuff about getting into their seat, where they put on their seat belt only to have to take it off again to get something out of their bag, which of course is in the overhead. I was stuck behind these two guys when I noticed they were getting into my row & I had the window seat so I stopped them & as I got into my seat I laughed, thinking that one of these 20 year old boys could be my perfect match! However sitting next to these boys, I realised that these were not the perfect match for me when they started going through the movies that were available on the in-flight channels, where they found a movie & decided that they needed to be started at the same time so that they could watch them together, restarting the movie twice to make sure they would watch it together.

I arrived in Banff & found a job within a few weeks at a currency exchange – I had no idea what I was doing there to be honest. I gave away money all the time by accident but I never got fired… But before I got the job, I had done a tour for 6 days to get to Banff, I met lots of people as a younger backpacker. When I settled in Banff though, I got stuck in a room with 7 other people – all boys! Now I’m no prude, that’s fine, but they didn’t they have to put me in a room with only boys in it… How weird for them, 1 chick?! I wonder if one of these boys could be the one I’m going to stay in Canada for? Not likely, as they’re all fucking Australian! But who knows… Lets just hope they don’t snore!

Ok so the boys snore & they have no respect for anyone because some of them came home, talked at a normal volume & stuff around going through their stuff, peeing with the door open until they finally get into bed & start snoring! So I slept with my mp3 player (Yes, I had a MP3 Player then!) on which meant I didn’t sleep very well at all.

I don’t spend a lot of time in my room because the boys are not really that friendly, so sitting in the common room when I talk to my first Canadian, that’s right I have been in Canada for 8 days now & I’ve only just met my first real Canadian & he seemed quite nice, a bit quiet & didn’t have a good sense of humour plus half the time he didn’t understand what I was saying, which made the conversation a bit stale. But he tried & I tried… I need to make some friends here!

I sit in the common room most of the day trying to meet some new people, but is so hard just butting into people’s conversations & trying to get them to be your friend. A couple of girls came & sat next to me on the couch for a bit & we talked which was really good, but once their dinner was ready they left. They were really nice to talk to & I think that I will probably talk to them again. So at this stage still not job or friends yet. But I’m hopefully, I have only been here on my own for two days. While still looking for my job, I am spending a lot of time in the common room, because I’m not going to meet anyone new in the all boys dorm room!

I chat to the Canadian guy every day when he is in there too… We chat a bit before he goes off to break in his new ski boots. He seems to keep going out to get coffees & break in his boots, I feel like I’m his only friend too, which is a bit sad considering he is from this country – but it’s good to have someone I guess.

I change rooms because I can’t handle being with all these aussie boys. I’m here to meet a Canadian! Though now I’m going into a girls dorm I probably won’t meet any boys, however I am at least going to make some friends.

One morning, I was having some breakfast, in the common room, now looking for some places to live, when the Canadian Guy asked me if I wanted to go up Sulphur Mountain with him, as I had my job interview that afternoon, I had to say no. That kind of sucks, but hopefully he’ll ask me again or we can do something another time.

The girls that I was talking to in the common room have become a bit of a friendship group for me, I have found out that they are sisters & here on a working holiday too but are struggling to get a job too. They invite me out one night to bingo, which I am not sure about but decide to go. We get there & they are closing the doors & not letting people in, like they are turning people away!

This is where the sisters, tell me about how weird this Canadian guy, who I’ve been chatting too thinking, he’s not a bad guy, Apparently. he’s a bit of a stalker, asking both the girls to kiss him one night when they were out, when the both said no he said “Come on its Banff” so now I am glad that I didn’t go on the walk with him. He didn’t have a very good sense of humour anyway – something I am very attracted too, he didn’t really get any of my jokes or understand what I was saying to him & from what I hear, he is pretty close to being kicked out of the hostel. Also, do you know what I just realised, he has worn the same outfit everyday that I have been here!

