Guest Blog: Locked Out Of Heaven

Another Guest Blog from a reader of mine. I love these stories… I hope you do too! Breaks up the ongoing stories I share.

I believe this was another bloggers stories, but I don’t have the link of where it is posted!

Bit of a short one, but a good one! Hahaha.

Hope you enjoy anyway.

Locked out of Heaven

I hadn’t been separated very long, and as any newly single woman does, I went through a bit of a wild phase.

My favourite drink went from hot milo to tequila, my clothes from mumsy to classy single lady on the prowl, hooker heels, red lips, and a whole lot of sass.

Now considering I’ve never been a huge drinker I had to learn to manage my drinks and to handle my liquor.

I was out with the girls, frocked up to the nines, a few drinks under my belt when I saw him. We had locked eyes a few times and I gave him that cheeky smile, liquor induced of course.

Bruno Mars Locked out of Heaven came on and I’d made up my mind. I wanted to dance. I wanted to sexy dance. I wanted to sexy dance with him.

So with that extra dutch courage I hopped down from the stool I was on and strutted over to him, lets just call him Mr Hottie. Not only because he was sexy as fuck, his body was rock hard muscle, but when my hands found their way under his shirt he was warm, no, hot, to touch. Argh! Got there way too early. Rewind…

As I swayed my hips over to Mr Hottie, I reached for his hand and asked him to dance expecting him to oblige, however, he chose this point that he decided to play shy and told me he couldn’t dance.

I laughed and told him “there’s no such thing as can’t dance. Dancing is just like sex and I bet you rock in bed”. Yep. Good old dutch courage because this girl would never have said that to a stranger sober.

And with that I led him to the dance floor, stood in front of him with my hands on my hips, rolled my hips and then raised my hands in the air and with one I slowly sexily ran one hand down the inside of my still raise arm, down my throat, between my breasts to my hip, then lifted my hand and bit my finger and purred to him “tell me you can’t dance again”, before hooking my finger into the keeper of his jeans above his crotch and pulled him toward me.

Girl was on fire!

I placed my hands on each of his hips and stood with one of his legs between my two. I whispered in his ear and gave him the sultriest look I could manage, “show me how you can dance, just pretend you are having sex”.

And as the music blared in the club we proceeded to sexy dance to the sound of Bruno Mars. Hips rolling, hands wandering, neck kissing, ear sucking, heart rates increasing.

And by the end of the song, Mr Hottie showed me he definitely could dance, and later on that evening he showed me that those dance moves were incredibly arousing, orgasm building, sexy as fuck sex moves as well.

And that ladies is my memory of Locked out of Heaven, Mr Hottie and the night I got crazy on tequila and had the confidence to approach the hottest guy in the club.

Thanks dutch courage. Love you!052816 (3).png

#IBD4U

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Noodle #19

For new readers to #IBD4U, I am well aware of the triggers in this story. I apologise to any one that is upset by my story. But remember, you are basically reading my journal… People make mistakes, I’m sure you have. Just sometimes our mistakes differ from other people… So having said that I hope you stick with me & my Noodle story.

Noodle asks me what it is about him that makes me keep coming back, well this is a easy question to answer for me, but I do ask myself the same thing, because surely I can find all the things I like about him in a single guy… But I guess if that were true, then I wouldn’t still be writing this blog! Hahaha. “From my perspective, it’s cos we have amazing sexual chemistry. You’ve given me confidence, we like each other & we feel comfortable enough to say anything, usually what we want sexually… then we actually do it. Live out fantasy’s… Plus cos we don’t see each other when we want, we build up the sexual tension… which is annoying but makes it hotter. We also have mind blowing sex… Every. Time. & you’re kinda sexy!” I don’t tell him but I also think he’s funny, we have great fun banter, he is my best friend. I tell him everything without judgement, even my weight! He agrees but then he can’t believe I even complimented him, I don’t do it very often even though his ego needs it. I struggle with this to be honest, I don’t want to be the douche out there saying I think someone is hot when they don’t reciprocate. He asks me “Did it hurt a little to compliment me?” I actually laugh out loud, but I don’t tell him that, I just tell him that it did hurt. Hahaha… Fuck I’m a stubborn bitch! When I tell him that I find him sexy he is surprised & laughs at me saying he should screen shot that, luckily I’m safe, he doesn’t… Well actually he doesn’t really know I do, I mean I’ve told him that I do, but I wonder if he does & saves them in his little secret app? So while on a roll, I say “In all seriousness … I do think you’re sexy, with a cute butt… I’m horny all the time when I think about you fucking me… The sex we have is so amazing that I haven’t wanted it with anyone else. And I love Mr Dom Noodle, he’s so much fun!” HoLY FuCkInG BaTsHiT, did I just say the L word?! Fuck I hope he doesn’t freak out! But all he says “Are you alright over there?” knowing I am never like this with him. I tell him that that is the last nice message from me & he laughs.

Noodle build him up.png

Lately I have noticed him posting more pictures of himself in the groups, especially since he has been going to the gym, he’s proud of his improvements, which he should be, of course, he looks fucking sexy… So I should be more complimentary to him, I bet he’s not getting compliments at home & I do find him sexy as fuck – considering he’s not what I would usually go for. I get a little jealous of the pictures he posts, that my reaction is to tease him about it & he says “Oi. People need to know what I look like. I don’t have a pfp like you” (pfp means profile picture) then he says to me “You look cute af in your pfp btw. Fuck, that’s being nice. Grrr” Hahaha, people NEED to know what he looks like?! What the fuck for? He’s got a partner & me, why the fuck would he be looking for anything else… Reminds me of Max, when he acted like a douche at Switch kissing another chick while there with me & his wife – as if that’s not enough, he needs another chick?! Fuck I hate being jealous. But I know that Noodle is not looking for anyone else, he wouldn’t have the time anyway, unless he ended it with me – I wonder if he’ll ghost me? But between full time work, gym & his family, with his phone being tracked, I’m not even sure how he has enough time for me.

