Referee

I found this post in the drafts… Thought I’d share!

After being fired for the third time in my life, when I am dedicated, hard working individual who isn’t always the perky Elle Woods, but I am not awful to work with or to manage – well not in my opinion. I would only admit this now but many years ago I probably wasn’t the best worker, always pissed off about what others were doing or getting & not focusing on what I was doing or trying to achieve, I probably should have been performance managed at one point, for sure but not now. Yet here I am having been fired from a third job & feel like utter shit. I have no clue what I am going to do. I have no savings, I have no partner to back up my missing salary. I have no prospects to get a new job.

Luckily when I was fired for the second time I had done some random temping for an agency & received rav reviews – they were even looking for a senior role for me but knew I wouldn’t stay in the role I was doing. So this third time I called that woman and she got me into a temp job for 4 – 6 weeks & when I hadn’t gotten anywhere with gaining an ongoing role, she straight away placed me into another temp job, knowing that the temp jobs I am doing are beneath my skills, so I obviously get rav reviews as I am doing way more than expected abd asking for more, which makes gee also look for a more senior role for me.

There aren’t many options to get money quick. I signed up for Uber Eats again to deliver some food but as it’s the middle of winter, it’s dark by the time I get home from catching the train to & from the city – not usually a problem, but maybe from listening to too many murder podcasts, I have to have a photo up on the Uber app, which of course I look good so I’m scared someone is going to jump out the bushes & get me while I’m delivering thier food to their dodgy front porch!

Last year, after the second firing, I did sign up for OnlyFans – which is basically an adult content facebook, I got one follower. But it is all self promoted, there is no suggested “videos you might like.” section. So my first issue was the fact I didn’t want my face up, what a surprise. So that made promotion difficult & I had to create accounts on other apps to post the content first like Instagram, Snapchat & Reddit.

My second issue is that I didn’t want anyone to see it, especially a prospective employer or anyone from my past I guess. I edited every photo to remove any tell tale signs it was me, including a freckle in my leg or the dark skirting boards in my bedroom. It took ages. I never posted anything too bad, was feet pics or lingerie but like I said I removed any tell tale sign it could be me. So I used reddit to promote my OnlyFans but I have no clue how to use it & as always I wasn’t consistent so I made no money & then I got a job eventually so I deleted it.

So what can I do for money? Well a friend who I used to work closely with has made his desire for me clear – I suspect as he might read this blog, not many guys know about it but I just have a feeling. One day he rings me, clearing his throat every second word that I think what the fuck is he going to ask, we were just having a normal friend convo. He says that he’d offer me $1000 to *cough* you know *cough* to eat your *cough* pussy. I don’t remember how I even said no & got off the phone but I did & we hung up.

He messages later ‘Would like to clarify on last conversation. I was pretty nervous to raise the issue with you so probably didn’t come out well. Absolutely not interested in starting something, really am only interested in a one off For me is more like a bucket list type thing, absolute could not and would not want to go there again. The other thing I didn’t say was I really only have an opportunity tomorrow, Thursday evening as my partner is away. And I have some money put aside at the moment. So that’s what it was all about. You have always been a fantasy for me as well for so long and you only live once so I’m going to put it out there one last time $1.5K for about 1 hour of your time it’s just between you and me.’ I stare at it for so long, could I do this??

My initial reaction is still no, which to my surprise, eveyone who I told says to me that I should do it. It’s Monday, I need money. A chick from the temp job who I’m friends with on snapchat tells me to do & is adamant that she would do it. When I chat to some clients about it, they say that I should 100% do it. There is only one person really aganist who even offers me the money to borrow if I am desperate.

Look financially it isn’t a good time for me, I am hanging in by a thread to everything I have. Luckily I never have to sell anything but I come close a few times. But am I going to do something I really have no desire to do for money? One point I hear, is that no one likes work, think of it like a job. Also another client asks, how many people have I fucked that I wish I hadn’t/haven’t enjoyed & for free!!! Well she has a point. Hahaha.

While I’m job hunting, this guy is a referee for me – let’s face it he’s had to do a few recently for me, so we’ve kept in contact because of that. I mean don’t get me wrong he was a good friend. At one point when I was at my fittest, we were doing park run together & working together (at the first job I got fired from!)

