Noddy #14

I send Noddy a picture of me in tights & he says “Erg… Omg woman, those feet… Fuck you are so fucking sexy” I didn’t realise he has a foot fetish. It’s not entirely my thing, but I am happy to explore that with him… We’re still talking about Ripples, when I say “Just as long as you remember who gets to take me home” with a kissy emoji. He says “Oh yeah, I do hahaha, & boy do I like that feeling… ‘yeah well I get to go & fuck that’ I think is what I said to Demons brother” OMG, did he really? Fucking hell.., I thought he’d be more respectful than that to be honest. He says that Demons brother noticed it was a bit weird with Ripples & asked Noddy if he was ok with it. I’m glad that Noddy said he was fine with it. I tell him that any time it bothers him, he should tell me & I will talk to Ripples, which he says he will… I want him to keep coming to Switch with me, I can’t wait to show him my lingerie & outfit for the next one.

Noddy makes some jokes & asks if I have a Ripples photo folder as well as a Noddy one, I say that I don’t but I have a folder called Rope. All my rope pics. He laughs & I tell him that I wish I never told him that I saved his photos like a creep. He asks why & I say that I don’t want to come across as a weirdo… Without asking, he sends me a picture of his camera roll & it’s all pictures that I have sent in the last day or so of me in my lingerie. I laugh so hard. He says that I told him he could save whatever he wanted, which is true, so he’s been saving! That is fucking CUTE AS FUCK… I love that!!! He sends me a picture that he’s edited of me again using a filter then I send him a gif of a creep-o-meter. It’s so fucking cute, I can’t even cope!

The day, the next day after the death, I message him as soon as I wake up, I am not stubborn now. I let him know that I woke up thinking of him & made myself cum before work. I hope that he has a better day. He says that he wishes he could of helped me this morning & that my pictures helped him sleep. He said he went through my folder of pictures & got himself off… I wish he came to my house instead. I kind of curse the fact that I live so far from him & his work because I’m certain that he would stay over if I was closer… I think we’d be much further along & wouldn’t have as many communication issues.

I get a random message from him, later in the day with no context, while I’m at work, it’s a song…

Wasting Time

See I hate myself

For all the things I have done

Berate myself

For all the fights that

I should of fucking won.

But in the end its me who you’ll be missing

In the damn night you with that you were kissing

But now I write these songs

About our life I am dissing

All the love and all the hate

Mistakes that were made

I only fucking wish

I could make you happy everyday

See I’m wasting all of my time

And you see I got nothing

Dwelling in this mind

And I feel like I wasted my

Whole life time

See all these people

Throw me a life line

But I’m too fucking proud

To keep these fucking

People around

Bury me 6 feet deep

Put my life in the ground

Because what goes around

Comes right back around

Bitch I’ll make you scream

But they won’t hear a sound

“Are you ok?” I send. Fuck that’s intense… He’s actually a good writer, I am not surprised though, he does write intelligently to me, besides when he talks he says ‘fuckin’ a lot, but I know this guy is smart enough to keep up with me. He’s a little bogan, but he’s definitely not someone you have to explain big words too… He says that’s it’s an older song that he’s been working on lately. I just say that I wanted to make sure he’s ok because it seemed a bit heavy “You are beautiful. That’s why I like you so much” I mean I do care for this guy already… It’s only been 6 weeks or so, but I am invested… More than I should with the red flags, more than I should being that he’s told me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment… But that’s ok, we’re taking it slow, but when he says stuff like that… Fuck I want to see him…

He hasn’t really ever asked me out again – I always have to do it, so I suggest we catch up on the weekend for a cuddle & possible a free movie since I have tickets from when I bought my investment property, I need to use them soon! He says that he’d love too on Saturday afternoon. My heart sinks a bit, that means he won’t stay if he comes over for the arvo. But I hide my disappointment because I want to see him & I guess a few hours at the movie is better than nothing. I tell him I have to work till 4:00 pm but will be home at 4:30 pm & I remind him that I’m away the next week, I tell him this fact so if he considers bailing, he probably won’t see me. Not that he seems to care about that, but my vagina does & I get Horngy (Horny & angry!) He says “Egh… Well l’ll definitely have to see you this weekend” I say that he doesn’t have too see me, because I’m not sure about that Egh at the beginning of his sentence, but he says “Oh yeah I do… I want to see you” ok well that’s good then!

Noddy won the lottery

I have just been working out for a couple of hours, sending him a gym selfie & he sends me one where he looks stoned as fuck. I also offer to work out with him, when he says he hasn’t been for ages. I tell him I’ll leave it up to him to organise these exercise dates etc, because he’s the one that say ‘we’ll do this…’ or ‘we’ll do that’ but we never do & I hate it… I’m a planner & if someone says to me they want to do something, then I start planning in my head how we’ll do it… He says that we’ll do the movie. I ask what time he has to leave on Saturday but he says he can stay till whenever that he’s not working on Sunday. I get a little more excited, he’s going to come over late Saturday afternoon, he suggest 5:00 pm so we have time to do stuff before the movies… Stuff eh! Hahaha. We look at a couple of movie trailers & times, he says that maybe he will just tease me before the movie. I do say that the 5 hours of foreplay at Switch was pretty hot. I tell him that I will send him pictures of toys & so I send him my draw in my bed & he says that I’m in trouble. I tell him that I forget what half of it is form being that every guy I’m with says we’ll use it but we never do. He says that we’ll definitely use it all. I remind him about my erotica story of the bar in the Nipple bells, I tell him that that was what my fantasy was about the other morning, he says that he’s read them all a few times, picturing us as the couple. I love that…

He sends me a shower selfie & then one of him in his bloody dressing gown again with crazy hair. I tell him that I haven’t ever seen him with crazy hair, he’s always looking in my mirror to fix it – like Justin Bieber, it only every looks crazy when he’s fucking me & I’m grabbing it… “Hehehe, Oh I fucking love it when you do that” I tell him that I like my hair played with too “Oh I noticed when I play with your hair u turn into a puddle of happy” FUCK, I really have no poker face!