The bar we’re at closes at 2am so we go back to the hostel only to find the Canadian Guy out the front doing something very strange, which is a little hard to describe, but he was kind of throwing his arms up in the air & walking backwards, looked like some sort of rain dance. He came inside & told us that the lighter he was trying to blow up wasn’t going to blow up. At this point I snuck out & went to bed. It was after all 3am & WTF!

After about a month or 2, living & working in Banff, I was in a bit of routine now. One day I went & had some dinner, bought a book being that I have finished the one I brought with me, I walked home to see some deer or elk on the road wandering around a little bit lost – it’s a small town & there isn’t a lot to do to… I came home to a phone call from one of the women at work. She said she had someone to talk to me, WTF? Who would be calling me at work? It turns out that it was this guy that my boss thinks likes me as he flirts & stuff when he comes in. I just joke around & said that he seemed nice – never thinking that a man would be interested in me. Of course the chick at work, took it further & told him to ask me out, which is kind of weird because I don’t really date in Australia (I guess I do now! Hahaha), usually I would meet the guy with a group of friends so if he’s a loser then you can ditch him, so on the phone with this guy, he asks me out & for my phone number & said he’d give me a call. My boss rang me after he left & said he did a little jump when I gave him my number.Canada travel dickhead.pngI never get a call from that guy, what a surprise! My boss told me that the chick at work had forced him to call me, which I knew because it was her number that came up when she called. But my boss tells me that he came in to work to get my number again because apparently he lost it, so my boss gave it to him on a piece of paper when he passed it back to her & said how about you write your number down too. So that confirms it, guys are all jerks, no matter what country you are in! Nothing changed either, no matter how old you get.


Noodle #20

Noodle, Noodle, Noodle! What the actual fuck am I still doing? I know you’re all thinking it. Believe me, I am thinking it too… I need to work my way out of this somehow… But of course, I don’t. I wait around for him to be online, I wait around for his messages all day when we’re at work. I wait for him to suggest the next time we’re going to fuck. I wait a lot for this guy. Why aren’t I saying “Fuck you Noodle, I’m not waiting anymore, leave her & be with me or we’re over” FUCK… Firstly I would never give him an ultimatum, because I’m not that type of woman, I wish I was sometimes. But I am not going to trick someone into being with me & second, where the fuck did that come from?! Do I want him to leave her for me? Would it even work out? Why don’t I ask him to leave his partner? JESUS… WTF!

These kind of thoughts are just because this week has been weird, I’m tired from work, I have been sleeping with paperwork on the weekends, I have been withdrawn a lot from the chat app that even Sweetie (Max’s wife) has noticed & been messaging Noodle to find out if I am ok. He asks me what he should tell her & I said the truth, so he shows me what he messages her to say “Yeah she’s super busy with work over the last few days, I saw her this morning, she’s all good. She had work in bed with her tho, so yeah she’s got a lot of work stuff on her mind” I had something big that I was working on & it was taking up my mental space, so I’d been working at home a bit after hours, hence the bed time reading material. I know others had noticed my absence too. Later Noodle, takes a screenshot of my profile picture & sends it to me with writing over it LOST – If found please contact Sweetie” I literally laugh my head off & think I better message her, since I am on the chat app everyday chatting to him, I could find a second to message her. I have become what I hate, ‘too busy’ & absorbed in work & chatting to Noodle that I barely have been doing anything else.

