Marvel #17

January/February 2024

Marvel hasn’t spoken to me since mid-December. He doesn’t usually talk to me while the kids are on school holidays, so I am used to this – he’s always been like this, even though I know he works part time & he totally could message me, he always makes sure that he doesn’t, being strong & keeping that distance, never letting his guard down. I never know when he is going to pop up again, I never know if he is going to pop up again, if I am really honest with myself. My brain regularly catastrophises that he is dead or that he moved interstate without telling me. Lets face it, if I don’t ever hear from him, I may never know why.

I don’t normally bother saying happy birthday to him – I did as Noodle & would have as Silverlining, but not as Marvel. He barely acts as if he likes me, he doesn’t deserve for me to make him feel special by messaging him. I haven’t in the last few years. He’s seen me on my last few birthdays to have sex, but fuck him, I am not going out of my way to say happy birthday, especially since I know that it will sit at unread for weeks while he’s off doing whatever he’s doing – being stronger than me, avoiding me. I hate looking at the unread message icon, knowing he’s not been online or thought about me at all. But to my surprise, he comes back online the day after his birthday, making a comment on a video that I sent him last year, I haven’t sent anything since then, cos I am being just as stubborn as him.

I am working a shitty temp job, which is hard to get away from because if I am not there, I don’t get paid. I need money right now so I can’t just be taking time off for sex. But the boss I have is so good, I’ve told her I have a couple of interviews so she knows that I am looking for work at a higher level of what I am doing & would let me take some time off. I also have been offered a job which starts later this month but they have jipped me $10k off the advertised salary – I genuinely believe that they have done that because they know me from my previous roles & they know I am unemployed. They are calling my bluff about being desperate for money, but I have accepted it but am seriously on the fence on if I should see how these other interviews go before.

I end up rolling the dice & decline that job that offered me $10k less & wait to hear from these other jobs interviews that I have been too. When Marvel comes back online, he’s behind what’s been going on so he thinks I have started the new job, but I tell him that I am still temping. But almost a week after asking, he looks at my reply telling him I didn’t start that job & am still temping for a little bit when he finally organises to see me. It’s early February & I have just started a new job, where I will be on the road & the boss – the unofficially titled head of SA, however they also tried to jip me $10k but it was initially $20k more than the one I turned down. So I negotiate $5k more – I should have asked for more once I found out that my staff were earning the same as me FFS.

I am all ready to stay home & see him this morning, go in late – I’ve told my staff that I have a meeting & will be in later etc, so because I start at 7:30 am, I have slept in a little being I don’t have a commute to worry about, when I get a message “Fuckkk i can’t do today, my body is having some technical difficulties, pretty sure my son will be home from school. And my wife is sick at work and could come home anytime. And I pretty sure what I have is contagious as it’s gone thru my whole family.” No sorry. No reschedule date. No care factor about me at all & what I put on the line… So get fucked. I don’t write back. What would I say anyway, ‘ok no worries, Marvel, let me know when you are free’ no, fuck him. I am not replying, especially when it won’t be read. So, I don’t. I am so angry that I change my life around to see him & I don’t even get a sorry or a reschedule date?

But because he has to be the one who’s the most stubborn, even though he was the one who fucking bailed, I have to be the one to fix things. It’s always on me to fix things… I wait 4 days before I message because he hasn’t bothered to come back online – well maybe he has, but he hasn’t fucking messaged me. I am booked for a trip to QLD for work, so I need to see him soon or it’ll be end of Feb before I see him again… I haven’t had sex all of 2024 & it’s mid Feb, so I finally message & say “So when are you planning on making it up to my vagina?” which he must be online or lurking, because he fucking replies quickly (here’s me thinking he never logs back on except when he messages… Apparently not!) & says that he’s only just gotten better & offers up a few different options.

I work from home one morning & he comes over right at the end of the weekly operations online meeting, which is a complete fucking waste of time – I hate meetings for the sake of meetings, which this one is & it’s weekly FFS. Anyway I let him know that my computer camera will be on & he will need to sneak in as it’s fucking going over time – another thing it never does. For the first time since I started, it usually goes for 20-30 minutes but today it’s almost 45 minutes & there is no end in sight.

He rocks up & I alert him that I am still in the meeting. Mainly so he doesn’t come over & get in the camera, so he sits on the couch & plays with his phone. It’s the only time I’ve ever felt awkward with him, because I have to speak in the meeting & sound all professional & like I know what I am talking about & I don’t want him to hear but I also do want him to hear that I am as smart as he thinks I am… I have no notes about that sex session because I didn’t write any & I we didn’t really talk about it afterwards, usually our conversation only exists of us talking in detail (but briefly – what a contradiction, hahaha.) what we did & I can look at the screenshots of the conversation & be reminded of what we did so I can write about it. But because of how little he talks to me these days, I don’t have a lot to write about. I know that the sex is always good, but we’ve fallen into a routine of fucking in the bedroom, me climbing on top, cumming, then sucking his dick then fucking from behind until he cums. It’s good. It’s amazing. But it’s predictable. With the limited time that we have, I guess that’s all we have time we have so we can’t do anything too elaborate anymore.

#IBD4U