#IBD4U

Mixed Bag #7 – Square Bear, Game Show & The Bachelor

Here is the seventh instalment of the Mixed bag series… I hope you like these. These are a little bit older but always fun to read… Some more insight into why I am like I am!

Square Bear

I met this guy in 2016, so we’re going back a few years BN (Before Noodle) & still very new to kink. I mean I think I may have even been with Milky or that may have ended. I actually think this was just before I met Noodle & I was just about to start seeing Max…. I don’t even remember where I met this guy either but I know chatted a lot on the chat app.

We literally chat a lot, we chat most days, for a while actually, so much so that I think we should meet because you know what I’m like, I build up a relationship in my head & then the dude is a douche or we just don’t mesh well & then it’s over, causing me to waste so much time with these thoughts of wedding bells – not really but you know what I mean! Hahaha.

We do talk about kink at some point during our conversation, at this point I am looking for more in this world & looking to explore a few things, so it’s a topis that most guys find easy, they usually tell me how amazing they’d be & how they’re dominant etc. I tell him that I have recently been spanked a lot & tied up enjoying it a lot, he asks a lot of questions about what I mean & what I enjoy, why I enjoy it etc so I think that this guy is into this, he will like when he tells me that “I couldn’t ever hit a woman, I wasn’t brought up that way.” Right? What does consensual sexual spanking have to do with the way you were brought up? I wasn’t brought up being spanked & now I have a fetish for it? I get that men don’t want to hit a woman, but I’m not asking him to hit me in a fit of rage, I’m asking him to hit me in a sexual context & I’m actually consenting to it. There’s a very big difference.

Well I don’t need kink, I enjoy it & I would like to explore it but it’s not the be all & end all of my sex life, so I meet this guy for a date. We’re chatting online on boxing day, both hungover & decide that we should meet later in the afternoon for a drink. I meet him & he’s cute, pretty much like his pictures, but he’s not hot, not exactly what I would like, but I’m not turned off.

We chat for hours, having a couple of hair of the dogs before we go home, kissing on the cheek goodbye… I didn’t really feel the spark, didn’t really feel the thing you should feel… I didn’t know it at the time, but only a few months later, I would meet Noodle & feel that thing!

New years goes by & I don’t hear from Square Bear, I don’t message him either, being the stubborn bitch I am. However he does eventually message to say happy new year & that he doesn’t think that we’re right for each other but he really liked me & think that I will find someone, he says that he know she’s a dickhead, that I’m amazing but he basically doesn’t want to see me again.

No hard feelings there, but I would have given this guy a second date at least, I don’t know how these men make such a snap decision with me, I mean I knew that we probably weren’t right for each other, but I definitely would have gone on a second date with him…

mixed bag the batchelor

Game Show

One of the most mortifying things as a single woman with a lot of friends in couples is the fact that everyone in a couple thinks you should be in a couple. I mean I want to be in a couple don’t get me wrong, but I hate when friends mean well but they can sometimes go over the top.

So I was at a 50th birthday party for someone that I work with, it was a mad hatters party & I was literally was looking amazing. I wasn’t a hat person so I wore a 1920’s style headband that I had worn to another party a few years earlier. I had a cute short bob hairdo & felt pretty good about myself. I didn’t really want to go to this party alone but other colleagues are there so I will just go & have a good time.

There is one person in my life who I’ve talked about before, her house was that of the infamous Christmas party. She is so lovely & wonderful & means well, however this night she’s had a few drinks & she walks through the party gathering up the single people. I am reluctant to get out of my chair, it’s cold in August at an outdoor party, where I have finally got a seat by the heater, however another friend sort of makes me get up & come with her as she’s being pulled into the garden too.

There are 4 single women, ant marching their way to the bottom of the garden to a fire pit. We get to the place our wonderful friend has led us too & there are 3 dudes, she stands us opposite each other & basically becomes a game host!

OH HOLY FUCK…

I have either blocked it or was too drunk later in then evening to remember, but the game host friend asks us all a different question that we all answer, but then nothing comes of this game. We all go about the party like nothing happened, but standing there, in front of eligible bachelors & answering questions was the worst moment of my single life. I felt so fucking small & some degraded, I know that seems ridiculous but you have no idea what it is like standing in front of a party with them all knowing that you’re fucking single & participating in some sort of weirdo game show at a birthday.

The Bachelor

One thing I haven’t ever done to find love is to go on a dating TV show. For those of you following my Facebook page, you’ll remember that I posted a status ages ago about which show you’d all go on. Most of you suggest Married at first sight, however as someone who’s never been married & I do want to get married one day, I want that more than anything… But I want it to be special not some douche on the tv that is only on their for the fame, only on their for their 15 minutes of fame.