So this morning, Noodle did sneak into my house before work on a Sunday to fuck me, then obviously had Sweetie worried about me, which is sweet. But also things are a bit weird with her since I haven’t seen her since her birthday or really talked to Max since he sent me a message for my birthday & we chatted a bit while I was in Hawaii, but then he ended up ghosting me again. I knew I shouldn’t even reply to his messages…

Noodle has also started showering at my house before he leaves, especially on nights where he goes home & knows she’s going to be awake. Usually on a Tuesday night she’s asleep when he gets home so he didn’t have to worry. He’s even told me that he’s slept next to her without showering, covered in our cum. I think it’s kind of sexy, but also so disrespectful… I am in this is a weird phase where I am turned on by the things he does but also appalled that someone would do that to someone that they say they love… It’s a weird feeling for me – please don’t think that I am as horrible as I sound!! Unless you’ve been in this position, you have no idea what you’d do. I always said I’d never keep chatting to married/partnered men & I did make sure I never did, except for Rob Rob, but I never met him, it was all online.

So now that Noodle’s partner is pregnant, apparently she has a heightened sense of smell (is that a real thing when pregnant?!) & has started sniffing his cock when he gets home, mainly from the gym. Yes you read that right… Firstly, how does that conversation even go? I could never ask a man to let me sniff his cock because I think he’s cheating on me. But also, why does he let her?! Does he pull it out & she sniffs it then they go make dinner or some other mundane thing? My imagination runs wild of course, I assume she sucks it after sniffing it, but I have no idea, I don’t ask but I hate when he tells me that she’s sniffed his cock. I get really jealous. I know he’s with her & obviously fucking her still – she’s pregnant, but I don’t usually think about them together… I guess what I don’t know doesn’t hurt me…. I heard a quote that said ‘We only believe the lies that will protect our feelings’ & I think that it’s so true… She believes I don’t exist, just as much as I believe she doesn’t exist… But question, which one of us is the dumbest here? I think me… As much as I don’t want to think about her or think I am the dumbest in this equation, I really am, I know about her, I am aware of the situation I am in, I’m not being lied to every time I ask if he’s cheating. Fuck I am so stupid!

Noodle believe the lies.png

So, back to the story, hahaha. He’s started showering before he leaves, I oddly like him showering at my house. Milky would shower but I never thought about it like I do with Noodle. I like him in my shower, sometimes I get in with him & we kiss & touch, but usually we get horny & he looks at his watch then we have to get out. When he’s done tonight, he basically throws the towel back on the rack so much so that I send a picture of his towel on the rack looking ridiculous, scrunched up & then I fix it & send a picture of what it should look like. I am, of course, being funny, it doesn’t bother me that much, but I wonder if it would piss me off if we lived together? Also how does it dry if it’s all bunched up? I guess if it’s my towel then it’ll piss me off, but if it’s his towel, that’s his problem – unless he then uses my towel because his is wet! Hahaha, I am almost certain that’s what he would do at home!

It does make me wonder what I would be like living with another person now… I’ve been living back in my house after returning from Canada for about 6 years now, all alone. I am set in my ways, I know that, I think that will be daunting for a guy to come into my life now, I know that my house looks like a show home, friends tell me that all the time, but it’s easy to keep it clean when you are the only one that lives there. Also I travel for work a lot, so much so that sometimes I am only home from Friday to Sunday, away for a couple of weeks consecutively. But even when I am home, all I do is go to work & gym then fuck Noodle, so I am barely at my house anyway. I generally come home from work when I am home, go to gym class, shower & get into bed. I’m barely ever in any of the other rooms, there’s no point.

A few days later, our usual Tuesday evening, I decide to leave the door unlock but not tell him anything… We’ve been talking about christening every room in my house. I have fucked in the big spare room before with Milky & Max, however I haven’t with Noodle. I decide to lay on the spare bed with a vibrator. I hear him walk in front door, he’s never quiet when he walks in, he’ll never be able to surprise me because he’s so loud. I have the vibe on teasing me as I see him walk past the spare room door, straight into my bedroom. I smirk knowing that he is going to be feeling stupid but I know he can hear the vibrator. He pokes his head into the spare room & says “Hmmm, what do we have here?” He undresses quickly & is on the bed kissing me. He’s on top of me & sliding easily into me being that I am turned on from the vibrator, he’s fucking me hard when something happens, I’m not sure how but his shoulder hits my jaw & it locks open. I’ve told you this before that I have jaw issues. Usually when I yawn it will sometimes lock open, it’s horrible, it hurts & it locked once with Milky when I was sucking his cock.

