May 2025 – Sniff my panties
15 May 2025 – The next morning, he says that he slept like shit, so I don’t know why he didn’t message me, but whatever. I send him a picture of me in his jumper & he says it looks massive on me, I mean I does look like an oodie if I am honest. I say to him, “You’re supposed to say ‘you look so fucking cute wearing my clothes IBD4U!‘” but he says “Well giving you a compliment that you are small and cute kinda 🤷♂️” Why does he have to add kinda… Fuckwit! He tells me that he left it on purpose & he put extra aftershave on it for me. Well that’s fucking adorable…
We talk about my writing & I say that there is a point, where I come across as a petulant teenager, I do know that I am not innocent in our fights, but I am 100% not always the one at fault, he says “You and your teenage mood swings trying to test me sometimes. You do seem more moody on weekends now that I think about it.. Well starts on a Friday haha.” As if he doesn’t realise why, I mean it’s seemingly ok to message me when he’s lying in bed with her but not during the day…? I don’t get it, I will never get it – either he can message me around her, or he can’t… Not just when it suits him & that’s where the problem lies. What he doesn’t realise, that unless I tracked her work weekend that she works, things would be way worse because he never fucking tells me that he’s not going to be online a lot that weekend.
16 May 2025 – I tell him that I didn’t sleep till after 3:30am because I may or may not have read a message from him in 2018 that pissed me off, made me overthink & no be able to sleep. I was looking for a picture of us together, but came across some messages post break up one when he was coming back online to deliberately hurt me, so I would hate him, instead of just leaving me the fuck alone to heal, he came back to just destroy me completely. I don’t know why I talk to him about it today, I guess as much as he’s pulling away, I am trying to push him away? I don’t know… He asks what it was about, so I try to explain – but I am trying to catch him out again if I am honest, trying to protect myself, “I mean, you’ve said to me multiple times now that you’ve never ever gone down on your wife – the whole time you’ve known her… Like 20 years, right?? And you’ve said that you never fucked anyone else but me, her, Sweetie & that dude in the last 20 years….” to which he says “And if I said any different in 2018 there is a chance I was lying. I 100% have never fucked anyone else …” I do believe that this is true, he would have rubbed it in my face if he had of fucked another woman, I’m sure of that… But his messages from 2018 are pissing me off & making me really over analyse what he said… So in 2028, he wrote “Opps. It’s fun fucking other people tho. You made me heaps bette at sex btw. Apparently I’m a good kisser now and good at oral. And a lot better than before.10 years of the same person gets boring .” The bit that stands out for me is the ‘apparently he is a good kisser & good at oral…’ so someone told him this, “That was saying you make me good at oral… Not My wife.” No mate, saying apparently, means someone else has told you that you’re good at it… He wasn’t talking about me!
I don’t know why I have brought this up when we are in a good place, “I’m pretty sure I’ve never gone down on her. She hates it and feels self consciousness. I didn’t enjoy doing it until you. She won’t even let me do it if I tried, even in 2018. And didn’t let other men do it either. Being a larger girl she can’t do it… I was saying shit to make you jealous or piss you off. Id probally seen your pics about your old mate crow one fetlife which was way buffer than me and better at head than me and turns out pretty much did everything you did with me with him 🤷♂️ What do you say , tit doe tat ?” OMG every women, no matter her size can get head, all you have to do is spread your legs, so that’s dumb, does he not remember I was over 100kgs at one point! He says that it was 100% a lie, he did try to go down on her but she wouldn’t let him… “But fucking other people or the oral thing was an outright lie.” Hmmmm… Sure.