While I assume most guys I meet now at my age will have been married before, I only want to get married once. Marriage means something to me, it means that I am pledging my love to someone in front of all my friends & family. Married at first sight, while I know they aren’t really married, is just making a mockery of marriage in my view.

When I googled, the only show looking for contestants at this time was the bachelor, I set about sending in an application. Fucking hell, they want to know a fair bit about you, the survey took about an hour to fill out, they also want 2 pictures of you, 1 headshot & 1 full body shot. I got through the survey thinking, yeah my story is quite interesting so I may get a look in, however I get to the last page & you have to upload a video of no more than 2 minutes of yourself. OMG What am I going to say about my love life without sounding like a tool – I had just ended with Noodle & was feeling so shit about myself, would I talk about that? Would that be a good story or would I be the home wrecker on the show before people even get to know me?

I also immediately have visions of this video winding up on YouTube like a child star like Justin Bieber at the talent show he didn’t win. FUCK. I never do it. I chicken out… & now reading back on the game show evening, I am fucking glad that I didn’t go on a reality TV show to find love. I know that I would slink away into the background & I wouldn’t have been given a rose on the first night. Those women are all so beautiful, I know that I would end up with my heart broken!

Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough, but I doubt it.

Another mixed bag, which I hope you enjoyed!

#IBD4U

Noddy #13

The next day Noddy & I are talking about the creepy dude at Switch, he’s talking about punching him if I need him too, but I can handle the guy, I think he’s harmless – a bit of a voyeur if anything. We also talk about the fact his jumper was on my bed & I walked into the room & that I thought he was in there because it smells like him so much, I was actually expecting him to jump out & scare me… I don’t even know how that would be possible unless he broke into my house, which is pretty much impossible unless you break a window. I say that he only wants to scare me because he knows I’ll cuddle him afterwards, he says “Ahaha, yeah fuck oath I do.. hahaha I love your cuddles” Again the L word even though in that context, catches my breath.

It’s mother’s day (so we’re up to May 2019 for those keeping tabs on how close to real life we are…) & we chat quite a lot back & forth, we’re talking about him being a bogan & drinking milk out of the carton, we start talking about our families, he says “Ahaha, you are such a yobbo. Fucking hell, I didn’t doubt you weren’t a bogan for a second, love” I laugh at that, & I say that I am the black sheep but I come from a low socio-economical background, trying to open up the dialogue a bit to remind him I’m just like him, I say that it looks like I’ve got it all together, but I don’t. I’m not posh like I think he thinks I am. I don’t want him to think I am better than him, I don’t want it to be like Noodle how he thought he couldn’t be with me because my house is so clean… I want Noddy to know he can fit into my life if we go down that path. Oddly he never reads the message but he keeps chatting in the group about game of thrones… I am kind of crestfallen about that, I was trying to open up & go a bit deeper with him. I guess maybe that he doesn’t want us to go deep just yet. He never reads the message the whole next day… I think WTF? This is another day now since we worked stuff out that we didn’t talk. I hate that… It makes it awkward again… I guess that’s why the arrangement with Noodle worked so well, we never had this bullshit of who messaged who first – though by the time I was 13 blog posts in I was probably in love with Noodle but pretending I wasn’t… It’s not quite the same with Noddy.

Noddy lack of communication

Tuesday morning, Noddy messages me “Morning gorgeous. Hope you have a good day at work. I’m rooted I haven’t slept in 2 days… I just can’t sleep. Gonna go to the docs after work. If I make it that far.” I refuse to read it all day, I am really busy at work anyway so I don’t have time but I am being really stubborn & playing a stupid game. But FUCK! When I open this message I see that my previous message about my history still hasn’t been read… WTF? I send him a screenshot & say “Afternoon… sorry had a flat out day. Why haven’t you slept? & oddly my message never sent Sunday night, you never read it?” He sends me a screenshot back, showing me that he didn’t receive it & I realise that the chat app is just trying to ruin my life!! FUCK, now I feel so bad for not checking the message earlier… I tell him that I thought it was weird that he never even looked at the message & was chatting in my group. He says “Yeah I was like ok did I offend her with my yoboo or was it the love?”

I tell him how shit work has been for me lately & he offers his help, but there is nothing he can do, I had some annual leave that wasn’t approved which has pissed me off a lot & some depressing news about moving teams, which I didn’t want to do, I just wanted to stop travelling as much – because that ruins my dating life. But things were happening without me being consulted & I am not happy about it…

I am in the bath as we have this conversation & I do something so unprecedented for me & send him a full nude I the bath… I never send full nudes, I must trust this guy a lot… Noodle is the only guy to get a full nude of me… “Oh fuck… damn girl… U fine as fuck ahaha” I smile, that’s just the reaction I wanted! The reaction I needed!

When I get out the bath, because things are good, I put his jumper on, I love the smell of it… I send him a picture “Ahahaha… cute as fuck… is my jumper good?” I tell him that it barely covers my butt but is massive on me, he says he needs to see that & I can’t wait to wear it around him… I ask him if he wants panties or no panties, when he says panties, I don’t know why I am surprised by that choice. Then we start talking about the lingerie he’s fucked me in & I send him a bunch of pictures “Oh damn. Fucking hell woman you are stunning” or “You look fucking good in white” (Noodle always loved me in white) or “OMG fucking hell, you are… mmmmm… Damn.” He tells me that I am not helping because he is in the lounge room, rising!