He realises something has happened & that I can’t talk, with my mouth wide open. I sit up massaging the sides of my jaw to loosen it up, but it won’t close. I can’t fucking sit here looking like an idiot clown that you stick the balls in their mouth at the fair. FUCK. I am so scared, WTF why won’t it close. This is the scariest moment of my life… He’s freaking out too, I’m pacing around, naked, wondering what the fuck I am supposed to do. I’m freaking out which is making it worse – thinking Noodle is going to have to take me to the emergency room & then I’m thinking what the fuck we are going to say at the hospital. Would he have to speak to someone there for me? Would he come in? (I find out later that his brother & sister in law both work at my local hospital, so he probably wouldn’t come in!) I wonder if he would talk to my sister on the phone to let her know he’s dropped me off at emergency, so someone could be there with me?

I google how to close it, of course everything to says to relax. Yeah, not easy to relax when in pain & feeling like a dickhead! It’s been a long time & it’s hurting a lot. Something suggests to lay on your side & massage it. I can’t talk & I’m feeling like an absolute fucking idiot. So I lay down rubbing it trying to think of anything but the fact my jaw has locked open for what seems like an eternity. It finally releases & I am so relieved… I know he is too, he’s sitting next to me on the couch naked, not sure what to do but he’s got his phone – also googling & a soft cock, I don’t think I’ve ever seen it soft… Fuck what a buzz kill!


Guest Blog: Locked Out Of Heaven

Another Guest Blog from a reader of mine. I love these stories… I hope you do too! Breaks up the ongoing stories I share.

I believe this was another bloggers stories, but I don’t have the link of where it is posted!

Bit of a short one, but a good one! Hahaha.

Hope you enjoy anyway.

Locked out of Heaven

I hadn’t been separated very long, and as any newly single woman does, I went through a bit of a wild phase.

My favourite drink went from hot milo to tequila, my clothes from mumsy to classy single lady on the prowl, hooker heels, red lips, and a whole lot of sass.

Now considering I’ve never been a huge drinker I had to learn to manage my drinks and to handle my liquor.

I was out with the girls, frocked up to the nines, a few drinks under my belt when I saw him. We had locked eyes a few times and I gave him that cheeky smile, liquor induced of course.

Bruno Mars Locked out of Heaven came on and I’d made up my mind. I wanted to dance. I wanted to sexy dance. I wanted to sexy dance with him.

So with that extra dutch courage I hopped down from the stool I was on and strutted over to him, lets just call him Mr Hottie. Not only because he was sexy as fuck, his body was rock hard muscle, but when my hands found their way under his shirt he was warm, no, hot, to touch. Argh! Got there way too early. Rewind…

As I swayed my hips over to Mr Hottie, I reached for his hand and asked him to dance expecting him to oblige, however, he chose this point that he decided to play shy and told me he couldn’t dance.

I laughed and told him “there’s no such thing as can’t dance. Dancing is just like sex and I bet you rock in bed”. Yep. Good old dutch courage because this girl would never have said that to a stranger sober.

And with that I led him to the dance floor, stood in front of him with my hands on my hips, rolled my hips and then raised my hands in the air and with one I slowly sexily ran one hand down the inside of my still raise arm, down my throat, between my breasts to my hip, then lifted my hand and bit my finger and purred to him “tell me you can’t dance again”, before hooking my finger into the keeper of his jeans above his crotch and pulled him toward me.

Girl was on fire!

I placed my hands on each of his hips and stood with one of his legs between my two. I whispered in his ear and gave him the sultriest look I could manage, “show me how you can dance, just pretend you are having sex”.

