April 2025 – Puddles
19 April 2025 – One thing he doesn’t ever seem to get, no matter how many times I tell him is that I do not need kink to have good sex, I like it. I enjoyed it. I’m open to it. When he met me, I was just exploring kink, but it isn’t a lifestyle, it isn’t something I had to have, it was something I liked exploring & I was open to trying new things, having had pretty boring missionary sex my whole life up until I met Milky, who I met about nine months before Phoenix… He just doesn’t get it & thinks that need it & I want it. I have never been disappointed with anything we have done, in fact I have had more kink & exploration with him than anyone else (no point telling him that though, he won’t believe it) & I am still fucking him eight years later, still enjoying it & finding it the most exciting sex of my life, that I never understand why he thinks I have to have kink & why he keeps bringing it up. I can only assume it’s his insecurity, you know about him not being good enough for me so he makes up some version of the truth that suits his mood.
He says that on his break he’s done a bunch of errands so that when I get to his work, he can use the errands as an excuse why he is home later, but he says he wanted to ‘maximise time with you‘ which makes me smile like a wanker… I would have done the errands with him, he says I semi sound excited to do errands with him, so he says he’ll keep it in mind. Of course, I want to maximise my time with him too, so if he is doing errands – which gives him an alibi & I can tag along, why wouldn’t I?
I get to his work, I have packed the platter, a picnic blanket, a Pepsi Max but I also packed a cider each for us & also brought a little speaker for some music. But unfortunately, the weather is not our friend today & it starts raining just as we get set up, we try to sit under the shelter but we are just getting wet that we jump back in the car & eat the platter. He eats most of it because he says he’s hungry, so I let him eat it. We drink our cider but it’s not quite the fun cuddly picnic I hoped for. I say to him that I have something to share with him that will show him just how much I love him, he has this weird look on his face as I pull out a box of cheezels, with a cheeky grin & he laughs. I never would share my cheezels with just anyone!
This was supposed to be a bit of a teasing type of picnic & no sex, but we’re sitting in the car, I am running my fingernails through his hair & back of his neck, which makes him purr like a kitten & just the looks we share, turn me on & I know that he feels it too… Even after eight years I can still feel the electricity crackle between us, this electricity is what gets us into trouble because we genuinely want sexless dates but as I have said before, we don’t see each other enough for example, daily, that we (or I) get enough sex as well as enough time together. If we saw each other daily, the struggle for sexless dates wouldn’t be as hard – I mean maybe it would cos I still want him every day, but I think it would be easier because I’d know that if we have a sexless date today, we’ll have sex tomorrow. But at this point, I never know when the next time is that we’re going to see each other, for sex or not.
We do end up deciding to go for a drive & find a spot for sex. It’s a windy, rainy day so we find an empty carpark that we think will be secluded enough to have sex. I have worn a skirt today so I don’t get totally naked when we are fucking. The session today seems to be a lot longer than it probably should be given he has to go home soon, sometimes times goes so fast but today time seems to be going slower…. We have very hot car sex & I suck his dick, where I am sort of on all fours in the backseat, so he reaches around & fingers me so we are cumming at similar times by different methods of penetration, it’s hot & I am squirting like a sprinkler. He cums in my mouth & I don’t realise that I will be mortified in about ten seconds after cumming as well & then six seconds later, Phoenix will make me realise I never ever should be self-conscious around him, ever, ever! When I was looking for a car to buy, I wanted leather seats in the back because of the dog hair, their hair gets in everything, I love them but fuck their hair is so annoying! So, one of my prerequisites was leather seats. Phoenix has made me cum so much that I squirted, quite a lot & guess what happens to squirt on leather seats … It pools like a puddle & I am mortified for such a short time, looking for a gym towel in my boot until he says something about how fucking hot that is to see it as a puddle! (Something neither of us have ever seen before.)
Later that night he says that he is so relaxed from cumming twice & I say that I wish we were in bed or on the couch just hugging, he says that he would fall asleep & I think that’s ok, I would fucking love that! He is playing some games & drinking while watching wrestling, when he sends me a picture of his set up, I say that I don’t want to distract him – being he is taking a bit of time to write back so I was assuming that he was falling asleep, He replies “You are my girlfriend , you’re allowed to distract me.”