I wake up in the morning & I decide to send him a message first – I don’t want any of these stupid games again…. I’m 37 FFS! He tells me that he’s had a bad morning, that a mate took his own life last night… OH FUCK… This is going to be tough for him, bring up memories & also make him feel like he should’ve known & done something… I’m glad I wasn’t a stubborn bitch this morning & refusing to message him! I obviously offer anything I can including a cuddle after work, he says he’d love one & I hope that he does come over to my house tonight. He says he’d love to see me but he’ll see how he goes. I tell him that I wish there was more I could do but I won’t judge if he wants a cuddle & a cry. He says “Thanks heaps #IBD4U, it means heaps… more than you realise” he tells me that what hit him the most was what everyone would’ve been life if he went through with killing himself… I get that people would’ve been heartbroken, I say even me now, I’d be really upset too.

He posts a message to everyone in the group & it just makes me want to go to his work & hug him “Morning all, Just FYI For anyone & everyone. If you ever need someone to listen, chat to or even just have a fat rant about something my inbox is always open. My real point here is there is no reason to fight life on ur own… there are people that will help you, even if you think there isn’t. I’ll be here… You might not feel like talking to me. But please reach out to someone. I love you all. You are all amazing. Wow. he’s a genuinely good guy!

We talk throughout the day, I also see in the group that he’s going to get smashed & smoke cones tonight with his friend, so I guess he’s not coming over, I am disappointed that I’m not the one he turns to lean on, but I get it. He doesn’t come over but we chat. I try to distract him with the outfit that I had delivered for the next Switch. I like that I can make plans with him, knowing things are so much better for us… (OMG I’m saying ‘us’) We’re going with the flow, but also planning & really working on the communication a lot more. I send him a picture of me in the new outfit & he sends a gif with googley eyes popping out their head. I then show him some lingerie that I could wear underneath & he picks a black & gold set. I suggest knee high tights, which I’m not sure I have so I go digging around in the draw & put some on sending him a picture of me knee high stocking. I say that I won’t be able to get tied in this outfit, but then ask if he’s ok with me being tied by Ripples, because I don’t want it to be weird for him. He tells me that at first it was but he’s open to it.

I explain it’s just a rope thing with me & Ripples, that I liked Noddy watching me but I didn’t want him to be weirded out. “Haha, yeah… nah.. I understand, and it really is ok.. it wasn’t too weird.. just him thirsting on you haha… oh damn, I’m jealous” OH FUCK I don’t want him to be jealous. I remember how jealous Noodle got when men chatted to me & how I had to talk him around so many fucking times, that I don’t want to have that with Noddy… But as I always say, jealously is an emotion of the fear of losing something… So I now know that Noddy is scared to lose me! I reassure him that he has nothing to worry about & I tell him that I am into someone else… hehehe. “Oh I know… nah, it’s not like bad, bad. But like, it’s just u can see him about to start drooling starting at ur vag laying down hoping for a waft of it.” Bahaha… That’s so funny. I know Ripples can be full on, so I reassure Noddy, I only want him… I have to admit to myself, I wasn’t expecting that to come out of my mouth, but it did… I can be very loyal when it comes to seeing guys, I guess part of the reason is the plan to get to a point of not wearing condoms, but I actually really like this guy… He’s a decent human being & I am keen to see where it goes with him! Everyone likes him in the group, I like him, he’s a really good guy, we just have communication issues to sort out, but that’s nothing we can’t fix!

#IBD4U

Podcast – Guest Host

OMG… This is my exciting news… I’m freaking jumping out my skin right now to share this with you!!

picsart_02-05-078863094885782242323.jpg

So often things pop up on my facebook or insta for my blog, I follow a lot of other blogs & I also listen to a few podcasts, I read news articles & really involve myself in other dating stories because I love reading & hearing other stories as outrageous as mine.

I found a podcast, from Florida in America & I listened to a few episodes, liked their page & didn’t think much else of it, until the day Jack from Dating Confessions messaged me & asked me to be in their show! OMFG! So surreal…

Little ol #IBD4U has been asked to do something which involves my blog! It’s always been a passion project of mine & others are noticing. WOW… I’m gonna be famous! Hahaha. I agree to it, of course, not knowing they wanted me on the next episode!!

So the other day, via skype I chatted with Jack & Alisha from Dating Confessions & we shared some stories! I was literally so nervous but I am so excited by this. Here it is for you to listen too… Please me know what you think of this, those following my Facebook will know that I have had a podcast in the pipelines for a while…

Here is the spotify link to my episodes with Jack & Alisha…

If you want to listen to more episodes of Dating Confessions with Jack & Alisha, follow them where ever you listen to your podcasts.

#IBD4U

Noddy #12

The car ride with Noddy is uneventful, he talks to my dad like he’s known him for years, offering to fix his multitude of cars in their front yard – I think this is sweet but I’m always cautious of the “we” stuff & the making plans for the future… It hasn’t ever gone my way but maybe this could be the guy?