Later that week, I am home from work early after a regional trip & it’s his day off so he brings his iPad – well his son’s iPad, to my house so he can text message if he needs too & also check her location, but has left his phone at home so his location isn’t at my house. He’s turned it off the location settings on the iPad, fuck this is a lot of effort, so much so that I so ask him if I’m even worth it, every time he says yes, that I’m “Defiantly worth it” (yes he says defiantly every time! Hahaha) He comes over & we don’t have a lot of time, we’re in my dining room kissing & undressing each other. I love when he stands behind me kissing my neck undressing me, before spinning me around to kiss me, push me up against the wall… The passion I have for this man is matched by his passion for me, he slides his fingers between my legs making my cum so quickly, that I didn’t even think it was possible, he has to hold me up because I am weak from standing on tippy toes from tying to get away from his fingers. He takes me into the lounge room & sits on the ottoman & I kneel before him sucking his cock, he grabs my hair in only a way a guy can put your hair in a faux ponytail that they hold out of the way. Why is this act of grabbing your hair out of the way so sexy? Even when it takes them about 5 goes before they get all your hair up in one hand? Then they look at your all proud… I love that feeling. I do like my hair being pulled so I like that he uses this mock ponytail to move my head around. He moans & asks me how much I like sucking his cock, like a good little slut. He’s not really called me slut while we’re fucking before, I like it & I realise that he is enjoying this so much. He pulls on my hair when I don’t answer as I’m too busy & I look up at him to say I like it. I hate being forced to say stuff, but I also find it so sexy, I love that he’s being more dominant with me, this is what I want, this is what I love. Of course I don’t need it, but it’s very fun when he does it, I know he enjoys it too but hasn’t ever had the opportunity to be this dominant, so he struggles to have the confidence, but when he does, fuck it turns me on!

He stops me & stands me up, commanding me to sit on his lap. We sit there nose, to nose, kissing, while I rub my clit over his cock just feeling him against me before grab his cock with my hand to guide it inside me. I ride him, we are fucking like there is no tomorrow. It feels like we’ve been fucking for hours, but I look at the clock & it’s only been a short time. I’m thankful that we have more time together, usually it’s the other way around, times goes so fast. Today it feels like it’s standing still. He stops us & commands me to kneel on the ottoman, taking me from behind, I feel him so deep inside me, he spanks my ass without warning so hard that I yelp & somehow get wetter. Why does being spanked turn me on so much. He makes a noise, like he can feel how much wetter I get & spanks me again. I reach between my legs to rub my clit as he speeds up, feeling he is getting close to cumming. I cum pretty hard, with my eyes going blurry & he spanks me once more & I fall flat on the ottoman but he moves with him, not stopping fucking me hard till he cums.

It feels like hours, literally hours that he’s been at my house fucking me, time stood still but it’s only been an hour & 15 minutes before he has to go, to make it home before his partner. Of course later we talk about it, we always seems to discuss the sex we had later than night, I tell him how ridiculously hot it was, he agrees “Yeah was like pure fiction and fantasy but real, and natural… Not forced & lame kinda thing.” I ask him if it ever feels forced, because fuck I don’t want that with him, even when I tie myself up for him, I don’t want him to think that I am forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to do with me, he reassures me, “Always comes naturally. I just find that hot. Like your presenting yourself to do whatever I want to you type of way.” Well I’m glad we’re on the same page there… Imagine if I’ve been tying myself up for him to walk into & he didn’t even like it. Surely he would’ve said something by now if he didn’t. I guess I’m just as paranoid about looking like an idiot in front of him as he is in front of me. Phew…

One night he says to me “I bet your an even better fuck tipsy !” Sadly, he’ll probably nebver know, I tell him this & he tells me that “hahaha, you could always get shitfaced one day before I come over. & then let me fuck you like a whore. Bent over & fucked hard” Errr, don’t I do that anyway? He says yes I do let him “Your fucking awesome ! You are the best thing to fuck since sliced bread. Not like anyone fucks slices of bread. But your fucking amazing.” OMG he makes me laugh, I am smiling at my phone in bed, like a fucking wanker. “You make all my fantasies come true. Your like one huge fucking fantasy fucking machine. & the best part is, you suggest half the shit!” I then ask him, what would he rather “One ultimate night with me or a lifetime of carbs without getting fat?” I know how much Noodle likes his food, this will be a hard choice for him. But his reply is instant “One ultimate night with you.” Awwww, fuck!

#IBD4U

Mixed Bag – Arrogant, Chatterbox, Drunk & UK

So, just so you know, I’m definitely not running out of stories of men I have dated or talked to over the years, don’t be worried about that – it’s actually disturbing me how much I actually have to write about! But I am going to start writing what I call a mixed bag series, which are basically just a couple of stories that aren’t really long enough for a blog post on their own but are worthy a blog post. (I did steal a similar idea from a fellow blogger! Thanks She-Wolf!)

So this filler blog (as I call them so you don’t get bored with the main story) is a mixed bag of a few different men. Still significant, but I probably should’ve written about them as it was happening or screen shotted more stuff, so I have some more content! Hahaha… But anyway, here are some short stories!Mixed bag arrogant uk chatterbox.png

Arrogant

Well this guy, Arrogant I matched with wasn’t even that cute or attractive to me, he actually reminded me of the popped collar dude I dated ages ago, Offroad. He wasn’t my type looks wise, but I was trying to expand the people I chat too & thought, why not “give him a go” (I’m going to shoot myself if I ever say that again!) Here is our exchange, you tell me where I went wrong?! I will happily take pointers on this one!