20 April 2025 – It’s Easter Sunday & he’s got wrestling to watch – you know his apparently embarrassing & nerdy hobby, which no one gives a fuck about but him. It wouldn’t be in a stadium if it was so embarrassing, would it?! I tell him that I will let him watch & he says that he’s set up outside with his drinks & messaging me a lot for being at home with the family on Easter Sunday. Apparently another time he can message me when she’s home… I can tell that the drinks are starting to give him a little buzz because we are talking about food that he’s eating right now when he randomly says, “FYI you are the sexiest women I have ever fucked in my life.” Okie dokie, someone is tipsy! But his response to that is, “Pfft. Take a compliment. I literally made a best friend with one of the most sexiest and dirtiest woman ever. I fucking love it. But love you even more !” Um…. Okay… fuck, by 10:30am, he’s had four Smirnoff double blacks so I am preparing now for some random messages. I agree with him though, he is my sexy best friend & I love him.
The random conversation is just so fucking cute, its over a few messages & my attempts to still talk about whatever we were talking about are wasted on his little love bomb rant, “I love you IBD4U. I wish I chatted to you more over the last 5 years. And missed you so much ! You are so stubborn. I would of given in and chatted to you if you tried.. I have never stopped loving you for 8 years.” I say that he would have just told me that we can’t get to close but he reckons he dropped that act after the first three months. He didn’t say it after that, but it had already had it effect & we were nothing more than fuck buddies, “I would of made an effort if you needed me… I would of been there for you online at least. I never stopped caring about you ever.” But he actually wasn’t really there for me when I needed him, he was when I saw him to listen, but he wasn’t there for me really, he’d log off & I never knew when he would come back online again.
His messages are random… “I need more drinks for tomorrow. Spending time with you , having lunch, dates , fucking you.. Makes me realize how much I fucking deeply love uou. And chatting to you again properly.. I fuckin hate it because of our situation. But also love it. I hate you don’t have all of me 😐” UM, fuck… What does that mean?! I mean I hate that I don’t have all of him, he knows that, but he’s never really admitted something like that to me before… Then he sends “I want to go out for yi7 for a day. I’ll tell you nesr time I’m free for a Sunday. And can see you. I think about you all th2 time. and miss yi7 so much. So many mistakes. Now I’m drunk.” So essentially, if you didn’t understand that, he wants to go out for a whole day date on a Sunday next time he can. Hahaha… There is so many rambled, misspelt messages, that I won’t share them all because we don’t have all fucking day to try to work out what he wrote, but I will post the cute ones, “I love you. Yo7 are me favourite. I love you so much. How good. was our sex yesterday. You was a sprinkli3r while I finger uou a d you suckes my cock. Fu j. Your sexy. I loved that. You are so sexy abs hot. Omg. You will wvwb rim you dirty bitch. Something I thought you woud negative do. I love you so much tho! You mean so much to me. Love with yiy so early. I hated it. I was partnered. I had no eif. Right to call in love with you. But I was drawn to you. I wanted. Ore. More of you. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to see you more. And never stopped. Fuck I’m a duck head .I shk. O. Should of stopped. Your sexy ass made it ha3e. My dick hard. Fuck. I love yi7. I loces your personality. I loved your cheekiness. I didn’t care what you did for work or how independent you are. I fell for you haed. I wqkte. Wanted you so bad. You are amazing. Fuck. I love you. I wish I could fvie you so much more. You were not meant to tear me for 5 year s! Tease. Making me want to fucj yo7. Fuck. Yo. I love you. Grrr” Partnered? He always says ‘had a wife’ never partner, he always hated that word which is why she was always wife whenever he talked about her… Hmmmm…
He is so cute, obviously through some of those messages, I do chat back but he isn’t really reading anything I write, he’s just having a conversation with himself, but it’s very telling of what he wants, “I’m so glad you are officiLt my girlfiiend. It took long enough. I always wanted that. We can and we do. We can make this work. But I can look you in the eye. And tell you I love you. And mean it. I wish you knew how deelin. Deeply. I loved you .How much you win. Mean. To wm. Me. Love you *. How commenting. C9n. Connected. I feel to you fucking you. How much i love you being my best fiend. How much you mean to me. You are so duck. Important to me. It’s why I spend fuckin $300 >, a. On ab. Bracelet for. You. Bexayw i love you. And you mean alot to mw.” Okay, so telling me how much the bracelet is kind of removes the specialness a little. I am now annoyed about how much it was, because he didn’t go to that concert with his family because he had no money & then he spent money on flowers & a bracelet for me – which I love, but don’t need… I don’t need him to buy me things. I just want his time, I want what time he can give me, I don’t need gifts. “Yoru worht it. You mean so much to me. It wasn’t that expensive. I love you so much. You have done so much for me. I love you so much. I missed charring to you so much the last 5 years, I should of just Chartwell to you rather than tyeijg to find it in others. And not ignored uou. I never stopped loc8jg you. Fuck. I need tosmhut up. Shut up.” OMG, he admits that he should’ve chatted to me over other women?! Only something that used to piss me off so much & he knew very well that it fucked me off, made me angry & hurt me, but did it anyway, he finally realises because he’s drunk.