Dad drops us off, Noddy & I walk in the door at Switch & there is no eftpos so I have to go to the ATM. I thought Noddy heard what was happening, but he pays for himself & follows me to the ATM – I’m surprised that he didn’t offer to pay the $20 for me to get in, I had just spend $40 on pizza & got us a free ride in to the city, but that’s ok, I am not the type to let a guy pay for everything. He starts talking to a guy & girl, I wonder who they are, they are clearly a couple but the chick is very touchy feely with Noddy that it’s a bit weird, I get my money out & go to the door to pay my entry then back to them. Noddy introduces me & says that the guy is Demon’s brother & his partner. Oh ok… Demon is sick & not coming tonight, I don’t know why I am happy about that to be honest… I like her & am thankful she’s on my side, helping Noddy to be a better man to be with me. I have no reason to be jealous of her… I need to shake that… It’s weird though, I mean Noddy has only known Demon the same time as he’s known me.

Noddy & I get a drink & go upstairs. Ripples is there & I introduce them. Noddy & I sit over on the edge of a couch for a while just chatting & kissing. It’s a really quiet switch to be honest & I think I am glad that some people aren’t here, because Noddy won’t forget I am here – like he did last time. There aren’t as many people there that I know, so it seems a bit awkward. I want to say hello to people with Noddy there, so I don’t look like a loser in the kink scene that I’ve been going on & on about. Noddy barely leaves my side except when he goes out for a smoke, but this time he’s not out there long. I wonder if that’s because Demon & Doddy aren’t here to distract him?

We’re kissing the whole time he’s upstairs with me, when he goes to get a drink, Ripples actually asks me if I’m ok & if I need rescuing because I don’t look like I’m ok. Yeah I’m ok, I am more than ok, my panties are wet from this foreplay. This is the first time in a fucking long time that I have been out with a guy & had him offering me drinks, finding ways to touch me when he doesn’t need too… Standing by me proudly… It makes me wish he got to my house earlier to fuck me but then this is pretty fucking good… 5 hours of foreplay…

After the show, Ripples plans to tie me up. Noddy is not around, he’s gone for a smoke, drink & toilet, so I message him to let him know. I’m not going to be stupid about this again. I am lying on the ground so I don’t even know if Noddy’s watching or not. Ripples ties both my legs in what is called a futo (I look like a bound ham) then gets ready to suspend me when I see Noddy sitting there with his friends watching intenetly & I feel so special.

I am glad that he’s there watching, I’m about to do something I’ve never done, however I’m worried I won’t be able to do it either… I am being tied by just my legs & then getting wax poured all over me. Once suspended, I don’t know what to do with my arms, so in all the photos they are flapping about. I spin for a bit & then Ripples drips wax all over my legs. It feels so good. I did it… I can do it! After I’m down on the floor Ripples asks me if I want to get Noddy to help get rid of the wax, I say yeah. He gets Noddy over & he asks me how it was… As the ropes come off my legs, they are so embedded in my leg that it kills me & I cry out… That was so painful but so good… Noddy rubs my legs taking the wax off, saying how much he liked watching that. I am glad he enjoyed because I know Ripples can be a bit creepy, so I am worried that Noddy will think it means more than it does…

We’re sitting down, I watch Demon’s brothers girlfriend get tied up by Ripples as it’s her first Switch & he wants to experience something. I talk to Demon’s brother & he’s really nice. When Noddy comes back I am shivering & he gives me his jacket. Then says “Do you hear that?” I’m like dude we’re in a nightclub, all I can hear is music. I ask what & he says “It’s your bed calling” I giggle & think thank fuck for that. I know last Switch he was here till like 4:00 am or something. I get tired after being tied as it’s like a massage so I didn’t know what time he’d want to stay till, that I’d had 2 red bulls before I came but it’s before midnight which is usual for me. We catch an Uber home, that I pay for, he doesn’t offer me money, I also notice that he didn’t seem to say thanks to my dad for dropping us off either… But anyway, he has paid for everything pretty much. However I do offer him money every time.

We chat easily on the way home in the car, he says that he wants to watch the movie “It” when we get home, I hate scary movies but when he’s out for a smoke, I put it on, hiding under the covers. But it’s too scary for me, I keep jumping so I put on Love Actually, we don’t get to watch much because we are fucking quickly. He’s fucking me fast & his cock slips in my ass too fast that I’m not prepared. *Surprise Anal* I must jump because he stops & says “OMG are you ok?” I explain he was in my ass & he says sorry he didn’t mean too, I know that was a total accident, he’s definitely not that type of guy. We go to sleep at like 2:00 am, me laying on his chest & he says “There’s no better way to fall asleep than like this” & he kisses the top of my head. FUUUCKK!!

Caterpiller work over Noddy

When we wake up in the morning, Noddy does his usual routine of getting up for the bathroom & smoke before coming back to fuck me again. I am still in my body suit from last night, I ask if he wants me to take it off but he says hell no. He brings me a cup of tea in bed & brings his coffee in too… I could get used to this… He leaves about lunch time after pizza & a smoothie – that he hates because it has peanut butter in it (But I suggest what I usually have, which is avocado in my smoothie & he makes a vomit face), I notice when he’s gone home that his favourite black sabbath jumper is on my pool table. After I put it on & it smells like him, I smirk s I put it on…. I realise I am in trouble here… I sit there writing & sitting in his jumper (like a fuckwit) & he’s already sent me all the pics he took last night, but then he randomly sends me a picture that he’s edited, which all he’s done it put a filter on it, & says “Hope you’ve having a good day” which makes me smile like an idiot thinking that he’s editing my pictures that he has on his phone… That’s so fucking adorable! I like knowing that he is thinking about me when not with me! I send him a picture of me wearing his jumper, hoping that it’s not weird, but he says that he likes seeing me in it. We talk about what piece of clothing he’d get from me if I lose a dare & he instantly says g string, last time I gave away my underwear did not go well, so I am skeptical about this but he says he’s sure it’ll happen one day that he’ll get a pair… I’d probably just give him a pair if he really wanted them!