“Hey Arrogant, How are you?”

“Hey #IBD4U, How’s it going? Happy Friday. Nice Profile”

“Happy Friday to you too! Thanks”

“So how’s your weekend looking #IBD4U?” I wish he’d stop using my name… I know what it is, stop saying it! Why do men use your name a lot?

“Not too bad, yours?”

“Cycling in the morning but it’ll probably piss down haha, then a date. In a coffee shop. Hardly ideal.” Ok, right… I mean I know we’re on a dating app here & we’re not exclusive, nor have we met, but really does this guy have to tell me he’s going on a date today?! Also why didn’t he suggest somewhere better if he didn’t want to meet in a coffee shop? What is wrong with a coffee date anyway? I think you should meet at least for a drink or coffee or something… What does this guy even want from a date?

“What’s your ideal date then?”

“Depends on the premise of what’s ahead didn’t it Ms #IBD4U. Women hit 34 & suddenly fun, flirtatious, sex appeal, go with the flow gets replaces with stale interviews” Errr, what?! Is this guy serious!?

“You didn’t answer the question?” What is his perfect date? Are we clear on that?

“I did & more. So BDSM, something I’ve haven’t tried yet! Enjoy it?” Yeah he did type ‘I’ve haven’t tried’ that’s not a typo from me. hahaha… Does this guy seriously think he’s going to get fun flirty messages from me now? He’s an arrogant fuck!

“Well I disagree that you’ve answered… You explained what women are apparently like on a date, not what your ideal date was… Yeah I do enjoy it obviously.”

“Seems like you’ve just proven my point. There goes fun & flirtation flying out the window” Yeah because you’re an asshole!

“How have I proven the point? You said a coffee date was boring, I asked what your ideal date would be & you told me women over 34 are a stale interview!?” He doesn’t write back & delete him before he even gets a chance!

Yeah… That really happened!

 

Chatterbox

Thank you next… I find another man I am not really that attracted too… This might be the ‘I’m not really that attracted too’ series. WTF?! No offence intended here either, but I mean you all know I have no self confidence, so when I say this, it’s not because I have a big head, but these guys should be so lucky that I matched with them, I am a bit out of their league to be honest so maybe they know that & just try it on or maybe they are just douchebags!

“Hey Chatterbox, how are you?”

“Hey good thanks & you”

“Yeah not too bad thanks. What’s happening?”

“Not Much really what about you? Coming over?

“Coming over?” Is he serious? After hello pleasantries, he invites me over? Well that wasn’t even really an invite.

“Haha yes”

“You’re 144kms away so doubtful” How did I match with someone so far away? How the fuck does that even happen?!

“Dammm” I hit delete but really, is this what men do? Does it even work? & why was he so far away from me?! I’d be interested to see how often that approach works for someone.

 

Drunk

Another man, another few wasted days of messaging… Again, someone that I’m not really that in too but in the interest of this blog, I give them a go… Why do they start off normal & I start thinking about a future meeting with these guys, then bam! They fucking get weird!

“Hi #IBD4U, how are you?

“Hey, I’m good, you?”

“Good thanks, Just got back to work today though, unfortunately. So what do you get up to #IBD4U? I see you’re from the south suburb, I grew up there.” Why does he keep using my name too?

“Oh did you really? I have hurt my back a bit so struggling at the moment” Not sure why I offered up that info, usually they offer a massage that I will not accept.

“That’s no good!! How’d you do that?”

“I’m not sure… Driving so much I think” He then takes almost 24 hours to reply.

“Not good! How’s it going getting any better?” I stupidly take 3 days to reply… Probably because I’m not that into him, I just overlook the fact I haven’t written back. Whoops!

“Sorry Drunk, I thought I wrote back to you… My back is heaps better, how’s your week going?” He writes back at 6:30 am the next day.

“Just work unfortunately lol, I’m here till the 12th then 2 weeks at home” I don’t reply or see that message, then later that night, I get some more messages.

“Hey hun… I’m flat out intrigued by you!! lol I’m crazy sexual open minded!!! I love your pics!! Lol I’m a crane operator so of course I am a rigger lol flat out 100% dead honest!! I would love someone who would like to try swinging with me!!” WHAT THE FUCK! Is he serious? Swinging? We haven’t even met yet!

“I’ve had 3 somes before & shitty so called 4 somes!! I want someone whos dedicated to me & crazy open minded to have some fun together!! If that makes sense” Before I even see those messages, the next morning at 6:30 am, I get another message from him.

“I really need to turn my phone off when I’ve been drinking!!” I delete him…  Firstly, everyone reading this knows I would probably be open to some sort open relationship with an established partner – eventually, but no way would I be venturing into that with a dude I didn’t even know… WHAT THE FUCK. I guess putting up that I am kinky, wasn’t a good idea. I thought it would attract a guy who understood kink, not every Tom, Dick & Harry that wants to try it! 

 

UK

I find yet another guy I’m not that attracted too… I pretty much match with everyone I say yes too, again not being big headed, I do believe that I have gotten a bit better looking as I got older & also my pictures are amazing! Hahaha. So pretty much every guy I like, I get a like back & we match.

“Hey UK, how are you?”

“Yes doing great thanks. How are you? I’m moving back to the UK fri night. I start a new job in rugby on Monday. Are you around before I go?” Well at least this dude is honest about what this will be & what he wants.

“Hmmm, probably not” I’m going away for work & have a busy weekend, don’t think I can be bothered squeezing in a dude who’s leaving.