And as the music blared in the club we proceeded to sexy dance to the sound of Bruno Mars. Hips rolling, hands wandering, neck kissing, ear sucking, heart rates increasing.

And by the end of the song, Mr Hottie showed me he definitely could dance, and later on that evening he showed me that those dance moves were incredibly arousing, orgasm building, sexy as fuck sex moves as well.

And that ladies is my memory of Locked out of Heaven, Mr Hottie and the night I got crazy on tequila and had the confidence to approach the hottest guy in the club.

Thanks dutch courage. Love you!052816 (3).png


Noodle #19

For new readers to #IBD4U, I am well aware of the triggers in this story. I apologise to any one that is upset by my story. But remember, you are basically reading my journal… People make mistakes, I’m sure you have. Just sometimes our mistakes differ from other people… So having said that I hope you stick with me & my Noodle story.

Noodle asks me what it is about him that makes me keep coming back, well this is a easy question to answer for me, but I do ask myself the same thing, because surely I can find all the things I like about him in a single guy… But I guess if that were true, then I wouldn’t still be writing this blog! Hahaha. “From my perspective, it’s cos we have amazing sexual chemistry. You’ve given me confidence, we like each other & we feel comfortable enough to say anything, usually what we want sexually… then we actually do it. Live out fantasy’s… Plus cos we don’t see each other when we want, we build up the sexual tension… which is annoying but makes it hotter. We also have mind blowing sex… Every. Time. & you’re kinda sexy!” I don’t tell him but I also think he’s funny, we have great fun banter, he is my best friend. I tell him everything without judgement, even my weight! He agrees but then he can’t believe I even complimented him, I don’t do it very often even though his ego needs it. I struggle with this to be honest, I don’t want to be the douche out there saying I think someone is hot when they don’t reciprocate. He asks me “Did it hurt a little to compliment me?” I actually laugh out loud, but I don’t tell him that, I just tell him that it did hurt. Hahaha… Fuck I’m a stubborn bitch! When I tell him that I find him sexy he is surprised & laughs at me saying he should screen shot that, luckily I’m safe, he doesn’t… Well actually he doesn’t really know I do, I mean I’ve told him that I do, but I wonder if he does & saves them in his little secret app? So while on a roll, I say “In all seriousness … I do think you’re sexy, with a cute butt… I’m horny all the time when I think about you fucking me… The sex we have is so amazing that I haven’t wanted it with anyone else. And I love Mr Dom Noodle, he’s so much fun!” HoLY FuCkInG BaTsHiT, did I just say the L word?! Fuck I hope he doesn’t freak out! But all he says “Are you alright over there?” knowing I am never like this with him. I tell him that that is the last nice message from me & he laughs.

Noodle build him up.png

Lately I have noticed him posting more pictures of himself in the groups, especially since he has been going to the gym, he’s proud of his improvements, which he should be, of course, he looks fucking sexy… So I should be more complimentary to him, I bet he’s not getting compliments at home & I do find him sexy as fuck – considering he’s not what I would usually go for. I get a little jealous of the pictures he posts, that my reaction is to tease him about it & he says “Oi. People need to know what I look like. I don’t have a pfp like you” (pfp means profile picture) then he says to me “You look cute af in your pfp btw. Fuck, that’s being nice. Grrr” Hahaha, people NEED to know what he looks like?! What the fuck for? He’s got a partner & me, why the fuck would he be looking for anything else… Reminds me of Max, when he acted like a douche at Switch kissing another chick while there with me & his wife – as if that’s not enough, he needs another chick?! Fuck I hate being jealous. But I know that Noodle is not looking for anyone else, he wouldn’t have the time anyway, unless he ended it with me – I wonder if he’ll ghost me? But between full time work, gym & his family, with his phone being tracked, I’m not even sure how he has enough time for me.