I tell him that I don’t often get punishment, I can be bratty & he says the he doesn’t think he’s seen the half of it… No dude, you haven’t! & I can’t wait to show him! He says he can’t wait to have some more fun too. I say that I do like to be dominated over text that he doesn’t have to wait for a dare. I don’t think he gets it because he just says “yeah good to know.” I want him to send me text commands, be dominant when we’re not together, because we’re not together a lot. Although every time we’ve talked dirty or I’ve been saying that I’m playing with my vibes, he’s been too busy, I can’t help but think he’s chatting to someone else, but he usually sends me a picture of him in bed alone or writing music. Just reminds me how much Noodle always gave me his undivided attention when I started talking sexy, this guy doesn’t seem to pick up on it…

I tell him that he should’ve just fucked my ass because I can still feel him in there. He says that he’d love too but will start a bit slower. I can’t wait for that, it’s been a while since someone fucked my ass, maybe Crows was the last dude…

Noddy gets concerned about what I’m talking about in the group about this weirdo Indian guy that was at Switch. I’ve seen him at the play parties just walking around & lurking. He’s weird, he walks around just starting & getting in your way so you can’t get past. Noddy tells me to tell him if I ever see him again, I ask what he’d do if I did feel uncomfortable & I tell him that if I felt uncomfortable I would’ve said something but we were not apart pretty much the whole night… He was exactly what I wanted that night – maybe I do want a relationship? This guy was perfect, always by my side, offering me drinks (I don’t drink much anymore until I’m tied at least) & touching me non-stop.

Fuck… do I want a relationship or is this guy just treating me well & I’m forgetting Noodle?!

#IBD4U

Noddy #11

“I’m just leaving rope now” I text Noddy to let him know I’m on my way he says “See you soon” & I drive to his house, thinking from what he was saying that he lives in the ghetto. But he doesn’t, his house is fairly nice. He gets in the car after I text to says I’m there & he says that I can come in, but I say that we should go for a drive, I don’t want to go into his house & meet his housemates, who seem to know lots about me – then we won’t resolve anything. I haven’t told that many people in my real life about him, mainly just people on the chat app. Everyone on the chat app knows because Noddy sent that picture of us in bed together, but other than that, I haven’t said much to anyone – I am cautious of everyone knowing & now that it’s shit, I’m glad I was smart enough not to tell people.

I figure if we go inside we won’t talk because we’ll either sit with his housemates awkwardly or end up having sex. So I suggest a drive, he starts giving me directions & I tell him that he’s better off pointing left & right because I will probably turn the wrong way. What is it about left & right’s when someone is giving you directions? Does anyone else do that, when someone says turn left, you turn right? Hahaha. Anyway we have a laugh about it & I kind of relax a little, he’s not being that standoffish with me, though he didn’t kiss me hello – every time Noddy has seen me, he kisses me hello & goodbye. We drive for about 10 minutes before he says to pull into the parking space on the side of a dark road, I do, turn the lights off & turn to him to say “So what’s been happening?” I hold my breath…. He tells me that his ex-girlfriend has been in contact with him again, mainly about the cats, he said he it’s stressing him out because he doesn’t think she’s living there as she’s with the guy she cheated with, so he’s worried about their well being. He talks about the car accident & now how fucked his car is, that he’s been so busy… (Fucking hell, I hate when men say that they’re so busy! WTF does it even mean?! So insulting, like I’m not busy.) He then asks me what’s been happening with me & I say “Well I’m confused” I explain that he was seeing me like 3 times a week & chatting to me constantly, then he just disappeared. He says again that his ex girlfriend has stressed him out & he’s busy but I know that’s not it… I say “That’s not completely true though is it?” He says no & chuckles a little like there is more to the story than he wants to share… but he says that he panicked, his housemates were giving him shit about how much he was seeing me & had actually asked if he was in love with me, which he started to think he was… WOHA! But because he just got out of a relationship he doesn’t want to get into another one, but he really really likes me. I ask why we have to label it & he says that that’s just who he is, he would’ve been asking me to label it with him. I mean I’m not 100% there yet, but I am pissed that he would just back off instead of talking to me. How old is this guy? I know he’s 10 years younger than me, but I thought he was more mature than this. I ask him if we can just keep going on how we are, seeing where it goes & having fun… (This is never something I thought I would ever have to say to a guy) he agrees that he can do that & I ask him to kiss me, which he does… I do consider fucking him but I didn’t bring a condom. We talk a bit more about all sorts of shit, he makes me laugh a lot, I am happy that I’ve had this talk with him, this week away will be bearable & Switch will be fun on Friday night. We’re going together, things are back on track & we don’t have to label it! I am planning the sort of exclusivity talk when I get my pap smear & STI check in a couple of weeks, but even that seems now to be too much if he’s freaking out about falling for me. But that’s my aim, then from there see if the boyfriend/girlfriend thing evolves.

