Ralph

Here’s another post I found lying around in the depths of my draft posts.

I am sick, sick as fuck. I have the worst diarrhoea that I have ever had. I don’t even know what has made me sick, food poisoning? Lying in bed for a complete weekend has got me bored. I download an app, I pay $60 for a month. Why am I doing this?

I chat to a couple of people, not ever worthy to write a blog about but I chat. One dude wants to meet for coffee & after I say yes & we agree to meet 10:00am Sunday at a café that I don’t know, he tells me that he is actually 49, not 45, that he can’t change his age as ‘the app won’t let him change it’ – so many things fuck me off about this. Firstly, the app will let you change it. Secondly, if he is 49 then he wouldn’t have even come up in my search for a match, because even though I am 43 now, I still don’t think I am that old, so dating someone almost 50 just seems insane to me, but I guess in reality, he is probably an ok age bracket for me so I figure I’ll still go on the date.

Saturday night there is a terrible thunderstorm & I am awake all night. Tomorrow is my only sleep in, so I message at 2:00am letting him know that I probably won’t make it at 10:00am. I wake up at 9:00am & he’s messaged asking if I am going which I apologise & say no, I won’t make it. He asks to me at 6:00pm after work, but I don’t reply & he deletes me. Fair enough. I deserve that.

At this time, I am chatting to Ralph anyway & actually getting along with him, we chat a lot to the point he asks if we are going to meet at the beach for a walk with the dogs. I don’t really answer which I think annoys him because he doesn’t really write back to me after he asks again & I say ‘I thought we’d already agreed, no?!’ Now I mean the “no” with a French accent – you know how they say no at the end of a sentence?

When he doesn’t write back that morning, the day of the proposed date, I realise my mistake & he might have read that as if I said no, so I clarify & he messages normally for the rest of the day until we meet. He’s already on the beach when I get there, I message to say I am there & he says he’s in the red shorts on the beach. I walk down the beach & let the dogs off but our dogs (his & mine) have a little argy bargy & sort of snap at each other – well that’s not a good sign.

We walk down the beach & get to the boat ramp & he asks if I want to go up there, um to a concrete boat ramp over huge rocks? He says that it’s his happy place but I say no, I just usually walk up & back, he doesn’t seem to mind, the beach is my happy place. He talks a lot, I mean I am a talker but I barely get a word in, to be honest, I don’t even know what he says but its’s all about him or his four kids, he has two older kids & twins that he has all on a bit of a different rotation schedule, which I can’t keep up with or who’s who.

When I finally get to say something about having a trailer (top notch convo) & he asks if I reverse it, which I say ‘Of course I do, I live alone, who else will do it?’ Which he says ‘that’s aggressive.’ Um, what the fuck? My response or the fact I reverse the trailer? I ask how it’s aggressive but he just says it again & I am like what is aggressive about it? When he says ‘I said impressive.’ & I laugh, but fuck, how many times did I say aggressive before he realised I heard it wrong & corrected me…

After the walk, we chat on the footpath for ages, I notice that he is wearing Ralph Lauren shirt & shorts. I don’t know why that’s weird but wearing double brand is just odd to me. But not a deal breaker, just something I noticed as he talked incessantly about his ex’s & being screwed over with houses, twice. I fucking hate the ex talk but I haven’t been given an opportunity to ask any questions to steer the conversation away from this or been asked any questions, I’ve barely even been able to add my own tid bits. This isn’t a convo, this is a rant.

Sorry, correction, he did ask if I am smart, but not like a question, he said ‘you must be smart because you’re in *insert industry*’ which I said, yes & he moved on with his next topic before I could elaborate. He asks if I am interested in another walk & I say yes another time & that I should go, the dogs aren’t great at just standing around, they were getting restless…

I get home & start cooking dinner when I get the text message ‘So #IBD4U, what are you thinking?’ stupidly, I didn’t really think about my reply, saying the first thing in my head that I am thinking I am hungry for dinner. He knows I am going to a themed work event so people will dress up & he asks if I have other costumes. Which I say that I do, honestly not thinking about this interaction so I just say yes but not onea I’d wear to work but he presses asking what & letting me know that he knows a guy who can help with a dress rehearsal.

Is he thinking I am going to some sort of kink event? I am going to a day time work function where the theme is magic! Like wtf does he think I am going to be doing…

I tell him “Hahaha after one walk on the beach, you think you get to know all the cheekie secrets??” he then writes to tell me that he has full length mirrors. I tell him that I have a wall of mirrors in my room – which is true & I get no reply…

Later on, I realiae that he’s just after casual, so I test & say I’m not looking for casual & I should have been more upfront… I mean I am not interested in a casual thing at all & certainly after one 30 minute walk on the beach I am not going to be doing any sort of fashion parade no matter if it’s my lingerie or just a normal costume for a work event.

He relies the next morning “I’m a believer in everything starts casual, I find it funny how it’s thought you can jump into a relationship. 🤷‍♂️” um what? When did I said I wanted to jump into a relationship?? After that he never replies but months later when I am bored on a dating site, he pops up & likes my profile… Really dude??

Moving on…

#IBD4U