Later that week, I am home from work early after a regional trip & it’s his day off so he brings his iPad – well his son’s iPad, to my house so he can text message if he needs too & also check her location, but has left his phone at home so his location isn’t at my house. He’s turned it off the location settings on the iPad, fuck this is a lot of effort, so much so that I so ask him if I’m even worth it, every time he says yes, that I’m “Defiantly worth it” (yes he says defiantly every time! Hahaha) He comes over & we don’t have a lot of time, we’re in my dining room kissing & undressing each other. I love when he stands behind me kissing my neck undressing me, before spinning me around to kiss me, push me up against the wall… The passion I have for this man is matched by his passion for me, he slides his fingers between my legs making my cum so quickly, that I didn’t even think it was possible, he has to hold me up because I am weak from standing on tippy toes from tying to get away from his fingers. He takes me into the lounge room & sits on the ottoman & I kneel before him sucking his cock, he grabs my hair in only a way a guy can put your hair in a faux ponytail that they hold out of the way. Why is this act of grabbing your hair out of the way so sexy? Even when it takes them about 5 goes before they get all your hair up in one hand? Then they look at your all proud… I love that feeling. I do like my hair being pulled so I like that he uses this mock ponytail to move my head around. He moans & asks me how much I like sucking his cock, like a good little slut. He’s not really called me slut while we’re fucking before, I like it & I realise that he is enjoying this so much. He pulls on my hair when I don’t answer as I’m too busy & I look up at him to say I like it. I hate being forced to say stuff, but I also find it so sexy, I love that he’s being more dominant with me, this is what I want, this is what I love. Of course I don’t need it, but it’s very fun when he does it, I know he enjoys it too but hasn’t ever had the opportunity to be this dominant, so he struggles to have the confidence, but when he does, fuck it turns me on!

He stops me & stands me up, commanding me to sit on his lap. We sit there nose, to nose, kissing, while I rub my clit over his cock just feeling him against me before grab his cock with my hand to guide it inside me. I ride him, we are fucking like there is no tomorrow. It feels like we’ve been fucking for hours, but I look at the clock & it’s only been a short time. I’m thankful that we have more time together, usually it’s the other way around, times goes so fast. Today it feels like it’s standing still. He stops us & commands me to kneel on the ottoman, taking me from behind, I feel him so deep inside me, he spanks my ass without warning so hard that I yelp & somehow get wetter. Why does being spanked turn me on so much. He makes a noise, like he can feel how much wetter I get & spanks me again. I reach between my legs to rub my clit as he speeds up, feeling he is getting close to cumming. I cum pretty hard, with my eyes going blurry & he spanks me once more & I fall flat on the ottoman but he moves with him, not stopping fucking me hard till he cums.

It feels like hours, literally hours that he’s been at my house fucking me, time stood still but it’s only been an hour & 15 minutes before he has to go, to make it home before his partner. Of course later we talk about it, we always seems to discuss the sex we had later than night, I tell him how ridiculously hot it was, he agrees “Yeah was like pure fiction and fantasy but real, and natural… Not forced & lame kinda thing.” I ask him if it ever feels forced, because fuck I don’t want that with him, even when I tie myself up for him, I don’t want him to think that I am forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do with me, he reassures me, “Always comes naturally. I just find that hot. Like your presenting yourself to do whatever I want to you type of way.” Well I’m glad we’re on the same page there… Imagine if I’ve been tying myself up for him to walk into & he didn’t even like it. Surely he would’ve said something by now if he didn’t. I guess I’m just as paranoid about looking like an idiot in front of him as he is in front of me. Phew…

One night he says to me “I bet your an even better fuck tipsy !” Sadly, he’ll probably nebver know, I tell him this & he tells me that “hahaha, you could always get shitfaced one day before I come over. & then let me fuck you like a whore. Bent over & fucked hard” Errr, don’t I do that anyway? He says yes I do let him “Your fucking awesome ! You are the best thing to fuck since sliced bread. Not like anyone fucks slices of bread. But your fucking amazing.” OMG he makes me laugh, I am smiling at my phone in bed, like a fucking wanker. “You make all my fantasies come true. Your like one huge fucking fantasy fucking machine. & the best part is, you suggest half the shit!” I then ask him, what would he rather “One ultimate night with me or a lifetime of carbs without getting fat?” I know how much Noodle likes his food, this will be a hard choice for him. But his reply is instant “One ultimate night with you.” Awwww, fuck!