“I’d love to meet you today?” Yeah of course he would… “From you pics #IBD4U are you into BDSM?”

“I can’t… I work. Probably not much point if you’re leaving Monday. BDSM is not about ONS” (ONS is one night stand)

“Well I think your gorgeous & would love to see you. I know I wish I wasn’t leaving. Would love you to be my submissive” OMG, because that’s how you get a submissive… Fucking hell people are really uneducated about kink.

“Well, as you would know if you’re actually into BDSM. It takes time to build a D/s relationship. That which you don’t have. Enjoy your last few days here” Then I hit delete..

Seriously, I don’t even understand how these men even get matches! The scary thing about them is though, they’ll probably be married before me!

So that is my first mixed bag! Who was your favourite? Hahaha.

#IBD4U

Noodle #18

On Sunday morning Noodle is sneaking into my bed at 7:00 am after not having fucked me since Monday morning! I am horny as fuck & have missed seeing him, not only because I want to fuck him, but I do miss seeing him & having him touch me… I have missed his touch, his lips, his hands, even seeing his face. Not often does Noodle send me a face pic. Usually his dick or something random at his house, but I also want to touch him, feel his skin under my touch too… I miss that! But most of all, I hate that my vagina thinks for me with him, I want to be angry & ignore him… But I am so wet that he slides into me slowly but sweetly & I am cumming so fucking easily… This is just ridiculous! I hate that I have become this person, that I am so easily turned on by him that I can’t stay angry at him… FUCK… I wonder if it’d be like this if we were a couple! No, I must not think like that!

On Tuesday night, we’re back to our usual evening fuck! He is working at a store close by but is working later than usual so he comes to my house later. I am able to keep going to the gym then shower & wait for him. He comes over; I am in bed waiting for him, with the door unlocked. I can’t wait for him to fuck me again. We are kissing so hard as he just fucks me missionary style, seems boring, but fucks me he was hitting all the right places with me… I feel like I am going to cum the whole time, his cock gets me going so easily, I didn’t even know that it could ever feel like this… I feel like I’m going to explode. As he’s fucking me, he sucks my nipples hard or kisses me so deeply, almost so I can’t breathe, this feels so good tonight, why is he able to keep me on the edge by fucking me without cumming? Noodle is literally is the best sex I’ve ever had, even Boyfriend. I don’t look away or close my eyes when he looks at me anymore, we actually look at each other, he used to not look at me either, he’d look away when I look at him & I’d look away when he looks at me – we’re so fucking weird, but maybe it’s a way of protecting ourselves. But now our eyes lock, I look at him & he looks at me, I can see deep in his eyes & I know he can see what I’m thinking on my face, I have no poker face, I have a very expressive face. I feel so vulnerable in this moments when this happens but I can’t help but feel so close to him, I don’t know what this feeling is, I’ve never had it before. What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Or if it just that we’re comfortable with each other? When he breaks eye contact, he keeps fucking me, but then works his mouth all the way down to my nipples to suck them hard, while my arms are pinned above my head (seriously my favourite move), I try to move up the bed to get away from this sweet torture, but I am cumming so loudly, without warning & for a long time that I don’t think it’s ever going to stop! Afterwards he chuckles like a douche, so super proud of himself that he’s made me cum, especially without much clit stimulation, that I tell him to shut up, but he just chuckles more & runs his hands all over me as we lay there. I’m not a huggy person, but fuck I am wrapped around him, it’s not often we get to hug after sex, usually he’s jumping up to leave, but I cherish the times we get to cuddle afterwards. After sex like that – where we connected, I really need to cuddle & almost don’t want to break the spell.

This week has been shit, Noodle did an update on his iPhone, which caused him to not be able to fake his location anymore – this means it’ll be harder to see him, so he’s not been able too on his days off. It’s almost like Apple doesn’t support cheating?! Hahaha… I mean I don’t, this is fucked. I would die if someone cheated on me, but I can’t stop this! We’ve had some great text sex, sent videos & pictures but I hate that he can’t see me because he is tracked on his mobile. So it’s almost a week later, before Noodle is seeing me again, it’s Monday Morning, he’s had the weekend off… The virtual play has been fun, but I want him so badly. We seem to only fuck at my house… For obvious reasons we can’t fuck at his, but I do wonder what his house looks like. From pictures he sends of himself in the mirror or of his kitchen, I can tell he’s not a tidy person & assuming his family isn’t either. I can tell we’re very different people, but also very similar. I come from a family of hoarders, so I am completely the opposite, I live in a house with hardly any nick nacks, with not a lot of furniture. I know he’s a bit of a hoarder, he’s told me that, I reckon he’d have furniture in against every wall with shit all over it, book shelves with books, CD’s & DVD’s that no one uses anymore. But I can just imagine it. I wonder if I’ll ever get to see his house? Ooooh, that’s not a good idea… Why am I thinking that?! Why do I keep thinking these things.

So this changes things a little. I am thinking Noodle won’t be able to see me much now that he can’t fake his location. I’m also thinking he’ll back off here too, this is a perfect opportunity to get out of this… I have tried in my head, a million times, to end it, I don’t know how too, I also don’t want too… Stupidly, I am too involved now, just like Jack Dawson on the Titanic, ‘You jump, I jump’ Fuck, this is not good! Hang on? Didn’t I say my heart was closed? I am not wanting anything but what all these men have to offer? How the fuck did I end up being monogamous to a guy in a relationship (who ironically isn’t monogamous to me!), with my walls rapidly coming down without me even realising?! FUCK.