I drop him home about 11:00 pm, kissing him goodbye in the car. He says that he has a present inside for me, the jumper he owes me for the debt, I’m not sure if he’s asking me inside for sex or what, but I just say to bring it on Friday. I say goodbye, feeling much better about this… Finally an adult conversation.

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I chat in the group the next day about my terrible flight but refuse to message him. Seriously, WTF is wrong with me? I am so stubborn, it’s fucking dumb, I know! He falls asleep on me when we’re chatting & then I’m asleep when he wakes up to message so the next morning, it’s easy, I just reply in the morning & keep the conversation going, none of this who will say hello first…. This is why I need the stupid agreement Noodle & I had. However I remember Max telling me he didn’t want me to be an obligation, which is not what I want either, I feel like if I had that agreement with Noddy, I would be an obligation. I tell him that I am watching Game of Thrones, starting from the beginning & I need someone to help me through it. He says we should watch it together, which I agree but then he tells me that he’s downloading it… How confusing, does he want to watch with me or by myself?

I tell him that I’ve been out for dinner & been writing as I have a deadline… Why the fuck do I tell him that? I mean, I have been told to take the blog to the grave, never tell a guy I’m with that I have it… So I just say that I haven’t told him the entire truth about my writing, that I’m shy & don’t want to share it with him, he doesn’t pry which I am thankful for but says that I shouldn’t be shy about it, that he’s sure it’s amazing work.

We chat though out the week & I tell Noddy that I am going to be home early Friday night for Switch, he says that he’ll be at mine by 6:30 pm so he can make it up to me before we go to Switch. I tell Noddy he can pick out my lingerie for Switch. I try out a costume, but I look like shit, so I end up wearing my lingerie body suit with a skirt. I figure when he gets here, we’ll have sex & he can pick out some lingerie & maybe a toy to take with us or that I have to wear all night…

I ask him if it’s ok if I ask my sister to drop us into town which he says it’s ok. I asked my sister because I can explain who he is to her. But my dad ends up doing it… FUCK Noddy is going to meet my dad… But this is good perhaps, my dad is a big bogan, beer gut, missing teeth… Shows a bit of a different side of me, like my house is perfect & styled, I always am dressed nice with hair done, make up on, this will show him that I am not from a prim & proper background… I come from the lower to middle class… I would’ve been rowing with the other slaves if I was on the titanic.

It’s something Noodle never saw & didn’t get about me, he saw the super clean house, the uncluttered living space, he never saw the hoarding that my parents do or the 5 cars for 2 of them on their overgrown front lawn… Guys don’t really understand me fully I think because of the persona I show them. I should be proud that I come from a low social-economic background & that I have made something of myself.

I start to order pizza & wait for Noddy to come over, but he tells me he won’t be there till 7:00 pm, how long does it take to get ready FFS? I get a little pissed off… I mean really… This is fucked… I still haven’t heard from him that he’s left his house, when he messages to say he won’t be here till 7:30 pm… FUCKING HELL, this guy is going to bail? My friend has bailed as she’s sick… I bet he bails… I am angry now, I don’t want to be angry, but nothing annoys me more than people running late or bailing… I order the pizza thinking fuck you, then he says he’s on his way… PHEW.

I am walking around doing shit when I see him running up behind me & I jump like a manic… I must’ve left the front door unlocked & with the music loud, I didn’t hear him come in. He laughs his head off, thinking it’s the funniest thing seeing me jump. We kiss hello & I tell him I ordered the pizza ages ago because I was hungry. He eats & I lay on the ground in front of the heater, he leans down & kisses me, I wish he got here earlier…

He goes out to smoke & I finish getting ready, I’m in the bathroom minding my own business when I turn to walk out & he’s at the door watching me, I jump a mile again & he laughs his head off again, grabbing me & kissing me saying he was there for ages. I have the music loud so I didn’t hear him. We stand there kissing so much so that I say “You should’ve got here earlier” He nods in a way that reminds me of Max & says that he should’ve. I say that my dad is going to be here soon, so we can’t. We break apart & he goes one way, I go the other, then he comes to tell me that my dad just pulled up. I introduce them, they stand outside having a smoke together as I lock up the house & we get in the car to go to Switch.

#IBD4U

Noddy #10

So talking to Rob Rob & J-Lo about how Noddy has backed right off, J-Lo tells me to do what is right for me, (what is that?) & Rob Rob just tells me to message him, send him nudes & get him interested. My stubborn mind tells me to not do anything & he can message me, I mean he read my last message & never wrote back, it’s his turn! Hahaha, I’m so childish! But honestly I feel like this dude just isn’t that keen anymore.

However Rob Rob tells me that maybe he’s waiting for me to message & I think that maybe, just maybe my stubbornness has made me lose contact with some guys in the past, because we’re both thinking “I wish they’d message me!” I know I have a problem, so I decide that Rob Rob is right, I’m 37 years old, I don’t have time for games, this is just stupid! I like this guy, I need to know what is going on. So I message him & just say “Hey how was the video shoot yesterday” because he was apparently shooting a music video for his song. He takes a while to write back but says that he just woke up, sends me a picture of him in bed & tells me that he won’t go into details but he had a hectic night. My mind automatically thinks he’s fucked someone else, I guess I can’t be mad, we’re not exclusive, he hasn’t seen me for a week & I’ve fucked someone else – Orbit, plus I’ve had text sex with Rob Rob.