Mixed Bag – Arrogant, Chatterbox, Drunk & UK

So, just so you know, I’m definitely not running out of stories of men I have dated or talked to over the years, don’t be worried about that – it’s actually disturbing me how much I actually have to write about! But I am going to start writing what I call a mixed bag series, which are basically just a couple of stories that aren’t really long enough for a blog post on their own but are worthy a blog post. (I did steal a similar idea from a fellow blogger! Thanks She-Wolf!)

So this filler blog (as I call them so you don’t get bored with the main story) is a mixed bag of a few different men. Still significant, but I probably should’ve written about them as it was happening or screen shotted more stuff, so I have some more content! Hahaha… But anyway, here are some short stories!Mixed bag arrogant uk chatterbox.png


Well this guy, Arrogant I matched with wasn’t even that cute or attractive to me, he actually reminded me of the popped collar dude I dated ages ago, Offroad. He wasn’t my type looks wise, but I was trying to expand the people I chat too & thought, why not “give him a go” (I’m going to shoot myself if I ever say that again!) Here is our exchange, you tell me where I went wrong?! I will happily take pointers on this one!

“Hey Arrogant, How are you?”

“Hey #IBD4U, How’s it going? Happy Friday. Nice Profile”

“Happy Friday to you too! Thanks”

“So how’s your weekend looking #IBD4U?” I wish he’d stop using my name… I know what it is, stop saying it! Why do men use your name a lot?

“Not too bad, yours?”

“Cycling in the morning but it’ll probably piss down haha, then a date. In a coffee shop. Hardly ideal.” Ok, right… I mean I know we’re on a dating app here & we’re not exclusive, nor have we met, but really does this guy have to tell me he’s going on a date today?! Also why didn’t he suggest somewhere better if he didn’t want to meet in a coffee shop? What is wrong with a coffee date anyway? I think you should meet at least for a drink or coffee or something… What does this guy even want from a date?

“What’s your ideal date then?”

“Depends on the premise of what’s ahead didn’t it Ms #IBD4U. Women hit 34 & suddenly fun, flirtatious, sex appeal, go with the flow gets replaces with stale interviews” Errr, what?! Is this guy serious!?

“You didn’t answer the question?” What is his perfect date? Are we clear on that?

“I did & more. So BDSM, something I’ve haven’t tried yet! Enjoy it?” Yeah he did type ‘I’ve haven’t tried’ that’s not a typo from me. hahaha… Does this guy seriously think he’s going to get fun flirty messages from me now? He’s an arrogant fuck!

“Well I disagree that you’ve answered… You explained what women are apparently like on a date, not what your ideal date was… Yeah I do enjoy it obviously.”

“Seems like you’ve just proven my point. There goes fun & flirtation flying out the window” Yeah because you’re an asshole!

“How have I proven the point? You said a coffee date was boring, I asked what your ideal date would be & you told me women over 34 are a stale interview!?” He doesn’t write back & delete him before he even gets a chance!

Yeah… That really happened!



Thank you next… I find another man I am not really that attracted too… This might be the ‘I’m not really that attracted too’ series. WTF?! No offence intended here either, but I mean you all know I have no self confidence, so when I say this, it’s not because I have a big head, but these guys should be so lucky that I matched with them, I am a bit out of their league to be honest so maybe they know that & just try it on or maybe they are just douchebags!

“Hey Chatterbox, how are you?”

“Hey good thanks & you”

“Yeah not too bad thanks. What’s happening?”