But it doesn’t change anything, the next night, it’s our usual Tuesday night rendezvous & Noodle is on the way to my house. I don’t know what he does about his phone or what he does to hide where he is. I hope his partner never finds out that he’s at my house! Or where I live, can you imagine what will happen if she knew? This will never end well, why am I still seeing this guy? & seriously, I am not seeing anyone else – this is not wise, I’m barely talking other people because Noodle gets jealous about it – also fucking stupid. Why do I care that Noodle get jealous & why do I go to great lengths to make sure he isn’t jealous & boost his ego? Maybe because I know what he’s been through? Or am I falling for this guy? NO, my heart is closed, remember!Noodle Courage stupitity.pngI honestly never ask him what he does to fake his location, perhaps I should but I don’t. Sometimes he tells me but I don’t really care about the lengths he has to go to, to be with me, that’s his problem. So he’s at my house, I’m naked (what a surprise! Sorry to all of you picturing me naked all the time! Hahaha) We talk & kiss as I undress him, he’s told me that he likes when I undress him… I guess that’s something people miss as a couple, you don’t really undress each other, I remember with Boyfriend, we always had sex when we were already in bed, usually when I wanted it, I went to bed naked, so he knew & when Boyfriend wanted it, he’d just start rubbing my side, spooning me… I don’t really remember ever undressing Boyfriend to be honest, even in the beginning, so the fact that Noodle likes it, reminds me of things I need to do when I get a partner to keep the spark alive.

Noodle & I kiss the whole time I am undressing him, him rubbing my ass, always telling me I have a nice ass, he’s told me before it’s better than his partners & that he loves my ass (those squats are paying off!), well the poor woman has had a kid & is pregnant & doesn’t gym 3-4 times a week like I do, so I hope I’d have a better ass than her, even if I am 5 years older. We move to the bed, he goes down on me which is absolutely amazing & he knows what to do now, I don’t have to guide him at all… Then once he is inside me, I am on the edge, my legs are wrapped around him, my arms around his head pulling him close, I can’t seem to get him close enough, I can’t get him in me enough, I know he notices because the look on his face is him struggling not to cum, I am close but can’t seem to get there, I am too busy pulling him as close as I can to me. I am kissing him & holding on to him so tightly with everything I have that I can’t control myself, I cum really hard & he follows me quickly. It’s almost a relief for him.

Later he tells me “Your body reacted so well to missionary tonight.” I tell him that I have no idea why or what that was about, when he says “Your body was gripping me like a vice” I tell him that something was different tonight & that I couldn’t help but feel his pelvic area was hitting me in the right spot. I have no idea what happened, he doesn’t either… All I know is that it was fucking amazing! How does it keep getting better?!

#IBD4U

Sexual Harrassment

There comes a time in everybody’s working life (sadly – because this type of shit shouldn’t ever happen to anyone) when you are sexually harassed in the line of your work. Now, I never thought it would happen to me or so subtly that I would actually be flattered by it & not offended… I mean how does that even happpen… But when I told Noodle about it, not only did he get supremely jealous, he was also the one that pointed out that I had just sexually harassed. OMG! As if I needed someone to point that out to me! Who have I become…? Is this what online dating has done to me? After all the unsolicited cock shots – which is the equivalent of someone flashing you in a park, perhaps in a trench coat & all sexual innuendos from men online over the last 12 years, am I so desensitised that I am ok with a guy sexually harassing me via text at work, on my work phone? Why didn’t I realise that this guy was actually being a creep to me!? I guess I am lucky he didn’t try to find me in Facebook or some other stalker method. At least he used the only way he had to contact me.

So to give you some background… In my job I work with lots of diverse people, I often am contacting people via text, emails calls & faxes (yes people sill use faxes!). I work closely with a guy, who is about my age & from New Zealand. He literally has the best eyes in the world – they are bright blue piercing eyes & he is quite attractive, I won’t deny that, but he is such a bogan but he is a nice guy who means well. He also looks you directly in the eye when he talks, it’s hard to look away but it can be unsettling for me! We also have some banter about Dave Hughes (an Aussie comedian) & how he says “Good on you” all the time… This guy & I say it all the time & laugh, it’s kind of flirty, I’ll give him that, I do engage in it… I probably would consider dating him too, if things were different for both of us, like if we’re both single & we met in a pub or online…

I actually see this group of people every month for meetings & he’s never text me ever, in the 3 or 4 years that we’ve been working together. So when I start getting texts from him, I do wonder why he’s messaging me, I mean he’s never replied to a text I’ve sent him, ever. It is a bit weird, I mean I am pretty sure that he still has a Nokia 5110 that you have to click the number buttons 2-3 times to get a letter. Which probably explains his terrible spelling…

This is the exact text exchange with a few minor changes to protect our identities (obviously). His messages are in blue & mine in black.

Not my usual style to post exact exchanges like this, but I think it’s part of weird things that happen to me as a single woman, that never seems to happen to anyone else. Hahaha.

Hi hows arvo bn goin?. tht guy is prety good ae we shud try get him to come to all our meetings frm now on

Yeah & from what the other guy was saying he probably should be in them. so when we look at the agenda for the meetings, we can work out who should be there.

Yeah i think he shud be nd yes tht definitly a good idea as he is a lot more clearer thn the othr guy is lol..nd jst of th subject n no ofence whn i say this n its not bad but i cnt look at u in th same way anymore lol

I agree. I’ll dig out the agenda for next months meeting.

I hope I haven’t done anything to cause that.

Tht sounds like a plan to me…haha na u hvnt its mre embaressing thn anything lol

I hope I didn’t embarrass you by anything I did.