Things just don’t add up… It was a long time ago but now that I am fired up about it, I can’t stop, “You had told me that you were pushing for an open relationship to see me…! So much of your story just doesn’t make sense now… Like you apparently asking in the hospital to see us both… Which she said no but then was totally fine to be in an open relationship… You never wanted to see me, you want to fuck whatever you could so don’t actually pretend that you were trying to push me away so I would move on. You literally could not have cared even a smige for me if you were willing to hurt me like that…. Constantly. Everyday. Telling me something new about your sex life.” He’s told me before how narcissistic he is, I just never saw it as much as I do now…
“I did care … And I did ask to have an relationship with both of you while she was in hospital. I wasn’t allowed to see you in our open but was hoping it would create an opportunity sneakily too. I didn’t lie about that. You clearly have over thought about this. But you would of kept fucking the crows dude no matter what, and would you still fucking him Today if he didn’t stop. You make it super obvious in your blog , even in past tense only a couple of years ago. You even complain about it to rob rob who tells you to message him again in hopes he would fuck you again… And note this in your blog, that is frustrated you that you guys aren’t still fucking. And note how good at Head he is. And clearly he was more attractive than me with bigger arms and a 6pack, and made you cum and squirt just like I do , he did anal and rimming with you too, and all the dirty scenarios you did with me. Clearly he left a big mark on you , and was also a married guy fucking you and clearly it annoyed you even though I was fucking you at the time and never stopped not long after he stopped. So I was clearly never enough for you 🤷♂️”
Oh good fucking god, how does he turn this around on me, what was I supposed to do, be celibate & wait for Phoenix to come back to me!? “That’s not even true at all… I didn’t have an emotional connection with him at all… He didn’t leave a mark on me at all… He was sex & that was what I needed becsuse you were busy telling me about choking your wife & 3sums & her cumming & rimming you… I found someone to have sex with, I was litterally fucking devastated about losing you & you telling me all that shit that I didn’t eat for months. I barely slept. Don’t get me started on who wasn’t good enough cos it 100% wasn’t you.” One of us has to back done here & to my surprise, he says, “how’s about we not think about 2018 or whatever it was.” I agree, why the fuck are we fighting about this! It’s a Friday, he usually doesn’t talk to me at all, why are we fighting… But also he backed down because he knows I’m right!
At 4:20pm, he asks me, “Did you want kids when you were younger ?”, which I say I did, “Yeah I did… And I kinda did when I always said I didn’t, I jist said I didn’t cos I never met anyone in my baby making years who wanted babies with me… So was easier to say I didn’t want them than be disappointed that I didn’t get them.” I feel like this is the first time I have really ever said that out loud. I did always think I would be married with kids, but as the years went on & as the baby making years passed me by & I was still single, I started saying that I really didn’t want them to save myself the heart ache of not having them. Ten minutes later, my message is unread so I ask if he decided to go out for dinner tonight, it’s his brothers birthday but he was bitching about it on the phone to me saying it’ll be expensive because his wife doesn’t eat & also his kids wont eat much but it’s an all you can eat restaurant… But I get no reply, no goodbye, nothing… Sorry did we not talk about this? Was he not the one who wanted to set rules so I don’t feel like a twat?! Also why start a fucking D&M about something that I am sensitive about to leave me on unread…. Fucking asshole. But at 8:20pm while out with his family & shouldn’t be online, he says he’s at dinner now & won’t be online tonight. I say ‘have a good night’ & I am so fucking pissed.
17 May 2025 – Of course I wait for his message today, because I am not making an effort. When he comes online he doesn’t talk about the question he asked me. But we talk about the long weekend that is coming up in June, I am going away with my family, but say I could possibly come to his work one of the days. But he is unclear if he is working or not, he says a few times that he is working, then he says he isn’t, then he says he is… I have no clue if he is working or not or what it means if he is or isn’t… It’s a confusing conversation. & I wonder why he’s being evasive…
I head to his work after the gym for his break, I get there around 9:00am because that’s what time he said & he hasn’t responded to any messages. I pull up & he says that it’ll be around 9:30am. But then as that gets closer, he isn’t sent on his break until 10:00am. I have to get home by 11:00am as I have two lash clients today, one of them Nee. I didn’t have time to bring him a proper lunch but I had gone to the shops before I came up, not knowing as I was shopping that he was going to ask me to come for lunch, I didn’t have much time so I got the snacks I needed for the week & head up to his work. Turns out, I did have time but doesn’t matter. We chat, kiss & touch & his break goes quicker than I ever want them to go… I get home & do my first client & am waiting for Nee to rock up, when Phoenix says that he’s been sent home from work early, he was supposed to work till 3:00pm, but they have sent him home at 12:00pm. He tells me to tell him when I am free, because Nee hasn’t rocked up, I message her to say that she can contact me when she wants to reschedule & she’ll have a $25 cancellation fee, but she writes “I won’t be coming back for lashes.” Ok, well first you could have cancelled your appointment though your booking confirmation text or just let me know… I have to see her every day at the gym, I tried to talk to her several times but got nothing from her so I just stopped. Whatever bitch, now I can take my boyfriend lunch, but he says that he’s coming to me. Oh, hahaha I’m confused… He calls me on his way to my house & I make us some toasted sandwiches.
