April 2025 – Setting the scene…
Bonus post for the long weekend!
15 April 2025 – It’s been 50 days since affair 3v2.0 commenced & including today’s date, we’ve had seven sexless dates & six sex dates. That is more than we’ve seen each other in the last year! This conversation we have is very interesting, because I feel like after only 50 days he now already setting up his pull back move. I don’t know when it’ll be, but I know it will happen, I have no doubt about it, no matter what shit he is spouting about loving me, taking me for granted & missing me – wanting me in his life, it will happen. I say that I am happy with what we’ve got going on right now, so he sets it up, “What happens if I go off-line for a week though? And things get tough mentally for you? Or if you go out and get drunk and meet a hot single guy and your vagina thinks for you? Or some old friend you slept with turns up on your door step ? Because once you say something… You have to mean it, regardless if you can justify your actions , which I think you can… my opinion, not yours too….” But let’s be honest, I haven’t fucked anyone in two & a half years & he was barely talking to me so what makes him think I will now? It hits me that he doesn’t trust me & probably never will… I tell him that I will be 100% loyal to him & I mean it. But after 50 days of constantly spouting how much he wants to have me in his life & missed me, he is now setting himself up so that he won’t always have to chat like this… “I won’t go completely but can’t guarantee all day convo for a whole week… it will happen or may happen where I can’t talk to you much. The second I became hyper focused on my job during first affair at the other store and really had to work hard, you went out of your way fucked someone , and it was someone from the chat app which we agreed you weren’t going to do, is one example.” No it wasn’t that he started at the new store that made me fuck someone else, it was his disregard of me & me trying to justify to myself that he meant nothing to me so it didn’t matter that he treated me like shit. “I don’t expect all day & you haven’t chatted all day but they only time we’ve had issues is when you don’t communicate about what you’re doing & that was when you & her both had a fairly set roster… Now I have no clue when you’re at work, when you’re available… So that’s the only time I will have an issue is if you haven’t told me & I just assume you’re ghosting me & fucking her… 🤷🏼♀️“ We just have very different ideas of how he should communication given our situation. “Well my availability will be spotty every Friday. Do you want to know how often we have sex ?” Well Dur, thanks captain obvious. “Yeah I know that about fridays… But like I said, unless you tell me, I just have to guess why your not chatting… Was easier when you were at the other job, now I have no idea with your work… Not really… But go on…” Fuck I do not want to know about their sex life… “Once a month max. It’s not very often… So don’t be thinking I’m fuckin her everytime I’m off-line. Or disappear. Sometimes less … Bit hard when you have older kids and I’m not a night owl and she hates morning sex too, like most older couples with kids do it Sunday mornings for some odd reason (she won’t do it in the morning) I’m falling asleep every night att 9pm… used to be like 10pm before chatting to you lol. Now I fall asleep and my body wake me up to chat to you cos I can haha. I struggled last night haha. And as you know…she also likes her sleep at night too. My son is 11 and awake most nights haha. And it’s been like that for a few years BTW, it’s not a recent thing.” He sends me a screenshot of his roster, to see if that helps… I don’t know if it will because I don’t want to be the fucking crazy girlfriend tracking where he is & I just want him to tell me when he’s going to be offline, that’s it. It’s simple. I don’t need his roster if he can communicate that he’s going offline & won’t come back all day/night. I’m not asking much. In fact it’s the only thing I have ever asked of him in eight years, something that he is physically incapable of doing.