No its nothing uve done il tel u bt im already gtn bit embarest lol

Nd u cnt hate me fr teln u either lol bt lets jst say tht i had a very sexual dream about u im nt goin into details bt ws a good dream lol so whn i saw u today i instantly felt a lil embarest haha n cudnt look at u in same way lol

Thanks for telling me.
I hope this doesn’t affect us working together.

No probs i think lol ,but na its defnitly nt gona effect us wrking togethr,unles its changed ure view n thoughts of me n think im sum creep sicko lol?.

No, I don’t think you’re a creep. It’s all good.

Thts good thn,thnx..wht u upto fr rest of ure nite gt much planed?

No ofence but if things were diferent i wud ask n see if u wanted to out fr a drink ae.bt anyway u hve a goodnite

Just off to the gym, if I ever leave the office. No offence taken. Things are as they are. Have a good one.

Oh wow u stil at th ofice wrking?,good on you lol.good tht ure not ofended .thn mby one day il ask u fr a drink thn anyway lol.will do u to hve a good one.

Sexual Harrassment.png
Reading back on this, years later, I actually can’t believe that I wrote back “Thanks for telling me” I mean WTF?! WHO AM I? & as if I said that he wasn’t a creep! This is seriously creep level… It’s one thing to have a dream about someone, but you don’t need to fucking tell them about it… Is this like Stockholm syndrome? Not wanting him to get into trouble for sending me these texts?

I talked to 2 of my bosses about it, showing them to text exchange & asking what I should do. They both just sort of laughed when they read it & said I did the right thing, but seriously, why wasn’t something done about this? Why didn’t I do something about this? What should I have done about this…?

After this, I kept working at the site but we never spoke of it again… I kind of forgot about it, pushing it to the back of my mind because I still had to be professional & I was never going to act on it. He text me a few times after that, to see how I was, but that was about it. Thankfully. I get moved off this site & don’t ever see him again, which I am thankful for. But who knows what the future holds!

He has a partner, I have a Noodle – who got jealous about this when I showed him… Not that Noodle ever has a reason to be jealous with me, but he seems to get jealous a lot!

But really… This is just one of those weird things that always seem to happen to me!

#IBD4U

Noodle #17

So Noodle is back at work & the first day back, guess what, he’s at my house, fucking me! He’s working at a store about 10 minutes from me, but only for a few weeks then he’ll be moving to a store far away from me for a few weeks till they find him a store but we’re not sure which store. He says it’ll still be southern, I suggest my local store but that’s when he tells me that’s where she works….. Are you fucking kidding me dude…. He knows I shop there!! Why would he wait this long to tell me… What a fucking idiot! Time to change stores…

I hope that his permanent store is still close within a lunch break drive away or something will have to change, I guess. I don’t want it too, as much as I want to be with this guy (Errr, where did that come from!?) I am worried what it would be like for us if we were together. I do have a little fantasy of being with him all night, spending the whole night, sleeping in his arms… UM WHAT? I am not a cuddly sleeper, but fuck I want to be in this mans arms all night! To wake up next to him, would be a dream come true… I kind of wonder if he snores or how he sleeps, would he be a cuddly sleeper or would he want his own side of the bed? Would we wake up to have sex in the middle of the night? Or would we just be boring & sleep… I guess we would if we slept together every night, eventually…. Or would I want to fuck him every day for the rest of my life… What the actual fuck… I thought I didn’t want a boyfriend, my heart was closed?! But I can’t help but wonder if there is ever going to be a time when we can do this? I really don’t ever want to tell him about this fantasy… I mean he’ll probably freak out… I am in way too deep to freak him out at this point!

The Monday morning, we are in my bed when we end up in front of my mirror with me on my knees sucking his cock again, while he videos it, of course… I love how much we video & take pictures of us. It’s super-hot. It’s also hotter how much more dominant Noodle is with me too… It took him a while to get there, mainly because he has this fear of looking like an idiot in front of people & I know that he thinks I am this very experienced kinkster that he didn’t feel comfortable with me. Now it’s been almost 2 months since I fucked another guy & he knows that… That fact, I know makes him happy – I know he has relaxed with me a lot more! I have relaxed with him a lot more too… I’m too fucking relaxed, I am not really thinking of a future, which scares me, but I’m also not thinking of the day this ends… This will not end well for me, men never leave their partners especially when they have kids. I need to disconnect.

I am always telling Noodle about a fantasy or two that I’ve thought up, I am constantly thinking of stuff, I mean just read my Erotica series to know how my mind works. I do start to worry though that Noodle doesn’t ever ask for anything, like he tells me he wants me, but I am always suggesting things we should do, how he should tie me up & stuff, when Noodle says ‘You pretty much blow me away with the shit you ask for. Your super kinky & make my fantasies come true without me even having to ask.’ I guess I need to stop worrying about it, but I want him to suggest things he wants to do, but I guess I beat him to it? He tells me “Ummm, you think any chick will let me fuck their ass? Cum on their tits? Walk in on them using a vibe on the pool table? Let me tie them up & have my way with them? Your fucking amazing & fucking hot. & Even our vanilla sex is like something out of a movie. I do not have low standards. Your just sexy af. & you do more than just lie there… you suggest some pretty hot stuff… moan.. kiss me… suck me… touch me…” Ok wow, when he puts it like that, I guess I am pretty good in bed?! Hahaha… But it also makes me wonder, but not ask him, does his partner not touch or moan with him? I mean I guess she’s recently stopped kissing him & she’s never cum with him, so perhaps she doesn’t moan or touch him… I have no control over it… I find him too sexy to stop.