“Not Much really what about you? Coming over?

“Coming over?” Is he serious? After hello pleasantries, he invites me over? Well that wasn’t even really an invite.

“Haha yes”

“You’re 144kms away so doubtful” How did I match with someone so far away? How the fuck does that even happen?!

“Dammm” I hit delete but really, is this what men do? Does it even work? & why was he so far away from me?! I’d be interested to see how often that approach works for someone.



Another man, another few wasted days of messaging… Again, someone that I’m not really that in too but in the interest of this blog, I give them a go… Why do they start off normal & I start thinking about a future meeting with these guys, then bam! They fucking get weird!

“Hi #IBD4U, how are you?

“Hey, I’m good, you?”

“Good thanks, Just got back to work today though, unfortunately. So what do you get up to #IBD4U? I see you’re from the south suburb, I grew up there.” Why does he keep using my name too?

“Oh did you really? I have hurt my back a bit so struggling at the moment” Not sure why I offered up that info, usually they offer a massage that I will not accept.

“That’s no good!! How’d you do that?”

“I’m not sure… Driving so much I think” He then takes almost 24 hours to reply.

“Not good! How’s it going getting any better?” I stupidly take 3 days to reply… Probably because I’m not that into him, I just overlook the fact I haven’t written back. Whoops!

“Sorry Drunk, I thought I wrote back to you… My back is heaps better, how’s your week going?” He writes back at 6:30 am the next day.

“Just work unfortunately lol, I’m here till the 12th then 2 weeks at home” I don’t reply or see that message, then later that night, I get some more messages.

“Hey hun… I’m flat out intrigued by you!! lol I’m crazy sexual open minded!!! I love your pics!! Lol I’m a crane operator so of course I am a rigger lol flat out 100% dead honest!! I would love someone who would like to try swinging with me!!” WHAT THE FUCK! Is he serious? Swinging? We haven’t even met yet!

“I’ve had 3 somes before & shitty so called 4 somes!! I want someone whos dedicated to me & crazy open minded to have some fun together!! If that makes sense” Before I even see those messages, the next morning at 6:30 am, I get another message from him.

“I really need to turn my phone off when I’ve been drinking!!” I delete him…  Firstly, everyone reading this knows I would probably be open to some sort open relationship with an established partner – eventually, but no way would I be venturing into that with a dude I didn’t even know… WHAT THE FUCK. I guess putting up that I am kinky, wasn’t a good idea. I thought it would attract a guy who understood kink, not every Tom, Dick & Harry that wants to try it! 



I find yet another guy I’m not that attracted too… I pretty much match with everyone I say yes too, again not being big headed, I do believe that I have gotten a bit better looking as I got older & also my pictures are amazing! Hahaha. So pretty much every guy I like, I get a like back & we match.

“Hey UK, how are you?”

“Yes doing great thanks. How are you? I’m moving back to the UK fri night. I start a new job in rugby on Monday. Are you around before I go?” Well at least this dude is honest about what this will be & what he wants.

“Hmmm, probably not” I’m going away for work & have a busy weekend, don’t think I can be bothered squeezing in a dude who’s leaving.

“I’d love to meet you today?” Yeah of course he would… “From you pics #IBD4U are you into BDSM?”

“I can’t… I work. Probably not much point if you’re leaving Monday. BDSM is not about ONS” (ONS is one night stand)

“Well I think your gorgeous & would love to see you. I know I wish I wasn’t leaving. Would love you to be my submissive” OMG, because that’s how you get a submissive… Fucking hell people are really uneducated about kink.

“Well, as you would know if you’re actually into BDSM. It takes time to build a D/s relationship. That which you don’t have. Enjoy your last few days here” Then I hit delete..

Seriously, I don’t even understand how these men even get matches! The scary thing about them is though, they’ll probably be married before me!

So that is my first mixed bag! Who was your favourite? Hahaha.