We say that we both don’t want to get hurt or hurt each other, so he says, “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I hold my breath as I wait for his reply to my response, “I never wanted to hurt you…. Well, I want it, but if you don’t, tell me now… We can just be friends.” But he says “No I want it. I have always wanted it. It’s one sided though… I will try and give you everything I possible can… Message you when I can, see you when I can see you. Meet you for lunch … Make you cum more than once a month 😛 I want it. I’m just nervous … You are more than a friend to me. And I’m glad you now officially recognise me as more…” It’s definitely not one sided, but this conversation has made me nervous too because he will back off & he will blame being busy or some other bullshit about why he couldn’t come online – even though he can message me while lying in bed with her, he’ll forget that he’s done that, multiple times & will use her as an excuse to push me away… I know he will, it’s only a matter of time, he’s done it to me twice before. But I don’t want to hold anything back this time, it will hurt the most when it’s over, “But I am trying to make more of an effort, and be appreciative of what you do for me. I also want more phone calls, I love talking to you on the phone 😛 Somehow we always have phone sex tho if it’s the morning haha. You can’t help it you dirty horny bitch 😛”
16 April 2025 – Our conversation continues & I think it’s important to reflect on this because he says that I went ‘bat shit crazy’ which led to the end of affair two, not taking any responsibility for why I ended it, of course. I don’t think I was bat shit crazy, I personally think I handled it very well, I went to his gym, realised that I wasn’t the person I wanted to be, he wasn’t the person I thought he was either & so I ended it. He says I made it easy for him & he took it as a sign. I don’t think that’s bat shit crazy to end it with a man who was telling me how much he loved me but was pulling away & using another woman on the chat app to publicly make a fool out of me, then finding out he got married four days later – making a fool out of me again by not telling me himself. He’s lucky that’s all I did!! Who’s really the crazy one?!
“It’s okay to be human and go crazy , especially for our situation and that scenario, you had declared your love for me…. and you were trying soooo fucking hard …. I lapped it up, I fucking loved it, but due to the circumstances I wasn’t giving you much back… not intentionally but it was circumstances, and it upset you and drove you crazy I wasn’t.” How embarrassing he saw I was trying so hard, yet it didn’t make a difference… It’s also the first time that Phoenix acknowledges his part in the end of affair two. There are so many emotions with this conversation & this relationship with Phoenix, “No it drove me crazy that you were also spouting your love for me, then start pulling back & not logging on at all… Its why I’m so apprehensive about this time because it’ll just take one thing, you’ll be able to justify due to your ‘circumstances’ why you pulled away leaving me wondering why & leave me one choice but to end it before I go completely mad. Then in a few months time when you’re bored again, you’ll come back online & I’ll find out your having another baby or something…” I know that this will be exactly how we end, I have no doubt in my mind that he will do this to me again when some major event happens, he’s already setting up my expectations for when he does pull away… Maybe he already knows his upcoming event?!
“I didn’t think you would go mad… Just thought you would put up with it. Never thought you would end it with me. At that point I didn’t think you were capable of it. I sure as fuck wasn’t capable of it.” Well I think we need to stop saying I will go mad or crazy, because it was pretty sane if I hibezt, but anyway, I reply, “I will go mad… I won’t handle another Phoenix love bomb few months for you to pull away & justify it by saying ‘you’re so busy & you chat when you can.” He asks if I will go mad & I tell him to calm down, “Rest easy that I will just go silently crazy. But there will be no going back tbh.” It will be it. I also know that. I won’t be able to restore what he breaks next time he pulls away too far. I have boosted his ego for eight years, if he pulls away, I will not beg for his time ever again… I won’t do anything to destroy his life, I will think it, I might write about it, but I would never blatantly do anything to jeopardise his stupid life. I don’t want him because shit hit the fan & he got kicked out, I want him because he chooses to leave & wants to be with me.
“It killed me you broke up with me… that I had driven you to that point … I was stubborn. And also took it as a sign from the universe or something. I was never going to end it …” What to get married? Yeah cos you’re so fucking scared of being alone & wanted to keep talking to Cowboys Mistress without me in your way! “Anyway.. How the fuck. Are we still friends ? How the fuck do we still have feelings for each other? Makes no fuckin sense. Why do I never want to lose you from my life? 😕 How do we recover from all those things … You say you’re a stubborn person … So why do we always become friends again?” Yeah I have no idea… I really don’t! As I said before I will not put in any effort to keep things going if he pulls away, I have to have some dignity left, right?! I know it seems like all my walls are down but I can feel a brick or two retaining wall starting to form. He’s told me before that it was all because of me that we still talk & that’s true, I always put in more effort than he does. But I hang on every word he says & pray to the god that I don’t believe in, that what he says about never wanting to lose me from his life is actually true & he will fight to keep me in his life!!