During the week, Noodle suggests coming over in the morning because he can’t come over this Tuesday night as it’s his first night at this new store. Fair enough, so a morning visit is a our usual compromise. As he goes to sleep that night he doesn’t confirm that he’ll come over, but I wake up early at like 5:30 am in case he does, I lay there for ages getting more & more pissed off… I don’t hear from him & I am fucking pissed! I don’t know why I message him first, is it my turn or do I just want him to know I am awake at 6:30 am waiting for him to come over.

“Morning ass face” The longer it takes him to reply, the more angry I get… What the fuck is wrong with me?!

“Morning Gina Face, Joking” I seethe…

“I’m not joking”

“What did I do?” He asks

“You did nothing. That’s the point!! You were supposed to do something… but anyway”

“Oooh was I defiantly (yes he spells it wrong all the time!) meant to fuck you this morning? You said you had to get to work on time & was busy, wasn’t sure you were still keen.”

“Yeah Douche, you were. If you remember correctly, I said I’m free but need to make sure I leave on time & I believe I even said 8:15 – 8:30 at the latest.” He never stays that late anyway, as he has to be at work by 8:00 am usually, so don’t know why he thought me leaving on time was a problem.

“Oh whoops, sorry. Your poor pussy needed a fuck this morning.” I calm down a little bit… but I’m still angry… I get so angry when I don’t get sex & I thought I was going too… He doesn’t really know this yet, this is probably the first time that I am really pissed with him.

“All good, I figured last night you weren’t coming, so I sorted myself out & am home now sorting myself out.” Hopefully that thought makes him hard! I have made myself cum several times this morning & when I got home from work.

“Hahaha, of course you will… You could of just asked me to come over last night to fuck you”

“Yeah maybe, it was your suggestion… Assumed if you wanted to, you’d confirm” This is our problem, I hate asking him over & I never ask… I don’t want him to say no.

“Well I did want too but also wanted sleep” Are you kidding me, what guy wants sleep over fucking their mistress? Makes me think that his partner fucked him so he didn’t need me… FUCK!

Noodle lack of sex.png

“Pretty sure you said in the group several times sleep is overrated… you hate sleep, waste of time”

“I do hate sleep. Doesn’t mean I don’t need it” Who hates sleep? I guess someone with a partner who sleeps 15 hours a day, you’d resent it. I snap & I am aware I am being a bitch…

“Jesus, I’m even further down the priority list than I thought. I’m off to the gym to burn off some excess energy. Chat you later if I’m not interrupting your precious sleep”

“Hahaha na your above sleep, but I struggled getting up this morning so bad! Now now don’t get bitchy” I go to the gym for an hour & ignore him for a change! Fuck you Noodle, see how it feels when I ignore you. After the gym, I finally reply to him…

“Sex only once a week makes me bitchy” He’s offline, of course, so I wait for his response, which pisses me off more.

“Hahaha does it? So I have to fuck you twice a week minimum eh?”

“No you don’t ‘have’ to fuck me at all” Fuck, I don’t want him to think he has to fuck me…

“Stop you getting all bitchy? I actually thought I had seen you twice this week”

“You don’t have to see me twice a week.”

“Haha, I don’t have to see you at all… But I do enjoy fucking you for some reason”

“No you don’t. Hmmmm, not as much as sleeping, apparently!”

“OMG I’ve been up to like 1 am like every night chatting to you this week”

“You don’t have too, you know. I don’t want to be an obligation for you” I remember Max telling me that he didn’t want me to be an obligation but kind of implied that I was making our relationship an obligation for him. It made me feel like shit when he said it, when all I wanted was to know was when he’d make time for me & I don’t want Noodle to think that he has to do anything, just because we made that stupid agreement.

“Your not an obligation you twat“

“Well… Hmmm… Yeah, I don’t want that” I’m actually a little cut from this… I don’t want to be an obligation to him, I want him to want to see me.

“I want to fuck you just as much as you wanna fuck me don’t forget”

“But to get that, you don’t have to chat to me till 1 am” He doesn’t need to talk to me to get sex, I guess.

“I don’t? Yaye… Hahaha, you’re not an obligation, stop going all weird… You shitty?”

“Only cos I was horny & thought I was getting sex this morning” I hate that I’m like this sometimes…

“Oh I see… Sorry” I bet he’s not actually sorry, I know him, so I ask

“Are you actually even sorry?”

“Not really, I feel a tiny bit bad for getting you excited & not following thru I guess. Guess I better fuck you soon.”

“Douche. Not following though is my biggest pet hate.” He agrees that he should’ve said something, but I am so surprised that he is still talking to me after that… Fuck I’m am actual bitch! I could’ve also said something…! But I’m too stubborn… Although, all I’m asking from this guy & even Max is for them to message me & fuck me regularly… I don’t think that’s too much to ask… Maybe this is why I am single?

#IBD4U

Profile Picture

One very odd thing about online dating is what people think is appropriate for their online dating profile pictures. I know I’ve talked about online profiles before but this blog will be profile picture specific… (When I started writing this post, I didn’t think I’d have much to say, but boy was I wrong!)

As I’ve said before this is your time to shine, your time to show women or men what you look like, who you are via pictures & if they want to swipe on you or not. Why waste this opportunity with a shit picture?!

However, in my experience, on the many occasions I have been online dating, I am still perplexed about men’s choices of profile pictures, I don’t look at women’s profiles so I can’t comment – but I’m sure there is a female equivalent to this blog, things men hate… It any guy wants to send me their thoughts, please do! I’m happy to hear if I am also doing something wrong!