I reply without thinking “Hahaha, when you say you won’t go into details, that’s not a good sign” but he says “Nah, not like that, drugs I know he smokes weed all the time, but assuming he did other stuff last night. When he says he’s annoyed they didn’t shoot the video but will make him heaps busy next weekend I bite the bullet & say “Was hoping to see you sometime soon, since I go away Tuesday morning for the whole week” he replies & I almost don’t want to read it in case it’s an excuse why he can’t see me over the next 2 days. “Yeah I would of liked to of caught up already… Sorry I’m heaps scattered. I couldn’t make it tonight but hopefully tomorrow night if you are free?” Finally, he’s asking me out I have rope but I explain that I can leave at 9:00 pm so that I’m home by 9:30 pm. However my gut is telling me he’s going to bail. I feel like he gets home from work, wants to smoke cones so makes up some excuse… But he says “Yeah I’d love to see you, it sounds like a plan.” Maybe my gut is wrong; maybe I don’t know what is going on. I did tell him through the week that we need to talk face to face because I don’t want to chat to him about this over text, because clearly I am not as easy going when people bail on me for sex. I get so grumpy! Even Noodle noticed it that if I don’t get sex, I get grumpy, well of course I do, especially when I know they are free & can fuck me!

We talk into the night, he sends me a song he’s been working on, maybe I do have it all wrong? Maybe I’m sending out a vibe of desperado? But it’s not because I want him to be my boyfriend, it’s because I want good sex with a guy I like & knows my body – I am working towards not having to use a condom with someone, then the boyfriend thing maybe. Not random sex with strangers.

He tells me that he’s going to try to sleep & he’ll chat tomorrow. I say goodnight but it’s just that he calls me “hun” not gorgeous or any winky or kissing face. I try not to read into it being that he’s coming down from a big night on drugs.

Noddy act right.png

The next day, I am definitely not going to message him, but I wake up to nothing from him to say good morning, I wait till lunch time, when he’s always online for his lunch break & still nothing. He said “I’ll chat tomorrow” so I am not messaging first again! At least he’s not chatting in the groups too…

Rob Rob tells me to message him but I will wait till later this afternoon. I feel like this is Origin all over again! Why start off so keen, messaging every day, seeing me 3 times a week & then once I finally let my guard down a little, they back off?!

I am also worried because I know he is coming to Switch on Friday & me getting angry again, then ruining my night again. We had already arranged for him to stay at my house, but we all know how that turned out with Max that time… Maybe I’m over thinking it, maybe I should stop thinking about it, I mean this guy wasn’t going to be anything anyway, so why do I care?! But I always start out as I intend to go on, so why don’t guys do the same?

I post something in the group & then Noddy does too, but doesn’t say hello to me privately. I don’t know if it’s because I’m chatting in the group what but what is up with this guy? I don’t know what to do & I don’t want to play a stupid game but fucking hell he doesn’t make sense. I’m an adult, if I want this guy to fuck me, then I need to take matters into my own hands obviously, I message him because I’m an idiot! “Hey, how are you today? Still on for tonight? Thought you might even want to come to rope, do the class?” He takes almost an hour to read it then doesn’t respond straight away… I ask our friend Doddy if he understands what’s going on but he just says you have to get him in a room & chat to him, believe me I am trying!!! Fuck!

Noddy replies saying he should be good for tonight but won’t be home till late so won’t come to rope. No worries. I am sitting at home when I see a message pop up on my phone, all I can see is “Hey Beautiful……… Don’t hate me” I think fucking hell, I knew he was going to bail. I fucking knew it… Ok I have to read it to find out why & I also know I have to respond carefully. “I can’t go anywhere… my transmission is fucked in my car… I literally just went to leave work & I can’t fucking move it… I’m heaps sorry I really wanted to come see you tonight.” FUCKING HELL… I just knew he was going to bail, I just knew it… This guy clearly isn’t in to me! I’m flying out to Port Lincoln tomorrow morning & the next time I will see him will be Switch… If I wait till then I know I won’t have a good time, so I carefully word my response. “Oh no, that really sucks… Can I come see you after rope? We can just go for a drive in my car… I have to be at the airport at 8:00 am, so won’t be late…” He says that’s no problem & will be good to see me. I tell him I don’t mind that he lives north & that he doesn’t always have to come to my house, I can come to his – I mean I don’t really want to go inside or stay at his frat house, but I don’t always expect him to come to my side of town. Then I see him typing for ages… I try not to overthink what the fuck he writing. “TBH I didn’t even think of it. Because my housemates are here all the time & people (buying weed) come & go. Just not what I’d like to show you about my life… I feel it would scare you way too much too quickly….” Hmmm, maybe he is interested in me? He doesn’t want to scare me off… I gotta admit… I’m kinda embarrassed about how I live ATM…” What does this guy think of me that he seriously think of me? As if I would be judgmental, I mean you just have to read this blog to know that I am never in a place to judge others! I tell him that I am not judgmental & couldn’t careless where he lives, but I need to talk to him face to face before I go away or my head will explode. He says he knows I’m not judgmental but its him being judgmental of himself – remind you of someone?! I’ve been here before with Noodle. But he says “Well yeah I definitely think we need to chat before you go away, haha I hope it doesn’t explode, that would be messy.” I make him send me his address before I walk into rope so that I am not preoccupied with him & if he’s going to bail out of this chat! He sends me his address & I relax – yaye for relaxed rope time…

#IBD4U