I call bullshit to saying he took me ending it as a sign to get married, if I hadn’t of ended it, he still would have got married, I’m letting him spin me bullshit about missing me but this is not bullshit I can take… He was getting married no matter what, they’d obviously been planning for at least a year, let’s not forget how scared of being alone he is, he says “No I had no plans to stop it … but I didn’t think you would come back in my life declaring your love for me. And didn’t think I would fucking love it as much as I did … And still loved you… It was so good to see you put your guard down with love and feelings… I lapped it up … loved it… I never thought you capable of that …” I was so vulnerable thinking that it was what made him choose her the first time & it got me nowhere so what was the point? He lapped it up – not reciprocating as much & tossed it aside, all for a marriage with someone who doesn’t care about his hobbies or anything he has to say & for the sexting with Cowboys Mistress… He says he made me feel loved – for a time & yes he did, when he could be bothered putting in the effort,i felt loved but I felt disrespected more than I felt love. But as soon as he pulled away due to his ‘circumstances’ citing that he is busy, I realised that I was out on a twig by myself & that’s why I question & have questioned his love for me. & if I am honest, why I question his intentions with A3v2.0. I still don’t understand his intentions!!
We are in dangerous territory about all of this, that I just don’t want to keep hashing it or think about the day that he pulls away until I am left with no choice but to end it with him, so I say “Wanna hear something else creepy I just realised… ⚠️Teenager girlfriend alert.” Of course, he says yes, “Your mobile number is 805 – mine is 803 & both end in a 5.” He says that dumb, I just keep saying they’re matching, he then asks for my number. I know he had it in a fake email account that is now long gone, so I ask where he is even going to save it, but he usually calls me on snapchat, so I don’t know why he needs it, but I want him to have it! He’s blocked on everything under his real account, I only have this fake snapchat account so this gives him a way to contact me – maybe…
As we’re chatting & talking about our date at Victor Harbor I say, “It was a perfect day for me… Even without a cute outfit, no makeup, no lashes… It was the best to feel truly cared for… You are my favourite person to hang out with. We talked the whole time, even after chatting all day & night… And it just flowed easily, feeling so natural & like a real couple. I loved it. & will remember it forever… I wish we took a pic though…. I hate we don’t have a pic together…” I am sad that after all this time we have no pictures together, at all… He surprises me by saying that we should take a picture next time, I ask if he’s afraid that I’m going to try to blackmail him with it but he knows I download the security footage, then he says “And to think I was nervous to even suggest a day out with you.”
He asks for another teenager girlfriend experience, I try to make something of our licence plates, but there isn’t anything there. I tell him that his birthday is on the 7th & mine is on the 8th – different months but the dates are in consecutive order… He says that he never thought I would be like this, embarrassing myself but then he says he doesn’t mean that & meant that he didn’t think I would be this vulnerable. “Kinda weird seeing this super strong independent woman be vulnerable to me, someone I have know for a long time like that.” The next one I give him is just dumb, I ask him if his favourite food is ribs which he says yes, so I tell him that we both have ribs. He asks if I have been drinking & I laugh. I just think some weird shit sometimes!! Hahaha. I say that I’ll dial it back a bit & he says “No. Please don’t It’s nice seeing you with all your guards down….”
He asks me how I feel about holding hands now when I say something about holding his hand first, I say “It’s funny, cos holding your hand – maybe this is an ADHD thing… But the shopping centre is all noisy, I see people, but then we hold hands & I don’t notice the noise, I don’t notice people… You calm me.” It’s like a movie, where the scene change & it’s all silent, then he says “That’s love. BTW 😉” Oh fuck… He says that he’s getting sleepy “I literally fall asleep. But love you so fuckinf much. And just want to keep taking to you. For aslong as I can. And miss you. All the time. Think about you when I’m not chatting to you.” He organises a early morning phone call & we say goodnight & I go to a blissful happy sleep that everything is right in my relationship with my Boyfriend!
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 