He gets to my house around 12:20pm, I am reeling over Nee & how she just didn’t rock up when she has to see me every day at the gym… Not like we won’t bump into each other. I don’t care if people can’t get their lashes done but just click on the text message & cancel your appointment! You don’t even have to talk to me or tell me… As I dwell on this ridiculous incident that has just make me want to cancel my gym membership – which I ultimately do on the 19 May 2025, however I have to give four weeks’ notice, so I will have to keep going. Phoenix walks in, comes up behind me kissing me, rubbing my sides & feeling me all over as I am making lunch – simple toasted cheese & ham sandwiches so I start by telling him that she’s deleted me from Facebook & I have no idea what has happened.
I had asked Tee what had happened, but she doesn’t really know either. I talk so easily to Phoenix, something so ridiculous & high school like. I would normally not bore him with this shit, but this is our relationship now. I genuinely couldn’t ever imagine having someone in my house, just making lunch while he got his drink & sat down listening to my fucking high school drama. I know there is shit I say about not wanting a man to live with me etc, I say that shit cos I always figured at this point in my life, I wouldn’t ever had a guy live with me again & also I don’t know if I could. But this, this simple act of him walking in, getting his own drinks, pacing around (that’s what he does a lot), & coming up behind me to rub his hands all over me, over my tits & basically just to distract me feel so normal & feels so right. I wish I had more of this!
After a quick lunch, we head to the bedroom, he doesn’t have heaps long, he finished work at 12:00pm, but his roster says 3:00pm so he has a couple of hours before he has to leave. We cuddle in bed, in clothes, which is sort of a first, we usually get to my room & are naked, but we lay there in clothes, just touching each other. When his hand moves between my legs, up my long denim skirt, my legs have a mind of their own & they spread so easily for him. Every time he does this lately, I am fucking butter in his hands… I melt. I say “I’m sorry Phoenix” & he asks what with a worried look on his face, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you your intruder/rape fantasy, ” he chuckles & asks why? I say that I won’t be able to push him off, even if it’s pretend, I don’t think that I will be able to play the part. I think my legs will spread & my body will just succumb to him & he won’t get the consensual non-consent fantasy because I will just be incapable of it.
He does this slow gentle rub of my clit, slow sweet torture that makes me gyrate my hips & begging him to rub my clit till I cum, over & over… Fuck it feels so good… He makes me cum multiple times this way & I fucking love it. Even writing about it now, I am feeling my cunt get a little wet at the thought of it! As I climb on top of him, because I am ready for his cock inside me now. I realise that I am still wearing my panties, because I remember last time I straddled him with panties, & I rubbed my cunt over his cock, that I gave him a cut on his dick that his wife found – yeah I didn’t love hearing that she found it cos she sucks his dick & obviously did it a few days after I fucked him. I fucking hate thinking about her when I am with him – I guess it’s an occupational hazard so to speak, but when it’s my time, I want it to be just about us. Urgh, ger your head back in the game IBD4U!! So I slip them off & I climb on top, sliding my cunt over his hard cock, so we both make this moan noise of that feeling of the first time he enters me. I realise I am holding my very wet panties, I say something about how wet they are & I flick them on the bed, I don’t even know really where they land as I have started sliding up & down on his cock, they maybe land on his chest or around near his head, but they are close by. I slide up on his cock & as I am coming down, I notice that he has grabbed my panties in his big hands & he has put them to his nose…. OMG, fuck that is so fucking hot!
This is the stuff of fifty shades of grey & to be honest, when I saw that part in the movie, it was a tad awkward & almost embarrassing to watch, but FUCK, when Phoenix grabs my panties, in his full fist & sniffs them telling me how good they smell, I can feel my cunt get wetter & I ride him harder & faster. Fuck that turns me on…. He is staring me down while he holds them to his nose, I pick up speed, unable to look away, our eyes are locked, but my panties are there is his hand, at his nose… When he can feel that I am about to cum, which doesn’t take long, he takes the panties away from his face & tells me to cum for him… O. M. F. G!
#IBD4U
I've Been Dating For You 