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So, I want to ask. Why do men put up weird photos? Unflattering photos or really unsexy photos?! The most common unsexy one for me is them on a boat, looking proud as punch with a giant fish, that they’ve clearly just caught… Let me tell you something guys, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, sexy about a fish!!! They’re slimey, they’re cold & wet & do you know what? They aren’t cuddly or cute… They’re so unattractive, I just don’t get what message you’re trying to send a chick? Is it a that you’re a mans man? Or that you’re a hunter & gatherer? You will provide for her? I just think, ewww, every time I see one, especially if there is blood on the poor fish! I’d say probably one in every ten profiles contain a fishing charter photo of some sort.

My biggest pet hate for online profiles pictures is a picture with a kid… Especially when they note in their profile bio that the kid is not theirs… WHY! I hate it because I don’t think anyone should put kids on an online dating site… Its weird. So many internet creeps out there, do we really need to expose kids to that when they can’t consent to their picture being shared? Secondly, as someone who doesn’t want kids of my own, I don’t like to see someone that I’m attracted too, with a kid who’s not theirs, because it tells me that they want them, regardless of what they say. However, I do prefer a man with children, so I do want to know that they have kids, but I don’t need to see a picture of you with them to know that you’re a good dad… But seriously, if its not your kid, did you get permission from the parents to post it? Would they be ok with it being on a dating site for you to attract women? Also if you say you’re not looking for a relationship, could you put up a more contradictory photo?! It’s just plain weird, so stop it.

The blurry photo… What is that all about? Why post a blurry photo or even one where you can barely see your face because it’s such bad quality – this happens ALOT… Its 2019, take another selfie, delete that one & start over – did you know, it costs nothing to do that?? Same as the half face picture… It still costs nothing to take a picture of your whole face… Unless you are the phantom of the opera, show me your whole face!

Oooh, sunnies pictures! Fuck guys can look really hot in sunnies & then you look at their next picture & think fuck you were hot till you took them off! It’s not their fault, I get it… Maybe I look better with my sunnies on? Perhaps not though, because I do get lots of comments on my eyes… I’m also a bit like this with hats because I prefer hair so usually when they have all pictures with a hat on, they’re bald. Not much you can do about sunnies & hats but it makes a difference.

So the ol group photo, especially as their first picture, I look at the hottest one in the group hoping that it’ll be you & I’m devastated when its not. I find myself wishing you were the hot one, then I toy with the idea of swiping to get to know you so I can date your hotter friend! (hahaha not really, but what a great blog post that would make!) If you want to post a group shot, to show your fun side, make sure it’s not your first picture. Or all of your pictures – why do men post every single picture of him in a group?

This also follows on with drunk pictures or nightclub pictures… I don’t want to see that you’re a party animal. I am happy for you to go out, I also like to go out but if every picture was taken by a nightclub photographer, then you’re probably not going to be putting in any effort to be with me, even if we are just casual…

What about a photo with another chick? I don’t care if it’s your sister or just a friend, if I think she’s hotter than me, I definitely won’t be liking your profile because I will automatically assume that I am out of your league… Even if she’s not that hot, I always wonder what the deal is & why your not dating the chick your snuggling – who you’ve deemed worthy of your dating profile but not worth enough to date. It always gives me a weird vibe to be honest, but chicks are constantly in men’s profiles, probably more than fish…!

Selfies! I’m all for selfies, most of my pictures are selfies however, do we really need a flexed muscle in the gym bathroom? Or a dirty mirror selfie? (yes I look at the marks on the mirror!) Or a urinal in the background? Lets also not forget the ‘looking down’ selfie – usually in a car, why do men do that?? It gives you a double chin, even if you don’t have one. It’s not a flattering look… & oh dear God, selfies with bloody snapchat filters… Just as men hate them for women, women hate them for men – save them for snapchat not your online dating profile!

What is with pictures of only inanimate objects such as your car, truck, boat or motorbike? You’re not even in the picture! What is with that?! I don’t care what you drive to be honest, even if you’re standing next to it… It just sends the message that I will be always number 2 in your life behind your pride & joy. This goes the same with holiday pictures that you’re not in, I like to see holiday pictures with you in it, or that could be anyone’s picture. Same with a sunset, you’d be surprised how many sunset pictures there are.

I’m not a smoker & never have been, so nothing makes me click the no button faster than a cigarette picture… Fine for you to say you’re a smoker in your bio, most sites ask that now & I do prefer to know this fact prior to dating you, it’s not a deal breaker for me so I’m not opposed smokers but do I really need to see you with a fag hanging out your mouth, usually looking drunk as fuck or blowing smoke rings? Nope!

Memes… Why oh why do men post memes! It’s a online dating profile not bloody Instagram…! Most of the them are offensive & I am pretty open minded, so the fact I find them weird to post, I wonder what other women think. We want to see your face, not how good your google skills are at finding lame dad jokes.

Pets, ok I’ll let them off for having their pet up in their profile, however, if it’s just your pet & you’re not in it, I’m probably going to like your animal more than you, so probably best you just put your face up!

The “I looked so good in 2009, so I’ll put that picture up” photo… WHY? You do realise it’s a dating site & when you meet the person & you don’t look like your picture, they’re probably not going to be interested anymore… How dare you waste my time like that! Note to everyone, use recent pictures!

Only having one picture up irks me the most. Especially when it’s just one of the ones listed above… Because after all these guys I’ve already talked about above, they take off their sunnies or have a clear photo & they aren’t attractive to you, but you’ve only got one photo to go by, so when you meet they look nothing like you’ve seen, it makes the date awkward, unless they’re hotter, which lets face it, they generally aren’t… So please put up several clear photos & be confident in how you look!

Now let’s face it, I’ve swiped & matched with all of these guys over the years, I’m not saying I ignore them & you shouldn’t either… But I’m hoping this blog post will help educate those online dating to actually sell themselves, not their friends or bike or someone’s kid or fish… Hahaha…

#IBD4U