Marvel #35

March 2025 #5

So with his weirdness still going on, sexless dates & all day chatting from 4:20am when he gets up to about 4:00pm or 5:00pm, then again around 8:30pm – 9:00pm till almost 11:00pm some nights, I am weirded out still as to what is happening, we’ve done a few phone calls, he’s met me for a sexless date – not me going to him all the time & says he wants more of it. What is he doing, because if he can’t keep this up, it’s going to destroy me. I am trying to keep it at an arm’s length but it is fucking intoxicating & I am drawn in without even realising how much of myself I am giving him.

We are chatting, he gives me a morning rant that is like 20-25 messages in a row of all sorts of shit, so our conversations go everywhere & if I wrote about everything we talk about, I would never get this story out… But because of his early morning rants that I love waking up too, I open up & say “I don’t know if I ever told you but my biggest fear in life was that I would die never being loved… Cos the ex boyfriend never said it no other guy but you has said it to me… So I guess I was mid 30s & never been loved & didn’t know how to love either… I mean I still don’t think I do it well at all… So yeah I struggle with that emotion or any emotion other than anger.” & his simple reply makes me swoon “You are loved.” I say aww, not knowing what to say & he continues “I know you have always doubted it. And I know I confuse you sometimes. But you were always and still are loved by me. And no one would believe me , and I’m sure anyone that knows you would tell you it’s a load of shit, and I’m just a cheating fuckhead. But I’m 100% sure it’s the reason you have kept me in your life. Because you know I do love you.” Is that true? But I do feel loved…

Because we talk a lot now, more than ever before, more than even affair one, I reckon, that it’s hard to pick out things that I want to write about – stuff that deserves air time, stuff that’s meaningful not just sex talk, I know it’s boring for those still reading but this is my journal that I am posting online so it’s probably going to drag out – looking at what I am writing about, we’re only up to the 6 & 7 of March 2025 at the current time – Fuck & we’re on post number 5 for March… Believe me I am culling information as much as I can!! Hahaha… For example, I was copying at the time & pasting our chats (like a weirdo!) into a word document, 30 pages for 6 March. THIRTY! Plus, there is a phone call or two now & sometimes a face-to-face visit also. Needless to the say there is a lot of information to get down, especially since I still have no idea what the fuck is going on with him & why he’s being weird!

But we’ve recently talked about the other chat app days & how I was pissed off at the end of affair number two when Marvel came back online & didn’t even say hello to me but was chatting in groups, he did it a couple of times, his morning rant includes him finally understanding my side of it “I kinda get the jealously thing, you had unlimited access to groups, I had limited access , if I was online with my limited time , you wanted all my limited time, which obviously I didn’t always do. But I justified it in my head because I messaged you every day, messaged you literally all day, met you multiple times a week, and you were my number one pm. And as much as I loved you, as much as you were my number one, as much as messaged you all day. I like my ego being stroked just as much as my cock. And having a bunch of girls flirting with me, trying to get my attention, even try and mark me as their territory (oh and I know they did, especially the chick that was fuckin cowboy haha!)” I get it cos I loved the guys flirting with me, but I was always sitting there waiting for him, even if I did chat with other guys – which at that time was no one. I think even though I hate bringing up the past, it’s good & more honest than ever before with Marvel that I like chatting about this stuff & getting clarity without blame or regret.

He’s planned to spend the day with me, well it’s not the whole day is it? He will come after 7:00am & will leave around lunchtime but I am excited for the allocated time because he said after the night I had with Origin & he came over the next day & I slept, that he almost blocked me. Whatever dude , you fuck your wife! & I didn’t even fuck Origin that night… Anyway, I’m supposed to pick him up so he can leave his car at work but he messages me & says that he doesn’t need a lift. I am sleepy & don’t understand it, feeling like he’s bailing but he says that he’s just going to drive to mine & wouldn’t cancel like that. Last night he stopped replying around dinner & never came back online so I assumed he was going to bail, he’s not bailed a lot but usually disappears when he needs to bail so he can avoid the conversation rather than being an adult to tell me why he can’t meet. Usually I’ll get a “can’t do today” or something equally as cold, no explanation & no sorry, then he disappears for days, maybe weeks on end, so yes Marvel, you would cancel like that!

I had thought about this drive back to my house from his work a lot though, what little fantasy I could think up. I could pretend to be a student needing driving lessons, but when he says that he can drive himself, I am ok with the fact I don’t have to drive to get him but am also a little disappointed that we won’t have a little fantasy & some sexual tension build up – a little fantasy he didn’t know about & I didn’t know would be hot…Or I was going to make him drive & jerk him off… But anyway, I have my sisters dogs at my house as well as mine so I get up to sort them out, feeding them & getting them all settled again.