Then he says something that he shouldn’t have said & I shouldn’t have engaged with, why didn’t I just say no instead of what I say, “Is here anything you want to know. While I’m drunk. You can ask me anything. Take advantage of mee baby.” I tell him there are things I want to know but I don’t want to know the answer too really. He pushes me to ask him something a couple more times before I send, “Well I want to know what your wedding song was… What your wife looks like day to day… Why you married while fucking me… But tbh…. I just don’t want to know either…” Why the fuck did I ask anything… WHY WHY WHY!! “I love bir. Both you and My wife and she is the mother of my children so that’s why. I love you deeper tho. I believe my our wedding song was life houde. Falling deeper in love with you. But I’m not 100% sure. And hoen. Honestly forgot. And asked my wife and got in shit for it haha. Life house *” So their wedding song was LifeHouse – Hanging by a moment?! (Because there is no song falling deeper in love with you, but that’s sort of a lyric of the song.) Odd choice but sure… He says it was on the store radio when they worked together.. “But I did forget. And didn’t lie to you. And not even sure that’s correct 😐. I love you soooo much. It’s fucked. And I shouldn’t. But I’ve never been able to stop it. My wife just wears her work uniform or just pjamaass day to day.” Then he sends me a picture of her – which looks a few years old judging by their kids of her feeding a possum, her hair is pulled back in a pony tail which is frizzy, I only remember her with smooth hair & because it’s not really a picture of her face or close up, it’s hard to see what she looks like & honestly, she looks different in this photo to all the other ones I’ve seen too, so who the fuck knows what she looks like, but she’s also definitely not blonde. She also doesn’t look like a ‘fat fuck’ at all like he says, she’s pretty normal size with a very mumsy look. “We just sleep, eat work. Talk about our kids. Nothing exciting.”
I think maybe I am tipsy now because I ask, “I want to know what her ring looks like… Did you pick it, did you proper propose with a surprise on one knee…? Or did she just start wearing it…” & he says “Fuck you are weird. I don’t have a pic of her ring. We were engaged for yers. I didn’t get on one knee. I just did it in the back of a car on a beach look out. I’m starting to sober up 😛. Stop asking me weird questions. But of course I picked her ring. I proposed to her Long before I met you. She put alot of pressure on me to do it witth you.” Do it with me? Does he mean pressure to get married after finding out about me or he meant she put pressure on him to propose to her?! I just say that I will stop & he says “I don’t blame you for being curious though! Wow you did stop asking questions ! Didn’t think you would ask those ones ! You are curious about her sometimes!” I don’t know why I am upset about this, he told me to ask him things I wanted to know, what did he think I was going to ask? He can’t be surprised that the questions that I would ask would be about her, I am curious about her- not to compare but to understand why her & not me considering all the shit he spins me about loving me more. I know everything else, right, he tells me about his hobbies, work, kids & life – the things I don’t know are about their relationship & things that I wonder about every now & then… So I just say that I won’t ask again, he asks if I am upset, but I just say “Nah it’s fine. I won’t ask weird thing again…” & I say good night. He says “Grr night.” & I put my phone down, which I probably should have done when he asked me to ask him anything while he is drunk… He doesn’t understand that telling me he loves me more, or that he finds me more attractive isn’t the compliment or reassurance that he thinks it is… It just reminds me that I am the better one who didn’t give him children…
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 