Let’s back track too, he was in my team at the job I was at the longest, you know the one where I travelled a lot & then they started treating me like shit – apparently firing me because I started my little lash business. Well he was in my team & I know his wife. I always just thought wr were friends I never knew he had a fantasy of being with me for one night only… As I said earlier, I have a feeling he’s read the blog & honestly, I am not like he thinks I would be, I can assure you.

Anyway, he tells me to apply for this job, I get an interview but don’t get the job – even though he is my referee & apparently one of the interviewers are his close friend. Oh well, guess it’s not meant to be but I would have loved that job.

He has some health issues (trying not to give this guy away) but it’s pretty serious & it makes him up the price to $2500 because apparently “you only live once” right. I am starting now to get more desperate that I think maybe we should discuss it, so I try but he wants to talk on the phone about it, I don’t because it’s fucking awkward. This is what makes me think I can’t do it. How will it even go down?

I ask how he wants this to go down, he asks if I want the money transferred or cash – I personally think that’s the least of my concerns right now. As I start to talk about how it will happen, definitely not my house, not sure I want to go to his but ask what his thoughts are, what he is expecting from me & that cash is probably best but a transfer is less awakward, he takes like 18 hours to reply saying “currently wrestling with my conscience.” oh FFS.

I know it’s going to be awakward because I am not into it, I never want anyone to find out I went through with it – especially Marvel (yes I’m still seeing him) & I know what he’ll say, however to my surprise, after sex one day when I mention it, he basically tells me to do it. I don’t think he is serious but I guess I have his approval & I do really need the money. But Marvel is in my mind, I don’t want to keep fucking other people, I don’t want to keep adding notches to my bed post. Plus it’s been so long since I have been with someone else.

I say to Referee that I knew this would happen, that he would pull away as soon as I entertained the idea, I mean I can tell by how awkward he was to ask. I also don’t want someone whos not sure & going to make me take the lead. Yeah that can be fun, but it’s not entirely my vibe. I want someone more dominant & sure of what to do – unfortunately for me, I want a Marvel type, which I am certian this is not it.

He says to me, “I’m really torn, I really want to- in some  ways I can’t even believe it’s a possibility but my conscience is giving me a  hard time. These are the things on my list – deep passionate kissing, playing with, licking and sucking your tits, eating your pussy, you sucking my cock and licking my balls – so I am not even sure if you would agree with these things anyway. Well if those things are acceptable for you, I am happy to proceed. Let me know if you want to proceed.” Happy to proceed? What a sexy offer! Hahaha… So transactional, maybe that’s the best way to get through this?

I reply saying that kissing isn’t on my agenda & sucking his dick & balls would be on a mood type thing, I don’t want to force that & if I’m not feeling it, I don’t want to just suck his balls because hes paying me… That’s not a fav thing to do with a random guy but a friend says do whatever he wants for $2500. I mean just cos he’s paying doesn’t mean I have to just do what he wants, does it? Don’t I get a say? I know it’s his fantasy but I still should get a say in what I willing to offer?? He says “the non kissing is really disappointing. I could probably move past that but a maybe on some things depending on the mood wouldn’t work for me. Yes not at yours agreed.”

That’s about where it ends, we don’t really talk about it again. I mean I am not entirely sure I could’ve gone through with it anyway, I mean I could just picture him walking into my house – he’s been here before, he took me to lunch when I got fired from the job we worked at together, he bought my flowers & told me not to post it on Facebook, so I knew there was some attraction for him but he would be awkward in a sexual scenario & I’d have to take charge & I just don’t want too.. I also really don’t want to have sex with someone new. Someone who doesn’t know my body or what I like that I’m going to have to probably guide to do what I want & see my naked body which I am so concious of these days.

I eventually get a job, which I need him to be a referee for, which he does & I am so thankful for it, so I don’t end up doing it. There might be a week between my temp job & going to Melbourne that I am not working, which freaks me out & I would probably have to do it but luckily, I don’t have too… I don’t want to force it.

But I guess I’ve established my price. Hahaha $2500 for one session. Not a bad pay day.

#IBD4U