When he comes over after we fuck, we lay there cuddling, we fuck again. Half way through the morning, I get up to make us breakfast. I have pre-made crumpet protein bowls & so I heat them up & take them into the bedroom for a bedroom picnic. I am not sold on them but he seems to like it & later he tells me how much he loved me making him breakfast. We both get really hungry when we fuck so I thought we should have something to eat. I did also get bacon & eggs but didn’t want to spend the time I had with him in the kitchen cooking. So I opted for the pre-made protein bowls & just heated them up. I think because he doesn’t get food cooked for him a lot, that he loved that I put in that effort. In a stupid thing I do too, I bought him Pepsi Max because he prefers that over Coke no sugar – which is what I drink… I do these things, then feel like a dick cos I want him to have the Pepsi Max but I don’t want him to know that I got it – if that makes sense?!

He does something relatively new today, he spends a lot of time just lightly rubbing my clit, over & over – not in a fuck what is he doing way, but in a what the fuck is he doing, I am going to cum type of way… He does this multiple times throughout our session & I fucking love it, I can’t get enough of it. Later he tells me that he couldn’t get enough of my body reacting, my face & my moans that it made him want to do it more & more… It was so good that I am literally begging him, fucking his hand to make him do it basically as he’s walking out the door! Before he leaves though, I ask him to fuck me hard, which he does & we cum together, something that he still thinks is just fiction & can’t happen in real life. I mean I never knew it could happen, it’s only ever happened with him & only three times that I can recall.

He tells me that he loves what I put on as he was leaving, which was just a t shirt dress, it does hug me in the all the right spots & when I tell him that I am more comfortable around him naked, he says that he wanted to touch me more when I was wearing clothes. I have put on weight so I don’t feel as good about myself but he says that I look like I’ve lost weight. We talk about what would happen if I was with someone & we met up in the future & I tell him it would be just like Carrie & Mr Big when they’re cheating… He says that he would put in a fuck ton of effort to make sure I fucked him, even if I was with someone else… Would he really?! I mean in the past he’s told me that he wants me to be happy & that’s why he backs off, so I don’t know if he would really try at all to fuck me if he had lunch with me & I was with someone.

There is one thing that has always been in his mind about me & sex. That I need kink & that he isn’t kinky enough for me. He says that we had no kink at all today – not even a spank & I reacted in a way he hasn’t felt before & I was wet just from his light touches, that I say it’s in his head about the kink, not mine. He replies “Guess it was one thing I was wrong about you 🤷‍♂️” Errr ya think!! I tell him that I enjoy it & I explored kink but I didn’t need it. I tell him that trust & connection, two things we have is what I want, “Someone who knows my body & how to use it. Someone who gets me mentally when I am being overly sensitive about some dick thing they said…” He says that the way I reacted proves any doubt he had. FINALLY!!!

We talk about fisting & rimming, two things I want to try with him, I’m always so conscious of him near my ass but I want to ty doing it to him, I know his wife has done it to him & he didn’t reciprocate to her – he would have fucking rubbed it in my face if he did, just as he rubbed it in my face that she did it to him – once – & he loved it, so that’s how I know he hasn’t done it to her, but I want to explore that with him, I’ve never done it to anyone & I reckon after a bath or shower together, it could be incredibly sexy. But he says that he has some physical condition that makes him scared to do it, I probe him on what & he says that cos he’s had a physical job & he’s in his 40’s but kept dancing around the subject, I honestly have no clue what it could be so when he says haemorrhoids, I’m like fuck I’ve had them before hahaha, usually when on some high protein diet that backs you up! Hahaha…

But all in all, he get s a few things today, he gets that I don’t need kink – I enjoy it but do not need it, finally getting that though his thick head & also that I made him feel special by cooking breakfast & having Pepsi Max for him, he thinks it’s really cute & he says I didn’t need to do it, but it’s my love language, the acts of service but then I feel self conscious about it but he says I don’t need to because he fucking loves it. As he signs off that night, having had a nap & coming back online to talk to me late into the night, he says “I’m trying my hardest here to not say I love you. Especially all the Cute nice things you did for me today.” I tell him I am holding back too, he says “So let’s not make this a habit? But I love you and goodnight x” I say it back because I do love him, I don’t want it to be a ‘habit’ or something you just say as you hang up the phone, but I do want to say it everyday, it was my biggest regret of affair one – but he seemingly doesn’t feel the same way… I guess (or overanalyse maybe) that it’s a habit with his wife & he doesn’t want it to be that way with me.

#IBD4U